Behind Our Smiles Marriage Podcast
Joe and Tara Buchanan
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Welcome to the Behind Our Smiles Podcast! We’re your hosts, Joe & Tara Buchanan. We were married in 1997, we have four amazing children, and we want to share with you the real-life behind our smiles... The things we still struggle with, the things we finally have victory over, and the truth from God’s Word that we know will always carry us. Join us for some candid conversations as we look for ways to pursue a connection with God and each other and find joy even in the struggle.
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4 days ago
Episode 114: Don't Tell That Story!
When we get married, my story and your story merge together to make our story. Have you ever shared your marriage story with anyone else? Do you even agree on what your marriage story is? In this episode we share how we learned to tell our story and the value in sharing it.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Nov 21, 2023
Episode 113: Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! We’re hopping in your podcast feed this week to talk briefly about the holiday season and the things we are most thankful for.
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Nov 14, 2023
Episode 112: Can I Tell You a Story?
Everyone loves a good story. But not all stories are good stories, and many stories are not easy to tell. One secret to intimacy in marriage is knowing each other’s stories and those events in our lives that have shaped us. How do we tell each other our stories in ways that are honest and helpful? In this episode we’re sharing how we have told our stories to each other.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Nov 7, 2023
Episode 111: You Stretch Me!
Stretching our bodies physically allows us to move in ways we haven’t moved before and allows us to be more effective and prepared for future activities. But even the simple act of stretching is work and is about being willing to get in positions your body may not be used to! It can be uncomfortable. Relationally, we can experience the same discomfort in our marriages when we are stretched. In this week’s episode, we share the ways we stretch each other that have allowed us to grow.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 31, 2023
Episode 110: I'm Afraid Too!
Do you or your spouse struggle with fear? In the second part of “I’m afraid” we continue our conversation about fear. Even though fear is a spiritual battle, that battle also affects our marriages. We may fear different things. We may respond to fear differently. In this episode, we talk about how to support each other in those times we are afraid.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 24, 2023
Episode 109: I'm Afraid!
Have you even been afraid? Everyone deals with fear at some point in our lives. And we all have to figure out how to deal with it. In this week’s episode we’re talking how we have been affected by fear and how we submit those fears to God.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 17, 2023
Episode 108: I Want To Hold Your Hand!
Holding hands is often one of our first of expressions of physical affection. And even though we may be married for many years now, holding hands is a powerful type of nonverbal communication that can help us in our pursuit of connection. What does holding hands communicate to you?
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 10, 2023
Episode 107: God, I Trust You With the List (ICYMI #43)
In this episode, we are going behind the smiles of authors/speakers, Mark and Jill Savage. After 28 years of marriage, they experienced one of the hardest challenges a marriage can face: infidelity. Mark and Jill share some of the slow fades and the spiritual and emotional battles that preceded the near death of their marriage. Most importantly, they share how they found restoration and healing as they let God transform them into “Mark and Jill 2.0”
Jill is the host of the No More Perfect Podcast and the author of twelve books including Real Moms…Real Jesus and No More Perfect Moms. Together Mark and Jill have authored two books, Living With Less So Your Family Has More and No More Perfect Marriages. You can find out more at Markandjill.org
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 3, 2023
Episode 106: Wow God!
Have you ever had that moment in your life where all you could manage to say was, Wow, God? We have experienced many moments like that in our lives and it never gets old seeing God at work. In this episode we share some of our favorite Wow God! moments as well as share about the new Wow God Stories podcast.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Sep 26, 2023
Episode 105: Same!
Many times our differences in marriage is what stands out the most. But it’s also helpful to notice the values and goals that we have in common. What are the areas that we should aim to be on the same page? In this week’s episode, we’re sharing our common values and the times that we both say, “SAME!!”
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Sep 19, 2023
Episode 104: We're So Different
Almost very couple has said at some point in their marriage, “We’re just so different!!” Our differences can be a major source of conflict, or a source of strength. In this episode, we share some our differences and how they have have learned to lean into them.
To connect with us on social media:
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Email: tara@behindoursmiles.com
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Sep 12, 2023
Episode 103: Can You Fix This For Me?
Do you ever have to fix things for your spouse? Modern life means there are lots of things that can break and lots of things that need to be fixed! In this week’s episode, we talk about the things we can fix for each other- and the things we can’t.
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Sep 5, 2023
Episode 102: Let's Stay Home
Would you rather go out, or stay home? Many times the answer for us is “stay home” because there’s something comforting about being in a place where we can let our hair down and just be. In our marriage, even though we don’t always agree about whether to go out or stay in, we both agree on the value of a happy home life. In this week’s episode, we talk about creating a home that we want to stay in!
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Aug 29, 2023
Episode 101: I Went to the School of Hard Knocks!
What kind of school did you go to as a child? Was life pretty easy or was it more often filled with hard knocks? Many of the lessons that school teaches us stay with us for a long time. Especially if your childhood had a lot of hardship, you may end up being more street-smart than book-smart. In this week’s episode, we talk about the effects of going to “The School of Hard Knocks.”
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Aug 22, 2023
Episode 100: Let's Party!
Do you like to party? This week is our 100th episode so it’s time to celebrate! In honor of this milestone, we are sharing about the value of celebration (and parties) in our marriages!
