EP 273: Feel Comfortable in Your Own Skin with Ron
This call is about overcoming apathy and releasing anger. Today’s caller, Ron, was constantly shamed by a volatile father. As an adult, he feels detached and numb. He uses apathy as a coping mechanism. We work through how he can release his feelings and do inner child work. I offer some techniques and strategies to help him regain a healthy masculine identity.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode273]
When men have a volatile father, they become passive or hyper-aggressive. They go to extremes. They can become the alpha-dog and lash out or they become passive with emotional eating. It is a common father wound for men to have a degree of shame that goes in either direction.
Shame is toxic and the way it impacts us all as humans is similar and different. How it impacts men is particularly detrimental, for women as well, but I've seen it impact men in a way where they lose touch with their masculine energy and become more passive in life.
It is nearly impossible to come out of being raised in a fear-based home, having a volatile parent, and never feeling like you got the love, affection, and approval you needed and grow up having no issues with it. As you might intellectually want yourself to be different, until you go back and do the healing work and dive deep, you are going to find yourself in the pantry sneak eating or whatever your version of that is.
If you are not living the life you want to be living, it is just feedback that there is more work to do. Inner child wounding is sometimes tough to get at because we bury it so deep. There is no shame and being willing to forgive the person is the first step.
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* Do you ever feel uncomfortable in your own skin?
* Are you chronologically an adult and keep up with your grown-up responsibilities, but inside you don’t feel like one?
* Are you mostly passive except for those occasional moments you lose your temper?
* Did you get the love, attention, and affection you truly need and deserve from your parents, especially your father?
Ron does not feel comfortable in his skin and he feels he does not belong. He would like guidance on how to break through the patterns.
Ron’s Key Insights and Ahas:
* He practices negative self-talk.
* He doesn’t feel like an adult, even though he is responsible.
* He is afraid he will get in trouble for what he does.
* He hides his eating habits.
* His father was quick to anger and volatile.
* He feels detached from his family.
* He has numbed himself and feels apathy toward his parents.
* He craves feeling and pleasure.
* He does try to get his anger out.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
* Connect to his aggression, rage, and anger to get to the hurt.
* Do the Temper Tantrum Technique from Expectation Hangover.
* Write an ‘F-U’ letter to his parents he doesn’t send.
* Tap into his masculine energy to find his fire, his warrior to allow him to feel again.
* Find his inner coach voice, not his inner critic.
* If you aren't feeling like an adult, think about where you got frozen in childhood. Many people freeze at a certain age even though we can do adult things.
* Do emotional processing. Use this free anger release download, ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.
* If you find yourself sneak eating or the kind of behavior you do in the shadows to soothe yourself or give you momentary pleasure and escapism when you feel the urge to do it, put your hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and ask your little one what they need.
* If eating is a coping mechanism for you, listen to my “Coaches Corner with Samantha Skelly, Hungry for Happiness”
* Reconnect to your little one and give them a chance to express their feelings. Be the parent to yourself you never had.
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