Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!
Doctor Jodi
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Generation Z's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness. Wellness Tips for your Brain, Body, & Spirit.
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Mar 18, 2023
2:7 Lie # 7: “You Can’t”
This episode follows Chapter 2, Lie # 7: "You Can't" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! One of anxiety's most powerful lies is telling you you can't. Just that you can't. Period. Vagueness is anxiety's superpower. What would happen when you ask, "why not?" in response? In this episode, you'll learn:
* that "you can't" is a lie
* the effects of imposter syndrome
* about wicked competencies and personal authority
* How to empower yourself with the Five-Second Rule
When you ask anxiety, "why not?" you shake the foundation of its power over your life. I'll unpack how to see through the lie of "you can't" and give you a tool for starting something when you feel like you can't. You can. You'll see.
Anxiety wants you to focus on your deficits, what you can't do. But that is a small part of your overall story. You can do many things, but anxiety doesn't want you to see them. You need to override that and start to focus on them with the daily practice I share in this episode.
There's a science behind why we hesitate to do something. I'll explain what happens in your brain when you pause to think you can't do something and show you how to combat that feeling. I connect you with your agency and authority so you can see your abilities, and then they will be more accessible to you.
_"When anxiety says you can't, it sounds right. You accept that as a truth without question. I suggest you do question anxiety. When anxiety says "you can't", you need to say, "why not"? When it says "you knew you couldn't before, you believed me," you say, "No, really, why can't I?" Hold its feet to the fire. Its success relies on you taking it at face value and not asking deeper." - Dr. Jodi Aman_.
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
* “I’m A Mess!” - What To Do If You Feel Out Of Control video
* Helen Fisher
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy._ _More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript
Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" because this series follows section by section through the book going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which follows along with Chapter 2, is going through the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If I had helped you spread the word about this book in this podcast series, mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you, and your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives.
Welcome to this episode! We're finishing up Chapter 2 here, talking about Lie #7, "You can't!" This lie is the single most powerful tactic of anxiety. Anxiety says you can't, and we believe it hook, line, and sinker! I'm right there with you, fighting off my own inner critic that tells me that _I can't_ all the time.
Even with this podcast, I try so hard to make these clean, clear, and well-produced, yet I keep making mistakes. I've even had to re-record them all at least once, and some of them I've re-recorded two or three times already. Anxiety picks up on those mistakes and tries to convince me that I can't do this. I have to push past these feelings of not being able to, not being skilled enough, not being able to read aloud well enough because of my dyslexia, thinking that my breathing is way too loud or that my small mouth noises are annoying, etc., etc., etc. It picks up on anything it thinks I'd care about. I have to push past all of that because I know the information that I'm sharing in this podcast can help people. I hope I'm helping you. My desire to help you helps me get out of my own way and do it because that is more important than doing any of this perfectly.
In this episode, we'll
* unpack this lie
* I'll show you how to prove to yourself that it is untrue
* we're going to define imposter syndrome, wicked competencies, and personal authority
* we'll review how understanding yourself and your abilities helps you regulate your emotions
* finally, I'll detail how to start something when you feel like you can't
Let's get started. Remember, there's not much substance behind anxiety's lies and this one is no different. It just says, "You can't!" Period! It doesn't even have to give a reason because you do the work for it. You think of all the times you didn't do things perfectly in your past. To be honest, some of these memories of your past "mistakes"–– and you can't see it, but I'm doing air quotes around mistakes––most of them have been blown out of proportion by your inner critic. People take these blown-out-of-proportion-mistakes and make negative identity conclusions about themselves. They think, "I'm a mess," "I'm stupid," and "I'm annoying." They use _I am—_that's what I mean by negative identity conclusions. It's as if a _mess_ or _stupid_ or _annoying_ is their very personhood.
Even if you don't mean it like that, that is how your mind and body receive it. These affect us consciously and make us feel bad, but they also affect us unconsciously or implicitly and form inner limiting beliefs about who we are. Those limit what we can do. When anxiety says, "You can't!" it sounds right and we accept that as _a truth_ without question.
Remember Henry Ford's quotation, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right."
I suggest you question anxiety: When anxiety says you can't, you need to say, "Why not?" When it says, "You knew you couldn't before, you believed me!" You say, "No, really, why can't I?" Hold its feet to the fire. Its success relies on you taking it at face value rather than asking deeper. Vagueness is its superpower! W…
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Mar 18, 2023
2:6 Lie # 6: “You Can’t Trust Anyone”
This episode follows Chapter 2, Lie # 6: "You Can't Trust Anyone" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! In this episode, you'll learn:
* humans are social beings and need people
* how isolation amplifies negative thoughts
* why relationships are mutually beneficial
* how to deal with difficult people
It's hard when anxiety convinces you that you can't trust anyone or shouldn't need people because people need people. I'll teach you that when you learn how to trust yourself, you will see which other people you can trust too. You'll learn that self-trust starts with self-compassion.
People who feel emotionally bad are often tempted to isolate themselves. There are many reasons for this; some are you don't want to feel needy, you don't want to be a burden, and you don't want to be hurt when you are so vulnerable. But you are not protecting yourself because isolation makes everything worse, not better.
Being scared of people might be your reason for isolation, but isolation is increasing your fear of people. It would be best if you broke out of isolation, and in this episode, I give you tips for exactly how.
_"Individualistic ideas hurt people. One, because they're impossible to maintain. So you feel like a failure. And two, because they make you isolate yourself. And then you're alone in your head with your negative thoughts. Not a good place for anyone. Isolation, even when it's self-inflicted, makes us feel unloved, untethered, without a purpose, and lonely." - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
* “6 Red Flags That Everyone Should Look Out For” video
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy._ _More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript
Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!
Welcome to this episode. We're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #6, "You can't trust anyone!" Grab your notebook and pen, y'all, because I will lay down some information that will change your life for the better.
When you're a social being, like all humans are, you need people. So this lie that you can't trust anyone will mess you up. If anxiety convinces you that you can't trust anyone, it convinces you that you don't need anyone. But you do need people because people need people. Individualistic ideas hurt people.
* Because they're impossible to maintain, so you feel like a failure.
* Because they make you isolate yourself, and then you're alone in your head with your negative thoughts, which is not a good place for anyone's isolation. (Even when it's self-inflicted, isolation makes you feel unloved, untethered, without a purpose, and lonely.)
