Confessions of an Aging Ingenue
Jenni Tooley
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Go BTS into my creative life/career as I regain my integrity and create a system that aligns with my values and supports an abundant, healthy lifestyle.
It’s taken me decades to find my way back to me. The journey has been messy, out of control and all of the things I feared. I fear them no more. Take these stories as your own.
Imperfect. Unedited. Uncensored.
Available episodes
Newest first
Oldest first
Jul 12, 2023
Grieving a Dream
Have I told you about the time I held a memorial service for the death of my film?
This episode may sound a little morbid but it's not. It's also a pretty big risk to be this honest, but I'm up for it:)
This one's about grieving a dream so that you can honor it and then make space for the next beautiful thing.
It's about letting go of expectations and honoring reality.
It's about acknowledging and celebrating what you have actually accomplished.
It's about acknowledging and celebrating what you have actually accomplished.
And letting go of what I had hoped would happen for STUCK and its peeps.
Uncensored. Unedited. Just Jenni.
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Jun 28, 2023
How being willing to say "no" to an audition opened up the "respect" door
This one’s about how I started breaking the habit of underrating myself and playing small by saying “no” to an audition, got the role anyway, and was able to negotiate gas and accommodations. How I was scared the whole time I was doing it because I felt like “I was doing something wrong and someone was going to be mad at me”. How my brain plays tricks on me to try to protect me. And how I am slowly overcoming that.
There’s also a lot in here about my experience with SAG-AFTRA “local hire” contracts. The importance of doing a cost benefit on a project before I agree to audition. And the importance of standing for myself without standing against others.
Unedited. Uncensored. Just Jenni.
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Jun 21, 2023
Owning who I am
I’m not a singer. Oh wait…
This one is about the stories we tell ourselves. How they aren’t necessarily reality. And learning to own myself.
A 30 year saga of perfection. Specific definitions. Blocking my own way into rock stardom;)
The saga continues.
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Jun 14, 2023
The unexpected benefits of not freaking out
What do you do when you lose a location at 10pm the night before the shoot? Why cancel the shoot and go to bed of course. What do you do the next day? Go to lunch with a friend and let your co-producer(god) take care of it.
This one's about what I've learned about going with the flow. That freaking out and succumbing to anxiety is rarely the answer. And that God(the Universe, whatever you want to call it) will really do for me what I cannot do for myself.
A nice combo of getting inside the filmmaker's process and good old personal growth.
Unedited. Uncensored. Just Jenni.
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May 31, 2023
Boyhood: behind the red carpet
This one is about Year 9 & 11 of shooting of Boyhood. The surreality and hilarity of being on food stamps while a movie I was in was winning Golden Globes and Oscars. And how comparison kicks my butt.
I’m also talking about the importance of leveraging what you have— even when what you have didn’t get the results you expected.
Unedited. Uncensored. Just Jenni.
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May 24, 2023
Outside the comfort zone in Richard Linklater's Boyhood Pt 1
Of course, this one is in parts- it was a 12-year process! And I am talking about my whole experience!
Part 1 is about my return to the industry, a really unusual audition process, how being myself was the best thing to do, how laying down boundaries really works, and how god challenged every one of my insecurities and knew I would do it anyway because I was in a safe place where I didn’t want to fail.
This one also includes a weather forecast!
If you want to know how Boyhood was made this is a must-listen!
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May 10, 2023
The Power of Being Yourself: How I booked Arlington Road
Never underestimate the power of the cult hit. Never underestimate the power of the bottle cap/seatbelt belt. Never underestimate the power of ease. And never underestimate the power of the ponytail!
What happens when you aren't desperate? You have fun. What happens then? The directors and producers really see you.
And then? And then they book you.
This podcast covers how I got booked on Arlington Road and what I learned from Jeff Bridges, Tim Robbins, and Mark Pellington during the shoot. It also includes some actor's tips and tricks.
Plus a 1990's history lesson!
It's full of all kinds of twists and turns. Whether you are in the industry or not there's something here for you!
And if you haven't seen the movie totally do it! It's on Amazon and a whole host of streaming services!
Unedited. Uncensored. Just Jenni.
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May 3, 2023
Bottle Rocket: 3rd time's a charm!
Have I told you about the time I booked a little movie called Bottle Rocket? For all you moviephiles out there here's the inside scoop...and you may be surprised!
This one is also about trusting that I will always be where I need to be--even when things are out of my control. And judging myself harshly about something that might have actually benefitted me.
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Apr 24, 2023
An actor's process: how much do you give?
In this episode I am answering a question posed to me by one of my Patreon Patrons: Steven!
"How much of yourself, your own personality and character, is presented in Frannie?" Great question! Answered here!
I also talk about how my perceptions create my real world, what putting "myself" into roles when I was young cost me, and the technique I use today to create characters so that I can embody them authentically without putting myself into a dark place.
A nice combo of getting inside the actor's process and good old personal growth.
Unedited. Uncensored. Just Jenni.
Do you have questions or topics for the podcast?
Email me at jenni@jennitooley.com!
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Apr 19, 2023
Art and Sales in the Indie Film World
Salesperson? Yes! That's me! Let me hustle up a little something here....
To some extent every filmmaker is a salesperson for their film at some point. Coming from a background where salespeople were considered the root of all evil, taking on this role has been particularly challenging and life-affirming.
