The Demetra Gray Show
Demetra Gray
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Voice messages from a friend… where I share what I’ve been learning, talk to people I love, share my own journey and processes, and my thoughts about life.
🌾 Topics include emotions, loss, relationships, bodies, food, home, & nature.
🐚 Stay connected: demetragray.com/newsletter
Available episodes
Newest first
Oldest first
Mar 12, 2023
#74: Stopping sharing my life online & going into a cocoon
For the past decade I have been sharing my life online. All of my thoughts, my processes, my opinions. My entire journey, my travels, my successes and creations and missteps.
This was fueled mostly by my need to express. To be all of me in the world. To say the things that people shied away from saying.
There have been many times I have taken a break from social media. Either because it was deleted and taken away from me, or because I needed to feel myself without it, for a little while.
But there is this feeling that has been coming up for me lately, getting louder and louder and more.. pressing.
And it doesn't have anything to do with social media, not specifically.
I always felt like no matter what happened, I would continue sharing myself. In the same way I had always done.
And... I don't want to anymore.
This episode is a deeper explanation of that to wrap up Season 1.
To read the piece I wrote about it: https://demetragray.com/an-internal-cocoon/
To join my email list (the best place to receive very occasional updates): demetragray.com/newsletter
To join the Circle (where I still teach with my husband): jordangrayconsulting.com/circle
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Mar 6, 2023
#73: 2 years "all in" & what I could have done differently on my food journey
In March 2021, I began what I termed my "food journey," a journey of eating more food and seeing what happened. In June of that year, I went "all in," to heal an eating disorder I realized I had. During this process, I gained 115 lbs, my weight plauteaued for about 9 months, and then I started losing weight, having now lost 50 lbs. I have documented my journey the whole way through, and in this 2 year episode, I share what I wish I did differently and the things I know now that I didn't know then.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/food-journey
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Feb 27, 2023
#72: Everything I am doing for pre-conception time, preparing to get pregnant, who I am working with and what we're thinking about, & the story of traveling back from our trip
As I prepare to get pregnant (hopefully this year) I've been thinking about this time of "pre-conception" that isn't talked about too much, and what it means to intentionally get pregnant in a world that doesn't treat it as sacred as much anymore. I talk about everyone I'm working with and what I'm doing - nutrition, movement, house stuff, clothing, emotional processing, & more.
Links:
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
Food journey article: https://demetragray.com/food-journey/
Nutrition: instagram.com/wildlyonswellness
Homeopathy: instagram.com/theripenedheart
GNM: instagram.com/freyakellet
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Feb 20, 2023
#71: Going to the trampoline park, the differences between Canada and America, our trip to the States, & Jordan’s Ford Truck impression
Jordan and I share about our trip to see my family in the States, how we went to the trampoline park, our competitiveness and funny stories of what happened there, the differences between Canada and America that we both notice and how we relate to being in each country, and how our trip is going.
Links:
Join the Circle: jordangrayconsulting.com/circle
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Feb 13, 2023
#70: Ovulating for the first time in over a year, healing my body, eating while traveling, what I packed for the plane, & resiliency to stress
A little check-in from my car while we are traveling! I’m here with my Mom in South Carolina, and I got my actual period for the first time in almost a year and a half (after bleeding for all that time without cycling). I talk about ovulating for the first time, painful periods, not being afraid of messing up our health, getting ready to have a baby, relationships with family and healing meaning that we don’t get activated, what we packed to eat on the plane, my attitude when having to eat out a bunch and not feeling as great… just a ton of random little updates!
Links:
The Circle (& the healing your relationship to the masculine workshop): jordangrayconsulting.com/circle
New (additional) IG: instagram.com/healingwithmen
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Feb 6, 2023
#69: Letting the Earth hold you, receiving from nature, & stories from my life
Since I was a little girl I have felt a deep connection to the Earth around me, one where I would let the rocks and the trees hold me when I felt sad and was able to communicate with them. I believe we all have this ability, it is our birthright on Earth, and when we soften and open to receiving from the land around us we can be so nourished and trust life so much more deeply. I tell some stories from my life, of moments when I have felt the Earth hold me and why this has been so deeply important.
Links:
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
Join the Circle with me & Jordan: jordangrayconsulting.com/circle
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Jan 30, 2023
#68: Pickup artists, why we’re done with the polarity world, trusting men, differences between men & women, femininity & masculinity in relationship
Jordan & I talk about how the pickup world and how he started his inner work there in his early 20s, how I used to hate men and not trust them and how that changed, how we both got into polarity and how the polarity world is just largely playing out wounding. We also talk about the idea of always being open to sex, bringing our full selves to relationship and what that looks like, men crying in front of women, what is really missing about traditional masculinity and femininity and why that is appealing to so many…. and more!
Links:
Heal Your Relationship to the Masculine / Join the Circle: jordangrayconsulting.com/circle
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Jan 23, 2023
#67: Everything I am buying for decorating our house, what colors I’m painting all the rooms, rug and pillow shopping, & big house update!
My project for the year is renovating & redoing every single room of our home and it has begun! Spending thousands of dollars on pillows, rug shopping, random things about shelving we’re adding, the way the ceiling goes, what I’m thinking about it all, how many decisions go into making a room feel like a home, my color choices, will anything go together? And more.
