Hey James, Watch This!
Hey James Watch This
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Warning -- this podcast contains spoilers, but you shouldn't care. Welcome to Hey James Watch This, a celebration of mediocrity! In this and indeed every episode, Russ and Frye will try to convince their friend James why he should watch an absolutely unnecessary film. Hey James... Watch This!
New Episodes Tuesdays!
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2 days ago
Episode 124: Bullet Train
Episode One Hundred and Twenty-Four: Bullet Train (2022)
The wheel has demanded comedy-thriller, and Brad Pitt has taken up the gauntlet. We're off to Japan for the most white-washed movie set on a shinkansen you've ever seen. When Michael Shannon is playing a Russian yakuza boss, you know some wires have gotten crossed somewhere.
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Jan 17, 2023
Episode 123: Class Action Park
Episode One Hundred and Twenty-Three: Class Action Park (2020)
What is an action documentary, we wondered to ourselves after last week's episode. Then along came con-artist and criminal Gene Mulvihill to give us our answer. His brainchild was a meatgrinder of a playground called Action Park, and enough cannot be said about this Jackass of an attraction. The 80s and New Jersey were the magical ley lines that spawned this monster.
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Jan 10, 2023
Episode 122: Money Plane
Episode One Hundred and Twenty-Two: Money Plane (2020)
We're back!
It's a listener request to start off 2023! This is the best movie released in 2020 that stars both a classically trained thespian and a WWE superstar. If you've ever wanted to see Edge act opposite Kelsey Grammer, now you can. The title alone is perfect, but is that an easy enough sell for James? Also, no -- this isn't the long awaited sequel to Money Train. We were similarly crushed.
*Jon Neimeister's Twitter thread on AI art*
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Jan 3, 2023
Episode 121: The Cutting Room Floor -- January 2023!
Happy 2023, everybody! We'll be back next week with the usual nonsense. There are some politics in this episode, but it's an outtakes episode and anything's fair game.
Enjoy!
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Dec 27, 2022
Episode 120: Christmas Bloody Christmas
Episode One Hundred and Twenty: Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)
Christmas horror, you say? There's a LIBRARY. This week it's director Joe Begos and a murderous robotic Santa Claus. No, not the one from Futurama. Riley Dandy holds her own as the Final Girl in this movie that summarizes itself with its title. Let's be honest -- you know what you're getting. As one third of our podcast puts it --
"If we're already here, you don't have to make us go home."
--James
Happy Holidays, everybody.
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Dec 20, 2022
Episode 119: Love & Peace
Episode One Hundred and Nineteen: Love & Peace (2015)
*ラブ＆ピース*
Our Christmas drama took us to the UK, and it looks like our foreign Christmas movie is taking us to Japan. We couldn't find the KFC that Frye wanted, but we did find a prolific director. Sion Sono -- a deeply insane person -- wrote and directed this passion project. It's 20 years in the making, and it's the best, most unnecessary Christmas / Santa / rock god / kaiju / love story / musical / puppet show you've seen this month.
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Dec 13, 2022
Episode 118: The Man Who Invented Christmas
Episode One Hundred and Eighteen: The Man Who Invented Christmas (2017)
Happy Holidays! 'Tis the season around here, and the Wheel has demanded Christmas drama. Where better to look than where it all started? It's Victorian England and it's ol' Charlie Dickens. It turns out, the process of creating A Christmas Carol was a surprisingly cinematic one. Who would've thought...
*Canada's weird goth Elizabeth II coin.*
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Dec 6, 2022
Episode 117: Jurassic World Dominion
Episode One Hundred and Seventeen: Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
It feels like we've come full circle in a strange way. Our first episode over two years ago was another Jurassic World movie. And now James comes into this one knowing full well what Frye and Russ are selling. They brought back Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Laura Dern, Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum, and also every dinosaur ever to live or be invented, so they're definitely not compensating for the script or anything.
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Nov 29, 2022
Episode 116: Nuts!
Episode One Hundred and Sixteen: Nuts! (2016)
The world of animated documentaries is wider than you might think, and we were lucky enough to discover this depiction of the life and many, many, many frauds of America's greatest quack doctor -- John R. Brinkley. As if treating every ailment with an implantation of goat testicles wasn't enough, he also skirted the FCC by building his own super-powerful radio station in Mexico in the 30s. Then he ran for governor of Kansas on the strength of simply being a quack.
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Nov 22, 2022
Episode 115: Sundown
Episode One Hundred and Fifteen: Sundown (2021)
James didn't want to watch Mélanie Laurent stuck in a tube, so we've got to bring back the spicy foreign drama. Maybe instead of watching Mélanie Laurent stuck in a French tube, he'll be more amenable to watching Tim Roth stuck on a Mexican beach. Although, he is there by choice. James also has a lot to say about the Japanese Self Defense Force and their propaganda anime Gate.
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Nov 15, 2022
Episode 114: Oxygen
Episode One Hundred and Fourteen: Oxygen (2021)
Oxygène (2021)
The wheel demanded foreign drama, so we gave James a French sci-fi film where Mélanie Laurent is stuck in a tube. That's the entire movie. It's like that flick we did last year called Galaxy of Horrors, except there aren't any dumb scary short vignettes to break up all the tube stuff. Additionally, Russ makes a grave error on untitled.txt for which he apologizes in advance.
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Nov 8, 2022
Episode 113: The Cutting Room Floor -- November 2022!
Enjoy these BRAND NEW ramblings!
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Nov 1, 2022
Episode 112: Cold Pursuit
Episode One Hundred and Twelve: Cold Pursuit (2019)
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have is a trophy for being voted Best Person in Town, and a snowplow. My snowplow makes me a nightmare for people like you. If you let Laura Dern out of this movie, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will snowplow you."
