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Horribly Off-Topic

E. Christopher Clark and Steve Woodbury

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A podcast by author E. Christopher Clark and comedian Steve Woodbury.

Horribly Off-Topic

Available episodes

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Newest first

Oldest first

Hand-Washing Hiatus

Chris and Steve are on an indefinite hiatus due to the Coronavirus crisis.

The Linda Hamilton Paradox

Would Steve ever consider adopting a primate? In what way is Chris like Tonya Harding? And what exactly is consensual kneecap banging?

Steve finds out what happens when LEGOs stop being polite and start getting real. Plus: whatever was stupid, that’s what Chris did.

Steve spoils the Yankee Cannonball, Chris thinks it’s better when bathrooms don’t have doors, and one of us is involved in a top-20 lesbian romance.

Chris is such a supportive daddy, Steve has SUCH strong feelings about crocs and socks, and the only Vs we want are the consummate ones.

Winnie the Pooh With a Bat

Steve gets things started with some Hawk Talk; Chris finally begins the recounting of his vacation to Orlando, Florida; and the fellas announce plans for the Horribly Off-Topic World theme park.

Where the Brassieres Live

Chris thinks someone in the relationship between the McDonald's and Coca-Cola corporations is the son of a fizzy bitch. Meanwhile, Steve wants to learn all about that lost Dr. Seuss classic "Horton Gets His Rectal Exam."

Your Future in College Radio

Find out what happens when Chris blames it on the drain, why someone once asked “Hey Steve, can you take care of this guy for me?” and who it is that’s just like one of our hosts, only not funny.

Muppets in the Middle

Chris overreacts when a guy tells him he’s not a Star Wars fan, Steve remembers Sam the Eagle’s name but can’t remember Sweetums’, and it’s 70 degrees outside in the middle of January.

Jingle Gel and the Junk Trunk

Chris asks for advice on "Rick and Morty," Steve coins the simile “like a warm human bidet,” and we learn why everybody on Twitter right now is like the Penguin.

Chris can’t choose between altra and regular, Steve woodburies the lede, and we research the etymology of the word dildo.

Anybody Who’s Everybody

Steve comes up as a crazy wave, Chris has a few miles on his metaphorical tires, and it’s a rare circumstance when a great movie is also a great pinball machine.

Steve says he’s never intentionally written anything, Chris wonders if the latest top-notch video game is just an updated version of PAPERBOY, and together we learn that you can’t double nothing.

My Buddy and Twin Sister

Steve calls the fire department and Chris explains why Kelly was Al Bundy’s Roadrunner.

The Headitor-in-Chief

No one brought their axes to class, Steve doesn’t know why he said “baby cat,” and Chris wonders if the kid from "Mid90s" will escape the corpse.

Freedom Factories

Chris stacks some wood, Steve plans a trip to the movies, and it turns out it’s called a “weird album.”

Crotchless Kid Rock

In which we learn Chris used to be a sloppy party bottom; Steve’s not a potato person anymore; and, if you’re starving, you could eat some fondant.

A Car That Isn't a Car

Steve visits Canobie Lake Park, Chris visits the Registry of Motor Vehicles, and one of us gets better at subtle nudging.

An Eye on Ziering

Chris has a full-on hard-on for Dr. Seuss, and Steve doesn't understand a balk unless it comes from a chicken.

Steve loves "The Boys," Chris doesn’t love King Richard’s Faire, and Maine really loves its Italians.

Petite Mademoiselles

Chris has a very brief Amazon bitch, Steve has some suggestions about where Chris should start with Terry Gilliam, and we realize that we’ve always wanted to be a part of someone’s algorithm.

Steve turns 40, Chris learns what a “butt funnel” is, and we wonder if an atomic whoopee cushion could stop a hurricane.

Fart Is the Mind-Killer

Chris and Steve are joined by special guest Ryan for an episode where somebody loves a thick font, somebody wonders if Chris Evans was in "The Pirates of Penzance," and we debate the parentage of Maximillian Goof.

A HOT Summer Vacation

Chris has a brief announcement.

If That's What It Came To

Steve says he’s Both Guy, Chris needs to get himself a Little-Guy swagger, and someone DOES want to buy Dongclaw BUT…

Silver Ball Busters

Steve is both a newsboy and a newsman, Chris wonders what it might take to get higher than Phil Collins, and we learn what distinguishes the pros vs. the amateurs when it comes to verbs.

Did Chris buy Steve’s PS4 just because of his daughters’ love for high-end dollar stores? And did Steve really order a plate of endless broccoli? Listen now, and find out!

Catfishing Before It Was Cool

Chris liked holding the B button, Steve always wanted to visit Technical Town, and it turns out that there are two Kisses and not just one.

The Nightwing is the Right Wing

Someone loves Fruity Pebbles in a major way, someone wants to start a pirate franchise of his very own, and somewhere—SOMEWHERE—there’s a dog with boxing gloves on his hands.

Steve keeps on calling it The Salty Box and Chris keeps hating on yard sales, but the bumbles definitely don’t hate the hydrangea.

A Singular Timberlakian Accomplishment

The Tascam is out of the bag, Steve thinks our tombstones should be empty pizza boxes, and Chris asks if 'Troll 2' is better at being a bad movie than 'The Room.'

A Tissue on Deck

Chris announces the fate of his exquisite jingle corpse and Steve refuses to explain why he has a bag of boogies.

SPOILERS: Chris and Steve share their controversial opinons about 'Avengers: Endgame' and 'The Long Night' (the third episode of the eighth season of 'Game of Thrones').

