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Val & Alec
Val flightcub and their crime-solving friends discuss Elementary, the best show on television.
Oct 11, 2022
Episode 51 – Some Real Among Us Type Stuff
Val's irregular, Joe @thetallestjew, is back, and this time we're talking math! There's all kinds of mathematical questions in season 3 episode 4 of Elementary, A Regular Irregular, and there's even more in this podcast episode. What kind of math do cops do? What's the evilest number? And why do we still have to learn pre-calc in high school, even though it sucks so much??? This episode of Elementary also features a very gifable, very ship-able moment. You can join the LMNOP discord to see a screencap of Marcus Bell being a little guy, but you'll have to watch the episode of the Elementary for the totally-not-romantic accidental embrace that he shares with Sherlock. Joe (he/him) @thetallestjew Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 34 min
Aug 29, 2022
Episode 50 – Bird Murder Is Also Bad
This episode title might be taking a bold stance, but we stand behind it: it's bad to kill other people's pets, actually. Eris returns to the pod once again to join Val in discussion about Season 3 Episode 2 of Elementary, The Five Orange Pipz. Sherlock is really back, and Bell is loving that. Joan is spending more time with Sherlock and Kitty, and Kitty is hating that. This episode also features side characters like Special Agent Shaved Seth Rogan, and AUSA Obviously Up To Something. Listen to the end of the ep to hear our conversations about Eris's crab prank gone wrong, and filing taxes, both exciting subjects . Eris (she/her) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Jul 14, 2022
Episode 49 – Oppa Watson Style
I could've sworn there was already an episode titled Oppa Something Style, but apparently this is the first one! János returns to watch and discuss Elementary's season 3 premiere, Enough Nemesis to Go Around. Speaking of, Joan has obtained a nemesis in this episode, named either Ilana, or Elena, or Elana, depending on when in the podcast episode Val is pronouncing it. Join Val and János in taking a moment of silence to imagine a bird on a leash, looking at some of the worst facial hair on Johnny Lee Miller, and advocating for Karen rights. We eat a loooot of cereal as we guess that surely The Elementary Kidz don't solve this one, and surely Joan and Sherlock are broken up forever! Also featured: improvements on the perfect crime, and a very illuminating DVD box cover János found at the library. János (he/they) @corruptversion Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 33 min
Jun 20, 2022
Episode 48 – Ms.Communication
Welp, Mycroft is still here, so we had a lot to say this time. Best friend of the show, aka Jo @friendofdashow, joins Val to discuss Season 2 episode 24 of Elementary, The Grand Experiment. Many secrets are revealed in the finale of season 2, including Jo's $60 secret which very well could have destroyed the podcast. We explore absolutely terrible op sec, doubly idiotic double-agents, and how much Mycroft sucks still. Tangents include movie-theater phone horror stories, and the origin stories of the Energizer/Duracell bunny and Joann Fabrics. They're more dramatic than it sounds, trust me. Jo (he/they) @FriendOfDaShow Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Jun 6, 2022
Episode 47 – Cabal at the Queen and Country Club
It's the penultimate episode of season 2! Exciting! And Mycroft is here. Bummer. This week friend of the show Jo joins Val to dive into the world of spydom and British intrigue. We watched Season 2, Episode 23 of Elementary, Art in the Blood. Sherlock visits a club for gentlemen, which is not a gentlemen's club. Joan and Sherlock investigate why a body at the morgue had its arms stolen, and Jo and Val absolutely roast Mycroft's stupid bangs. Jo (he/they) @friendofdashow Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 58 min
Apr 26, 2022
Episode 46 – Hey Yoda!
