In this community, we give you a lot of tools to help you feel happiness and joy whether your partner gets sober or not. We don’t believe the common theory that says we’re powerless over this disease. There are many things we can do that will take our power of choice and confidence back from the awful disease that steals it.
We don’t just throw our hands up in the air and say, "Oh, well. I just have to sit around and wait for my partner to get sober to start to feel better." That’s not true for us. We are strong, courageous women who will stand up to this disease. We will not let it rob us of the good life we are meant to have.We will not just sit back and be subservient.
Does this newfound courage come off as anger? No. Let’s not mistake courage for anger. Our strength is dignified. We will stand our ground and stand up to this disease and we will do so with more respect than anger.
Our words will be intentional and strong. We will say what we mean and follow through. Even when we are afraid and doubt starts telling us we're doing it wrong - we will press on.
And make no mistake, my loves, when we take back our power over this disease, there will be a struggle for control. Addiction does not want to lose. It will fight to keep controlling the one you love and you.Because you are a woman on a mission to save herself (and perhaps her children) and nothing can mess with a mother and her babies.
He might tell you it was mean when you left him at the party because of his embarrassing behavior after too many drinks or drug use. But it’s not mean. It was the right thing to do. That’s just this disease trying to make you feel guilty. Don’t fall for it.
When you refuse to sleep with them after they’ve been drinking or using drugs, they might tell you it makes them feel like you don’t love them. Remain strong and let them know when they are consistently sober, loving, and respectful, you would love to share a bed.And make no mistake about it, my sweet sister… the stronger you get - the less they like it.
They might throw a temper tantrum. They might belittle you. They might guilt trip you. But don’t change your ways.
When you try to make powerful changes - this disease gets scared. Because you are threatening its future. Addiction is used to controlling the person you love and you. And when one person has the courage to say enough - it will do anything to get you back under its thumb. Don't fall for it. You're stronger than that.
And you don’t need to announce that you’ll be changing your ways. Your new strong and courageous choices will let them know. Besides... how many times have you threatened to change or to leave but not followed through? They probably won’t believe you anyways. Don’t worry about giving them a heads up or explaining yourself. Just start changing and they will catch on.
Keep moving forward. Practice making healthy choices. You can do it! I’m 100% behind you. Cheering you on every step of the way.
P.S. Join us at one of our work at your own pace programs and become a member of our secret Facebook group where the doors always open to talk about these major life changes.