Links:
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
The Circle: jordangrayconsulting.com/circle
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Jan 16, 2023
#66: How I know when to see a therapist, being able to hold sensation in your body, my journey with therapy and different phases, therapy vs coaching, the importance of having support
I recently hired a somatic therapist, so in this episode I decided to talk about how I know when I need different types of support. I talk about my journey with different types of therapy, how I choose a therapist, therapy and coaching serving different purposes, not spending too much time “fixing” yourself, and what it feels like sensationally in my body when I know I need some more support in moving through what is coming up. Our culture has a lot of emphasis lately on self-sufficiency and I touch on how to know when to hold something yourself and when it’s important to have support.
Links:
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
Join the Circle: jordangrayconsulting.com/circle
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Jan 9, 2023
#65: Difficult conversations & how to have them, being firm & kind, setting boundaries, breaking up with someone, stating your needs, and staying open
A hallmark of maturity is being able to have hard conversations. In this episode I give a few different examples from my own life and break down how exactly I approached each person. I talk about being firm and kind, the perspective to take when having a conversation like this with someone, what to do before and during the conversation to make sure it goes as well as possible, and the importance of telling the truth. I also talk about what happens when we grow up with a lot of good girl conditioning and how we can swing the pendulum to being too intense, and how to find the balance in the center.
Links:
jordangrayconsulting.com/evolutionoflove
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Jan 2, 2023
#64: Praise in relationships, thanking your partner, what if your partner doesn't thank you, how we include this in our marriage, & praise as a valid need
We all need words of affirmation, even if (and sometimes especially when) we don't think we do. Jordan & I talk about how we praise each other in our marriage. For me, gratitude and sharing it out loud was not innate, and I share how I learned it from Jordan and how I relate to it, and Jordan shares how it feels for him. We talk about what to do when your partner is resistant or says "you shouldn't need that." Praise, thanks, and gratitude are some of the best ways to make your relationship stronger and more resilient in the long run.
Links:
Join Evolution of Love & The Circle: https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/evolutionoflove/
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Dec 26, 2022
#63: Choosing a word for the year, what I learned about “wealth” being my word for 2022, navigating the unknown, my relationship with my work and what really matters to me, writing a book, & life playing chess
Every year I choose a word to symbolize the energy and theme of the year. This word isn’t really a conscious choice so much as it is the word that feels most true, what life is asking me to learn about. My word for this year was Wealth, and I talked about what I gained and what I lost, reorienting to what matters most to me and how I will want to have lived when it’s time for me to go. I also touch on how to choose your own word for the year and how to use this as a tool to examine your life.
Join the email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Dec 20, 2022
#62: Christmas lights, lots of snow, the process of writing my book, setting goals for the year, what we do for Christmas, gifts, heat tape, & my 5th grade poem
A big life update! In this episode I talk about what we are doing for Christmastime, all the snow that came here to our little island, how Jordan and I relate to gifts and gift giving, what has changed in our house and how different this winter is than last winter. I also talk quite a bit about how I am writing a book and what that process has been like for me, when I write, what it feels like, and how I have almost 14,000 words already. And I talk about my relationship to writing and share the story of my 5th grade award winning poem.
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Dec 19, 2022
#61: Projection, how we put our wounding onto others, how we create the way we experience the world, & examples of how this shows up in real life
What is projection? This episode explores the way our minds create stories and see the world according to our beliefs about ourselves and about others. I give many examples from my own life with friends, strangers on the internet, and how this shows up in my relationship with my husband. Whether we have a story that something is wrong with us, that people don’t like us, that people think we’re unattractive - all of this will shape the way we show up and experience the world. We often end up creating the thing we are most afraid of in the first place.
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Join the email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Dec 12, 2022
#60: The story of my brother’s accident, how my experience of loss has changed over time, traumatic brain injury, how we respond to loss, thinking long-term, & the beauty of going slowly
When I was 19, my younger brother was in a car accident that left him with a TBI (traumatic brain injury). I tell the story of my experience of this, what that day was like for me, and what Damon’s recovery was like. I also talk about the subsequent years of my life, how I experienced more loss, and what I made that mean. How I grieved and healed my anxiety and learned to feel my emotions effectively. I also talk about tending a fire and thinking of my life in decades and the shift from short-term thinking into long-term.
11 years
the ultimate guide to processing emotions in a healthy way
join my email list here
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Dec 5, 2022
#59: Having partners who don’t meet you, my relationship history, what I had to learn to call in Jordan, when a relationship is not enough, letting love in
When I met Jordan I immediately understood all the reasons I had never had a relationship with someone like him before. I was terrified to be seen so deeply and to be with someone who lived in the world in the same way I did. In this episode I talk through my relationship history, from being called a “slut” in my younger years, my first love and the patterns that continued through my twenties, feeling like I always wanted more and something was wrong with me, and what it felt like to finally choose myself fully. I also talk about the beginning of my relationship with Jordan and the parts that were excruciatingly difficult for me, where I wanted to push him away, and what I needed to shift in order to be really ready.
demetragray.com
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Nov 28, 2022
#58: Sex in long-term relationships, how we handle conflict in our relationship, how our sex has changed over time, starting a family, community in rural areas
Jordan joins me for this episode where we discuss how we handle conflict and our sex life! We break down what conflict looked like at the beginning of our relationship, what it looks like now, and the different philosophies and tools we use so that we have a largely conflict-free relationship. We also talk about our sex life and how we’ve changed from being all about frequent hot sex into caring more about the depth of our sexual connection, and sex being less frequent. We also answer some other questions from listeners, like how we’re thinking about starting a family, homeschooling, and developing community in rural areas.
