Sacred by Design
Regeneration Ministries
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We’re diving deep into topics like desire, sexual integrity, relational healing, and so much more. Get ready for honest, safe conversations with women, about women. Together let's do the important work of connecting your sexual struggle to your story to God. Your sexuality is, in fact, Sacred by Design
Available episodes
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Mar 7, 2023
Help for Hurting Parents
Try allowing this statement to marinate in your heart for a moment: “God is writing a story for your child that you wouldn’t write.”
Being a mom is a tough job.
Listen in while two moms talk about loving children well. We are with you in NOT underestimating the hurt. Help for Hurting Parents.
And we want to encourage you to NOT underestimate the hope. And if you aren’t a mom, stay with us and hear how the conversation can be applied to the meaningful relationships in your life.
(Make sure to listen at the end for a prayer over you.)
*Highlights:
*Parenting Principles
* Predictable – There are predictable stages we will go through as parents raising children. Let that knowledge be a comfort.
* Priority – A parent’s priority is loving well.
* Relationship – The most important thing you can bring to your relationship with your child is your own deepening relationship with Christ.
* Prayer – Don’t underestimate the power of prayer. Instead of praying to fix or change a situation or your child, pray in order to reflect God.
* Examine – A healthy and holy look at our hearts and our souls is essential, but it’s also essential to do it accurately
* Surrender – Our children need a Savior and we are not Him.
* Self-Care – You need to tend to your own needs too.
* Present – Live in the present moment.
Phrases that Rob Your Present: If only & What If
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Feb 21, 2023
Wired for Friendship
Friendship is fun and discouraging and vulnerable and wonderful and hard. Part of your sacred design is a calling for friendship. You are hard-wired for connection. So, we’re devoting this time to both acknowledge the difficulty in friendship and explore the fullness it holds. Friendship offers a type of love that comes alongside you. We hope you hear *and* see enthusiasm and encouragement in this episode just for you.
*Highlights:*
A simple question, whatever season we’re in, is where is God calling you to be more known? Look around and notice where God is calling you to be more known.
*Steps towards Friendship*:
Pray for God to surround you with good friends
Take inventory of yourself - what do you like?
Stay Positive
Be Encouraged
*Questions for Meaningful Conversation:
*-Where are you finding rest right now?
-What’s making you feel alive lately?
-What’s saving your life right now?
-What sounds fun to you?
God gives us this picture within Himself - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - of community. God within himself embodies community. And we are made out of His love for connection, we are designed for friendship with God. He’s instilled that in us.
“Triune God, you are as deep a mystery as the sea, in whom the more I seek, the more I find; and the more I find, the more I seek. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit with the light of understanding I have tasted and seen the depths of your mystery and the beauty of your creation. In seeing myself in you, I have seen that I will become like you. O eternal Father, from your power and your wisdom clearly you have given to me a share of that wisdom which belongs to your Only-begotten Son. And truly has the Holy Spirit, who proceeds from you, Father and Son, given to me the desire to love you.” - Catherine of Siena
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Feb 7, 2023
Step Out of the Shame Game
Maybe you’ve been on a roll. When it comes to your sexual addiction, maybe you have hit a level of sobriety and then… it all falls apart.
OK.
So, now what?
First, if you’re struggling with an addiction like compulsive masturbation or hookups, please know you’re not alone. And then stick with us to see how to step out of the shame game and into the life Jesus is calling you towards.
Listen in as Kyle walks us through a scripture meditation full of grace and truth just for you.
*Highlights:
*This is hard work "The way to relieve the first layer of shame. Because shame can come in layers. Think the first layer is to acknowledge that this is hard. And that doesn’t make you less of a christian because it’s hard."
You’re going to be tempted just like any other human being is tempted.
* Acknowledge this is Hard Work
* Be Honest about Your Longings
* Find Someone You Can Trust
* Take Inventory
* Bring this to Jesus - He doesn’t want you to do the work alone
Emergency Preparedness Plan:
* Have Someone to Call
* Have a Scripture Posted in Key Places
* Have a Worship Playlist
"what’s happening in your life? What happened in the last 24 hours? Or maybe you have to look at the last 7 days. What’s happening inside? Because those can be clues that you realize - Oh, if I have a stressful day this is where I’m going to go. Or if you think you’re going to have a stressful day, this is how you’re going to respond. This is ultimately a response to something. You’re not just doing this because this is what you do. Because your heart is telling you something."