Genetics. Anesthesiology. Formula 1 drama. Playing 5,000 hours on Runescape and earning no points. These are all things Val learned about this week, from friend of the show Joe "Bulldozer"! We watched season 2, episode 22 of Elementary, Paint It Black. Joan has been kidnapped! Will the rich little Holmes boys save her? Will she save her captor's cousin? What's Val's cousin up to these days? Also, is torture bad? These are all questions we dive into answering this week as we take a trip to everyone's least favorite Ren Faire, Demonic Times. Joe (he/him) @thetallestjew Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
2 hr 7 min
Apr 12, 2022
Episode 45 – Minecraft is Here
Tuesday Again? Miss Hudson! This episode, Val is joined by friend of the show Argyle, of Kamurocho Radio, Pod of Greed, and Wow! Cool Robot Section 4. They watched Season 2 Episode 21 of Elementary, The Man With The Twisted Lip. Sherlock's brother has landed in NYC, with a straight agenda and some suspicious characters near him. It's getting very European in here... We discuss suspicious frenchmen, uovo a sorpresa de bambini, high-tech drones and low-tech CGI, and Pringles Man Heroin, all while remembering to be very respectful of law enforcement. Argyle (he/him) @argyle_funk Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Mar 28, 2022
Episode 44 – Extendo-Pointer Watch
Returning guest Jo and Val say f**k Jeff and his birds, after watching Season 2 and Episode 20 of Elementary, No Lack of Void. We examine the downsides of eating a bag you found, admire some incredible character names like Apollo Mercer, learn a about Canadian indigenous politics, and ruminate over the nature of ghosts. Val is definitely NOT selling illegal dirt, so don't contact them for the large variety of competitive prices available. Anyway, did you know Sherlock is British? If you didn't, you will definitely know after this episode. Guest host Jo (he/they) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
2 hr 5 min
Mar 1, 2022
Episode 43 – Ska Surgery and These Dang Teeth
Val is aided in Lucy Liuking respectfully at Lucy Liu this week by friend of the show Summer Geist, the artist behind LMNOP's cover art! In an episode that may or may not have been recorded on Halloween (it wasn't), Val explains what the heck Summer just watched, which was of course Season 2 episode 19 of Elementary, The Many Mouths of Aaron Colville. Listen along if you want to learn who Everybody is and what they want from Sherlock, if you're also a fan of Rube Goberb bachibes, or if you're just just looking to crank some ska and skank in the corner with an OR nurse. And make sure you stick it out all the way to the end, for the fun Q&A segment where Summer discusses a huge bug and Val wishes they could go back to a time when they didn't know those existed. Summer (she/they) [@stellarghost] (twitter.com/stellarghost) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 35 min
Jan 10, 2022
Episode 42 – Adam Dentist, Who Is Not The Dentist
Val welcomes a new friend of the show Eris on the podcast this week! We watched Season 2, Episode 18 of Elementary, The Hound of the Cancer Cells. It's basically nothing like the original story, but the title sounds good. Eris is also a veteran watcher of Elementary, so she is able to discuss in-depth such topics as: how Sherlock and the gang would feel about NFTs, how they would tweet, and even Shercus (aka Belllock) and how good it is. We also discuss related shows such as Psych, Leverage, and House, while agreeing that Elementary is still the best one. It's nice to have a guest on who is correct! Eris (she/her) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 41 min
Dec 27, 2021
Episode 41 – Ears: Two, Ew!