Sometimes being alone when you have me time is good. You recoup and rejuvenate. But we're talking about something else here. The flavor of isolation is distinct. It feels different to your mind and your emotions as if you're un-held. You might be isolating because your anxiety says, _Stay alone; it's safer there where no one can hurt you._ However, the isolation hurts you so much more. It keeps you from good uplifting relationships! And what's worse, it makes you feel so bad about yourself that you attract people who mistreat you. And then, you have no community to get you out of those relationships.
Isolation breeds more isolation. In my practice, I've understood that isolation is one of the worst things for people. When I have a young person in my office, and they say, "I don't care if I ever feel better." The first thing I think is that they are severely isolated. People often mistake not caring about anyone, not caring about feeling better, or not being interested in anything anymore as symptoms of depression. Still, I see them as neurobiological symptoms of isolation. In isolation, your dopamine stops releasing.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter (a hormone) that makes you feel good. When you're in isolation, nothing exciting is happening, just a lot of negative thoughts tumbling over themselves in your head, so you have little to no dopamine release. Your body gets used to not having it, and soon it doesn't care if it ever has it again. When dopamine goes off, you're like, "That feels good. I want more of that!" And you do the activity again, and then the dopamine goes off again, and you're like, "That's awesome! I want to do that again!" and so you do it again.
But when you're in isolation, it doesn't go off for a while, and you stop caring whether it goes off again. You're not used to it. You might feel like your mind is atrophying or that you can't concentrate. Do you ever feel like that?
It feels freaky and like there's no hope. I seems like you're losing yourself. But feeling like yourself again comes back. I promise. All you need to do is trigger the dopamine. Yeah, I'm saying it like it's easy, but it's not. Plus, you probably have a lot of resistance, too. That calorie-saving resistance we discussed in the last episode kicks in big time here. Whereas everything you try to do will feel like a waste of energy. But it's not a waste of energy. You need to override that false belief.
You will feel better if you get out of isolation. At first, it will feel scary and uncomfortable…
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Mar 11, 2023
2:5 Lie # 5: “You Shouldn’t Have To Do It”
This episode goes with Chapter 2, Lie # 5: "You Shouldn't Have To Do It" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! Much of the time, it is easier and better for you to do hard things rather than resist them. Do you believe that? It's true! And I'll explain it in this episode. You'll learn:
* how to feel empowered by the choices you have
* the real reason you feel resistance
* exactly how Anxiety uses that resistance against you
* how to override the resistance and feel better
Feeling obligated to do things you don't want to do makes you feel disempowered. Plus, it teams up with an instinctive, biological resistance that Anxiety picks up on and expands. I'm going to tell you how to break free of this cycle.
Your brain interprets disempowering language like, "I have no choice in the matter" and "There's no other option," as powerlessness. That's exactly why Anxiety says these things because it wants you to feel powerless. It doesn't want you to see your choices. It is time to push Anxiety aside and let you see your power.
You are hardwired to resist expending calories in doing things your brain doesn't deem worth doing, but you can override that. There are hard, boring, uncomfortable, and tedious tasks that do help you thrive and succeed in this life. Your reptilian brain doesn't recognize them as beneficial to you, but you have a mammalian brain that can override it. Doing hard things is good for you, good for your brain, and good for your life. It builds a sense of purpose. It makes you stronger. I'll show you how to get comfortable with discomfort to keep Anxiety at bay.
_"When you're faced with something that you don't want to do, you feel a sharp resistance to it. And then, when you feel that resistance, you have to make sense of it and give meaning to it. You all too often give it the meaning that 'I shouldn't have to do it.' " - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
* “We Can Do Hard Things: The Podcast” with host Glennon Doyle
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy._ _More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript
Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new here, grab a copy of my book "Anxiety...I am So Done with You!" because this series follows section by section through the book going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which follows along with Chapter 2, is going through the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple Podcasts. If I had helped you spread the word about this book in this podcast series, mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you, and your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives.
Welcome to this episode! We're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #5, "You shouldn't have to do it!" Before we start, I wanted to remind you that I go live every Monday at 11 am Eastern on YouTube and Facebook. If you ever have questions or want to hang out with me virtually, come on over to that broadcast. You can also find me on TikTok @DoctorJodi.
In this episode, we expose a lie that anxiety frequently uses in this modern culture: "You shouldn't have to do anything that you don't want to do!" This lie convinces you that your refusal to do anything that you don't want to do, is you standing up for yourself and defending yourself. While that might be true sometimes, anxiety makes you think this is a universal rule. However, that belief hurts you. There are many tasks that you are faced with each and every day that you do not want to do, like getting out of bed in the morning. But if you do it, you don't suffer the undesired consequences of being late.
Some tasks you might do out of respect for who's asking, and some you might do to get something else that you do want, like shoveling snow so you could get out of the driveway. And then some tasks have no point to them, and you could choose not to do them, like folding underwear. Who folds their underwear? You have a choice in every task you engage in, though sometimes, it doesn't feel like that. That's because you're using words that suggest you have no choice.
As in: _I have no choice whether to take the bus because I have no other way to get there._ People use disempowering language like this all the time. Our brain unconsciously registers this as powerlessness. But, with regard to the bus, you can choose not to go. (Many people would prefer not to go somewhere if taking a bus was the only option. They are deciding that it's not worth the effort.) The people who choose the bus value their reasons for going enough to motivate them to do it. Or they take the bus all the time, perhaps they like it, or at least they feel like it's easy and not much effort, so definitely worth it.
Anxiety does not want you to think about the choice you have because then you feel empowered. But anxiety wants you to feel disempowered. Unfortunately, our society has encouraged us to implicitly believe that we are oppressed if we have to do anything we don't want to do. It's that American entitlement to be happy. No, we have a right to _pursue happiness;_ that means _generating happiness,_ not having happiness without effort. Anxiety takes advantage of this sense of entitlement.