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Jan 24, 2023
Your Voice in the Bedroom
Maybe this is Step One for you today. Maybe even just listening to us talk about desire, pleasure, wanting is your first step towards sexual wholeness.
We pray it is.
Join us as we explore more of our sacred design through the lens of desire. Let’s focus the lens a bit more on what Low Desire is, what it feels like, and how to understand it.
Please be aware that you may want to protect little ones ears as well as your listening space for the content we’ll cover today.
*Highlights:
*You may feel ambivalent about your wants and desires. You are not alone. Many of us have turned off our “wanter” because our needs as a child were not met, were not recognized. And so you may have trouble naming or feeling a desire.
“Many of us have a truckload of unmet desires in the basement of our heart.” Jay Stringer
We may dismiss desire by saying, “I don’t have it. I don’t have it like he does or she does. Will I ever be desired? Am I desirable? I didn’t get affection at home. Vulnerability wasn’t accepted. I don’t want to want.” These are truthful statements to say and then pray through.
Be compassionate to yourself. There is a story that connects desire, lack of desire, too much desire. It’s ok to pause and take a look and connect some of the dots in your life.
Arousal cycles: Know your cycle, be patient with yourself.
Give yourself permission to talk about sex, pleasure, desire.
When desire feels “low” to you, consider getting back to basics: How are you taking care of your body? How are you talking to it? How are you feeling? Are you being harsh or condemning?
Our bodies are complex. As we come to understand our bodies, we try not to shame our bodies.
“I deserve as much sexual pleasure as I can have and I’m worth the time it takes. I might need a back rub or I might just need to take a break but I can ask for this. I matter.” Charity of Restored2More
*Homework: Some Questions to Consider
*What do you like?
What do you want?
What do you wish could be different?
Do you know what you like?
Can sex be a more comfortable conversation for us? That’s our hope
Deeply courageous conversations may feel awkward and uncomfortable
What are your feelings about desire?
What is your relationship with desire?
Does the word Desire spark a feeling in you?
If so, can you name it?
*LINKS*
Jay Stringer
Dr. Jennifer Degler
WHAT WOMEN WISH MEN KNEW ABOUT WOMEN’S SEXUALITY
WHAT WOMEN WISH WOMEN KNEW ABOUT WOMEN’S SEXUALITY
Restored 2 More
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Jan 10, 2023
Codependency 101
Grab a cup of tea and take a deep breath. Hold the cup in your hands and let its warmth travel through you as you listen.
We’re unpacking a big word for you on this episode: Codependency.
As you’re listening and maybe begin to recognize things in your own story, be gentle, be curious, be kind.
This is a complicated topic. So, we’ll explore it carefully through the lens of story.
Codependency can often be traced back to childhood, linking to your relationships with your mom or dad.
What you learned to believe about you and your relationship to others back then is having an impact on your relationships now. The hard truth is we can return to what’s familiar, even if it’s bad for us, when we’ve grown up in dysfunction.
So, let’s learn what Codependency can look like and how to grow through it.
Recovery is true and possible. Your inherent dignity and honor is sacred by design.
*Highlights:*
Codependency is when a person has a serious lack of self-understanding and/or self-acceptance. They look to others to fill that void and to make them worthwhile.
What Codependency can look like:
If another person needs you, you feel like you have a purpose.
You are desperately needing approval from others.
You’re frustrated if you can’t make others happy, if you can’t fix them.
And you forget yourself and your needs.
Codependency is traced back to childhood, often linked to relationships with parents/care-givers.
Truth: Recovery is true and possible.
Story is a powerful teacher. Know your story. Get in touch with your story. Write it out. Talk to somebody about your story and you’ll be able to connect some of the dots.
Once you get that awareness from your story work, it explains so much.
We all have 4 basic needs: to be seen, soothed, safe and secure. If you were missing those as a child, name the need. This is just saying, Recognizing those needs and where they weren’t met is empowering.
There is a lot of re-parenting that goes on here with our own selves to our younger selves. And allowing God to be the perfect parent to re-parent us. There’s a lot of re-parenting that goes on in codependency.
We return to what’s familiar, even if it’s bad for us when we grow up in dysfunction.
If you’re unable to express your feelings and your needs, then you’re just like, “Whatever you need. Whatever you want, take it.” And it is sexualized in ways that are very interesting. We don’t know what else to do. And others can respond to sexual offerings.