Val is joined this week by fellow Zero to Zero host Sam, host of podcasts such as Kyle X Why? and Juergen It, who may have usurped Sherlock's position as #1 detective in the world while watching this episode. This week we watched Season 2 episode 17 of Elementary, Ears To You. Val and Sam discuss Val's intentions to take over as editor and contributor to the Sherlock fan wiki, commiserate over the terrible customer service provided by the kidnappee help line, and contemplate the himbo-bozo continuum. Don't worry, there are male chickens in this episode, but we would never do something as gross as making dick jokes. Sam (he/him) @posistress Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 31 min
Dec 13, 2021
Episode 40 – Richard Balsille
Vague SPOILERS for the movie Mother at 1:28:15. This week, Val is joined by their fellow Zero to Zero host Giga to discuss Season 2 Episode 16, The One Percent Solution. I hope you like dick jokes, because this week Sherlock adopts some former-cockfighting cocks and encounters a guy named Dick Balsille, which sounds like Dick Ball Seal. Val and Giga get a little excitable with the blue wordplay, as Val also learns that the Grand Tetons are a mountain range named after boobs. But! We also discuss things like Themes, and character development, and how much we think Gareth Lestrade seems like he sucks. Giga (they/them) @gigalithic Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 35 min
Nov 17, 2021
Episode 39 – Sex Laws and Phone Crimes
Val is joined by Morg, of Digimon Ghost Gays, Sonic Shuffle, Departure Lounge, and the 0079 series of Wow!! Cool Robot!!, to discuss how COOL and STRAIGHT Sherlock Holmes is. He's hetero and has sex with women this episode!!! We watched Elementary Season 2 Episode 15, Corpse de Ballet. It's a bit of wordplay since this episode is about dancers, one of whom is a little spicier than the others (though it is inconclusive if he is spicy enough to hang dong for the lonely housewives of New Jersey). We also meet some guys who just really suck this week. Just some dudes you hate to see. Sherlock's fanboy status threatens to jeopardize the case, or maybe strengthen it, Joan goes on her own B plot detective story, and Bell is there as well. Love me some Bell and Morg confirms that Marcus Bell is, in fact, handsome. Morg (they/them) @Hauntingthemorg Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 18 min
Oct 26, 2021
Episode 38 – Martin Luther's 69th Thesis
Nice, that's the weed number! This week, who better to guest on LMNOP, which is a podcast, than János, the podcasting fiend? Val is joined by the host of Who Watches the Watch, Lynchpin, Tintintin-Tin Tin-Tintin, Kvothe Killer Chronicles, The Age of Podz, A Song of Babys and Puppys, and probably some more I forgot to add, János to discuss season 2 episode 14 of Elementary, Dead Clade Walking. János teaches Val German words, which seem to basically just be English words, and discusses how second-wave feminism and nonbinary identity have affected the German language. We also talk about Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Mozart's Marriage of Figaro, the provocative purpose of science, and gay behaviors such as sleeping. Did I mention this episode is about dinosaurs? We are all over the map on this one, folks, it's a good time. Real Elementary fans will notice that Lucy Liu is pretty in this show, and real LMNOP fans will be unsurprised to know Val mentions that fact once again. János (he/they)…
1 hr 45 min
Sep 27, 2021
Episode 37 – Handless Bobby
This week, Val and new friend of the show Argyle, of Kamurocho Radio and Pod of Greed, discuss All in the Family season 2 episode 13, Christmas Day at the Bunkers'. This week, Archie is depressed because he did not get his usual Christmas bonus. How will the family cheer him up? ...Just kidding, this is LMNOP, so we're talking about Elementary! Season 2 episode 13 of Elementary is called All in The Family. We meet a lot of mob guys this week, who are really smart and good at encrypting emails and opening hot dog buns. We also learn a bit about the real demographics unit of the NYPD, which it turns out was horrible and did literally nothing of value, before talking about the fictional demographics unit, which is a lot less horrible but still pretty racist. Bell's new job reveals a headless, handless body, so he brings in Major Case and is starts to slowly reunite with Sherlock, not that he missed him or anything you baka. Sherlock and Marcus have a VERY Shercus moment this episode, on t…
1 hr 12 min
Sep 10, 2021
Episode 36 – Concession (Stand)s Have Been Made
The hiatus is over, and we're back! The podcast has changed lineup a little bit, but it is still about simping over Lucy Liu and admiring Johnny Lee Miller's acting abilities. This week, Val and guest Jo discuss season 2 episode 12, The Diabolical Kind. This episode features the evil (or is she?) mastermind of Moriarty, so we're in for lots of twists and twurns as always. It's laundry day, and we have on our best dress shirt and swim trunks on to go on yet another failed True Romantix date. Also discussed are attempts to answer the questions of love and morality, and the ideal way to paint Lucy Liu's mystical fursona. Val would also like to take a moment to apologize to elizabeth leafcrunch for reminding everyone of her knife truck post in this episode, and for bringing it up again now. Guest host Jo (he/they) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 35 min
May 4, 2021
Episode 35 – Give That a Taste, Bud
Are you Randy?? Or maybe Gay? Even if you're just a Guy, no matter what your name is you will love this episode of LMNOP! Alec and Val are back, with a short cameo from Balto, who has been up to adorable dog shenanigans since last episode. This week, we watched Season 2 Episode 11 of Elementary, Internal Audit. Discussions are hard-pressed to stay on topic this week as we discuss hubba bubba bubble gum, our experiences with mild internet fame, and what Sherlock might change his name to if he married Joan. Val's best guess is John Watson. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 33 min
Apr 5, 2021
Episode 34 – One Bad Slorp and She Do What I Organ
There's a furry friend amogus! Is it a baby? Is it a puppy? No, it's a tigey! Val and Alec welcome a hilarious guest this week, Sara @sunhatzhenya! We discuss Season 2 Episode 10 of Elementary, Tremors. Sherlock is doing some light perjury, but Sara is very honest with us about her anime-watching, her history of having been bonked on the head, and her story of buying and losing a $19 DVD as a child on vacation. Did you know Elementary and Columbo have a lot in common? Sara knew! Intro (and outro!) song by Noah Geist Join our discord!