Angry Angry Hippos

Chris is a week behind and has a weak behind. Steve explains why people just get sick of laughing sometimes. And a local movie house picks bad young people.

Chris needs the best graphics card for boob touches and Steve becomes MacGyver for the movies.

Double Satisfied

Steve wonders if 'Thundercats' was the show that launched a thousand furries, but Chris thinks that everything is a thing and that it’s just a matter of when it got its name.

Doctors With Borders

Steve calls Chris a depresario, but all Chris wants to know is why Judy Blume never wrote a book for him.

An Unbeeped Version

Nobody showed Chris how to ease into a mullet. Meanwhile: Steve is rollin’ in the cheap and proclaiming his love for sloppy portmanteaus.

Chris and Steve get horribly off-topic from the get-go, then spend minutes 20-48 discussing the film 'Captain Marvel' (complete with spoilers).

Our Limited Skirmish

Steve wishes he could shuffle a sandwich together, Chris’ belt is named arbuckle, and we’ve both gotten a lot of triples in our lives.

Steve needs to crack the case, Chris intends ALL of his puns, and we learn why milk shakes bring all the boys to the yard but frappes don’t.

Don't Call It a Callback

Steve explains how wrestling is like edging, Chris takes inspiration from the old sleepy coat bang, and we learn the name of Jesus’ favorite laundry detergent.

The Begots Are the Best Part

Drew Carey is ruining Chris’ childhood. Meanwhile, Steve is wondering: when she makes a mistake, do they call her Robin Wrong?

Therapy Spoken by Chris

Steve is sick of farting Fitchburgians drinking tall boys on the train, Chris is worried his therapist will tell him Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria isn't a real thing, and we imagine what would happen if we traveled back to the age of meaty candy bar phones.

Super Bowl Sunday Pordcast

In which we, two conflicted New England liberals, can't decide if we want our hometown team to win or lose.

Problems With Pants

Chris has troubles with trousers. Steve wonders if you can make paper out of a willow tree.

Second-Wave Vegans

Steve got rid of his bag of boogies, Chris is looking for people who enjoy the penis, and we ask the most important question ever: was Wilford Brimley ever cut?

Suas Calças Estão Cheias de Queijo

Steve brings our old pal Leo by the studio for a visit, Chris distinguishes himself as a blue-balled man of integrity, and we learn how Proud Boys and Incels are really just modern-day orcs.

Hashtag Not My Dog

Basically: the dog was He-Man, so Chris couldn't like it.

Trigger Warning Too Late

This week we ask the profoundly important question: if Hitler had magic, could he make Chris enjoy an episode of 'Seinfeld'?

The Museum of Fine Farts

Chris would rather be Scottish than Irish, Steve played Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, and we solicit suggestions for how to finally get Chris into 'Seinfeld.'

Stevil and Carlsbad

Chris wonders if shit is holy in all of the Abrahamic religions. Meanwhile: Steve says ‘If you’re going to have a sequel, have a sequel. But don’t call it a comeback.’

Dasani and the Sierra Mist Singers

Steve gets his nails did in Ireland, Mr. Pibb is Dr. Pepper without the degree, and Chris swears that Hall & Oates has one mustache too many.

Complete Defensive Porpoises

Chris breaks a promise, Steve visits the Dingle Peninsula, and it turns out it's hard to explain a wax museum on the radio.

Trach My Word For It

Steve continues to recount his Irish honeymoon, Chris announces the release of his next book, and we both offer our hot takes on the death of comics legend Stan Lee.

Steve recounts the first few days of his honeymoon while Chris taste-tests donut-flavored lube.

45 Minutes of Steve’s Balls

Steve got married and Chris never offered his arm.

Chris and Steve are taking a brief break from the show so that Steve can get married.

Legalize Wheelies

Chris goes to Portland, Oregon for the 2018 XOXO Festival, Steve goes to Portland, Maine for his bachelor party, and one of us goes to the mall and gets our prostrate massaged without meaning to.

Alt Water Wheel

Chris is going to the XOXO Festival in Portland, Oregon; Steve is having a bachelor party in Portland, Maine; and climate change in Portlands all over our fair planet is very, very real.

Hands-Free Driving

Steve has a birthday, Chris has some Ben & Jerry’s, and a listener has some strong feelings about the proper Terminator line-up. Plus: Where is Dyluck?! And: Who is Finley Harlocker?

Your Mom's Cloyster

Steve thinks listeners would miss Chris, Chris does his best to prove otherwise, and we both wonder what we’d do with Save Points in real life.

Hedgehog Neurologists Are the Heroes of Our Time

Chris saw 'Christopher Robin,' Steve saw a beer explode, and Apple saw fit to boot Alex Jones.

Chris is going to kick the shit out of his computer, and Steve is going to kick the shit out of Chris if he wears the orange tie.

Chris saw a kangaroo, Steve saw a sign, and we see eye-to-eye on the Firing of James Gunn.

Super-Ultra Monkey Fist

There's an American Girl in Natick and a Match.com girl on Steve's TV.

Rabbit's Revenge

Chris drives his family to Universal Studios and Steve reveals that J.K. Rowling hates pinball.

Sorry, I’m Mr. Cool

Steve begs Chris not to get him started, but Chris does it anyway.

1,461-Day Anniversary

Chris doesn’t think soccer is a sport, Steve doesn’t understand why the dialogue in movies is so damn hard to hear, and we celebrate our fourth year of being HOT.