Links:
New website: demetragray.com
Jordan’s article: https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/101-things-i-love-about-my-wife/
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Nov 21, 2022
#57: Turning 30, taking a bath, nice hotels and trips by myself, a book review, human morality, 4 years of business and shutting my programs down, random life things
Take a bath with me as I contemplate turning 30, my life, and life in general. I talk about being done with spiritually seeking and evolving, 4 years of business and shutting my programs down, razors and shaving, shipping things to Canada, I review the book Verity by Colleen Hoover, talk about reading in general, and a bunch of other random things!
Links:
Article: Turning 30 and the loss of my innocence
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Nov 14, 2022
#56: Colors, painting our home rainbow colors, the western world becoming neutral, personal color palettes, decorating a 120-year-old home
When we first bought this home we fell in love with the uniqueness and character of it. Now that we’ve lived in it for a year we are ready to paint. I was going to go with a more neutral palette… but then I wanted a raspberry living room, and periwinkle doors, and everything has started to fall into place from there. I have been fascinated by color for the last year and a half and I talk through personal color palettes (in terms of fashion), how everything is trending neutral, how the ancient marble statues used to be painted, and how I am letting myself have a fun and cheerful home.
Links:
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Nov 7, 2022
#55: A recap of our last year, what has changed in our new home, how our relationships to our businesses have shifted, letting things be slow, how we really become good at something, & being married
Jordan joins me for this episode to talk about the last year of our lives! We’ve been in our new house for a year now and we share what has been different than we expected. We also talk about learning things over time and the nature of growth, how we are entering yet another new phase of how we relate to our businesses with Jordan making more money and me resting to prepare to get pregnant, how it’s felt to be married for 8 months, the beauty of life, and more.
Links:
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Oct 31, 2022
#54: When to intentionally nourish during eating disorder recovery/ being “all in,” where people get stuck, anxiety, how I fully recovered, & answering questions from a listener
Last week a 23-year-old woman wrote to me to describe where she was at in her own food journey. She had gone “all in,” ate all the things, gained some weight… but was worried that she had messed it up somehow because her brain sometimes still focuses on appearance and she gets stressed about how to choose what to eat. This is a spot I understand deeply from my own journey and so this episode is dedicated to addressing these points for her and for anyone else who receives something from it. Anxiety is super common with eating disorders and we have to be careful about the ways it transfers into the recovery process. And unlike some online coaches like to claim, there does come a point where learning how to intentionally nourish our bodies is important.
Links:
Email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
Food journey: demetragray.com/food-journey/
Nutritionists to follow:
Laura Lyons: @wildlyonswellness
Annika Duden: @iamannikanicole
Jessica Ash: @jessicaashwellness
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Oct 24, 2022
#53: A conversation with my dad about our relationship, how it’s changed over the years, his life and how it impacted his parenting, and how we are all doing the best we can in each moment
My dad and I were like “oil and water” as he says when I was younger. Through trauma in our family and my parents splitting up, I ended up cutting him out of my life entirely for a few months, and we had a rocky relationship for years. Now my dad is one of my favorite people on the planet and we have a really smooth and loving relationship. In this episode he tells some entertaining stories from his life, and we talk about him as a child and him as a parent, the shifts our relationship has gone through and how we both view that differently, and how our relationship healed. There are some really tender moments in here and places where you can hear some of the pain we have caused each other, and also the love that ultimately carried us through it all.
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Oct 17, 2022
#52: Forming new identities, more about habits, when it’s important to question and let go of identities and when it’s important to choose new ones
Walk with me through the forest while I talk about identities. Identities are these labels we try on.. like I am a person who likes this, I am a person who does this, I am a person who is this way, who is valuable because I am this thing. In a lot of my work we question and let go of identities and our attachment to them - but in this episode I talk about why they are also important, and in the context of a grounded human life why we really do get to choose who we are and who we become. I also talk about my own journey through different identities, especially through the lens of various businesses I’ve owned.