1 hr 41 min
Mar 24, 2021
Episode 33 – Laerge Lermins
Huggin' on laerge lermins is what you need to make lerminade. That's what Granpappy taught us! This week, Val and Alec watched Season 2, Episode 9 of Elementary, On the Line. This episode we welcome you to Hollywood, then do not talk about Hollywood for the rest of the time. We do discuss Det. Vampire Jerry, who sucks, as well as Lucas Bunsch, a normal guy who says normal and not serial killer-y things. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 11 min
Mar 8, 2021
Episode 32 – Walnuts
This week, Val and Alec watched Season 2 Episode 8 of Elementary, Blood is Thicker. What is it thicker than, you might ask? You'll just have to listen in to find out! This episode dives into medicine and animal husbandry as we discuss koalas who are poor, donkey racing, and the dog olympics. And, hopefully you're not already hungry, or our dicussion of moose cheese might just set your borborygmus (aka curmurring) into overdrive. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
Feb 22, 2021
Episode 31 – Horse Divorce
This week, Alec and Val use their gift of foresight (or maybe hindsight) to partially spoil some clues from Season 2 Episode 7, The Marchioness. Sherlock's brother is back! And we get to meet his ex-fiancee... Yes, that ex-fiancee. She went on to marry a Marquis Byell, and she got a divorce horse for her troubles. Time to take one bite of risotto and then spend the whole episode acting awkward about adults doing normal adult things! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 26 min
Feb 15, 2021
Episode 30 – Inedible Arrangements
Val and Alec are celebrating Valentine's week with our favorite non-romantic partners, Joan and Sherlock! This week, we watched Elementary Season 2, Episode 6. We debate over some onscreen disagreements, we list some presidents in correct chronological order, and of course we make puns. Other topics of interest include barkeology, bellends, and designer ski masks. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 24 min
Feb 1, 2021
Episode 29 – All Fro, No 'Gurt
Shadelock Holmes is disappointed that a lot of people are alive this week, but Joan has an official case tracking down an anthropomorphic cereal tiger. Alec and Val watched Elementary Season 2 Episode 5, "Ancient History" this week. We dispense useful advice such as not to let your baby chew on $20 bills, and not to chew on your baby. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 31 min
Jan 25, 2021
Episode 28 – Pleasure Parlor Room Reveal
This week, Val and Alec take a big sip of blueberry milk and discuss the silly beginning and serious ending of Season 2 Episode 4 of Elementary, Poison Pen. (content warning in this episode for csa; we flag it within the audio as well so you know when it's coming up). If you are a chap in chaps, the CEO of S.I.M.P., or looking to become pen pals with the lovely Annebigail, this is the episode for you! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 21 min
Jan 18, 2021
Episode 27 – All On Her Joan
Joan and Sherlock are on the case to save New Gork City, Yorgia from a group of leaks and hackers! Val and Alec discuss Joan's further education as a detective, plus Sherlock's flair for vocabulary in this installment of Enby, Interrupted. This week we watched Season 2, Episode 3, We Are Everyone. The title refers to the group of hackers, whose name is very original and not derivative of anything in real life. Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Everybody be Backstreet Boys Join our discord!
1 hr 29 min
Jan 11, 2021
Episode 26 – What the Function!?
