horizontal with lila
Lila Donnolo
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Horizontal with Lila is the podcast of intimate conversations about sex, love, and relationships that's entirely recorded while lying down. Many of the episodes are recorded in bed at Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Others are recorded while horizontal elsewhere.
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Oct 6, 2022
Positively Sex! with Lila {an iHeart Podcast Trailer!}
SUBSCRIBE to the new "POSITIVELY SEX! WITH LILA" podcast on APPLE PODCASTS
(or wherever you like to get your podcasts)
& never miss an episode!
Get ready for a 46 episode season of Sex Ed, with Pleasure!
Host Lila, Intimacy Specialist & founding member of the premier sex-positive intentional community in New York, explores intimacy of all kinds in this sex-positive talk show on timely, titillating, tender, & taboo topics.
Her guests are pro-Dommes, therapists, kink masters, sex coaches, non-monogamous people, & folx on the street with opinions.
Positively Sex! celebrates intimacy & our ability to design our own relationships.
PS! talks about all those sex things you want to know, but might be hesitant to ask.
PS! lays it all out for you.
PS! is sex ed, with pleasure.
Darling, that is Positively Sex!
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Sep 3, 2021
129. Introducing “Positively Sex!” Sex Ed, with Pleasure
Hello horizontal lover.
This is horizontal with lila, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down. Usually, the first part of our conversation is available wherever you listen to podcasts, and the last part is available exclusively to my patrons on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.
Navigate yourself on over to Patreon for 50+ exclusive horizontal episodes!
Season 4, however, is my Season of Experiments. The experiment of this episode... introduces you to my brand-new live show, Positively Sex! Sex Ed, with Pleasure.
Clubhouse pioneered a new form of media: interactive social audio. It’s like a podcast you can participate in...
I joined the app in late February and promptly became deeply infatuated. Really. Full-on limerence. NRE: New Relationship Energy.
I hardly slept! I barely ate! I talked about it to anyone who would listen! I fell asleep at wee morning hours in Clubhouse rooms, the phone half under the pillow next to me. It was, if you will, horizontal with clubhouse.
It began by ‘raising my hand.’
Then Alec Murphy began making me a co-moderator, and passing me the mic to offer intimacy advice & sexual education.
I started saying, “Just a sex ed moment here!”
As I moved from infatuation to bonding, I met other beloved favourites, like De’Andre Sinette & Shane Cottle & my Clubhouse wife Annie Block & my Clubhouse mistress Dani & Brittany Michalchuk & Angus McColluch & & & & … I became a regular in Angus’s club MATE. I found communities of people who shouted my name with joy when I entered a virtual room.
These relationships feel tender and warm and deep, playful and tasty and delightful. And real. I haven’t met these people in person (yet). But I know their voices. And I can feel them. They are a real part of my real life.
Clubhouse is the app of the zeitgeist.
We are the most connected, and the loneliest we have ever been. Facebook Image Crafting & comparing and despairing on Instagram has most of us feeling so much less intimate. There is something unbelievably wholesome and grounding and genuine about dialing our digital connection to its very first form: a phone call — with the addition of a few bells & whistles.
It’s free. It’s global. It’s live. And it’s just, voice.
I think that’s marvelous.
I starting co-hosting rooms, like:
“Ask Men Anything” with Alec.
“The Sex-Positive Room” with De’Andre.
And then I opened rooms of my own:
Ladies of the Sex House (with my former housemates from the Villa)
I Just Found My Poetry Stash (which I actually did, from 10 years ago, when I was doing a page a day writing practice, and there is some glorious stuff in there!)
Then I formed my own club: The Sex-Positive Club, and began gathering about me wise, compassionate co-mod to carve out a space for sex-positivity.
My second week on the app, I happened upon the last few minutes of Abraxas Higgins’s “Apply to the Creator First Program” room. He was doing his very last reset — giving the information about the room for the last time before closing it. I snagged that link & stayed up 'til 4am working on the application, very horizontal, laptop resting on my thighs. At 4am, I fell asleep under my computer. At 7am, I woke and kept working. That was the due date. I submitted around 1pm.
I was chosen as a finalist.
There were 5,000 entries. 53 finalists each made a pilot episode (this episode), and 25 shows were chosen as the inaugural Creator First Class of 2021… and mine, mine was one of them.
YESSSSSSSSSSS.
This is basically the first time I’ve won something in 20 years.
Positively Sex! Sex Ed, with Pleasure airs a new live episode every Sunday night through September at 9pm EST / 6pm Pacific.
Catch it live, or become a patron of the horizontal arts on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila (that’s P-a-t-r-E-o-n.com / horizontalwithlila) for exclusive patron access to the entire 12-episode season.
Prepare for SENSUAL CONTESTS…
Like "Best Sext”
DELECTABLE PRIZES…
Like a deck of “Let’s Talk About Sex” cards from Games for Humanity’s Erin Hickok aka The Connectress. (By the way, all of her fabulous question card games are 10% off with the discount code: HORIZONTALITY, in all caps.)
FUN & SPICY AUDIENCE POLLS…
Sexted lately? Got a Clubhouse crush?
TENDER, TABOO, & TIMELY TOPICS…
Such as the pilot theme, the theme of this episode: Sex @ a Distance, which included:
* noods
* sexting
* aural sex (phone sex, er0tic hypnosis, described video p0rn)
* video sex & sex on video
* virtual play parties
& BRILLIANT THOUGHT LEADERS.
This pilot episode features special guest Cindy Gallop, one of the most brilliant extemporaneous speakers I've ever heard. The Michael Bay of business (because she blows shit up!) creator and CEO of Make Love Not Porn introduced us to the concept of social sex.
We were joined by a few of my former housemates from Hacienda Villa, the sex-positive intentional community I used to live in, as a founding member:
Mirelle, polyamorous woman, purveyor of sensuality, & horizontal’s very first guest, of episode number 1. feed your delight, which is my most downloaded episode of all time, treated us to her unerring taste for pleasure & a voice that positively drips with sex.
Tiger, former Villan & former lady, him of many trades, Trans & gynecological educator and horizontal guest of episodes 16. kiss me I’m jew-witch, and 17. professional cuddling, gave us a taste of erotic hypnosis that left us with our mouths agape.
Theia made us all aware that described video porn is a thing, Shane brought his soulful sensuality, Fiona tallied our very important polls, & my Creative Producer & Social Media Maven Natalia Sketch helped me sjuzz the episode, then sat behind me in the tiniest focus room at the co-working space, calling the show & managing the backchannel.
The episode begins with my working definition of sex & concludes with showering at a virtual play party.
Join my club on Clubhouse so you don’t miss an episode.
I have always been a Creator First, and now, finally, again, I am being recognized as such.
And DAMN it feels good.
P.S. Which is, of course, a double entendre, meaning both Post Script and Positively Sex! … Welcome to social audio.
Come get positively sex with us, all across the globe, through the magic of the interwebz.
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Jun 27, 2021
128. sex parties done right: lila x that sex chick
Hello horizontal lover. Intimacy investigator. Horizontalist.
Typically, horizontal is the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down. The first part of our conversation is available wherever you listen to podcasts, and the last part is available exclusively to my patrons on Patreon.
But this: is Season 4, my Season of Experiments.
And this experiment is an installment of Alexa Martinez’s that sex chick podcast, which was, full disclosure, recorded while in bed, but (gasp!) sitting upright. For that sex chick, it’s episode 34, and for horizontal, episode 128. I’m told it’s the longest Alexa has ever gone with a guest, so, here’s to horizontal stamina. *wink*
In this episode, sex parties done right, I share the orientation I lead at my last play party — which is a Facebook-safe euphemism for a sex party — in its entirety.
Alexa’s super-connected sex-positive crew of curious kittens, a collective on Facebook called That Sex Group, have been really curious about these parties. Both of us have found it’s what a lot of people want to know about when they find out it’s a) something we’ve got a fair amount of experience with, and b) something we’re willing to talk about publicly.
So here! We made you an episode.
This contains the lion’s share of wisdom I’ve gathered about play parties during my 7 years in the sex-positive community. What can happen at a play party, how you prepare for it, how to communicate with your partner or partners about it, some points of etiquette, and some of my personal tales of play parties past.
I first met Alexa at a Future of Sex panel, curated by the podcast host and sextech expert, Bryony Cole, who was my guest for episodes 28. future of sex, and 29. sexual attitude readjustment day. This was also the very same event at which I met Bryan Stacy (who was on said panel) & Dominick Q., champions of men’s work and co-hosts of The Great Man Within podcast, who were also my guests for a Season Threesome on episodes 76. the discerning dick, and 77. post-sex choice. (In Season Three, I got horizontal with two guests at a time, who were in some kind of relationship with one another. Hence: the season threesome!)
Recently, I guested on The Great Man Within, and we did a deepdive into The Stoplight Game. It’s episode #220, titled, “How To Ask For What You Want in the Bedroom.”
This to say that… in the not-so-distant future, when I have Alexa on my podcast AT LAST, we will all have been guests on each other’s shows, and isn’t that a particularly pretty podcaster-polycule?
Yes. Yes I think it is.
Alexa is my kindred. She approaches sex, love, & relationships with the same kind of voracious curiosity I do, tickled through with playfulness. She was one of the first to encourage me to set up shop as an Intimacy Coach, and now, three years later, I finally have. She sometimes has purple hair and is always up for a frolic and a photo opportunity and a deep conversation. You can hear her smiling when she talks, and the way she shares her vulnerable relationship realizations with the world are both an affirmation and an inspiration to me. I love her. I hope you will too.
Come get figuratively horizontal with us, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia, and Austin, Texas.
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Apr 10, 2021
126. you spilled your hot come on my hot girlfriend: horizontal with the king of cuckolding [1 of 2]
Hello my horizontal lovers, my intimacy investigators, my horizontalists!
horizontal is the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down (and usually, while wearing robes).
With few exceptions, our conversations are languorous, meandering, and long-form, as though post-coital, or stargazing, or staring out onto the open road in the wee hours of a very long road trip. It’s a private conversation made public. It’s consensual eavesdropping.
Typically on horizontal, each conversation is between 3 and 5 hours long, and divided into two to four parts. The former half is available to all horizontalists, and the latter, is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. During this season, I’m investigating form and format, length and structure, context and content. Playing aurally. Trying things I haven’t tried yet. Thus far, Season 4 has seen a mash-up with Devin Person’s “this podcast is a ritual” show, episodes with more-or-less intrusive narration (you decide), and a session with a matchmaker in which I get interviewed, as the client.
you spilled your hot come on my hot girlfriend, this episode, is from my very first recording spotlighting a single sexy topic!
In episodes 126 & 127, I lie down with Dallas King, L.A. native, global hedonist, director, filmmaker, hot professor, model, and profoundly experienced bull. He is writing the book on cuckolding. Literally. That’s what he’s in Bali to do.