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Aug 15, 2023
Episode 99: We're Not Getting A Dog!
The $100,000 Question: do we get a dog? For some couples, this may be an easy answer, but for others, it can be a source of conflict. After twenty years of saying “We’re never getting a dog,” well, we got a dog. In this episode, we share our story from being a no-dog family to a dog family and how it affected our marriage and family.
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Aug 8, 2023
Episode 98: That's Not In Our Budget - Part 2
Even though we came from different socio-economic backgrounds, Joe and I had similar goals for our finances. But financial pressures and tough decisions can make that difficult to achieve. In this episode, we share the biblical principles we followed to stay out of debt, live on less, and grow our marriage in the process.
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Aug 1, 2023
Episode 97: That's Not In Our Budget - Part 1
Do you and your spouse agree on how the household money should be spent? No two people agree perfectly which means money can be a huge source of conflict! In this episode, we talk about what it means to steward our money together and why we use a budget.
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Jul 26, 2023
NEW PODCAST called "Wow God Stories" - Subscribe today!
Hear the brand-new podcast called "Wow God Stories", with hosts, Lisa WIlliams and Ann Sorenson. This podcast reminds us of a God who is able, alive, and active in our lives. https://www.wowgod.com/podcasts/wow-god-stories/ Click the link, or subscribe on Apple, Google, or Spotify today.
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Jul 25, 2023
Episode 96: We Had More Money Going Out Than Coming In! (Interview w/ Larry & Hope Ware)
Our special guests today are Larry and Hope Ware, hosts of the popular YouTube Channel, Under the Median. Even though they specialize in helping families with practical frugality and getting out of debt, they also have a lot to share from their 35 years of marriage. From a rocky start to infertility to having babies “past their prime” to major financial hurdles, Larry and Hope have had to lean on God and learn to work together through it all. Join us as they share their wisdom and hear how God has provided for them in every season.
Check out Hope and Larry’s frugal resources on their website:
https://underthemedian.com/
Under the Median YouTube Channel
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Jul 18, 2023
Episode 95: Why Is It Always Your Past? (ICYMI #5)
Trauma does have far-reaching effects on how we think, feel, and
behave. But is the trauma we have experienced the only lens we look through? In this episode, Joe and I discuss the difficult task of discerning between the effects of trauma and our own sinful hearts.
To connect with us on social media:
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Jul 11, 2023
Episode 94: Whatcha Listening To?
Happy Summer! Instead of bringing you a new episode of our podcast, we want to share with you some of the podcasts we’re listening to! If you’re looking for other podcasts to binge on, these are a great start!
The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Joe Buchanan)
The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Joe and Tara Buchanan)
The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Scott Spiezio)
Manly with Andy (guest: Kenny Luck)
Mental Health with Dr. Melissa Mork (guest: Tia)
I Love that Song! with Keith Stevens (guest: Danny Gokey)
A Widow's Heart with Pam Lundell (guest: Susan Spalding)
Learn more at WowGod.com!
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Jul 4, 2023
Episode 93: You Are My Number One (ICYMI #26)
In this episode, we sit down with Chad and Katie Mattson to hear the stories behind their smiles. You may be familiar with Chad Mattson as the lead singer of the band, Unspoken. Their early years of marriage were filled with the stress of life on the road,
poverty, and uncertainty, as Chad threw his all into his music. As things began to stabilize, Katie began suffering with debilitating anxiety. This eventually led them to a breaking point where
they were forced to re-evaluate priorities and make some tough decisions. Their faith in God and love for each other through it all will inspire and encourage you!
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Jun 27, 2023
Episode 92: Can I Have Your Attention, Please (Without Your Phone)?
In recent times, smartphones have become the one thing that
consumes most of our attention. Almost everything and every person can be brushed aside when we hear any type of “ding” coming from our phones. How do we give our spouse our
undivided attention with all the distractions that these devices bring? It can feel like an impossible task. This week we talk about how not to let our screens and devices pull us away from our husband or wife.
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Jun 20, 2023
Episode 91: Can I Have Your Attention, Please?
Attention is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person due to the fact that it is such a limited resource. We all only have 24 hours in a day, and we all only have so much mental energy to share with another person. So many other people and things can demand our attention that it can leave our husband or wife feeling lonely. In this week’s episode, we talk about how to steward our attention.
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Jun 13, 2023
Episode 90: You're Such A Good Dad!
Did you have a “good dad”? Are you, or your husband, a good dad? Joe and I have vastly different experiences with our own fathers but we can agree on the characteristics of what makes a good dad. In this episode, we talk about the positive and negative influences our fathers have on us.
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Jun 6, 2023
Episode 89: Will You Wait For Me?
Do you enjoy waiting? God often works the most when we are in the “waiting rooms” of life. In this episode, Joe and I share what we learned about waiting during our five-year courtship.
To connect with us on social media:
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May 30, 2023
Episode 88: How Do You Love? Part 2
Many of the patterns we have in our relationships have their start in our childhoods. In the book "How We Love", Milan and Kay Yerkovich write about how our differing “love styles” cause conflict in our marriages. In the second part of this series, we talk about how we have used the How We Love principles to understand each other better and strengthen our marriage.