--Liam Neeson
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Oct 25, 2022
Episode 111: Hellraiser
Episode One Hundred and Eleven: Hellraiser (2022)
Happy Halloween, everybody! We've come full circle to good ol' bloody horror and unnecessary remakes all in one! From sex demons dressed in their own skin to the silliest tailoring job you've ever seen, no idea was too silly for the writer's room. This reimagining of Clive Barker's classic will surely polarize casual viewers and horror fans alike, but how well can Russ and Frye sell its charms?
BOO!
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Oct 18, 2022
Episode 110: His House
Episode One Hundred and Ten: His House (2020)
It happened again. We needed a new ghost story, and we accidentally picked one that was too good for the podcast. Of course, that won't stop us from making the most of it. The immigration experience framed as a horror is just the beginning of everything that's happening here. You'll also have to deal with the boys' impromptu elevator pitches for the worst horror movies you've ever imagined and a lengthy discussion of whiskey disguised as Tide pods.
BOO!
*Monster Movie Title Generator*
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Oct 11, 2022
Episode 109: A Ghost Waits
Episode One Hundred and Nine: A Ghost Waits (2020)
Spoopy Season continues! James was ever so excited by our comedy cosmic horror, but now the wheel has called for a ghost story. James isn't a fan. He'll probably be less of a fan this week because Russ and Frye have to deal with a ghost story that throws the viewer the most unnecessary suicide this side of Romeo and Juliet. Also this episode has just SO MUCH talk of suicide -- but maybe more talk of Cyberpunk 2077.
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Oct 4, 2022
Episode 108: Glorious
Episode One Hundred and Eight: Glorious (2022)
Happy Spoopy Season everybody! It's that time of year when we do a month of horror! The wheel called for horror comedy, but we knew James was disappointed. We knew he really wanted Lovecraftian cosmic horror. But Russ and Frye are wily. What if they could deliver both? What if they could deliver an eldritch god voiced by JK Simmons hiding behind a rest stop glory hole? As it so happens, they could deliver that. And they did.
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Sep 27, 2022
Episode 107: Promare
Episode One Hundred and Seven: Promare (2019)
プロメア (2019)
The wheel called for animated action? That's certainly a thing, but it's usually called DragonBall Z. When you hear "animated action," it's almost certainly an anime -- right? Not to worry. We're weebs -- we know what's up. This is Studio Trigger, and this is Hiroyuki Imaishi. Do you like FLCL? Do you like Gurren Lagann? Do you like Kill la Kill? What if they all had an anime baby? If you even know what these sentences mean, watch this movie.
*Talking Animals Bookstore*
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Sep 20, 2022
Episode 106: Detour
Episode One Hundred and Six: Detour (1945)
We usually stick to pretty recent stuff on this show, but the wheel is merciless and it has demanded a classic. While the idea of an "unnecessary" classic film is chuckle-worthy, we think we've delivered. This is a film noir from 1945 directed by Edgar G. Ulmer starring Tom Neal and Ann Savage. If you want to play blackout with your film noir tropes bingo card, this is the flick for you.
*Dinosaur Adventure *
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Sep 13, 2022
Episode 105: Trust No One: The Hunt for the Crypto King
Episode One Hundred and Five: Trust No One: The Hunt for the Crypto King (2022)
I hope you're all ready to learn something, because it's documentary week. If there's one thing we love more than Werner Herzog's speech patterns, it's clowning on crypto and crypto-bros. Luckily, this movie has lots of both. Marvel at the parade of bad decisions, mysteries, and conspiracies surrounding the life and possible death of legendary crypto-bro Gerry Cotten.
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Sep 6, 2022
Episode 104: We Couldn't Become Adults
Episode One Hundred and Four: We Couldn't Become Adults (2021)
ボクたちはみんな大人になれなかった (2021)
Romance yet again. Russ and Frye now know that James wants a romance without any of those pesky romance trappings like love or passion or human contact or fulfillment, so maybe a depressing slice-of-life Japanese pseudo-romance will suffice. The boys are feeling especially genki this week, unlike any one single character in this JAPANESE flick. Weebs.
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Aug 30, 2022
Episode 103: The F Word -OR- What If?
Episode One Hundred and Three: The F Word -OR- What If? (2013)
Romance, eh? You know this one's going to be a tough sell, but maybe Harry Potter AND Kylo Ren can help out. It's the most Tik-Toked romcom of 2022, and Daniel Radcliffe, Zoe Kazan, and Adam Driver are giving it their all. This movie is called What If? in the US and The F Word everywhere else. Seems the implication was too spicy for the ol' MPAA.
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Aug 23, 2022
Episode 102: Carter
Episode One Hundred and Two: Carter (2022)
We forgot to spin the wheel last week, so Russ has hijacked the podcast again! With his newfound power, he has brought the latest action movie out of South Korea that might be more action than movie. The list of things wrong with this movie is exactly the same as the list of things this movie gets right. Is it possible to have too much action? The Netflix original Carter is damn sure going to try...
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Aug 16, 2022
Episode 101: Men
Episode One Hundred and One: Men (2022)
Suspense! As is turns out, James didn't want a thriller at all -- he wanted a suspense movie. Accordingly, it's up to the boys to convince him that this "folk horror" -- per Wikipedia -- is sufficiently chilling. With a title like Men, I bet all the guys in this one are just real swell. It's Alex Garland directing Jessie Buckley and a downright unnecessary number of Rory Kinnear clones.
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Aug 9, 2022
Episode 100: The Gray Man
Episode One Hundred: The Gray Man (2022)
We've been doing this for a hundred episodes now, and the movies are just as unnecessary as ever. James wasn't interested in watching Spiderhead, so we brought him a thriller with a lot more explosions, Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans, podcast favorite Ana de Armas, and Billy Bob Thornton. If you don't think those names just scream "covert operations," then you're not as well-versed in the art of spycraft as is Chris Evans' firefighter moustache.