It’s called GASM.
For images featuring such highlights as Dallas’s rippling abs, brooding fashion sense, and graphic tattoos, witness his Instagram @dallasking1
In this first half of our recording, we talk about:
* craigslist personals
* what cuckolding means
* “the lifestyle” versus sex-positive culture
* working as a massage therapist in L.A. & becoming a bull
* his first time pleasing another man’s wife & being watched while doing it
* grappling with professional, mental, and religious inhibitions
* homophobia & sexual performance
* how being a bull can affect your romantic relationships
* humiliation & emasculation
* agreeing on where to come
* navigating couple dynamics
* dealing with your own expectations
* cuckqueens, and …
* my desire to be a female bull.
For access to the spicy second half of this conversation, as well as 50 other exclusive episodes, navigate yourself directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Make sure you click the link or type that in exactly, because, as a creator who is considered “adult,” my profile isn’t searchable on Patreon. (!)
Other than that, Patreon is great. It’s like the love child of crowdfunding and a subscription service. You can become a patron for $7/month on up, and the rewards get more and more sumptuous. For instance, at the $100 level, you get a 30-minute one-on-one Intimacy Guidance session with me every month...
This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury of IGrecording.com. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, from 99designs. This intro music is a remix by acapella beatbox musician kidmental, whose motto is “theme songs for everyone.” Support a Black creator, and get a catchy jingle of your very own by hiring him on Fiverr or becoming his patron on Patreon.
Upcoming in Season 4, I have a recording from my guest spot on Dominick Q & Bryan Stacey’s “The Great Man Within” podcast, a couple of episodes with the journalist Sue Jaye Johnson, in which she interviewed me for her project “The Pleasure Report,” a 5-part mini-series with Jet-Setting Jasmine, who you must know — a badass Black therapist & porn star, and her incredible Dom husband, and a daughter that gives me hope for the future of humanity, as well as shows with segments, a la NPR, among other explorations.
Until next time: May you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.
I’m looking forward to scripting and rehearsing my first TED-style talk, and the event I curated around it to celebrate the 4-year podcast-aversary on May 21st, 2021! It’s gonna be called “Hot Love Talks.”
Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.
Now, come lie down with us, in Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia.
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Mar 13, 2021
125. like a vagina wrapped around a pole: quickie with a bisexual femme poet ladyboss
Hello my horizontal lovers, my intimacy investigators, my horizontalists! horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down, and usually, while wearing robes.
If you’ve listened to either one of my ‘between two wizard’ episodes, 85. well-hung psychedelic sex wizard / no hookups or 86. you’re trying to porn sex me, or my most magical recent horizontal mashup episodes, 123. this ritual is horizontal, or 124. this horizontal is a ritual, you’ve become acquainted with my Wizard friend, Devin Person.
During both of our horizontal recordings (one in-person, in his former wizard bed in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and the other virtual, mediated by the magic of the interwebz, between Louisville, Kentucky, and Canggu, Bali, Indonesia) a remarkable fact about his relationship surfaced: he and his partner (now fiancé) don’t text. Ever. It’s one of their cherished relationship agreements, a social norm within the co-creation of their dyad. They just don’t text. If they want to communicate with one another, they need to actually pick up the phone, and dial their partner.
Well, that fiancé he doesn’t text with… is our storyteller today.
Typically on horizontal, each conversation is between 3 and 5 hours long and divided into two to four parts. The former half is available for all horizontalists everywhere, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. With few exceptions, our conversations are languorous and long-form, as though post-coital, or stargazing, or staring out onto the open road in the wee hours of a very long road trip. I consider it consensual eavesdropping.
When you become a patron you receive a key to the horizontal city, unlocking access to over 50 exclusive episodes. Become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila ... You must click on or type in that link directly, because sex-positive creators are still in quite a bind with social media these days. You can’t just go to Patreon and search my name, or the name of my show, because the search engine pretends all of its mature content doesn’t exist! I guess that makes Patreon sort of like the boyfriend who doesn’t want the world to know that we are dating, but it is the best crowdsourcing subscription service that I know at this moment. So. I take it as an indicator of just how far we still need to go to eradicate sex-negativity, stigma, shame, and taboo.
Usually, my Patreon tiers begin at $7 per month, but this month I’ve opened up ten $5 a month spots for access to The Full Horizontal. Two spot already got snagged before this announcement, so as of this recording there are 8 left. Claim one, and all the horizontality shall be yours.
At the end of each long-form recording, I ask my guest to tell me a story. It can be any tale that falls under the broad umbrella of intimacy. My only requirement is that they have a burning desire to share it with me. Because these stories usually take place in the part twos (or fours) of our recordings, most of you horizontalists never get to hear such tales as being carried down a mountain on the shoulders of a hunky guide, or donating your father’s body to science and then insisting on a connection with the medical students who studied him, or getting married every year — to the same person.
Occasionally, in pre-pandemic times, I’d host horizontal storytelling pajama parties. My launch party in May of 2017 was a pajama party! This quickie was recorded live during Pride Month in June 2019 at horizontal storytelling: the summer pride edition. We all donned rainbow pajamas, noshed on milk and cookies, and curled up together, horizontally, all 50 of us, to listen to the tales of five storytellers from across the LGBTQIA+ community, one after the other.
In this particular quickie, I lie down with Lisa Ann Markuson, also known as LAMARKS, queer cis femme bisexual woman boss, founder + CEO of creative agency Ars Poetica, (which provides, among other things, experiential poetic entertainment for events and happenings). Her woman-owned, inclusive and sustainable business model celebrates the multitalented nature of her artists across entertainment, activist, consulting, and literary landscapes.
She was the co-host, along with Taz, of the National Poetry Month podcast, A Daily Dose of Poetry. I appeared on the show as their April 18th guest, and they wrote me poetic prescriptions for what ailed me in my romantic relationship. LA and her 35 artists have written poetry for celebrities & created a series of handmade poetic talismans to benefit Planned Parenthood.
You can find her, and them, on the interwebz at @arspoetica.us on Instagram.
Come lie down with us at a pajama party in the before-time, at Hacienda Studio in Bushwick, Brooklyn, as LA tells us a tale titled, “In Fact, a Switch Hitter.”
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Feb 14, 2021
123. this ritual is horizontal: mash-up with a wizard podcast [1 of 2]
Hello horizontal lovers & ritualists,
horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down. this ritual is horizontal is part of my Season 4, the Season of Experiments.
Usually, I have a guest or two reclining next to me, sharing a pillow, but This Season in the Era of Covid, my guest is often lying down across the world from me, as Devin is here... and we have an intimate, vulnerable, long-ranging and long-form conversation that unfolds over the course of 3 - 5 hours, and gets divided into 2 - 4 episodes. Typically, the first half of our conversation is available in all the podcast places, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
In the latter part of our conversation, which will be episode 124 on horizontal, we discuss a bit of ghosting wizardry, dating reviews, self-holds, and parenting our inner child. Then I tell Devin a story about being photographed nude in a nest, and the most miserable sexy dance party, and Devin conjures a 3-point spell for alchemizing connection across distance. One way to gain access to episode 124 is to become a patron of the horizontal arts on Patreon.
Patreon is a portal to the work of the modern-day independent artist, like the love child of crowd-funding and a subscription service. A monthly contribution to my Patreon unlocks over 50 exclusive episodes, and a monthly contribution to Devin’s Patreon offers you access to magical rituals centered around numbers of, shall we say, modern-day interest — one of which I participated in. The number: was 69, and the episode is titled “How to Pleasure Yourself and Others.” Last night, I listened back to it (for the first time since the recording) and got turned on! so I highly recommend it. To become a patron, navigate directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila or Patreon.com/thispodcastisaritual
The other way is this — as a rare gift in honor of our collaboration, you can gain access to the full episode if you head over to Devin’s this podcast is a ritual feed, even if you aren’t a patron of the horizontal arts! Which means, if you are listening to this on Devin’s feed, you get the whole thing right now.
The experiment of this episode, as Devin described, is a mash-up, and this is my very first mash-up episode. When I think about mash-ups, I think of some intrepid songstress like my friend Meghan Tonjes and the way she puts two pop songs in a blender on YouTube and makes something creamily delicious — both capturing the infectious joy and the hook-iness of the original songs, and somehow also more than that, the alchemy of two entities enjoined, creating something that does not exist before they are enmeshed. In other words: Magic.
In this part of our conversation, I tell Devin the story of Hamilton & the Hondalorian, and we talk about connecting across distance, phone calls vs. video calls, charting-new-territory friends and rerun friends, the nutrients of digital communication & joy of sexting, the Seamlessification of dating, resilience, rejection, & confidence, & icing on Tinder.
This mash-up was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury of IGrecording.com. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can hire on 99designs. The remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, whose motto is “theme songs for everyone.” You can both support a Black creator, and get a theme song of your very own by supporting him on Fiverr or on Patreon.
Until next time, my horizontal ritualists, my ritual horizontalists:
May you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to assembling my camera kit with 4K video capabilities and proper studio lighting... and finally shooting my Master Class-style course on connection! If you want information on that, and future horizontal endeavors, follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram, or sign up for my email missives on horizontalwithlila.com
And now, through the Magic of the interwebz, come lie down with us in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia, Louisville, Kentucky, and wherever you find yourself horizontal.
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Dec 28, 2020
121. how to suck tits (properly): horizontal with an oversexed kinkster [1 of 2]
Hello horizontal lover.
This is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds that’s entirely recorded while lying down.
Usually, I aim to make every recording more of a long-form conversation and less of an interview, but the world is topsy-turvy, and so is Season 4, my Season of Experiments.
This episode is a traditional interview (albeit, an explicit one) mostly presented in the style of NPR. Instead of my usual horizontal conversation, in which I share as openly and vulnerably as my guest, for this episode I’ll be your narrator, guiding you through the life of an oversexed little Italian boy who grows up to be an oversexed British man, utilizing choice clips from his tales.
In this and the following episode, I lie down with Iena: vast lover of womankind, kinkster, rope aficionado, photographer, former porn producer, and sadist extraordinaire. I met him through the Shibari community in Canggu. He once suspended me from a piece of bamboo in a pose that looked kind of like a praying mantis.
The first half of our interview is available in all the podcast places for all of you horizontalists, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. So, if you want to hear Iena’s extreme tale of a bewildering sexual exploit involving a gorgeous Scandinavian woman on top, and something that he did not consent to, become a patron to listen to the second part of this interview. $7 a month gives you access to over 50 episodes not available to the general public, as well as contributing to keep horizontal independent, uncensored, and ad-free.
