The Leader Learner Podcast
Theresa Destrebecq & Vincent Musolino
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The Leader Learner podcast is for passionate leaders who believe that continuing to learn and practice our people and connection skills is necessary to influence and lead others in the most effective way. This podcast is brought to you by Vincent Musolino, leadership trainer, coach, and consultant and founder of COAPTA, and Theresa Destrebecq, facilitator, coach and community kickstarter, and founder of Emerge Book Circles. Join us as we discuss books, learning, and leadership between ourselves and our guests. Learning. Leading. People. Passion. Business.
Available episodes
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4 days ago
S02E14 The Create Opportunities to Connect Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* What are you attached to?
*Big Ideas:*
* How does our attachment related to our happiness?
* Relationships have a direct relationship to our health
* What will continue to shift in our relationships as we work in virtual spaces
* Desperate for connection
* Can't escape our need for connection
* A tribe is 150 people
* Are people more afraid of connection because of the pandemic?
* 1 in 3 people around the globe says they are lonely (pre-covid)
* Social media gives us a false sense of connection
* Relying on tools for connection, but it's not true connection
* We say things online we wouldn't say in person
* Comparison of curated lives
* Prioritizing real connections with real people
* Social fitness - an ongoing practice in developing relationships
* How do we develop friendships?
* Cultural differences in how relationships are developed
* Baby steps in building relationships
* Social services as a way to meet new people
* Age not being a defining factor in a friendship
* Shifting from risk aversion to risk affinity
* Relationships take vulnerability. One person has to be the first to be vulnerable.
* Create chance and opportunity
* Acknowledging risks and the possibilities
* The illusion of control in staying in the known, even if it's uncomfortable
* Peach versus coconut styles of friendships
* Relying on Employee Resources Groups in lonely at work
* Reaching out to people out of curiosity, without an agenda
* Letting people know that you appreciated something that they said, even if you don't know them
* Not taking it personally if people don't respond when we reach
*Resources:*
* Article: https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/mckinsey-on-books/author-talks-the-worlds-longest-study-of-adult-development-finds-the-key-to-happy-living
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Mar 6, 2023
S02E13 The What's His Name Again Episode (with Dave Mills)
*Dave Mills Bio:*
With over 25 years experience in the learning and development industry. In that time he has facilitated internationally and covered a wide number of subjects from driver training on forklift trucks to facilitating senior leaders to flourish through change.
He is currently a senior consultant and SME in the People Development and Effectiveness Centre of Expertise for Kantar (the world’s leading data, insights and consulting company).
In his many previous lives he trained as a horticulturist, spent years as a night club and mobile DJ, built a career in retail manager, was a charity and corporate event MC and compere and is a trained hypnotherapist.
He lives in Leamington Spa in the Uk with his wife. He has 2 children, is a ‘born-again’ gardener, has recently started writing poetry, still DJs occasionally, loves reading and wants to be an archaeologist when he retires!
*Check-In Question:*
* Have you ever won a contest or competition?
*Big Ideas:*
* Fortitude in the face of adversity
* You do have control over how you respond to situations, even if you don't have control of the situation itself
* Are you freeing yourself or oppressing yourself?
* Critique of stoicism as the philosophy of the powerful people
* You can't make people do things, you can only empathize with their heart
* Don't worry about what people think
* Polarization exists because we aren't listening to one another
* Time and energy spent trying to control what we can't
* Accepting the reality doesn't mean that we don't want to change
* The space between stimulus and response
* Amygdala hijack is a metaphor, not a fact
* We can only do what we can do
* Not being pulled like a puppy, mastering your control
* Why don't we go to the source - the original philosophers?
* Urgent/Important Matrix (The Eisenhower Matrix)
* Leaders need to have a philosophical mindset and create meaning for employees
* Philosophy is hiding in blind sight in today's leadership
* The power in going to the original source
* How much gets lost from the original source
* Philosophy is the search for knowledge and wisdom
* Trust the process - follow what's in one book to find your next book
* Read it well and go back and read it again
* Build your map around the terrain of each book
* There is no behind other than the one you sit on
*Resources:*
* Enchiridion by Epictetus
* Courage Under Fire, James Stockdale
* Jordon Peterson
* Ken Blanchard
* Stephen Covey
* Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
* Ryan Holiday
* Nietzsche
* The Nature of Things
* The Subtle Art of Not Giving and F*ck and Everything is F*cked by Mark Manson
* Brené Brown
* Seneca
* Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey
* Theory U by Otto Scharmer
* Viktor Frankl
* The Biography of Cato the Younger
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Feb 20, 2023
S02E12 The Upstream And Downstream Episode
*Check-In:*
* Describe a time when you helped a stranger.
