Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery
Barb Nangle
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This is the podcast "Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery." It will help people who want to heal to move from fragmented to whole. Hi, I'm Barb! I share my experience, strength and hope from 12 step recovery in each episode. They're all 20 minutes or less. Unlike most recovery podcasts where you hear a person's whole story, in this one, each episode is about a specific topic. There are many life lessons from 12 step recovery that are applicable to those in and outside of recovery. This podcast brings some of those lessons to the airwaves, including such topics as learning acceptance, recognizing and overcoming victim mentality and establishing healthy boundaries.
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4 days ago
The Foundations of Recovery- Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness | Episode 214
When I first got into recovery my sponsor told me, ‘If you’re not honest with me I can’t help you. You’ve got to be open-minded to the idea that there are things you don’t know and willing to do the things you’ve never done before to succeed in recovery.” This week’s episode 214 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the foundations of recovery- honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the 3 fundamentals of H.O.W. to recover- honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness and how I came to understand and follow each one of these and began living in alignment.
Ask yourself, are you willing to do things that people around you in recovery have done in order to have the life you want? Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are the foundation of recovery so if you don’t already have them, you have to be willing to look inward and seek them.
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
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May 22, 2023
How We Become Approval Seekers and How to Get Out of It | Episode 213
Many of us have grown up feeling that we have to do things for others so they won’t dislike us, get mad at us, leave us, or even abuse us. We then get so deeply ingrained in this behavior pattern that we think the only way we will be okay is by getting the approval of other people. This week’s episode 213 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how we become approval seekers and how to get out of it!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**!
*
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of recognizing when you’re acting as an approval-seeker as a manipulation tactic and actionable steps you can take right now to transition into the type of person that lives their life for themselves and on their own terms.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* How we develop approval-seeking behavior.
* The difference between being kind and helpful and being a self-sacrificing person.
* Why approval seeking is much more than doing the right thing for someone, it’s manipulative.
* Steps to go from a lifetime of approval-seeking to being someone who cares so much less about what other people think of them.
Part of the process of coming out of being an approval seeker is learning to give a shit about yourself and what you think, need, and want. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ep 161. How to Care More What You Think of Yourself Than What Others Do
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
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May 15, 2023
Nine New Methods I've Learned for Reparenting and How They've Affected Me | Episode 212
As I’ve mentioned previously, I am still (and forever will be) on a journey to reparent myself. Between the last time I did an episode on this topic and now, I have made some really radical and impactful internal changes that have made an enormous difference in my life. This week’s episode 212 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about nine new methods I’ve learned for reparenting and how they’ve affected me!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of connecting deeply to your inner child and actionable steps you can use to heal your inner child's wounds.
The nine new methods I use that I share in this episode include:
* Making consistent, conscious contact with your inner family members.
* Make small promises to your inner child and keep them.
* Get a picture of your inner child or inner teenager to make conscious contact.
* Find a safe place in your mind where you can go and feel safe with your inner family.
* Bring your inner critical parent to your safe place with you and see what happens.
* Play with toys, do a craft, or listen to music as a way to connect with your inner child and tap into those feelings.
* Allow your inner child and/or inner teenager to safely express their feelings and then soothe and affirm them as they do it.
* Interact lovingly with your inner critical parent so they see if there’s an inner loving parent present and are more likely to step aside than if you were to try to strong-arm them into giving up their role.
* Stop resisting and feel the damn feelings.
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ep. 181. 5 Methods for Reparenting Myself: What That Looks Like for Me
Ep. 205. 24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in The Workplace – Part 1
Ep. 206. 24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in The Workplace - Part 2
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA or ACOA)
Adult Child podcast episode with Susan Anderson “The Outer Child and Abandonment Trauma”
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletter
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Work with Barb!
Buy Barb a tea
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May 8, 2023
What Life is Like Before and After Building Healthy Boundaries | Episode 211
If you had told me years ago that boundaries were my issue, I would have never believed you. It is for that reason that I shape my content around helping others understand that their issues can be cleaned up and healed by learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries. This week’s episode 211 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about what life is like before and after building healthy boundaries!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing real testimonials from clients I’ve worked with in the past to illustrate what life was like before and after working with me to implement healthy boundaries in their lives.
Some of the things I have helped my clients work through are:
* Speaking up about boundaries in the moment and setting them in a kind and respectful manner.
* Getting out of self-doubt when setting and maintaining boundaries.
* Standing up for yourself and communicating your needs without feeling bad about it.
* Overcoming fears of abandonment and establishing healthy coping strategies.
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Bonus Episode: Coaching with Barb
Ep 12: Stop Gossiping
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletter
Free boundaries resources
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May 1, 2023
Interventions, Done Differently with Stephen P. | Episode 210
Leading a healthy and successful intervention starts with giving people the tools they need to have an important conversation while setting healthy boundaries and communicating their truth in a respectful, open, and honest manner. This week’s episode 210 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about interventions, done differently.
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, my guest Stephen P. shares his journey of turning pain into purpose, becoming a “healthy entrepreneur” and how his company gives people the tools they need to shift the trajectory of their or their loved ones' lives.
Some of the talking points we go over in this episode include:
* How the high of adrenaline from rollercoasters and social approval as a kid transitioned into the need for getting high from drugs and alcohol later in life.
* What the 12-step program taught Stephen about life and the direction he was meant to go in that he could have never learned in University.
* The lessons of boundaries that were learned as a result of pain.
* Online Intervention’s take on using the foundations for healthy boundaries to give people the tools to have healthy, respectful, and impactful interventions.
* How Stephen weaved the principles of music and psychology into his own recovery journey.
Interventions are not entertainment. When done correctly, they are not aggressive or dramatic but rather healthy and respectful, and they’re driven by tools and preparation. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
CONNECT WITH STEPHEN:
Online Interventions
LinkedIn
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
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Apr 24, 2023
Missing Red Flags - When You Want What You Want When You Want It | Episode 209
“I want what I want when I want it” - otherwise known as the inability to delay gratification, was my attitude towards life before recovery. With this mindset, I was unable to see the consequences of plowing forward to get what I wanted. This week’s episode 209 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about missing red flags- when you want what you want when you want it!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some examples from my life where I was unable to delay my gratification (& suffered the consequences) and the tools I have gained through recovery that have allowed me to change this mindset.
Do not underestimate the ability to pause because it's what leads us to be able to make rational decisions like a mature adult instead of acting out of our addictive, compulsive, and obsessive patterns of the past. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ep 8. My Tools of Recovery Part I: Pausing
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
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Apr 17, 2023
How Building Healthy Boundaries Allows You to Detect Nuance | Episode 208
It wasn’t until several years into my recovery that I realized there were certain things that I thought were fused were not actually fused. That is, I thought where one thing existed, the other automatically existed as well. Not only did I grow to understand this was not true, I realized many of the examples of this in my life had to do with dating and that building healthy boundaries was what helped me change my perspective. This week’s episode 208 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how healthy boundaries allow you to detect nuance.
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some examples from my life where I was able to make the distinction between things I had previously thought were fused and the reasons why this type of discernment has everything to do with setting healthy boundaries.
As I've built better and better boundaries, I've gotten a lot more clarity about a lot of things. It's almost like building healthy boundaries, which requires clarity, gives me the desire to seek clarity in many other areas of my life.
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletter
Free boundaries resources
Facebook
Instagram
Patreon
Work with Barb!
Buy Barb a tea
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Apr 10, 2023
Your Step-by-Step Guide for How to Get Started Setting Boundaries | Episode 207
When you’re so lost and enmeshed, it can be difficult to know what a boundary is let alone even begin setting them. This week’s episode 207 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about your step-by-step guide for how to get started setting boundaries!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing my definition of what a boundary is and my 5 step framework for setting boundaries with language and examples to get you started. As a bonus, I share 2 reflection questions to help you tap into how implementing boundaries into your life will make you feel.
Here are the steps:
1). Start small with teeny tiny boundaries and build your way up from there
2). Begin by setting boundaries with yourself
3). Move on to setting boundaries with easy-going people and or people that you don't really know
4). Then set boundaries with people that are not as easygoing and or people that you have long-standing relationships with
5). Live on purpose and thrive!
Your life is in your hands. YOU get to decide what’s okay and not okay with you and you get to tell others. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletter
Free boundaries resources
Facebook
Instagram
Patreon
Work with Barb!
Buy Barb a tea
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Apr 3, 2023
24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in the Workplace Part 2 | Episode 206
In a recent episode, I mentioned that I had a whole cascade of memories and understanding that I have experienced some level of trauma in every job I had before recovery This led me to self-reflect on how my dysfunctional upbringing played a role in this using an inventory about workplace traits of Adult Children from ACA. Last week I shared the first 12 traits of adult children in the workplace and today I am sharing the last 12 traits. This week’s episode 206 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the 24 ways adult child traits show up in the workplace!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing 12 more traits from the “Big Red Book’s” list of how the traits of adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families show up in the workplace. I also share how they show up for me, and the top 3 traits that show up most often for me.
The last 12 items of the “Working at the Laundromat” list are as follows:
13. We are sensitive and can get extremely upset with any form of criticism of our work.
14. We want to be in charge of every project or activity, feeling more comfortable when we are in control of every detail, rather than letting others be responsible.
15. We may be the workplace “clown” to cover up our insecurities or to get attention from others.
16. We are people-pleasers and may take on extra work, or our co-workers’ tasks, in order to be liked and receive approval from others.
17. We do not know how to be assertive in getting our needs met or expressing a concern. We may have to repeatedly rehearse our comments before delivering them.
18. We have felt that we do not deserve a raise, promotion, better workspace, or a better job.
19. We do not know how to set boundaries, and we let others interrupt us. We can accept more work without knowing how to say “no” appropriately.
20. We are perfectionists about our own work and expect others to be the same and have the same work ethics and values.
21. We become workaholics because it gives us a feeling of self-worth we did not get as a child.
22. We may jump from job to job, looking for the perfect position as the substitute for the secure and nurturing home environment we did not have.
23. We get upset when people do things that affect us or our work without asking us first.
24. We have a high tolerance for workplace dysfunction and tend to stick it out in an unhappy job because we lack the self-esteem to leave.
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ep. 205. 24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in the Workplace Part 1
Ep. 194. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 2: The Other Laundry List
Ep. 193. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 1: The Laundry List
ACA Fellowship Text (The Big Red Book)
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletter
Free boundaries resources
Instagram
Work with Barb!
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Mar 27, 2023
24 Ways Adult Child Traits Show Up in the Workplace Part 1 | Episode 205
In a recent episode, I mentioned that I had a whole cascade of memories and understanding that I have experienced some level of trauma in every job I had before recovery. Upon reflection, I know the role my dysfunctional upbringing has played in my workplace experiences. This week’s episode 205 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the 24 ways adult child traits show up in the workplace!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a chapter of the ACA fellowship text, affectionately known as the “Big Red Book”. Chapter 14 is called “Taking Our Program to Work” and details how the traits of adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families show up in the workplace.
The first 12 items of the “Working at the Laundromat” list are as follows:
* We confuse our boss or supervisor with our alcoholic parent(s) or qualifier and have similar relationship patterns, behaviors, and reactions that are carryovers from childhood.
* We confuse our co-workers with our siblings or our alcoholic parent(s) and repeat childhood reactions in those working relationships.
* We expect lavish praise and acknowledgment from our boss for our efforts on the job.
* Authority figures scare us and we feel afraid when we need to talk to them.