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Oct 10, 2022
#51: Eating with the seasons, how I stay ahead on meal planning, the importance of endings, active rest, & autumn transitions
It’s a few weeks into fall (at least here in my part of the world) and life is shifting to match. Humans go through the same cycles as the earth, and even though most of our world lives in an endless summer (eventually leading to burnout), we will feel most at home and most energized in life when we allow ourselves to match the earth around us. I talk about how my cravings are changing with the fall weather, what we’re eating and how I stay ahead with making meals, and moving our bodies this time of year. I also talk about active rest - meaning rest that involves doing something, and how this is helping me. And we talk about letting things die and the importance of endings.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Oct 3, 2022
#50: Structure and routine, going from someone who hates commitment and scheduling to someone who loves it, & what I have learned from being accountable to others
It makes me laugh that I am even writing the title of this episode because I have been so anti- all of this for most of my life that part of me feels like I am betraying myself. Like, what do you mean you are saying structure and routine is good?! But I have gradually been adding in more structure and scheduling into my life and it has been so nourishing and so grounding for me that I want to share it with you. I talk about what it has been like to set my life up in a way where I am accountable to no one, the benefits and drawbacks of that, and why and how I am adding that in now by choice. I also talk about hiring an accountability coach and what it feels like to have people on my team.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Sep 19, 2022
#48: Life transitions, business rebranding, reacting to life, & having approval for everything
I still have Covid so this is another update from my hotel room bed! I talk about what it was like to get sick while away in Pennsylvania, the different transitions that are happening in my life and my business, and the journey of rebranding my business. I also talk about how much energy people typically spend reacting to life and being in opposition to life, and the difference between this and being in acceptance and approval of life. When we are in acceptance we are able to create.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Sep 12, 2022
#47: From our hotel bed - We have Covid, the beauty that emerges from trusting life, & what my family has given me
This is a very short update full of lots of giggles, Jordan & me coughing, and me sharing some tender pieces of life right now. We’ll be back next week with regular episodes!
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Sep 5, 2022
#46: Unexpected travels, the nourishment of grief, being well-resourced, the possibilities of each moment, and how I relate to pain & loss
Jordan and I last minute decided to travel to Pennsylvania, where I grew up, to be with my family. In the span of a couple days we moved our lives here where we will be for the next few weeks at least. My early twenties contained a lot of death and loss and I talk about how I related to it then versus now, being present in each moment, the possibilities in each moment, meeting life fully, being open to life. How life can be when you relate to it as happening “for” you instead of “to” you. How I am taking care of myself in such a time. How to let something crack you open while staying standing and fully resourced. There is so much here.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Aug 29, 2022
#45: Losing weight (unintentionally!), phase 3 of my food/body journey, & what I’ve been uncovering around how I eat
I have started losing weight. Over the last two years I’ve been on a journey with healing orthorexia/eating disorder recovery - which I’ve documented in detail. I gained a bunch of weight, then my weight plateaued… and now my body has started losing some of the weight that it feels safe to lose. I do not care about how much I weigh… And I am also really happy because this is a beautiful signal that my body feels safe. I have not done anything to purposely make this happen. In this episode I talk about this new part of my journey, about how I relate to food now and what pieces I’ve uncovered recently, and what this has been like for me.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
DEW: demetragray.com/dew
CASH: jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash
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Aug 16, 2022
#44: 10 months living in our new home, what we’ve learned, incinerating toilets, gardening, heating, what we love, what’s been hard, & more
Jordan joins me for this episode where we talk together about everything that’s happened here! We recorded a podcast episode back in December about moving from the city to the country when we were about two months in… now we are 8 months further along and so much has changed. We talk about what it’s like to use incinerating toilets, about the woodshed and stove, plumbing, gardening, all the things we’ve updated, and the things we haven’t touched yet and why. It has been so much slower than we imagined and at the same time we’ve also gotten so much done. We also talk about how we each feel about the shift from moving from the city to here, what it’s been like to buy a 120-year-old home, and more.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
DEW: demetragray.com/dew
CASH: jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash
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Aug 2, 2022
#43: A big house update, choosing tiles, installing toilets, my funny dream, traveling, & why having fun is important
This episode is a big update on my life, me just talking about anything that comes to mind - I talk about house things, like having the toilets installed, how I chose the tile for the hearth, all the things I have to do before leaving to travel to the States. I also talk about why it’s so important to have fun in our lives and to not get overly obsessed with “the work.” And I tell the story of a funny dream I had about Jordan, talk about the blueberries in the garden, and a bunch of other random things!
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
DEW: demetragray.com/dew
CASH: jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash
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Aug 2, 2022
#42: Black & white thinking, the nuances of life, & why thinking in greys makes life so much more enjoyable
I used to not let myself laugh at comedians who I considered to be problematic, usually without even watching them first. I was the same with people I followed and books I read. When I learned information about food I was the same - black or white, something was either good or bad, right or wrong. If you enjoyed something bad that meant you were bad. In this episode I break this all apart and talk about my journey into being able to hold multiple things as true at once. I laugh so much more and my life feels just.. peaceful instead of all angsty. Our society is hyper-focused on what is wrong and on having these strong opinions right now and this is an invitation to relax a little and have fun.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
CASH: jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash
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Aug 1, 2022
#41: Resisting routine, having a regular bedtime & wakeup time, & how I now have a morning routine
I used to identify as someone who hated routine and who hated doing anything that had to be the same every day. In this episode I talk about the process of how this has slowly shifted for me, from brushing my teeth to feeding myself to now - having a morning routine. The resistance to this often comes from a childhood where we aren’t taught to take care of ourselves in a loving way. These “tasks” are all an act of self love in the truest sense - but forcing ourselves to do them won’t work either. In this episode I tell you all about how I created my morning routine and why I think I am finally doing it this time.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
DEW: demetragray.com/dew
CASH: jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash
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Jul 27, 2022
#40: Having more than enough, abundance instead of scarcity, & why the recession is not a part of my reality
So many of us are conditioned to need less, to want less. That we are somehow “winning” by surviving less, by having just enough. Minimalism and budgeting and being tighter and tighter energetically. “More than enough” is one of my core teachings. In my world things are ever-expanding, we can always receive more. More than enough food, more than enough clothes, more than enough love, more than enough space, more than enough rest. I also relate this to money and the current recession. More than enough is an orientation to life. It is not about the ego hit of more material things - it is about allowing ourselves to receive all of what life has to offer.