*Questions to Journal: *Be gentle with yourself here.
Who did God create me to be?
Before the world told me who I was, who am I?
How might God want me to live my life?
How might God want to live my life with me?
How do I look to God for what only He can give me?
How could I allow God to heal me and to begin the process of wholeness?
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Dec 27, 2022
Toxic Mommy & Me
As a little girl, in what ways was your mom NOT who you needed her to be? You're probably feeling a reaction to this question in your gut.
Whether your reflex is to protect your mom with excuses or you're ready to lash out; you're in the right place.
We invite you to listen while we explore the mother wound. Lets define the pain with an understanding that is less about blaming your mom and more about naming the hurt.
Identifying a mother wound is to name the wounding so you can move through it towards healing.
Lets get started.
*Highlights:*
You might come into therapy or coaching saying, here are all these symptoms i'm having. Here are all these ways the pain is coming out sideways. And, hopefully, with a good coach or therapist we can go to the sources of the hurt and find some deeper healing that is waiting for us there.
Where was your mom not who you needed her to be as a kid: whether that it being emotionally checked out, even towards neglected? Whether that's from being overbearing and strict, more authoritarian, all the way to abusive? Where were there some ways your mom was not who you needed her to be?
Not connecting as a little girl can turn into difficulty not connecting as a woman.
And there may be some truth to it as well - that she did do the best she could. And, we can say that with that honor and honesty and still be able to acknowledge that there was some hurt there.
By naming some of these wounds, we can honor ourselves.
Identifying a mother wound is not to say, my mom is bad. Identifying a mother wound is to name the wounding and then to move through it towards healing.
When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers. - Henri Nouwen
Grief and anger are necessary and uncomfortable but they're okay. There's a place for them here in this process.
We have this literal picture of Christ as our wounded healer who fell a couple times on the way, who needed help to carry a cross that was heavy, that was hard. We see him and we can look to him through this too. To look at our humanness, our moms humanness.. We have Christ to look at as our wounded healer in his humanness.
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Dec 13, 2022
Redefining Sexual Freedom
In your heart, what do you believe freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors looks like, feels like?
In this episode of Sacred by Design, we'll unpack the many-layered gift of true freedom.
God sees you and loves you, right where you are.
He is inviting you to freedom of immeasurably more than just staying within practical boundaries.
Together, lets redefine freedom.
*Highlights:
*
Accept the process: we know that god can come in and instantaneously remove whatever the struggle is. And, that's what makes it so much harder to accept that it might be a process and it might look differently than what god thinks.
Grieve: take the time to be sad that the process looks different, that freedom wont happen overnight. It isn't gods intention for us to suffer through sin but because of this fallen world, there are some things were going to suffer through. We are experiencing things that the lord did not intend for us to experience.
We have an enemy who wants us to think that god is after perfection.
Listen for the enemy's voice: see, you cant even make it a week. Whats wrong with you? You're not a good christian. You did all this stuff and its not even working. And then, the voice shifts some more and says, you know what, this is probably who you really are. So why are you fighting it? Or hey, its okay if you do this again.
Perfection is not freedom.
Freedom is not only the absence of your unwanted sexual behavior but its the presence of Jesus in his power in your life.
Remember: sanctification is a process.
The fruit of the spirit is self-control. So, when you are allowing the presence of Jesus to be with you then the spirit within you is the one who will help you with the self-control.
Romans 6:22 but now, having been set free from sin and having been enslaved to god; you have your fruit leading to sanctification and its end is eternal life.
True freedom: you have matured in a way that you have the proper response when temptation comes - not that you don't have to deal with it anymore but that because you have connected yourself to Christ and allowed him into these spaces.
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Nov 29, 2022
Power of Community
You were never meant to be alone.
If you find yourself alone because no one seems to understand or because you can’t imagine sharing your struggle; listen in.
We’re exploring the need we all carry for community.
There is power within a circle of safety and good listening. And you deserve it.
Maybe you’ve found community and been hurt within it.
This is for you too.
*Highlights:
*Pain alone is awful. Pain together is bearable.