* We get a negative “gut reaction” when dealing with someone who has the physical characteristics or mannerisms of our alcoholic qualifier.
* We have felt isolated and different from everyone around us, but we don’t know why.
* We lose our temper when things upset us rather than dealing with problems productively.
* We busy ourselves with our co-workers’ jobs, often telling them how to do their work.
* We can get hurt feelings when co-workers do things socially together without asking us, even though we have not made an effort to get to know them and join in the social life.
* We are afraid to make the first move to get to know a co-worker better, thinking they will not like us or approve of us.
* We usually do not know how to ask for what we want or need on the job, even for little things.
* We do not know how to speak up for ourselves when someone has said or done something inappropriate. We try desperately to avoid face-to-face confrontations.
Stay tuned for episode 206 where I share items 13-24 from the list!
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ep. 194. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 2: The Other Laundry List
Ep. 193. How to Know If You’re an Adult Child – part 1: The Laundry List
ACA Fellowship Text (The Big Red Book)
CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:
Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletter
Free boundaries resources
Facebook
Instagram
Patreon
Work with Barb!
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Mar 20, 2023
Why You’re Responsible for Your Second Thought and Not Your First Thought | Episode 204
One of the manifestations of growing up in a dysfunctional family is distorted thinking, so it is important that we learn that we are not responsible for these thoughts popping up. However, we ARE responsible for not listening to them. This week’s episode 204 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about why you’re responsible for your second thought and not your first thought!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the tools I gained from recovery that helped me reframe my thoughts and the method I use to make sure that I am feeling my feelings, not just soothing them.
You are powerless over your first thought. You are not powerless over your second thought and over what comes out of your mouth. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episod…
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Mar 13, 2023
Questions from Listeners, Responses from Barb Part 3 | Episode 203
*Content Warning: Abuse *
For my 200th episode, I asked my listeners to send in their questions for me to answer on the podcast and while I answered a few that felt fitting for my celebration episode, I wanted to dedicate a series of episodes to answer some of the questions that were more geared to boundaries and recovery in general. In this week’s episode 203 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m answering the last of your listener questions that came from my giveaway!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
Some of the topics I cover in this episode include:
* A recovery update on a recent download I had and what I was able to uncover about resentment that I hadn’t previously.
* Things to keep in mind when sharing your story in recovery.
* How you can use healthy boundaries to recover from an addiction to excitement, fear, or chaos.
* The difference between new relationships and relationships that stayed in my life after setting boundaries.
Be sure…
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Mar 6, 2023
Questions from Listeners, Responses from Barb Part 2 | Episode 202
For my 200th episode, I asked my listeners to send in their questions for me to answer on the podcast and while I answered a few that felt fitting for my celebration episode, I wanted to dedicate a series of episodes to answer some of the questions that were more geared to boundaries and recovery in general. In this week’s episode 202 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m answering more of your listener questions!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* Making amends to people you have wronged.
* The difference between harming and hurting someone when it comes to setting boundaries.
* Setting boundaries for a group of people while giving them the autonomy to set boundaries for themselves.
* Advice and practices for becoming more self-aware.
* Dating again after coming out of a codependent relationship.
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a mor…
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Feb 27, 2023
Questions from Listeners, Responses from Barb Part 1 | Episode 201
For my 200th episode, I asked my listeners to send in their questions for me to answer on the podcast and while I answered a few that felt fitting for my celebration episode, I wanted to dedicate a series of episodes to answer some of the questions that were more geared to boundaries and recovery in general. In this week’s episode 201 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m answering your listener questions!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**!
*
Some of the topics I cover in this episode include:
* Getting out of victim mentality after you’ve realized you're in it.
* How to develop and rely on a power greater than us (& the difference between reliance and dependence on this higher power).
* Creating healthy parent/ child boundaries when entering a new stage of life.
Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you en…
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Feb 20, 2023
My Celebration Episode | Episode 200
Although we are celebrating my 200th podcast episode, I have achieved so many other milestones through recovery and have so much in my life to be proud of and celebrate. This week’s episode 200 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is my celebration episode!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m being interviewed by my podcast producer, Alesia Galati, and answering questions from my listeners.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* A brief walkthrough of the biggest lessons and milestones from my recovery journey.
* What sparked my interest in starting a podcast to share my life lessons and experiences.
* How I use the tools I gained through recovery to help others and how my own boundaries keep me focused.
* Overcoming the toughest parts of my journey with the help of my Higher Power.
* The biggest things I had to realize in order to transform my life.
It is so important to…
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Feb 13, 2023
Four Ways to Manage Your Difficult Feelings When Setting Boundaries | Episode 199
The number one thing that stops people from setting boundaries is dealing with the feelings of guilt and shame that come up. This week’s episode 199 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about four ways to manage your difficult feelings when setting boundaries!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
I like to think of boundaries as the healthy midpoint on a continuum where enmeshment is on one end and abandonment is on the other. I’ll be honest when I say that getting to this midpoint is not easy but I encourage you to keep going and find the peace that boundaries bring.
The four ways to manage difficult feelings when setting boundaries are:
* Connect with other people who are going through the same thing as you to reassure and guide you.
* Be (or become) a person of integrity.
* Establish your higher power and hand things over to that power.
* Use your intellect to change your mind about what you think.
I start all my boundaries coaching with mindset wo…
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Feb 9, 2023
Welcome to Fragmented to Whole!
This is the podcast "Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery." It will help people who want to heal to move from fragmented to whole. Hi, I'm Barb! I share my experience, strength and hope from 12 step recovery in each episode. They're all 20 minutes or less. Unlike most recovery podcasts where you hear a person's whole story, in this one each episode is about a specific topic. There are many life lessons from 12 step recovery that are applicable to those in and outside of recovery. This podcast brings some of those lessons to the airwaves, including such topics as learning acceptance, recognizing and overcoming victim mentality and establishing healthy boundaries.
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Feb 6, 2023
How to Change Your Behavior After 50 Years of Momentum in the Other Direction | Episode 198
Recently, I was talking with a friend and reflecting on how I managed to change some of my long-standing patterns of behavior and the methods for how that change process unfolds. This week’s episode 198 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to change your behavior after 50 years in the other direction!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some of the big ways I have changed my life over the years and how learning to pause became the framework for every other tool I got from recovery. The framework I share for changing your behavior includes:
* You have to believe theoretically that change is possible for humans and if you don’t think it just yet, seek out people who have already done what you're looking to do and use them as inspiration.
* Start to entertain the idea that changing this behavior is something you can do.
* Think through situations you’ve been in where if you would…
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Jan 30, 2023
Delayed Gratification- The Antidote to "I Want What I Want When I Want It" | Episode 197
Looking back, I can see I had this ‘I want what I want when I want it’ mentality in many areas of my life. But now that I’m in recovery and emotionally mature, I’m able to see that it had a lot to do with immaturity. I’m now able to delay my gratification and make life so much easier for myself rather than harder. This week’s episode 197 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about delayed gratification- the antidote to “I want what I want when I want it.”
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a story of the time I overlooked some major red flags and rented a camper van anyway because I wanted to fulfill my plan to go on a 6-week solo road trip. After many calls to mechanics and finally ditching the van, I learned a very valuable lesson about making my life easier by taking time and thinking critically.
The secret here is delaying gratification long enough to look at the truth of things.…
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Jan 23, 2023
Denial 4.0 | Episode 196
A few months ago I recorded an episode called “Denial 3.0” and said that I had no doubt that in the years to come, I will be recording even more episodes about me coming out of denial as this is a lifelong journey. Who knew that it wouldn't be in the years to come but actually sooner in the months to come? This week’s episode 196 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is more instances of me coming out of denial!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
I often share on the Fragmented to Whole Podcast my own experiences of coming out of denial to illustrate to you what this looks like and to help myself come further out of denial by bringing this stuff out into the open. This week, I’m sharing a couple of examples that have happened in my life recently where others have shed light on my part in things and helped me realize I was doing things I didn’t even realize I was doing.
I also cover in this episode:
* The power of acknowledging and thanking someone for he…
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Jan 16, 2023
Your Step-by-Step Guide For How to Mindfully Rekindle Old Friendships | Episode 195
I recently talked to a friend from recovery who asked me if I had any advice or experience when it comes to rekindling an old friendship and of course I do so I wanted to share the advice I gave to her with you as well. This week’s episode 195 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is your step-by-step guide for how to mindfully rekindle old friendships!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the advice I gave to my friend for how to rekindle an old friendship and some example language to use if you’re just not sure where to start.
I do what to make a disclaimer that in this scenario, my friend was the one who asked her friend for some space so this may look a bit different if it played out the other way around for you.
The basic steps I have laid out for you to use if you’re planning to rekindle a friendship are:
* Keep the focus on yourself, not the other person.
* Think about why you disconne…
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Jan 9, 2023
How to Know if You're an Adult Child- Part 2: The Other Laundry List | Episode 194
Although ACA started as Adult Children of Alcoholics, it is now referred to as Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families because whether your parents were addicts, alcoholics, chronically ill, mentally ill, militaristic, super religious, etc. any kind of family dysfunction can lead to the same set of traits. This week’s episode 194 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 2 of how to know if you’re an adult child- The Other Laundry List!
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Last week I shared what is referred to by the ACA fellowship as The Laundry List- the 14 traits of an adult child to describe the traits we as “adult children” take on as a result of our dysfunctional families. While the original laundry list describes how we are affected by alcoholism and family dysfunction, it does not mention how we might “act out” those traits by becoming victimizers and adopting the behaviors of our parents, and thus, the seed for The Other Laundry…
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Jan 2, 2023
How to Know if You're an Adult Child- Part 1: The Laundry List | Episode 193
A huge part of my recovery has been coming out of denial and part of my denial journey is coming to realize that I am what’s called an Adult Child and then, once I realized that - that more traits of an adult child apply to me than I once believed. This week’s episode 193 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 1 of how to know if you’re an adult child- The Laundry List!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m reading what is affectionately called The Laundry List- the 14 traits of an adult child and sharing my experience of coming to realize how these traits apply to me- whether they were obvious to me at first or not.
The 14 traits on The Laundry List include:
* We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
* We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
* We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
* We either become alcoholics, marry the…
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Dec 26, 2022
My CEO Retreat Failed, But I Still Had a Great Day Thanks to Recovery | Episode 192
Earlier this month, I set aside one day where I planned to take myself on a CEO retreat and do a deep dive into a project for my business. When the day came, it was an absolute fail, and yet, my life wasn’t ruined because of it. This week’s episode 192 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the time my CEO retreat failed but I still had a great day thanks to recovery!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m walking you through a day in my life where it felt like everything that could have gone wrong, did and sharing how recovery changed how I faced these challenges that would have otherwise ruined my day.
This story is a perfect example that going through recovery doesn’t mean shit just stops happening to you. Shit still happens to me all of the time. But through recovery, I have changed how I approach and react to these situations so that I can still live a peaceful life. Be sure to tune in to all th…
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Dec 19, 2022
How I Came Out of Denial- My ACA Story | Episode 191
I typically record myself when I share in meetings so I can listen back and see how things have changed - how my perspective has changed and how I’ve grown as a person. I’ve never considered sharing these recordings on the podcast until a fellow in recovery suggested the idea to me and I thought, why not? This week’s episode 191 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is a recorded sharing from a meeting and it’s my ACA story about how I came out of denial.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m doing something a bit different and sharing a recording I took from an actual ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) meeting where I share my story of coming out of denial and how recovery shifted literally every aspect of my life.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* How I approach situations in my relationships now compared to how I handled them in the past.
