In preparation for this episode of the Am Writing Fantasy podcast, Autumn and Jesper have suffered through some of the WORST movies.
This is an entertaining top 10 of the movies which tells the worst stories EVER.
At the end, the hosts share some thoughts on what NOT to do when creating stories of our own.
Tune in for new episodes EVERY single Monday.
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Read the full transcript below. (Please note that it's automatically generated and while the AI is super cool, it isn't perfect. There may be misspellings or incorrect words on occasion).
You're listening to The Am Writing Fantasy Podcast in today's Publishing landscape, you can reach fans all over the world. Query letters are a thing of the past. You don't even need a literary agent. There is nothing standing in the way of making a living from riding. Join two best selling authors who have self published more than 20 books between them now on to the show with your hosts, Autumn Birt and Jesper Schmidt.
Hello, I'm Jesper
and I'm Autumn.
This is episode 119 of The Am Writing Fantasy Podcast. And it is time for one of our ultimate this again, One of those not so serious Episode. So we hope that you will enjoy it as we enter the world of the WORST Stories Ever Told we were looking forward to this one,
which is funny because when you first mentioned it, I said, I don't know how I'm gonna do on this one, but the secret that I had forgotten about really what's that. Oh, well, have you ever heard of mystery science theater?
Jesper (1m 17s):
No, I'm not sure. No, no, no.
Autumn (1m 20s):
I'll tell you all about it and why it's my ace in the hole and I'm going to do so blow you out of the water on this one.
Jesper (1m 27s):
Why do we get well, OK. Let's see. But, but I actually have some surprises lined up as well, so yeah, you'll see. You'll see. I I'm going to impress, you know, I was gonna say this one, maybe it's a good, it's not the right term. This'll be so bad how bad it's going to be an excellent.
Autumn (1m 47s):
I can not wait. Well, how are the things over in Denmark?
Jesper (1m 55s):
A well for for one, we've had some chats today. Excellent. So that's a good start. And a, I'm also expecting to start refereeing next week. And I hope I actually, last weekend I did do a on the 15th match a So, but senior soccer should pick up again this coming weekend. I hope so. I'm really looking forward to that too, that we are getting out of some so Corona restrictions that makes us all our lives are a nightmare. So, so that's good. That's exciting. Yeah. Oh yeah. And speaking about Corona restrictions, we are actually managed to go to Ikea last Saturday and no one would really not be excited about it going to Ikea.
Jesper (2m 45s):
But the thing is that since we moved into the apartment, we've had quite some furniture that we needed to deliver back to Ikea. I can click on host. Yeah. They closed. And we were stuck with it here in the apartment because we thought we couldn't go anywhere. So it would deliver it back. And we also have like one wall in the bedroom that is still filled up with moving boxes because we needed to deliver that stuff back to Ikea. And then we needed to buy a new piece of furniture. So we could empty all those boxes and put it in to a cabinet. But we couldn't do all of that. So we've been waiting a lot for like three months, but finally,
Autumn (3m 26s):
Jesper (3m 26s):
Indeed. So a lot of finally last Saturday they reopened so we could get it. We still have it. You still have to book a time and all of that stuff in order to be able to go inside of a warehouse where there's like 10 people in this humongous place. But nevertheless, we in medicine and the way we actually got to our staff deliver delivered back and bought the new stuff and took that with us home. So when Easter holidays comes up here quite soon, I know what I have to do. I have to put Ikea stuff back together. Again, it's just not my favorite thing to do, but at least we are done with it.
Autumn (3m 60s):
Yeah. Well, like I said, I wish you were closer. I love building things. You saw me building my cabin that we're staying in. And so yeah. I would love to help out building things, but its kind of a, you know, I can't quite make the flight, even though things are improving slowly in the us, they are hoping they're saying, ah, my husband's signed me up for our a coronavirus vaccination. So like that's exciting that they got to my age bracket. It's not the bottom of the, the brackets focused.
Jesper (4m 31s):
Yeah. I don't know if it's good or bad weather when your number comes off. It's like, Hmm. Is this because they think either I'm old or they think that it's something wrong with me. So we better actually meet this person. This is just like what what's going on. Yeah.
Autumn (4m 44s):
Well they had already let me put it down to eight to 16 year olds. What you had to have one of these certain listed health things and I'm like, Nope, Nope, Nope. I'm, I'm perfectly fine, but I'm older than 16, but they finally opened it up to my age group. So that's exciting. That means I might be able to see my parents some time to, So we have a date for it already. What do you know when it's going to be sometime in April, April and April. Okay. I haven't even been told about it yet when I'm gonna get any vaccines. Yeah. So yeah. We'll see. But hopefully within the next couple, a couple of months then yeah, Yeah, yeah. Well, my parents have gotten there's, and they've been out two breweries, you know, every one space, it sounds like they are out and about all of it everywhere, but you know, the tables are really far.