How We Love book
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May 23, 2023
Episode 87: How Do You Love? Part 1
How do you love? According to Milan and Kay Yerkovich, much of how we love began in our childhood. The patterns we learn from our parents affect our ability to form healthy attachments as adults. In this episode, we talk about the core principles in the Yerkoviches’ book, "How We Love", and share how they have played out in our marriage.
How We Love book
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May 16, 2023
Episode 86: You Make Me Laugh!
How often do you and your spouse laugh together? In this episode, we talk about laughing AND we share stories from you about how your spouse makes you laugh!
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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May 9, 2023
Episode 85: How Do I Support You As A Mother?
Ladies, do you want to receive a Mother’s Day gift from your husband? Even though we are not their mothers, we do need their encouragement! In this episode, we talk about one of the best gifts you can give the mother of your children: unwavering dedication to your family. We share six principles that Joe has practiced in supporting Tara as a mother.
M - Model Respect
O - Offer Resources
T - Talk about the kids
H - How can I help?
E - Encourage her
R - Radical Involvement
To connect with us on social media:
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May 3, 2023
Episode 84: Can We Just Skip Mother's Day? Part 2 (ICYMI #30)
Mother’s Day can trigger different feelings for both of us. For Joe, he doesn’t like the reminder of what he lost as a child while I love to be celebrated for the role I have played in our children’s lives. In this episode, we talk about how Joe’s struggle with Mother’s Day has impacted our marriage and how we love each other through it.
To connect with us on social media:
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May 2, 2023
Episode 83: Can We Just Skip Mother's Day? Part 1 (ICYMI #29)
Is Mother’s Day a “loaded” holiday for you or your spouse? Does it bring up emotions and memories you’d rather not deal with? In this episode, Joe shares openly about the scars he still carries from an abusive mother and how he has found healing in Christ.
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Apr 25, 2023
Episode 82: I Need Some Space!
Almost every relationship has a moment where either person asks for “space”. Joe and I have been there and our marriage suffered the most when there was a lack of emotional space. That was hard to learn because it involved laying down self to serve another, and being truly willing to surrender my husband to God rather than insisting I hold the reins all the time. In this episode, we talk about the need for space and what healthy space-giving looks like.
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Apr 18, 2023
Episode 81: What Did You Say About Me?
What do you say about your spouse when they are not around? Do those things we say affect our marriage? In this episode, we share about the power of speaking positively about each other.
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Apr 11, 2023
Episode 80: Let Me Cry
Do your emotions ever come out through tears? Do you feel awkward and helpless when your spouse cries? Crying is a very human way of expressing feelings and we don’t have to fear our tears. In this episode, we share about when we cry and how to love each other when emotions are raw.
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Apr 4, 2023
Episode 79: Want Some Good News?
Do you ever feel like the world is only filled with bad news? The season of Easter and celebrating Jesus’ resurrection is a great reminder that we have the best news we’ll ever need. In this episode, we are sharing good news for you and your marriage!
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Mar 28, 2023
Episode 78: Are You Flirting With Me?
We often think of flirting as something we do as part of the dating process. But flirting with each other doesn’t have to end just because we’re married. In this episode, we share how to grow romance and connection by being more flirtatious with your
spouse.
More Info on the DESIRE conference for Higher-Drive Wives:
https://hotholyhumorous.com/product/desire-con-2023/ref/TaraB
To connect with us on social media:
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Mar 21, 2023
Episode 77: You've Walked Me Through Fires (Interview w/ Jordan and Heather St. Cyr)
We are so excited to let you listen in on the conversation we had with Jordan and Heather St. Cyr. You may recognize Jordan as the voice behind the songs, “Fires”, “Weary Traveler”, and “No Matter What”. Jordan and Heather share their love story as well as how God worked in their lives and marriage after the birth of a medically fragile child. Your faith will be strengthened as you hear what it’s like when God walks through the fires with you.
You can check out Jordan's music here: https://www.jordanstcyr.com
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Mar 14, 2023
Episode 76: We're On The Same Team
Do you ever feel that me vs. you thinking seep into your marriage? Who will win, who will lose, who is right, and who is wrong? Even though we do have differing opinions and preferences, we need to remember that God put us on the same team. We’re using our different strengths to head in the same direction. In this episode, we talk about what working as a team looks like in our marriage.
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Mar 8, 2023
Episode 75: Will You Forgive Me? Part 2 (ICYMI #23)
If we don’t address the hurts in our marriage, they can pile up, create resentment, and block our connection. Forgiving each other isn’t just something we have to do once or twice, but a continual posture in choosing not to seek revenge. In this episode, we share how humility and honesty help us create a culture of forgiveness in our marriage.
This is a re-cast of Episode 23.
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Mar 7, 2023
Episode 74: Will You Forgive Me? Part 1 (ICYMI #22)
We believe that forgiving those who have hurt us is a key ingredient to healing from our past wounds. When we follow God in forgiving others as He has forgiven us, we find true freedom! In this week’s episode, we talk about what forgiveness is, why we forgive, and how Joe found healing in forgiving his abusers.
This is a re-cast of Episode 22
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Feb 28, 2023
Episode 73: You Did That For You
How do you feel when your spouse does something for you, but you suspect it’s really for them? How do we know if we truly are doing something for others or just for ourselves? In this episode, we talk about examining our own motivations in how we love our spouse.