*Big Ideas:*
* sense of ownership
* autonomy as a cop-out for organizational responsibility
* not about changing the fish, but about changing the environment
* When we invite people into our organizations, are we hoping they will be 'unbreakable'?
* the challenge of changing the whole organization
* teaching fish to swim in the toxic water, or changing the water
* Is the entire system toxic?
* lower toxicity with caring and listening
* leadership, history impact how toxic the environment
* treating the symptom rather than the cause
* duty to support the individuals and the leadership
* Is resilience a lever like leadership, or like psychological safety? Is it a result?
* Can we directly impact resilience?
* Resilience as it relates to personal struggle
* Asking "Why me?" versus "What now?"
* The questions we ask determine how resilient we are
* Resilience as a learned experience, not a theoretical one
* Relationship supportive of our resilience
* Causality is difficult to determine
* What? So what? Now what?
* Time spent looking for why - does it matter?
* Does the category help find the solution?
* Do you need to know what is in the ocean to clean it?
* How resources impact how/where we spent our time?
* Where are the resources most impactful?
* If you can clean it, why worry about dirtying it in the first place?
* Apply resources where the leverage is highest
* System and people are complex
* Yes for the system, AND yes for the individual
* How often do we rely on the system to take care of us?
* Moving out of the either/or choices
* Binary bias - when there is no middle ground, we have to choose one or the other
* multiple layers of action - I, We, They
* not looking for reasons, but looking for meaning and actions
* when point 1 finger outward, there are 3 fingers pointing backward
*Resources:*
* Antifragile by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
* The Gift by Edith Eger
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Feb 6, 2023
S02E11 The Failure Is An Option Episode
*Check-In Question*
* Have you given yourself a life mission?
*Big Ideas:*
* How different industries look at failure and learning
* Not being criminalized for making mistakes
* Can we really trust people? (ie, Body Cams)
* When to be treated as a criminal for a mistake that kills someone and when not to
* The situations that draw us into making life/death decisions
* Does black-boxing situations help us be objective?
* Hold people accountable without blame.
* Is blame the opposite of accountability?
* Blame has a sense of judgment and can be poisonous to culture
* Cultural differences in using blame
* Blame puts us on a pedestal and the other below us
* Blame leads to defensiveness
* Cognitive dissonance - when what we believe goes against the reality of a situation
* The smarter we are or the higher up in the organization, the more likely we are to fabricate evidence
* People not letting go of the idea of being wrong
* Fundamental Attribution Error - responsibility being context specific, or a character trait
* Difference between responsibility and accountability
* Historically, we would ostracize people from the tribe to keep it secure
* Emotional engagement in our own opinions - echo chambers
* Sense of worthiness entrenched into our relationship with being wrong
* "The paradox of success is based on failure."
* Persistence past failure
* If success is based on failure, keep failing again and again
* Blame and guilt assigned to others stops people
* Do we know what failure looks like?
* What are we looking at as our metrics of success or failure?
* How do leaders know if they are being successful or not?
* Subjectivity of success/failure
* When managers don't understand us - asking managers what they need
* Expect managers to have the conversation with us, though we can start the conversation. What do you need? How can I help you?
* Doing your job the way you think you should be doing it, versus how your manager thinks you should be doing it
* "Those who are the most successful are the most vulnerable."
* Personal vulnerability versus product vulnerability
* Failure is opportunity to learn
* Self-handicapping - when you purposely create an alternative explanation for a possible failure (self-sabotage)
* Using constraints to create creativity
* If willing to accept mistakes more quickly, can be more successful
* Growth and fixed mindset
* Not getting evidence to go against labels of self
*
Resources:*
* Start your Why, Find our Why, and Infinite Game by Simon Sinek
* Black Box Thinking by Matthew Syed
* No Rules Rules by Erin Meyer and Reed Hastings
* Mindset by Carol Dweck
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Jan 23, 2023
S02E10 The Intentionally Human In Virtual Spaces Episode (with Gwen Wilkie)
with Guest, Gwen Stirling-Wilke
Dialogic OD Consultant
*Check-In Question*
* One powerful moment in a virtual space
*Big Ideas:*
* The Check-in Question
* Check in questions brings about shifts in the relational space and creates
* Liminal space can help people transition from one space to another.