In this part, we traverse from:
* Iena’s 4 year-old erections through
* nudie mags in the crib
* his obsession with full bush, newsstands, and porn
* 10 years of sexual mentoring
* an abiding love of tits,
* foreplay & the orgasmic platform
* the first time in his life he felt like he was one cock short, and
* his first sexual experience, which includes a cruise, a crew, a short black bob, & some bushes
Now come lie down with us in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia.
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Dec 10, 2020
120. climaxes & denouements: quickie with lila
Hello horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds, entirely recorded while lying down.
Usually, I have a guest or sometimes two (and on one notable occasion, nine!) reclining next to me, or, This Season in the Era of Covid, my guest is sometimes lying down across the world from me ... and we have an intimate, vulnerable, long-form and far-ranging conversation that unfolds over the course of 3 - 5 hours, and gets divided into 2 - 4 episodes.
horizontal is Slow Radio. A kind of stargazing, or post-coital, or loooong road trip sort of conversation. And that’s what horizontality is to me. A relinquishing of pretense. A deepening of voice. A languor that inspires revelation. An invitation to unzip to our tenderest. It’s like consensual eavesdropping. We invite you in to lie down next to us, as we share our secrets in your ears.
Typically, the first half of our conversation is available in all the podcast places for all of you horizontalists, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. Occasionally I’ll do a quickie episode, which consists of a single intimate story, usually recorded live at one of my horizontal storytelling pajama party events.
This is Season 4, however, my Season of Experiments. In it, I intend to be playful with form and format, interspersing surprises and dancing with theme and time.
The experiment of this episode, 120 is … poetry. I hadn’t written poetry in several years, and then three months ago I went to this Open Mic here in Canggu. The upswelling of personal expression, and the prospect of being on stage again, which is a rush my body craves, so inspired me that I started writing the first of these poems during intermission! You may recognize the subject (and the love affair) of the piece titled “climaxes and denouements” from my part two with Bevin, episode _62. we can be benefits, but not friends_. The second poem, “exquisite cupboards,” was inspired by a disappointing young lover here in Bali. Does he know he’s the muse? Yes he does. I read it to him...horizontally, in bed.
They are both love poems, or, shall I say, lost-love poems.
For access to The Full Horizontal, plus monthly intimacy tips like the Fears / Boundaries / Intentions / Desires exercise, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Navigate to _www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila_ to join. You must go to that link directly, because creators considered “adult” will not show up on Patreon’s search engine! (Which lets us know just how far we have to go in creating a sex-positive world, eh?) Sigh.
If you are a non-poetry person, I hope you’ll still allow this episode to wash over you with the same receptivity as you do other horizontal installments. In fact, I’ve heard from multiple not-poetry-people (including my dear friend and guest of episodes 59 & 60, Samia) that they don’t like poetry, but they like my poetry ... which is basically how I feel about dogs, and Kristi Ann’s dog Stella. Please don’t hold this against me.
And now darlings, come lie down with me, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia.
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Oct 23, 2020
118. probably the slowest sex i’ve ever had: horizontal with radical self love (3 of 4)
Hello horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
You’re listening to Season 4, my Season of Experiments. During this season, I’m playing with form and format, length and structure, context and content. I’ll be including mash-ups with other podcasts, themed episodes, crossovers, and shows with segments, among other things. Unlike the first three seasons, most of Season 4 will be recorded remotely, so I’m often horizontal across the world from my guest … which is a grand experiment in itself.
This is part three of my 4-episode arc with Kelsey Grant: Love Educator, boundaries expert, writer, singer, witchy woman, & creatrix of various kinds… known on Instagram as @radicalselflove.
Usually, my horizontal recording sessions are between 3 and 5 hours long, and divided into two parts (if 3 hours) or 4 parts (if 5). The first installment — or the first two installments — are available in all the podcast places for all horizontalists, and the second half — or the latter two parts — are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. One of my experiments with Kelsey’s arc is to divvy things up a bit differently. In this case, my first and third episode with Kelsey (which are episodes 116, and this installment, 118) are available to everyone, and the second and fourth are available exclusively to patrons.
There’s also a bonus sort of grab bag stream-of-consciousness episode we recorded that I’m considering releasing in full as a bonus episode for patrons, or, also in two parts. To be determined, horizontal lovers…
For access to The Full Horizontal, which includes all the part twos (or in this case, twos and fours) going back to the beginning, become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to _patreon.com/horizontalwithlila_
Use that link precisely because creators dubbed “adult” are hidden by Patreon’s search engine. When you become a patron, I also send you a personal thank-you video (with a Happy Dance).
In part one, episode _116. planet friendship_ (my first episode that’s almost entirely about platonic intimacy) we talked about her nourishing female friend pod and 6-month vetting process, mother-wounds, getting kicked out of the house, emotional release, resisting the codependent parental undertow, & how Kelsey and her best friend heal by re-parenting each other.
In part two, episode _117. an emotionally safe connection_ (a patron-only episode), we discussed my best friend Marghe, inner circle friendship, virtual and in-person connection, the ability to hold simultaneous conflicting emotions, Harry Potter and nerding out, & the masterful, loving way Kelsey expressed her boundaries to me.
In this, part three, we deliberately got horizontal to talk about sex. We explored cervical, g-spot, and clitoral orgasms, devotional presence and the lack thereof, fantasizing about women during sex, self-reverence, Kelsey’s sexual evolution, from getting kicked out of the house to her Huntress phase to exploration with a virgin to going off the pill to kink to cervical orgasms & betrayal, to self-exploration & crystal dildos.
If you’d like one-on-one guidance from me on your intimate struggles, I now offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions: 60-minute sessions with a takeaway plan. In other words, sex-positive, judgement-free, compassionate support for what ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of all kinds.
To schedule, email _lila@horizontalwithlila.com_. If you desire ongoing support of your intimate growth, join the $100 Patreon tier on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and receive a 30-minute coaching session every month!
In next week’s patrons-only episode with Kelsey, we delve into sex that disturbs the neighbors, woundmates and heartmates, the runner & the chaser, dating with intention, the fantasy of her former relationship, overfunctioning & underfunctioning, losing sexual desire, and whether woundmate relationships can become healthy.
Until next time, may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to the Wednesday night public speaking club I’ve been attending, and getting put on the spot.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.
Now come lie down with us again, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia, and Vancouver, BC, Canada.
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Sep 30, 2020
116. planet friendship: horizontal with radical self love (1 of 4)
Hello, horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. This season marks the first time I’ve ever recorded remotely. So, many times, I’m no longer in the same bed as my guest— which is already a grand experiment in itself, as every single episode of my first three seasons was recorded in person, lying down, wearing robes, shoulder-to-shoulder, right next to my guest. As though stargazing, or post-coital, or in the deep hours of a very long road trip.
I’m always saying that I want to expand people’s notion of what intimacy is, and can be. Remaining overseas during a global pandemic has encouraged me to expand my own notion of intimacy. I used to disparage the value of virtual connection... and suddenly, that’s most of what most of us have. And we must figure out how to make it nourishing for us… or go hungry.
My mission holds steady: To make the world a more intimate place. One episode, one conversation, one essay, one video, one session, one workshop, one course, one talk at a time. So here is my current pursuit: to weave the kind of empathetic cocoon that I cultivate in person, in bed, to inspire a blossoming conversation full of raw, revealing, vulnerable, genuine intimacies, with someone who is horizontal literally across the world.
In this, and the following three episodes, I lie down with the delicious Kelsey Grant, known on Instagram as @radicalselflove. She is my new friend. And I feel very proud to say so. Apropos of this season’s overarching intimacy-across-distance motif, we have not yet met in person. I look forward to the day when I can put my arms around Kelsey and squeeze. Kelsey is a Love Educator, an incisive writer, a boundaries expert, a singer and creatrix of various mediums, and a powerfully tender woman. She has a generous laugh, and her wisdom is free of bullshit. She’s in it, she doesn’t pretend to be otherwise, and that’s what makes her a whole, human, and a great leader. I have much to learn from her, and I imagine you will, too.
Half of our episodes will be available in all the podcast places for all horizontalists, and the other episodes will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
You can become a patron right this instant for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
When you become a patron, I send you a personal thank-you video (with a Happy Dance).
If you seek guidance for your intimate struggles, I offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions: 60-minutes of judgement-free, sex-positive guidance… with a takeaway plan (your roadmap)! What ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of all kinds? To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com and I’ll send you a fun form to fill out (well, I think it’s fun; I made it) so I can best prepare for you. One of my happy clients said, “I’ve had a lot of therapy. But you give advice a therapist cannot give.” Bam!
Here, in my first experiment with Kelsey, we scrap the structure, and instead of starting at the very beginning (a very good place to start), as a classic horizontal episode does, we start from the very right now (also a very good place to start) with the question, “What is alive in you?” And that is how this episode came to be all about nourishing female friendship, envy, & backstabbing, the 6-month inner circle vetting process, mother-wounds, getting kicked out of the house as a teenager, emotional release & worrying about the neighbors, swamping, resisting the codependent parental undertow, & how Kelsey and her best friend heal by re-parenting each other.
This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury of IGrecording.com. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. The remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, an acapella beatbox musician, and a Black creator you can support right now on Fiverr or Patreon.
In next week’s exclusive, patrons-only episode, we talk about my best friend, the defining factor of a tier one inner circle friendship, virtual and in-person connection, the ability to hold simultaneous conflicting emotions, nerding out, my weekly Covid-era ritual of Escapist Animated Movie Night, & how Kelsey’s ability to express loving boundaries with me, marks the beginning of a beautiful friendship. To gain access to the next episode (and all the other part twos, or threes and fours going back to the beginning), navigate to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and become a patron of the horizontal arts!
Now come lie down with us, in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia, and Vancouver, BC, Canada.
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Sep 9, 2020
113. other people’s love: horizontal with a global matchmaker (2 of 4)
Hello my horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. I’ll be playing with form in all sorts of ways: with coaching sessions and mash-ups and crossovers, happenings and themes and advice sessions, horizontality in unexpected places, and other intimate surprises.
In the first four episodes of this season, I (virtually) lie down with Lemarc Thomas, global matchmaker, relationship expert, sweetheart, psychology-versed purveyor of kindness, native St. Helenian, marriage equality advocate, husband to Michael, and, as he has been dubbed by The Telegraph, “the gentle but determined Cupid.”
Our first two episodes are available in all the podcast places for all my horizontalists. Parts three and four will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
Become a patron for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlil…
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Sep 2, 2020
112. broken a few hearts: horizontal with a global matchmaker (1 of 4)
Hello my horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
This is the kickoff of Season 4, my Season of Experiments. I’ll be playing with form in all sorts of ways: with coaching sessions and mash-ups and crossovers, happenings and themes and advice sessions, horizontality in unexpected places, and other intimate surprises.
In all my visions for Season 4, I never considered recording virtually as one of the experiments, let alone the central experiment. But the world changed.