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Feb 21, 2023
Episode 72: You Did That For Me?
Sometimes we walk into our marriages and relationships with a “what have you done for me lately” attitude. But in God’s kingdom, it’s upside down and the greatest is the one who serves. In this episode, we discuss the whys of serving each other and some practical ways we incorporate serving into our daily relationship.
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Feb 14, 2023
Episode 71: Do You Want to Dance With Me?
Do you like to dance? Dancing with your spouse is a great way to grow your communication and intimacy as well as get some exercise! In this episode, we share how dancing together has added romance and laughter to our marriage.
Dancing Instruction Website: https://showheroff.com/
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Feb 7, 2023
Episode 70: I Think We're Alone Now
When we first get married we love and crave being alone! But as we add children to our family, events to our calendar, and grow in our hospitality, it can become increasingly difficult to find times that we are truly alone. Our relationship can suffer and become more shallow without that time when it is just us. In this episode, we talk about the role of being alone in growing intimacy.
To connect with us on Social Media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Jan 31, 2023
Episode 69: I Didn't Know That About You
When’s the last time you discovered something you didn’t know about your spouse? One way to keep our relationships from feeling stale is to learn something new about each other. In this episode, we’re sharing parts of our story that you might not have known before.
To connect with us on Social Media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Jan 24, 2023
Episode 68: I Don't Want to Fail
Do you ever feel like a failure? Facing our own failures is one of the hardest things God asks us to do as individuals. But that fear of failure also affects our marriages and close relationships. In this episode, Joe and I talk about how failure and the fear of failure have affected our marriage.
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Jan 17, 2023
Episode 67: When I Was a Child
So much of our experiences in our childhood follow us into adulthood. In this episode, we talk about Joe’s experience of neglect as a child and how that has negatively affected him. We also share the role that child sponsorship plays in helping other vulnerable children avoid those negative outcomes.
Learn more about OneChild and become a Child Sponsor!
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Jan 10, 2023
Episode 66: If Anyone Found Out, Our Lives Would Implode (Interview w/ Buzz & Elisabeth Klein)
This week we want to introduce you to our new friends, Elisabeth Klein and her husband, Buzz. They share the difficult parts of their story with wisdom and grace, a story that includes living in an abusive marriage, separation, and divorce. Their transparency is refreshing as they share the challenges from their first marriages, in their courtship and remarriage, and in blending families. Hear how they moved from brokenness to healing and how God brought them together for a second chance.
Elisabeth is an author and speaker at Elisabeth Klein. If you are currently in or are healing from an abusive marriage, or if you are struggling after divorce, she has so many resources to remind you that you are not alone and there is hope.
A Few of Elisabeth’s Resources:
All That to Say Podcast
Are you separated or divorced or a single mom?
* Elisabeth’s book, Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage
* Lies We Tell Ourselves webcast
* 3-month e-course, Ma…
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Jan 3, 2023
Episode 65: Can We Just Let It Go?
Asking your spouse, “Can we just let it go?” rarely ends a conversation peacefully. Many of our arguments have been about when and how to end a tense conversation. He wants to let it go, I’m nowhere near ready to let it go. In this episode, we share how we have learned to “let go” of that phrase in our marriage.
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Dec 27, 2022
Episode 64: It's Time to Shut the Tractor Off (ICYMI #20)
In this week’s episode, we talk with Pastor Cal and Susan Rychener, an amazing couple who have been married and in pastoral ministry for over 40 years. From the time they met at a small Bible college in Indiana to founding one of the largest churches in Peoria, IL, and now moving into their golden years, they have learned what surrender to God looks like in every season. Their love story shows how when we understand our own brokenness and find freedom in Christ from our past wounds, our marriages can flourish. (This is a re-cast from Episode 20)
Content warning: infant loss
https://puredesire.org | https://northwoods.church
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Dec 20, 2022
Episode 63: Merry Christmas!
Stopping in to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas! We hope you and your family are enjoying a joyous and hope-filled Christmas season. We also share about another great podcast that you’ll want to listen to this season, In Fulfillment.
Listen to In Fulfillment on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
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Dec 13, 2022
Episode 62: God is With Us
One of our favorite words that we hear in the Christmas season is Emmanuel.... Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. In this mini-episode, we talk about the significance of the hymn, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" as we celebrate Emmanuel, God With Us.
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Dec 6, 2022
Episode 61: Why Don't You Like Christmas? (ICYMI)
From the outside, Joe “enjoys” the holidays but I know inside it’s a much bigger struggle trying not to let the pain and sadness overwhelm him. It’s like a huge magnifying glass — this spotlight on everything he missed out on that it’s like he can’t even relate to it all.
It can feel complicated. Trying to honor God in this season, hoping to give our children great holiday memories, yet also acknowledging the deep losses in my husband’s life. It’s not always easy to figure out and it’s hard to even talk about. Sometimes our best way to celebrate Christ’s birth is just to bring him that brokenness.
This episode is a re-cast of Episode 9.
Read our blog post here.
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Nov 29, 2022
Episode 60: What Do You (Really) Want?