* It's a punctuation and allows for recalibration
* Questions can be adapted to the time, the people, etc.
* Prepares people to the relationship part of the work
* Creates the relational glue around people
* Transition from in-person to online was both exciting and terrifying. Created a lot of new learning opportunities
* Design had to shift from in-person to online
* Bonuses to working online
* Sessions online must be shorter to accommodate fatigue
* Shared meaning making happens together, but stretch the learning before and afterward
* Preparation is part of the intervention
* Be careful about your intentions
* Expectations shifted at the beginning of pandemic to possibility
* How do we configure people - face to face, hybrid, online. When is which the best answer?
* How to create an inclusive space when hybrid
* Asymmetry when some are in-person and others are online
* Designing an event for the bigger purpose and desired outcomes
* Trust within a team determines how to hold the space
* Creating the conditions online that would otherwise organically develop face to face
* Harmony between the connection time and the content time
* How can quickly can I get people from sitting and receiving to participating?
* Using "waiting rooms" to warm people up with a soft question
* Get people involved right away
* Individual time to think about something before connecting with others
*
Resources:*
* From Physical Space to Virtual Space by Gwen Stirling-Wilke
* Healing Circles Global
* Dr. Mee-Yan Cheung Judge
*To see what Gwen's up to next, **head here**. *
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Jan 9, 2023
S02E09 The 2022 Year In Review Episode
An episode of questions, all about 2022. How would you answer these?
* What was the best $100/100€ you spent in 2022?
* What compliment did you receive in 2022 that still sticks with you?
* What book did you read in 2022 that was really impactful?
* What is the nicest thing that someone did for you in 2022?
* What was the best TV show, movie, or series you watched in 2022?
* What is something you had the most fun doing in 2022?
* If you could give 1 piece of advice from your experience in 2022, what advice would you give?
* Describe a time when you did something reckless or daring in 2022.
* What's something that happened in 2022 that made you really angry?
* What is 1 thing you regret from 2022 as you look back?
* What is 1 thing you did in 2022, that you would do differently in 2023?
* What does the world need more of in 2023 as you look back on 2023?
* Was there any period in 2022 that was difficult, but ultimately made you a strong or better person?
* What are you looking forward to in 2023?
Resources Mentioned:
* The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. Yalom
* Essentialism by Greg McKeown
* The 5 Love Languages
* Glow (TV Series)
* Severance (TV Series)
* The End of History and the Last Man
* The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink
* Time to Think by Nancy Kline
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Dec 20, 2022
S02E08 The Beyond Culture Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* Are you the kind of person to make the first step in love? Tell us all about it.
*
Big Ideas:*
* 8 different dimensions of culture that show up in work:
* Communication (low context or high context)
* Evaluating (indirect negative or direct)
* Persuading (why or how)
* Leading (Egalitarian or Hierarchical
* Deciding (Consensus or. Top Down)
* Trust (Task-based or Relationship-based)
* Disagreeing (Confrontational or Avoidant)
* Scheduling (Flexible or Linear)
* Is seeing person by culture stereotyping?
* Talking to the person versus talking to the country they come from
* The culture sets a range
* We need to look at culture and personality
* Crossing legs so people see the bottom of your shoe is a faux pas in Japan
* Difference between cultural sensitivity and using culture as predictors
* Stereotyping and prototyping
* Assume you will do "stupid stuff" in new cultures and apologize in advance
* Humility of saying "I don't really know."
* Learning a few words in the language
* One of the best ways to ingratiating yourself in a new culture is to be a bit self-deprecating in your own culture
* What we think is "normal" in the new culture
* The US being more task-based than European culture
* Trust always start as task-based, then moves to relationship based once people finish the tasks
* Task based is more controlling and has more cost
* Differences in perception of "wasting time"
* Making assumptions and using the book to check assumptions
* Creating hypothesis about people and then test it, not using stereotypes as the ultimate truth
* How historical context affects cultural communication
* How religion affects culture
* One-on-one meetings focus more on the person and really listen
* Sandwich style feedback taught in the US
* Downplaying negative feedback - "Maybe you should"
* Not wanting to hurt people's feelings
* When people tell you what you are doing well, and don't mention what you aren't doing well.