I never wanted to record virtually. I was, in fact, entirely adamant about recording in person, right next to my guest, sharing a pillow, shoulder-to-shoulder, wearing robes. That’s how it went. I felt the vibe depended on it. The depth. The felt intimacy translated from our proximal bodies, through the magic of the recorded sound waves, and into you. I thought the only way you would truly feel as if you were lying down next to us was if…
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Jul 29, 2020
111. Black men can’t drive: quickie with an actor / writer / singer / director / educator
Hello horizontal lovers. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds that’s recorded while lying down, wearing robes.
A typical recording is long and languorous, and lasts between three and five hours. When I release it, I divide it into two parts (if we recorded for three hours) and four parts (if we recorded for five). The first half of the conversation is available in all the podcast places, and the second is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
For access to The Full Horizontal, and to be a part of eradicating shame, diminishing loneliness, & alchemizing human connection, become a $7+ patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
At the end of each longform conversation, I ask my guest to tell me a story, and the story marks the conclusion of our patron episode together. It can be any personal story that falls under the broad umbrella of intimacy — sex, love, or relationships of an…
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Jul 1, 2020
109. love who you love: horizontal with indonesia’s openly LGBTQ+ singer-songwriter [1 of 2]
Hello horizontal lovers.
horizontal is consensual eavesdropping on conversations about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down, wearing robes.
In this and the following episode, I lie down with Kai Mata, Indonesia’s rainbow-toting, openly LGBTQ+ singer-songwriter. She is a thoughtful rock star, an articulate activist, a love advocate, an outspoken woman with a bamboo guitar living a love life of liberation in a country that expects its women to be neither outspoken nor liberated. I love her. And her meter-long hair.
Kai wears maroon and black almost exclusively, right down to her motorbike helmet. She displays or wears a rainbow flag at every single show, at every single gig, and she will continue to do so until all of her people are free to love who they love.
She battles internet trolls, social media harassment, hate messages, homophobia, discrimination, and erasure by her culture of origin on a daily basis. She is publicly out in a country that persecutes its LGBTQ+ c…
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Jun 16, 2020
108. listening about race: horizontalism with lila
In this episode, I lie down with myself.
I share:
* the WOC Podcasters solidarity statement
* my personal commitment to ongoing anti-racist action
* the names of a few of the many Black lives lost to police brutality, and:
* the story of that time I didn't talk about race (for 11 years) and how that is a textbook example of white fragility and privilege
***
I stand with my sisters from the WOC Podcasters Community, lead by Danielle Desir and crafted by change-maker Tangia Renee [TAN-gee]. These are Tangee’s words. These are our words:
We are podcasters united to condemn the tragic murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and many many others at the hands of police. This is a continuation of the systemic racism pervasive in our country since its inception and we are committed to standing against racism in all its forms.
We believe that to be silent is to be complicit.
We believe that Black lives matter.
We believe that Black lives are more important than property.
We bel…
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Apr 23, 2020
105. mom-ogomish: horizontal with expat parents (2 of 4)
Hello horizontal lovers.
horizontal with lila is Slow Radio.
Consensual eavesdropping.
Intimate talks about intimate topics recorded while lying down right next to each other, wearing robes.
This is part two of my four-episode arc with Eri Kardos Patel and Jaymin Patel, recorded in February 2020.
Eri & Jay are world travelers, long-time digital nomads, co-parents of two young children, and American expats in Bali. Eri is the author of the book Relationship Agreements, Jaymin the creator of The Integrated Father.
In part one, episode 104. good kids gone wild, Jay and I told our origin stories, and Eri began hers.
Jaymin’s story involved a strict Indian family, sisters and aunties aplenty, bi-cultural identity, being a model Hindu and a very very very good boy, doing right by his parents, musical theatre, people-pleaser recovery, embracing his weird, Adlerian psych, and positive discipline.
Eri’s involved 3 siblings, constant uprootings, dance, 5 or 6 baptisms, being a very v…
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Apr 13, 2020
104. good kids gone wild: horizontal with expat parents (1 of 4)
Hello horizontal lovers.
horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
Welcome in, and welcome back! It’s been a few months since my last episode — This winter, I got mired in a boggy swamp of depression, stared at the ceiling for a while, binge-watched a lot of dystopian TV, and then journeyed to Bali, Indonesia, to get my juju back.
It’s back!
And... I suppose I live in Bali (for) now!
I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.
It’s a whole new world out there. And yet. I am more than ever convinced that we need to make private conversations public. I am more than ever convinced that interdependence is the word of the century. I am more than ever convinced that intimacy is the way.
Connection is my wheelhouse. And so, I renew my vows: to dispel shame, combat loneliness, and alchemize human connection.
Most of us are treading water. We might…
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Dec 17, 2019
103. her name was elizaida: quickie with a (polyamorous pansexual) kinky Latinx woman
Usually, our conversation is long and languorous, and lasts between three and five hours. When I release it, I divide it into two parts (if we recorded for three hours) and four parts (if we recorded for five). The first half of the conversation is available in all the podcast places, and the second is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
You can become a patron for access to The Full Horizontal by signing up on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
At the end of each conversation, I ask my guest to tell me a story, and the story marks the conclusion of our final episode together. It can be any personal story that falls under the broad umbrella of intimacy — sex, love, or relationships of any kind. In episode 102. you can’t have dibs on a person, Dennis’s story was about how he met his biological father. In episode 97. let me show you what I can offer, Leidy’s was about the best sex of her entire life. I’ve had stories of being carried down a mountaintop, watc…
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Nov 19, 2019
100. the narcissist tried: horizontal with nine (guests, friends, & lovers)
This is THE 100TH EPISODE OF horizontal!!!
Naturally, this one is a bit different than the others. In celebration, I am releasing a never-before-heard experimental episode, recorded on May 21st, 2019 — the 2 year anniversary of horizontal.
In every other episode, I lie down with one or two people at a time. In this special, I lie down with 9!
I gathered as many previous horizontal guests, patrons, and supporters as I could, and asked my boyfriend at the time to join us. We recorded at Hacienda Studio, the event space of Hacienda Villa, my intentional community. We had three beds and three microphones. None of us were sure how it would go. What would come up when the 9 of us tried to have one conversation?
In this episode, I lie down with:
Kristi Ann, spectacular dancer and movement artist, and my friend who, behind the scenes, has quietly helped me choose between the titles for my episodes.
Mirelle, horizontal’s very first guest! Resident of the Villa, my housemate and frien…
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Nov 12, 2019
99. indiana jones is my father: horizontal with chosen family (2 of 4)
horizontal is Slow Radio about intimacies of all kinds. I think of it as consensual eavesdropping — we’re lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
In this, the second episode of a four-part series with those who consider themselves chosen brother and sister, I lie down with Jillian Richardson, creator of The Joy List and author of Unlonely Planet & her housemate Dennis E. Sarkozy, Lifestyle Designer and co-lead of Personal Development Nerds.
Each horizontal conversation is typically between 3 and 5 hours long. When it’s 3 hours long, it gets divided into two parts: part one is available to everyone in all the podcast places, and part two is available exclusively to my patrons. When the conversation goes for most of the night, like this one did, it gets divided into four parts: parts one and two are available to everyone, and parts three and four are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
In part one of this conversation, episode 98. withheld…
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Nov 5, 2019
98. withhelds and unsaids: horizontal with chosen family (1 of 4)
I love snuggling, sleepovers, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. So I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and made you this podcast. Horizontal is Slow Radio. We’re lying down (usually late at night) wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears. It’s like consensual eavesdropping.
During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time. This is Season 3. Season 3 is mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests in some kind of relationship with one another. The relationships we’ve explored so far are manager/client, play party co-hosts, men’s group leaders, primary poly partners, monogamous married (soul)mates, and a couple of Wizard friends.
Typically, each horizontal conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.
This horizontal conversation took place over the course of five…
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Oct 15, 2019
95. body heat: horizontal with monogamous lovers (2 of 4)
horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down. It’s Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Because I love sleepovers, spooning, secrets, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, I’ve metaphically rolled them up in audio form and made you this.
Each recording is typically between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons. This conversation, however, was recorded over the course of nearly five hours. And so I’ve divided it into four parts — the first two: episodes 94 & 95 are available to everyone, and the next two, episodes 96 & 97, will be available only to patrons of the horizontal arts.
So when you get to the end of this episode, and your mouth is hanging open in a bit of a gasp, and you simply must hear the rest of Leidy’s epic romance (and I do not use the word “epic” lightly), you can sign up on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila f…
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Oct 8, 2019
94. i want to make love to my soulmate: horizontal with monogamous lovers (1 of 4)
I love sleepovers, and spooning, secrets, sex, storytelling, and stargazing. I’ve metaphorically rolled these things up in audio form and made you this podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but in Season 3, I intend to record as many threesomes as possible: myself plus two guests, who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Usually, each recording is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.
But this conversation, just like the one with Tiana & Orion, which comprises episodes 78 - 81, was recorded over the course of five hours. It was fueled by a vat of watermelon and several, several pee breaks. I’ll be dividing this c…
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Sep 24, 2019
93. keep fucking / infinite love party: quickie with the [boundless artist] behind {my lingerie play}
This is a podcast about intimate relationships of all kinds. It's Slow Radio, consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down, sharing secrets, in your ears.
Each full-length recording is between 3 and 5 hours long, divided into two episodes. Part one: available in all the podcast places. Part two: available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. And at the very end of the part twos, I ask my guest to tell me a story...
Occasionally, I release a quickie episode. A quickie is just the story (or in this case, stories, as she was feeling inspired).
This particular quickie episode was recorded live at my horizontal storytelling pajama party of February 2018.
In this quickie, I lie down with Diana Oh. Diana Oh is a Force.
An instigator, an activist, an actress, a musician, a singer, a creator of myriad kinds. She is an Interpreter, and also, a Maker - a sensual, gutsy, and glorious queer theatre-maker, happening-curator, and music-creator. Since Diana uses both she and they pron…
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Aug 30, 2019
91. loving bravely: horizontal with your marriage 101 professor (1 of 2)
horizontal is Slow Radio about intimacies of all kinds. It is entirely recorded while reclining. I think of it as consensual eavesdropping— we’re lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
In this episode, I lie down with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: clinical psychologist, author of books, Northwestern University Professor, and creator of the internationally-renowned undergrad course “Marriage 101,” which I wish was taught to every incoming freshman in college (and ideally, every outgoing senior in high school) and really, to every adult everywhere who didn’t take that class— across the world.
I read about the course a few years back, long before I met Alexandra in person, in an article in The Atlantic, titled “The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates.” In Marriage 101, she guides students, through both book-learning and experiential means, towards relational self-awareness, guiding them through an understanding of attraction, conflict, sex,…
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Aug 9, 2019
89. death, sex, & skirts: horizontal with the co-hosts of skirt club (1 of 2)
Season 3 mostly consists of threesomes, and in this episode I lie down with the founder — as well as the New York City host — of Skirt Club, a private women’s club for the curious kind.