Major Plot Point

Chris explains that his penis is not dry heaving, not exactly; Steve elaborates on the difficulties of being a video game completionist; and we both sweat our balls off even though it's not yet summer.

Chris and Steve talk Pride Month, technology conferences, and what the Pac-Man might be if it were the name of a sexual position.

High Tolerance for Hot Sauce

Chris found something to blackmail his high school friends with, Steve heard a rumor about chickens, and the cool thing about the box was the box.

A Good Variety of Dumb

Chris and Steve discuss 'Avengers: Infinity War,' ghost population control, and their protocols for pooping.

Steve learns that less back equals more hair, Chris explains why he stood in line for eight hours the other day, and we agree that there’s no way to stop a wind-up toy.

Chris and Steve are taking a brief break from the show.

Lengthy Handsome Note

Steve thinks cemeteries are dumb, Chris feels guilt over all the films he’s never seen, and we need to stop celebrating the birthdays of dead people.

Unpredictable Tongue

Chris details an 'Infinity War' theory in under a minute, Steve is uncomfortable watching Chris make out in 'The Mercy Seat,' and the parties of one year olds don’t always go the way you’d expect.

Mackton Porpoises

Chris tells the tale of his kid’s egg swan, Steve talks about a heck of a comeback, and a listener emails their pitch for a Coen Brothers crossover.

Chris cries on camera, Steve bets they only encouraged that dog, and we both wonder what it would take to make America Jesus again.

What About Bradley Cooper as Rocket J. Squirrel?

Whilst Chris says something (or, perhaps, many things) to elicit a 'Goddamnit' out of his co-host, Steve conceives of an 80s cinematic universe featuring Pee-Wee Herman, the Ghostbusters, and Martin Seamus McFly.

Chris and Steve are joined by Ryan to discuss backwards compatibility, Boston’s Scuffle Zone, and how there is never an 'and' on this podcast.

Let’s Not Make Things Things

Steve doesn’t understand understaffing on a Saturday night, Chris has figured out the best kind of ’chist to be, and the boys discuss the creation of a 21st century Blarney Stone.

Inception Is No Exception

Steve gets the 'are you fucking with me' look, Chris explains how to play Murder-Death-Kill, and 147 is the pager code for 'Steve’s an idiot.'

Come for the Novel, Stay for the Crab Cakes

Chris is rewriting a play, Steve is re-buying video games, and angry young cows are rebelling against their oppressors. Also: #NamisBoobs.

Prepon or Postpon?

Steve has a beef with the Block, Chris thinks lifting is for losers, and a corgi rides a pony.

Tripod and Yoga Mat in the Morning

A listener drops some knowledge, Steve drops a cough, and Tom Brady drops a pass.

Turd Arithmetic

Chris and Steve are joined by Ryan to talk lost thumbs, fair points, and CluckTube.TV.

It’s Number Time

Chris had a walk, Steve had an accident, and Old MacDonald HAD a farm.

Grape Nuts Speed

Chris’ mind is in the bidet whilst Steve watches games done quick. Meanwhile, Chris’ daughter gives an x-ray tech the finger.

Rated E for Explicit

Chris has something to say about wasted youth, Steve has a loud experience on a quiet car, and Great Britain is ruining Kentucky Fried Chicken Twitter.

Chris and Steve celebrate the new year with tales of arcades, assholes, and the World’s Fanciest McDonalds.

This Is a Really Dumb Thought, and We’re Not Even High

In which Chris and Steve celebrate Christmas 2017 by talking way too much about Ethan Embry.

Very Opinionated Opinions

Chris fails at Christmas shopping whilst Steve discovers it’s a small world after all.

Not Bueno or Sano

Steve clears the air, Chris plays pinball, and we recommend our favorite Richards.

The Luddites We Were Meant to Be

Steve gets a Christmas tree, Chris geeks out about a movie trailer, and we both buy a piece of the wall.

You Also Look Great

Steve attends his 20-year high school reunion, Chris spends some quality time with Stephen King, and we learn that mothers are the antithesis of pirates.

Chris swears 'Justice League' is worth swearing about and Steve had a couple of pleasant surprises this weekend.

Chris is full of metaphors, Steve is full of thoughts on Louis C.K., and we’re both full of questions like: 'Was that Beastie Boys or The Bloodhound Gang?'

When a Ragnarok Hits You Right in the Buns

Steve’s a pinball wizard and Chris has such a supple wrist, which means there has to be a twist, right? Oh yeah: it’s that we say we’re going to spoil 'Thor: Ragnarok' at the end, and then we don’t.

Explosive Diarrhea Mountain

Chris regales us with tales of his book’s launch and Steve returns to the scene of the Carlin’s.

An Unshaved Private

Steve is frustrated that the skunk persisted, Chris is worried about ripping people off, and we explain why you can’t dick around with consent.

There Was No Hetero Humping

Steve has another interesting story, Chris doesn’t want to be a Weinstein, and we wonder: at what point, when we were younger, did our parents stop giving a shit?

Viddler on the Roof

Chris reminds Steve that there are two Sarah Connors on 'Game of Thrones'; Steve is quick like a queef, but says that we can’t call the episode that; and we take two stabs at a tribute to Tom Petty.

Nothing to Do With Silas Marner

Steve is barking at cars, Chris can’t remember the names of people and things, and we have a very scientific discussion about masturbation frequency.

No Longer a Spoof

Chris is sweating dashes, Steve is sweating eggs, and listeners are sweating the details.

Fun Natural Fun

Steve joins a pinball league, Chris might be the second coming of the King, and Juggalos descend on Washington.