*Are film critics losing sync with audiences?*
*by Stephen Follows*
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Aug 2, 2022
Episode 99: Spiderhead
Episode Ninety-Nine: Spiderhead (2022)
The wheel has demanded thrillers, so Russ and Frye picked a movie that is definitely classified as a thriller on Wikipedia. Spiderhead shows us a terrible world where pharmaceutical companies are also prisons run by Chris Hemsworth, and are about as unethical as they are in real life. Miles Teller and Jurnee Smollett round out our cast of prisoners in this movie that has zero spiders in it. The unthinkable happens on untitled.txt.
*Fatal Distraction by Gene Weingarten*
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Jul 26, 2022
Episode 98: BIGBUG
Episode Ninety-Eight: BIGBUG (2022)
James is under the impression that countries other than the USA make comedies, so it's up to Russ and Frye to go along with that. Jean-Pierre Jeunet has brought us classics like Amélie, The City of Lost Children, and also Alien Resurrection, because we all have to take an L sometimes. In BIGBUG, we get to watch a bunch of futuristic French people stuck in lockdown with their robots while everyone tries and fails to get shagged. Yes, the robots try and fail too. Are French laughs superior to American laughs? We'll find out soon enough.
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Jul 19, 2022
Episode 97: The Last Days of Coney Island
Episode Ninety-Seven: The Last Days of Coney Island (2015)
Independent animation. We do pick some good ones here, don't we? Who better to tempt James than the architect of so many of your childhood nightmares -- Ralph Bakshi. Here he is presenting the last piece he made before he retired from the animation game. We'll be honest -- it wasn't a close call on this episode.
Make Good Art
by Neil Gaiman
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Jul 12, 2022
Episode 96: The Last Days of Capitalism
Episode Ninety-Six: The Last Days of Capitalism (2021)
James didn't want to watch Tom Hanks and his pet robot, so we're going even more dramatic this week. What could be more dramatic than a single Vegas hotel room, two people, sex, drugs, and a lot of cash. Pair all that with a bunch of pseudo-philosophical gibberish and you have this week's movie, or pretty much any other episode of Hey James, Watch This!
La Traversée -- The Journey
Directed by Ève Saint-Louis
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Jul 5, 2022
Episode 95: Finch
Episode Ninety-Five: Finch (2021)
James has a LOT to say about Assassin 33 A.D., but Russ and Frye are not to be contained. The wheel demands drama, so we brought it sci-fi. Well. Sci-fi drama. More fi than sci. It's Tom Hanks, C-3PO, a Roomba, and Toto wandering around a Fallout 76 map, and somehow we didn't just describe an episode of Love Death + Robots.
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Jun 28, 2022
Episode 94: Assassin 33 A.D.
Episode Ninety-Four: Assassin 33 A.D. (2020)
The boys have finally done it. It took ninety-four episodes, but they finally broke James. If you haven't heard of it by now, you should have. This is the movie with no audience in mind. It's a faith-based picture where Islamic terrorists create a time machine so they can go back in time and cap Jesus, but worry not -- there's a Jewish scientist ready to save the day. It's the movie that could've only been made by a Christian.
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Jun 21, 2022
Episode 93: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga
Episode Ninety-Three: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)
Actors forced to sing. Is there any more hellish fate than the musical? Maybe trying to convince James to watch one is worse. It seems like it's been ages since Stuck, hasn't it? The boys are back from vacation, and they've brought Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams in the best tribute to Eurovision since Eurovision itself. Þetta Reddast.
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Jun 14, 2022
Episode 92: The Return of the Cutting Room Floor - Summer 2022!
This is the last vacation week for HJWT, so please enjoy these outtakes from our second season!
Regular episodes resume next week!
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Jun 7, 2022
Episode 91: The Cutting Room Floor - Summer 2022!
The boys are on vacation this week, so please enjoy these outtakes from our second season!
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May 31, 2022
Episode 90: Stuck
Episode Ninety: Stuck (2017)
The wheel wishes to punish us. It craves musicals. This one has Giancarlo Esposito in it, and it's certainly a musical. Beyond that, the boys are even further out of their (already tenuous) element. While Rent is a modern adaptation of La Bohème set against the background of the HIV/AIDS epidemic of the early 90's in Manhattan, Stuck is about six people stuck on an MTA subway train. Tune up the orchestra...
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May 24, 2022
Episode 89: Psychokinesis
Episode Eighty-Nine: Psychokinesis (2018)
염력 (2018)
The wheel has spoken -- it's foreign (foreign) action! Accordingly, the boys have gone as far from the States as possible -- South Korea. It's a superhero movie that hits some realistic beats that the standard Marvel staples tend to miss, but will that be good -- and foreign -- enough for James? What even makes a realistic superhero movie anyway? Why is reality repeating itself on untitled.txt?
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May 17, 2022
Episode 88: Ready or Not
Episode Eighty-Eight: Ready or Not (2019)
James didn't want to see The Hunt, so Russ and Frye have gone back to the ol' Most Dangerous Game well. They're still hunting people this week, but this one has slightly less politics. Samara Weaving -- who is definitely not Margot Robbie -- gets to dust off her best wedding dress and brightest yellow Chuck Taylors so she can run from her brand new in-laws who are intent on killing her to fulfill a generations-old Faustian bargain. This movie dares to answer the question, "What if the Milton Bradley family dealt in just as much people-hunting as it did board games?"
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May 10, 2022
Episode 87: The Hunt
Episode Eighty-Seven: The Hunt (2019)
The Wheel has spoken. It's horror, and it's Frye's least-favorite film genre. Surprisingly, we might've found one he enjoys! Unfortunately, it doesn't matter if Frye likes it or not -- we've got to convince James that he likes it. Betty Gilpin and Hilary Swank lead our cast in hunting The Most Dangerous Game. If you only see one political-satire-horror-comedy this year, watch Get Out again. If you watch two, consider The Hunt.