Skirt Club is also the name of their sex party, an event designed exclusively for women to explore their bicuriosity. Many of these women are primarily in romantic and sexual relationships with men. Just as I was, when I attended the Rocker Chic-themed edition of Skirt Club a couple of months ago in a mansion-like loft in New York’s Financial District.
If your bunny ears perked immediately, darling, you can apply to be a member at skirtclub.co.uk
Genevieve LeJeune created the Skirt Club enterprise (they currently have parties all over Europe and the U.S.) to give women a space to explore their sexuality, without men present. She felt her bisexuality was being exploited for her boyfriend’s amusement, and wanted a space away from the male gaze, curated specifically for female empowerment, fr…
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Jul 26, 2019
87. poly by nature: horizontal with an evolutionary psychologist (1 of 2)
In this episode, I lie down with Geoffrey Miller, PhD: evolutionary psychology professor, author of books, out polyamorist, lifelong investigator of human nature.
I met Geoffrey at a dinner party hosted by a Blue Man and curated by an adventuresome scholar of the brain— expressly for the purpose of discussing the future of intimacy. The sex scientist Dr. Zhana was there, our mutual friend and my horizontal guest of episodes 4 & 5. She and the brain scholar invited Geoffrey. In fact, the dinner party was scheduled around his visit to New York.
And then, I knew why.
He would listen and listen, and then say something so incisive, so crystalline-clear, backed by conscientious research and immersion in the topic of human sexuality. He spoke quietly and with a gravitas reserved for someone who has studied their studies and lectured their lectures and doesn’t need to prove any of it to you.
He was also a bit rakish in the way that my first-ever lover was. They have the same je ne sais…
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Jul 12, 2019
85. well-hung psychedelic sex wizard / no hookups: between two wizards (1 of 2)
Season 3 mostly consists of threesomes. Whereas in Season 1 and 2, I was lying down with a single guest at time, many of my Season 3 episodes will have me lying down with two people at a time — in this case, between two wizards.
These humans are in some kind of relationship with one another. Thus far, I’ve had a manager and his/her trauma specialist client, co-hosts of a sexuality conversation series called the Discerning Dick, primary poly kinky romantic partners, and now, Wizard friends and esoteric collaborators.
In this episode, I lie down with Devin & Kevin. I’ve known about Devin for years. My former housemate Tiger, who you heard from in Season One, used to say, “My Wizard friend,” quite regularly in casual conversation. But it wasn’t until Lola Jean’s Kinky Carnival when we became properly acquainted and made a podcast pact. He fulfilled his part of the pact months ago.
My episode of his series This Podcast is a Ritual is called “How To Take Life Lying Down,…
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Jul 5, 2019
84. john cusack ruined a lot of things (for my generation): quickie with an actor
Usually, our conversation is long, sensual, and languorous, lasting between two and three hours, and when I release it as horizontal with lila, I divide it into two parts— the first half is available in all the podcast places, and the second is available exclusively to my patrons of the horizontal arts.
You can become a patron for access to the Full Horizontal, plus a monthly video of Intimacy Tips, and an invitation to the secret patrons group:
Become a Patron!
My part two episodes always conclude like this: At the end of each conversation, I ask my guest to tell me a story. It can be any story under the broad umbrella of intimacy — in other words, a tale that is related to sex, love, or relationships of any kind. I ask that my guest choose a story they feel deeply compelled to tell me, and trust that it will be the right one: a narrative that others need to hear.
I’ve had stories of myriad types and tones — stories about the first time ejaculating (episode 2. stuff came o…
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Jun 7, 2019
82. 200 dating profiles: horizontal with a superconnector (1 of 2)
Welcome to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down, wearing robes. I know I said that Season 3 would be threesomes all season long, but we will still have the occasional dyad, because, sometimes it just works out best that way.
In this episode, I lie down with Steve Dean. Steve Dean is a dating expert, a MmmmEGAConnector, an adventurer, a perpetual nomad, and an event SuperHost. He’s the founder of the dating industry consulting firm dateworking (which you can find on dateworking.com). He stewards workshops, dinners, coworking sessions, and massive meetups like the food-court-centered Hygge [HOO-GAH] (which means cozy in Danish).
Steve Dean intentionally dates people from all different parts of the social spectrum, including those he would never introduce to his friends, in order to understand their perspective on the world. I think he’s actually an anthropologist at heart, and dating is the Tribe he studies. He’s a quintessential particip…
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May 10, 2019
79. not gonna be the abusive guy: horizontal with a poly kinky couple (2 of 4)
Welcome back to part 2 of 4 episodes with my dear friends, primary poly partners, kinky lovers, and entrepreneurs, leaders in the poly / kink People of Color community, Tiana & Orion.
In episode 78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks, we dove into Tiana’s sexual development. We talked about natural musk, her parent’s divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana & Orion’s parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, her first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die!, how Tiana met her husband in middle school by dropping books on him, the story of their marriage, a very good tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana’s first polycule and first triad, and how her ex demolished their relationship by wiping out their accounts on payroll day. And that was just the first quarter of our conversation, and you should listen to it first.
In this episode, we discuss Orion’s…
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May 3, 2019
78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks: horizontal with a kinky poly couple (1 of 4)
My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but Season 3 will be mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Typically, each conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons. But this episode is something truly remarkable. We recorded for over five hours, and we went both broad and deep. I’ll be dividing this conversation into four parts: the first two, episodes 78 & 79, will…
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Apr 19, 2019
76. the discerning dick: horizontal with dudes who talk to dudes about sexuality
Welcome to the second threesome of Season 3!
Horizontal is still Slow Radio. It’s still consensual eavesdropping. It’s still us reclining, sharing secrets, in your ears. But while the first two seasons had me lying down as though post-coital and stargazing with only one person at a time, in Season 3 I’ll often get horizontal with two people at a time: people who are in some kind of relationship with one another. In this case, they are co-hosts, business partners, and friends.
In this episode, 76, and the following, episode 77, I lie down with Dominick Q and Bryan Stacy of The Discerning Dick, a monthly series focused on generating worthy inquiry and meaningful introspection into the forces that shape a man's sexuality, behavior and intimate relationships.
I attended the first three Discerning Dick events at The Assemblage in Manhattan, and it gave me an echo of the feeling of the day I got to be a fly on the wall during a men’s group meeting in Ashland, Oregon in 2008. Undou…
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Apr 5, 2019
74. trauma queen(s): horizontal with a manager and her/his client
Welcome to Season 3 of horizontal! This is the podcast of intimacies recorded while reclining.
It’s still Slow Radio. It’s still consensual eavesdropping. It’s still us lying down, sharing secrets, in your ears. But while the first two seasons had me lying down with only one person at a time, season three will often add another guest to my pillow.
I’ll be lying down with people who are in some kind of relationship with one another. And I intend to encompass as many types of human relationships as I can. They might be friends, family members, teammates, mentors and acolytes, business partners, lovers, exes, metamours, co-parents… You know what this means, right? That’s right: This season is going to be a Lila sandwich.
My first two guests of Season 3, Dan and Jimanekia are a manager and her client, as well as friends.
Jimanekia is a Sex Educator, Queer media consultant, Sexual Assault expert, and Trauma Specialist. She is widely-studied and deeply…
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Mar 15, 2019
72. how I met your mother: sitting relatively upright with my dad
This conversation is not like the others. It's still Slow Radio. It's still a conversation about intimacies of all kinds. But this time, to close out Season Two, this time we recorded while sitting relatively upright, because my guest, is my Dad.
We recorded about a year ago, sitting on a somewhat noisy leather couch sectional, in a house that’s perpetually under construction, because my father loves the process of things.
My father’s name is Anthony, but he’s Anthony only to the family, and Tony to his friends. He’s always been “Dad” to me. He was born in Boro Park — at the time a half-Italian, half-Orthodox neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York. It’s also where I was born. He almost became a priest, but become a child psychologist instead. I suppose he would have ministered to souls either way. As far back as I can remember, my father’s greatest love has been carpentry. The house I grew up had a garage that functioned exclusively as my dad’s woodshop. I didn’t sh…
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Mar 1, 2019
70. tiger mom: horizontal with a recovering perfectionist
My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
Each horizontal session with a guest is between 2 and 3ish hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones, like this one, are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
As you might imagine, the part twos go deep, since we’ve been marinating in conversation for over an hour. And at the very very end, my guest tells me a story of some intimacy. For access to The Full Horizontal,go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and become a patron of $5 or more per month, because...
Fair warning, horizontal lovers!
When I launch Season 3, (…
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Feb 22, 2019
69. average-sized penis: quickie with The Sex Hacker
This episode is a little different than the others. It’s a quickie.
If you’ve been listening to horizontal, you know that: at the end of every conversation with a guest, I ask them to tell me a story. Each full conversation is between two and three hours long. It gets divided into two parts and released as two episodes. Part ones are available to everyone in all the podcast places. Part twos are available exclusively to my patrons through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Sign up there for access to The Full Horizontal.
Naturally, our conversations get deeper and deeper as my guest and I drop in together. So when, at the very end of those part twos my guest tells me a tale, (except in the case of Annie Lalla, because we ran out of time!) it is a tale of intimacy of some kind. Any kind. It can be about friendships, lovers, family. It has been about being carried down a mountain on the back of a hunky guide, a literal and figurative friend death, the first time ejaculating where stuf…
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Feb 8, 2019
67. true love or bust: horizontal with a world-class relationship coach
I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
Each session with a guest is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Become a patron of $5+ per month soon, because...
When I launch Season 3, I’ll be shifting some things, revealing a couple surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you’re already in as a patron, you’ll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes at the 5 - 15 dollar level. Fair warning, lovers!
***
This Thursday night in Brooklyn, come Valentine’s with us!
Valentine's Day is in less than a week, and I would usually be fretting about what to do.
This…
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Jan 25, 2019
65. the clitoris and the culture: horizontal with wednesday martin phd
People say “do what you love.” And I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. Welcome to horizontal! It’s Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s us in your ears, sharing secrets.
If you’ve been listening, you know that each recording is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. The part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and the part two are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Right now, when you become my patron of $5 per month or more, you get access to all the part twos going forward, and going back to the beginning. Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and join in now, because...
In a month or two, some big changes are coming to the podcast and the Patreon. When I launch Season 3, those who already have access to all the episodes will be grandfathered in at the same patronage level, with…
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Jan 11, 2019
63. I love you and I beat you to it: horizontal with an actor-romantic
In this and next week’s episode, I lie down with my college friend, the actor-romantic, Triple Threat, improviser, mimic, voice-over artist, chameleon, ham, and all-around delightful, well-adjusted human, Burl Moseley.