Links:
CASH: jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jul 24, 2022
#39: How my surgery went, intimacy with strangers, & life being sweet
I had surgery this week to remove a polyp in my uterus… and turns out there was no polyp! I talk about the day of the surgery and what it was like for me after. Coming down from anesthesia, the nurses, all the little moments. I also talk about intimacy with strangers and how we are missing this in our current social world… and tell a story of this woman I met in Vietnam.
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jul 14, 2022
#38: My journey expressing myself online, surgery, being afraid of surgery, my body & the house
This is a very tender update of my life right now. I talk about why I share so much of my life publicly, my journey with my connection to life and to the magic of life, how my body has been mirroring our new house. We have clean water now and our toilets will be hooked up soon and so much is moving with the house and I am having surgery next week to remove a polyp in my uterus that I have avoided for many years. I talk about wanting to get pregnant and preparing my body for that and why I feel called to share the way I do.
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jul 10, 2022
#37: The behind-the-scenes details of how Jordan and I have related to money and shared our money throughout our relationship
Jordan and I share all the money details of our relationship! Who we were and how we each related to money when we first started dating, who paid for our first dates, how I owed Jordan over 10k and how we handled that, what happened when I asked Jordan to pay for everything in our relationship, why I started paying for things again, and the shift that’s happened this year into relating to our money as ours together. We also talk about how our ways of relating to money have influenced each other for the better. There are some really beautiful pieces in here too about how we both see money and invest it in our lives. And how we talk about money with one another.
Jordan’s new program CASH begins August 20th and you can sign up here:
jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jul 6, 2022
#36: Money money money money money money money
How much money do you make? Is there a more taboo question in society than that one? Well, it shouldn't be. Because how are we ever supposed to learn about money, know about money, and make more money.. unless we can talk about it openly? In this episode I tell you my money story and how I went from spending all my family money and not being able to make any of my own money to having a 6 figure business. And... I also announce my husband Jordan's new program CASH... and he has made millions more than me so you will want to learn from him!
Links:
CASH: https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/courses/cash/
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jun 23, 2022
#35: Pre-conception time, how I’m calming my nervous system, leaving social justice, expressing yourself fully, & how this affects the body
When we are living off of stress hormones, so much of the body is impacted. In my own journey I am in a place where even though I’m eating and nourishing my body well, because of the amount of time I spend on screens, rushing, and getting so much done (and just thinking about getting so much done!) my body is constantly in fight or flight. I want to get pregnant around the end of next year and so I talk about how I’m calming my nervous system, who I’ve hired, and what I’m doing to support my body into its most fertile & nourished state. I also talk about the freedom that has come from realizing my views and speaking out about gender, leaving social justice and some stories around that, and why it’s so important for us to be able to express ourselves fully.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jun 21, 2022
#34: What is a woman, can a man be a woman, pronouns, & my unfiltered thoughts about gender
For most of my life my thoughts about gender mostly consisted of, you can be whatever you want to be, I don’t care. In this episode I talk about why this has changed for me and how a lot of these beliefs are rooted in misogyny and hatred of the feminine. I discuss why I do not believe men can become women, how this is impacting our children, how we form identities based on our childhoods and trauma, and what happens when we unwind this. To be very clear: I believe that people can express themselves however they’d like, and that they can be sexually attracted to whoever they are… but I no longer believe that a woman can be a man and vice versa.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jun 20, 2022
#33: What if you were a greedy selfish lusty wasteful intense bitch?
It seems to me that most people are constantly doing things to prove to themselves and everyone else around them that they are not the things they do not want to be. I’m not selfish, I’m not wasteful, I’m not fat, I don’t act fat, I’m not problematic, I don’t feel anger, I don’t hurt the planet, I don’t harm animals, I don’t have any bad parts of me, I do the least harm I possibly can.
But the reality is that you live on planet earth. It is my belief that every single thing we see happening in the world is also part of us. There is a greedy selfish lusty wasteful harmful intense bitch inside of you. What would happen if you let her out?
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jun 16, 2022
#32: What working with me looks like & what exactly it is that I “do”
If you’ve spent any amount of time in my spaces or on my website you’ll notice that I am pretty vague about what my different programs entail. This is intentional, because I don’t want you to decide to join from your mind - it should be a deep pull in your body. However… people ask me this a lot so I decided to expand on this a little bit and talk about what it looks like to work with me, what it includes, what my programs are like, and why I run a feminine business. If you’ve been feeling drawn to applying this is a great overview.
Contact: demetra@demetragray.com
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jun 15, 2022
#31: Navigating boundaries with doctors, why I walked out on a massage therapist, & putting the knowing of our bodies first
It is really common to collapse during appointments with doctors or other specialists, to not be able to advocate for ourselves, and to forget that we are actually the ones in charge of our bodies and of the appointment. In this episode I told the story of why I walked out at the beginning of my massage appointment today, the ways I used to show up with doctors and how that has shifted, some examples of the things I've said, the messiness of learning to have boundaries, and what it looks like to put the knowing of your body first.