Harry Nilsson Holograms

Steve didn’t start remembering things until about 1987, Chris discovers that he’s an American medium, and Bill Skarsgård tries to fill Tim Curry’s big shoes.

Monkey Mark and the Monkey Bunch

Steve has a burgers for breakfast, Chris has questions for Dr. Seuss, and there is a lot to say about ducks.

Making Out With a Horse

Steve knows where he gets his OCD from, Chris knows he should probably tell people he has a book coming out, and we make predictions for the season finale of 'Game of Thrones.'

Portraits of America After the Apocalypse

Steve has an idea for a happy little documentary, Chris is hearing fighter jets in the mountains, and it’s been so long since we’ve had cake.

Take Me Down to the Vatican City

Steve’s band is big in Europe, Chris wants you to stand by him, and Metacritic ranks 37 Stephen King adaptations (in a row!).

Those Extra 4 Ounces of Beer

Steve swears that no one can chug a gallon of milk, Chris is younger than the goat, and there’s a reason Americans hate the color red.

Millennials Are Ruining Tooth Extraction

Steve wonders about naughty jigsaw puzzles, Chris reports on a one-armed machete-wielding clown, and a listener email demands that we come correct when it comes to Outkast.

Turd Anniversary

Chris and Steve reflect on being HOT for the third year in a row, replaying some of their best material from the past 52 episodes.

Gluten-Free Juggalo

Steve has a theory about the Big Bang and the community, Chris shares news about ICP fans and Catholic celiacs, and Spider-Man does whatever a spider can.

The Local Little Person

Steve is almost done with Zelda, Chris has seen 'Spider-Man: Homecoming' (twice), and there is much to be said about reactions to last week’s puppy chat.

In the Original Croatian

Chris learns what makes a dog dog-shaped and Steve has lots to say about the Super NES Classic.

What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse

Whilst Chris trolls Whovians and soccer fanatics, Steve hunts for houses and a cure for Simon’s curse.

Brave Warrior of Central Square

Chris buys a lawn mower that reminds us of Steve Buscemi, Steve paints a wall at the zoo, and corrections are corrected.

Pink Meat & Mayonnaise

Whilst Steve is ranking Rankin/Bass, Chris is trying his best not to tell dirty jokes.

Utyrion Lannister

Steve thought he saw a puddy tat, Chris definitely saw the days of our lives, and there’s only one way to melt a heart of stone.

The Horse of History

Steve wants you to smell his hat and Chris wants to get even personal than that.

Steve improves Chris’ anecdote with well-timed jokes. Chris ‘improves’ Steve’s anecdote with an ill-timed impression.

I Take Dolores Umbridge With That

Chris missed his calling, Steve tries to snatch a hag’s gem, and we answer the question of which Canadian we would copy.

Gold Bond Educated Powder

Chris worries that he’s sketchy, Steve wants more Detective Munch, and the French give us something to celebrate.

It’s Not Easy Being Portuguese

Chris gets many things wrong, Steve wants to know what it means to be removed, and hunting for hedgehogs gets dangerous.

Cheez-Its and Jesus

Chris and Steve do a deep dive on 'New Warriors' #27, a Marvel comic book from 1992. That, plus a Rhode Island Rave and a roleplaying game that was banned by Boy Scouts.

Things That Fly Over Their Helmets

Chris shares his secret to Easter and a euphemism for smoking pot that Steve doesn’t like at all. Meanwhile, Steve slam-tilts pinball machines and explains why he’s happy with Louis C.K.

The PawSox of Professional Wrestling

Chris had a thing for a Purity girl, Steve had a thing for singing chipmunks, and they both have things to say about Chaotic Wrestling’s show in Woburn, Massachusetts.

The Golden Quill

Steve was stuck in a dungeon for three weeks, and all you got was this lousy t-shirt. That, plus Chris’ accident and a bus driver’s big mistake.

Other Potential Candidates

Steve has bones to pick with batteries, audio tapes, and warning labels and Chris has opinions about the redemptions of Roy Cohn, Adolf Hitler, and George W. Bush.

Why Are You Happy?

Chris takes a therapeutic dose of iron fist, Steve revisits Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders, and a cruel fate is hypothesized for the Vice Homophobe of the United States.

Grand Theft Zelda

Chris and Steve are joined by special guest Ryan to talk about switches, vampire slayers, and sand getting everywhere.

I Don’t Want You Licking My Switch

Chris untangles the Terminator, Steve blows his nose, and Nintendo gets bitter.

Not When Nana’s Around

Chris wears shorts to the puppy place, Steve gets wet in line for the arcade bar, and we learn all about the wonderful world of slash fiction.

Nothing Turns Chris on More Than Elephant Feet

Chris has the sickies, Steve has an allergy, and we have some emails.

Your Post-Apocalypse Can Kiss My Ass

Steve plays D&D, Chris plays dumb, and Julian Edelman plays hot potato.

Punxsutawney Kitaen

Steve has a new nickname for the president, Chris has another movie that he’s never seen, and a deleted scene from 'Groundhog Day' becomes a regular phantom menace.

Banging on a Xylophone

Steve attends a concert that disappoints, Chris watches a movie that doesn’t, and we talk about why the Patriots can beat animals but not big ones.

Chris and Steve imagine the demise of The Orange Man and his Vice Orange. They also play video games, discuss the sex lives of fish, and agree that the great DM in the sky rolled all 18s when he created Joe Biden.

Extra Caring Chromosome

As Chris gets trolled and continues to eat the cookies, Steve just can’t stop gasping.