Season's Measons, everyone! This week, we watched Elelmentary Season 2 Episode 2, Solve for X. This episode features a lot of math, some ink that is NOT semen-based, and some actors who were in other media (if you can believe that). If the semen/ink thing isn't suggestive enough for you, we sprinkle in some penis handwriting analysis as well. Word to the wise: this episode, Val debuts a hilarious salad joke they wrote that is a must-listen! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 15 min
Jan 4, 2021
Episode 25 – It's Not Over 'Til the Pink Lady Sings
Welcome to the year of the cow! This episode gets nice and milky as Sherlock and Joan head off to London, the home of rich people who get their teeth pulled for fun, and the world's biggest eye. It's looking right at you and blinking quite dangerously. Don't worry about it! This week we watched Season 2 Episode 1 of CBS Elementary, Step Nine. We meet some new characters from the Sherlock Holmes canon, including one who Joan didn't know existed! Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 24 min
Dec 30, 2020
Episode 24 – What That Mace Dickdu Tho?
This week we watched the season 1 FINALE of Elementary, aka episode 24 Heroine. (tw for drug overdose near the end of the episode. You will know it's coming up when we start talking about Sherlock showering, tragically without Bell.) Balto goes all out for the finale, and licks the microphone because he's a dog. We learned that family can be just a guy, or a woman doing surgery on a corncob, or two girlz going on a girlz date. This podcast is just goofing around, no racism against Italians or threats of violence in Minecraft against senate majority turtles is intended and you can bet your bottom Mace-buck on that! (Stick around after the episode for some bonus Balto bontent.) Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello Join our discord!
1 hr 19 min
Dec 21, 2020
Episode 23 – Naughtily Dormer
This week we watched s1e23 of Elementary, "The Woman". And so did Roy, our hilarious guest!!! We discuss women such as Natalie Dormer, tiny short king Marcus Bell, peeping and pooping out of your nightie's buttflap, and Val's biography The Audacity of Discord. This episode has a great guest AND a big twist! You gotta listen, folks! Photo discussed in the "symmetrical faces" portion: https://www.unilad.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/symmetrical_celebs_12.jpg Intro song by Noah Geist Outro song is Faith by George Michael Join our discord!
1 hr 38 min
Dec 14, 2020
Episode 22 – Irene Adler the American Werewolf in London
For this week's episode of Look, Mom! Nobody Old Podcasts (LMNOP for short), we watched season 1 episode 22 of Elementary, Risk Management. Val shows off their knowledge of The Nanny theme song, and complete lack of ability to speak or remember Latin. Every version of Watson is in danger this week, so make sure you've been immunized against Saudi A-Rabies, stay hydrated, and lose your tail (your monkey tail)!
1 hr 3 min
Dec 8, 2020
Episode 21 – Chechov's Object
Val and Alec overcome their salamander tongue to talk about Sherlock and Joan's descent to the dark side. This week we watched Season 1 Episode 21, A a Landmark story. This episode features a lot of interesting characters such as Concrete Teeth, Mr. Beep, Moron, and the iconic duo Bernie and Ert. Join our discord!
1 hr 24 min
Nov 30, 2020
Episode 20 – I Can Has Cheesegrilleder?
This week, after watching Season 1 Episode 20 of Elementary, Dead Man's Switch, Val and Alec stab in the dark at some truths of the universe. What would a hypothetical bell sound like? What is the difference between concrete and cement? What kind of chip could you eat if it was a year old? That last one was submitted to us by a listener and we do answer it pretty well. We're about as good at knowing things as Johnny Lee Miller is at doing an American accent, which is to say it comes and goes. Join our discord!
1 hr 16 min
Nov 19, 2020
Episode 19 – R.O.F.B.A.
Oops, kind of a late upload this week, sorry about that! After featuring in last week's episode, Balto has become a bit addicted to the fame and could not help himself but join this week as well. He has some fun facts to tell us about the newest member of the Elementary cast of characters, Ms. Hudson! This week we watched season 1 episode 19 of Elementary, Snow Angels. This leads us to muse about such topics as old-timey rhino snowplows, Val's status as an overalls guy and wig freak, and the latest gadget: the iPhone 4. Join our discord!