Links:
Join my email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jun 11, 2022
#30: What happens if you don't listen to Truth? What happens if you have a knowing and don't follow it?
Since we talk a lot about living a life led by Truth, I thought it'd be worth exploring what happens when we do not listen to our deeper knowing. This episode discusses what it looks like to live an unconscious life (which is a perfectly valid choice), how to tell the difference between anxiety and intuition, the ways life adjusts us, and how many possible worlds there are to live in. Ultimately, you get to decide - and there are no wrong decisions.
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jun 9, 2022
#29: Botox, fake faces, beauty, & what we are missing when we choose this way of life
A couple nights ago I asked my Instagram if they would trust someone to coach them who gets Botox. This turned into a very big discussion and I share my thoughts on it here. I talk through altering our bodies, if this can be self-love (hint: I do not think so), where the line is, and most importantly, what we are losing when we choose to fill our faces in this way. I also talk about Mark Zuckerberg, virtual reality & our digital world, manufactured foods, and how all these things relate.
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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May 31, 2022
#28: Internal orgasms, nipple orgasms, how I relate to sex, & sex in my relationship
A big intro to sexual energy and what's possible. I talk about not believing in lube, how people extract from our bodies sexually, how all types of orgasm are possible for everyone (yes, really). There is such a grey area in sex to explore and I talk about how this shows up in my relationship with Jordan. Also how Jordan relates to his sexual energy and works with it as a man.
Links:
TABOO: demetragray.com/offerings
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May 29, 2022
#27: How my seedlings mirror my relationship to myself, my body, & life
There is this beautiful intersection I have noticed between growing plants, our own relationship to our bodies, and the energetic patterns we play out in our lives. In this episode I explore my relationship to this - how I've taken care of plants in the past, what my seedlings currently dying is showing me, and the patterns I am noticing. I also talk about health and energetic and emotional patterns in our relationship to our bodies. And as usual I give all the updates - working with a personal trainer, current events and more!
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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May 24, 2022
#26: A rant about annoying people's comments on the internet & an unfiltered look at my journey with my health and my body
This was originally recorded in video form (you can hear all the birds around me!) while I was going for a walk and was very exasperated with how irritating people's comments have been on my journey with food and my body. In it I also talk about my hormonal health, where I'm at now with food, and people on social media. I think you will enjoy 🤣
Watch this in video form here: https://demetragray.com/a-rant-food-journey/
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May 22, 2022
#25: TABOO & the life-altering freedom of being a bad person
Most people live in the made-up world of other humans where there is right and wrong, good and bad, and where we attach a false sense of morality to everything. In this episode we explore all the little ways you might hold back from being fully you, the energetic cost of that, and how much power it frees up when you are totally in approval of all parts of yourself (and of life). What happens if you let out your killer, your bitch, your whore? What if nothing is off limits?
TABOO - a 3-month journey - begins end of June.
Links mentioned:
demetragray.com/offerings
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May 17, 2022
#24: Moving my body in a feminine-oriented way, returning to "exercise" again after a two year break, unwinding conditioning around exercise
For most of my life, physical movement was about being good at something, becoming good at something, or feeling good about myself. I was an athlete and learned how to detach from my body to get the results I wanted. Over the past two years I've been exploring what movement looks like in a feminine-oriented way: what it means to move for fun, the line between challenging and forcing my body, and letting my body choose. A large part of this involved letting movement go entirely to unwind my patterns around it.
I also talk about what going back to the gym was like for the first time after recovering from an eating disorder and as usual give some updates about our home - getting our well drilled and making butter from raw milk!
Links:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
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May 7, 2022
#23: The vulnerability of hiring help, letting people in, and expanding our lives
Jordan joins me for this episode to talk about how our lives are expanding and we are hiring people to help us. In the past couple months I have hired my first ever assistant for my business, we hired a personal assistant to manage our home, and are ready to hire contractors of all sorts. This is a huge edge for me and I share my process in it, my judgements, and what comes up. We also discuss our childhoods and how we learned to relate to people that we hire.
demetragray.com
demetragray.com/newsletter
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May 3, 2022
#22: Commitment, anti-commitment, freedom, and being married for life
For most of my life I thought that maybe I just wasn't meant to be with anyone long-term. I thought maybe I would be an eternal nomad, moving from place to place, having lots of lovers, or that I should have an open relationship. I valued freedom and I thought freedom meant being uncommitted to anything.
In this episode I take you on my journey from this place into meeting my now-husband. I share my thoughts on the sacredness of marriage and how committing to one person is actually the deepest journey there is. And in all of this, how settling in one place and committing to one person has been the most freeing of all.