* Creating mentor schemes
* Peach cultures (soft on the outside, hard in the middle) versus Coconut cultures (hard on the outside, soft)
* Different cultures within the same country
* How are we stereotyping people and is that the best way of building relationship?
* Intent versus impact when feedback - managing the gaps
* Not hearing feedback and not being receptive to it (in denial)
* Living and experiencing different cultures can help us be better humans, even within our own culture
* Incorrect assumptions about our own cultures
* Clarifying intentions
* Traveling and being mindful of others cultures - being an ethnographer/anthropologist
* Culture being a test bed of human differences and to be a better person
* How much we believe that what we do is normal
* Continually exposing ourselves to other cultures and not get entrenched
*
Resources Mentioned:*
* The Culture Map by Erin Meyer
* INSEAD Business School
* No Rules Rules by Erin Meyer and Reed Hastings
* Hofstede Culture Research
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Dec 5, 2022
S02E07 The Leadership From The Back End Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* How do you define intelligence?
*Big Ideas:*
* Is charismatic leadership over-rated?
* Likeability versus leadership. They aren't mutually exclusive.
* Melencholic leaders are more affective
* Power over (positional), versus power with (relational)
* What emotions can be shown at work, and by whom?
* Leadership struggles for Theresa come from trying to be the strong, even in the face of hard emotions
* Sharing emotions can build trust
* Holding down the balloon underwater isn't sustainable
* Big life changes are okay at work, but the little stresses accumulate and can't always been shown, shared at work
* Do leaders have to be likeable?
* Does leadership matter for executives? Do we overvalue it?
* How do you define leadership?
* An executive is merely someone who makes decisions who affect the company
* Leadership is about non-organizational skills, but people skills (not process, strategy, etc.)
* Leadership is multifaceted
* Leadership is defined by how you face adversity
* Adversity sets leaders apart
* Leaders because of who you are, and "leaders" who have a position/title only
* Don't know our ability to lead until after a crisis happens
* Testament to leadership - do you have other people's back and do they have yours?
* Everybody can be a leader
* Challenge to understand ourselves well enough to serve others
* Leadership for ego, and leadership for change
* Not here to only serve ourselves, we are here to serve people and solve problems through our businesses
* How do you need to be a leader in the face of "evil" or "bad" people in the world?
* How does culture influence who we want as a leader?
* Vulnerability isn't the only key to being a good leader
* The importance of knowing who you are as part of any leadership program
* Tell someone who/how to be, or allow people the chance to experience it themselves
* Can't buy leadership on the shelf
* Serving others from internal or external motivation
* What are you serving others for?
* Leadership comes from the backend of a crisis.
* We can all look like great leaders when it's rosy
*Resources:*
* HBR Must Reads on Leadership
* Bittersweet by Susan Cain
* Brené Brown
* Band of Brothers
* The Circle Way
* The Conscious Creator by Kelly Small
* The Prince -Machiavelli
* The Culture Map by Erin Meyer
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Nov 21, 2022
S02E06 The Simplify Episode
*CHECK-IN QUESTION*:
* If you could take a week-long vacation anywhere in the world by yourself, where would you go?
*BIG IDEAS:*
* Essentialism isn't minimalism
* Being intentional about how we spend our time
* How do we decide what we take on and what we don't?
* Useful time - how to determine what is useful or not?
* Useful doesn't always mean fun
* What's the difference between being useful and essential?
* 3 minimal criteria for saying yes to things, and 3 ideal criteria to saying yes
* Essential intent aligned with purpose, big why, just cause
* If we are saying no the minimum, are we taking away time to do something ideal?
* Different activities can work in concert with one another toward your essential intent
* How often we say yes to be nice or to be liked? How respectful is that to ourselves or others?
* The essential intent is the priority
* We get pulled into the idea that everything is a priority
* We take on other people's urgencies that aren't ours
* Taking on people's problems isn't helping, it's enabling
* Taking on other's work is also about control
* Consultants come in to solve a company's problem
* Training, Coaching, Consulting are not the same
* Separate the decision from the relationship
* Say no to the problem, not the person
* Don't say "NO", say "Yes, and...", "Yes, however...", or "Yes, no"
* What gets in the way of people saying "no"? Fear, People Pleasing
* The 5 drivers of behavior -- be strong, be perfect, be quick, please others, and try hard
* No limit to the relationship, but a limit to the request you can ask of me
* Choices being actions versus things
* Is free will a thing? Are we fully determined?