During the holiday season, we often hear the question, what do you want for Christmas? What is it that we really want, in our lives, or in our marriages? Are we wanting the right things? And what happens when we don’t get what we want? In this episode, we talk about what it is we really want and how to rightly order our desires.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp
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Nov 22, 2022
Episode 59: I Don't Want To Be Late!
One common source of marital contention is when one spouse is more interested in being on time than the other. This simple difference can end up adding more tension to already stressful days. In this episode, we share about growing love and unity even when we’re running late!
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Nov 15, 2022
Episode 58: How Do I Get Him To...
We all have things about our spouse that we want to change or improve. But sometimes those desires can turn into a desire to control, and when that doesn’t work we turn to manipulation. In this episode, we’re talking about how to affect change through our influence instead of manipulation.
To connect with us on social media:
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Nov 8, 2022
Episode 57: Let Me Check With My Wife
We all have a lot going on and it’s easy to lose track of each other on a practical level. Checking with our spouses is not just about communicating better, but caring for each other. In this episode, we talk about showing consideration for each other through communication and shared decision-making.
To connect with us on social media:
Facebook
Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Nov 1, 2022
Episode 56: I'm Not in the Mood
Sexual intimacy requires a vulnerability and giving of ourselves like nothing else that we share in our marriage. Then throw in previous trauma, marital disconnection, and the demands of modern life, and it’s not surprising that we’re not always “in the mood.” In this episode, we talk about how we overcome our obstacles to sexual intimacy.
Content note: Although we do discuss the effects of trauma on sexual intimacy, there are no explicit descriptions of abuse or sexual activities.
More resources:
Tara speaks about being a "higher drive wife" at the DESIRE conference for women
J at Hot, Holy, and Humorous
The Body Keeps the Score
To connect with us on social media:
Facebook
Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 25, 2022
Episode 55: You're My Best Friend
Friendship is one of God’s greatest blessings when we’re willing to love others as we love ourselves. And although we can claim thousands of friends thanks to social media, real friendships are still hard to find. In this episode, we talk about the value of growing real friendship in and out of our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
Facebook
Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 18, 2022
Episode 54: I Can't Work With You! (One Year Podcast Anniversary)
We’re celebrating one year of podcasting! In honor of our podcast-aversary, we’re taking you behind the scenes of Behind Our Smiles. It was not easy learning to work together- we usually have different opinions about how things should be done and when. In this anniversary episode, we talk about the challenges and benefits of working together as a married couple.
To connect with us on social media:
Facebook
Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 11, 2022
Episode 53: You Are Amazing!
We all have a desire to be noticed and admired. Don’t we all want to be amazing? In our marriage, we can be our spouse’s #1 fan and remind them of all the ways they are amazing. In this episode, Joe and I talk about the power of admiration.
* “I’m proud of you.”
* “I’m attracted to you.”
* “I’m impressed by you.”
* “I like you.”
* “I’m proud of the way you _____.”
* “I’m attracted to your _____ (inside and out).”
* “I am impressed that you _____.”
* “I like how you _____.”
To connect with us on social media:
Facebook
Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Oct 4, 2022
Episode 52: Say That Again?
In this episode, we’re talking about some of our favorite episodes from our first year of podcasting. Whether you are new to our podcast or a regular listener, we hope you enjoy this quick look back on some of the lessons that have most impacted our marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
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Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Sep 27, 2022
Episode 51: It Could Be Fun, Though!
So much of life requires us to trust God, especially when things look a bit crazy. Adventure is always a mix of fun with a little risk mixed in. In this episode, we talk about those faith-building situations we have walked through and the power of a positive attitude in the face of uncertainty.
Studio C's "An Unfortunate Fortune" skit
To connect with us on social media:
Facebook
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Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Sep 20, 2022
Episode 50: She Stopped Throwing Shoes at Me! (Interview w/Tim and Lynette Kosloskus)
We are so excited to introduce you to a very special couple in our lives: Tara’s parents, Tim and Lynette Kosloskus! They have been married for almost 54 years and have so much godly wisdom to share. We’ve talked about their influence in our lives in previous episodes but now you get to hear from them and see why we love them so much. They share their early love story, Tim’s struggle with alcohol, and how starting a relationship with Jesus completely changed the trajectory of their marriage.
To connect with us on social media:
Facebook
Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Sep 13, 2022
Episode 49: What Do You Need From Me?
We all have needs, and God has given us the ability to meet needs as well. But when we don’t know what those needs are, we lose the opportunity to build love and trust into our relationships. In this episode, we talk about communicating and meeting needs in marriage.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
KEEP YOUR LOVE ON Book
To connect with us on Social Media:
Facebook
Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Sep 6, 2022
Episode 48: What Do You Want to Watch?
Sitting on the couch and watching TV is a super popular and easy way to spend time with your spouse. But screens can prevent us from spending quality time together, and we can easily waste valuable time just surfing Netflix if we’re not careful! In this episode, we talk about how we use TV time to grow our connection and how to honor God in what we watch.
To connect with us on Social Media:
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Instagram
Or at behindoursmiles.com
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Aug 30, 2022
Episode 47: I Don't Want to Talk About My Day
One common way to grow communication with your spouse is to “talk about your day." But what if one spouse is not particularly interested in talking about their day right when they walk in the door? Do we have to talk about our day? In this episode, we talk about how to “talk about our day” in a way that respects both spouses’ needs.