The Orange Administration

Chris gets mad at cute little kids, Steve deturdifies his beer, and we learn that The Orange Man might be the key to unlocking our Star Trek future.

Steve rings in the New Year with a guy who looks like Ken Marino, Chris celebrates the end of 2016 with a Disney movie marathon, and HBO announces their new series 'Vodka Gummi Bears.'

The Height of VHS Technology

Chris doesn’t want a second season of 'Westworld,' Steve doesn’t want to let it go, and we learn that there are people who’ve died on screen more than Sean Bean has.

The Original Alex Jones

Steve pines for Planters Cheez Balls, Chris confesses compassion for the Sith, and Doctor Who joins 'DuckTales.'

Old Wookiee Pants

Steve has a theory about the Orange Man, Chris has too much to say about ejaculation, and we learn what you can and can’t blame on George Lucas.

Intelligence Quest

Chris thinks you should call them Nazis, Steve thinks you should call them fascists, and they think you should leggo your Eggo.

LingLong DingDong on Long Ring Long Land

Chris tries too hard to make it dirty, Steve pays tribute to the cinematic legend that was Robert Z’Dar, and China has an answer to the Amazon Echo.

A Who’s Who of Who’s About to Be Who

Steve is done with humans, Chris says 'The Walking Dead' is not Mickey Mouse, and The Orange Man continues to ruin the world.

Chris and Steve react to the 2016 United States Presidential Election.

Pixy Stix and a Whistle Ring

Chris is holding out for a hero, Steve is holding his vote for election day, and America is holding its breath as we decide who will be the 45th President of the United States.

Steve has a theory about alternate universes, Chris has a theory about Papa Smurf, and there is much ranting about our republic.

The Truth Fairy

Steve has a favorite scene from 'Gremlins 2,' Chris has a few things from the Internet to share with Steve, and one state in our union thinks that Oreos count as a Halloween candy.

Steve tackles a Mega Maze, Chris tackles a stiff drink, and Ronald McDonald assembles an insanely elite clown posse.

Peter Ceternodon

Steve commutes, Chris has fun, and there’s no tax on slacks.

Liable to Commit Libel

Steve learns about accused murderess Amanda Knox, Chris learns about adult film star Donald Trump, and the world learns the about Princess Diana of Themyscira.

Swamps of Sadness

Chris finds a fully posable Supergirl in the world’s fanciest McDonalds, Steve finds problems with 'The NeverEnding Story' and with full-screen movies, and Lea Thompson is lurking around every corner.

Quadrandem Bike

Steve takes the beans, Clay Martin Croker kicks the bucket, and Chris wonders where Beyonce wanted us to put that ring.

The Crusades Were an Inside Job

Chris has no use for headphone jacks, Steve has no use for bees in his beverages, and a listener has a suggestion for how to name the next generation.

Generation Schlitz

Chris doesn’t know why his children play the games they play, Steve isn’t sure what you even call these kids today, and it is entirely unclear how many clowns were inside the vehicle.

You Dumb A*****e

Steve saw Ween, Chris saw a trailer for a new documentary that aims to defend the prequels, and Gene Wilder saw paradise by simply looking around and seeing it.

Soylent Pokémon

Whilst Chris uncovers what happens to Jigglypuffs when you send them to the professor, Steve has himself a birthday full of spinners, joke men, fun spots, and space pizza.

Air Quote Abuser

Steve went to a wedding, Chris is going camping, and a judge has a Get Out of Jail Free card for Brendan Dassey.

Preach to Me, Brother!

Bob Costas is putting his pink eye on things again as Chris and Steve discuss the Games of the XXXI Olympiad, the death of The Big Lebowski, and more.

Scuzzy Dads and Mommy Tubes

Chris wonders how one might take the Popcorn Trick to the next level, Steve wonders what his quarters might buy him in the bathroom, and Donald Drumph wonders if Russia will help him hack the United States to pieces.

Can You Run Into Sodom?

Chris and Steve reflect on being 'HOT' for the second year in a row, replaying some of their best material from the past 52 episodes.

Ghost Cunnilingus

Steve has thoughts on the new 'Ghostbusters,' Chris has a dent in his new TV, and the Republican Party has TP for our bungholes.

Dratini in the Convenience Store

Steve’s been playing Pokémon Go, Chris is out of his element, and it’s dangerous to be black or blue in America.

The Church of Latter-Day Elvis

Steve hates Glenn Frey, Chris thinks America might be a tiny piece of hard feces, and Rod Stewart’s truck almost runs over a dog.

Steve rants about an arcade bar, Chris defends his habit of reading the last pages of books first, and Steven Wright is definitely not Casey Kasem.

Steve hates golf, Chris hates 'Seinfeld,' and Kevin Smith loves Michael Parks a little too much.

Jean-Claude Van Jams

Chris wonders why and how He-Man was a master of the universe, Steve wonders about Psylocke's development(s), and you wonder why there aren't show notes again.

Steve drinks a Falcon Punch, Chris reads a book, and there are sheep in the computer.

The Mealy Apple Look

Steve spends the weekend up the camp and Chris spends the show interrupting Steve’s stories.

Big Summer Ballbuster

Will Steve see 'Ghostbusters' twice? Will Chris see 'Star Trek Beyond' at all? And, most importantly, will Megan Fox ever wear a yellow jumpsuit?

Elizabeth of Queef

Steve drinks the worst Mai Tais ever, Chris has the geekiest Saturday ever, and Bono makes the dumbest Spanish-language counting mistake ever.