* If there's no free will, there's no responsibility
* We don't make choices, we just act
* Creating an ensemble of activities that align in one direction
* We don't have to make things as complicated as we do
* DESA - Design, Eliminate, Simplify, Automate
* Doing less and still providing the same value
* "Reverse Pilot" - take away something you are doing and see what happens
*RESOURCES MENTIONED*:
* Essentialism by Greg McKeown
* Simon Sinek and a Just Cause
* Eisenhower Matrix
* The One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey, by Ken Blanchard, discussed on Season 1, Episode 5
* The 5 Drivers of Behavior (Transactional Analysis)
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Nov 7, 2022
S02E05 The Connection Before Content Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* Is there any value in buying paper dictionaries anymore? Do you think paper books will die within our lifetimes?
*
Big Ideas:*
* Creating connection in virtual spaces
* Importance of taking time and not having an agenda or expectations
* Who we are as people as opposed to who we are in our roles
* Skills needed in virtual space are different
* How am I different in person versus virtually?
* Knowing how we are in different spaces
* Better listeners in different spaces - virtual versus in person
* Having agreements around virtual spaces to keep people engaged and less distracted
* Virtual spaces equalize people based on height
* How people uses spaces (stages) to have power
* Virtual world changes how people perceive us
* Hide self-view, or keep it open - limit distractions or boost confidence
* Move people so they are below the camera
* Looking at screen versus looking at the camera
* meaning making and generative conversations
* the importance of engagements
* generative and transformative conversations
* Does lack of trust have to do with the importance of talking about engagement online?
* Check-In questions leads to improved engagement
* Invite people into meeting
* Preparation for the workshop is part of the workshop
* Are we allowing transition time? Where is the liminal space?
* Create transition time or buffer into the time with people
* Time to integrate what just happened before launch into the next
* Check-out with application, reflection time
* Space to continue the conversation between time we meet (Miro, Jamboard, group chats.)
* Successful workshops live or die by engagement levels
* Design for connection before content
* Online reveals design flaws
* Connection brings engagement
* Agree on ground rules (practices, agreements.)
* Define where an organization is comfortable working in the space - meet people where they are
* Activities:
* Hi By Name - supports being seen
* Virtual Charades -
* Virtual Tour - give a tour of your virtual space
* Special of the Week - what are you most focused on this week?
*
Resources Mentioned:*
* Essentialism by Greg McKeown
* From Physical Place to Virtual Space by Gwen Sterling-Wilkie
* Rituals for Virtual Meetings by Glenn Fjardo and Kursat Özenç
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Oct 24, 2022
S02E04 The What Does It Mean To Be Humble Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* What personal quality do you know people appreciate about you?
*
Big Ideas:*
* 3 attitudes - Unconditional Responsibility, Essential Integrity, Ontological Humility
* Ontology - Philosophy related to being, relationships one has to being
* Dividing responsibility starting from 100% doesn't work, each person has 100% responsibility for themselves
* Keeping your word is not the same as honoring your word
* Keeping your word with others sometimes means NOT keeping your word with yourself
* Integrity is different for every person because everyone's values are different
* Humility being pushed, but is it really what people need or expect
* It's all about our mindset - we can see things as a challenge or an opportunity
* You can choose
* When am I saying it was external circumstances, versus my responsibilities
* When feeling overwhelmed, easier to point to external circumstances because feels more overwhelming
* Player and victim - the pla…
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Oct 10, 2022
S02E03 The Explain Not Persuade Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be?
*
Big Ideas:*
* Theresa's BIG Reflection Question: How can I have an opinion or take a stand on something, without other people taking in personally, or feeling judged.
* "Strong back soft front." ~Joan Halifax
* Is taking a stand the same as having an opinion?
* How can you care about someone and want to persuade them that you are right?
* Can you take a stand without persecuting someone?
* Values as our stand
* Conversations don't always have to be confrontations
* Be open to NOT wanting to change people's minds
* Persuasion is different than explanation
* "For most of us the opposite of speaking isn't listening, it's waiting" ~Daniel Pink
* Asking people for their sources puts them on the defensive
* Logos (what we say), Ethos (character of person), Pathos (affect we are creating in others)
* How convincing others doesn't work and often doesn't bear fruit
* Judging activitie…
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Sep 26, 2022
S02E02 The Let's Talk About Shame Baby Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* What website do you visit multiple times a day?
*Big Ideas:*
* What gets in the way of great leadership?