*…
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Dec 12, 2022
Participate in Your Own Recovery with Dan Reeves | Episode 190
You can lie, pretend, and go through the motions for so long but until you make the decision to participate in your own recovery, you’re not going to see the life changes you’re looking for. This week’s episode 190 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about participating in your own recovery!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, my guest Dan Reeves shares his story of how his dependency on alcohol started and the path it took him down and how, despite previous experiences with AA, it was one meeting that finally shifted his perspective and lead to his major life change.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* What it means to participate in your own recovery.
* What’s on Dan’s “miracle list” and how he uses it as a reminder of all the good things that have happened in his life that encourages him to keep going.
* How Dan uses his unique skills to participate in his reco…
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Dec 5, 2022
How to Hold Onto Your Own Integrity-Set Boundaries Using "Blurry Truth" | Episode 189
Through recovery, we learn to tell the truth in order to live with integrity but sometimes, the full truth is not anyone else’s business. That’s where what I call the “blurry truth” comes into play. This week’s episode 189 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to hold onto your own integrity by setting boundaries using “blurry truth.”
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how you can use “blurry truth” to set boundaries and find the balance between telling the truth without divulging all of the information and some ways I have practiced this in the past!
Before recovery, I used to lie to people in order to set boundaries and that was because I didn’t know of any other way. Now I know there are alternatives to set healthy boundaries while remaining in my integrity and wholeness.
Lying is not going to serve you in the long run. Your integrity matters and learning how to set…
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Nov 28, 2022
Dysfunctional vs. Functional Tools- How to Stop Making Things Worse! | Episode 188
I realized recently that before recovery I had a set of dysfunctional tools that actually made my life worse and through recovery, I was able to replace those tools with functional ones that make things better. This week’s episode 188 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about dysfunctional vs functional tools & how to stop making things worse!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the counter-productive tools of gossiping, pretending, lying, stuffing my feelings down, shame, hiding and denial that I used to use to manage my life and the tools I use now to manage my life in a healthy and productive way.
Obviously, there are far more dysfunctional tools I could list but you get the point. Through recovery, I have transformed my life from using tools that did not serve and actually made things worse, to me having a whole toolshed of functional, healthy tools that make my life better. Be sure to tune i…
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Nov 21, 2022
41 Things I Didn't Know Before Recovery That Completely Changed My Life | Episode 187
I spent so much of my life searching for something and didn’t know what I was searching for until I found it in recovery. That’s right, these realizations never once came up in the 37 years of therapy, self-help, and self-discovery work I did before going into recovery. And THAT is why carrying the message of recovery is so important to me. This week’s episode 187 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the 41 things I didn’t know before recovery that completely changed my life.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a list of things that I genuinely did not know about myself, the world, and the way things worked until I found them through my recovery journey.
Some of those 41 things are:
* I was in serious denial about a ton of stuff (much of which I will be listing here).
* I could ask for help and accept that help when given.
* Pausing is a thing & how to practice it!
* I didn’…
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Nov 14, 2022
The Origins and Effects of Adult Child Trauma Part 2 | Episode 186
When we’re little, we don’t know anything different than how we’ve been raised so for a lot of us, until we grow up and get into 12-step recovery programs, we don’t understand that what we endured as children was abusive and dyscuntional. Until we realize this and no longer adhere to the rigid beliefs we were taught as children, we remain stuck in this loop of dysfunction. This week’s episode 186 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 2 of the origins and effects of adult child trauma.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing more excerpts from the book Adult Children of Alcoholics, affectionately known as the “big red book,” and sharing the wisdom i’ve gained through my own journey on how you can begin putting the puzzle pieces together yourself and healing your inner child.
Listen back to part one of this episode to hear more excerpts from the book and more about my journey and persp…
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Nov 7, 2022
The Origins and Effects of Adult Child Trauma Part 1 | Episode 185
I often get asked how we all got our adult child attachment and adult child trauma issues and the short answer is from not having our needs met as a child or what I used to think of as the absence of “good things” happening for me in my childhood. This can be anything from emotional invalidation or being gaslighted by our families, pretending things that are happen aren’t happening, or avoiding something big and horrendous happening and acting like everything is fine. The list goes on. This week’s episode 185 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the origins and effects of adult child trauma.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing excerpts from the book Adult Children of Alcoholics, affectionately known as the “big red book,” and my journey and perspective of understanding adult child trauma.
Some of the excerpts I cover in part 1 of this episode include:
* Trusting the perception o…
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Oct 31, 2022
If You NEED People to Need YOU, You're Codependent | Episode 184
Codependency doesn’t always exist as your need for someone else to do something for you, but as you subconsciously needing someone else to need YOU in order to feel worthy and valuable. This week’s episode 184 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I am sharing the realization I had myself that if you need people to need you, you’re codependent!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing my own story as well as a client’s story where we realized our codependency through finding worth in being needed by others. I also encourage you to check in on the motives behind your behaviors and identifying which of your issues may be linked back to a lack of boundaries.
When you get better with your boundaries, you suddenly have this energetic force field around you where you’re able to hold in the good energy around you and repel other’s negative energy, no matter the chaos surrounding you.
Be sure to tune i…
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Oct 24, 2022
Stop Gossiping About Yourself | Episode 183
Typically we think about gossiping as something we do about other people, however, I realized that some of the behaviors I’ve engaged in in the past might be considered gossiping about myself. In this week’s episode 183 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing that means (AND telling you to stop gossiping about yourself!).
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing what thoughts or actions I consider to be gossiping about myself and how when I started to consider it as gossip, it was much easier to stop- especially after I learned to stop gossiping about other people.
Gossip is not a solution-oriented practice and only has ill effects. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your sto…
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Oct 17, 2022
Denial 3.0 | Episode 182
Denial is so pervasive and insidious that it takes a long time to come out of it. When you’re recovering from family dysfunction, it’s one of the most important tasks you’ll have to accomplish. This week’s episode 182 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about coming out of denial!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a story from my weekend where I noticed I am still coming out of denial from my past life even though I have been in recovery for 7.5 years. I also share what denial might look like in your life and the types of denial we must work through in recovery.
When we go to meetings and hear other people’s stories, we can start putting the pieces of our own stories together, realize we are not alone and use this to come out of denial bit by bit. We realize we’re not alone, we’re not uniquely flawed, we’re not beyond hope, and we’re not terminally unique - but we are beloved ch…
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Oct 10, 2022
Methods for Reparenting Myself- What That Looks Like for Me | Episode 181
The need for reparenting comes up when you grow up in a dysfunctional family where the parents weren't able to teach the children healthy tools and coping skills for how to manage life. This week’s episode 181 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about 5 methods for reparenting & what that looks like for me!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of doing inner child work to heal the parts of you that were left behind and actionable steps you can take right now to reparent yourself in a way that works for you, as simple or complex as necessary.
5 things I have done to reparent myself and what they’ve done for me
* Took a photo of myself from my childhood and took time each morning to speak kind affirmations towards her.
* Looked myself in the eyes through the mirror and said “I love you just the way you are Barb” even when I didn’t mean it, and I continue to do so
* Crea…
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Oct 3, 2022
Addiction and Survival Traits with Craig Radix | Episode 180
More often than not, addiction and survival traits come with this negative connotation but today’s guest wanted to bring a new perspective to the intelligence that comes with these survival tactics. This week’s episode 180 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about addiction and survival traits!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, my guest Craig Radix shares how his life experiences lead him to adapt for the better and how acknowledging his past has given him a new perspective on addiction and survival.
Some of the talking points covered in this episode include:
* How growing up in the Bronx shaped Craig’s childhood in a much different way.
* The roles Craig took on to adapt and survive in his environment.
* Doing the inner child work to acknowledge and show gratitude for the moments that shaped him - no matter how positive or negative those experiences were.
* How Craig was able to take his learne…
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Sep 26, 2022
Freedom from the Lie of Shame- You're Not Inherently Flawed | Episode 179
Many of us in recovery use drugs or alcohol to temporarily avoid the feeling of shame, but the thing about addiction is it fuels the shame we feel about our behaviors and leads us into a dangerous cycle. That’s why it’s so important to deal with the underlying shame, put a stop to the cycle and avoid potential relapse. This week’s episode 179 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about freedom from the lie of shame- you’re not inherently flawed!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing my journey of understanding shame through recovery and actionable steps you can take right now to set boundaries and remove shame from your life.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* Sharing the acronym S.H.A.M.E. (Should Have Already Mastered Everything) that I learned in recovery that brought me so much clarity as to why I felt shame.
* How I came to realize that this thing that was…
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Sep 19, 2022
How Fixed Versus Growth Mindset Affects People in Recovery | Episode 178
The difference between fixed mindset and growth mindset is that if you have a fixed mindset, it means you think you are the way you are and there's no possibility of changing. Your personality and abilities are fixed. But if you have a growth mindset, you believe that change is possible, you believe your intelligence can grow, and you believe you have the ability to change your long standing behaviors. This week’s episode 178 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how fixed versus growth mindset affects people in recovery!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing where the ideas of fixed versus growth mindset comes from, the research that backs this mindset shift, and how you can shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset to make changes in your own life.
A huge part of recovery is coming to understand that we have certain underlying beliefs or subconscious scripts about the nature of reality a…
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Sep 12, 2022
What Balance Really is and How to Get There and Stay There | Episode 177
One time I was coaching a client who expressed that every time she got close to finding balance, something would happen and it would throw her off. I replied that balance is not getting to a certain point or a certain set of behaviors and staying there; it’s not a static point but rather a constant adjustment. This week’s episode 177 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about what balance really is, how to get there, and how to stay there!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of looking at the bigger picture of your balanced life rather than focusing on the day to day balance and actionable steps you can take right now to make small pivots and adjustments to get and stay in balance.
Stop thinking that life balance is a static point that you’ll achieve and stay there. Real balance requires constant motion. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on…
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Sep 5, 2022
What is the Dreaded Drama Triangle and How to Get Out of It | Episode 176
The drama triangle is a dysfunctional pattern of interaction that perpetuates dysfunction rather than changing it. This week’s episode 176 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the dreaded drama triangle and how to get out of it!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of recognizing when you're in a drama triangle and what role you’re playing in it, then actionable steps you can take right now to break the cycle and turn this into a positive outcome for everyone.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* The 3 roles that make up the drama triangle.
* How each of the 3 roles play into one another to create a never ending cycle.
* Sharing an example of this drama triangle that you may be able to resonate with.
* Using the empowerment dynamic to get out of the drama triangle.
It is important to note that healthy people can engage in this too from tim…
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Aug 29, 2022
Dan Made Me Feel Like a Criminal When I Filmed Him Drunk | Episode 175
The thing with codependence is we feel this compulsion to get in between other people and the consequences of their behavior. When we do this, we become resentful of THEM and make THEM the entire problem when it is us who was enabling them all along. This week’s episode 175 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I am sharing the story of the time Dan made me feel like a criminal when I filmed him drunk.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a situation I was involved in at the height (or I guess you could say the bottom) of my codependence and my journey in learning that we cannot blame people for the actions that we are enabling them to continue.