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Aug 23, 2022
Episode 46: I Still Have So Much to Learn
No matter how long we have been married, there is always more to learn about each other. It’s like we’re always in school! Every day is an opportunity for God to teach us how to love better if we’re willing to learn. In this episode, we talk about becoming a student of your spouse.
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Aug 16, 2022
Episode 45: I Have It Harder Than You
We all carry burdens and in marriage, we each have unique struggles. The problem is when we fall into the trap of comparing our loads and wanting to be the one who has it harder. In this episode, we talk about the difference between empathy and sympathy and how it affects our ability to love.
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Aug 9, 2022
Episode 44: That Must Have Been Hard For You
Does your spouse understand the hardships you have been through and how it has affected you? Joe and I have both often failed in understanding the ways we each have suffered. In this episode, we talk about the role of empathy in growing true intimacy.
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Aug 2, 2022
Episode 43: God, I Trust You With the List (Interview w/Mark and Jill Savage)
In this episode, we are going behind the smiles of authors/speakers, Mark and Jill Savage. After 28 years of marriage, they experienced one of the hardest challenges a marriage can face: infidelity. Mark and Jill share some of the slow fades and the spiritual and emotional battles that preceded the near death of their marriage. Most importantly, they share how they found restoration and healing as they let God transform them into “Mark and Jill 2.0”
Jill is the host of the No More Perfect Podcast and the author of twelve books including Real Moms...Real Jesus and No More Perfect Moms. Together Mark and Jill have authored two books, Living With Less So Your Family Has More and No More Perfect Marriages. You can find out more at markandjill.org.
And a great opportunity to enrich your marriage!
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Jul 26, 2022
Episode 42: How Did You Get So Good Lookin'?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and how we think about our husband or wife affects how attractive they are to us. In this episode, we share the habits and attitudes that help us to grow our physical attraction to each other.
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Jul 19, 2022
Episode 41: You're Doing It the Wrong Way!
Do you know the right way to do something? Is your way better than your spouse’s? But what if your spouse thinks his way is better? In this episode we try to figure out whose way is the “right” way and where humility fits into that question.
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Jul 12, 2022
Episode 40: Do You Appreciate Me?
We’ve all been taught to say please and thank you. But how often do we say thank you to our spouses? Don’t they already know I appreciate them? In this episode we talk about the value of showing appreciation to your spouse.
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Jul 5, 2022
Episode 39: I'm Feeling Triggered
Whether you have experienced trauma or not, it’s common to “feel triggered.” In our marriage, we have had to learn to understand Joe’s triggers from the abuse he experienced as a child. In this episode, we share how God has helped us to name and mitigate the triggers we both experience.
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Jun 28, 2022
Episode 38: Turn Off the Fan
Do you have Fan Wars in your house? One person who prefers the fan be on, and the other one who needs it to be off? In this episode, we laugh about our dilemma with the fan and how we work through our differing preferences.
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Jun 21, 2022
Episode 37: I Love Your Mom More Than You
In honor of Father’s Day, we are talking about one key characteristic of a good father: loving their children’s mother well. In this episode, we share why it’s important to prioritize your marriage above your children and how that has helped us build a strong family. https://www.wcicfm.org/a-higher-priority/
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Jun 14, 2022
Episode 36: How Did We Get to 25 Years?
Happy 25th Anniversary to us!! As we celebrate 25 years of marriage, Joe and I reflect on our wedding day and what we’ve learned about marriage through the eyes of our four children.
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Jun 7, 2022
Episode 35: We Always Work It Out
As we approach our 25th anniversary, we can look back and remember the times when we wanted to give up. When our conflicts seemed unresolvable. But as we trusted God, and leaned into each other, we learned to reconcile in a God-honoring way. In this episode, we share about the power of perseverance in marriage and what it looks like to “work it out.”
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May 31, 2022
Episode 34: I Don't Need Their Prayers (Interview w/ Brian & Carole Pucel)
We are so excited for you to meet our friends Brian and Carole Pucel. When they married in 1982, everything seemed to be bliss until Brian began to follow Jesus, much to Carole’s dismay. Brian’s new-found faith almost destroyed their marriage, until Carole slowly became curious about what had caused this change in her husband. Years later, another crisis hit when anger and pride almost destroyed their marriage. You’ll love hearing how God redeemed their marriage even when things seemed hopeless!
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May 24, 2022
Episode 33: We Need Some Margin!
Do you ever get in a season when busyness takes over and there’s no breathing room in your schedule? Often when that happens, our marriages are the first to suffer. We’re more impatient, show less grace, and become disconnected from each other. In this episode, Joe and I share how protecting the margin in our lives has grown our marriage and sexual intimacy.
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May 17, 2022
Episode 32: Are You Listening to Me?
With our habit of multitasking, truly listening is a skill that we must continually work on. Listening to each other is one of the most selfless things we can do and grows our connection in massive ways. In this episode, we share our struggles with learning to listen well.
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May 10, 2022
Episode 31: Where Do You Want to Eat?
Do you ever struggle with the question that plagues modern marriages: where do you want to eat? This episode we laugh at ourselves a bit as we try to get closer to an answer to that simple question, and show love to each other in the process.
