Fight For Love
Fight For Love
Jan 26, 2021
58. The Great Sex Rescue with Sheila Wray Gregoire
Play • 48 min

Based on a groundbreaking in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women, Sheila Wray Gregoire's The Great Sex Rescue pulls back the curtain on what is happening in Christian bedrooms and exposes the problematic teachings that wreck sex for so many couples. As a long overdue corrective to church culture, not to mention the typical advice given to wives in porn affected marriages, this book is poised to free thousands of couples from repressive and dissatisfying sex lives so that they can experience the kind of intimacy and wholeness God intended. 
 

The Marriage Podcast for Smart People
The Marriage Podcast for Smart People
Caleb & Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele
Why Is My Spouse So Controlling?
There’s a level of control that occurs in relatively few marriages that we would see as part of an abusive power and control dynamic. But then there’s a lower level of control that doesn’t come from an abusive spouse that can still be frustrating and lead to conflict in the marriage. We’ve talked about the abusive kind of control before, so if you want to learn more about that kind of control feel free to go back to our previous episodes of the podcast to learn more about what that looks like.  Today, we’re talking about the annoying kind of controlling. This is not so much about the spouse’s power and dominance as the controlling spouse’s worry, fear, anxiety, and maybe even mental health issues that are driving this behavior. And sometimes the non-controlling spouse may also be acting in ways that prompt this behavior. If you’re listening to this to try to figure out your spouse, you may ask yourself what your role might be and how might you help your spouse feel less of a need to be in control. Where Control Issues Come From 1. Fear Control issues are often rooted in fear. This is the first place to look. If you’re afraid and you want to make it safer, you’re going to want to control the variables. This is quite a common response to fear. Fear can come from a number of different places. One place fear can come from is trauma. When something very frightening or overwhelming happens, it may cause a person to install certain requirements or demands in order to preserve safety. For example, you’ve been in a late night car accident, and you now want to control all of the family travel so that there’s no late-night travel going on and no one is allowed to go out after dark. So now you’ve become “controlling.” You’ve installed requirements or demands on others in order to preserve your sense of safety and well-being, to stop the horror from repeating itself. Another source of control is abandonment (fear of being left alone). If you were left alone at some point as a child or at a point in your marriage, that may result in the kind of controlling behavior where you don’t let your spouse do things on their own or do certain things on their own. You always have to be there, or you always have to do things together. 2. Betrayal Betrayal may also lead to controlling relationships with certain kinds of people in order to prevent re-betrayal. For example, if in your first marriage you were sexually betrayed by your spouse, in your second marriage you may marry a faithful person, but you exert control on them to make sure that that previous betrayal doesn’t re-occur, much to the frustration of your current spouse. That can get difficult because it can cause such distress in your marriage that there’s an emotional separation, or drifting apart that occurs between you. Thus, controlling behavior can lead to further dysfunction.  In another scenario, if you’re a late teenager and you saw your father gamble away your family’s savings and eventually lose the home, job, etc., that’s a major financial betrayal. And later in life when you are a mom you may think you’re a super budgeter, but there’s actually a ton of control over where every penny goes. So, in this situation if the husband buys a chocolate bar and the wife gets upset and he may get frustrated and say “can I not even buy a chocolate bar without asking your permission?” This is clearly a higher level of control than just a healthy budgeting habit. 3. Mental Health Issues Now that we’ve talked about a few fear-related causes of control, we’re going to move on to look at mental health. Some mental health issues can cause controlling behavior. Take personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Someone with BPD may say if you leave, I’ll hurt myself, or I might not be ok somehow (there’s a clinging aspect of BPD that does relate to fear of abandonment, but it is also a mental health condition and the fear piece is a part of...
23 min
Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE
Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE
Steve Moore & Mark Kastleman
Is it "OK" to "Offend" Your Partner?