No matter how much we love or care for someone, we cannot change other people and we especially cannot change other people who are addicts. The only thing more powerful than addiction is God but the person must seek God and welcome in God’s guidance. Be sure…
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Aug 22, 2022
The Golden Chunk of Time- Using Boundaries to Get Shit Done | Episode 174
When I coach my clients one of the metaphors I use with them is this idea that you can think about your precious resources of love, money, energy, and time as your “property.” I encourage them to put a boundary around that property, much like you’d put a fence around your house. This week’s episode 174 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the golden chunk of time - using boundaries to get shit done!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of protecting the limited time you have and actionable steps you can take right now to set boundaries around that time so that you can be purposeful and focused to get shit done.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* Healthy boundaries act as an energetic force field that protects your good energy and repels other’s negative energy.
* The benefits of using the “golden chunk of time” to stay focused and b…
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Aug 15, 2022
Daily Success Habits to Keep You Happy, Joyous and Free | Episode 173
I’ve had a number of people ask me what I do on a daily basis for my recovery. After being inspired by a business podcast where the woman talked about daily success habits for successful entrepreneurs, I thought I’d share my foundational daily habits as well. This week’s episode 173 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about my daily success habits that keep me happy, joyous and free!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of building a daily routine that keeps you grounded and aligned with your goals and actionable steps you can take right now to take inspiration from my daily practices and put together your own constellation of daily habits that work for you!
The 3 daily habits I practice every single say to keep me happy, joyous and free are:
* Consistent, conscious contact with my higher power.
* Moving my body regularly and in various ways throughout the day.
* Practici…
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Aug 8, 2022
Seven Steps to Coming Out of Victim Mentality | Episode 172
It can be very difficult to recognize when you are in a victim mentality, but it is the most important and the first step in getting out of this mentality. I had no idea I was in a victim mentality. I could identify others who were playing the victim, and yet I couldn’t identify it in myself. It wasn’t until I started doing the steps that I realized that I had this mentality. It didn’t mean I was weak, just that I had this mentality. This week’s episode 172 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the seven steps to coming out of victim mentality!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of identifying if you have a victim mentality and why you should get out of it, and actionable steps you can take right now to stop blaming other people for everything in your life and actively take control of your life.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* The most…
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Aug 1, 2022
Five Methods for How to Make Decisions for People in Recovery | Episode 171
I hear often from people in recovery that they have a hard time with making decisions. I have found that having some methods to make decisions makes it so much easier for me. In fact, many of the tools we talk about here on the podcast are methods for making decisions. This week’s episode 171 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about five methods for how to make decisions for people in recovery!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of making decisions, why choosing not to make a decision is a choice, and actionable steps you can take right now to make decisions easier. Sometimes it’s not even the decision we make, but the work behind the commitment of that decision. I have learned that if I don’t know what to do, I will do nothing, and wait for something to happen. I have learned that I don’t have to always be the decision maker.
The five methods for making a decision:
* Ask yours…
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Jul 25, 2022
I’m More Than Just an Addict with Nicholas Cialdella | Episode 170
*Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, sexual assault and trauma, childhood abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, and depression.*
There are a lot of stigmas around addiction that stop people from getting the help they need for recovery, or even talking about their experiences. Nick knows both sides; being an addict and going through recovery, as well as helping others no matter their financial situation get the help they need through Never Alone Recovery. Nick also knows what it means to help the family unit, not just the addict, when it comes to the recovery journey. This week’s episode 170 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the power of a united family recovery journey!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding the shame around addiction and actionable steps you can take right now to start to unearth the route cause of the emotions you feel before and…
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Jul 18, 2022
Top Apps to Keep You Happy Joyous and Free (Revisited) | Episode 169
In 2020, I shared my top apps to keep you happy, joyous, and free. Recently, I was asked to share some more of the apps I frequently use to help keep my life and business organized while keeping things simple and fun. So, this week episode 169 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about my top apps to keep you happy, joyous, and free!
*Support the show by** becoming a Patreon member**! *
Here are the apps that I use most frequently:
* Blinkist – allows you to listen to or read abridged versions of books
* Calendly – a calendar scheduling app so you can manage your appointments more efficiently
* Drink Water Reminder – a tracker for how much water you are drinking in a day (Apple App Store & Google Play)
* Game apps I like to play – Wordscape, Solitaire, Card Games IO
* Google Keep – a notes app to help track your thoughts or copy and paste written things you might need, i.e., Affirmations and links you use often
* Built-into=the phone notes app
* LastPass –…
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Jul 11, 2022
Why Consistency Is So Hard and How To Get Over The Hurdle | Episode 168
I’ve been thinking a lot about consistency lately. One of the things I’m able to do now that I have been in recovery, and now that I have healthy boundaries, is I’m able to be consistent in my self-care, and I trust myself now. I was incapable of doing things consistently before recovery. This week’s episode 168 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about why consistency is so hard and how to get over the hurdle!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of consistency and actionable steps you can take right now to get over the hurdle of becoming consistent. If you are trying to accomplish a big task, like getting through to school or being healthy, consistency in small things, like homework and healthy meals, is far more important and more achievable than doing grand gestures. The beginning step is always harder, because it takes a lot of mental energy to get over the inertia of goin…
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Jul 4, 2022
Don't Go To The Hardware Store for Milk | Episode 167
I was having lunch with a friend recently and she was really agonizing over whether or not she should leave her job. She’s torn because the circumstances she’s under aren’t great but she loves the work. In recovery we have a saying that applied to this situation: “Don’t go to the hardware store for milk.” That is, stop expecting someone or something to give you something they’re not capable of giving! This week’s episode 167 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about accepting things as they are.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of accepting things as they are - like that the hardware store doesn’t sell milk; it sells hardware. So don’t go there expecting milk! I also talk about how to focus on one day at a time, and one situation at a time. I share actionable steps you can take right now to allow things to be as they are, and be present because the present is th…
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Jun 27, 2022
Here's What it Looks Like... | Episode 166
I heard someone ask the other day, “Are you spiritually fit, or are things just going your way?” and this past week things just didn’t go my way. This proved to me that I am far more spiritually fit than I used to be. I’ve learned to live life on life’s terms. This week’s episode 166 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about living life on life’s terms, instead of on Barb’s terms!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of letting shit go and actionable steps you can take right now to get spiritually fit through re-defining how you react to things when shit happens. I had a bad week. Things that may not be a big deal to you that were a big deal to me, happened. In this episode, I share my personal story from trying to see the new Top Gun Maverick movie, and why I am so proud of myself for how I handled the whole situation.
I didn’t know it was an option to be serene whe…
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Jun 20, 2022
What Most People Don't Know About Physical Addiction vs Process Addiction | Episode 165
I was listening to another recovery podcast the other day and this other person was talking about how they had no idea where to find resources. It occurred to me that it would be beneficial to discuss the 12 step recovery process for those of you who aren’t familiar with it so you can see if it’s right for you or not. I really didn’t “get” addiction until I was in my second recovery program. This week’s episode 165 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about understanding the difference between a physical addiction and a process addiction!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding the two-fold nature of the addiction illness and actionable steps you can take right now to better understand if a 12 step recovery program is for you.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* What physical addiction is and is not, and examples of what this loo…
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Jun 13, 2022
Why People Pleasing is Dishonest and Manipulative and How to Stop | Episode 164
When I first got into recovery, I remember saying that I was confused on where the line was between being helpful and being rescuing. I was asked what my intentions were behind my actions, and that’s how I realized that I was doing things because I was anxious about how people perceived me. Turns out, I was doing it because I was hoping others would think good things about me, and not because I was necessarily trying to be helpful without it being about me. I didn’t want to look bad. This week’s episode 164 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about understanding your own motives to stop being manipulative and a people pleaser!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of stopping your people pleasing behaviors and actionable steps you can take right now to stop the manipulation.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* How I discovered the difference between…
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Jun 6, 2022
Feelings Aren't Facts But They're Still Real and They Matter | Episode 163
There’s a thing that people in recovery like to say, and it really used to piss me off. The saying is, “Feelings aren’t facts,”. While it may be true, I know my feelings are real, and I just didn’t get it when people said this. Usually it was in an accusatory manner, like, “How dare you have those feelings!” I now have a better handle on my feelings, both in recognition and understanding them. This week’s episode 163 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to validate and understand your feelings and create emotional sobriety!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding your feelings and actionable steps you can take right now to validate your feelings without overreacting and letting emotions take the driver’s seat. A lot of the times our emotions and our reactions to those feelings are directly related to the things we’ve experienced in our past. I…
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May 30, 2022
The Progressive Nature of My Illness | Episode 162
One of the things that we’re told about recovery is that the disease is progressive; meaning, if left untreated, the disease gets worse and worse and worse. My experience is that this progressive nature is also true about codependency. I recently started thinking about how my life would be different if I was never in recovery, given how progressive things got with both my addiction and my codependence at the end there. This week’s episode 162 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the progressive nature of our illnesses!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of reflecting on where you’d be if you didn’t get into recovery and actionable steps you can take right now to recognize the pressive nature when it rears it’s ugly head.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* What it felt like when I was codependent; feeling trapped and constantly needing m…
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May 23, 2022
How to Care More What You Think Of Yourself Than What Others Do | Episode 161
Caring more about what I think of myself than what others do is by far the biggest thing that has enabled me to go from having no boundaries to having really healthy boundaries. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean I don’t care at all what others think of me, but it has become lower on my list of priorities. Experimentation is required when developing healthy boundaries, and I want to show you what that looks like. It will help you shore up your integrity. This week’s episode 161 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to care more about what you think of you than what others think of you!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of standing up for yourself and giving a shit about yourself and actionable steps you can take right now to care more about what you think of you. I was willing to throw my integrity out the window for the chance that people would like me. I would lie to ge…
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May 16, 2022
Recovering Shit Show Andrea Ashley | Episode 160
I’m super excited today to have Andrea Ashley as my guest, she’s the host of the Adult Child podcast. I was in a step study group and somebody messaged me about her podcast. I listened to the trailer and after listening to two episodes, I knew she had to be on the podcast. She shares raw stories of recovery like you rarely hear outside of a meeting and she’s also able to pull concepts together in a way that are really understandable. She's also incredibly vulnerable and authentic with her own personal stories. Plus she uses the f-word more than I do! This week’s episode 160 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about Andrea Ashley’s story as a recovering shit show!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m with Andrea Ashley sharing the importance of therapy and 12-step recovery in her journey to unearth her true self, and the healing modalities she’s used to address the trauma of her past. She also sha…
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May 9, 2022
Boundaries in the Bedroom | Episode 159
I’m kind of surprised that boundaries in the bedroom is just now touching the podcast; and even more surprised that I just now realized that what I am talking about in this episode is even boundaries at all. Setting healthy boundaries in all aspects of a relationship, including in the bedroom, is so important! This week’s episode 159 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about trusting yourself and setting boundaries for the bedroom!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of trusting yourself and your boundaries and actionable steps you can take right now to build and set healthy boundaries around sexuality. I learned how to set boundaries in my 12 step recovery journey. Boundaries are one of the most important gifts I got from recovery, and they’re one of my most important tools of recovery. I was really attracted to my partner in the beginning because of his healthy boundaries. It was thr…
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May 2, 2022
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Make the Most Out of Your Recovery | Episode 158
Stop comparing yourself to others! It’s typically going to either lead you to feeling like shit about yourself, or it’ll make you feel like you’re better than others. Either way - not good. Instead, the power is in keeping the focus and the comparison on former you and where you are now. Most of us have gotten better throughout our lives, but it’s not always linear. This week’s episode 158 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about making the most out of your recovery by not comparing yourself to others!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of keeping the focus on yourself and your own recovery and actionable steps you can take right now to compare yourself to former you, and not focus on others. What *you* think of yourself should matter more than what others’ think of you. What really matters is how you feel about yourself.