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May 3, 2022
Episode 86: All the Old Knives
Episode Eighty-Six: All the Old Knives (2022)
It's Chris Pine! It's Thandie Newton! It's Jonathan Pryce! It's Laurence Fishburne! They're all spies, but who's the mole? It's definitely one of them, and it takes a whole movie for them to tell us who's guilty. The Wheel commanded us to do a thriller, so we made it a spy thriller. Tinker Tailor this ain't.
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Apr 26, 2022
Episode 85: Mythica: A Quest for Heroes
Episode Eighty-Five: Mythica: A Quest for Heroes (2014)
How do all the most stereotypical D&D campaigns start? They met in a tavern. And indeed they do in Mythica -- a movie we chose because James said he wanted fantasy. It so happens that we know JUST the kind of fantasy that James likes. Funded by Kickstarter, this is the most labor-of-love movie based on D&D you'll see this month. That is, unless you watch one of the four sequels.
Watch Mythica: A Quest for Heroes (2014)
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Apr 19, 2022
Episode 84: Moonfall
Episode Eighty-Four: Moonfall (2022)
James didn't request this one -- Russ demanded it. The Master of Disaster Roland Emmerich is back to his usual nonsense. For a man who has destroyed the entire world at least five times, what's left to do but drop the whole moon out of the sky? If you saw Independence Day, Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012, AND Independence Day: Resurgence, but you didn't think Earth was destroyed QUITE enough in those flicks, then maybe Moonfall is right up your alley.
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Apr 12, 2022
Episode 83: Reminiscence
Episode Eighty-Three: Reminiscence (2021)
Last week's theft just wasn't good enough, was it? We just had to find another thief, didn't we? Well, fine then. This week you get Hugh Jackman at his wettest. As if Miami wasn't already miserable enough, writer and director Lisa Joy has to go and flood the place for her neo-noir yarn. James isn't satisfied with stealing money -- so how about stealing memories? No, not the Inception way.
"Pinched" by David Vandervoort
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Apr 5, 2022
Episode 82: Windfall
Episode Eighty-Two: Windfall (2022)
This week James thirsted for theft, thieves, thievishness, and the boys very nearly delivered. Lily Collins, Jason Segel, and Jesse Plemons round out almost the entire cast of this cringeworthy attempt at burglary-turned-hostage dramedy. Will this flick be enough to staunch James's hunger for MORE, or will Russ and Frye be cracking another safe next week?
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Mar 29, 2022
Episode 81: The World of Kanako
Episode Eighty-One: The World of Kanako (2014)
渇き (2014)
CW - descriptions of cinematic sexual assault
This week James wanted thievery, but Russ wasn't done with unlikeable protagonists. Accordingly, he brought in Kōji Yakusho, Nana Komatsu, and director Tetsuya Nakashima to do his dirty work. While there might be one or two instances of thievery in this movie, there are much darker forces at play. With a movie this bleak, you've gotta talk nihilism and ice cream.
The World of Kanako poster / trailer
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Mar 22, 2022
Episode 80: Steve Jobs
Episode Eighty: Steve Jobs (2015)
This week James wanted his protagonists unlikeable. Is anyone more unlikable than America's favorite middle manager turned CEO? We might end up speaking ill of the dead on this episode, if this Aaron Sorkin-penned biopic isn't lying. Is it better to be liked? Would a narcissist even care? James is about to find out.
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Mar 15, 2022
Episode 79: Tracers
Episode Seventy-Nine: Tracers (2015)
James wasn't satisfied with last week's parkour offering, so the boys have to watch more parkour. Fortunately we have the mighty squint of Taylor Lautner to lead us this week. What's better than an organized crime ring? A parkour-themed organized crime ring! Perhaps this will satisfy James so we can stop watching people needlessly flipping over cars.
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Mar 8, 2022
Episode 78: Freerunner
Episode Seventy-Eight: Freerunner (2011)
James wanted a movie about parkour. As it turns out, there are lots of movies about parkour! As it also turns out, Frye has continued his long-standing tradition of choosing a real winner. Thrill to the tale of billionaires betting small fortunes on the outcome of an especially hoppy footrace around a city. Will the boys be able to slip one by ol' James?
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Mar 1, 2022
Episode 77: Tolkien
Episode Seventy-Seven: Tolkien (2019)
We're still not doing Victorian England. This week it's a bunch of schoolboys and Edwardian England. One of these schoolboys might've grown up to become one of the most beloved and influential authors of the English language, but you're going to watch him throughout his youthful shenanigans. Nicholas Hoult returns as everyone's favorite fantasy author. Unfortunately, James knows a thing or two about this guy...
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Feb 22, 2022
Episode 76: The Current War
Episode Seventy-Six: The Current War (2017)
It's a point of pride, friends. If we're tasked with period pieces, we're definitely not doing Victorian England. Perhaps that's to our detriment. This week we're talking about the late 1800s in the good ol' USA when rich white men threw electricity at other rich white men. This is Edison vs Westinghouse vs Tesla and the championship belt is how you recharge your phone today. Benedict Cumberbatch meets Michael Shannon meets Nicholas Hoult meets Tom Holland. So, Doctor Strange meets General Zod meets Nux meets Spider-Man. This is The Current War.
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Feb 15, 2022
Episode 75: The Dinosaur Project
Episode Seventy-Five: The Dinosaur Project (2012)
James wasn't happy with the dinosaurs that Jurassic Hunt had to offer, so maybe he'll be happier with this found-footage flick direct from the UK. We never would've believed that one could cram so much cryptozoology into one movie, but this picture proved how mistaken we were. The SFX budget is also higher than last week's. Here's just another movie showing why you shouldn't chase conspiracy theories.
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Feb 8, 2022
Episode 74: Jurassic Hunt
Episode Seventy-Four: Jurassic Hunt (2021)
An intrepid listener out there requested dinosaurs, and it just so happens that James loves dinosaurs! This movie is contractually obligated to tell you that it isn't affiliated with the Jurassic Park / Jurassic World franchise at all, but that won't stop it from heavily implying otherwise. Marvel at an SFX budget that's higher than Birdemic, but lower than Sharknado.
