Episode 28 Conflict Resolution Pillar
Play • 33 min

This week Matthew and Kim take a deep dive into the third pillar of successful relationships, conflict resolution. No matter how healthy your relationship is, it is human nature to fall into conflict from time to time. When we hear the word conflict we think of yelling, arguing, and negativity… but it does not have to be that way. Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. Running into conflict with your partner can bring you closer by learning to understand one another on a deeper level. If you feel like you and your partner always fall into the same rhythm of criticism, contempt and defensiveness, you are not alone. Tune in this week to learn to resolve conflict in a healthy and productive way with your partner. 

Key Ideas

-Tools and skills in conflict resolution 

-The three states of every relationship 

-Conflict resolution isn't about changing your partner 

-The Four Horsemen Theory 

-How women deal with their feelings vs men 


“Conflict resolution is a skill, it’s learned, you have got to practice it, you have to develop it, you have to grow it and learn how to use it.”- Matthew 

“Human tendency is to go in and try to fix it, or go in and try to be defensive and we have to practice the good skills and learn how to manage the conflict to be able to resolve or even get beyond it.” -Kim 

“It’s about I and You when you're in conflict you’re not commenting and saying what the other person did but you’re saying I feel, I need… because in using those I statements you're communicating your state in an effort to help your spouse understand.” -Matthew 

“There’s really always 2 realities… Everybody in every situation has the right to feel how they feel... It doesn’t mean I have to feel the same way but I need to validate and make sure that you know that I understand how you feel and why you feel that way   ” -Matthew

 “You gotta figure out what the dream is within the conflict, because there is a conflict but the dream means what's the underlying issue or what do you really want to happen here.” -Matthew

“If I could give advice to men in general, women really need to talk about and express their feelings… a lot of times women will bring it up in a heated way and it's not because they are in conflict or coming at their spouse they just need to get it off their plate.” -Kim 

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