* Imposing my perspective/values on other people
* Imposter syndrome leading to self-doubt
* When we don't address our own emotions
* Shame getting in the way of leadership
* The less we talk about emotions the more we feel
* Not talking about shame at work -- frustrations, fear
* Difference between shame (I am a failure) versus guilt (I failed at this project)
* Is shame a cohesion mechanism?
* Fault and mistake -- how are they different?
* Guilt can have a powerful impact when we see the gap between our values/intentions between our behavior
* One incidence can lead to either guilt or shame
* What do we say to ourselves when we make a mistake?
* How much are leaders using shame as a tool in leadership? Weaponizing shame
* The opposite of shame - empathy and compassion, vulnerability
* Fear of being a bad leader, leads us…
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Sep 12, 2022
S02E01 The Do You Need A Break Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* Who is the most likeable person that you know?
*Big Ideas:*
* Taking breaks - why we do it, why we don't, etc
* Real vacation, no work AND vacation, but thinking about work
* Taking a break means NOT thinking about work
* Having some location separation between work and home
* Can't compartmentalize work and personal life
* Is separating work and home life valid anymore?
* Communication between work and home so the pressure doesn't build
* Setting permeable boundaries
* Breaks to process what just happened and what might happen next
* Creating space to think deeply
* Distinction between taking breaks and creating space
* Breaks having no purpose, spaces having purpose
* Are we taking breaks to be lost in thought?
* Do we need to give space for our brains to breathe?
* Finding likeable moments in the everyday
* Travail (work in French) comes from a word related to torture
* Create a life you don't need to take a break from…
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Jul 18, 2022
Season Finale: How We Found Room for Improvement
*Check-In Question:*
* Do you like working from home?
* How to create community in virtual spaces
*Big Ideas:*
* What's our magic, our thing, our niche, etc?
* The importance of FUN
* Tech issues we encountered - Theresa's slow connection
* Types of episodes: Quotes and Question, Guests, Shoot from the Hip, Coaching One Another - *Listeners, what is your favorite episode type? *
* Learning from other people's perspectives
* Modeling getting tough feedback
* Titles engage people - "Click Bait"
* Being more strategic about marketing
* People interested in the content more than who we are as people
* Using other people to challenge our thinking
* Element of spontaneity and fun
* Standing on other people's shoulders for visibility
* Do you like the "The" and "Episode" bookmarking the episodes?
*Resources Mentioned:*
* Rituals for Virtual Meetings by Glenn Fajardo and
Kursat Ozenc
* From Physical Space to Virtual Space by Gwen Sterling-Wilkie
More yu…
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Jul 4, 2022
S01E12 The How Do We Respond To Gifts Episode
Enjoy this spontaneous, unplanned conversation which turned into an episode :)
*BIG IDEAS:*
* Relationship being more important than the gift
* Do gifts pollute or change the relationship?
* Polluting versus enhancing?
* What do we do with compliments?
* Genuine connections over the "connect and pitch"
* Link between connections and gifts to worthiness
* When we don't accept a gift, we rob someone of the joy in giving
* The 5 Love Languages, - Touch, Service, Words of Appreciation, Gifts, Quality Time
* The gaps between how we like to give and receive love
* Adapt love language to a work situation
* Supporting peer-to-peer displays of appreciation
* Understanding our love language based on what we like to give
* Referrals from the heart, or referrals for a percentage?
* Transparency in making referrals
* "Send the elevator back"
*RESOURCES:*
* The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
* Take the 5 Love Languages Quiz
* WorkHuman
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Jun 20, 2022
S01E11 The Is Money Dirty Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* What is money good for?
*Big Ideas:*
* Two kinds of money -- those that fulfill our needs, and those that we think will fulfill our needs, but don't.
* Indigenous tribes that don't use money. Question of whether it is essential?
* "Money isn't the problem. Money isn't good or bad. Money itself doesn't have power or not have power. It is our interpretation of money, our interaction with it, where the real mischief is and where we find the real opportunity for self-discovery and personal discovery.
* The tool doesn't have power.
* When you have money, you can make different choices.
* Yes, you can have power without money. (ex Rosa Parks)
* Is causation, money then power, or power than money?
* Power on a spectrum in line with money.
* Choice as a sense of power
* Voting with your feet
* Difference between local and global economics - buying local and the sense of community that comes with it
* We have a role in how the money is distrib…
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Jun 6, 2022
S01E10 The Hero On The Balcony Episode
Check-In Question:
* What do you think people regret the most when they look back on their life?