Buffy Barnes, The Winter Slayer

Steve sees the doctor, Chris wonders if Bowser had a special lady-friend, and the presumptive GOP nominee has himself a taco bowl.

Johnny Lunchpail

Steve considers a big Seventies ‘What if?’, Chris considers the cultural ramifications of 'Police Academy,' and Obama drops the mic.

Apostle of Winwood

Steve sees a documentary about Market Basket, Chris knows a Coolio song by heart, and the guys discuss the deaths of Prince, Chyna, Doris Roberts, and Michelle McNamara.

Seann Willem Dafoe

Steve and Chris perform a close reading of the cinematic classic 'American Pie 2.'

Breathing Sausage Into Their Face

Steve karaokes for the unappreciative masses, Chris recounts his trip to 'Zootopia,' and Marky Mark sleeps with the women of Superman.

Pickled With Alcohol

Steve wonders where the sex robots are at, Chris defends 'Batman v. Superman,' and John Valby plays the Hu Ke Lau.

Especially With Kraft Singles

Chris tries to make coffee, Steve tries to defend Hulk Hogan, and listeners try to talk some sense into your two favorite chuckleheads.

The Chicago Conversation

Steve visits Chicago, Chris hosts a birthday party for 10-year-olds, and someone listens to Korn un-ironically.

Concheesetadors

Steve laments the loss of Patrice O’Neal, Chris defends the spectacular Spider-Man, and Kim Kardashian is free to bare her nipples in New Hampshire.

One for the Ages

Chris and Steve experience technical difficulties.

Don’t Frost It So Much

Steve has a problem with frosting, Chris is thinking too hard about Rachel McAdams, and Donald Trump is going to be president.

Over 27 Vitamins & Ingredients

Chris thinks Sony should #FreeKesha, Steve thinks it should snow more, and Donald Trump’s win in South Carolina has the guys wondering which country they should move to.

Steve pioneers Flip-Off Fitness, Chris creates the Hamburger Cinematic Universe, and the guys discuss the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.

No Ponies for Anybody

Steve studies Japanese, Chris mutes everything, and Amy Schumer swears she’d never steal a joke.

Donkey Dishwasher

Steve tells jokes in Portland, Chris wonders whether Dr. Ian Malcolm would end class early for a student in need, and the guys chat about the impending doom of the Iowa Caucuses.

Jonas Is in Your Beard

Chris and Steve are all over the place, talking Snowzilla 2016, Glenn Frey, Flint, Clitter, Deadpool, Gary Vaynerchuk, and more.

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Eh? No!

Chris finishes 'Making a Murderer,' Steve watches a Patriots game in a bar filled with infuriating young people, and more.

The Problem With Incest

Chris sees Disney on Ice, Steve gets sushi, David Bowie dies, and the guys discuss 'Making a Murderer.'

Mako, Like the Whale

Chris and Steve tackle time shifts and Tackleberry, mourn Mace Windu and merchandising, and debate which of them is the bigger dink.

Heavy on the Spoilers

Chris and Steve recap Christmas and review "Star Wars: The Force Awakens."

So He Could Go in the HOV Lane

Chris gets on Steve’s last nerve, Steve goes to Plant Night, and we’re joined by Chris’ brother John for a game of #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly.

I Don’t Like Offending People

Steve attends Chaotic Wrestling’s December 11 show at the Woburn Elks, and the guys spend nearly the entire show talking about it.

Another Straight Man

Chris and Steve discuss Kristen Stewart, Jessica Jones, 'The Cabin in the Woods,' and why they’re cautiously optimistic about 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens.'

The Hottest Guy in the Room

Steve saves Thanksgiving, Chris attends his twenty-year high school reunion, and the guys debate the parenting skills of David Seville.

You’re an Adverb

Chris and Steve discuss the pros and cons of the 69, an email detailing the many ways in which Chris was wrong about religion, and the reunions of both Ween and the Class of 1995.

Like the Porridge That Goldilocks Ate

Steve’s been sick, Chris doesn’t care about the world, and the Patriots have been cheating against one of them poor Manning boys again.

Immune to Eye Rolls

Chris and Steve talk 'Saturday Night Live,' Billy Corgan, the New England Patriots’ preternatural ability to win coin flips, the adult films their dads owned when the country was great, and more.

Chris and Steve recap their Halloween adventures, discuss the facial hair of Commander Will Riker, and try to determine how Steve’s forwarding address got so Woodburied.

A Deep Dive on Janeway

Chris and Steve talk "The Force Awakens," "Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey," the end of nudes in "Playboy," and about how, despite all their rage, they are still just rats in a cage.

The Later Part of the Early Part of the Turn of the Century

Chris and Steve discuss Dead Milkmen, 'Back to the Future, Part II,' Nintendo 64, and more.

A Chef’s Passion

Chris and Steve talk road trips, sexual innuendo, and putting money on the Cubbies.

Peter Parker Picked a Peck of Pickled Parents

Chris watches 'The Amazing Spider-Man 2' and admits to having a phase, Steve falls the heck out of his weekend, and the guys debate hearts vs. stars.

We’ve Never Kissed

Steve makes pilgrimages to IKEA and FedEx, Chris asks questions he already knows the answers to, and the guys discuss how each of them got the sickies this week.

Unless It’s a Dirty Hug

Chris and Steve talk board games, advertising, and moving, before addressing the important questions of Ahmed and his clock, what would happen if Chris met the president, and how the Patriots cheated this week.