Autumn (5m 29s):
So, you know, it's like if there's three other people in the entire room with them, it's amazing. I'm usually there taking pictures and it's empty, but they've been out and you know, going to get a draft beers and taking photos. I'm just like dad, but I go to
Jesper (5m 44s):
Yeah. Yeah. And we've all had enough of this stuff by now. So a for sure we need to, I think everybody is looking forward to get to the other side of it. I guess my biggest fears just because they are starting to open it up now. So my biggest thing is just that it will happen. Like it did it last time they start to open it up and then like, three-four weeks later they shot it all down. And then if they do that, I think people will get pretty damn upset because people are just fed up with it.
Autumn (6m 11s):
Yeah. Especially with the spring, you know, now it's almost spring here and some are rolling out. If they shut everything down for the summer, I think there would be a revolution here. They just don't do it. Let them go. Yeah.
Jesper (6m 24s):
Yeah. We don't. We are, we've had enough. Yeah. But otherwise, if anything is everything good on your end
Autumn (6m 32s):
And do lots of covers and writing and reading and all that kind of stuff. But overall, mostly just working on my laptop because it's still only in the forties, which I can't think of what that would be in Celsius, but it's just above, you know, a little bit above freezing. So it looks beautiful and the feel so warm and you go outside and about 15 minutes later they was like, I need something warm to drink. So it's looking in fighting almost all of the snow is gone, but it is still spring and very early here, but it's exciting to see the water running in this stream again and sea ground and all of those good things.
Autumn (7m 13s):
Narrator (7m 13s):
Oh a week on the internet with The Am Writing Fantasy Podcast.
Jesper (7m 19s):
Yeah. So I don't know if you have something you want to share in this section, all of them, but I'm just going to keep it very brief. But I just wanted to check if you had something first before I do that. Nothing else
Autumn (7m 29s):
Too exciting. It's been so busy and I'd been working on Instagram, working on how to do Instagram and all of these other things, but something specifically to the Podcast, nothing to share with authors yet, but I'm working on a few things.
Jesper (7m 43s):
Okay, cool. Yeah. I'm also just going to keep it very briefly. Just the small thing he had. I just wanted to say that it, it will speaking to you the listener, if you enjoy The Am Writing Fantasy Podcast, the best thing you can really do for us is to tell another author, a friend about it. We are still in the process of growing our listenership here. So we would really like for a lot more people to find us. So if you like this podcast will not tell an author, a friend about it and you will be helping us out. And you will also help out the person who you are telling you about a great podcast and listen to. So it's like a sort of like a win, win situation that doesn't cost you anything on the contrary, you will probably going to get a lot of gratitude in return.
Jesper (8m 29s):
So a yeah, I just wanted to remind that that's a really small and easy thing that you can do that it will actually make meaning quite a lot for us.
Autumn (8m 39s):
Absolutely come Sherise join us and help spread the word. We would appreciate it.
Jesper (8m 45s):
Yeah. So with that being said, should we just a dive? Yeah,
Autumn (8m 49s):
I think so. Because this one, we have WORST Stories. I have plots and we both have five each to see and are trying to figure out which one's the worst of the worst. So I think we better get into it. Yeah.
Jesper (9m 6s):
Okay. So this is going to be interesting. I mean, I think when you, initially, when I started building my list here, initially I wanted to only make picks of stuff that I had read or seen. But, but as it turned out, I think I'm pretty good at avoiding bad stories. So yeah. So I admit that I had to pick some stuff that I haven't actually read or watch, but it just sounds so horrible that I added them to the list that I anyway, but I would say that basically more or less all of it, I do have some sort of connection to it.
Jesper (9m 51s):
So, and it's not something that I just picked at random, but I will, as we go through, I will say what I have seen and what I have not seen to make a key bot. What I did too, is that I only picked movies because then I can play some sound clips as we go along.
Autumn (10m 11s):
Well, you are in such a cheater. I only picked movies too, but I did not go and get sound clips, actually the movies. I don't know if I could've found sound clips in the us, I re watched them, but I have seen all five that are going to be sharing. And I like, I see hinted earlier. I could have shared 14 and actually so 50 to a total of 15, because one of them isn't because I've watched two seasons of something that is called mystery science theater. And you're going to love the story behind this.
Jesper (10m 44s):
So it, it sounds like if it's so bad, why did you want us to cease in some of it?
Autumn (10m 49s):
Because that's the point. So it's a show. It's a mystery science theater 3000 is actually called. It's a show that uses the premise of a show.
Jesper (10m 59s):
Wait, so is this your first entry on the list of your art?
Autumn (11m 1s):
Nope. This is just a set-up of how bad my entries are going to be. They go for it. Or it's the set up is that they are showing the most horrible movie ever in an attempt to melt the mind of a research subject slash prisoner. There's a hostage. And to keep her Saturday, he used, made this robot companions that watch they are inflicted with this movie with him. And they're just sitting there and making snide comments about the movies the entire time. And this is huge. This has a cult following it is so, so popular that they actually ran a Kickstarter campaign to get in a Netflix, to do 14 Xtra shows.