If you’re comparing yourself to your former self, and…
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Apr 25, 2022
Tips on How to Find the Right Sponsor in 12-Step Recovery | Episode 157
I’ve been asked how to find the right sponsor for you in recovery, and as a sponsor myself I thought I would also share how my process for sponsoring. Just like everything in recovery, take what you want and leave the rest. This episode covers information for those new to recovery looking for their first sponsor, as well as those deeper into their journey too. It also helps those looking for a sponsor, as well as sponsors themselves,. This week’s episode 157 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about Tips on How to Find the Right Sponsor in 12-Step Recovery!
Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of doing what works best for you as both the sponsor and the sponsee and actionable steps you can take right now to pick the best sponsor relationship for you.
Some of the tips I go over in this episode include:
* What a sponsor is supposed to be, and not supposed to be, and what a healthy relat…
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Apr 18, 2022
Info, Not Ammo | Episode 156
I can’t believe I have never done a podcast on the concept of info, not ammo. When you learn something negative about yourself, instead of using it as *ammunition* for you to beat yourself up, use it as *information* to integrate about yourself. This is so important especially in the 4th step inventory of 12-step recovery. This week’s episode 156 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about learning to use negative information about yourself as info to learn and grow from instead of ammunition to beat yourself up!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding the difference between taking information as information only, versus using it as ammunition to attack yourself. I also cover actionable steps you can take right now to be honest with others and yourself and stop manipulating information. I give the example of how I used this “info not ammo” principle when I learned that I w…
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Apr 11, 2022
How to Stop Lying to Yourself and Make Real Change - You Can Do Hard | Episode 155
One comment I hear all the time from people in recovery or who are trying to make big changes in their lives is, “It’s so hard!”. The hard that you’re currently living if you’re still using is actually making things more difficult unless something changes. This week’s episode 155 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to stop lying to yourself about it being “too hard” and get on the path to healing and thus, less hard!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of going through the hard and actionable steps you can take right now to stop telling yourself it’s too hard to accomplish, and just do it. You can do hard because you’ve been doing “hard” your whole life! It is hard to do the change, but once you do it the rest gets easier. Something being hard is not a good excuse to not do the thing; so stop saying, “It’s so hard” and remember you can do hard.
If you…
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Apr 4, 2022
How I Lead My Life on Purpose {Rebroadcast of Reinvention Rebels} | Episode 154
I am doing something new in this episode that I've never done before; I am resharing a conversation from a year and a half ago on the podcast Reinvention Rebels. This is the first time I was ever on a podcast and you’ll hear how fresh and new I was to my message and my own voice. I relistened recently, and there’s a lot of good information in it! That’s why episode 154 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is a rebroadcast of my discussion with Wendy Battles on the Reinvention Rebels podcast!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of reflection in my life for self-love and actionable steps you can take right now to be brave and rediscover yourself.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* The two major transitions I had in the past 5 years; getting into 12-step recovery and getting laid off from Yale.
* The role of reflection, reimagination, and restarting my life…
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Mar 28, 2022
Learning to Have Realistic Expectations and Becoming Able to Let Things Go | Episode 153
When I did the 12 steps in my second program, after I determined my defects of character in steps 4 & 5, I was tasked with picking 4 of my top defects and do some really deep work on each of those for steps 6 & 7. I had to define very specifically what it would look like if God removed these defects. That process came in very handy this week, even years later. That’s why episode 153 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast relates a story about how ordering a product from someone showed me the importance of learning to let thing go and set more realistic expectations, which were two of my worst defects of character.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of letting shit go and actionable steps you can take right now to be accepting of things as they are. I used to hold onto things forever, especially my unrealistic expectations of others, then later punish them for not meeting those unrealisti…
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Mar 21, 2022
How to Stop Taking Things Personally and Come Out of Victim Mentality | Episode 152
Probably the most important paradigm shift of my entire recovery journey was coming out of victim mentality. I had no idea I had this mentality but I could spot a victim a mile away; I thought I could save them all. When I finally discovered that I had victim mentality, it was a huge awakening; what else did I not know about myself? That’s why episode 152 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about getting out of victim mentality!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of not taking things personally and actionable steps you can take right now to take responsibility for the part you have in every relationship you’re in. I really figured this out myself while reflecting on my past relationships. I acted as if I wasn’t responsible for any part of them; the person I was in a relationship with was responsible for everything wrong, and I was just there (well, actually, I thought I was res…
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Mar 14, 2022
Why Your Motives Matter for You But Not For Other People | Episode 151
One of the most important questions I have learned to ask myself when trying to decide what is the right thing for me to do is “What are my motives?”. Your motives really matter when it comes to your own next steps, but other people don’t care about your motives. They care about your actions. That’s why episode 151 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about why your motives matter for you, but not for other people!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding your own motives and actionable steps you can take right now to live on purpose. When it comes to the question of motives, you have to remember that what your motives are matter to you because why you’re doing something has everything to do with the energy you bring to it. Being clear on your purpose and your values, will allow you to more deeply understand your motives and live on purpose.
It doesn’t matter t…
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Mar 7, 2022
Addicted to Comfort with Alex Pierpaoli | Episode 150
Alex and I met back in 2018, and the way he articulates his story is so inspiring that I knew he had to be on the podcast. Alex is in two different 12-step programs, one for behavior and one for substance, in his case, food. That’s why episode 150 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how Alex was addicted to comfort, and his story through that recognition during recovery.
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding the difference between comfort and familiarity, as well as actionable steps you can take right now to start to understand your own behaviors around comfort.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* How Alex came to recognize his addiction to sugar through a 12-step recovery program.
* How much bigger of a change his perspective shift was over his weight loss, and the perspective shifts he’s made along his journey.
* Alex’s…
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Feb 28, 2022
How Surrender Leads to Victory Not Loss
I heard someone talking about their journey to starting recovery and how they didn’t ever want to surrender anything because that would mean that they would lose. I don’t believe that surrender in recovery means you lose, so I wanted to bring it to you this week. That’s why episode 149 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how surrender leads to victory!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of surrendering in recovery and actionable steps you can take right now to feel better about surrendering and lean into it to lead to victory. It never even occurred to me when I started my own journey that the surrendering you did in recovery was the same in battle or that people felt that way. You don’t lose in surrendering in recovery; in fact the surrendering you do in recovery leads to victory.
I surrendered so many battles, and surrendered to the perfect rhythm and flow of life fo…
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Feb 21, 2022
How to Stop Being Attached to Outcomes - You Don't Get to Have your Curiosity Satisfied | Episode 148
I used to believe that if I was curious about something, I deserved to have it satisfied, or I needed to have my curiosity satisfied. Something I learned through recovery is that I don’t have to or need to have it satisfied; I’m able to *NOT *get closure on things. I think my strong desire to know things comes from my confusing upbringing, but now I don’t *NEED* to understand things like I used to. That’s why episode 148 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about releasing the need to get closure and not be attached to outcomes!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of letting go of the need to understand why or how something exists the way it does, and allow things to remain open without closure. I also chat about actionable steps you can take right now to learn to be okay with not satisfying your curiosity. I used to act like I could make things turn out the way I wanted to if…
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Feb 14, 2022
You Are Not Alone - There Are Others Just Like You | Episode 147
One of the most powerful lessons you can learn in recovery is that you are not alone. It was recently reinforced after receiving a Postsecret email. Frank’s story of how he created Postsecret and why is incredibly moving. That’s why episode 147 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about understanding that you are not alone!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of community for healing and actionable steps you can take right now to feel less isolated.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* The story of how Postsecret started, and how much shame so many of us feel even though we share so many common secrets and shameful moments.
* How humans are like pack animals; we thrive in community, and why we need to lean into that community to feel less isolated.
* How one of the greatest gifts from recovery is that we aren’t doing it alone - We are addictive…
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Feb 7, 2022
Stop F-ing Blaming Other People and Keep the Focus on Yourself | Episode 146
I titled this episode as if it’s a command, but it’s really an option. You get to choose to stop putting the blame on others. If everyone else really is to blame for everything wrong in your life; you may as well crawl under a rock because you have no options. I don’t believe this at all. That’s why episode 146 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is keeping the focus on yourself instead of blaming other people!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of focusing on yourself and your life and actionable steps you can take right now to allow options to come to you.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* Key figures in history who had been horribly harmed but instead of blaming others chose to focus on what they could do.
* Why it’s actually paralyzing you to blame them, even if they are actually to blame.
* What victim mentality is, and how to get out…
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Jan 31, 2022
How to Stop Worrying About Others' Opinions | Episode 145
Years before recovery I was part of a spiritual sharing circle. One of the people who was part of that same sharing circle had been in AA for a long time, and one of the things he said all the time was, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you,”. It took me a long time to figure out what that meant. I was so codependent on others that I had no idea how to wrap my head around it. That’s why episode 145 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to stop worrying about others’ opinions and start worrying about your own!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of worrying about your own opinions of yourself and actionable steps you can take right now to stop caring what others think.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* How we take it personally when someone doesn’t like us, and the various ways we cope with being disliked.
* E…
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Jan 24, 2022
You have Choices - How to End your Suffering by Lowering your Expectations | Episode 144
I got a message from a long-time listener asking for this topic in a podcast episode because she could really use some guidance on lowering your expectations. Turns out, I have 4 episodes on lowering expectations, and it’s been a huge part of my recovery and a foundational piece to my sobriety. That’s why episode 144 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the choices you have that can end your suffering by lowering your expectations!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of lowering your expectations and actionable steps you get to take right now to change those expectations to live a more peaceful life.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* How I look at the serenity prayer to help me understand why I need to lower my expectations and only focus on changing myself, and how I cannot change others’.
* How I needed to lower my expectations around m…
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Jan 17, 2022
If I Am Disturbed, There’s Something Wrong with Me | Episode 143
There is a saying in step 10 of "The AA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions" book that I share with clients all the time, which has also been super helpful in my own recovery. A lot of people assume it means that they are always in the wrong, which isn’t true at all. That’s why episode 143 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about if I am disturbed there’s something wrong with me!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding this phrase and actionable steps you can take right now to learn how to “un-disturb” yourself and start taking charge of your life.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* My interpretation of the phrase and why it’s so important to me and for my recovery journey.
* How to figure out the things you can do to “un-disturb” yourself
* How my brother’s political views and yelling used to cause a lot of distress for me,…
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Jan 10, 2022
How a Dump Truck Taught Me Compassion for My Father | Episode 142
Have you ever explained that the reason someone acts the way they do is simply because they are a dick? That’s exactly what I said about my father until a dump truck changed my perspective. One day as I was driving home from a recovery meeting, I saw a dump truck with two bumper stickers. Those two bumper stickers would flood my mind with memories that would eventually lead to a breakthrough of compassion I didn’t know I needed to understand. That’s why episode 142 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how this dump truck taught me compassion for my father!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of compassion and actionable steps you can take right now to help yourself come to terms with others’ behaviors.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* My story of almost being crushed by an 18 wheeler at 16 years old, as well as another vehicle accident a…
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Jan 3, 2022
You are Responsible TO Your Feelings, Not FOR Your Feelings | Episode 141
I first heard the phrase, “You are responsible TO your feelings, not FOR your feelings,” from the book by Cheri Huber, There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate. While I didn’t understand what it meant until I went through recovery, I now appreciate this phrase a lot. That’s why episode 141 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how you are responsible TO your feelings, not FOR your feelings!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of the responsibility you have to feel the feelings you have and actionable steps you can take today to learn to just feel the feeling.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* The relationship I had prior to recovery with my feelings and how they stemmed from a phrase I heard in my childhood.