Laughter Is Stupid

Chris and Steve argue about TV, bicker about breakfast cereal, and examine exactly how their New England Patriots cheated this week.

Call Me Cupcake

Chris and Steve discuss Kim Davis’ stance against gay marriage, the triumph of Tom Brady, the firing of Don Orsillo, and much, much more.

The Right to Bear Arms

Chris and Steve reveal the dumb things that landed them in detention. Then, they talk about summer camp movies, back to school time, and the on-air shootings at WDBJ this past week.

She Tolerates My Flatulence

Chris and Steve talk soda flavors, Steve’s birthday, and the miseducation of Harry Potter, before tackling news on Jared Fogle and Ashley Madison.

Then It Went Right Up Your Nose

Chris and Steve talk Ween, poetry slams, the rise of upscale hamburger joints, and what type of abs might the most pleasant to scissor.

It’s All Country!

As Steve prepares to see the Dean Ween Group, we learn how he hurt his ankle, why Chris wants more cunnilingus in his fiction, and what the guys thought of the GOP presidential debate they didn’t watch.

Hale-Bopp Was More Fun

Chris and Steve talk about boobs on pinball machines, balls on Transformers and trans men, and so much more.

Laden With Humdiddy

Chris and Steve reflect on being "HOT" for one whole year, replaying some of their best material along the way.

Fries and Ketchup for America

Chris and Steve talk karaoke, Amy Schumer, General Tso, and whether it’s the RMV or the DMV.

Once You're in the Rubber

Chris goes to the beach and to a mini high school reunion, while Steve goes bowling and eats a cookie.

A Song in His Heart

Chris and Steve talk about the genius of Paul Rudd, the idiocy of Donald Trump, and how traffic ruins everything.

Have You Ever Tried to Pull Apart a Grilled Cheese?

Chris and Steve talk about the death of Dick Van Patten, the second act of Jake Lloyd’s career, and Steve’s trip to Portland, Maine. That, plus gay marriage, farts, and an old photo of Chris’ Cub Scout cohorts.

The Next Time We Have James Earl Jones On

Chris and Steve talk about Christopher Lee, The General Lee, Rock’n Ribfest, and so much more.

Playing With Eunuchs

Chris and Steve discuss "Jurassic World" and the state of moviegoing today before debating whether or not Bernie Sanders is the name of an actual presidential candidate.

Two Levels Below GoBot

Chris and Steve recap Steve’s trip to Philadelphia. That, plus the reaction to Caitlyn Jenner and an analysis of 1980s cartoons and their 21st century live-action remakes.

Can Anybody Say Anything Anymore?

Steve prepares for a trip to Philadelphia by having ice cream for dinner, while Chris eats so much pizza that his farts begin to topple small children. That, plus microphones, offensive team names, and more.

Moist Week on the Water Channel

Chris and Steve discuss dadbod, Hollywood’s ‘hot daughter’ trend, the faces on American money, and more.

I Wasn't Trying to Be Funny

Chris and Steve school fools on how to pronounce local place names, then discuss the death penalty, sex amongst Pooh and Friends, and the best review of Chris’ acting career.

How It Ended up on Your Cheek

Chris and Steve discuss the return of Steve’s libido and Tom Brady’s deflated balls, plus their thoughts on what a Marvel movie by the Coen Brothers would look like.

It’s Not Sexy to Drown

Steve faces off with shingles, Chris defends his foley artist skills, and much, much more.

Steve gets hit on at karaoke, Chris’ daughter watches "Star Wars," and the boys go off on a tangent about the Iron Sheik while discussing the difference between learning lines and memorizing jokes.

The Jimmy Carter of the Apocalypse

Steve shares stories from the Red Sox Home Opener, Chris talks about reading his diary in front a live audience at “I Could Just Diary: Round 4,” and the boys talk about new trailers for “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” and “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.”

My Privilege Was Showing

Chris and Steve talk about where the Wall would be if Greater Lowell were Westeros, then talk Red Sox Home Opener drunkenness, waiting in line for Amiibo, and more.

We Talked About This

Chris and Steve discuss Easter and other holidays Steve never remembers, then move on to current events, the case for a revolution, and much more.

I’m Sorry. Here’s Flowers.

Chris and Steve discuss Indiana’s ‘Religious Freedom’ bill and Ted Cruz’s run for president before Getting Local for Ya, reading more Mean Tweets, and going Horribly Off-Topic.

The Chickets Were Teap

Chris and Steve read mean tweets and email from their listeners, then talk about movies Chris watched over Spring Break and the TV shows they’ve binge-watched.

I Keep on Not Having Thoughts

Chris and Steve try to get listeners to mean-tweet them, then chat about cycling, big trucks, Pizzas of Destiny, Christy Turlington, the science of anti-vaccination, and more.

Earning the E Tag

Steve tells jokes and Chris ruins them. Then the guys talk about something Chris did for fun (and might do again). That, plus so much more.

The Problem of the Prequels

Chris and Steve talk Star Wars viewing order, the hullabaloo over the cover of the 2015 "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue, and the death of Leonard Nimoy.

Give It To Me Like That

Chris and Steve talk about vocal fry, Steve’s visit to Bit Fest 2: Electronic Boogaloo, and who Donatello is going down on. That, plus hitting 30, listener email, and Chris trying (and failing) to have fun.

A Tupperware Party, Only With Dildos

Chris and Steve present a grab bag episode that is largely about grabbing one’s bag (including grabbing one’s self in the interest of in vitro fertilisation). That, plus the Blizzard IV, taxes & health insurance, and taking a hammer to one’s old stuff.