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Feb 1, 2022
Episode 73: They Call Me Jeeg
Episode Seventy-Three: They Call Me Jeeg (2015)
Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot
James wants *more* obscure superheroes? Well, then it's off to Italy! James gets to find out everything there is to know about the best Italian superhero that's a tribute to a Japanese manga/anime. Are grounded superhero stories better? Is this story even grounded? Do we need another superhero movie? There's only one way to find out.
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Jan 25, 2022
Episode 72: Hentai Kamen
Episode Seventy-Two: Hentai Kamen (2013)
HK 変態仮面
Obscure superheroes? Don't mind if we do! James gets to learn all about the most perverted superhero this side of a mankini. It's not the most surprising thing that this panty-faced movie comes from Japan, and we'll find out why. It also doesn't hurt that Ryohei Suzuki is easy on the eyes.
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Jan 18, 2022
Episode 71: Greed
Episode Seventy-One: Greed (2019)
James wanted satire, so James gets satire. The boys find themselves dealing with the Brits again -- specifically Steve Coogan, David Mitchell, Dinita Gohil, and director Michael Winterbottom. Does power corrupt? Is money the root of all evil? It's a hard time for satire, but this movie tries its best.
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Jan 11, 2022
Episode 70: Survivor
Episode Seventy: Survivor (2015)
Happy 2022! We're just as surprised as you are that we've made it this far. This is a long one, because there's a lot of unnecessary movie to discuss. The boys are off to London to ring in the new year with Pierce Brosnan, Milla Jovovich, Roger Rees, and director James McTeigue. It's called Survivor, but we have no idea why.
Welcome to Season 2! Hey James, Watch This!
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Jan 4, 2022
Episode 69: The Cutting Room Floor -- Part 3!
Episode Sixty-Nine -- *The Final Outtakes Episode of the First Season!*
Once again -- we're not trying to convince James to watch anything! We're giving you one more listen at cut banter from our first season. Enjoy, and Happy 2022!
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Dec 28, 2021
Episode 68: The Cutting Room Floor -- Part 2!
Episode Sixty-Eight -- *Another Outtakes Episode!*
This week -- we're not trying to convince James to watch anything! We're giving you a second peek behind the curtain at more cut banter from our first season. Enjoy!
Hearts of Hot Shots! Part Deux -- A Filmmaker's Apology - Part 1
Hearts of Hot Shots! Part Deux -- A Filmmaker's Apology - Part Deux
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Dec 21, 2021
Episode 67: SINT
Episode Sixty-Seven: Sint (2010)
Saint
Saint Nick
For our final regular episode of 2021, we're off to the Netherlands to deal with Sinterklaas. Along the way we'll tackle Black Pete, blackface, the stupidity of Columbus, and the best darn Santa-as-a-demon-zombie movie we've seen this year. Stay tuned after the episode to hear David Sedaris read "Six to Eight Black Men." For the next two weeks, you'll hear our remaining outtakes episodes. Happy Holidays!
"Six to Eight Black Men," by David Sedaris
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Dec 14, 2021
Episode 66: Christmas Icetastrophe!
Episode Sixty-Six: Christmas Icetastrophe (2014)
We've got even more hot chocolate-scented candles here at HJWT, and we're not so wholesome this time. We're not entirely sure whether it's Christmas Icetastrophe or just Icetastrophe. We're not entirely sure the creators are either. Learn all about meteors, misers, and the makings of a Christmas movie.
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Dec 7, 2021
Episode 65: Pottersville
Episode Sixty-Five: Pottersville (2017)
It's the holiday season here at HJWT and we've gone entirely too wholesome. It's Michael Shannon, it's Ron Perlman, it's Ian McShane, it's Christina Hendricks, it's Judy Greer, and it's Pottersville. James doesn't know it yet, but this movie has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. We also have an epic end to an epic untitled.txt.
Play this untitled.txt here!
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Nov 30, 2021
Episode 64: The Gentlemen
Episode Sixty-Four: The Gentlemen (2019)
Deception, Duplicity, and Double-Dealing! The theme this week was movie betrayals, so the boys return to London to say hi to our old friend Guy Ritchie. He's bringing his crew of usual suspects and throwing Matthew McConaughey and Colin Farrell into the mix. Untitled.txt grows ever wilder.
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Nov 23, 2021
Episode 63: The Last Knight
Episode Sixty-Three: The Last Knight (2017)
Последний богатырь
The Last Warrior
Poslyedniy bogatyr
The Last Bogatyr
The boys are off to Russia this week for a dose of magic, folklore, fairy tales, and Russian Disney. Russ pulled a fast one because he knew James was the biggest fan of Slavic folklore. A tight, tight race on untitled.txt continues.
A Brief History of Russian Folklore
by: ADA WORDSWORTH
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Nov 16, 2021
Episode 62: Crank: High Voltage
Episode Sixty-Two: Crank: High Voltage (2009)
Twist villains? Don't mind if we do! On this episode the boys crown Jason Statham as the patron saint of this podcast with his sequel to the classic Crank. The man has brought us some of the most unnecessary movies, and he's damn sure not going to disappoint this time.
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Nov 9, 2021
Episode 61: Rurouni Kenshin: The Beginning
Episode Sixty-One: Rurouni Kenshin: The Beginning (2021)
るろうに剣心 最終章 The Beginning
It's too early for the holiday movies, so this week the boys are dealing with protagonists who switch sides. Time to dust off the ol' live-action anime adaptations as we follow everyone's favorite murder tornado Kenshin Himura as he transforms from the Battōsai into the pacifist we all love.
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Nov 2, 2021
Episode 60: Ma
Episode Sixty -- *Ma* (2019)
Well -- that's it for Spoopy Season. This week is the last chance for the boys to convince James, so we conclude the scares with Ma. If Octavia Spencer can't get James to watch this movie, it's safe to say Halloween will be ruined. BOO!