* The benefit to crying openly in front of others is that it lessens the grief.
* How, and when, to analyze where…
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Dec 27, 2021
Loving Someone Through Addiction with Jane Macky | Episode 140
I met Jane Macky professionally through the Innovation to Impact project through Yale. When I heard her story I knew she had to be on the podcast. That’s why episode 140 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about loving someone through addiction!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, Jane and I are sharing the importance of learning how to communicate with your loved ones who are going through addiction and a deeper understanding of a little-known method called the CRAFT method.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* Jane’s personal story of loving someone through their addiction, and why she’s decided to dedicate her life to helping others love their partners through addiction.
* What the CRAFT acronym is and why it’s important to understand the steps associated
* CRAFT teaches family members how to identify their loved one's triggers, break patterns, develop communication,…
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Dec 20, 2021
How You Can Go From Hating Hope to Loving Hope with One Simple Practice | Episode 139
The most important thing that I want to give you through this podcast is hope. I want you to have hope because I know from personal experience what it’s like to be without hope. That’s why episode 139 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how you can go from hating hope to loving hope in one simple practice!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of loving hope and actionable steps you can take right now to love hope with this one simple practice.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* One time in my life when I have been completely hopeless and why I want you to have hope and understand the importance of having hope.
* How I went from “hope sucks” to hope being my main mission and something I love, all through gratitude practice!
* What hope does for you, and why I fully believe it’s important for each and every one of you to experience.…
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Dec 13, 2021
Setting Boundaries around Family - when they love hiking, and you hate it | Episode 138
I wanted to share the message I got from a client that I believe that a lot of you will resonate with, and really how this message truly shows how to live your life on purpose. When we have healthy boundaries, we learn to trust ourselves and feel integral. When we are whole, we don’t need things from others and we can be closer to the people in your life. That’s why episode 138 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about Setting Boundaries around family!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of setting boundaries around family and actionable steps you can take right now to live your life on purpose.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* How this client demonstrated breaking a pattern and put herself first
* Not only did she not do the thing she didn’t want to do, but she did allow herself to rest and alone time, and why this is so important
* How se…
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Dec 6, 2021
Learn to Love Yourself: 16 things I Learned about Self-Love in Recovery, Part 2 | Episode 137
Last week I shared the first 8 of 16 things I learned about self love through recovery. If you haven’t yet, I want to encourage you to go back and listen to that episode first. Episode 137 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the other 8 of 16 total self love lessons I learned through recovery!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of self love and the lessons I learned throughout my recovery process; part 2.
The other 8 ways I learned self-love through recovery include:
* Asking for help and allowing others to love me; if you need help learning how to ask for help, I would love for you to check out this article: How to Start Asking for Help When You’ve Never Done It.
* Being present; being aware and grounded in my body
* Using gentle language with myself; if you’ve followed the podcast for any length of time, you know I swear a lot. However, after recovery I found th…
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Nov 29, 2021
Learn to Love Yourself: 16 things I learned about Self-Love in Recovery, Part 1 | Episode 136
If I had to boil down the 12 steps to recovery into one thing, I would say it all has to do with learning to love yourself. Now that I’ve grown to love myself, I can look back and see where I have put in that effort. That’s why episode 136 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the first 8 of 16 things I learned about self-love in recovery!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of self-love on the journey through recovery and actionable steps you can take right now to start the practice of loving yourself too.
The 8 ways I go over in this episode include:
* Putting down the substance; the first step to loving yourself is to stop putting the poison in your body.
* Stopping the self-criticism; I found when I stopped being so judgemental of myself, I also stopped being so judgemental of others too.
* Reparenting and Inner Child Work; this process, which happened organically…
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Nov 22, 2021
Go From Envy to Inspiration With One Simple Mind Shift | Episode 135
The idea that we should envy someone rather than be inspired by them is based on the notion that we can’t have what they have because what is possible for them must not be possible for us. That’s why episode 135 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about going from envy to inspiration with one simple mind shift.
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of making the distinction between envy and jealousy and actionable steps you can take right now to shift your mindset to believe that what is possible for another person is indeed possible for you as well.
The simple mindset shift you need is to believe that you can. That’s it. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in you…
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Nov 15, 2021
You Spot it, You Got It- Psychological Projection in 12 Step Recovery | Episode 134
Oftentimes, the things that you notice or that bother you in others are a reflection of a trait, habit, or behavior that you have yourself and don’t particularly like. That’s why episode 134 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about psychological projection in 12-step recovery!
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In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of recognizing when you are projecting onto others or when others are projecting onto you and giving these individuals the same compassion you would ask for if you were in the same ill position.
Just remember, when someone projects their psychological issues onto you, it is not about you. It is about them. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening!
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stori…
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Nov 8, 2021
I Got Over My Fears Because Courage is Contagious | Episode 133
I always thought courage meant that you had no fear but rather, it’s the ability to take action in the face of fear. That’s why episode 133 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how I got over my fears because courage is contagious!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of being courageous to show yourself it is possible to do it again and actionable steps you can take right now to feed off of others’ courage to take courageous action for yourself.
I challenge you to think about that one thing you haven’t had the courage to do yet, and talk about it in your next meeting, and eventually once you’ve done that thing, share it with others so that they can take their own courageous action. So be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.
Thank you for listening!
If y…
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Nov 1, 2021
Here's How to Overcome Disappointment So That You Can Have Peace | Episode 132
Peace is important to me and I have learned that I cannot have that peace if I don’t live in the present moment and accept what is actually happening rather than what I wanted to happen instead. That’s why episode 132 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about overcoming disappointment so that you can have peace!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of accepting what you cannot control and actionable steps you can take right now to overcome disappointment by finding the positives in every situation.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* The connection between acceptance and disappointment and how your higher power plays a part in this.
* Having the faith that the things that are meant for you, will come to you.
* Reframing a situation to think about the positives that may have come of it rather than the negatives.
The true way to overcome disappoin…
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Oct 25, 2021
Let Go of Your Expectations of Others and Meet Your Own Needs | Episode 131
What I learned from the process of recovery was that deep down inside, I wanted someone to rescue me. Instead, I’ve learned to show up and take care of myself. That’s why episode 131 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about letting go of your expectations of others and meeting your own needs!
*Support the show by **becoming a Patreon member**! *
In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of meeting your own needs instead of looking outside of yourself and actionable steps you can take right now to let go of your expectations of others.
Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:
* Codependents tend to focus outside of themselves to meet their needs but the world wasn’t created to meet your needs.
* How I tried to get the things I needed but was actually pushing those things away without knowing it.
* You can actually let go of expectations after the fact and it matters.
* A concrete example of how I let go of…
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Oct 19, 2021
**Video Episode** Guest Episode: Robin from Workit Health | Episode 130
Subscribe to our Patreon channel to get the video of this episode!!! Instructions below.
Today's guest is Robin McIntosh, Co-CEO & Co-Founder of Workit Health which provides online drug and alcohol treatment with medication. Robin shares of her idyllic childhood that was ruptured with tragedy. She learned of the generational abuse of alcohol in her family at that time, then later because a polysubstance user who relapsed repeatedly. When she finally got clean, sober and abstinent, she realized that treatment wasn't working for many of her peers who were dying. This led to the creation of Workit Health, which provides online drug and alcohol treatment,
Workit Health provides xpert care for substance use, mental health, and co-occurring disorders and can be found at https://www.workithealth.com/ or @workithealth on Instagram.
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels rig…
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Oct 11, 2021
Why People Get Offended When You Set Boundaries with Them | Episode 129
I share a couple of stories to illustrate how people get offended when someone sets a boundary with them, and how it (often) is because they don't have healthy boundaries themselves. You'll also learn how it's up to you where and when you want to set boundaries, and whether you want to explain about your boundary.
Group coaching on boundaries begins 10/26: https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries/
Free webinar on boundaries 10/17/21: https://tinyurl.com/abusm875
Free resources on boundaries: https://higherpowercc.com/start-setting-boundaries/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!). Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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Oct 4, 2021
Are You a Peach or a Pear? Not Everyone Is Going to Like You | Episode 128
Coming to understand that we are flawesome (flawed + awesome) and that not everyone is going to like us is a GAME CHANGER for many of us in recovery! When we realize that we're fine just as we are, and some people are just never gonna like us, life gets easier. I give a metaphor for thinking about this which is that - maybe you're a peach, and not everyone likes peaches. No one blames the peach, and no one blames the person for not liking peaches. That's just the way it is. Not everyone likes peaches.
My other episodes mentioned today were:#31 Overcoming Unrealistic Expectationshttps://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-31-overcoming-unrealistic-expectations/
#83 Flawesome!https://higherpowercc.com/2021/03/12/83-flawesome/
And I also mentioned Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School, you can find her podcast here:https://thelifecoachschool.com/podcast/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoach…
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Sep 27, 2021
You Don’t Have to Believe the Stories Going through Your Head | Episode 127
We often make up stories about ourselves, others and the world that are not based in fact and truth. Yet we act as if they are and live with the consequences of believing these b.s. stories! You don't have to life like that! You'll hear a couple of stories about what these stories can look like and how to change them.
The other episodes I refer to are: #18 One Day at a Time https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-18-one-day-at-a-time/
#29 Don't Live into the Wreckage of the Future https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-29-dont-live-into-the-wreckage-of-the-future/
#111 How and Why to Stop Dragging the Story with You https://higherpowercc.com/2021/06/07/episode-111-how-and-why-to-stop-dragging-the-story-with-you/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it h…
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Sep 20, 2021
How Understanding Your Part in Things Brings You Out of Victim Mentality | Episode 126
I explore how looking for "your part in things" (as taught in step 4) shows us where we've been doing things that have contributed to the difficulties in our lives. This gives us options for how to do things differently. This brings us out of victim mentality because we now see we have choices. those with victim mentality blame others and the world for their difficulties because they truly believe they have no choices. Recovery teaches that we do have choices, always. I share three stories of how my reactions to situations has changed drastically to illustrate these concepts.The three other episodes I recommended were:
* #2 Acceptancehttps://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-2-acceptance/
* #3 Victim Mentalityhttps://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-3-victim-mentality/
* #106 How to Overcome Victim Mentality Even If You've Been Victimizedhttps://higherpowercc.com/2021/05/04/episode-106-how-to-overcome-victim-mentality-even-if-youve…
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Sep 13, 2021
Top 12 Lessons on Dating and Relationships from 12-Step Recovery | Episode 125
Some of the lessons are from recovery slogans, and others are from common practices in recovery. The lessons I share are these:
* Don’t date for the first year
* Be real
* When someone tells you who they are, believe them
* One day at a time
* First things first
* Acceptance
* HALT
* Keep coming back, it works if you work it so work it you’re worth it
* The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome
* Progress not perfection
* HOW
* What’s my part in things
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com
And check out all the stories found Under the Baobab Tree @BaobabTreeStories.com
★ Su…
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Sep 6, 2021
Why and How To Stop Falling In Love With People's Potential | Episode 124
If you've fallen in love with someone else's potential, you know that it's a potentially endless drain on your energy. If this is a pattern for you, there's hope! You'll learn why we do this and how to stop - which means learning to keep the focus on yourself so you can live up to *your* potential!