The Seahawks Haven’t Thrown An Interception Yet

Chris and Steve recap Super Bowl XLIX and its commercials, then talk about Legend of Zelda on TV, Kate Upton dancing, and proper care of the U.S. flag.

The Shriveled Little Scientist Inside Gronk

Just hours before Super Bowl XLIX, Chris and Steve talk about the Big Game, blizzards, drinking, and "Fight Club."

I'm Not a Big Marmalade Fan to Begin With

Chris and Steve talk about musicals as turds, movies that used to be good, and about the deflated balls of their local football franchise.

Steve wonders whether Chris had any fun in college, then the guys talk about Pixar, video game completionism, and finding porn in the woods.

The Yeah, Right Story

Chris, Steve, and special guest Leo talk about Leo’s trip to Nepal, plus New England, karaoke, and the many reasons Steve is right.

I Wanted a Scanner Because of WEIRD SCIENCE

Chris and Steve talk about Steve’s trip to Montreal and who they’d want to showrun the TRUMAN SHOW version of their lives.

He Knew What Was Coming

Chris, Steve, and Chris’ brother John discuss accusations of Chris’ onanism, plus Steve and John’s upcoming trip to Canada.

That’s How North Korea Wins

Chris, Steve, and special guest Matt celebrate the podcast’s 21st birthday by sharing stories of their early drinking experiences.

Stop Calling Me Uncle Steve

Chris and Steve discuss American heroes Button Gwinnett and Vanilla Ice, British super-spy James Bond, literary magazines, parody movies, and films that are too arty for their own good.

Never Play With Your Brother’s Tandy

Chris and Steve talk video games, over-sharing, rule-breaking, fathering love children in college, and who listeners come to the show for.

Kiki-Jiki Mirror Breaker’s Sopping Orifice

Chris and Steve discuss words and phrases that offend their listeners. Then, Chris tells the story of how the Internet cost him his virginity. That, and Thanksgiving.

Choosy Moms Choose GIFs

Chris and Steve chat about the comic book speculator boom of the 1990s, then trade their own personal origin stories.

Horribly Off-Toxic

Chris and Steve discuss bathroom floods, banning words, and where they would start over in their lives if given the chance.

I Haven’t Sucked It Out Yet

Chris and Steve talk about #GamerGate, the biggest mistake made by Barack Obama, Googling yourself, and the movies they haven’t seen.

Eyeing My Dad’s Bananas

Chris and Steve talk about where a man’s anger—their anger, in particular—comes from.

Steve regales us with stories of his trip to Seattle and Chris explains what a one-on-one talk booth is.

Something That Resembled Music

Steve and Chris are joined by Dan Reynolds to finish their chat about the history of Dan and Steve’s band, The New Sweethearts. They also go off on a tangent about bullying and read listener emails on Neutral Milk Hotel, Robert Jordan, George R.R. Martin, and Steve’s five-car pile-up in Canada.

Oh, You’re One of Those Sweethearts?

Steve and Chris are joined by Dan Reynolds to talk about the genesis of Steve and Dan’s band, The New Sweethearts, and about other bands from their high school days (including Lift/Orpheus, Crumb, and Soma).

You Brought Their Breasts Into It

Steve regales us with stories of his trip to Canada and Chris asks tangential questions along the way. There’s a five-car accident, an anti-Semitic homeless person, and a thing on Chris’ finger that might be rabies, Ebola, or just a blood blister.

As Petty Larceny as You Can Get

With Chris’ daughter Kaylee just out of earshot, Chris and Steve try to keep things clean for once. They chat about the bits they did on their college radio shows, the donuts one of them stole in high school, Steve’s upcoming trip to Toronto, and whether or not George Carlin was right about the potential for rape jokes to be funny.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Head

Steve wants to be cyborg and Chris wants to know which of his five limbs he’d replace first. Chris has never drawn an erect penis, so Steve teaches him how. And, why is it that wrestlers are always dying?

The Same Amount of Naked

Chris and Steve talk about what kind of guy they would go gay for, create a lot of post-production work for Chris when they start dropping names they weren’t supposed to, discuss why a winter trip to Montreal might be in store for one of them, and wonder about the differing laws for striptease in the States and in Canada.

The Steveing of Jobs

In the midst of a major thunderstorm, Chris and Steve exchange stories about North Carolina, including Chris’ Internet “girlfriend” from UNCG and Steve’s misadventures with the Tar Heel State’s DMV, then talk about what it means to Steve a job and why Chris hasn’t done that much.

You Wear Your Balls on Your Belt

Chris and Steve chat about how they survived their senior years of college, how Steve would do in one of Chris’ classes, and why election season proves the human experiment is over.

Because I’m a Man and You’re OK With That

Curmudgeons Chris and Steve talk about speeding tickets as revenue streams, who will run for president in the post-social media age, bad jokes about Genesis, problems with weight, and whether they’d rather have a man or a woman performing their rectal exams.

Urinal Etiquette and Suicide Prevention

Chris and Steve talk about their current and past addictions, their opinions on urinal etiquette, and about the death of Robin Williams.

With No Lady to Help Me Wipe My Bottom

Chris and Steve talk about video games, Jake Lloyd movies, online dating, the humor to be found in names inspired by a city’s beloved canal system, the many things Steve is done with, and much more.

I’ve Been Listening to Steely Dan for 10 Minutes. Where’s My Hawk Sound?!?

E. Christopher Clark and Steve Woodbury launch their podcast with an episode that’s theoretically going to be about Market Basket and the plight of their employees.