The Soul Enchilada
Laura Busse and Christine Ruth M.Div., MS, LMFT
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Are you a hot mess? Well, welcome to the club!
We asked over 500 women for questions they would ask a therapist, and were blown away by their responses.
They asked about everything... pretty much "the whole enchilada" of the issues women are facing today.
So welcome to "The Soul Enchilada," where we'll talk about anything... Your $hitshow is our $hitshow, and NOTHING is off limits.
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
Available episodes
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23 hours ago
SE 14: Un-Stuck Yourself
Still not sure what you want to be when you grow up? Well, welcome to the club of lost women!
Many of us have lived our lives according to a script written for us by society, our parents, or someone else who has no idea of who we really are. That script usually has us “being it all” as some combination of Martha Stuart, The Pioneer Woman, and (insert name of sex symbol here).
But what if that’s not what we want? Or even scarier, what if we don’t really even know what we want?
This week, we talk about how to answer those questions. If the average person changes their career path 6 times, you can certainly do some exploring yourself. So take the first step of your next journey and listen to this week’s episode.
THIS WEEK’S LISTENER QUESTION:
]I’m 37 years old and I have no idea what I want to become when I grow up. I feel like I should be happy just being a mother but I’m not fulfilled. How do I figure out my life’s purpose?
SMALL GROUP QUESTIONS:
1. Do you know who / what you want to be when you grow up?
2. Have you ever felt pressured to be someone who you’re not?
3. Where are you feeling a disconnect between who you are and who you could become?
4. How could your deepest gladness meet the world’s deepest need?
“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
— Frederick Buechner
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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6 days ago
SE 13: A Crisis of Confidence
We’ve got hopes. We’ve got dreams. But for many of us, the idea of putting ourselves out there to go after them is just too intimidating. It may be fear of failure, it may be Imposter Syndrome,” where we’re afraid that if people saw the “real” us, they’d know we were a fraud.
As women, we’ve been socialized to be humble, to not push for the promotion or ask for that raise. Because when we’re aggressive, we’re seen as bitchy.
But ladies, you are uniquely equipped to bring your gifts, your talents, and your light into YOUR world.
You ARE enough. So run your race. With confidence, and with purpose. For such a time as now.
As we mentioned in the episode, here’s a link to “The Confidence Gap” article: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/
The Marianne Williamson quote Christine recited is:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,” Williamson writes in A Return to Love. “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.”
Small Group Questions’s
1. What dreams have you put on hold because of a lack of confidence?
2. When have you felt like an “imposter?” When you do, what negative thoughts run through your mind?
3. In what areas do you need to stop ruminating and start taking action to move towards your dreams??
4. Name 5 people in your “all of Faith.” Name 5 people you can surround yourself with who support you in living out your dreams?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Jan 18, 2023
SE 12: Take This Job and Shove It! (should I stay or should I go?)
Two classic songs for a classic problem: trouble at work. No job is perfect, but what do we do when the environment becomes toxic?
When it does, many of us are torn between the part that wants to stay and fix, and the part that wants to flee. A reality of life, though, is that we often have to settle for doing a little of both. Because “if we go there will be trouble, but if we stay there will be double.”
So this week, we’re talking about tips on how to view and manage our toxic environments. Primarily at work, but also with family and other relationships.
Good news!
Laura’s latest faith study, Called to Confidence, begins February 23rd for leadership training and March 2nd for the 5-week gathering in person or online. Learn more here: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/calledtoconfidencestudy
Yes, Kansas nurses working in a “toxic environment” you definitely should sign up!
Small Group Questions:
1. How would you define a toxic environment?
2. What types of environments do you tend to thrive in because they give you positive energy or fuel you with greater hope for growth?
3. When you find yourself in a toxic environment, how can you voice your needs and wants to advocate for yourself and create positive change?
4. What is one thing in this podcast that encourage you to say, “I should stay… or I should go!”
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Jan 11, 2023
SE 11: Overwhelmed and Busting At The Seams
Ready, set, go! We’ve started the new year. But what if you’re overstuffed and overwhelmed, juggling more balls than you can keep in the air?
This week you’ve got permission to join us in unbuttoning your pants to make a little more room, and going through an exercise Christine calls “Dumping the Bucket.”
While we can’t guarantee a better fit around the waist, we can tell you it’ll make your mind and soul a lot lighter.
This Week’s Listener Question:
I’m super overwhelmed all the time. I work full time, have three kids at home, and help take care of my aging mother-in-law. I want this next year to be calmer and make time for spiritual practices and friends, but I’m exhausted! Can you help me?
Small Group Questions:
1. What parts of your schedule are overwhelming you?
2. What brings you more life, energy, or vitality? What drains you?
3. Challenge: Follow Christine’s instructions and try the “Dumping the Basket” exercise to help you prioritize what you should be spending your time and energy on in the new year.