Healing from Trauma requires intimacy because intimacy is where the trauma happened. – Curt Thompson
Maybe you’re thinking, “There’s nobody else like this. There’s nobody else feeling this like me. There’s nobody else doing the things I do.” So, let’s talk about shame for a bit because we all need community. But, I think that no matter your struggle – whether it’s porn or hooking up or if it’s anger with God- don’t let shame tell you that you don’t belong in community, that you don’t deserve community, that you should be alone.
Maybe the first time you go to a community group, you just listen. That’s great. You’re showing up, you’re listening. And that’s a big step.
Phiippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. v14 Even so, you have done well to *share* in my present difficulty.
Prayer for Community:
Hands open to ask God to fill them with community.
Hand to your heart to name the pain of your disappointment or sorrow.
Hand to your belly to acknowledge the hunger to be seen and heard.
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Nov 15, 2022
What's Your Story?
You have a story. And, your story holds power.
Once you unlock the truth written in your story, you could unlock yourself from cycles of bad habits, bad relationships, and more. If this idea feels overwhelming, listen in as we take the process one line at a time, one chapter at a time.
So, what is your story? Grab a pen and paper. Take a deep breath.
And, let’s begin.
*Highlights:
*“One of the bravest things we can do is tell our stories, own our stories and love ourselves through it.” - Brené Brown
Emotionally, spiritually, it’s really unhealthy for us to be living disconnected from what’s true and real about our past and our present.
One of the beautiful things that happens in those places that God reveals to us is they become strengths. When God gets involved with what wounded us and hurt us, He begins to heal us. He also makes it a strength that we can pay forward and impart to others. That’s such a beautiful thing He does.
“*The limits of my language mean the limits of my world*.” – Ludwig Wittgenstein, Philosopher
When you consider spiritual coaching, journaling, or a conversation with a friend, your words feel limited; what a gift to be able to sit with somebody who might have another word to offer you to add to your story, or to build on it or unpack it a little bit more. And to ask good questions. Questions that give you freedom to answer with more than just yes or no, that encourage you to be curious and encourage you to feel safe being curious.
When you get in touch with loving that younger self, you have a current, present love for yourself too.
Powerful Principle: What we fill our minds with creates our thoughts, our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings determine our behavior.
*Story Work Ideas for You*:
Ask God to be with you as you reflect on things that you believe about your story.
What are some things that you might believe that are not true about yourself?
Think back on being a little child, things that happened that you might have adapted a belief about.
You might even believe you have a bad story or no story.
You might believe that you’re not acceptable if you don’t always get things right or that you’re not lovable if you don’t please people all the time.
Just ask God,
“What am I believing?”
“God, what is true?”
Take some deep breaths and listen.
Take time to write down a couple of things that God wants you to know are true.
Work with a small, close circle of friends in this exercise.
Begin to write out what feels logical, significant seasons of your life by age? By school
Remember Key events, memories, people
Then tell your friends and listen to their stories.
Use the microphone in your Notes app and record yourself telling a story or memory. Play it back and listen for what you needed, for what you believe to be true about yourself because of that reflection.
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Nov 1, 2022
Rethinking “THE” Talk
“The talk.” These two small words hold big power!
If you’ve been putting off having the sex talk with your kids because it feels overwhelming; we’re easing the load things up for you.
What if you could break apart the rehearsed, rushed monologue into a sprinkling of smaller question & answer sessions?
If you just felt your shoulders relax, you’re in the right place.
On this episode of “Sacred by Design,” Rebecca and Andrea set out new ways to talk about sex, sexuality, our bodies and more minus the limitations of one loaded lecture.
*Highlights:*
We want to be some of the first people in our kids' lives to talk to them about things starting with where they’re at, even at a young age.
You can always come back to it. If you say something and then you think more about it, or you want to say more, clarify more; you can always come back to that conversation with your kid. Take the pressure off yourself there too. That it’s not a “one shot & you’re done” deal. Thankfully. You can come back and add more and continue having rich conversations.
We want to encourage you to slow it down, take a breath. If your kid just asked you a question, that’s already a win that they’re coming to you with the question. That's so good. That is such a gift.
And it also helps to clarify what the kid is really asking. VERY GOOD. Because, in your adult brain you’ll connect those dots and skip ahead but asking and thinking where is my kid. Then asking, what do they think about that? What do they know about that? Just to get a sense of what they are really asking for.
Truly, how we talk about these things matters. If we are talking from a place of fear and shame, you will communicate fear and shame. So, before even approaching our kids, can we give ourselves a little bit of a talk?