Big Ideas:
* Different stages of life: the call, the messy middle, the resolution
* Life being one long journey, with lots of small hero's journeys throughout
* Stage 1: Ordinary World; Stage 2: The Call to Adventure; Stage 3: Refusal of the Call; Stage 4: Meeting with a Mentor; Stage 5: Crossing the 1st Threshold; Stage 6: The Adventure (enemies, shadows, etc); Stage 7: The Elixir
* Saying no in my mind, and not feeling like I had a choice.
* When our ego says that we don't have a choice
* When our mentors muddle the waters by giving us another perspective, which doesn't align with our values or intuition
* Who is the 'right' person to ask?
* Going to the outside for advice because we don't trust ourselves
* Having a challenge network (band of pirates) to rattle us and keep us integrity
* Use criticism as a way to reinforce our values
* Can you refuse a call and…
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May 16, 2022
S01E09 The Theresa Gets Bad Feedback Episode
*Check-In Question:*
* Do you think it's appropriate to cry at work, and when was the last time you cried at work?
*Big Ideas:*
* Is appropriate the right word to refer to having emotions at work?
* Judgment behind the work appropriate
* Permission to have the full range of emotions, even at work
* How criticism brings up a sense of threat, even if we don't consciously think of it
* The importance of specific feedback, so we know what to do differently or more of
* Negativity bias
* What makes feedback appropriate, useful, or adequate?
* Imposter syndrome
* Knowing what triggers us to get defensive
* How style interacts with purpose/vision, from a tactical perspective
* Clarity up front about your style
* Turning threats into opportunities
* Making our methods/styles into a differentiating factors (USP)
* What are people's expectations before engaging in a learning space?
* Is the feedback touching the core of who I am, or is it more tactical?
* Loo…
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May 2, 2022
S01E08 The Honor People's Voices Episode
Check-In Question:
* Would there be more or fewer people leaving their jobs (divorces) if people could read each other's minds?
Big Ideas:
* The importance of candor in organizations
* How we do candor matters
* The culture of candor matters - sometimes labeled a non-team player if point out mistakes
* Safety as it relates to communication styles - direct/indirect
* Our own relationship to threat and how it relates to psychological safety
* Two people can be on the same team, and one can feel safe and another not
* The company needs people to feel psychological safe
* How we receive candor matters
* The stories we create about our sense of safety, versus the reality of our safety
* Our personal agency when it comes to being safe at work
* Rules of engagement for our candor for both the giver and receiver
* Scaffolding to our candor - meeting people where they are
* Balance candor with empathy
* Having the conflict about the issues, NOT the people
* Br…
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Apr 18, 2022
S01E07 The Who The Hell Are We Episode
What kinds of things you'll learn about us:
* What we individually create in our work, and what for
* What makes Theresa happy about her work
* The company Vincent would want to change
* The artist/band Theresa would take with her to a deserted island
* The book Vincent would read for the rest of his life
* Theresa's most badass leadership moment
* What Theresa would do with her one magic wand
* The leadership lesson Vincent keeps having to learn again and again
* How Vincent is like his father
* Theresa's key to a happy professional life
* Who Theresa would have dinner with if she could
* How Vincent reads so the info stays alive
* What brings Theresa a sense of awe
* What makes Vincent a reader
Resources Mentioned:
* Karpman's Drama Triangle
* Kristin Neff on Self-Compassion
* Brené Brown
* Elizabeth Lesser
* Jim Kwik - Brain Coach
More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm
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Apr 4, 2022
S01E06 The Transform To Perform Tomorrow Episode (with Suzanne Lee)
*With Guest Suzanne Lee from Straumann Group*
*Big Ideas:*
* Intimate relationship between leadership and learning
* Leadership is an invitation to tomorrow that is better than today
* Perform for today, transform for tomorrow - learning and listening is at the core
* Learn faster than the environment is changing
* The I, the We and the It -- learning must happen on those 3 dimensions or you leave others behind
* Learning is a mindset, not a tool, process, or life hack
* Change is speeding up, so must learn faster than the change so we don't get swallowed up
* Taking responsibility for our workloads
* Learning as a value, so I make it happen no matter what is on my plate
* What am I okay with not doing perfectly
* Don't bother with time management hacks, be okay with not getting things done
* Intentionality of own growth, team growth, and individuals on teams growth
* How to reconcile performance with learning and what's on our plate
* Even within a system…
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Mar 21, 2022
S01E05 The Keep Your Monkeys Episode
Vincent starts off with a story….