4. Where are you being called to invest your energies in 2023?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Sign up for Laura's latest faith study, live or livestream: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/calledtoconfidencestudy
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Jan 4, 2023
SE 10:Coming Up Short: My New Year's Resolutions
They say it takes about 90 days to form a new habit, which is probably why 92% of us fail to keep our New Year’s resolutions.
So for the 8% of you who are successful, way to go! For the rest of us, it’s time to change the types of goals we set and how we view ourselves in the trying, failing, and succeeding.
So listen in as we talk strategies for starting the year off right.
Small Group Questions:
1. How have your New Year’s resolutions worked or failed in the past?
2. What would it look like to change your relationship with your
perfectionist or self-improvement parts?
3. What’s the difference between always striving / upward climbing vs.
giving yourself permission to sink into surrender and experience
grace?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Sign up for Laura's latest faith study, live or livestream: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/calledtoconfidencestudy
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Dec 28, 2022
SE 9: Globs, Blobs, and Lobsters - Let's Talk Depression
Ah winter… the days are short, the weather’s cold and we’re stuck inside after having just survived the holidays.
Depression is an incredibly complicated condition, a blob of emotions unique to each of us. About the only constant is that we shouldn’t weather it alone.
But as our friend the lobster shows us, pain can have a purpose and be a catalyst for change, an invitation to growth. We just have to face it head on. So who do you trust, who can you reach out to for help breaking through?
Small Group Questions:
1. When have you faced a season of depression?
2. What “globs” or “blobs” or parts showed up for you?
3. What thoughts and/ or emotions tend to fuel your depression?
4. How can you view times of “stuck-ness” as invitations to change,
grow, or find traction in an area of your life?
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Dec 22, 2022
SE 8: From Lunatic to Letting Go
Forgiving someone can be so hard that we needed TWO episodes to cover it all.
Research shows that women’s brains are great at keeping a record of wrongs. So if you find yourself out of nowhere pacing back and forth, mumbling obscenities to a person who isn’t even there, it’s not your fault…..
But it isn’t good, either. So tune in to this week’s conversation where we go over 5 Steps to move you from lunatic to letting go.
Here's the number for The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233
Or, you can text START to 88788
Small Group Questions:
1. When have you had a hard time forgiving someone?
2. When you hold onto a grudge, what have you noticed happening in
your body, mind, or soul?
3. What would it look like to take Christine’s guidance and take the first
step to begin your path towards forgiveness?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Dec 16, 2022
SE 7: Forgive and Forget? Yeah, Right.
This week we take on conflict and forgiveness.
Are you a “get over it and move on” kind of gal who avoids confrontation at all costs, or do you keep score?
Join us this week, as we talk through the good, the bad, and the ugly of conflict resolution strategies.
Small Group Questions:
1. What conflict style was most used in your family of origin
– aggressive, avoidance, passive aggressive, or assertive?
2. What fears or concerns come up for you when you think about
asserting yourself with someone who’s hurt you?
3. When have you been able to assertively communicate during a
conflict? Did you experience resolution in your relationship? What did
you learn about yourself in this situation?
Here's a link to the information on non-violent communications Christine mentions: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/feelings_needs.pdf
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Dec 9, 2022
SE 6: Holidays With Holes
This week we wrap up our Holiday deep-dive by talking about how to get through them when they’re full of holes.
Those holes can be in the form of an empty seat at the table from a new loss, an old loss that continues to blindside us this time every year, or even just our own unmet expectations for how things should turn out.
We never really “fill” those holes, but we can avoid getting trapped in them by giving ourselves permission to grieve… the way WE need to and on our OWN timeline .
Easier said than done, but nonetheless very do-able. So listen in and we’ll talk about how.
Real, Raw, and Relevant discussion questions:
1. Where do you notice grief or loss coming up during this season of your life?
2. When have you been "blindsided" by grief in a time when you thought you were supposed to be happy?
3. How can you give yourself permission to grieve the way you're wired, on your own timeline?
4. Mourning is the outward expression of grief. Christine and Laura gave us several tools for mourning (journaling, painting, exercising, cooking, singing, crying...) How can you schedule time to acknowledge, name your emotions, and use some of these tools to mourn in a safe space?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Dec 2, 2022
SE 5: Boundaries are Beautiful
You survived Thanksgiving! Nice job… but the holidays ain’t over yet. So this week we wanted to tackle this listener question:
“I don’t get along with my in-laws. How do I set boundaries with the most difficult people in my life?”
Setting boundaries before you get together may seem a little weird, like you’re being high-maintenance. But boundaries are beautiful. You can meet your needs, while at the same time honoring the needs of the people around you… even the difficult ones.