When you're faced with something you don't want to do, you strongly resist it. When humans feel that resistance, they want to understand it, make sense of it, and give meaning to it. This implicit belief influences us to think that we shouldn't have to do it. Remember, implicit beliefs and biases are there and affect us, even though they're not entirely in our consciousness. (Cognitively thinking that we're oppressed if we have to…
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Mar 4, 2023
2:4 Lie # 4: “You Must be in Control"
This episode goes with Chapter 2, Lie # 4: "You Must Be In Control!" of Anxiety... I'm So Done with You! It's time to unpack control. I've said control issues are anxiety issues, and now we need to dig deeper into "control." In this episode, you'll learn:
* The correlation between control and anxiety
* How to distinguish physical vulnerability from emotional vulnerability
* How to identify danger and when you're in it
* Why letting go is not what you think it is
Do you feel anxiety about being in control? Anxiety tells you that you are in danger if you are not in control. That worry convinces you that you always need to be in control. But when you believe that, you will always feel anxious since 'control over everything' is an impossible quest. This episode unpacks the concepts of control, danger, and vulnerability, so you no longer have to listen to anxiety.
Anxiety always calls attention to control - specifically, the things you don't have control over. This makes those things feel more significant than they are. You see, anxiety is rigid. It tells you everything needs to go how you expect it to, or you're out of control. I'll remind you that there are many things that go differently than you plan, and they have gone fine. Plus, I'll show you where and how you have agency.
There are things you control and things that you don't. Anxiety wants you to see what's out of your control. However, refocusing on what you can control brings calm and builds confidence.
_"Control has come to equal safety. This has led to the belief that vulnerability equals danger. These concepts have small relationships to each other, but they are in the context of so many other things. They are not equal. Control is relative. There are things that you have control over and things that you don't have control over." - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy._ _More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript:
Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is Season 2 of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!
Welcome to this episode! We're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #4, "You must be in control!" If you've been on this journey with me from the beginning, you know the correlation between control and anxiety. So, you know control issues are anxiety issues!
In this episode, I'm going to:
* unpack _control_ a little bit further
* talk about vulnerability
* distinguish physical vulnerability from emotional vulnerability
* unpack danger and how you know you are in it
* go over "pseudo-power" (where I tell you why it is not sustainable)
* share why letting go is not what you think it is
Let's dive in. How many of you can relate to the anxious thought that I quoted at the beginning of this section: "If I'm not in control and something bad happens, then I can't do anything!"?
This thought decidedly makes you think that you must always be in control_! C_ontrol makes people feel safe, but when they expect _to be in control,_ it can be consuming. So many things that you are experiencing and interacting with are out of your control.
We, humans, are constantly being reminded that we are failing the expectation to keep control because it's an impossible expectation. And even though the expectation is impossible to meet, _not meeting it_ feels dangerous and so completely unacceptable. Again, this happens implicitly. Remember from the last episode implicit means it's there and impacting things, but you may not be conscious of it. When we feel out of control, we try to grab something near us to control so that we feel in control again. We try to catch whatever we can put our hands on, be it cleanliness, other people, substances, anger, perfection, sex, exercise, or whatever is close at hand. And when controlling that calms us a bit, we keep grabbing that thing again and again.
The problem is it's unsustainable. I call us trying to control these things "pseudo-power" or "pseudo-control" because it doesn't satisfy us and we have to keep grabbing it. Bullies, or people who engage in power tactics in relationships, are playing this out. Getting power over others is their way of trying to regulate their implicit anxiety. They feel out of control and compensate by controlling something or someone.
Did you ever hear the phrase, "Hurt people hurt people"? This is what they mean. Bullying others comes from pain or anxiety in the bully's life. That doesn't make it okay that they hurt you, but it can help you understand that it's not you and you don't have to put up with it anymore. In fact, if some sirens are going off as I say this, check out my Red Flags video on the blog post for this episode. That'll tell you if anything you are experiencing is something to be concerned about.
In chapter 3, I go deeper into finding sustainable empowerment. Still, for this section, I'm mostly addressing the expectation that you have to be in control because that unrealistic expectation hurts you. In your implicit belief system, control has come to equal safety. This has led to the belief that vulnerability equals danger. These concepts are related to each other, but they are not equal.…
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Feb 25, 2023
2:3 Lie # 3: “You Must Handle it Right"
This episode goes with Chapter 2, Lie # 3: "You Must Handle It Right" of _Anxiety... I'm So Done with You_! How do you handle negative feelings? Or oppressive toxic positivity? In this episode, you'll learn:
* Why fake positivity hurts you
* How dwelling too long on the bad things can lead to spiraling negativity
* What bypassing is
* How to bid your anxiety a not-fond farewell
You are human, you feel things, and it's okay to feel upset about things that have happened to you. However, you don't need to live with the hurt forever. But you also shouldn't expect yourself not to be bothered by anything again. This episode will show you where the sweet spot is.
Always being positive and never being triggered are unrealistic expectations. It's another example of colonizing Western Culture. That kind of thinking doesn't allow you to be you. You deserve to feel but not stay feeling bad. Have you heard the saying, "if you are going through hell, keep going"? You want to allow a feeling so it can come up and out and not stay inside you.
In the exercise for this section of the book, I invited you to write a letter to your anxiety. In the letter, you take what you have learned about anxiety and tell it to leave you alone. To inspire you, I read an example of someone else's goodbye letter. Soon, it’ll be you saying, “Take a seat, anxiety. I don't want to listen to you anymore!”
"When somebody hurts you, you get rejected, or if you are disappointed, feeling hurt, sad and worried, and betrayed is human. It's weirder if you don't feel those things. So when society gives us an expectation that we shouldn't feel bad at all, it is not allowing us to be, well, us." - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
* “Love Up Instead of Worrying Down” blog post
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy._ _More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript
Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is season two of "Anxiety... I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!
Welcome to this episode where we're talking about Chapter 2, Lie #3, "You must handle it right!" I'll go over the easiest ways for you to handle negative feelings and talk about the power of saying goodbye to your anxiety.
What's fake positivity? Also called toxic positivity, it's thinking that being "positive" means you're always happy, evolved, and _above_ getting upset by whatever's happening to you.
Some people call this bypassing, as in spiritual bypassing. Bypassing means dismissing the context of the problem, including if someone, or some structure, hurt you. That promotes the idea that you shouldn't let anything bother you, no matter how horrible or unjust it is. Spiritual bypassing is when people on a spiritual journey embrace new-age ideas that convince them that there's one truth, "Everything is a reflection of the mind." The assumption is that people are hurt only when something unhealed inside them is triggered. Unfortunately, this has people double down on self-blame or, in the opposite vein, avoid responsibility for their actions and behavior that hurts others. They say, "If I hurt you, that was you being triggered about something inside of you."