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May 3, 2022
Episode 30: Can We Just Skip Mother's Day? - Part 2
Mother’s Day can trigger different feelings for both of us. For Joe, he doesn’t like the reminder of what he lost as a child while I love to be celebrated for the role I have played in our children’s lives. In this episode, we talk about how Joe’s struggle with Mother’s Day has impacted our marriage and how we love each other through it.
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Apr 26, 2022
Episode 29: Can We Just Skip Mother's Day? - Part 1
Is Mother’s Day a “loaded” holiday for you or your spouse? Does it bring up emotions and memories you’d rather not deal with? In this episode, Joe shares openly about the scars he still carries from an abusive mother and how he has found healing in Christ.
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Apr 19, 2022
Episode 28: Kiss Me Goodbye
Our modern busy lives often include plenty of comings and goings. In this episode, we share how our hello and goodbye rituals grow our connection and help us to show honor to each other. Read more here: https://www.wcicfm.org/you-had-me-at-hello/
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Apr 12, 2022
Episode 27: You're Not My Savior
As we celebrate the Resurrection, we are reminded of the greatest Love that the world has ever been given. Jesus, who walked this earth, and showed us what truth, humility, and love looked like. Then He chose to become the ultimate sacrifice, so that we could live. Our desire is that we can reflect this kind of love to our spouse. But we also need to recognize the ways that we cannot be Jesus to each other. When we ask our spouse to give us the things only Jesus can give, we will end up disconnected from our spouse and from the real Savior.
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Apr 5, 2022
Episode 26: You're My Number One (Interview w/ Chad & Katie Mattson)
In this episode, we sit down with Chad and Katie Mattson to hear the stories behind their smiles. You may be familiar with Chad Mattson as the lead singer of the band, Unspoken. Their early years of marriage were filled with the stress of life on the road, poverty, and uncertainty, as Chad threw his all into his music. As things began to stabilize, Katie began suffering with debilitating anxiety. This eventually led them to a breaking point where they were forced to re-evaluate priorities and make some tough decisions. Their faith in God and love for each other through it all will inspire and encourage you!
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Mar 29, 2022
Episode 25: We're Getting Older
As each year goes by, we’re reminded that time only goes faster. We look up and realize we’re getting older, and hopefully wiser. But just because we’re older doesn’t mean God is done with us. We can look back at what He’s done and look to what He has for our future. In this episode, we celebrate the joys of growing older together, even when we still have more growing to do!
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Mar 22, 2022
Episode 24: I Need a Hug
Do you ever just need a hug from your spouse? Physical affection is a great way to grow your connection and communicate God’s love to each other. Although in our marriage, with Joe having experienced child abuse, it felt complicated and could trigger unwelcome feelings. We had to learn to approach physical affection with sensitivity and understanding.
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Mar 15, 2022
Episode 23: Will You Forgive Me? - Part 2
If we don’t address the hurts in our marriage, they can pile up, create resentment, and block our connection. Forgiving each other isn’t just something we have to do once or twice, but a continual posture in choosing not to seek revenge. In this week’s episode, we share how humility and honesty help us create a culture of forgiveness in our marriage.
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Mar 8, 2022
Episode 22: Will You Forgive Me? - Part 1
We believe that forgiving those who have hurt us is a key ingredient to healing from our past wounds. When we follow God in forgiving others as He has forgiven us, we find true freedom! In this week’s episode, we talk about what forgiveness is, why we forgive, and how Joe found healing in forgiving his abusers.
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Mar 1, 2022
Episode 21: You May Be Right
There’s a temporary satisfaction in being right and especially in proving to your spouse that you are in the right. But in the long run, insisting on being right only brings destruction and disconnection. In this week’s episode, we talk about how to grow in humility within your marriage.
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Feb 22, 2022
Episode 20: It's Time to Shut the Tractor Off (Interview w/ Pastor Cal & Susan Rychener)
In this week’s episode, we talk with Pastor Cal and Susan Rychener, an amazing couple who have been married and in pastoral ministry for over 40 years. From the time they met at a small Bible college in Indiana to founding one of the largest churches in Peoria, IL, and now moving into the golden years, they have learned what surrender to God looks like in every season. Their love story shows how when we understand our own brokenness and find freedom in Christ from our past wounds, our marriages can flourish. Content warning: infant loss https://puredesire.org https://northwoods.church
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Feb 15, 2022
Episode 19: You're Such a Safety Freak!
Anyone else married to a safety freak? In this week’s episode, we share how Joe’s desire to control every element of our safety caused tension in our early relationship. And we throw in some of Joe’s best tips for keeping your family and home safe! https://www.wcicfm.org/are-you-also-a-safety-freak/
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Feb 8, 2022
Episode 18: Surprise Me!
Valentine’s Day brings up so many images of love and romance, many of which may feel unrealistic. In this week’s episode, we discuss the key ingredients to keeping true romance and intimacy alive within your marriage.
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Feb 1, 2022
Episode 17: Do You Want To Go Out With Me?
Valentine's Day isn’t the only time to plan a romantic date with your spouse! In this episode, we share the challenges and benefits of dating as a married couple. And we discuss some creative date ideas from the book, 52 Uncommon Dates.