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And don't forget to check out all the stories you can find under the Baobab Tree. https://www.baboabtreestories.com
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Aug 30, 2021
Why Asking Constructive Questions Instead of Destructive Questions Improves Your Life | Episode 123
Constructive questions help us construct a better version of ourselves. Destructive questions are just that - destructive. They destroy us - or at least inhibit our development. I share some typical destructive questions that people in recovery ask themselves (e.g., WTF is wrong with me??") and provide several examples of constructive questions to ask that will lead to your growth and development.
I referred to ep #83 "Flawesome!" in the episode, you can find it here: https://higherpowercc.com/2021/03/12/83-flawesome/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And be sure to check out all the stories under the Baobab Tree at https://www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Suppor…
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Aug 23, 2021
Stop Fixing, Rescuing and Protecting Others and Keep That Energy for Yourself! | Episode 122
When we attempt to fix, rescue, protect and buffer others from the negative consequences of their own lives, we're not helping. In fact, we may very well be making things worse. We're definitely making things worse for *ourselves* by draining our energy supply so we don't have anything left for ourselves. I talk through a couple of examples from my own life - one where I was being helpful to be controlling, and the other where I was able to see how NOT stepping in to rescue made the situation much better rather than worse.
Here's the link to my membership community, Secure, Loved & Brave that I mentioned in the episode: https://higherpowercc.com/membership/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my web…
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Aug 16, 2021
How to Harness the Power of Bookending When Setting Boundaries | Episdoe121
Setting boundaries can be difficult, esp. when we first start. The guilt and shame we feel when setting boundaries can be paralyzing. Bookending with a safe, supportive other person when you're setting boundaries can help you deal with those difficult emotions. It can also help you hold yourself accountable to following through on setting the boundary, and can help you feel connected rather than abandoned when setting healthy boundaries.
The other episode I mentioned was #115, How to Leverage Those Codependent Powers for Good and it's available here: https://higherpowercc.com/2021/07/08/episode-115-heres-how-to-leverage-those-codependent-powers-for-good/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my websit…
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Aug 9, 2021
*Video* Guest Episode with Hope - You Only Live Once | Episode 120
The video of this episode is available on Patreon to patrons of Barb.
Barb's guest Hope shares her experience, strength and hope on this episode. Hope shares about her #YOLO philosophy, which is very different than her YOLO philosophy of her younger years! Now it's about trying new things that you've always wanted to try, trying things that will stretch, grow and change you. When she was young, her YOLO philosophy was more about getting wasted and doing dumb things.
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And make sure to check out all of the stories under the Baobab Tree at www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Aug 2, 2021
Getting Rid of Black & White Thinking and No Longer Tolerating Dysfunction | Episode 119
Two stories about garbage cans are profiled to show how our thinking becomes much less rigid as we continue our journey of recovery. These stories also illustrate how recovery shows us how frequently we put up with things that annoy the f**k out of us when we don't have to.
We GET TO have choices in our lives as a result of recovery - choices about the kinds of garbage cans we have, what kind of socks we wear, and everything else. We don't have to think rigidly, and we don't have to put up with stuff that annoys us day in and day out.
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And check out all the shows under the Baobab Tree at www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Support th…
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Jul 26, 2021
How to Untie the Bundle of Negativity and Self-judgment So You Can Have Peace and Ease | Episode 118
If you're sick and tired of the endless string of negative thoughts and self-judgment in your head, that can end! I'm living proof! It starts with awareness - awareness of what you're saying to yourself. You then need to analyze what those messages are and what they're doing to do you. They're crippling you, AND they're not making you into a better person. So stop! Stop that shit! Once you stop the negativity, you'll stop judging yourself. Ironically, that will lead to stopping your judgments of others as well. As your self-judgment diminishes, you'll feel more at ease and at peace in your life.
Here are the links I promised:
Secured, Loved & Brave membership community: https://higherpowercc.com/membership/
Podcast episodes to help you untie the bundle:
#5 Affirming Ourselves https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-5-affirming-ourselves/
#6 Fear of Being Judged https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-6-fear-of-being-judged/
#83 Flawes…
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Jul 24, 2021
How to Stop Creating the Opposite of What You Want to Get the Life You DO Want | Episode 117
When we're focused more on what others think of us, and things we DON'T want, we're more likely to get it. However, when we start to focus on ourselves and what we actually DO want, we're more likely to get it. I give some examples of what this looks like in real life, then talk about how to make the shift. It's about figuring out who your authentic self is, then living your life in accordance with that.
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
You can also email me Barb@HigherPowerCC.com
And check out all the other podcasts under the Baobab Tree at https://www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Jul 12, 2021
How to Change Other People's Behavior So You Can Have Better Relationships | Episode 116
The only way to change the way others interact with you is to change the way YOU interact with THEM! You can't change other people, but you *can* change your ways! When you start being honest with people about what you really want, need, think and feel, when you lower your expectations of others, and when you learn to set healthy boundaries, you'll be living your life the way YOU want to. And THAT will lead you to having better relationships with others.
The page I mentioned on my website with the free downloads about boundaries is here: https://higherpowercc.com/start-setting-boundaries/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And check out all the other podcasts un…
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Jul 7, 2021
Here's How to Leverage Those Codependent Powers for Good! | Episode 115
Codependent people are focused outside themselves and care what others think about them. As you're recovering from your codependent ways, you can leverage that tendency for your own good by using it with some kind of an accountability partner. In the beginning, you can use that desire to NOT let them down by committing to them about goals that further your development. Given your need to please THEM, you'll be more likely to stick to your own goals!
If you're interested in the episode I mentioned on getting over the fear of judgment, it's ep #6 and can be found here: https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-6-fear-of-being-judged/
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!). Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my websit…
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Jun 28, 2021
Here's What Recovery Looks Like in Real Life - My Day at the Beach | Episode 114
Here's a story of a variety of ways that recovery has shown up in my everyday life. It features a story from a day at the beach where I sat next to two people who were bitching and complaining. In the past, I would sat there and stewed and fumed and blamed them for my miserable day. Instead, I got up and moved. I was rewarded by my Higher Power with some incredible lessons in healthy parenting and boundary-setting by the family I sat next to in my new spot.
If you'd like one of the three spots I have left for private coaching clients, sign up for a free 30-min call with me at barbchat.net.
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And check out all the other podcasts u…
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Jun 21, 2021
Boundaries without Consequences Aren't Really Boundaries - They're Hopes and Wishes | Episode 113
If you set a boundary with someone and they don't honor, you have to do something about them not honoring it. "Doing something" is called a consequence. If you don't do anything when someone doesn't honor your boundary, then it wasn't really a boundary, it was just a wish. Learn how to set different levels of consequences using the three strikes method in this episode.
The link I mentioned in the episode for signing up for a free 30-min Better Boundaries call is barbchat.net
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And don't forget to check out all of the stories shared under the Baobab Tree at http://www.baobabtreestories.com
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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Jun 14, 2021
How and Why to Go from an External Focus to an Internal Focus | Episode 112
Some people think that "it's all about me" is the same as "keep the focus on yourself." It's not. They're very different. Opposites, in fact. When we're focused on the external world ("it's all about me"), we're more likely to be exasperated, resentful and unfulfilled. That's because we can't do much about the external world. But when we learn to keep the focus on ourselves, we're much more likely to be proactive and to live our lives on purpose. We're responsible, contributing citizens who feel some control over their lives.
If you’re a fan of this podcast and want to support it, please check me out Patreon.com/HigherPowerCoaching. You can choose the level of support that feels right for you.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts (it helps others to find this podcast!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching and visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
Check out ALL the stories shared under the Baobab Tree at BaobabTreeStories.com
★ Support this podcast…
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Jun 7, 2021
How and Why to Stop Dragging the Story with You | Episode 111
When I stopped gossiping, I realized that I'd been "dragging stories with me" all my life. And it was making me miserable! It's bad enough that negative stuff happens, but you MAGNIFY the negativity by talking about it all the time! You relive the negative events over and over each time you talk about them. Here's how to stop so you can reduce the amount of chaos and negativity in your life.
You can sign up for the FREE 3-Day Workplace Boundaries Challenge I mentioned here: www.facebook.com/groups/boundarieswithbarb
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
And be sure to check out ALL the podcasts produced under the Baobab Tree at https://www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Jun 1, 2021
Guest Episode - Codependency with Gail | Episode 110
Gail Ferguson Jones is a recovering codependent and host of the podcast "The Buttrfly Effect" (no "e"), which is for families of addicts. She shares her experience having grown up with multiple generations of alcoholism and being married to an alcoholic.
Gail dropped all kinds of pearls of wisdom on this show. Here are just a few gems.
* “This is why [codependence is] also called co-addiction. Even though I didn’t have a drinking problem, I was sharing in all the chaos and dysfunction that went with it.”
* “The pain is always the thing that makes us rethink…pain is a good thing, because otherwise I wouldn’t have changed.”
* “HE wasn't making me lose myself, I surrendered MY OWN power. It took a few years and a diagnosis of PTSD, that turned things around for me.”
* "When we prioritize [their drinking and behavior], it’s because we’re concerned with what other people are going to think if I abandon him now…or 'she has this great life, what’s the matte…
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May 24, 2021
How to Stop Abandoning Yourself So You Can Get Over Your Fear of Abandonment | Episode 109
Most of us in recovery fear abandonment, yet ironically, most of us abandon ourselves. We do this because of the chaos and dysfunction with which we grew up. The key is to stop abandoning yourself, which essentially means to learn how to take good care of yourself. This is the essence of what recovery is - learning to take good care of ourselves. I go into a couple of examples of how to stop abandoning ourselves and why it's so important. I also go into the astonishing impact it has on our relationships when we stop abandoning ourselves.
Here's the link if you're interested in having a free 30-minute Better Boundaries call with me: www.BetterBoundarieswithBarb.com
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
Check out all the shows produced under the Baobab Tree at www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Support this…
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May 18, 2021
How to Increase Your Integrity by Getting Clear on Your Intentions | Episode 108
Your integrity is impacted by your motives because our motives guide our behavior. We may THINK we're doing something to be nice, when in fact we're doing it to manipulate. This shatters our integrity because our intentions are not pure - we're not living up to the spiritual principles we may think we are (like being kind and good).
It's also important to consider that others don't care what your intentions are, they only care about the impact of your behavior. I give several suggestions for how to get clear on your intentions and bring your behavior in line with good intentions.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
Check out ALL the shows under the Baobab Tree at https://www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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May 10, 2021
The Importance of Boundaries in 12-Step Recovery: Learning from the Outside In | Episode 107
There are several means by which 12-step recovery programs impose boundaries on us. These include the Serenity Prayer, program slogans, several common meeting practices, as well as seven of the 12 Traditions. By having these healthy boundaries imposed from the outside first, we learn to form healthy boundaries of our from inside.
The episode I referred to on boundaries of self-containment and boundaries of self-protection is episode 48 (I mistakenly said 43 on the podcast!). It's available here: https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-48-boundaries-of-self-containment-and-self-protection/
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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May 3, 2021
How to Overcome Victim Mentality Even If You've Been Victimized | Episode 106
People who have been victimized don't necessarily take on the mentality of victimhood. That is, they've been through something, but they don't always take on the identity of being a victim. Victims perceive themselves as not having choices. Victimization is about a situation; victimhood is an identity.