In some ways, I get it: if someone you did not care about rejected you, you'd feel it less than if it was someone you do care about. But if someone you didn't care about stabbed you, you would totally care. I recognize that people sometimes repeat unhealthy patterns. However, if we blamed people's inner triggers for injustices that happened to them, we would ignore injustice that doesn't affect us because we would not see them as our problem.
Similarly, people think that not intending to hurt someone means they are not responsible for hurting them. It does feel a little better knowing they didn't mean it, but they still hurt you. They're responsible for the impact their words or deeds have made, and when that is acknowledged, it's even more healing.
Did you ever have someone apologize to you saying, "I'm sorry if what I said hurt you, but that's not what I meant" instead of:
"I'm sorry I said that. Thank you for the feedback. I'll be more careful next time because I don't want to hurt you." There's a big difference.
One is using intention as an excuse not to take responsibility for one's words. People can hear that. It's gaslighting: "I'm sorry you didn't understand me correctly."
The other apology is being accountable for saying something wrong and committing to improving now that they learned how it was received. Intention can be part of the apology. Knowing that they didn't mean it does heal the relationship, but it's better to come after acknowledging what was said or done. We still live in a world of form, and humans have feelings. You affect the people and the energy field around you, and you're responsible for that.
Okay, I'm listening to myself, and I'm thinking I have to make a caveat here because sometimes you're dealing with someone who's selfish and narcissistic, and you have to do the opposite of what I'm saying. They might be complaining about something you said, like when you were sticking up for yourself, and they might want you to take responsibility for it as i…
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Feb 12, 2023
2:2 Lie # 2: “You Need To Look At Me!”
This episode goes with Chapter 2, Section 2 of _Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!_ Anxiety is like a beacon for undivided attention. It wants you to look at it, giving it all of your brain space. That’s so mean of it. Let’s put anxiety in its place. In this episode, you’ll learn:
* How anxiety engages the Monkey Mind with things to worry about
* Why you get lost in “Anxiety Content.”
* The exact script you can use to stop getting lost in it
* What to do next.
Anxiety’s attention-seeking ways are a big problem. Huge! But you can tell anxiety to take a seat. I’ll talk you through it.
We have 12 to 60,000 thoughts per day. We can't grab them all into consciousness, so we, and our unconscious, picks and chooses which to bring closer. Anxiety wants us to pick thoughts that worry us, problems to fixate on, and things that haven't even happened yet that it really wants us to panic about. You've already learned about deconstructing fear by facing it. Now you will learn how to tell anxiety to cool its jets because you're too busy for its nonsense!
When anxiety comes back, the temptation is to tell ourselves we failed, are losers, and can't handle life. But that's just anxiety talking, trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Self-judgment is another anxiety tactic to distract you from your personal agency. Anxiety doesn't want you to know, but you have the strength to tell anxiety to back the heck off! I even give you the script!
_"Anxiety says, 'What if you cut your fingers?' _
_You didn't cut your fingers, so there's no problem to solve with your fingers. It's a 'what if...' Which is merely a remote possibility of some future suffering. The monkey is trying to solve something that didn't happen and may never happen, and it gets really distracted doing that." - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy. __More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript
Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is season two of "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!
Chapter 2, Lie Number 2: "You need to look at me!"
This is a biggie because anxiety wants your undivided attention, and unfortunately, it knows exactly what to do to be a beacon for that. It puts thoughts in your mind that are hard to ignore. What's worse is that it makes you pull back from everything. It makes you want to stay in your room, or hide under the covers, or sit on a chair, and try to figure out your life.
Anxiety wants all of your attention. That's why it does that. That's why it has you isolate yourself and why it keeps you home. It wants to have your undivided attention. One of the worst things that you could do is give your brain space to the anxiety, because when you're busy, when you're engaged in something, or when you're trying to figure something out real in the world, those takes your brain space, leaving nothing for anxiety.
I interview people all day long about this. And, I ask them about times when they're with their friends, or having fun, or doing something. Almost always, they tell me that the anxiety is gone during those times. At the very least, it is a lot less. It might be in the background somewhere and it might be bothering you that it is in the background somewhere, but it is a lot less. Anxiety usually doesn't hang out with "fun." it doesn't hang out during fun times. In fact, laughter and anxiety cannot live together in the same moment.
Anxiety is constantly trying to engage you. It does this by telling you something that you think that you have to deal with. It might have you obsessed with looking at people's private parts, it might have you worried that your hands might be dirty and that could get you sick, or that you might touch something that could get you sick.
This is the interesting part about people being afraid of germs. People, who are afraid of getting germs (and touching things or sitting on things that might have germs), are not as afraid of _getting sick_ as they are of _touching germs_. This is evasive nonsense of "It'll be horrible," "It'll be overwhelming," or "You can't" that stops us in our tracks. We don't even ask, "What's the problem?" "Why am I afraid of not getting germs?"
I'm not making light of these thoughts. I don't mean to be making people feel ridiculous. I'm unpacking the fear by saying, "What is it about that you're afraid of?" Then, "What is it about that that you're afraid of?"
If you do that, you will see that anxiety has very little substance. It has this very thin demand, "Don't get a germ! It'll be awful!" When you start to unpack those messages and look underneath them, there's nothing under there.
Let's look at some more things that anxiety tells you that you have to worry about:
"If you don't do this right, something bad will happen to someone you love."
"If you don't look perfect, he'll break up with you."
"What if I don't make enough money?"
"What if I cut my fingers?"
These kinds of phrases are overwhelming. It's really distracting when the monkey thinks there's a problem. There's no problem.
"What if I cut my fingers?" You didn't cut your fingers, so there's no problem about cutting y…
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Feb 4, 2023
2:1 Lie # 1:“You Have to Know What’s Wrong!”
This episode goes with Chapter 2, Section 1 of _Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!_ In it, I review how anxiety infiltrates your identity and introduce Chapter 2. You’ll learn all anxiety’s tricks and tactics, especially how it lies to your face! Then, we discuss Lie number 1: “You Have to Know What’s Wrong!” You’ll hear:
* What narrative therapy is all about
* 15 common lies that anxiety tells
* Why “you have to know what’s wrong” is a lie
* How the flexibility of a metaphor is more helpful than a label
* The truth about diagnoses
You don’t need to know what’s wrong! Anxiety uses that lie to distract you from healing. After this episode, you will stop doubting yourself and start questioning the validity of anxiety.