Autumn (11m 42s):
So it's a serious. So I've watched the series of 11 and 12, which we put out on Netflix, all 14 of them there, just with the whole WORST shows that
Jesper (11m 54s):
You need to have some popcorn, a beer and a sense of humor and you will die laughing and growing at the same time. So good luck beating me on this one. Oh my God. What? It does not sound very good. No, it's a fantastic, horrible Amy. There's no other, I can not wait to tell you about them. No you do. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was see who comes up with a WORST stuff because it, it it's really about it. It has to be so bad that you'd like almost prefer to do a, I don't know. I would say that you would prefer to do something really horrible to yourself instead of just to avoid watching it. That has to be that bad.
Jesper (12m 35s):
I've got it. My number one. It's fantastic. I can not wait. And the high, I don't like your confidence. If you have way too much confidence going into this list and easily to you a bit more relaxed like it. Yeah. We'll see, kind of let's let's see. Let's just go through and now you're just like, you're way too confident. I don't like this. Maybe it should we change the subject? So today show or something else better at it. Just shifting on the fly. Your are going to be the one who left in the dust. So whatever you want to do, I will win this one. Well, okay. I think we have jointly agreed that all the past ones I have won.
Jesper (13m 16s):
So if you win one time, maybe I can give you that, but still I know why I'm going to win this one. I am not too bad, too bad pics that you, you just can't beat them. We'll see if we will have one of the same ones. Why would that be funny? But we'll say, I think we need to get started though. So what should, what should we start with you? You know, obviously lease worse to worse. I take it. Yeah. I think I organized mine so that it goes from, let me just do a quick check on my list here. I don't know if mine are organized At no, because mine are so incredibly bad.
Jesper (14m 0s):
All of them that it does not matter which order you would take them in. They can beat all of you or no problems. So they are just in random order of mine. Okay. Minor from lease worse to worse. So I was, I did my homework. I watched 14, 15 show and she was 15 shitty. She goes in preparation for the test was born for this one. Lets go. I was humbled. I'll let you go first. Okay. So I have a short audio clip for you here for us to be ready to go for it.
Audio Clip (14m 41s):
I've got something on my radar. Looks like a fog bank and that's moving straight toward us. Kind of fog moves against the wind.
Jesper (14m 53s):
So based on what you just heard that you might be able to, Can you guess what it is or maybe not yessing Pacific room? No. Pacific room is pretty good. What do you mean? But It's not on my list, but there's better movies out there. Yeah, yeah, there it is. But its definitely not on a list of the worst movies ever. OK. So what was that one? So this one is the FOC from 2005. I did not see that one. Oh, well we'll be happy that I don't know. I Want you to enjoy a really bad book. It's a, it's a reboot of a movie from 1988, a and I only watched this 2005 version.
Jesper (15m 38s):
So I don't know about the original ones, but this is one of those cases where you sort of, you see the premise of the movie and when you think it could be quite interesting, but you still, you still a bit skeptical 'cause there's something inside of you telling like Mmm you know that feeling. So all the alarm bells are going off in your mind, like wanting you to, this is probably going to be crap, but then you watched the trailer and it was just like, well there is something in this sort of set up that I quite like, you know, this whole thing about dos a fork and there is some mystery about something happens and it's dangerous.
Jesper (16m 21s):
And just start thinking, well maybe you should try to just watch it because it, it could be good. Maybe it was, it might be worth a try. Yeah. So who, let me just explain what is about here. So I need to, I just need something to justify why I actually wasted my time watching this movie. So how does this sound? So we're in a town where the founder's got the money by murdering a colony of lepers. Okay. Nobody knows about this terrible past. And now we're like a a hundred years later where a character return's just as a statue, it is raised in a tribute of the founders and then comes the fork and there's something inside the fog, something vengeful.
Jesper (17m 16s):
So a little super nice or something. Oh my God, no, it could be good, but it was bad. So I went against my better adjustment and I washed it and my God, it was stupid. But you know, first of all, when you have like teenagers dancing around in bikini's on board and all the fishing boat, then you already knows that a lib there's just not going to be good will. And then on top of that, the plot just of, it just keeps going and going and going and going. It doesn't really add anything to the story at all.
Jesper (17m 58s):
And then you should think that by the time to spend so much time on adding plot for no real reason, you should think that then at least they would be able to deliver a satisfying ending. NOT it just, it does not make any sense at the end that either, I mean, I'm going to spoil it here, but why the heck are we suddenly presented with some We of thing that is going on with like some luck between a human and a ghost? I mean, in the middle of it as sort of a horror story is like what's going on here. So just like it makes no sense at all. No, no. I didn't see that one coming to strip from, to criticize.
Jesper (18m 42s):
There seems to be the consensus as well as the original, 1988 version. I wasn't that good either. So that sort of begs to question to me like, well, I remake it when you, when you're creating something that is bad to begin with. It's just bad, bad, bad. I mean, what the fuck? That's bad. I don't know. I think I have so much worse. I'm just going to start it. OK. This is the shit and move you. Okay.
Autumn (19m 14s):
And I don't know, it, it sounds like a good one for a couple of years sitting on the laughter. Laugh at yourself. Silly. Yeah,
Jesper (19m 20s):
No, you don't want to do it now.