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Jan 25, 2022
Episode 16: Give Me Some Emoji!!
Joe tends to be simple and to the point, whereas I like my emoji, exclamation points, and lots of words. In this episode, we share how to love each other well even when our many differences make it hard to feel connected.
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Jan 18, 2022
Episode 15: Ready or Not, Here I Come - Part 2
In Part 2 of Ready or Not Here I Come, we share the story of how Joe’s house of cards fell and our marriage found healing. After a period of depression and facing his childhood wounds, Joe began to see his story in new ways. It took being real and vulnerable with God about the pain he carried that gave him have a greater capacity to love. The game of hide and seek was coming to an end.
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Jan 11, 2022
Episode 14: Ready or Not, Here I Come - Part 1
In this episode, Joe and I share one of the biggest challenges we faced in the early years of our marriage. The pain from Joe’s past wasn’t going to go away magically because we married, and it affected the very thing we both wanted out of marriage: intimacy. We couldn’t play hide and seek forever.
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Jan 4, 2022
Episode 13: Can We Press the Reset Button?
Do you enjoy the “Reset” feature on your devices when they're acting up? Joe and I like to use our own Reset Button when a conversation needs a do-over. In this episode, we share how the reset button allows us to put our pride away and offer grace in tense conversations.
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Dec 28, 2021
Episode 12: How Could This Be Good? with Adam & Christina Hannan
In this episode, we sit down with Adam and Christina Hannan as they share the stories behind their smiles. Only 6 years into marriage, with three little kids, they were faced with a life-changing diagnosis of their fourth child, Myles, on the day he was born. After a twenty-month fight to survive, baby Myles passed into the arms of Jesus, leaving Adam and Christina heartbroken but not hopeless. They share how their pursuit of Jesus at every step kept their marriage strong while healing from this devastating loss. For the resources mentioned in this episode, please click here: https://www.wcicfm.org/behind-our-smiles-podcast-episode-12-how-could-this-be-good-with-adam-and-christina-hannan
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Dec 21, 2021
Episode 11: Things Will Slow Down Next Week
Things may or may not slow down next week, or next month, or even next year. So we have to learn to manage our stress in a way that doesn’t damage our marriage. In this episode, Joe and I share how to pursue connection and love each other well through the crazy seasons. https://www.wcicfm.org/when-stress-pulls-at-your-marriage/
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Dec 14, 2021
Episode 10: What's Wrong with You?
Do you or your spouse have any habits that you find highly annoying? Often those conversations can do more damage than actually solve the original problem. In this episode, we discuss how to attack a problem without de-valuing each other.
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Dec 7, 2021
Episode 9: Why Don't You Like Christmas?
Do difficult experiences in your past make it hard for you to truly enjoy the Christmas season? Or maybe you’re struggling this Christmas but don’t want to bring down the ones you love. In this episode, Joe and I share our different feelings around the holidays and how it impacts our marriage. Read our blog post here: https://www.wcicfm.org/why-is-christmas-complicated/
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Nov 30, 2021
Episode 8: What Do You Want For Christmas?
Finding the perfect gift for your spouse can be tough, so in this episode, we’re here to help. Joe and I share about gift-giving, failed expectations, and some of our favorite gifts we’ve given each other. And we have some fun adding our personal opinions on some popular gift ideas for spouses.
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Nov 23, 2021
Episode 7: What Am I Not Seeing?
Everyone has blind spots in their lives that only others can see. In this episode, we share about how we are learning to help each other when we’re struggling with figurative and literal blind spots.
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Nov 16, 2021
Episode 6: Are You Mad at Me?
Has your spouse ever asked you if you’re mad at them? In our marriage, it either makes things worse or sweeps the issue under the rug! In this episode, we share some better ways to figure out the mystery of the “mad."
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Nov 9, 2021
Episode 5: Why is it Always Your Past?
Trauma does have far-reaching effects on how we think, feel, and behave. But is the trauma we have experienced the only lens we look through? In this episode, Joe and I discuss the difficult task of discerning between the effects of trauma and our own sinful hearts. NOTE: the Samaritan Ministries promotion mentioned in this episode is not available. Please accept our sincerest apologies for any confusion this may have caused.
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Nov 2, 2021
Episode 4: Are We Okay?
Do you ever feel disconnected from your spouse? That you’re just not as close as you once were? If you don’t address what is causing the disconnection, the distance will only grow in your marriage. Fight for connection! NOTE: the Samaritan Ministries promotion mentioned in this episode is not available. Please accept our sincerest apologies for any confusion this may have caused.
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Oct 26, 2021
Episode 3: Give Me A Win!
Who wants to be married to a loser? In this episode, we talk about the power of finding a way for you both to be winners in a disagreement.
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Oct 19, 2021
Episode 2: That Won't Work
Growing intimacy and connection in your marriage is impossible if all we do is shut each other down. Joe and I fall in that trap when we stay in the mindset of, “That won’t work”! In this episode we share a better phrase to use that will build your marriage instead of tearing it down.
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Oct 14, 2021
Episode 1: Welcome
“Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite." In our first episode, we want to share why we started this podcast, and how we first met and fell in love. I might have been too young, and Joe might have had too much baggage to really make it work. But by pursuing God and each other, we were able to see God work miracles in our love story.
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