Links mentioned in this episode:
* demetragray.com/newsletter
* demetragray.com/offerings
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Apr 18, 2022
#21: Living a life led by Truth
People often want the results of living a truth-oriented life but they sometimes get stuck or feel afraid of what it really asks of them. If you can feel the deeper thing, the part of you that just knows things… this is the part that will guide you into the fullest expression of yourself. Truth is being in alignment with the deep undercurrent of life. This current that grows a plant and keeps your body alive is the same intelligence that will guide your life if you let it. I talk about what this has meant for my own experience and how beautiful things can be if you are willing to listen to it.
demetragray.com
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Apr 10, 2022
#20: We got married! And bought part of a cow, finding local food, what my body craves, and my Instagram getting banned
I talk about getting married a few weeks ago, our wedding, coming down after the wedding, and our honeymoon - also my Instagram getting banned (again), a garden update and how my little seedlings are doing (the ones that exist, anyway), and finding local food. We bought a quarter of a cow today! And this place of finding what my body wants and craves independent of my mind.
Links mentioned:
demetragray.com/offerings
demetragray.com/newsletter
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Mar 12, 2022
#19: The state of the world, how I relate to it, & very real emotions about getting married in two weeks
Everything is uncertain! What a weird time we are in. In this episode I give a full update on what I’m moving through right now - I talk about the Canadian government possibly shutting down my dentist, the importance of just acknowledging how we are feeling about current world events, the acceptance of the human story, how afraid I am of getting married, shadow thoughts about my relationship with Jordan, commitment, our honeymoon, and more.
(this was recorded 3/8/22. BC has since dropped their mask mandate but is still holding tight to v requirements for certain professions.)
demetragray.com/offerings
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Mar 1, 2022
#18: a Transmission on Weight, how our bodies change, & what we make it mean about us
This is the audio from a video I did talking about bodies. "Feeling fat," how weight is so relative, some stories from my own process and how it really has nothing to do with weight gained or lost, why we celebrate weight loss, and how much there truly is to unwind.
BODY: an 8 week journey unwinding food, weight, movement, & sex begins in April
Sign up here: demetragray.com/offerings
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Feb 26, 2022
#17: Our engagement story & emotions around getting married
Jordan and I tell the story of how we got engaged - our individual processes leading up to the proposal, how we felt about getting married when we first started dating, ring shopping, what felt scary, him proposing and how he did it, my freak out afterwards, and what is coming up for us as we get closer to getting married (less than a month!) This is really a super cute episode and is full of laughter and tears.
Links mentioned:
jordananddemetra.com/our-story
demetragray.com
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Feb 7, 2022
#16: Shadow pieces, going down when you need to go down, and me going through my past writing to show you where I was wrong about the feminine
Most people teach about the feminine in a way that is extractive. Using her to perform or to get something. And though it looks flashy it is not true or sustainable. I talk about my own journey with this and even go through some of my past writing to show you where it was distorted. Same with polarity teachings and the performance there - they are used to create an artificial result. I wrote things like “how to ask for things in a feminine way” and “how to be submissive” and “how to be more feminine” and I really break these down. I never say “oh I’m in my feminine” anymore. I also talk about a shadow piece I’ve been moving through and how I am working with it, the way our sex life has shifted, candlelit evenings, and other things!
Links mentioned:
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jan 23, 2022
#15: What is happening in my life lately
I had so much to share during this episode! We decided to get married in a couple months, how we're doing that during the pandemic, our honeymoon... Buying a couch and furnishing our home and what needs to be done... Stumbling upon a protest against the mandates yesterday and how emotional I felt... Food and my body.... Books I have loved lately... Basically just a big life update.
Links mentioned:
demetragray.com/newsletter
demetragray.com/offerings
Books mentioned:
The Man Who Caught the Storm: The Life of Legendary Storm Chaser Tim Samaras by Brantley Hargrove
Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzales
Adrift by Steven Callahan
The Escapist: How One Man Cheated Death on the World's Highest Mountains by Gabriel Filippi
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Jan 15, 2022
#13: How I am thinking about food lately - what I'm buying, cooking, growing, and almost a year into ED recovery
I've landed in this really beautiful spot lately of figuring out how *I* want to eat. Slow food matters to me - while at the same time not being anti-anything. In this episode I talk about everything I am currently thinking about food-wise - from snacks I'm eating, to where I'm buying food and what I'm buying, my next steps around growing food, prepping for any shortages, and most importantly my process around feeling into the truest way for me to eat, independent of anyone else's opinion. I am almost a year into my food journey (also known as All In, or eating disorder recovery), and I'm finally finding myself back toward the middle of the pendulum. This is really me talking about and exploring my philosophy around food. Jordan also pops in at the end to say hello 🤣
demetragray.com
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Jan 11, 2022
#12: Responsibility & caring for our land and home
What does responsibility really mean? When it comes to your desire, your emotions, your life. I have been really noticing this pattern come up where I want someone to save me ("just do it for me!") and I break that down here. I also talk about seeing and caring for our house and our land as beings, starting a garden and how I have no idea what I'm doing ("should I buy 56 packets of seeds??"), our plans for the house and what it needs, responsibility as a whole, and the way Jordan and I are thinking about finances lately. This episode is a blend of the true meaning of responsibility plus what's happening in my life.
Links mentioned:
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jan 5, 2022
#11: How I am navigating the current world events
Vaxxed or unvaxxed? The question everybody keeps asking. In this episode I break down my current choice, how to navigate relationships with other people regardless of your status, and I talk all about my feelings about everything happening in the world right now. How most people are currently reacting from a place of fear and what that looks like. And mostly if you just want to hear someone talk about all of this from a balanced and sane place I totally get it - me too. (there is also some indignation and laughter because it's me!)