He’s such a phenom that he recently got his own song on the musical TV show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. If I were you, just before listening to this episode, I’d go straight to YouTube and type in “Don’t be a Lawyer.” He sings, acts, and dances the bejeesus out of it, in a full-on bright-pink 90s suit with a chunky tie. I have watched it an embarrassing number of times, I have insisted that my housemates watch it, and when I arrived at Burl’s apartment to record this episode in early December, I danced around his place singing it back to him. I’m reaally into it. And if you’ve ever known a lawyer (and I’ve dated two!) I’m pretty sure you'll be into it as well.
Burl and I both went to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for Drama. He was a luminary in my fav…
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Dec 28, 2018
61. my gender is dolly parton & miss piggy: horizontal with queerfatfemme
I often say that this show is about intimate relationships of all kinds.
Not just romantic and sexual relationships, which tend to be the only ones that our society considers to be under the umbrella of “intimacy,” but also family relationships and friendships and mentorships, platonic love affairs and business partnerships, and all the rest of the meaningful relationships a human can have.
We also deepdive into the one relationship that is intrinsic to all of these, and yet not always named as such: our relationship to ourselves.
The lion’s share of this episode is about self-intimacy. How we think to ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, care for ourselves, how we mother ourselves, and how we pick ourselves up…
In this episode, recorded on my trip to Los Angeles in early December, I lie down with Bevin, aka queerfatfemme, fearless torchbearer of body-positivity and positivity in general, warrior for self-love, creator of Fat Kid Dance Party aerobics…
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Dec 14, 2018
59. I’m gonna fuck him forEVER: horizontal with a polyamorous podcaster of political proportions
Horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down. Think of it as consensual eavesdropping.
Together, we’re making private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize human connection.
Brene Brown, the world-renowned researcher/storyteller and expert on vulnerability, shame, and courage, states that shame (in a petri dish) needs 3 things to survive: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.
I envision this podcast as a douse of empathy.
In this episode, I lie down with Samia Mounts in my bed at Hacienda Villa, the sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Samia is a singer, actress, voice-over artist, creator of music, and a polyamorous podcaster of political proportions, with a voice built for stadiums and arenas. Currently based in Korea, I was fortunate enough to get horizontal with her when she was in town to sing at the…
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Nov 30, 2018
57. fear of intimacy: horizontal with the love (drive) podcaster
Horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down.
I’m really glad you’re here.
You can think of it as consensual eavesdropping.Together, we’re making private conversations public, so that we can dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize human connection.
If you’ve been horizontal for a while, you know that each conversation is about 2-3 hours long, and gets divided into two episodes, released a week apart (by popular demand). For instance, this is episode #57. Next week’s episode, #58. the love drive, will feature part two of my conversation with Shaun.
As I said in the last couple of episodes, I’m making a big shift in the way horizontal is released, and it just went into effect on Wednesday. All the part twos have now disappeared from your apps (unless you downloaded them, as I suggested! Thanks for being an early adopter!).
They are now gated, and available to patrons at $5 a month and up.
This is my first serious step toward making this work…
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Nov 16, 2018
55. touch hunger: horizontal with a professional nurturer
This week and next week’s episodes are the last ones recorded on my horizontal does america tour, which took place in October & November of 2017. Lucid Studios NYC provided a car, and I went on a solo road trip adventure, circumnavigating the U.S., covering 10,700 miles and recording with people in their homes, in their cities.
We recorded this episode in Austin, Texas, in a color-saturated cottage sanctuary filled with art and altars, called the Blue Star Temple.
In this episode, I lie down with Epiphany Jordan. Epiphany is a nurturer by trade, a professional cuddler, aka the Chief Oxytocin Provider of Karuna Sessions, described as the “rolls royce” of cuddling experiences,” a 2-on-1 deepdive immersion in mothering energy and loving touch. Her forthcoming book, Somebody Hold Me: The Single Person's Guide to Nurturing Human Touch. Keep your eye out over the next few months for its release, by going to the website somebodyhold.me
You can also find her on karunasessions.com an…
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Nov 2, 2018
53. sperm control: horizontal with a nonmonogamy consultant
Horizontal is a podcast about intimacy. It's recorded while lying down, wearing robes, sharing a single pillow. I take you into my bed (or in the case of these episodes, recorded while I was on the road across America, someone else's bed), and let your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations. The goal is to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize connection.
In this installment, I lie down with Wry of Wry Polytalks, a nonmonogamy consultant, a clear-talking, thoughtful advocate for alternative relationships and kinky stuff, an entertainer, a Dominant, a consent activist, public speaker, social justice warrior, and the host of many, many a panel.
Wry Polytalks are panel discussions with relationship experts that he moderates on a web of topics related to nonmonogamy. I got to see his showmanship in action when he hosted the Ethical Slut social at Hacienda Studio (twice!), and lead two such panels in our event space. His ring…
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Oct 26, 2018
52. permission to change your mind: quickie with a sex therapist
This episode was recorded on my horizontal does america tour in November of 2017. I took to the road in a little blue car and drove solo around the country with two intentions: to feel as free as I could possibly feel, and to lie down and record as many episodes with fascinating humans as I could manage.
In this quickie episode, recorded right before she headed in to therapize people in the morning, I lie down with the sex therapist Dr. Cat Meyer. Dr. Cat is a spritely, sensual whirligig, with big green eyes and big brown hair and a slender, bendable body. She’s a yoga teacher, a creatrix, a playful creature, a dancer of her prayers, a licensed relationship therapist, and a reiki practitioner. If you live in Beverly Hills, where Dr. Cat sees people in her private practice, she could be your sex therapist.
Cat’s own podcast, eatplaysex, which just sounds like whipped cream in podcast form, doesn’t it? explores subjects in the very same wheelhouse as this one. On her Instagram, s…
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Oct 12, 2018
50. your pussy is not a sheath: horizontal with a vagina whisperer
Welcome back to horizontal! I missed you. This is the podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down, wearing robes. It aims to make private conversations public in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize connection.
After a hiatus, during which I went to Burning Man, also known as: surviving a giant art project in the middle of the desert, and then came home and felt very sad to no longer be out adventuring slash surviving said art project in the middle of the desert, and then questioned nearly everything about my life, as is, apparently, rather typical, I’m back on schedule!
This episode marks a couple of horizontal milestones. And because I’m rewiring my nervous system for joy, I’m committed to celebrating successes of every size and volume. So… This is episode number 50! And in a bit of neat numbership, horizontal just surpassed 50,000 downloads. Thank you so much for listening, and for sharing this work with your people. Don’t stop. Keep sharing it.…
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Aug 10, 2018
48. libertine: horizontal with the doyenne of dirty stories
horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down.
In this episode, I lie down with sexual folklorist Dixie de la Tour. Dixie is the founder, curator, and host of Bawdy Storytelling, the longest-running sex storytelling series in the United States. Samia Mounts, of the “Make America Relate Again” podcast, was the first to mention Bawdy to me in the late summer of last year, and she insisted that I SIMPLY MUST attend the RISK & Bawdy collaboration show at the Bell House last September. I did. I saw. I played Bang-o.
I started courting Dixie immediately.
She is a mesmerizing storyteller. Her Southern lilt, her flagrant nonchalance and nonchalant brazenness, her heart-o-gold, her heaving bosom. She’s not just a Connector, in the Malcolm Gladwell sense of the word, she’s a Super-connector, a Mmmega-connector. Her shows get people laid (it’s happened so often that there’s even a song for that!); her shows spark romance, start relationships, and, I believe may ha…
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Jul 27, 2018
46. 12 ways to say no gracefully: horizontal with the co-founder of cuddle party
horizontal is the podcast of intimacies that’s recorded while lying down.
In this episode, I get the opposite of vertical with Marcia B., co-founder of Cuddle Party, creator of The Good Girl Recovery Program, and co-leader of weekend intensives like “Make Hot Play Happen” and “The Wanted Man,” that teach humans to have more fun, deeper connections, and hotter sex. Her co-teacher for these weekends is Midori, the renowned sex educator and doyenne of Japanese bondage.
Marcia is an educator, a writer, a wild-permission giver, a generator of joy. She's funny and warm and lovely and clear. Marcia is a boundary expert, and the set of rules that she co-created for Cuddle Party have inspired a legion of hosts, including pretty much everyone who hosts an event at Hacienda Studio — the event space housed in Hacienda Villa, the community I live in.
The Cuddle Party rules are so good, so simple and yet so profound, that I am compelled to share them here:
* Pajamas stay on the who…
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Jul 13, 2018
44. don't fuck in my room: horizontal with a (grown-up) child of poly parents
In this episode, I lie down with one of my favorite humans, Lurleen. Lurleen lives in Portland, Oregon. Well, I still think of her that way even though she recently moved to the outskirts. Let's say she's Portland adjacent.
When I first met Lurleen, I thought, "This is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in real life." And just as my envy started to kick in, she made a joke or a funny face and it was as if to say, "You don't have to do that. We can just love each other."
I had just moved to Portland in November of 2008 (an ill-advised bit of scheduling on my part) and it was grey and rainy and I didn't own a car and I was biking around without proper rain gear and I was cold and my butt got soggy and damp and that made me very, very cranky. I tried to remind myself that the universe did not owe me a car....
The tango scene was pretty much my only social life in PDX. So I bought the Comme il Faut 3 and a half inch heels, and dove in. My initial joy gave way to the shame and frust…
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Jun 29, 2018
42. nipple orgasms: horizontal with youtube’s lesbian sexpert
Welcome to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds. It’s recorded while the opposite of vertical, but you probably know that.
This episode was recorded in October, 2017, on horizontal does america, my 10,000 mile cross-country road trip and recording tour. Through a series of fortunate events which I will call “six laughable fortuities,” in honor of Milan Kundera, I wound up at the house of Dr. Lindsey Doe in Missoula, Montana. And Stevie was there. (Go back and listen to the intro of episode 40: sexplanations, for the full story.) Stevie, like Dr. Doe, is a huge ginormous YouTube star, but they both somehow agreed to put on robes, lie down with a stranger and record a spontaneous podcast.
Stevie Boebi is the creator and host of the first Lesbian Sex Ed video series. She’s also a cat mom. (They make special guest appearances in her videos, including one in which she slightly annoys them for our amusement.)
Stevie... is gorgeous. She has long purple hair. And lusc…
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Jun 15, 2018
40. sexplanations: horizontal with the sex ed teacher you never had
Horizontal is the podcast about intimacy that’s recorded while lying down. Wearing robes.
This episode was recorded on my horizontal does america tour, in October 2017. For two months, I circumnavigated the U.S. in a little blue Honda Civic. It was 10,000 solo miles of adventure with two intentions. 1) to feel free, and 2) to record with as many fascinating people as possible.