The medical model says you need to find out what’s wrong so you can fix it. It posits that when it’s fixed, you can function well again._ But does it really work for mental health?_ It doesn’t. People spend a lot of time trying to figure out what is wrong with themselves and remain unsatisfied with every guess they make, so they spiral into feelings of being out of control. It is a massive distraction from healing. This makes you think that you are the problem and are “damaged goods.” But you are not! You are a person with a problem. Rather than think it is you, know it as what you are feeling and experiencing.
That’s why I personify anxiety and find metaphors much more useful than labels. In this episode, you’ll learn all the words and labels that anxiety hides behind to disempower you, even diagnoses. And then, we are going to give the power back to you!
_“You are not a loser. You are not damaged. You are not a problem. The problem is the problem. You are a person experiencing a problem.” - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: “Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness”
* Blog post and resources
* Get my first book: “You 1 Anxiety 0: Win Your Life Back From Fear and Panic”
* Anxiety-Free Me! Online Anxiety Recovery Program
* Michael White and David Epston “The Pioneers of Narrative Therapy”
* "I'm a mess" video
* What is Narrative Therapy?
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy._ _More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcription
Hey, you're here with Doctor Jodi, and this is season two of "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" This podcast is a teen and young adult guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness. If you're new, here grab a copy of my book "Anxiety...I'm So Done with You!" because this series follows it section by section, going a little bit deeper, giving more examples, and telling more stories. Season 2, which accompanies Chapter 2, details the lies that anxiety, depression, and negative thinking tell you to get you to believe in them. Once you know what they are, you can see them coming a mile away and call them out. That way, they can no longer sucker-punch you with their toxicity. I appreciate your listening, subscribing, and leaving me five stars on Apple podcasts. If I've helped you, kindly spread the word about this book and podcast series. Mental health problems are invisible, so you never know who is struggling around you. Your sharing can make a huge difference in their lives!
We are starting _Chapter 2: I'm Done with Your Lies._ This is Chapter 2, Lie number 1, "You have to know what's wrong!."
But before we dive into that section, let's take a moment to observe.
Take a long deep, cleansing breath. Feel your shoulders drop as you exhale. Feel your face around your mouth relax.
Doesn't that feel good?
Please do it again.
Give yourself kudos for getting this far. Thank yourself for the time that you've invested in yourself. You are amazing.
How's it going so far?
Every episode of this podcast has a blog post that goes with it. It has the transcription of this episode and more resources. At the bottom, there's a comment section where you can tell me what you liked best about Chapter 1.
Reflect for a moment:
What have you noticed about your anxiety?
What have you noticed about your hopefulness?
What do you notice about its intensity?
What do you notice about your negative self-judgments?
We spend so much time trying to avoid our feelings, but when we do that, we can never process them and then get to the other side. Luckily, there's another way. You can witness them.
Witnessing them means you have distance and you're noticing yourself. Instead of feeling inside the chaos of something that you're experiencing... (when you're inside your feelings, you're in panic mode, and you're scrambling to get yourself back in control, and you're not as conscientious in your choice of coping strategies). However, when you witness yourself from outside of your feelings, you can feel your feelings fully and watch them. In watching them, everything changes because your monkey mind is not going, "Oh my gosh! We have to fix this! Oh my gosh! What's this? What's this? And then, we have to do this! And then, we have to do this! So, what if this happens? What if this happens? What if this happens?"
When you're observing, you have distance. You're away from the chaos, looking at it from the outside. You are less in your mind and more in your body. That's why the monkey has very little control. It's not trying to figure it out. You're observing, noticing, and discerning, which is distinctly different from the monkey overthinking (and that makes all the difference).
Now that you're done with Chapter 1, when we demystified anxiety and learned what it is and where it came from, is there more space in your life to breathe?... to think?...to plan?...to look forward to things? What connections have you made since you started this journey? What activities are you reclaiming and bringing back into your life now that you've gotten rid of anxiety?
Anxiety wants you to isolate yourself because when you're isolated, you are more vulnerable. When you're isolated, the negativity in your head gets a life of its own. When you're with other people, you get out of your head. It doesn't start to spiral, making you feel worse and worse and wors…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:8 Managing Anxiety: Interview with Jude
There are many ways to manage anxiety. Some are helpful, others are okay in some contexts, and some are detrimental to you and the people around you. Listen to this interview with my 20-year-old nephew, Jude, to learn the various ways he has been managing anxiety, from when he was very young, during a few years of drug use, and now, through meditation and creativity. You’ll learn:
* The importance of community and belonging
* Various paths to get to the top of the mountain
* Daily practices that sustain well-being
* How diet can affect anxiety
* How some escapes are good escapes
To know Jude is to love him, and I am thrilled to inspire you with his wise words. Have a listen!
_"When I experience anxiety, it's this train that doesn't stop. I go from one thought to the next. And there's a degree of rumination in there for me. I think about something over and over. But it's not something logical, so there's no way to stop it logically. It runs away."_
_-Jude Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness
* Blog post and resources
About your host, Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy. __More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Keywords:
substance use, drug use, managing anxiety, anxiety and substance use, Dr. Jodi Aman, Anxiety I’m So Done With You, anxiety, depression, author, healing, toxic stress, teenager, therapy, therapist, panic attack, happiness, trauma healing, anxiety myths, adolescents, teen, mental health, self-care, happiness habits, brain, feelings, monkey mind, neuroplasticity, emotions,
Jude's own Facebook post from his anniversary:
_Social media is both a blessing and a curse – how beautiful that we are able to connect with each other so instantaneously, to share our thoughts and feelings? And yet, how honestly are we choosing to present them? I’m aware of this as I celebrate an important day in my life – a year sober from drugs and alcohol._
_A year ago, I jumped from the second story of my house onto my neighbors’ driveway, fracturing both of my arms, and three bones in my face. I share this to help disarm (haha) what I think is so dangerous about social media – presenting only the parts of yourself which you want others to see; I spent a great portion of my life avoiding being seen – making efforts to avoid being known as I saw myself.__I have made mistakes, and I will continue to make mistakes._
_That is the nature of being human. But no longer do I care to hide them. Life is too short to spend time worrying about how others view you, something that I often used drugs to try and escape. Coming to terms with the things that make you uncomfortable – jumping into the lake on a cold windy day because that’s what you are asked to do – that is what has made me proud to be where I am today._
_This didn’t happen by my will alone. The support that I’ve received from family and friends has been the most important part of moving forward. They have allowed an environment of love and care to fill me up. It is one, I can recognize, that not everyone is so lucky to have. I would be remiss if I did not thank in particular, my mom and dad, who both helped me to find my way. Additionally, in working with Robert Veeder, I have been able to explore what life is all about (__abetterhigh.org__)._
_The loneliness that can feed any kind of mental illness is something that we should all be acutely aware of. Being able to join communities that I can identify with has been an eye-opening experience for me. And one that has transformed both how I view myself, and the world around me._
_Please feel free to message me if you have any questions or want to know more about the recovery community or what that has been like for me._
_I wish you all a happy 2023._
_Peace & Love_
_Jude Aman_
Transcription of Episode
Jodi: Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "_Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"_ I am so excited about this podcast. It's an accompaniment to my book by the same name, "_Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"_ It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness because that is what we're going to do in the series: We're ditching that freaking toxic stress and hardwiring your brain to generate happiness every day.