Autumn (19m 24s):
Alright. Well you want to know what my number five one, and this is my only one that was not featured on mystery science theater 3000. Okay. So this one is actually 2020 and it was produced on Netflix. This is a series and I've mentioned this one a couple of times and two, you cursed. It actually makes my list of horrible shows. So it's, this is a retelling of the authorial legend from the viewpoint of Nim whey, which is the lady of a Lake. And so this has set before she becomes the lady as a Lake before author meets Arthur meets Merlin. So it's like, he's not, you know, like the source of the stone young, he's a buddy as a teenager.
Autumn (20m 8s):
And it sounds to me because I mean, I writing a story about Faye and Nim Wei is Faye. And I'm thinking, Oh my gosh, this is going to be really excited to have a little fun with Arthur Arthur in legends. I am, yeah. I have seen way too many years, but I love the funny, this is going to be awesome. Now it was so bad, but I feel bad because of the actors and the actresses. There are some really good ones. There's Floki from Vikings is a Berlin. I mean, there are some really good actors and actresses and they do their darn best to deliver these characters. Like you kind of care, but it was, it was bad that that my husband would put this on the nights.
Autumn (20m 50s):
He just wants to go to sleep. And then I'd be sitting in there, just yell, trying not to yell at the TV, set up. And then the plot holes and the inconsistencies and the jumps that made absolutely no sense and trying not to wake him up. And it was just really bad, but there are some of the inconsistency, as some of them are like, and they always, always, you know, it was, this is a story about the Fe, but for some reason, and it's about Dibley, who's the girl. But for some reason, Arthur, is that the one who has always right. And he was humid in the mail and it was just so silly, but you know, they are some of the silliness, there is a grain mill. All the grain mills have been killed, but you know, taken over by the evil King, he was trying to wipe out the Fe and There down to one.
Autumn (21m 37s):
So whose idea is that to go protect the one that's or if there is, how many nights did they sent you? You know, how many Fe warriors do they send like a five to go protect your food supply. And I go, and of course, if it goes to crap there that they burn them out in a mil, the green night and earth are, are almost about to die. But, and then when she shows up who she was magical, but she doesn't really know how to control it, but she manages to save the day. And later on, they are, she claims queenship. There is no, there's never been a fake queen. She claims queenship because she has the sword of the Kings, because one is what you do it, even though everyone's excited that she, she claims that she was going to be the queen, even though she has been hiding from them, not collaborating in any of the older meetings to like protect her people.
Autumn (22m 32s):
She had sent a letter to the Qing invading saying, Hey, I'll get you back the sword. If you let the face go that Arthur sister or a Morgan and Morgan Le Fay, the source for us eventually now dictates to her. So this wasn't even her idea she's done. Absolutely nothing, but everyone's like your queen, but like, yeah, standard, there was so many plot holes and things and I'm just like, you know, so anyway, it makes my number five, which is pretty safe. Yeah. Okay.
Jesper (23m 9s):
I think I have come across some, if I might be confusing, it was something else. But I do think I've seen some, you know, some of those trailers running when I log into Netflix and stuff like that, about it and, and, and the list, it must have been, it must have looked bad enough that I did hear of it because I have not watched any of it.
Autumn (23m 29s):
I haven't recommended to you, but this was the only one that could have gotten in a sound clip for a day. I feel so disappointed now, But yeah, yeah,
Jesper (23m 36s):
Yeah. Well, believe it. You're probably gonna lose on point because you didn't have some clips. Let's see here.
Autumn (23m 43s):
I let's say I've got some doozies that I don't think you can even
Jesper (23m 46s):
Come close to. Oh shit. Okay. I need to up my game. All right, let's go for it to a number of For, okay. So brace yourself for this sound clip, because this is going to be bad. Okay. You ready?
Audio Clip (24m 5s):
effective. We've got a white male, 54 years old. we had another one so far. The one thing is that all of the victims have in common is a fierce site to go together.
Jesper (24m 27s):
I'm going to stop it. That it was so fucking ridiculous so that you can already hear shit. This is, she say, it's the only thing we have in common as a parasite. They, this is at the FIA site to be here site. Oh. So they would go to a website. Yeah. It killed them. And for this one, I actually learned my lesson. So I have not watched it, but the trailer was so bad, but it just, the trailer itself scares me off. And I was pretty good. In addition to it, initially I checked it off because it said it was from the same director of a house on a haunted Hill. Well, actually it wouldn't saying that it had just realized that there are some people that's probably a good statement.
Jesper (25m 9s):
I think that that's true. But this movie is it fair.com. It's called O and M initially sort of pulled me in because I don't want to eat it. It had me checking out the trailer and so on because it carries some of the same tropes as the ring. Did you ever watched the ring? I actually have not watched the ring, but I, I, it looked interesting. I only did and watch it because I wasn't doing horror movies at the time. No, no. Yeah. I don't want so many horror movies either, or at least not for the last couple of years before the end. I quite liked a lot of them, but I enjoyed the ring. The ring in my view is a really good movie, the movie. But I have to say that the original, like, I think it's, I think it's Japanese or some of these at least Asian or originally a, a and the Asian version is better than the American version, but yeah, that's the one that you had wanted to see, but I just, it looked actually scary enough.