How do you do it? Well, we rely on a lot of C-words, so it’s worth a listen.
Real, Raw, and Relevant discussion questions:
1. Real – Who do you need to openly communicate your expectations
with during this season?
2. Raw – What holds you back from setting healthy boundaries with the
most difficult people in your life?
3. Relevant – How can you honor your own limits and practice self-
compassion during stressful times of the year? How can you do the
same for the difficult people in your life?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Have a questions for us? Send it to questions@soulenchilada.com
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Nov 21, 2022
SE 4: Thanksgiving Is Not a Competitive Sport
Thanksgiving is a couple of days away, so this week we wanted to tackle this listener
question:
“My anxiety ramps up in social settings, so I tend dread the holidays. Any advice for preparing for, calming down, and enjoying the holidays this year?”
Most of us have at least some degree of anxiety around the holiday season. It may be trying to meet the expectations of others, or those we have of ourselves. It may be the dredging up of bad memories. It may be that there’s a new empty seat at the table. (Or a full seat, occupied by that one crazy relative who’s just waiting to blow things up).
This week we talk strategies for letting yourself off the hook and maybe even enjoying your holiday season, because Thanksgiving is not a competitive sport.
Real, Raw, and Relevant discussion questions:
1. How would you describe your level of anxiety during the holidays?
2. Christine opened a photo album in Laura’s mind to past holidays. What
positive and negative memories popped into your mind while they were
discussing holiday “trauma” due to expectations and family conflict?
3. How might you bust out of the traditional mold of the holidays this year to
grow gratitude or make beautiful connections with people you love?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE this.
Learn more about Laura and The 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/
Learn more about Christine Ruth: http://www.christineruth.com/
Learn more about Laura’s Faith Studies: https://www.3oclockwakeup.com/bible-studies
Download the free 3 O’Clock Wake Up Call App: https://subsplash.com/the3oclockwakeupc/app
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Nov 18, 2022
SE 3: Making Frienemies With Your Pissed-Off Part
We know that we’re made up of lots of different parts. But what do we do when our “pissed off” part seems to rule the roost?
This week’s listener question is: “ I feel angry all the time. I’m angry at work, home, while driving, everywhere I go. How do I deal with my pissed off parts?”
Suppressing anger just makes us bitter, and eventually comes out sideways in the form of broken dishes, shattered relationships, and an occasional fractured toe.
This week we talk through strategy of befriending our anger. Give a little, take a little, and eventually learn to live together…the best of frienemies.
Real, Raw & Relevant Discussion Questions:
1. Where is anger showing up in your life these days?
2. How was anger expressed in your family of origin?
3. What strategies do you currently use to “manage” your anger? (Denying it, stuffing it, attempting to eat it away, etc.)
4. What might anger's invitation be for you, were you to greet and befriend it?
5. What might you…
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Nov 11, 2022
SE 2: Parts is Parts
We may look like we’re in one piece, but we’re really just a bunch of parts. Kind of like a junk drawer.
And each part has a voice that’s competing for our attention. Whether it’s Perfectionist Peggy, Pollyanna People-Pleaser, Bitchy Queen, or just some random Pissed-Off Parts, we are constantly being nagged.
This week’s question is: “What do I do when all my parts are screaming at the same time?”
Well, let’s figure that out together, and see which parts we can toss out of our junk drawer to better run our race of faith.
Enjoy the podcast. If you want to share it with friends or your small group, here are some questions you can talk over afterwards:
1. Acknowledgement – When you think about this past week, what are a few of your loudest "parts"?
2. Ask – Identify one of your parts. What does that part need? If you don't pay attention to it, what might it do? (Remember... the crying baby...)
3. An Invitation – Laura explained that her anxious part led her to…
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Nov 4, 2022
SE 1: Therapy? Are You Nuts?
We women are pretty good at getting help with the things we need. Car broken down? We call a mechanic… Gallbladder acting up? We call a doctor… Lost? We ask for directions…
But when it comes to our emotional health, many of us choose to hold it in and try to push through alone.
This week, we tackle the question: “Why are so many Christian women skeptical about therapy?”
Enjoy the podcast. If you want to share it with friends or your small group, here are some questions you can talk over afterwards:
1. When you were growing up, did your family keep secrets? If so, why do you think they did?
2. What attitudes about therapy did you grow up hearing &/or believing?
3. Do you have a "band of sisters" to be real, raw, and relevant with?
4. What makes a small group or friendship feel safe to you? 5. Who can you invite to join this podcast?
Thanks for listening! Please LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE the podcast.
Share your hot mess with us, or just ask a question at: questions@so…
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Oct 26, 2022
The Soul Enchilada - Here's What's Coming!
The Soul Enchilada podcast is about to launch. Here's our intro... a taste of what's to come.
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