This is what you do: You read or listen to a section of the book. Then come on over here and listen to an episode where we're going to go a little bit deeper, give more examples, and tell more stories. I want to provide you with everything you need to be sure that you find your way out of this horrible anxiety cycle so that you no longer have to suffer. Please leave me a five-star review on Apple podcasts. That'll help me get in the ears of more people who need this series. Mental health problems are skyrocketing, especially among teenagers, and this series will change the tide.
Jodi: Welcome to this episode. We have a special treat for you today. This is my nephew Jude.
Jude: Hello
Jodi: I'm going to interview Jude because he's a great representative of Generation Z. We're talking in this season about
* where anxiety comes from
* why we have it so much
* what's going on for us biologically, culturally, and emotionally,
and all the things in this season. It'd be great to hear a story from someone who could relate to what's happening. Jude might ask me some questions, but mostly, I'll ask Jude some questions. So let's get started. anxiety is different for everybody. Everybody has different feelings about it. It works on us all in similar ways, but we think about it differently. We experience it differently. We're upset or afraid of different things. Please give us an introduction to your experience with anxiety.Noticing Anxiety as Unconditional Worry
Jude: I started to notice my anxiety and name it "anxiety," probably around 16 or 17 years old. But as I look back, I can recognize it from the time I was four or five. I have distinct memories of how I perceive anxiety, right? It's kind of like this "unconditional worry." One of the ways that I remember that expressing most frequently was when I was in the car. I can remember being very awa…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:7 The Dang Mental Health Stigma
This episode goes with Chapter 1, Section 7 of _Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!_ In this episode, I address mental health stigma in an attempt to decrease its effects on you, especially since it might be stopping you from getting help. I will talk about the following:
* Why stigma over mental health problems exists
* The problem of self-stigmatizing
* Why you defend your "differences"
* Why you deserve to get help
We all need to work together to dismantle stigma! I share my recommendation on how to eliminate mental health stigma in this episode.
Stigma makes us wait to get help. It’s a feeling of being a failure and a burden of shame for being different. If we were collectively able to normalize our mental health problems, stigma would undoubtedly decrease. Instead of thinking that some people have mental health problems and others don’t, it is helpful to understand that problems come from the context of our lives rather than an illness inside of us.
Understanding stigma and what sustains it will help you to learn ways to decrease it. Don’t let the shame of feeling weak because you have anxiety or depression stop you from getting the help you need and deserve. There are many tools for overcoming anxiety and depression. Medicine is one of the available tools. Counseling is another. Get some tips on how to make those decisions for yourself in the blog post that goes with this episode.
_“Don't defend that you can't. The more you defend that you can't, the more you won't be able to. Remember that Henry Ford quote. "If you think you can or think you can't, you're right." If you constantly defend to people or defend to yourself that you can't do something, you will keep that limitation on your ability.” - _Dr. Jodi Aman
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness
* Blog post and resources
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy. __More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript
Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "_Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"_
I am so excited about this podcast. It accompanies my book by the same name, "_Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"_ It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness, because that is what we're going to do in the series: We're ditching that freaking toxic stress and hardwiring your brain to generate happiness every day.
This is what you do: You read or listen to a section of the book. Then come on over here and listen to an episode where we're going to go a little bit deeper, give more examples, and tell more stories. I want to provide you with everything you need to be sure that you find your way out of this horrible anxiety cycle so that you no longer have to suffer. Please leave me a five-star review on Apple podcasts. That'll help me get in the ears of more people who need this series. Mental health problems are skyrocketing, especially among teenagers, and this series will change the tide.
Welcome to Chapter 1, Section 7: That Dang Stigma.
We are finally at the end of this chapter, where we went over so many different things to help you understand the context of anxiety and depression and anger, and any other emotional issues that might be coming up for you.
In this episode, we're finally going to address this thing called stigma. You probably know what stigma is because you've read about it all over the place and everybody's talking about it on social media, trying to decrease the stigma of mental health problems. Stigma affects you because it is hard to escape, if not explicitly, then implicitly. We are talking about stigma because it is really important to stop it because, among other things that make us feel horrible, stigma prevents us from getting help.
Research says that people wait an average of 11 years to get help. There are other reasons for that, but stigma is significant. People stay suffering because they're afraid to get help, often because they think they got themself into this, so they should be able to get themself out of it.
Those same colonizing ideas, the high expectations, that we discussed in the last episode. You remember those high expectations that we have in this culture, about you being able to handle everything by yourself, get yourself out of all the messes, and cure yourself of everything. It's ridiculous.
Stigma, if you don't know, is defined as "a mark of disgrace." It's shame. You could experience stigma or judgment from other people or yourself. That's you giving yourself shame for what you experienced. Many practitioners use the metaphor of diabetes to help people relieve their stigma, at least the self-stigma. As I explained in this section, there is not only no truth to that metaphor but it is totally unhelpful. They want you to think that this problem is not your fault, that it's something that your body is doing.
However, when you think about your body doing this, and it's not the regular way a body's supposed to do things, then you think of yourself as "different," and this actually increases our stigma. We think that we're different, we think that we can't, we think we have a problem, we don't understand why, and it makes us feel worse. It makes us feel like we don't belong to "regular people." Well, there is no normal, and there are no regular people. Everybody is different, and everybody has their things. But when you're suffering inside your mind, that negativity towards yourself is so huge, and you just feel _different_. It's devastating.
I argue that it would decrease our stigma a lot more if we normalized our mental health problems.