I knew that I wanted to go to Montana. I’d missed the entire state on my first cross-country road trip, in 2009. A friend said, “Go to Missoula!” By the grace of my friends, go I. So. I went.
How I came to be horizontal with Dr. Lindsey Doe goes like this: I drove the 6 hours from Billings to Missoula and arrived in a pile of yellow leaves next to a Ghetto Gypsy bus. (That’s what it said on the front.) I didn’t have a plan for Missoula. I didn’t know anyone who lived there or have any recordings lined up or really anything specific in mind at all. I just wanted to see Big Sky Country. After 4 ye…
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Jun 5, 2018
38. reveal all fear nothing: horizontal with a feminist pornographer
This is a special edition of horizontal, the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations. horizontal aims to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate connections.
This conversation was recorded last week at Hacienda Villa, the intentional community and center for sex education in Bushwick, Brooklyn: my home. In this episode, I lie down with Madison Young. Madison is a performance artist, an author, a sex educator, and a feminist pornographer.
Last week, Hacienda Studio, our event space, hosted three performances of Madison Young’s one-woman show Reveal All Fear Nothing. It is literally like nothing else I’ve ever seen. Reveal All demystifies, illuminates, and celebrates the often-misunderstood worlds of kink, porn, and BDSM, through the words and body of an insider.
It is important work. It needs to be seen. And it needs to be seen by you. I don’t want to reveal too much for her, because you should watch her reveal it y…
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Jun 1, 2018
37. not necessarily consensual: horizontal with a sexual assault survivor
This is horizontal, the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down. On horizontal, we make our private conversations public, for their shame-dispelling, loneliness-diminishing, and connection-cultivating properties. As listener ghostheart put it in their silver-tongued review, this is the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.
In the second part of this episode, recorded in early October on my horizontal does america road trip, I lie down with Kennedy in Omaha, Nebraska. Horizontal does america was a 2-month long, 10,700 mile road trip and recording tour that I enjoyed during October and November of 2017. I miss being on the road!
Kennedy is the young wife of my college friend, Thom. The last time I visited Thom was on my first cross country road trip, in 2009. He was single and frustrated and working as a bartender. Now, he has a two year old, a house, a truly delightful wife, and he tea…
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May 25, 2018
36. you can make a human: horizontal with a young mother
This is horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds that’s recorded while the opposite of vertical. Horizontal aims to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate human connection. To paraphrase my eloquent listener ghostheart, I take you into my bed and let your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.
In this episode, recorded on my horizontal does america road trip, I lie down with Kennedy. Kennedy is the young wife of my college friend, Thom. Thom and I went to theatre school together at NYU. I think he graduated one year before me, in 2002. I had a thing for Thom. I'm pretty sure we had sex. He's pretty sure we didn't. We're friends now. I visited him on my first cross country road trip, in 2009, when he was single and working as a bartender. And I visited him on my second, now that he has a two year old, a house, a wife, and works as a schoolteacher at a magnet high school.
During October and November of 2017, I…
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May 11, 2018
34. that was a big cucumber: horizontal with a gay reiki master
Welcome in to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy that’s recorded while: the opposite of vertical. My guest and I wear cozy robes and lie down, shoulder to shoulder, with the microphone positioned above us. It’s as though we’ve talked all night, and we’re still stargazing, but the sun is just starting to make itself known in yellows and oranges around the horizon. Horizontal aims to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate connection.
In this episode, I lie down with my friend Josh. Josh and I met at Circling, which is a sort of inter-relational meditation. Whereas in meditation with oneself, I will sit silently with my eyes closed, observing my internal landscape, the sensations In my body, my cloud-thoughts as they pass and my hamster-wheel thoughts as they come back around, In Circling, I have my attention not only on myself, but also on the others around me, how their presence and the shifts in the room affect me, t…
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Apr 27, 2018
32. why we never had sex: horizontal with my dearest high school friend
Welcome back to horizontal, the podcast that makes private conversations public, or, in the words of listener ghostheart, “takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.”
In this episode, I lie down with my closest friend from high school, Joe McCue. I have a couple of guys who went to other high schools that I considered my “older brothers,” whom I'm still in contact with, but you might say that people from that time in my life are few and far between. Which makes my friendship with Joe all the more precious to me. Joe and I went to an arts magnet school at Gibbs, called Pinellas County Center for the Arts, or PCCA for short. His major was Visual Art; mine was Performance Theatre. He was one year ahead of me in school.
Joe is now an osteopath. He spent eight years in undergrad, because he just adored the act of study, and kept starting majors and nearly finishing them, only to become swept away by another major and course of study (or at le…
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Apr 13, 2018
30. my heart is broken may it never heal: horizontal with a man separated from his wife
Welcome in to horizontal with lila, the podcast that makes private conversations public. We discuss the details of intimacy while the opposite of vertical, wearing robes.
In this episode, I lie down with my dear friend of 11 years, Matthew Stillman. Matthew Stillman is a genius. Matt’s friendship, ingenuity, sheer breadth of knowledge and depth of compassion, keen interest, curiosity, and the ability to forge connections between seemingly unrelated subjects illuminates exactly what you were trying to unearth in essence but perhaps didn't have the cultural or historical vocabulary for ... He's changed my life. He's made my world bigger many, many times over. I owe my life at the Villa (and thus, this podcast) to his curiosity and insatiable desire to share.
In 2012, Matt loaned me a series of books to read (sometimes I think of it as my independent study / book club of one in human sexuality) and made himself available for all sorts of conversations surrounding those books. Each one…
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Mar 30, 2018
28. future of sex: horizontal with a sex tech podcaster
Heyyy, Welcome back to season two of horizontal, the podcast that makes private conversations public, or, to paraphrase my listener ghostheart, the podcast that “takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.” We record while the opposite of vertical, wearing robes. It’s a thing, the robes. It makes a difference!
In this episode, I lie down with Bryony Cole. Bryony is the host of one of my hands-down favorite podcasts, Future of Sex, which explores the intersection of the “evolving worlds of sex and tech.” Her work grapples with questions like: how will VR affect relationships? Does sex with a humanoid robot constitute cheating?
Bryony also moderates live panels with some of the most fascinating innovators and radicals in sexuality and technology. She organizes and hosts sex tech hackathons across the globe, seeding innovation in the field. She’s also, I must say, a stunningly gorgeous Australian beach babe, which would be a little diff…
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Mar 16, 2018
26. for people who aren't looking to fall in love: horizontal with a bisexual slut
Welcome to the second episode of the second season of horizontal with lila, the podcast about intimacy recorded while lying down.
In this episode, I lie down with my sweet friend Fiona. Fiona is an architecture student, a first generation Nuyorican, a bisexual woman, and one of the most deliciously sensual humans I’ve ever known. At the time of this recording, she had recently trained as a tantrika and was giving erotic massage at a Tantric Temple, which is where she headed right after we finished recording … she was late!
Since then, has retired that persona, feeling that, while she fully supports the rights of women to do tantric sex work, it wasn’t for her. However, she’s dabbled in educational sex work as well, and really enjoys being a demonstration model in an intimate environment — for instance, showcasing hands-on sexual techniques during workshops given by the sex educator Kenneth Play.
This episode was recorded on a marathon day of podcasting in my friend Owen’…
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Mar 2, 2018
24. booty revolution: horizontal with a youtube star
Welcome in to season two. Horizontal is the podcast about intimacy - sex, love, and relationships of all kinds - that’s entirely recorded while lying down. We were on hiatus while I made a 15,000 mile solo road trip, circumnavigating the US on a tour I called “horizontal does america.” I got to lie down with my guests in their homes in their cities. You'll hear those episodes, like one with Dr. Lindsey Doe, of YouTube’s Sexplanations, and another with Marcia B, co-founder of Cuddle Party, later on in the season.
In this episode, I lie down with my dear friend Meghan Tonjes, YouTube sensation, singer-songwriter, accidental leader of the booty revolution, Instagram darling, podcaster, and body positive role model. I first met Meghan when she visited the Villa to interview us as the host of Sex-ish, a documentary TV series produced by Morgan Spurlock’s company, that will hopefully grace your screen … one fine day.
Meghan is a warrior of deep intimacy and vulnerability, shari…
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Oct 9, 2017
22. poly cocktails: horizontal with my hacienda housemate
This intro was recorded in Baltimore, MD because, throughout the month of October, horizontal does america. It’s just me, a Honda Civic, and a backpackful of recording equipment circling the United States together … and you can be a part of happening it.
Patreon.com is a platform for crowdsourcing patronage. Whereas in the olden days, an artist survived on the support of one single patron, now, you can support the horizontal arts with a monthly contribution of any amount whatsoever, from $1 on up. Rewards include handwritten postcards, tickets to the horizontal storytelling live show, behind-the-scenes videos and sensual photos, and having an episode curated to your chosen theme, amongst other perks! Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. I’m just a few dollars away from filming a video of the elaborate happy dance I do every time I get word of a new patron! This month, I’ll use your support for gasoline, the recording equipment I just bought, and horizontal storytelling, where…
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Oct 2, 2017
21. unicorning: quickie with a woman who has sex with couples
The intro for this episode was recorded in Burlington, Vermont, because, for the entire month of October, horizontal does america.
Lila is circling the country on a big podcasty solo road trip which began in New York and heads up to Maine, down to Baltimore, across the northern states, down through California, back across the South, up the East Coast … and you can be a part of happening it.
Patreon.com is a platform for crowdsourcing patronage. Whereas in the olden days, an artist survived on the support of one patron, our global web allows everyone who believes in an artist’s work to have a hand in sustaining it. You can support horizontal endeavors with a monthly donation of any amount from $1 on up. There are rewards at every level, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. I cherish every Patreon supporter - each dollar means that you champion my mission of cultivating intimacy around the world. This month, I’ll use your support for gasoline to get across the country, record…
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Sep 18, 2017
19. pet yourself: horizontal with a sensualist
In this episode of horizontal, I lie down with Jackie, aka Anya or, Anyalita. Jackie is a Shibari aficionado - a rope artist. You can follow her adventures in surrender on theropediary.tumblr.com and on Instagram as Anyalita. On The Rope Diary, she introduces herself as “a rope and bondage enthusiast, a sadomasochist, a sensualist, and a switch.” Jackie is also a sex tools educator who works at Babeland, a queer-owned, lady-friendly sex toy shop. I have great love in my heart for Babeland, as it was the first sex shop I ever felt comfortable in.
When we recorded, Jackie had a cold, so she sounds rather snuffly. But I don’t think you’ll mind.
In the first half of this episode, we talk about happy parents, unhappy parents, depression, self-soothing, and a first kiss with a kitchen boy. Come lie down with us.
***
Hey! Exciting news! In October, horizontal does America. Lila will be driving cross-country, recording episodes, and getting horizontal in unexpected places across th…
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Sep 11, 2017
18. sex on the subway tonight: quickie with a gonzo journalist
In this episode, I lie down with Grant Stoddard, my first repeat guest! (It's the accent.)