Jesper (26m 2s):
And I was at a point in my life where I thought like, I don't need this. No, no, no, no. It is pretty scary. The rink, to be honest, but, but in the ring, people die from watching a videotape. Right. And it is well done and it is scary. But so here they have just replace the video tape with a website. So when you visit this website, then like, I don't know what 24 hours later. So I don't know. I have watched it, but I'm people buy and a, well, at least here, at least we can see like, if you align it with some Shangri tropes, if it works right. Because it got me into Christ. I mean, even either the title, it was so bad.
Jesper (26m 46s):
Autumn (26m 46s):
Jesper (26m 48s):
It, in the title, I was very skeptical when a sort of titled feared at calm was like, no, but then I could just see like the links back to the ring and stuff like that. It got me so far, at least are checking out. So it's just sorta like a, you know, on Amazon, if you can, if you can align yourself with some tropes in at least people will start checking it out. Of course, then you shouldn't have a shitty trailer like this one. And then people run away screaming from it. But yeah,
Autumn (27m 13s):
That's true. Good point to take away after your trailers. Yeah.
Jesper (27m 16s):
But since I haven't watched it myself, I collect it. Some words for it,
Autumn (27m 20s):
From the critics. Okay. Let's hear it.
Jesper (27m 23s):
This one is from the New York daily news. So it goes like this quote, the story, it's a mess. This is it. A proper and critic, right? The story, this is a, it's a mess. Some of the images are offensive. The acting on the par and the dialogue. Silly. Yeah.
Autumn (27m 45s):
Jesper (27m 45s):
And how about this one from Metro times, quote for you.com his full of inconsistencies and contradictions, but none are more than disturbing than the fact that not only, no, sorry, none are more disturbing than the fact that not a single policeman wears gloves at any of the crime scene scattered throughout the field in quotes.
Autumn (28m 12s):
Jesper (28m 12s):
And then my favorite one is my personal favorite one. This is from us today. Quote, theater comm is a cinematic equivalent of spam in your head,
Autumn (28m 20s):
Email inbox hurt that I would not want that review EVER. That would be a painful, I feel kind of bad for the person who, you know, someone obviously love this and I don't know if they did, but yeah.
Jesper (28m 38s):
I mean, when he was so bad that the, even the trailers gets me off, then it had to go on my top five.
Autumn (28m 45s):
That's horrible. I know that it was pretty horrible, but you are going to love my number for it's just, okay, lets be ready. And I'm not sure if you can make it better than this, but let's try. So she says that I'll have sound, but this is, you know, I would have literally had to watch it. This was before trailers and SoundCloud clips and all that. But this is called the beast of hollow mountain. I think that's a title. That's a good title. And it sounds pretty good. Yeah. It's, it's got it. All. It is caught the lovable orphan boy who is trunk father who's eaten by the beast. It's got to love triangle for and by a Texas cowboy who, who falls for the wealthy Mexican girl, her patrol Don Rek.
Autumn (29m 29s):
Oh and the beast, which is the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Yeah. It didn't quite see that coming in. But in fact, this, this show we here, I think he was from the 1950s. It, it is
Jesper (29m 45s):
Well I'm in the movie. Is when is it set In? Is it it's a step in and the real world? Or was it like a fence as you posted
Autumn (29m 51s):
Is the real world, Texas sort of like the zero Zuora sort of like kind of a time period. That kind of a thing.
Jesper (29m 57s):
We have to run on a sec Rex in that. Okay. How did that go up there?
Autumn (30m 1s):
Yeah. Well it's this show is listed as the first film to show dinosaurs and Cowboys in the same picture. Right?
Jesper (30m 11s):
So how do you do to get that out to you?
Autumn (30m 14s):
I don't know, but it's fantastically horrible. And the plot it was talking to the plot is like a hundred percent based on state or tropes obviously. So you know, the good guy to Texas cowboy, he just loves the girl. The girl was being forced to marry this guy because our family says, you know, he was wealthy. It was one of the guy for you. And of course the man she's marrying is cruel and that this sweet little boy who, you know, he's has a trunk and he was trying to take care of them and be the adult. And his dad goes and gets eaten by this monster. And it was so sad As I haven't really looked at anything before I've watched it. And so I'm waiting on pins and needles thinking this beast or the mountain was going to be a dragon.
Autumn (30m 56s):
It had to give me a dragon. It was so excited and that it ends up being this dinosaur, which I agree. It, it makes no sense at all. It just there's this beast and the H how that ended up in the mountain. I don't know. But don't they never explain the best part. That was a special effect. So this is back in the era of stop motion on like clay animation, right. And features it has this crazy tongue. It's like, it's hilarious. It's constantly out of its mouth like this, like Medusa a snake. Oh, I had to wake up. Adam fell asleep for the switch. I had to wake him up and be like, yeah, I'll have to see this, this, this, no, no, no.
Jesper (31m 38s):
Oh, how cool of you? So you were waking them up to see the boy is shitty movie on your mind.