Suppose we see those problems come out of the contexts of our lives. We all experience contexts. We're all in this world, and things happen. Bad things happen, some good things happen, and some benign things happen. Even when things don't happen to us, we witness bad things happening or read about bad things happening. We hear our friends talk about bad things happening to them. These all create a context of heaviness, worry, toxic stress, and feeling like we're out of control. We have a ripe context in this culture for mental health p…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:6 Your Basic Three Fears and What is Underneath Them
This episode goes with Chapter 1, Section 6 of _Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!_ In it, I talk about how our problems are grounded in three basic fears. You’ll learn:
* What those three basic fears are
* How they are related to each other
* How fears affect your mental health
* Why humans desperately want to belong
The three basic fears are beneath all concerns and anxieties we have. I show you how they appear and why, so you can understand why we’re dealing with such anxiety.
The ultimate basic fear is that you’re not loved or not worthy. That fear makes you afraid of rejection and failure. It’s what drives the comparison culture we all find ourselves in. We’re always trying to be the best, to be smart enough or rich enough, to be cool enough. But enough is undefinable, and so, unreachable.
Understanding how to unpack things that upset you is something I walk you through in this episode. Once you understand the root cause of your upsetness, you’ll understand how the Western standards of perfection are plaguing us.
_“It is essential to understand that you don’t have to do anything alone, and you can take care of yourself at the same time. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. In fact, taking care of yourself is taking care of your family and your community. You are not separate from them. Whatever you do for somebody else, you do for yourself, and whatever you do for yourself, you do for somebody else.” - Dr. Jodi Aman_
Resources discussed in this episode:
* Order the Book: Anxiety . . . I'm So Done with You: A Teen's Guide to Ditching Toxic Stress and Hardwiring Your Brain for Happiness
* Blog post and resources
About Dr. Jodi Aman
_Therapist | Author | Spiritual Mentor_
Dr. Jodi Aman is a Leadership and Spiritual Coach who has spent 25 years as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. She earned a Doctorate in Social Work in ’23, focusing on Leadership, Social Justice, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Social Work acknowledges the person in their environment and understands how humans react to situations. Work with Jodi.
_“After 25 years of clinical experience, I feel deep resonance and empathy for the complexities of others’ pain and am compelled to stand against the context of injustice that causes it. Using this keen understanding of how and why people suffer, my unique and varied training, rooted ethics, as well as decades being a trauma-informed psychotherapist, I help sensitive souls release what they don’t want, recover their energetic bandwidth, and grok a socially conscious life of overflowing joy. __More about me.__”_
Her doctorate thesis project addresses the current teen mental health crisis. She is designing a psychoeducational curriculum for improving teen mental health. This program, called COMPASS, will help young people navigate human emotions, giving them the information to understand what is happening and the tools to heal themselves and their communities. If you care about, work with, love, and/or are concerned for teenagers and are worried about the devastating mental health crisis too many of them are living through, you may be interested in my research and plans for this classroom-based, culturally-sensitive curriculum for high school health teachers to facilitate during their mental health units. Watch the video here.
Contact Doctor Jodi:
* Website: jodiaman.com
* TikTok: @doctorjodi
* YouTube: @doctorjodi
* Instagram: @jodiamanlove
Transcript
Hey, you're here with Dr. Jodi, and this is "_Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"_
I am so excited about this podcast. It accompanies my book by the same name, "_Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"_ It's a teen's guide to ditching toxic stress and hardwiring your brain for happiness because that is what we're going to do in the series: We're ditching that freaking toxic stress and hardwiring your brain to generate happiness every day.
This is what you do: You read or listen to a section of the book. Then come on over here and listen to an episode where we're going to go a little bit deeper, give more examples, and tell more stories. I want to provide you with everything you need to be sure that you find your way out of this horrible anxiety cycle so that you no longer have to suffer. Please leave me a five-star review on Apple podcasts. That'll help me get in the ears of more people who need this series. Mental health problems are skyrocketing, especially among teenagers, and this series will change the tide.
Welcome to this episode. We're talking about Chapter 1, Section 6: The Basic Fears. As you've read in this section, there are three basic fears. They are the fear of being trapped, rejection, and failure. These are fears that are underneath all of our problems. That might sound weird. Or, it might have surprised you. Hopefully, I explained in this section how these three basic fears are related. The way they're related is that underneath each of them is the ultimate basic fear: fear that you're not worthy or unloved. This is really important for us as humans because we are social beings. Humans want to belong. If we get any sense that we are unworthy of that belonging, it is devastating to our psyche.
All of our problematic interactions, all of our lost opportunities, all of our struggles, all of our nervousness, all of it, if you unpack it, and you unpack it, it is related to these basic fears and to this ultimate basic fear:The fear of being unloved or unworthy.
That makes sense! We always look at memes on social media to remind ourselves that we are worthy. It's acknowledging that we all relate to these memes because we all feel the same sense of inadequacy. Unfortunately, it is a pervasive feeling in our culture to feel unworthy. It impacts all of us, whether it is conscious or unconscious.
I read this book once, which talks about humans having a shabby self-esteem. And that made me feel so understood. You are not the only one who has a shabby self-esteem. Our self-esteem is negatively impacted by Western culture. In fact, it comes from colonizing culture with all of these high expectations to be good-enough, smart-enough, rich-enough, light-enough, perfect-enough, cool-enough, and kind-enough (Everything has to be "exactly perfect enough"!). But those expectations are completely unrealistic, and you can't achieve them even if you try.
We attach to high expectations in an attempt to prevent us from feeling inferior to others. Unfortunately, they often pressure you to act superior to others WHILE they make you feel inferior, worthless, and inadequate anyway. Also, we don't know how to define or measure these expectations. We don't know how high you have to be to meet them, so we overshoot to ensure we succeed. This is the extent humans are driven to belong. We are attached to belonging because as our brains and psyches developed for millions of years in early humanity, we needed community, or else, we would die out there. _We needed to belong!_ Many times over those millions of years, you'd be rejected by the whole group if one person rejected you. But in modern times, we could be rejected by one person, and we still belong and have other people that are kind to us or nice to us. However, inside us, in our brains, we still have that reaction as if we will die if we're kicked out of the group. I hope you can relate to these basic fears and recognize examples of them in your own life.
We're going to do an exercise together, which is the exercise at the end of this section of the book. I want to do it together to illustrate how it could help you. In the world of business, this is called a Root Cause Analysis. You use it when trying to uncover and figure out a problem where you unpack it to see what caused it.