Grant is an experiential journalist who specializes in reporting from outside of his comfort zone (sometimes way, waaay outside). The wild situations he has experienced bodily have appeared in Thrillist, Vice, T, New York Magazine, Penthouse, and Maxim, among many others.
He’s the author of one of my favorite memoirs of all-time, Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental Sexpert. When I was reading it on the bus, I laughed so hard that I completely missed my stop and had to double back about ten blocks. It follows Grant’s journey from lovelorn small town virgin to sex writer at Nerve.com.
This quickie elaborates on a story from the book and involves a trivia contest, a sex column, and sex on the subway.
This quickie episode was recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party on May 21st, 2017, at Hacienda Studio, a sex-positive event space in Bushwick, Brooklyn. My guests enjoyed…
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Aug 28, 2017
16. kiss me i'm jew-witch: horizontal with the comedy witch
In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Tiger.
Tiger goes by many names, but we'll only use two of them here. Tiger is a Professional Cuddler, or, Cuddlist. Her cuddling name is Ellen. You can find her on Cuddlist.com.
She's also a reiki practitioner, a trained yoga instructor, a comedian (check out "The Comedy Witch"), and a cats fanatic. That's the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical theatre version of cats, to be clear. In lieu of performing in the actual musical, Tiger cosplays regularly as feline, and soon plans to host Cat Cuddling events at Hacienda Studio, in which the cats are actually humans in full cat costume because "you could cuddle real cats, but they're unreliable."
She writes and performs funny songs, and last year I saw her in an hour-long one-ish-woman show entitled "Kiss Me, I'm Jew-witch." She sang about celebrity sex dreams and her period. Her parents were there. It was pretty amazing. Tiger is the closest thing I have at this point to a sister. We have deep talk…
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Aug 21, 2017
15. friend death: quickie with lila
In this quickie episode, recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party on May 21st, 2017, I lie down with my friend Becca and tell her a story.
That series of recordings from the party comprise the first installment of my ongoing series Horizontal Storytelling. We recorded at Hacienda Studio, our sex-positive event space in Bushwick, Brooklyn.
My guests enjoyed reiki, massage, empathy sessions, and cookies upon arrival. After a brief cuddling tutorial from one of my housemates, a professional Cuddlist, fifty people in kimonos, flannels, onesies, and short-shorts got horizontal and snuggly on an enormous Megabed the size of three kings put together.
On a bed-island across the room, my guest and I arranged ourselves as we would for any horizontal recording session - lying on our backs, almost ear-to-ear, sharing a pillow, microphones hanging down above us, with a starry blanket as our backdrop…
In this quickie, I speak about a best friend, a road trip, several fiances, a suicide,…
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Aug 7, 2017
13. nonsexual naked coconut oil contact improv movement: horizontal at connection camp
In this episode, I lie down with Dr. HazelGrace Yates. In a twin bed. At a summer camp. In the wilds of New Jersey.
HazelGrace is a clinical sexologist, a scholar, and the founder of The Cock Project and The Pussy Project. She holds a PhD in Human Sexuality, and a Masters in Education.
The Cock Project offers those who identify with having a cock the opportunity to speak about their experiences living with it, and their feelings about it, directly to a group of others who self-identify the same way, while being silently and compassionately witnessed by a group that does not identify with having a cock, or would prefer to act as a compassionate witness. The Pussy Project is the inverse. Right after we recorded this episode, I had the opportunity to experience both workshops.
HazelGrace and I were both taking part in Connection Camp, a summer camp for adults that’s centered around activities designed to encourage authentic relating. It is produced by The Connection Movement, which i…
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Jul 24, 2017
11. shower-head: horizontal with a primo villan
In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Rene.
Rene is the most genuinely enthusiastic person I have ever known. When I first met him, I didn’t trust him. I thought, “Is this guy for real? Is he really this happy?” He is! It’s incredible. In response to his tendency to fold other people’s laundry, I coined the in-house hashtag PRIMOVILLAN, and started regularly asking myself, What would Rene do? The question was like a lovingkindness tune-up.
Rene is quite a hunky fellow, and often genderfluid in the way he dresses, rocking skirts and shiny little short-shorts in the same way he rocks a bow tie and a sport coat. He’s the housemate who looks better in your clothes than you do! Rene and his 8-pack can be seen pole-dancing at the House of Yes, often on Pole Play Wednesdays — he actually defies gravity while Horizontal!
You can follow his pole journey on Instagram @The_Renesance, which is a nickname that I made up for him. I’m pretty proud of that.
In the *first ha…
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Jul 10, 2017
9. it's my body to give: horizontal with a unicorn
In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Elaine. Elaine is a consummate world traveler - it’s quite the feat to catch her at home but on one of her brief stays at the Villa I got lucky. In between jaunts to her home country of Taiwan and remote islands, outdoor sailing adventures and the climbing of mountains, running races in Europe and engaging in other extreme sports and endurance activities, as she puts it, “like sex,” we had the chance to don some robes and get horizontal.
Elaine lives in the room across the way from me, a space so tiny that it has only a skylight, and no window. She calls it a closet - but she means it as a good thing. She likes how cozy it is.
Elaine holds a PhD in Biomedical Engineering and has done 10 years of stem cell research and patent prosecution for Biotech Startups. She cooks Taiwanese food that would make you wish she were your wife, and she has a deep and abiding love for turtles - so much so, that she doesn’t travel the world alone, ev…
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Jun 26, 2017
7. the perfect lover: horizontal with an intimacy start-up founder
In this episode, I lie down with Philip Stehlik, of the sex-positive venture Cambyo.
Cambyo is designed to help people develop their intimate lives. Through their online publication, research, community building, and in-person events, such as a sort of salon / meeting in which people are invited to share their experiences around intimacy, sexuality, and relationships in semi-public, Cambyo aims to cultivate a safer space for people to discuss. On Medium, they publish real stories about people’s intimate lives. If you want to contribute a story of your own to the ongoing, destigmatizing dialogue, please reach out to them!
I first met Philip at a small cocktail party in the West Village - Philip and Cambyo co-founder Matt Hunter were in town for just a few days, and by the strength of their charisma alone, and also a little nudge from Bryony Cole, host of the fabulous sex tech podcast “The Future of Sex,” they gathered a mix of sex tech entrepreneurs, educators, activists, and th…
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Jun 19, 2017
6. divine pleasure: quickie with a meditation teacher
This quickie episode was recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party on May 21st, 2017, at Hacienda Studio, a sex-positive event space in Bushwick, Brooklyn. My guests enjoyed reiki, massage, empathy sessions, and cookies upon arrival. After a brief cuddling tutorial from one of my housemates, a professional Cuddler, Fifty people in kimonos, flannels, onesies, and short-shorts got horizontal and snuggly on an enormous Megabed the size of three kings put together, while, on a bed-island across the room, my guest and I arranged ourselves as we would for any horizontal recording session - lying on our backs, almost ear-to-ear, sharing a pillow, microphones hanging down above us, with a starry blanket as our backdrop…
In this, the first of many quickies to come, I lie down with Ralph de la Rosa.
Ralph is a highly regarded meditation teacher in New York City. His Rebel Heart Meditation, a weekly class combining meditation, psychology, and neuroscience, was the first - and is still t…
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Jun 5, 2017
4. sluthood: horizontal with a sex scientist
In this episode, I lie down with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova.
Dr. Zhana is a sex scientist, researcher, and professor of Human Sexuality at NYU. She has a PhD from Cornell in Developmental Psychology with a focus on casual sex. She co-founded The Casual Sex Project (thecasualsexproject.com), a website that allows people to share stories of real-life hookups - in a science-y, data driven sort of way. (If you listened to episode 3 with Mistress Leigh, this is the website that a dominatrix codes!)
In our event space at the Villa, Hacienda Studio, Dr. Zhana hosts Sex Science Socials, in which she wades through peer-reviewed studies on topics like Infidelity, Squirting, and Bi-Curiosity, and breaks the data down in a way we can all understand.
She believes that popular sex myths ruin lives, and spends her time both debunking those myths on DrZhana.com, and also replacing those messages - by working to make sex ed as accessible as porn. You can read her breakdown of scientific data on Facebook a…
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May 29, 2017
3. there's a kink for that: horizontal with a professional dominatrix
In the third episode of horizontal, I lie down with Mistress Leigh, a professional Dominatrix, fetish consultant, educator, and performer. Mistress Leigh went on a BDSM tour in May 2017 (did you know that there was such a thing?! You should probably find out about this on her website.). Keep up with her kinky antics on LeighEntertainment.com
As well as being a pro dom, she’s a performer, a martial artist, and a general badass. She’s full of characters and stories and charisma. This episode of Horizontal was recorded at Mistress Leigh’s apartment, in her little loft nook, in another neighborhood in the land of Brooklyn.
We talk about fetish work, session-ing with disabled clients, dominant women / submissive men, the difference between power play and position, and feefees.
So hey...come lie down with us.
More horizontality, please:
To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy e…
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May 21, 2017
2. stuff came out: horizontal with a sex writer
In this episode, I lie down with Grant Stoddard. Grant is an experiential journalist who specializes in reporting from outside of his comfort zone (sometimes way, waaay outside). The wild situations he has experienced bodily have appeared in Thrillist, Vice, T, New York Magazine, Penthouse, and Maxim, among many others.
He’s the author of one of my favorite memoirs of all-time, Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental Sexpert. When I was reading it on the bus, I laughed so hard that I completely missed my stop and had to double back about ten blocks. It follows Grant’s journey from lovelorn small town virgin to sex writer at Nerve.com.
In 2002, Nerve was the very first place where I posted an on-line dating profile, after my friend Marley insisted that it wasn’t a weird and scary thing to do. As a budding sex-positive advocate, I began devouring Nerve’s sexy offerings, including erotica, photography, and Grant’s column, “I Did It For Science!” Last year, he beg…
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May 21, 2017
1. feed your delight: horizontal with a polyamorous woman
Come lie down with us!
Welcome to the very first episode of horizontal with lila. Horizontal is the podcast of intimate conversations about sex, love, and relationships that's entirely recorded while lying down.
I invite you to eavesdrop on stories that might seem almost too personal for you to hear, which is, of course, exactly why I want you to hear them. Many episodes are recorded in bed at my home, Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn.
Sex-positive = dispelling the shame surrounding sex through sexual education, open dialogue, and the celebration of all genders and sexual orientations, and all relationship structures and sexual acts between consenting adults. Intentional community = living together on purpose in accordance with common ideals, in order to offer everyone roots and wings.
I've been inspired, humbled, unburdened, seen, and thoroughly schooled by the everyday conversations we have in this house, and I thought it was a shame that…
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