1 hr 24 min
Nov 9, 2020
Episode 18 – Bernie Madolf Hitler
This week, Val and Alec watched Season 1 Episode 18 of Elementary, Déjà Vu All Over Again. Also, we watched Season 1 Episode 18 of Elementary, Déjà Vu All Over Again. This episode features a fiddler, a push-ee, a suspiciously eyebrowless husband, and a few different kinds of trunk. If this all sounds familiar, you may be suffering from déjà vu's lesser known cousin, déjà who. Join our discord!
Oct 26, 2020
Episode 17 – Oops! All Geneticists!
This episode, Balto finally speaks his mind! He's not just a background character of LMNOP, he has things to say, and this week he says them. We watched Elementareep Season 1 Episode 17, Possibility Two. Joan has finally started to embrace the detective life, and Sherlock has plenty of Holmeswork to help her learn more. She's reading, she's learning single stick, she's... taking his sweaters to the dry cleaner? It's all part of learning to be a detective. Alec and Val took any and every opportunity to sing and be stupid this week, and we introduced some new faces to the LMNOP discord. Join our discord! disclaimer: if you're unfamiliar with dogs like Val was when they met Balto, please don't be worried about his barking. Huskies are just notoriously "vocal," aka he loves to complain.
1 hr 33 min
Oct 19, 2020
Episode 16 – Who Framed Marcus Rabbit?
This week, we watched Season 1 Episode 16, Details. Joan makes a big step this week, no thanks to Sherlock's gorilla tactics and granny shots. And don't get any funny ideas about what a granny shot is, it's a normal term. Alec and Val also do some OTGW-style singing, and debate about who's the sexiest Holmes and Watson. Is Lucy Liu foxy? Listen in to find out!
1 hr 21 min
Oct 12, 2020
Episode 15 – A Little Tube Covered in Clues
Maybe Sherlock with it, maybe it's Maybelline! This week we watched Season 1 Episode 15, A Giant Gun Filled With Drugs. Someone's been taken, like in the movie Taken, so a bad influence pops back into Sherlock's life even though Joan might want him to ge' ou' of her swump. (This episode of Elementary had a character with a Scottish accent in it, so we attempt to emulate it, to great success.) Join our Discord!
1 hr 9 min
Sep 28, 2020
Episode 14 – Call Him Feral
This week your hosts Val and Alec have watched Season 1 Episode 14 of Elementary, The Deductionist. More like, the duck shinist. Joan and Sherlock have a lot to contend with this week, like serial killers and eVeN wOrSe, pornography. We provide Balto the dog with some mixed messages while we discuss profilers, single stick, and anti-kidney beans.
1 hr 16 min
Sep 21, 2020
Episode 13 – The Blood-Orange Planet
Was the moon landing real? Val and Alec aren't sure. This week, we watched Season 1 Episode 13 of Elementary, The Red Team. Or maybe that's just what NASA wants you to believe... Pour yourself a nice bub of tea, and come listen as we discuss conspiracy theories, tortoises, and doing a tight fifteen at your therapist's office. Join our discord!
1 hr 8 min
Sep 14, 2020
Episode 12 – Bedazzle My Butthole
Val and Alec, or shall we say V and A, discuss season 1 episode 12 of Elementary, "M." This episode, Sherlock and Joan are soon to part ways. Or are they...???? Val and Alec discuss Ms.Monopoly, futbol, craft nights, and adding "details" to your "backdoor." As usual, Balto the dog can't help but join in. Join our discord!
1 hr 8 min
Sep 7, 2020
Episode 11 – My Low Speem Court
We're back, coming to you LIVE (pre-recorded) from our new studio! This week we watched Season 1 Episode 11, Dirty Laundry. Like that Spin Doctors song! And, there's a pen. Outfit watch is in high gear this week, as we tip, blip, and make Russian puns. We also do some very bad Russian accents, so to all the people who know what they're supposed to sound like, we apologize.