To stay connected to me:
demetragray.com/newsletter
More about me & my work:
demetragray.com
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Jan 4, 2022
#10: Starting your own business & the importance of just beginning
I often hear people talk about wanting to start their own businesses. And they seem like they are waiting for some big idea, some big moment to happen where they feel clear and ready. While business is not really a thing I desire to teach about, I have worked for myself for over 7 years - from owning a yoga studio to teaching women how to lift weights online to the business I have now (as a guide on the path of the feminine). So I wanted to bring this in today. You have to be willing to begin and to be with yourself through all the different changes that occur. What it begins as is not what it will turn into.
In this episode you will also hear me talk about bone broth, updates on our home (we have water!) and what my journey has been like!
demetragray.com/offerings
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Dec 31, 2021
#9: What it's like to move from the city to the country: 2 months in
Jordan and I talk about our move to the country two months ago. Composting toilets, freezing pipes, power outages, exactly how rural are we?, and most importantly how we have shifted and grown already in such a short time. There are so many different ways to live a human life and in this episode we discuss why we chose this, how we feel about the way society is going, and what we've realized so far.
**Someone complained about this so I feel like I should tell you - there is a lot of poop talk in this episode *laughing face emoji*
Links mentioned:
demetragray.com/offerings
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Dec 28, 2021
#8: Choosing a word for the year & my process
This episode is probably my favorite one yet. I tell you all about my process in choosing a word for the year (hint: it is probably not what you think).
2022 will be my fourth year in a row of doing this. And I walk you through my 2019, 2020, 2021 words and what showed up in my life as a result. It's the only thing I do consistently to mark each new year and has resulted in such beautiful transformation in my life.
demetragray.com/offerings
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Dec 27, 2021
#7: Giving my human everything she wants
Hi my loves! I took a long break and now I am back. This episode is a big update - where I'm at in my food journey (up around 80-90 lbs or so), moving into our new home in the countryside, pooping in buckets, and how I've been transitioning. And most importantly what I discovered about nourishing my human in addition to the energy coming through.
demetragray.com/offerings
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Jul 8, 2021
#6: Up 53 lbs, orthorexia recovery, going fully All In
June was such a huge month. I think I had been playing at the edge of this for months... but in June I finally went fully All In. No restrictions. A ton of processed foods, fast foods. Listen to me talk about how that has affected my body and what I am noticing - what an amazing journey so far.
Here is the piece that holds all parts of this process: https://demetragray.com/everything-to-do-with-my-food-journey-weight-gain-in-chronological-order/
Join my email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Jun 10, 2021
#5: The Milk Binge & do I have an eating disorder?
This is a highly entertaining episode where I talk about what it is like to be up 33 lbs, my first-ever binge on.. milk, and what happened when I went shopping. It has actually been the most emotional week of this entire journey.
I also talk about identity and the way we relate to our bodies.
If you missed the beginning of this series about my journey with eating a lot more food (going "all in") you can listen to the second episode of this podcast or read some of my writing about it all at demetragray.com.
demetragray.com/newsletter
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May 21, 2021
#4: A deeper update on my weight gain
What it feels like to have gained 26 lbs, buying all new clothes, The Fuck It Diet, what I'm realizing about the restrictive parts of my mind and our culture....
This is the second podcast update about my food journey. For the first one, see episode #2.
Here is the link to the video about how Jordan feels about my weight gain! (Instagram banned Demetra's account so the video about Jordan and weight gain does not have a current link; we will update with the YouTube link in the future)
demetragray.com/newsletter
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May 4, 2021
#3: How I used to hate cooking & now I love it
Okay everybody. In this episode you will hear lots of rain sounds in the background and plane sounds and who knows what else! And in it I talk about my reclamation of cooking - how I thought I hated it and was bad at it, how it's showed up in my relationships, and how much I love it now. I also talk about many different things I've learned and recipes I like to make.
demetragray.com
email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Apr 20, 2021
#2: A new journey of nourishing my body: weight gain, food, & how it feels
A history of my relationship with food, where I’m at right now in my food journey, eating as much as I can throughout the day, organ meats and oysters, eating for my hormones, having so much come up around gaining weight and the emotions behind it. Unintentionally undereating but also how that is subconsciously on purpose, resisting making food and feeding myself. How good it feels to actually eat. I didn’t realize I’d been restricting myself until I tried to eat consistently and then I realized I was starving. Finding Stephanie Buttermore’s journey, being worried about gaining 30 lbs. Being afraid of getting fat and good at controlling myself and how my family talked about fat when I was young.
Related article: https://demetragray.com/food-weight-gain-ice-cream-nourishment/
demetragray.com
email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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Apr 14, 2021
#1: The woman in the nail salon & magical moments of life
Welcome to the first episode of my podcast! In this episode I tell a story from my day about the woman who painted my nails and talk about what happens when we are open to life. When we live from a mind place, it’s missing the deeper pulse of life and the possibilities that can occur. I also tell a story of my birthday in Greece and what happened when a woman pulled me off the street, and when I saw a particular cat.
demetragray.com
email list: demetragray.com/newsletter
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