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Oct 26, 2021
Episode 59: What Lies Below
Episode Fifty-Nine -- *What Lies Below* (2020)
We're back to our regular format and SPOOPY season continues with horror / mystery movies. The boys still haven't convinced James, so this week it's Mena Suvari and What Lies Below. You can also enjoy the most tragic Untitled.txt ever. BOO!
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Oct 19, 2021
Episode 58: The Void -- WATCH-ALONG!
Episode Fifty-Eight -- *The Void* (2016)
SPOOPY season continues with our first ever watch-along! James will give you a countdown and you can hit play along with us. You'll find the movie linked below. If you don't want to bother with all that, we also did all the work for you! The other link is to an already-rendered version of the movie with our voices MST3K style! Stay spoopy!
Watch The Void! Press play when told!
Watch The Void, but with our irritating voices! No second pressing of play required!
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Oct 12, 2021
Episode 57: Malignant
Episode Fifty-Seven -- *Malignant* (2021)
SPOOPY season continues with horror / mystery movies. The boys are diving into the recent work of James Wan with Malignant. Along the way we're sure to talk about the early horror work of your favorite stars in Untitled.txt. So...boo, I guess?
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Oct 5, 2021
Episode 56: Galaxy of Horrors
Episode Fifty-Six -- *Galaxy of Horrors* (2017)
One and all, it is SPOOPY season, so the boys are kicking the month of October off with horror movies not set on Earth. This is also the first horror anthology movie we've had on this pod-kisst. So would you kindly follow us into all our darkest timelines?
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Sep 28, 2021
Episode 55: OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies
Episode Fifty-Five -- *OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies* (2006)
*OSS 117 : Le Caire, nid d'espions*
James wanted running gags, so James gets running gags. This week it's a French spy film spoof. Come see Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, and Michel Hazanavicius a full five years before they won precisely every Oscar for The Artist (2011). There's also a terrible history lesson.
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Sep 21, 2021
Episode 54: Cruella
Episode Fifty-Four -- *Cruella* (2021)
James didn't like our last sympathetic villain, so we've got to try again. This week it's the prequel no one wanted -- Cruella. Emma Stone and Emma Thompson tear through the Disney fashion world all so we can find out why this lady wants to skin Dalmatians so much. No backstory shall remain untold.
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Sep 14, 2021
Episode 53: Fahrenheit 451
Episode Fifty-Three -- *Fahrenheit 451* (2018)
Having conquered product placement, the boys move on to sympathetic villains. It's the adaptation of the Ray Bradbury classic you didn't read in high school, Fahrenheit 451. No, not that adaptation -- this one has Michael B. Jordan and Michael Shannon. Frye also really wants to talk about Marble League 2021.
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Sep 7, 2021
Episode 52: Bad Boys for Life
Episode Fifty-Two -- *Bad Boys for Life* (2020)
This week -- movies with unnecessary product placement! If you're not caught up on the Bad Boys series, don't worry -- our boys still have you covered. The intrepid three are talking Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Joey Pants, and just so, so, so much product placement.
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Aug 31, 2021
Episode 51: The Cutting Room Floor!
Episode Fifty-One -- *The Outtakes Episode!*
This week -- we're not trying to convince James to watch anything! We're giving you a peek behind the curtain at our cut banter from our first year. Enjoy!
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Aug 24, 2021
Episode 50: Death Race: Beyond Anarchy
Episode Fifty -- *Death Race: Beyond Anarchy* (2018)
This week -- movies with battling factions! If you're not caught up on the Death Race series, don't worry -- the boys have you covered. The boys are talking the 2010s spree of movies adapted from YA literature, our favorite Dannies, and art for art's sake. And the Death Race.
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Aug 17, 2021
Episode 49: Aniara
Episode Forty-Nine -- *Aniara* (2018)
It's once again time for movies not based on land! The boys are talking Sweden, inter-planetary cruises, existential terror, the void of space, and preachy movies. It's either a generational ship, or a purge!
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Aug 10, 2021
Episode 48: The Meg
Episode Forty-Eight -- *The Meg* (2018)
It's time for movies not based on land! The boys are talking Jason Statham, Jason Statham's abs, megalodons, sharks larger than megalodons, and orca poison. So many missed opportunities...
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Aug 3, 2021
Episode 47: Words Bubble Up Like Soda Pop
Episode Forty-Seven -- *Words Bubble Up Like Soda Pop* (2020)
Is it rom-com? Is it anime? Yes it is. The boys are talking romance, anime, and all manners of weebiness. This movie is gorgeous and we can't think of a single reason you shouldn't see it.
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Jul 27, 2021
Episode 46: Jiu Jitsu
Episode Forty-Six -- *Jiu Jitsu* (2020)
Challenged with fantasy again, Russ and Frye take up the gauntlet. The boys are talking jiu jitsu, robot ninjas, comets, portals, and Nicolas Cage. This movie is even less of a fantasy, but when you have Tony Jaa it'll be fanciful enough.
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Jul 20, 2021
Episode 45: Knights of Badassdom
Episode Forty-Five -- *Knights of Badassdom* (2013)
It's all things fantasy this week. The boys are talking LARP, magic spells, swordplay, and all associated nerdiness. This movie is barely a fantasy, but when you have Peter Dinklage, you score a lot of points.
Coping with Emotional Bleed During Roleplay
By: Courtney Kraft
https://geekandsundry.com/coping-with-emotional-bleed-during-roleplay/
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Jul 13, 2021
Episode 44: Major Grom: Plague Doctor
Episode Forty-Four -- *Major Grom: Plague Doctor* (2021)
*Майор Гром: Чумной Доктор*
MORE. Things. Action. The boys have moved on to loose-cannon cops and Russian superheroes. This movie is based off a Russian comic book. We need the extended universe.