Aug 24, 2020
Episode 10 – Cheese Quab
(It means cheek swab.) This week we watched Elementary S1E10, The Leviathan. It's a big safe that's hard to crack, but only because nobody's tried to make it spicy before. Val and Alec are here to solve the case, but first we're driving a smelly fishy car to Sing-Sing the Karaoke bar, wearing our matching BOGO bolo ties. Hopefully there will be some cool twins there we can meet. Also, surprise, this episode features Balto the puppy and his puppy sounds!
1 hr 36 min
Aug 10, 2020
Episode 9 – A Robbery Gone Two-Eye Bad
In a rare turn of events, this episode of LMNOP got a little silly. Just kidding, they're always silly! We do a little singing, a little fake crying, a lot of goofing, and a small amount of talking about peep and poop. If you would like to learn about shiny gambling parlours, and talk to English with us of detectives, listen in. This week we watched Season 1 Episode 9, You Do It To Yourself.
1 hr 2 min
Aug 3, 2020
Episode 8 – The Bomb Dot Gov
Talk about a blast from the past! This week Alec and Val and the cast of Elementary take a trip down memory lane as we watch Season 1 Episode 8, The Long Fuse. We check our savings at the Saucy Lizard Bank, and Alec clues us in on some Disney knowledge. This episode of LMNOP features an extensive musical break (a capella) after Val tells Alec that that one Spin Doctors song is by the Spin Doctors. Join our discord!
Jul 28, 2020
Episode 7 – Vitamin P
(The P stands for pee.) This week, Alec and Val visit Little Soccer Chechnia, by way of a heated discussion of Cinderella's motives, with a stopoff at a murder most fart. We watched season 1 episode 7, One Way to Get Off. The title kind of refers to what you think it does, and kind of not. This episode has a serial killer, and we all know serial killers are pervs. We are also graced with a cameo by producer of the show Balto, who has a lot of talents. Join our new discord! Intro song by Noah Geist
1 hr 6 min
Jul 20, 2020
Episode 6 – Dad Doesn't Real
This week we make LMNOP history as we welcome our first-ever guest, the lovely and hilarious elizabeth leafcrunch! We all watched a "pilot" episode, season 1 episode 6 Flight Risk. Do you get it? It's about a plane. But our episode is about much more- like pirate jesus, sh!tting and f@rting, american/canadian cereal differences, and dad conspiracy theories. Y'know, normal stuff.
1 hr 19 min
Jul 13, 2020
Episode 5 – Perfume Her Dingle
After watching season 1 episode 5, Lesser Evils, Alec and Val do our darnedest to figure out what PhD stands for. We also get dating advice from Dave, a very insignificant character, whose name is the only one we remember. This episode features such guest stars as that guy from Stranger Things, and that guy from Breaking Bad! It's set in a hospital for the most part, so Joan shows off her doctor knowledge, and we show off our complete lack thereof.
Jul 6, 2020
Episode 4 – One-Kick Man and Edward Scissormouth
Val and Alec discuss S1E4, Rat Race. What if it was about a rat rave instead? That would be cool, but it's not, it's about sociopathic investment bankers. Joan goes on a date and flexes her investigator muscles, Sherlock does some accents, we have fun, and we learn something about friendship along the way.
Jun 29, 2020
Episode 3 – Cap on the Top
CUTE ALERT! This episode features an appearance by producer of the show Balto the dog, and his little dog dreams. This week we have watched S1E3, Child Predator- as a positive spoiler, the kid ends up being OK. We explore wine bottle anatomy, growing friendships, and bad puns. This episode of Elementary is a bit of a milestone for Val, who has been thinking about (and yelling about) one particular moment in it for years.
Jun 22, 2020
Episode 2 – Chair Smells
This episode is what it says on the tin, Sherlock just smells a chair. Just kidding, there's lots of other stuff to talk about! Like comas, and private parts. He does smell a chair tho, that's real.
Jun 15, 2020
Episode 1 – Pilot: Married-Time Law
Introducing LMNOP! We are your hosts, Val flightcub and Alec. This episode, we discuss the pilot of CBS's Elementary, starring Lucy Liu and Johnny Lee Miller. We also offer some tips on which food goes in the fridge, and what can be stored on a shelf, as well as other smart wisdoms.