For this exercise, think of a story that has upset you. Try to think of something recent or get something that's not that too severe to start this process. When you're trying a new practice, I recommend…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:5 The Heartbreak Triggers - Trauma and Anxiety
This episode follows Chapter 1, Section 5: The Heartbreaking Triggers. In this episode,
* We're talking about how trauma triggers your amygdala and how to un-trigger it.
* You'll get the script of what to say to your anxiety.
* We'll practice the script together so you can feel what it's like, to not be scared of it.
* We'll do a little review on how and why anxiety goes away.
I explain where anxiety triggers come from and how you can un-trigger them. Intensely threatening events, called traumas, overwhelm your senses. They spike your adrenaline. They set off your fight or flight response, and they cause you to trigger that response easier the next time. When you identify triggers you no longer need, you can decide to un-trigger them. I’m here to help you do that.
I will give you a script of what to say to your anxiety that acknowledges it, doesn’t fear it, and reclaims your control over your emotions. Then you just repeat this script to override your reptilian brain. Th…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:4 Straightforward Biology of Anxiety, Worries, and Panic
This episode goes with Chapter 1, Section 4 of _Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!_ In it, I go over the biology of anxiety. You’ll learn:
* What anxiety is and what it isn't
* How you should think about it
* How do you know if you have an irrational fear or rational fear
* Why anxiety seems to come out of the blue
* How to stop anxiety in its tracks
I continue to demystify anxiety by explaining its biological roots so you understand how it behaves. This will help you so much.
Anxiety is the leftover fear response when you’re not in physical danger. It’s caused by adrenaline. The biology of anxiety, triggered by the amygdala and adrenaline, can be mapped, and the signals it sends to your brain can be explained. I get right to the heart of how it all works so you can learn what to do about it.
I go over rational and irrational fear, the mammalian brain versus the reptilian brain, and offer two things to do to calm your fear, anxiety, worries, and or panick, in the mom…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:3 Hellish Symptoms of Anxiety, Panic, and Worry
The Hellish Symptoms of Anxiety, Panic, and Worry expands on Chapter 1, Section 3 of “Anxiety...I’m So Done with You!” In this episode, I list the most freaky anxiety symptoms and then explain away the mystery to ease your heart and mind. They can’t scare you when you understand them! Then, you have power over your symptoms, and you will feel in control. If you have freaky symptoms of anxiety, this episode is for you!
Anxiety makes you feel worthless, it isolates you, it affects things that matter to you. The symptoms that accompany it make the fear worse, especially if you don’t exactly know what’s happening. Anxiety is good at scaring the hell out of you, but its symptoms are actually not _for scaring you. _In this episode, I will explain
* The strange anxiety symptoms that really freak you out (both the physical and the mental ones)
* Why they're there, so they're not as scary
* The physical gestures you could do to decrease those symptoms
_“Anxiety is a lefto…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:2 Constant Digital Chatter - How your cell phone disempowers you
This episode follows Chapter 1, Section 2: The Constant Digital Chatter. What you'll learn in this episode is
* How your phone might be making you anxious
* The effects of “comparison culture.”
* The anxiety-provoking secondary trauma
* The impact of commercialism on your mental health
I am continuing to de-mystify anxiety in this episode, and to call it out, we have to look at all the contexts that contribute to you feeling powerless. This means we cannot leave out the increased use of cell phones in the last two decades.
_Don’t worry; I am not saying phones are evil. But the constant 24/7 bombardment of all those messages can do more than entertain and educate. In this episode, I show you how the messages coming at you, make you feel powerless, worthless, and out of control. You are not powerless, worthless, and out of control, but it feels like you are. In this episode, I detail three categories of disempowering messages: 1. You are not enough, 2. The world is a dan…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:1 The Hyper Monkey Mind
This episode is the companion to Chapter 1, Section 1: The Hyper Monkey Mind. In it, you'll learn:
* The huge capacity of the human mind
* What the Monkey Mind is
* Why the Monkey Mind intensifies, magnifies, and worsens your problems
* How to change your negative thinking
* How to stop overthinking by changing your neural pathways
* Why laughter is the best medicine
If your Monkey Mind is wreaking havoc on your life, this episode is for you!
Anxiety is not you AND you can get rid of it. You may have learned skills to calm yourself, but the anxiety keeps coming back. In this episode, I will help you take down anxiety's power, so it stops doing that. How does the monkey mind fit into it? The human mind is a marvelous, enormous thing that is designed to do a lot more than we're doing with it now. I'll show you what to do so that the Monkey Mind (anxiety and negative thoughts) doesn't default to taking over that space.
_By breaking it down and showing you how anxiety works…
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Jan 21, 2023
1:0 My Anxiety Story: Book Introduction
Welcome to "_Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!"_ with Dr. Jodi. This episode goes with the Introduction of the book. In it, you will learn
* The benefits you'll get from reading this book
* Who I am and what I'm all about
* My anxiety story
* The five steps to curing anxiety
* Why you deserve help and how to ask for it
* The four reasons you still have anxiety
* My formula for happiness.
The good news is that your anxiety is curable. I will take you through the five steps I used to overcome my own anxiety, that not only saved my life but helped thousands of my clients get rid of their anxiety.
You will go through all five steps in the book's five chapters. You might wonder, "What if it doesn't work for me?" Yes, it will work for you! There are four reasons why people keep anxiety, and in this episode, I explain them and how you can avoid them. This episode encourages practical tips for your brain, body, and spirit that are safe, doable, tried, and true. If you are ready…
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Nov 24, 2022
Welcome to ‘Anxiety… I’m So Done With You!’
Welcome to "Anxiety… I'm So Done With You!" with me, Dr. Jodi. This podcast series accompanies my book for teens and young adults grappling with anxiety and depression. Together, the book and podcast are a complete guide to (1) ditch the toxic stress in your life and (2) hone the skills to hardwire your brain for happiness. In each episode, you get more clarity, stories, and illustrations that will help you integrate what you read in the book. I got you, boo. As a psychotherapist for 25 years, I have been helping kids, teens, and adults heal from trauma, anxiety, and depression. Now, I'm going to help you, too. If you are looking for practical tools for a robust brain, body, and spirit, this podcast is for you!
In this podcast series, I will demystify anxiety and depression, explaining exactly what they are and how you got them. You'll learn that having anxiety and depression does not mean something is wrong with you. Nope! And no, you don't have to just "learn to live with them." A…
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