Autumn (31m 44s):
I see the, this tirade a source right now it's worth watching just four, but it was totally tropes to death. I had been all the way down, no surprises, except for obviously the dinosaur and the cowboy and the Mexican Dawn. But I mean, the cowboy tries to save his fiance, his girl, the woman who loves her fiance. Oh. Till he gets eaten. By the time you write a source Rex, but this made it to number four instead of lower, because it actually had, besides all the tropes won good plot points. One of the first scenes is that the ranger looking for some lost cows and the swamp, and then they actually end up coming back to the swamp in using this swamp, just stop the dinosaur.
Autumn (32m 27s):
It's like, Oh my God, they are so tired of that up. So that it was amazing that they typed it up. So I just buy this one, made it a number four. Otherwise Texan cowboy, missing ranch, hands,
Jesper (32m 41s):
Cows missing a love triangle. Orphan boy. It was so tropey, now that it's fantastic. Okay. But I have to deduct the 0.4, the fact that you would wake up your husband to look like to sleep and then your waking up to what is the most shitty stuff. But he was watching it with me and I don't think you can deduct a point unless we brought him in and asked him if it wasn't good or a bad, because he was laughing as we were, as I was looking at these yesterday, he was like, Oh my God. I remember that. So yeah. Will you say that?
Jesper (33m 22s):
I, yeah. Everybody can say that. I think it was fine, but Oh, but that one was actually not that bad for a really bad movie. Hmm. It was the special effects was just fantastic. I, I absolutely loved the door to source tongue. Oh yeah. Well, it was like a, the original King Kong and stuff like that. So it looks so bad the two, but it doesn't get in the movies too. I did not go back that far, but no, I didn't go back to that. Fight that because then you could have always, everything was shit. All right. Well that was my job, but so my next one.
Jesper (34m 4s):
Alright. You might actually recognize the voice in this clip. Okay. Okay. All right. Ready?
Audio Clip (34m 13s):
I learned the truth for a long time ago. Jennifer end of the dark is when the case for most of us alive, it's happening again?
Jesper (34m 28s):
Did you recognize the male voice? Oh, most, but he just couldn't quite catch it. It's Christmas later as I hear it now, but yeah. Okay. So which is this one? This is a, a lone in a dock. Oh, the one in the dark now I don't think I was sad. I swear one of the sentences, there is the exact same one that used the trailer for pitch black, which is visit. Yes. But that's a different, Okay. Anyway, this is a loan for the dock and I'm here to see where it's going to get slightly embarrassing. You know, you did watch this one. No, I did watch it.
Jesper (35m 7s):
Yes. But I have to admit how incredibly stupid. So this, this movie is based on the video game. Okay. So, so far so good. The only problem was that it is actually based on a different video game at night. I thought it was so I was really unprepared completely. So I went into this thinking that this was a movie on a video game That I love to play when I was a child, I really liked it. And then I started watching this movie and I was like, this makes no sense. I really don't understand how, how are they?
Jesper (35m 48s):
And it took me quite a while before I figured out that this is something completely different, just it was two different video games completely. And they have nothing to do with each other. But, and, and then I tried later on, I tried to figure out what, what what's that game called then? That I actually liked plating because I clearly remember it as it is called alone in a dark that game. But then when I looked alone or with the doc up on the internet, then I can see it's a different game. So it is not the same one, but I still haven't worked out what the, what the one that I wanted to watch was them. So I ended up watching this movie that has nothing to do with what I wanted.
Jesper (36m 32s):
Right. And I was in for the most shitty experience ever, because you're basically following like a supernatural detective who uncovers a long lost tribe who worshiped demons. And of course, demons are then attempting to reach into our world. OK. And our detectives can only stop them by acquiring the help of his ex ex-girlfriend. Of course, of course, because that's what you do. Well, see, that's why you shouldn't be broken up with her, you know? Yeah. So, yeah. You know what, I it's just, I just realized that basically my first three picks are horror movies that are, So let's say something.
Jesper (37m 20s):
I, well, horror movies, I think are hard to get right now. Yeah. It was just like the only thing that I can say, you don't want this movie. It, it is such a waste of time and it just to drive home the point. So listen to this quote, which is from the movie. Okay. Okay. And this is just to show us, she would do, this is a, So a bit of context. They are in a cave and the character to is going to speak here. I think it's a girlfriend, she's a pointing at some native American text on the wall into cave. Okay. And then she says, quote, it's a warning. It says, once you make it down here, live, you're already dead and quote.
Jesper (38m 4s):
It's just, I don't know. It was just like the most shitty dialogue I could. And I couldn't even make up something that's shitty. I did just that. It's all good. It was pretty much say it. I want to make it down here. Like if you're already dead, I mean, what the fuck are you talking about? That's impossible. Yeah. Hi. I guess its supposed to be frightening. What? I would have been like the grammar Nazi going. I don't know. I, I think he could reword this. Yeah. Oh my God. So bad. Please. Don't watch that movie. Well, I, I have, mine
Autumn (38m 37s):
Is not a horror movie. In fact mine is Fantasy. Yeah. I have fence coming up as well as good. I got to have in my list. So my number three is an ATAR, the fighting evil. Who have you ever heard of it? That
Jesper (38m 51s):
Sounds really bad.