In this episode, Mark and Steve address some very poignant questions submitted by a listener: "What do you do when the proof is in the pudding that your partner is a sexual addict but they refuse to acknowledge it?I asked him for a separation at the beginning of Dec hoping that would shake him up a bit …  He has agreed to couples counseling but is "offended" at my suggestion that he has a sex addiction. There have been many discoveries over our 17 years. Is there a way to help him see or are we a lost cause?" -  We have NO control over (and must surrender) another's feelings, even our partner's. -  We tell the truth at any cost! -  The focus in true Intimacy is on Authenticity, NOT on preserving/protecting/enabling unacceptable behaviors. -  LOVE cannot be LOVE if it is robbed of truth! -  FEAR can derail authenticity. -  We CAN help a spouse "see" the reality of their addiction, BUT we cannot force them to recognize it. We can be consistent and bold with boundaries and consequences. We can "hold up a mirror." And, we can love him or her enough to let them be uncomfortable. -  How to use "outside voices" and "other messengers" to help an addict spouse come to a place of vulnerability, acceptance and accountability. Find out more about Steve Moore at:  *Ascension Counseling* Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  *Reclaim Counseling Services** *Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction* *Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction* *Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn
31 min
Marriage After God
Marriage After God
Aaron & Jennifer Smith
6 Tips For Building A Strong Marriage
We want to invite you to take our 31-day Parenting prayer challenge. http://parentingprayerchallenge.com/ Read Transcript ` [Jennifer] Welcome to the Marriage After God Podcast. [Aaron] We're your hosts, I'm Aaron. [Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer. [Aaron] We've been married for 14 years. [Jennifer] And we have five young children. [Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other. [Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together, including our newest book, "Marriage After God," the book that inspired us to start this podcast. [Aaron] "Marriage After God" has a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose. [Jennifer] To reflect his love. [Aaron] To be a light in this world [Jennifer] To work together as a team. [Aaron] Using what He has given us. [Jennifer] To build His kingdom. [Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey. [Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together. [Aaron] This is Marriage After God. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Marriage After God podcast. We're Aaron and Jennifer Smith. [Jennifer] Your hosts, hi. [Aaron] And we're glad to have you, yeah, hi. Jennifer, what's going on in our world right now? Not the world, our world. [Jennifer] We don't have enough time to cover all of that. [Aaron] Exactly, very true. [Jennifer] But our world, meaning you and I. [Aaron] Yes. [Jennifer] What is going on? It's good to be recording again with you. [Aaron] Yes, it is actually. What are you drinking? What did I make you? [Aaron] You made me chai, thank you. [Aaron] It's like the world's best chai. [Jennifer] It's really good. [Aaron] It's Metolius chai. [Jennifer] But when you asked me if I wanted, when I was saying yes, 'cause I thought you were making yourself one and you didn't. [Aaron] No, I made myself a coffee. The chais are good, but the milk messes with my stomach. I can't do it, it's like too much. But I sprinkled some cardamom on the top of there. A little bit of vanilla bean sugar. [Jennifer] It's fancy. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] Thank you. [Aaron] You're welcome. So I just got a quick question for you before we move on, as usual. What's something that has brought you joy this week? [Jennifer] Something that's brought me joy. Well, okay, this was actually really funny. So much joy, I was like, I was laughing about it. I was in the score room with the kids and you know that song ♪ Come thou fount of every blessing ♪ Okay? You know which one I'm talking about? [Aaron] "Come Thou Fount." Is that what it is? [Jennifer] I was just letting you know what song it was, 'cause usually, I'll say a name of a song and you don't know unless I'm singing, you know? [Aaron] Yeah, I know, and you sung it really well. [Jennifer] Thank you. Poor everybody else right now. Anyways, Olive loves to sing and hum and do all of that and so she was, I think she was trying to sing this song, and I could hear her as she's like playing with math tiles and she was saying& ♪ Come old faithful ♪ And I think, 'cause I don't know. [Aaron] That's a good version. [Jennifer] This