I had a friend who worked evenings. She was gorgeous and kind-hearted. She always wore the most beautiful outfits.
We were both pregnant at the same time. She was having a boy and so was I, so we bonded over our growing bellies and swollen ankles.
We also had something else in common:
Our husbands were both addicted to cocaine.
And because she worked nights, he would throw wild parties while she was working and I know this because my husband often attended those wild parties.
After our boys were born, we would meet on the playground every Monday. She would be looking all wonderful with her clean clothing and clean hair and I would look like a hot mess with baby food on my sweatshirt who had not slept all night.
(I’m sharing this with you because sometimes the shiny, pretty people are the ones we most admire, but they need love and acceptance just as much as we do.)
Every time we were on the playground, she would complain that after working late she would come home to find it trashed.
The house was littered with cups, garbage, and bottles. She would even find strangers passed out on the couch.
For three hours she would do nothing but clean - wash the floors, pick up trash, and do the dishes.
When her husband woke up after his binge, the home smelled and looked brand new. He had no reminder of the hurtful choices he made the night before. He could always rely on his wife to clean up his messes and erase his past.
If you are like my friend and clean up all the time, your partner will never get the severity of the situation.The more you try to rescue your partner, the longer it will take for them to get sober.
Yes, it’s easier for you to clean up after them, but you are prolonging the disease.
Doing the dirty work is not going to make your partner love you more.
Saving your loved one is not going to help get him or her sober.
I know you’ve been trying to help. You’re helping because you love your partner.
But now you know to leave the messes for them to clean up.
You can do this! I am right here beside you reminding you – even in the worst of times – you’re not alone. I know how you feel. Put your healing first by joining one of our programs and see how much different your life will be.