Autumn (38m 55s):
It's the perfect trope. It starts the film opens or is this baby at star or who has a birth Mark? And so it means that someday it will, of course he will grow up to destroy the spider cold. And so can you, you know, there's this, it obviously this prophecy, so we got this prophecy baby birth Mark.
Jesper (39m 17s):
And that makes sense. Yeah.
Autumn (39m 19s):
So the high priest of the ancient one, he attempts to kill the baby's. So the birthmark is covered up and he sent off to live in a far away village where as he was growing up, he decided that he really actually is in love with a woman who's grown up at CES sister and he asked for permission to marry her. And that's what he finds out. It's not really a sister and he was adopted
Jesper (39m 41s):
And well, that was a very convenient,
Autumn (39m 44s):
This and that makes a fine, even though they grew up as siblings, I'm sure. No. Oh anyways. So in the home study setting, what can you do? Yeah, that's right teenagers. But you know, obviously the King finds out about it or it comes and how he feels his sister slash brother takes her back. And there's all these things like he finds this warrior again, another trope who was an enemy of this ancient source or that had Tara supposed to be the one to take down. So there's all of this law Amazons are in, there are this woman who is an Amazon and a woman who wins Hill and falls head over heels in love with them, but goes with them to rescue his wife, bride slash sister.
Autumn (40m 29s):
And she ends up dying, not the Sr the bride, she banks. It, it is so true. So convoluted, everyone's stereotypical your looking at the only good part was that, you know, what was the spider call? So there was a mess of spiders crawling all over and the, yeah. So the ancient one, the evil source, or was a pretty, it was kind of interesting, but it's, it's just pretty much, yeah. You can look to go through it and going, my head hurts. Hey,
Jesper (41m 1s):
How much can you just crawling in my head?
Autumn (41m 7s):
It was my head. Would've been better. I mean, if it had no direct Plott it just makes no sense, but he kept tripping over a things. And this word here is suppose to teach them how to fight and ends up actually having been working for the ancient world. It just, it was just, you're just finally going, just end it please.
Jesper (41m 26s):
He's put me out of my misery.
Autumn (41m 29s):
Why did you start this one? And yeah, if it wasn't him, you know, the robot's
Jesper (41m 34s):
A mystery science theater is sitting there groaning themselves. Yeah. You couldn't have made it through this one a lot. Oh my God. I don't understand why you want to so many good. If I am just masochistic, I guessed, I don't know what they were saying. That they were funny and they get better from here and go to the top two are just out of the park or I can't wait. Oh my God. Okay. Well I have two left. All right, let's go.
Jesper (42m 14s):
And this one is not horror. So this is what this one is. Well, it's Fantasy slash adventure. I would call it all right. Now you're paying attention. It's also the first movie and a series, which was actually one of my favorite series growing up. Okay. It was before streaming services. And I actually remember a friend on and myself. We went to a gas station just up the street back then. And then they had like displays have movies that you could rent. I think I remember a desk. There was a ton of them that was probably like 50 movies or something. That was probably It.
Jesper (42m 54s):
And you can shuffle through to them and find out what do you want it? And we rented THE, we had previously rented the first movie in this series and we really liked it. And then we got to this one with the second movie in this series. Okay. So see if you can get, guess what? This is
Audio Clip (43m 22s):
In the fall there's centuries bond burst. Nothing could have prepared them for an
Jesper (43m 31s):
It's just a way to say it. The quickening. It was just like, it sounds so bad. This is so eighties. It's incredible. Yeah, it is. It's a it's it's like, lets take a word and see if you can sell it. Say it in such a way. It sounds bad. Even though it was like the quickening. I mean, it sounds like what the heck they all came up with. So do you know what I mean? What movie does this? The quickening is like the subtitle of it that it's not ringing a bell. It's a Highlander to Oh, okay. Shoot at. It's been a long time. Yeah, indeed. I don't think honestly, I don't think I would enjoy Highland Highlander one today, but as a kid, but I loved it.
Jesper (44m 14s):
I thought it was still good that I was so cool. And all of that, you know, he, well, he was pretty gruesome, gruesome right in the cafeteria, the others. And then he got that powers. It's a pretty bad, but the way I loved it. And then we, we went to a, we rented this a, this a high level to, from the gas station and I was Probably like 14 years old or something. And we went home and what is it? And I hated it. Even back then as 14 years old, it was just like, it's a completely mindless story where the good guy fights the bad guy, but it's showing up it just because you don't, there is absolutely no point to it. There was nothing going on that that makes any meaning in this movie at all.
Jesper (44m 59s):
And it just makes no sense. And also it doesn't add anything to the story universe at all. I can, I can almost see it. It almost feels like somebody, you know, maybe the movie director or something went into the writers room, maybe at that point in time where they were all like brainstorming, what could this be? And then he just said, well, that sounds great. Let's take all of that. And we were just going to film It. No reason to no reason to change or any of them will just go straight with you as you have it here. It's it's like a complete mess. Oh my God. So you kill yourself. If you try to walk this way, because it's so bad.