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Jul 6, 2021
Episode 43: Extracted by Thor
Episode Forty-Three -- *Extracted* (2020)
All. Things. Action. The boys have moved onto explosions and car chases. This flick has Chris Hemsworth -- played by Thor -- racking up a count of 183 bodies in 117 minutes. He does so to unkidnap a kid.
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Jun 29, 2021
Episode 42: Crooked House
Episode Forty-Two -- *Crooked House* (2017)
Whodunit indeed...again. The boys continue down their list of the not-so-usual suspects. This yarn comes directly from the pen of Agatha Christie, but should it have stayed there?
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Jun 22, 2021
Episode 41: The Tangle
Episode Forty-One -- *The Tangle* (2021)
Whodunit indeed. The boys have moved on from time loops to mysteries and the solving thereof. This sleuth story is from the future and probably should've stayed there.
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Jun 15, 2021
Episode 40: BOSS LEVEL
Episode Forty -- *Boss Level* (2021)
Time loops, time loops, time loops. Untitled.txt plays the reverse UNO card. The movie is about time loops. The boys talk about time loops.
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Jun 8, 2021
Episode 39: Stargate: Continuum
Episode Thirty-Nine -- *Stargate: Continuum* (2008)
Stargate, time travel, time travel, time travel. Untitled.txt is about movie themes. The movie is about time travel and Stargate. The boys talk about Stargate.
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Jun 1, 2021
Episode 38: The Moon Opened the Time Holes!
Episode Thirty-Eight -- *In the Shadow of the Moon* (2019)
Time travel, time travel, time travel. Untitled.txt is about time travel. The movie is about time travel. The boys talk about time travel.
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May 25, 2021
Episode 37: Gretel & Hansel
Episode Thirty-Seven -- *Gretel & Hansel* (2020)
Wherein horror reigns. We find classic horror on untitled.txt and modern adaptations in the movie. The Brothers are surely Grimm.
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May 18, 2021
Episode 36: Split -- No, Not That One!
Episode Thirty-Six -- *Split* (2016)
Wherein we learn that the boys know nothing of sports movies. So much talk of bowling abounds. Could the sport unite the world?
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May 11, 2021
Episode 35: It's Not a Money Heist -- It's a Hurricane Heist!
Episode Thirty-Five -- *The Hurricane Heist* (2018)
A new Untitled.txt looms. The boys talk about weather and heists. Casual mentions of The Jargon File abound. Who doesn't love a bit of disaster capitalism?
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May 4, 2021
Episode 34: MORTAL KOMBAT
Episode Thirty-Four -- *Mortal Kombat* (2021)
We finally have a winner on Untitled.txt. The boys talk about Mortal Kombat -- a lot. Test your might. Choose your destiny.
The crucifix KO that Russ mentioned.
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Apr 27, 2021
Episode 33: HOLY HELL
Episode Thirty-Three -- *Holy Hell* (2016)
The boys talk about movie tropes. Then they talk about cults. Don't get sucked into a cult, but do show Necco Wafers some love -- they could probably use it.
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Apr 20, 2021
Episode 32: Ne Zha
Episode Thirty-Two -- *Ne Zha* (2019)
We watched the highest-grossing animated film in China -- based on the (mythological) life of Ne Zha. It took thirty-two episodes, but the boys encountered a problem. We all liked the movie.
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Apr 13, 2021
Episode 31: RADIOACTIVE
Episode Thirty-One -- *Radioactive* (2019)
Based on the life of Marie Curie. Radioactive radium. Radioactive people. Radioactive toothpaste. Radioactive cigarettes. Radioactive condoms.
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Apr 6, 2021
Episode 30: Godzilla vs Kong vs The Giant Teacher
Episode Thirty -- *Attack of the Giant Teacher* (2020)
And to a lesser extent -- *Godzilla vs Kong* (2021)
Kaiju attack! Frye and James argue. Teachers grow big. A lizard punches an ape.
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Mar 30, 2021
Episode 29: Dogwashers
Episode Twenty-Nine -- *Dogwashers* (2020)
The boys find themselves in Colombia this week to watch the most ineffective narcos go head-to-head with the most ineffective cops while the other most ineffective narcos look on. Werner Herzog returns for untitled.txt, and this time he's joined by The Bard.
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Mar 23, 2021
Episode 28: Baahubali 2: The Conclusion
Episode Twenty-Eight -- *Baahubali 2: The Conclusion* (2017)
Spectacle. Spectacle. The father becomes the son. Perhaps the son becomes the father. Perhaps none of it matters. Is the spectacle the message? Is the message the spectacle? Last week's untitled.txt proves to be a fluke. Spectacle.
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Mar 16, 2021
Episode 27: 24 Hours to Live
Episode Twenty-Seven -- *24 Hours to Live* (2017)
Wherein everyone's favorite generic white guy gets turned into an assassin spy zombie and learns to love again. As a bonus, the stakes get raised on untitled.txt.
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Mar 9, 2021
Episode 26: Five Nights at Willy's Wonderland
Episode Twenty-Six -- *Willy's Wonderland* (2021)
Wherein it becomes clear that Russ and Frye have no idea what constitutes a thriller movie. Nicolas Cage. Animatronics. Silent Protagonists. Childhood. Soda. Pizza. What's not to love?
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Mar 2, 2021
Episode 25: Unicorn Store
Episode Twenty-Five -- *Unicorn Store *(2017)
Wherein it becomes clear the boys have no idea what constitutes a romance movie. There's also talk of Home Depot and Australia's fauna.
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Feb 23, 2021
Episode 24: Detective Pikachu, I Choose You!
Episode Twenty-Four -- *Pokemon Detective Pikachu *(2019)
Because what says hard-boiled detective yarn better than a neon yellow electricity rat?
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Feb 16, 2021
Episode 23: Hammered with the Gods
Episode Twenty-Three -- *Hammer of the Gods *(2013)
If James wants Vikings, Russ and Frye are gonna give him Vikings!