is so cute. And it made me think of our trip to Yellowstone and seeing Old Faithful, which the kids still bring up that story of being able to see it, you know, shoot out and everything, but she thinks he lyrics are come old faithful. [Aaron] Does she let you correct her? And that like with the character [Jennifer] I didn't, it was too cute. I was just laughing about it. [Aaron] Yeah, she loves to sing and she makes up her own songs. She's like more interested in making up her own songs than she is learning real songs which is great because she's probably been a songwriter. [Jennifer] Yeah. It was really cute. I tried recording it and then I got caught and she didn't like that very much. She said I had to ask her if I was gonna record her. [Aaron] You know, it's funny speaking about that. Our kids are like that from like day one, like Edith, all of our kids. [Jennifer] Are we trying to record something? [Aaron] They're like saying their first words and I'm sneaking the phone up so she doesn't see it. And then she like looks right over at me at the phone and she knows I'm recording and she just won't do it. She just sits there and then like strides to smack the phone out of my hands. It's like our kids now we don't wanna be on social media. Even though we don't ever post these things. [Jennifer] Yeah, it wasn't even for social media. I was just doing it because it was so cute. I thought one day I'll show her show, you know her future husband or someone this, but it's all right, I'll get it one day. [Aaron] You know what? Jesus is our Old Faithful, anyway. [Jennifer] That's true. I should tell her that. [Aaron] It's an accurate portrayal of the son. [Jennifer] When I do correct her I will be sure to add that in. [Aaron] Hey, we just, we love that you're all here. We're excited to be talking about this topic today. Before we move on to the topic I'd like to invite you, if you haven't yet to leave us a review today or a star rating, you could choose whatever amount of stars you want to give us. I often prefer five stars, but that's okay. If you want to do something less, that's fine. But we would love to invite you to give us a star rating and a review. Those are awesome. It helps people find the podcast. It also helps people know what people think of the podcast. And so with that being said, I'd love to read one of the reviews that someone left us and it goes like this. Oh, so I read before I read this, remember how when we first launched this season we talked about the new podcasts the new song we have the interest on. What's funny is this person mentions it. We talked about how catchy it is. He says this podcast has been amazing and highly influential in both my wife and my walk in honoring God with our marriage. Each episode is brought food for thought and encouragement to surrender our pride and give glory to God with our words, actions and thought life. There is humor as well as which is a plus, because some topics can be challenging and a laugh here and there helps lighten hearts while not taking away from the lessons learned or to be learned. Okay, if you're read this much, please help me out. I've been looking for this song "Can't Be Bothered" And only Miranda Lambert song "I Can't Be Bothered" It's coming up. I'm on the edge of going crazy. Who is the artist of this song? He keeps whistling inside of his head, it won't stop. So it worked and that's M Matthew's 51317 that wrote that review. And what's funny is it's not actually a song that's on any like album I think. It's from this like stock music site. [Jennifer] So how does he find it? [Aaron] They can go to artlist.com and look for "Can't Be Bothered" [Jennifer] Okay, hopefully he finds it. [Aaron] Yeah, but it's funny 'cause the song is really catchy, [Jennifer] I didn't know you're going to share this this review that someone left. And I was just thinking, I'm really encouraged to hear that. He says that we, you know spread in a laugh here and there and that it lightens the topic that we're talking about which is good because the topics can be challenging. And I always wondered how people viewed that because I get really insecure or like, I think are they gonna think that I'm taking this too lightly? If I laugh right here. [Aaron] They are not taking this serious enough. [Jennifer] No, but like, I never want to offend anyone that I'm not taking it more seriously than I should especially depending on what we're talking about. So this is encouraging. Thanks for sharing it. [Aaron] All right, so today we'll talk... All right, so today we're-- [Jennifer] I was gonna say, I think you just need a drum roll, hold on. [Aaron] Okay. So today we're talking about six things to build a strong marriage. We hav…
1 hr 5 min
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