*Big Ideas:*
* Don’t take employees monkeys, or it turns into a zoo
* Employees need to keep their own monkeys
* Leaders and managers are not necessarily the same
* It’s exhausting and unsustainable for a manager to take everyone’s monkeys
* It’s natural for managers to take things off people’s plates. They think it’s their job.
* How are we supporting people’s transition from individual contributor to management?
* What is the role of a manager?
* The shift from owning your work, to overseeing the work of the individual contributors work, without taking it on
* Role of the manager is to make obstacles go away (organization, finances, resources, team dynamics, psychological safety, recruiting, etc)
* Manager to focus on the conditions - preparing the space by removing obstacles, and putting things in
* Creating the conditions for competencies to be built
* Should we let employees fail?
* The relationship betw…
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Mar 7, 2022
S01E04 The Not Giving Advice Episode
*Check in Question:*
* Do you believe criminals can be truly rehabilitated in prison?
*Big Ideas:*
* “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
* Fear of people who are different than us
* The costs of the advice trap that leads to dysfunction in teams
* Advice is personal and the transfer of it doesn’t alway flourish in another context, or with another person
* Best practices shift based on context, and means that there is only one.
* We don’t live in a linear world, so there can’t be a best.
* Advice creates demotivated advice receivers and overwhelmed advice givers
* Advice creates a short term solace
* Advice is everywhere and we all seem to like giving it out
* Is sharing of information giving advice?
* Sometimes the expertise and advice is wrong for you
* The power of the scientific process (randomized trials)
* Selling your idea as “THE” idea
* Is the problem the assumption behind the advice and not the advi…
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Feb 21, 2022
S01E03 The Living of The Knowledge of Life Episode (with Tames Rietdijk)
With Guest: Tames Rietdijk, founder and former CEO at Business Forensics
Check in Question:
* Did you ever play hooky or cut class in school?
Big Ideas:
* Learning as a way of life
* Balance between “living the life of my knowledge, living of the knowledge of life”
* Would lose perspective if I focused my learning on only one area
* Living of the knowledge of life is learning from the signs and your interpretation
* Sometimes your environment doesn’t always allow you to transform you into who you want to be
* Not using the knowledge of the past to inform the future
* Learning through experiences and reflection
* Putting myself out of my comfort zone to apply what I am learning from books
* The range of people’s opinions from failure to success
* Learning from the feedback of others that is the opposite of the feedback you would give yourself
* The importance of looking at your drivers (sometimes they are hidden)
* The habit of relearning
* The im…
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Feb 7, 2022
S01E02 The Be Equals Episode
*Check in Question:*
* If you could spend a whole day with any one person, who would it be?
*Big Ideas:*
* Learning from anyone through their experiences
* Thinking that one has potential doesn’t commit to anything, but believing that people have the keys to their own happiness and that you are equals
* Seeing your children as your teacher, rather than you as their teacher.
* Equalize the relationship to reduce status/rank, and exploring how the relationship shifts when we relate to them with more equity
* Children not as spongers, but as mirrors.
* Start looking at those who we thinking can’t teach us anything, to teach us something.
* Shifting power dynamics so we are all on the same level
* Stepping down the pedestal, and/or inviting people up onto our pedestal, or giving ourselves permission to step up
* Moving from calling people patients to clients to create more of a partnership
* Fitting in, being liked, and societal shoulds being the drivers away f…
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Feb 7, 2022
S01E01 The Hunting and Farming Episode
*Check In Question:*
* If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?
*Big Ideas:*
* “Living is learning to die”
* Having a “north star” that is worth dying for (a just cause)
* Sinek’s belief that businesses are focusing on money, not on a cause.
* How to transition or connect a non-“sexy” business to having a just cause?
* Our “just cause” shouldn’t be tied to a service or product, so we can have “existential flex”
* How do businesses measure success? Financial, Social, Ecological?
* An infinite game isn’t about winning. The goal is to keep playing.
* Winning and losing is short-term, fixed mindset.
* Can you be competitive without winning?
* In the infinite game, the rules are consistently shifting.
* The business shift toward business as a result of ideas from Milton Friedman
* The shift in pay scales between employees and CEO’s over the last several decades
* Reciprocity and giving it back
* How we latch onto ideas…
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