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Feb 9, 2021
Episode 22: The Rock vs The Skyscraper
Episode Twenty-Two -- *Skyscraper *(2018)
In which all good ideas are stolen, Dwayne Johnson climbs a building, and perfect scenes are left on the cutting room floor.
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Feb 2, 2021
Episode 21: Wonder Woman 1984
Episode Twenty-One -- *Wonder Woman 1984 *(2021)
In which Frye and Russ try to convince James to watch 2021's first great body horror! Also, there's plenty of talk about rope.
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Jan 26, 2021
Episode 20: Don't Shoot to be First on the Moon, Shoot to be First Among the Stars!
Episode Twenty -- *First on the Moon *-or- *Pervye na Lune *(2005)
Did you know the Russians were actually first on the Moon? Neither did we! As a bonus, episode 20 comes with way more arguments!
Watch the movie here!
https://youtu.be/O1Cu8IZy6xA
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Jan 19, 2021
Episode 19: Little Joe Sure Can't Sing
Episode Nineteen -- *Little Joe *(2019)
What do possibly-nefarious plants, gaslighting, antidepressants, flower shows, botany, geneticists, unique nonsense, committee nonsense, Capgras delusion, and pod people all have in common? If nothing else -- this episode.
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Jan 12, 2021
Episode 18: Viy The Iron Mask Journeys to China 2
Episode Eighteen -- *Viy 2: Journey to China*, or *Journey to China: The Mystery of Iron Mask*, or *The Mystery of Dragon Seal*, or *The Dragon Seal*, or *The Iron Mask*, or *Iron Mask *(2019)
With this many producers, your fantasy / pirate / martial arts / power armor / steampunk / wushu / CGI / wizard / fantasy movie must be good!
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Jan 5, 2021
Episode 17: Vivarium
Episode Seventeen -- *Vivarium* (2019)
vai·*veh*·ree·uhm
noun
* an enclosure, container, or structure adapted or prepared for keeping animals under seminatural conditions for observation or study or as pets; an aquarium or terrarium.
Wherein the boys start off the new year with a creature feature!
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Dec 29, 2020
Episode 16: Six Degrees of Yolki
Episode Sixteen -- *Yolki *or *Six Degrees of Celebration* (2010)
With Frye under the weather this week, our guest host is Lauren!
https://twitter.com/lehudgins?s=21
What better way to ring in the new year than with Russian holiday sentimentality?
You can ring in the New Year with *Yolki* too!
https://youtu.be/7MH-cqCADyA
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Dec 22, 2020
Episode 15: El Camino Christmas
Episode Fifteen -- *El Camino Christmas* (2017)
He sprang to his car, to the cops gave a whistle,
And hid in the liquor store with so many pistols.
But I heard him exclaim, ere the day turned to night,
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, ALL! MAY YOUR CHRISTMAS BE BRIGHT!
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Dec 15, 2020
Episode 14: The Night Before
Episode Fourteen -- *The Night Before* (2015)
When out in New York there arose such a clatter,
A podcast was needed to settle the matter.
To the Nutcracker Ball they flew like a flash,
With Seth Rogan, his buddies, and bunches of hash.
For more on the NCCU scandal --
https://www.wired.co.uk/article/netflix-christmas-cinematic-universe
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Dec 8, 2020
Episode 13: The Knight Before Christmas
Episode Thirteen -- *The Knight Before Christmas* (2019)
'Twas the Knight Before Christmas, when all through Ohio
A plotline was stirring, with a big armoured himbo;
The stockings were hung by Alexa with care,
In hopes that our boys could catch James unawares.
Now with 100% fixed audio!
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Dec 1, 2020
Episode 12: The Episode That Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot
Episode Twelve -- *The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot* (2018)
Wherein the boys discuss Sam Elliott, Sam Elliott's mustache, regret, fate, Hitler, Nietzsche, and Frye decides to record his audio on a lidless trash bin.
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Nov 24, 2020
Episode 11: Night Quirk
Episode Eleven -- *The Night Clerk* (2020)
Being an examination of voyeurism, hidden cameras, hotels, the autism spectrum, voyeurism, and voyeurism.
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Nov 17, 2020
Episode 10: Mute Point
Episode Ten -- *Mute* (2018)
Wherein silence is golden, plots are derivative, .txts are untitled, magic has rules, and Paul Rudd has a giant moustache.
Next week -- murder mystery!
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Nov 10, 2020
Episode 9: LOVE IS WAR!
Episode Nine -- *Kaguya-sama: Love Is War* (2019)
Wherein the boys take on terrible movie pitches, Japanese teen romance, the Coen Brothers, the Rock, and everything else tenuously related to above.
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Nov 3, 2020
Episode 8: Bottom of the Barrel
Episode Eight -- Bottom of the World (2017)
What do Russ, Frye, and James have to say about one-star Amazon reviews, Route 66, and what happens when someone who isn't David Lynch makes a David Lynch movie?
"Oh, pain's a beautiful thing. In the end, it's the only thing we really deserve."
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Oct 27, 2020
Episode 7:The Dead Don't Die
Episode Seven --
"What do you think did this?"
"I'm thinking zombies."
"What?"
"You know, the undead. Ghouls."
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Oct 20, 2020
Episode 6: A BODY HAS BEEN DISCOVERED
Episode Six -- Wherein the boys discover a Body at Brighton Rock.
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Oct 13, 2020
Episode 5: Hail Satan!
Episode Five -- Wherein our intrepid trio join Satan's finest MLM scheme.
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Oct 4, 2020
Episode 3: Squid Life
Episode Three --
Wherein we journey to the ISS to meet @vancityreynolds reprising his role from Black Superman.
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Oct 4, 2020
Episode 1: Jurassic Farce
Episode One --
Wherein our friends embark upon a dino-riffic journey.
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Oct 4, 2020
Episode 4: King Arfur
Episode Four --
LEGEND OF THE SWORD
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Oct 4, 2020
Episode 2: Hobbled and Shawshanked
Episode Two --
Wherein the three meet Black Superman.
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