We want to talk about sex and marriage but our kids might stay single. They may not get married. So, even using that in our language - “if you get married,” not saying “when.” And, that’s so subtle but what that communicates to our kids is to talk more about the fullness and the goodness that they have. That impacts their sexuality, their future discernments but it’s not limited to just this one place in life either.
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Oct 18, 2022
More than Same-Sex Attracted
If you’re a woman who loves Jesus and you find yourself attracted to other women, reconciling your “identity” may feel impossible.
The world we live in reduces who we are to the smallest sliver of our sexuality. But there’s so much more to you than being a lesbian or straight or a Christian or not.
Take some time with us to stop hiding or defining yourself. For now, set aside the condemnation you might be hearing (or assuming) and just listen for the calling.
Your identity is Sacred by Design - fuller and deeper than you may realize.
Let’s begin with a story…
*Highlights*
Part of Kyle’s story: “The Lord brought me to a place where I could understand His truth. And, I didn’t feel condemned by it. It was like, “I have something so much better for you. And life will be so much better and fuller for you. And, I noticed there was a change in my heart in that. And, so then I had this thing where I wanted to follow Christ.”
“It feels like here’s this huge part…
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Oct 4, 2022
He’s Cheating. Now What?
Everything changed with a ding, with a click on a tab; that’s all it took to discover the man you love has been cheating on you.
Now what?
That’s just one of the questions we’ll walk through on this episode of “Sacred by Design.”
Anne joins Andrea to discuss the ways infidelity leaves you with more than just a broken heart. Together, let’s Learn to name the symptoms your body is experiencing, to give words to the screaming questions in your head, to validate your response to a devastating discovery.
This is a heavy episode. Grab a cup of cold water and take a deep breath.
Let’s begin.
*Highlights*
D-Day is also known as Discovery Day: You’re caught off guard. You didn’t know there was something going on with somebody. And then you start connecting the dots and panic sets in.
Name what your body is feeling. Symptoms may include: confusion, irritability, headaches, lack of appetite, intrusive thoughts. This can be expected. You think your life looks one way and…
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Sep 20, 2022
3 Myths We Believed About the Purity Culture
If you grew up in the “Purity Culture,” there is work to be UN-done. Teens growing up in this powerful subculture of the church were taught about sex through deep shame and tight restrictions.
Words like Clean and Dirty reduced sexuality as something to say “no” to, but, there is more. Let’s bust through some of the myths purity culture taught, while trying to catch a glimpse of the much wider vision God has for us as women.
Let’s move away from being scared of our design, desires and body in order to embrace our sexuality for what it is; Sacred By Design.
(In each episode, we’ll be incorporating a Spiritual Practice. In this episode, we’ll be naming some ways Purity Culture may have hurt us mind, heart, and body; so we’ll be doing a “Body scan.” Please join us.)
*Highlights:
*How often did we have that modeled for us; contempt towards others and shame for ourselves? That’s hefty. And it’s bound up in fear and shame, it misses out on the love and beauty a…
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Sep 6, 2022
Desire
Desire feels like a hush-hush topic, especially for Christian women. There’s almost an element of shame, maybe selfishness, attached to the word. In this episode, we’re challenging the shame with an open conversation. Understanding that you are sacred by design means carefully looking at and exploring the intricacies of your sexuality.
Your desires are worth exploring. Let’s dive in.
(Spiritual Coaching sessions usually incorporate a spiritual practice that draws us nearer to God. Look to our show notes for a step by step way to practice what we work through together today.)
*Highlights:
*Ask God to help you get in touch with your desires: “What do I really long for? Lord, would you help me sift through them? What are desires from you? What are the desires I’ve created?”
Every desire, even the distorted ones, reveal something of God and how He created us.
“A man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” *- **G. K. Chesterton*
“The reason we are n…
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Aug 17, 2022
Sacred by Design
Welcome to “Sacred by Design” - a conversational podcast by women, for women seeking to get closer to Jesus diving deeper into topics like sexual integrity, relational healing, spiritual health, and so much more.
God crafted you with your sexual desire. Along the way, something may have twisted that gift. Let’s get back to valuing your sexuality.
Every bit of you is sacred by design.
No matter where you are in life and maybe even because of what you’re battling; we hope you hear that loud and clear in each episode.
Every other week, we'll share our hearts and a spiritual practice to turn what we're discussing into real life change.
You're invited!
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