Autumn (45m 42s):
I remember that from the eighties though. That's where the idea is that the second, you know, any of the sequels were always just like horrible. 'cause it's just like kind of like, Oh, some of like the first one that seemed to be a second one and they throw out everything was no sense, but it was not that surprising, But Oh, that is pretty. It is sad when they do something like that. Especially two where the first movie was it horrible though? Like you said, things had changed a little bit in since you were born.
Jesper (46m 9s):
I think it would be a horrible today, but you know, when I was like 13 or something, I don't know. I can remember a time when the first one came out probably a couple of years before, but 12, 13 years old or whatever, it was amazing, but they don't want us to the second one.
Autumn (46m 26s):
I'll keep that in mind. I mean, you have to remember it. So your, your closer in age to my husband. So I was a few years older and by that time I could drive and I don't know if I was watching bad movies at that time. Yeah.
Jesper (46m 38s):
I don't know. Maybe, you know, well then I'll go back and revisit it. Yeah.
Autumn (46m 43s):
Okay. Unless I really feel like watching bad movies, which like, if you've already agreed, I might be like for some strange reason, so bad that you're, you turn off your author brain and you just go, wow.
Jesper (46m 56s):
I hate it because I feel like I'm wasting my life is like, I'm never going to get this one and a half hours back. This is just a complete waste of life.
Autumn (47m 5s):
I understand. Alright, well that, you're going to love my number two. Then you are ready. This one is more scifi. It's like, yeah, it's called the daytime ended and a bad day. Well, let's say the whole movie fits into the note that was in Wikipedia about the name that the film was originally titled. Earth's final fury, which is, that's a pretty good title. Yeah, no, that was pretty cool. That was changed the vortex because they thought it would sell more tickets. And the final title, the day time ended, came around For no one knows why that's pretty much fits the movie
Jesper (47m 41s):
Except for the war Tech's title. The other two is for sure
Autumn (47m 45s):
That that's all fine, but I would not say that that would not sell it. So this one, the premise is this family, a young family, parents, two kids moved to the Sonoran desert, which was a very pretty desert. And then the other grandparents and these weird, it's a super Nova in conjunction sort of thing going on. And then those are the reports about UFO's or in the area. And the one daughter kind of has this telepathic connection to one of the aliens. And then the grandmother C is one overnight. Of course there's lots of screaming and running and they're terrified. And I think that they see the UFO was with a really horrible light's in the sky and they run outside. I remember the horses getting away as well.
Autumn (48m 26s):
There, we had a little ranch in all of the family hides over night in separate areas because they are terrified. And while they're outside hiding, there is actually these giant monsters that come through a reptilian thing and this other thing, and they're just battling it out in the snow and Derrick deserts. But then the UFL is come back and like lasers at the monsters and then the sunrises and everyone gets up and they walk and they're all together as a family. And they would look over in through the next Valley. And there's this weird futuristic city, which I actually didn't know until I read the plot on this one, that it actually is supposed to be like a thousand years until the future. I had no clue watching it. And then it adds with like the doctor saying that it's all going to be fine now.
Autumn (49m 11s):
That's it. Hey, when was this made? Is not as old as its sound. I might've been the 80th as well. So it would have
Jesper (49m 22s):
To go like special effects and stuff like
Autumn (49m 25s):
That as well. Really horrible. I mean the reptilian amphibious creatures that are fighting, I don't even know why they were there, where they came from, what they had to do with the little UFO's that are zapping through the walls and these a little space lights and people would freeze. And it's just
Jesper (49m 44s):
Sounds more confusing than anything. That's it? Like you even do it even explaining what it was about. You lost me a bit there, like, Oh yeah.
Autumn (49m 52s):
Oh, what are you? There is no sense. And like I said, until I actually read the description of it to remind myself what it was. I was like, I don't see how you go from Okay. To conjunctions aliens, reptilian, creatures fighting each other to the future. So I joke now I actually thought they ended up on the alien planet and they have been transported there. I chose blue what was going on in some really bad acting and really bad explaining. I, and even
Jesper (50m 28s):
When I think about horses and the desert, Alrighty, you should've been a clue, that's it? Yeah. That doesn't work very well for a range of situations. But yeah, no. So it's, that one was pretty painful. Not as bad as number one, but it was pretty. Yeah. Hmm. Okay. I think that one you had before, it sounded Western this one way to be honest, but Okay. So the final one on my list is also one way I loved the original, Okay. Is also one from my childhood. So it was probably not that good today if I watched it again, but I won't, but this is not a sequel.
Jesper (51m 10s):
This is a remake and it's from 2002. So C if you can guess what this is,
Audio Clip (51m 21s):
It's the world's number one phenomenon. I cruise. They just thought that you could just write it in. And three players, rules. The game told you this, the promised land two or three, two, one.
Jesper (51m 44s):
That was just somebody's laughing because he, I didn't know, he just slammed him into the ground or something. It might be a bit of tough one to guess if I was gonna say it, but it's going to be Eddie gu…