Rewilding Love
Rewilding Love
Nov 23, 2020
EP2: Playing the Blame Game
Play • 39 min

The blame game is in full effect as Alicia and Mateo each have their very separate realities and see the other party as wrong. Mateo blames Alicia’s temper for his habit of shutting down, and Alicia blows up when she feels like she’s the only responsible one in the relationship or the only one who cares. Their lack of empathy and understanding about the other person's point of view results in their polarization. This wedge between them helps them stay convinced that the other’s behavior is the cause of their suffering -- can Rohini and Angus help them find understanding?

From narrow and self-focused perspectives, Alicia and Mateo justify their actions. From this state of mind, their thinking is distorted and they can’t see the whole picture. As they move toward more open-minded and open-hearted feelings, they gain the opportunity to see each other differently.  Once they arrive in this space of greater trust, they access a more well-rounded perspective. The quality of their relationship actually reflects the quality of their individual states of mind.

This episode explores:

  • The current status of Alicia and Mateo’s relationship.
  • How Alicia and Mateo tell the tale of two different relationships.
  • How a desire to protect optics in the face of friends and family can get in the way of being honest about what they are going through.
  • How challenging it is for the relationship when both people feel discouraged.
  • The importance of each person in the relationship having their own insight and transformation.
  • The important role that the individual state of mind plays in order to open up to new possibilities.
  • Initial sessions with Alicia and Mateo to begin hearing both sides.
  • How common it is, and how detrimental it is, to keep a laundry list of woes.
  • How many couples play the blame game.
  • The challenges associated with volatility in relationships.
  • How painful a lack of understanding can be.
  • The negative impact of judgment in relationships.

Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.

Ep. 2 includes selections from Violet/Balance and Blue/Calm

Show Notes:
Agent provocateur: one employed to associate with suspected persons and by pretending sympathy with their aims to incite them to some incriminating action. Also a British lingerie retailer.

Wood for the trees: If someone can't see the wood for the trees in British English, or can't see the forest for the trees in American English, they are very involved in the details of something and so they do not notice what is important about the thing as a whole.


Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit:

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