Mar 18, 2023
2:6 Lie # 6: “You Can’t Trust Anyone”
This episode follows Chapter 2, Lie # 6: "You Can't Trust Anyone" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! In this episode, you'll learn:
* humans are social beings and need people
* how isolation amplifies negative thoughts
* why relationships are mutually beneficial
* how to deal with difficult people
It's hard when anxiety convinces you that you can't trust anyone or shouldn't need people because people need people. I'll teach you that when you learn how to trust yourself, you will see which other people you can trust too. You'll learn that self-trust starts with self-compassion.
People who feel emotionally bad are often tempted to isolate themselves. There are many reasons for this; some are you don't want to feel needy, you don't want to be a burden, and you don't want to be hurt when you are so vulnerable. But you are not protecting yourself because isolation makes everything worse, not better.
Being scared of people might be your reason for isolation, but isolation is increasing your fear of people. It would be best if you broke out of isolation, and in this episode, I give you tips for exactly how.
_"Individualistic ideas hurt people. One, because they're impossible to maintain. So you feel like a failure. And two, because they make you isolate yourself. And then you're alone in your head with your negative thoughts. Not a good place for anyone. Isolation, even when it's self-inflicted, makes us feel unloved, untethered, without a purpose, and lonely." - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
* “6 Red Flags That Everyone Should Look Out For” video
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy._ _More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!
Welcome to this episode. We're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #6, "You can't trust anyone!" Grab your notebook and pen, y'all, because I will lay down some information that will change your life for the better.
When you're a social being, like all humans are, you need people. So this lie that you can't trust anyone will mess you up. If anxiety convinces you that you can't trust anyone, it convinces you that you don't need anyone. But you do need people because people need people. Individualistic ideas hurt people.
* Because they're impossible to maintain, so you feel like a failure.
* Because they make you isolate yourself, and then you're alone in your head with your negative thoughts, which is not a good place for anyone's isolation. (Even when it's self-inflicted, isolation makes you feel unloved, untethered, without a purpose, and lonely.)
Sometimes being alone when you have me time is good. You recoup and rejuvenate. But we're talking about something else here. The flavor of isolation is distinct. It feels different to your mind and your emotions as if you're un-held. You might be isolating because your anxiety says, _Stay alone; it's safer there where no one can hurt you._ However, the isolation hurts you so much more. It keeps you from good uplifting relationships! And what's worse, it makes you feel so bad about yourself that you attract people who mistreat you. And then, you have no community to get you out of those relationships.
Isolation breeds more isolation. In my practice, I've understood that isolation is one of the worst things for people. When I have a young person in my office, and they say, "I don't care if I ever feel better." The first thing I think is that they are severely isolated. People often mistake not caring about anyone, not caring about feeling better, or not being interested in anything anymore as symptoms of depression. Still, I see them as neurobiological symptoms of isolation. In isolation, your dopamine stops releasing.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter (a hormone) that makes you feel good. When you're in isolation, nothing exciting is happening, just a lot of negative thoughts tumbling over themselves in your head, so you have little to no dopamine release. Your body gets used to not having it, and soon it doesn't care if it ever has it again. When dopamine goes off, you're like, "That feels good. I want more of that!" And you do the activity again, and then the dopamine goes off again, and you're like, "That's awesome! I want to do that again!" and so you do it again.
But when you're in isolation, it doesn't go off for a while, and you stop caring whether it goes off again. You're not used to it. You might feel like your mind is atrophying or that you can't concentrate. Do you ever feel like that?
It feels freaky and like there's no hope. I seems like you're losing yourself. But feeling like yourself again comes back. I promise. All you need to do is trigger the dopamine. Yeah, I'm saying it like it's easy, but it's not. Plus, you probably have a lot of resistance, too. That calorie-saving resistance we discussed in the last episode kicks in big time here. Whereas everything you try to do will feel like a waste of energy. But it's not a waste of energy. You need to override that false belief.
You will feel better if you get out of isolation. At first, it will feel scary and uncomfortable…