In this episode I talk about what happens after the movie is "done", where I am at with re-strategizing the plan for STUCK, and how I am re-training my brain so that I don't set my success metrics so I high that I am a constant failure no matter what I do.
There ain't no map folks!
*STUCK is my first feature film as a visionary tiny budget indie
filmmaker. It can be streamed on platforms around the world including Prime, Apple TV+, Alice Movies on Xumo and Tubi TV.
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Apr 5, 2023
The Gen-X Deception
This one is a little all over the place as it's dealing with something I'm still working out myself: Being a woman. Particularly being a woman in what has predominantly been a male-dominated industry.
Yep. I've done a lot of crazy-a**-sh** in my life and am seen as independent and adventurous. The Gen-X generation looked like it was "no holds barred" for us girls- but looks can be deceiving. I had no idea until recently how much energy I was having to use to fight against the core beliefs that "I couldn't do it" nor was "I allowed to do it". I am finally getting a glimpse of the big ole rock I've been pushing uphill when it comes to convincing people that a woman-- particularly a pretty blonde one- can get sh** done!
PS: this is not an us against them rant. Just an acknowledgement of how I am coming to understand a shifting reality. My dude collaborators rock!!!
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Mar 30, 2023
How rejection got my first feature film produced
In this Vintage 2019 Episode I'm coming at you from the Women Texas Film Festival of STUCK*!
This episode is all about how I ended up fundraising for STUCK in spite of all the "no's" and "you can't possibly make this happens". It's about resilience, adaptation, and listening to your intuition- and following through on what you hear.
Did you know that I applied for an Austin Film Society grant 3 years in a row during various stages of STUCK's process and was rejected every time??? Yep! Thank you AFS-- and other granting orgs-- for those rejections. It really galvanized me and made me think more creatively about how to get where we needed to go.
Letting go of the power that the big orgs that "we should go to get money" or be a part of has helped me realize how powerful we actually are when we are doing the right things for who we are.
Unedited. Uncensored. Just Jenni.
*STUCK is my first feature film as a visionary tiny budget indie filmmaker. It can be streamed on platfor…
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Mar 22, 2023
What if I had decided I couldn't?
When I started out on STUCK* I never dreamed that I would wear so many hats...I was writer, director, producer, actor, editor, and singer/songwriter. Wow! that was a mouthful! In this episode I talk about how I ended up doing so many things on the film and what it took for me to believe that I could do them. (I still have a hard time owning them all! )
*STUCK is my first feature film as a visionary tiny budget indie filmmaker. It can be streamed on platforms around the world including Prime, Apple TV+, and Tubi TV.
Uncensored. Unedited. Just Jenni.
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Mar 15, 2023
Taking on God as a Co-Producer
The practicality of filmmaking combined with living a spiritual life is what you'll hear here.
Wait a second did you say God? Yes!
Once it became clear to me that no other human co-producer was going to be standing by my side through the whole process of making STUCK* I realized I better get God, Higher Power, The Universe, whatever you want to call it on board. And boy am I glad I did!
How did I stay so remarkably calm through the making of a semi-experimental feature film on a budget of $50K? I knew my co-producer was hard at work taking care of things even when I couldn't see what was going to happen:)
*STUCK is my first feature film as a visionary tiny budget indie filmmaker. It can be streamed on platforms around the world including Prime, Apple TV+, and Tubi TV.
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Mar 8, 2023
Let's go to Las Vegas and make a movie!
Season 1 is all about STUCK*! This episode takes us back to 2005 when I went to Las Vegas to shoot STUCK: LeeAnn. My first ever filmmaker experience and I decided to do it in a city where I knew two people. Sounds like me!
Who is LeeAnn you may ask? And why did you go to Las Vegas to shoot it? You'll have to take a listen. It's all about jumping in with no fear, looking for the miracles, and listening to that gut.
Uncensored. Unedited. Just Jenni.
PS: My cats Sunny and Toast were kittens at the time of this recording- you'll here them in the background!
*STUCK is my first feature film as a visionary tiny budget indie filmmaker. It can be streamed on platforms around the world including Prime, Apple TV+, and Tubi TV.
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Mar 1, 2023
It begins: The Birth and Rebirth of STUCK
We're starting with STUCK* stories in this vintage 2019 episode of "Have I Told You About the Time".
In episode 1, we hopscotch the timeline from 2001 to 2021 as I dream big, fail big, feel small, doubt myself, and finally follow my intuition on a project that took me 20 years to manifest.
Uncensored. Unedited. Just Jenni.
*STUCK is my first feature film as a visionary tiny budget indie filmmaker. It can be streamed on platforms around the world including Prime, Apple TV+, and Tubi TV.
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Oct 17, 2022
Have I told you about the time I started a podcast?
Soon I will have done it all!
* Made an indie feature film- yep!
* Played alongside Ethan Hawke in a Golden Globe Winner- yep!
* Wrote & produced music for a film- yep!
* Started a 55-gallon freshwater tropical fish aquarium- yep!
* Visited Russia- yep!
* Wore a teeny-bikini while surfing in Costa Rica- yep!
* Moved to a new town- sight unseen- yep!
* Found myself in the rooms of Al-Anon-yep!
* Got to be backstage at ACL- yep!
* Made friends with a 5-year-old...twice-yep!
* Restarted my life...once...twice...three times...yep!yep!yep!
Oh, so many stories from all areas of life! Can't wait to share them with you! Here we go!
Want more goodness? Make your Mondays magical with my A'Musing Mondays emails!
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