The way to overcome this mentality is to first see that you have it. I describe a variety of ways in which this mentality shows up. Once you're aware you have victim mentality you'll see choices where you never saw them before. To move away from that mentality, actively seeking options will shift your perspective so you can see that you actually do have choice.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
If you like the show and want to be a support consider becoming a patron at https://www.patreon.com/higher…
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Apr 26, 2021
How to Turn Your Life Around: From Obstacles to Detours | Episode 105
The universe is FOR you, not against you. There is wisdom in the universe beyond your understanding. When things pop up that feel like they're obstacles on your path, they're really just detours. If you think back over your life you'll see that to be true. Why wait to gain the perspective of time to realize that what you thought was an obstacle was really a detour? You can do that now with a simple decision. Listen in to hear more.
Here's a link to my 3-month group coaching program, "Better Boundaries with Barb" which starts next week. https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries/
The other podcast episode I mentioned "Making Things Mean Things That They Don't" is #59 and can be found here: https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-59-making-things-mean-things-that-they-dont/
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on m…
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Apr 19, 2021
How Fear and Telling the Truth Can Lead You to Wholeness | Episode 104
Hear my story of uncovering a fear that I could feel bubbling up like a pressure cooker. I managed that fear by telling the truth - and I didn't die! (not kidding!). My pattern of dishonesty over the years reared it's ugly head. Not giving into that fear and being honest about it reinforced my integrity, which means it reinforced my wholeness. The same is true for you - tell the truth, it will lead to your wholeness.
The podcast episode I mentioned today is #67 and you can find it here: https://higherpowercc.com/2020/11/05/fragmented-to-whole-podcast-67-why-we-say-the-truth-shall-set-you-free/
Please follow me on Instagram and Facebook @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Apr 12, 2021
How to Go from Black-and-White Thinking to Seeing the Gray | Episode 103
Most people in recovery have or have had lives filled with chaos on dysfunction. When we're surrounded by chaos, we're frequently "activated" as if on alert, which means it's hard to think clearly. One of the ways our thinking gets distorted is that we see things only in stark contrast - like the stark contrast between the colors black and white. In order to be able to see and experiences the nuances of life (the gray area) we have to slow down, stop dissociating and become calm. Reaching out to others to get feedback on our perspective is also helpful. Learn more in this episode.
You might also find these episodes helpful:
#8 Learning to Pause
#9 Reaching Out to Others
BONUS episode: What to Do When You're Triggered (between ep # 93 and #94)
Please contact me at barb@higherpowercc.com or DM on Instagram or Facebook @HigherPowerCoaching
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: w…
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Apr 5, 2021
Why Keeping the Focus on Yourself is the Antidote to Codependence | Episode 102
Codependence is a focus outside the self. This happens because when we're in fight or flight mode, we're not able to access the "human" part of our brain. That part of our brain is where our "self" is formed. Setting healthy boundaries is the best way to keep the focus on yourself to get over your codependence. You'll also hear the top two myths about setting boundaries as well as my top five rules for setting boundaries.
Here's a link to my calendar for a 30-minute Better Boundaries call: https://calendly.com/barb-nangle/better-boundaries-call
If you'd like to learn more about my 12-week Group Coaching Program, "Better Boundaries with Barb" you can check it out here: https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries/
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching. Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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Mar 29, 2021
Why We Sabotage the Things We Want and How to Stop | Episode 101
Many of us have been sabotaging the things we want in our lives. This is often outside our awareness so we blame others for making this happen. I blamed untrustworthy people for being untrustworthy, when it was me who was trusting them! If this is a pattern of yours, this episode should help you see that and learn how to change that pattern.
Here's the link to my 12 Week Group Coaching program, "Better Boundaries with Barb"https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
www.baobabtreestories.com
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Mar 22, 2021
Episode 100 | Voices, Music and Readings of Recovery
In celebration of the 100th episode of my podcast, I've invited a variety of people to share their voices, music and poetry. I also shared 3 of my most important (brief) recovery readings, and a story about how the desire to record a podcast was planted in me decades before podcasts even existed! Join us for the this panel of 4 people in recovery, 2 of whom are BIPOC individuals. You'll hear 3 recovery songs and an incredible recovery poem, along with 4 recovery shares.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
My guests websites are here:
https://www.tjmurphymusic.com/
https://whitebison.org/
https://vangedurst.com/
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Mar 15, 2021
How to Actually Understand the Difference Between Intention and Impact| Episode 99
To the outer world, impact is what matters. People don't care if you have the best of intentions if your impact is bad. They also often done care if your intentions are bad but your impact is positive. But YOU should care, because your intentions impact YOU, regardless of the outcome in the external world. That is, if you have negative intentions, it impacts your integrity, even if the outcome in the world is positive. Listen in as I explain in further detail.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching. Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Mar 8, 2021
My Two Most Important Questions for Guiding My Behavior | Episode 98
When I'm trying to decide if something is the right thing to do or whether something is healthy for me, I ask myself,
* "Is this serving me?" and
* "What are my motives?"
These two question help me ensure that I'm living my life by my spiritual principles, and that I'm not manipulating others and my motives are pure. If you want details, listen to hear me unpack these questions.
I'd love to hear what answering these questions does for you. Either email me at Barb@HigherPowerCC.com or DM at my Instagram account (listed below).
Be sure to follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching. Please leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Mar 1, 2021
Living Life on Purpose - Turning Chaotic Situations into Non-Events | Episode 97
I share all the ways in which recovery has enabled me to end the drama and stress of my life and live with ease. Using the example of renewing my driver's license, I lay out the series of ways in which I live on purpose (and you can too!!):
* putting money away for "unexpected" expenses
* planning a buffer of time to get to appointments
* filling up my gas tank as soon as I notice it instead of waiting until the last possible moment * opening up envelope as soon as they arrive, instead of putting them aside for "later"
Be sure to join me for my 100th episode, "Voices, Music and Readings of Recovery." It will be video recorded next week and will air on 3/22/21. I'll be releasing the video on Patreon, so sign up to follow me there! https://www.patreon.com/higherpowercoaching
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching. Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPow…
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Feb 22, 2021
How to Get Over the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) by Keeping the Focus on Yourself | Episode 96
When we're in fear of missing out, we're focused on others, not on ourselves. It's impossible to have a well-lived life when we're not focused on ourselves. Yet we abandon ourselves by indulging in FOMO and comparing ourselves to others. This episode makes the case that keeping the focus on yourself is imperative if you want to be happy, joyous and free. If you have difficulty keeping the focus on yourself, you might want to listen to episode #10, "Focus on Me."
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching. Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Feb 15, 2021
How to Understand the Relationship Between Honesty and Trust | Episode 95
If you're anything like I was before recovery, you were (or maybe still are) unable to be honest much of time. Some of that dishonesty has to do with not trusting others. If you grew up in a chaotic or unsafe environment, that makes sense. Lying was self protective. However, now that we're adults and can choose who we surround ourselves with, it's easier to be around safe and caring others.
The thing that's news to me is that honesty requires trusting *myself* too! It's not just about trusting other people. Now that I can trust myself to take care of myself, to set boundaries and enforce them, I don't feel the need to lie like I used to. That includes trusting myself not to put myself in harm's way and to now surround myself with safe, caring and respectful others.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.…
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Feb 9, 2021
How to Strengthen Your Boundaries by Letting Go | Episode 94
It's a paradox that the more we let go, the stronger our boundaries become. This is because controlling others is impossible, but controlling ourselves is not. When we are focused on others and situations out of our control, we become fixated on our desired outcome and have no choices. When we let go, we focus on ourselves (which is what we CAN control) and a whole universe of possibilities opens up to us! Confusing?? Listen in for an example that will give clarity.
*Do you have ideas for how I can make the milestone of my 100th episode? Email me at Barb@HigherPowerCC.com or DM on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching. *
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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Feb 3, 2021
What to Do When You're Triggered | Bonus #3
Breathing deeply and engaging your senses are the best way to get into the present moment when you're triggered. When you do that, you're fully in your body in the here and now. You're not in the past when you were little or when that traumatic thing happened. I walk you through two different ways to engage your senses so you can get out of being triggered the next time it happens.
If you have suggestions for how to mark the 100-episode milestone coming up in a few weeks. If you have ideas, email me Barb@HigherPowerCC.com.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Feb 1, 2021
How to Overcome Your Sense of Urgency So You Can Relax | Episode 93
Living with a sense of urgency 24/7 is not something everyone feels. If you feel a sense of urgency at all times, like I did before recovery, I want you to know that it's possible to stop living like that. Living with a sense of urgency all the time may be an indicator that your life is unmanageable. If that's you, then this episode will help you get over it so you can relax into your life. This included learning to pause (which you can hear more about in episode 8 of this podcast), reaching out for help (episode 9 covers that), handing things over to your HP and coming to care more what you think of yourself than what others think of you.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Jan 25, 2021
Two Kinds of Discomfort | Episode 92
In this episode I make the distinction between things that are uncomfortable that we've learned to put up with, especially if we grew up in chaos - and things that are uncomfortable because they're new. I called this "bad" discomfort and "good" discomfort. The way to know which is which is to ask yourself - if you were to prolong the discomfort, what would happen? Would the result be more discomfort? Or would it lead to freedom or other things we get when we engage in healthy behaviors. I use a couple of real-life examples to illustrate these concept. And - I recognize it may be hard to change your behaviors, but you can do hard! "Hard" is not an excuse for not doing something! (esp. something that benefits you!).
If you have suggestions for how to mark the 100-episode milestone coming up in a few weeks. If you have ideas, email me Barb@HigherPowerCC.com.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps…
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Jan 18, 2021
Blame | Episode 91
I share how I blamed others and the world for my difficulties before recovery, but I didn't even know I was doing that! You'll hear about the connection between self-pity, blame and victim mentality, as well as how to get out of it. Taking responsibility for your little corner of the world is what you'll need to do. Remember - the Serenity Prayer guides us to seek the courage to change the things we CAN change!
I also ask for suggestions for how to mark the 100-episode milestone coming up in a few weeks. If you have ideas, email me Barb@HigherPowerCC.com.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Jan 11, 2021
Becoming Whole | Episode 90
Being whole means I'm no longer afraid to share the real me with others, I'm not hiding behind any facades any longer. In this episode I talk about all the various things that have contributed to my wholeness, including loving myself and setting boundaries. I also talk about how wholeness doesn't mean bad things never happen, they do. It's just that they no longer shatter me the way they used to.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching.
Be sure to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen (it helps other people who need this info to find me!). Visit me on my website: www.HigherPowerCC.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Jan 4, 2021
Anonymity | Episode 89
I thought anonymity was about avoiding the stigma of being in 12 step recovery. It's really about humility, which is what allows us to be teachable. When we are humble, we understand we're no better and no worse than anyone else. It's also about ensuring that each one of us has only one voice, and no one speaks for any particular fellowship (whether inside the rooms of recovery or publicly).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching,
and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Dec 21, 2020
Expecting Fairness | Episode 88
We can have all the expectations of the world that we want, but we'll likely be pissed off a lot if we do! This episode specifically addresses the issue of fairness, but the same principle could apply to any value you hold dearly. The idea is that, instead of getting pissed off that things are not the way you think they should be, work toward creating those conditions. One of the quotes mentioned in the podcast makes more sense when you see it as opposed to hearing it. This is it:
BElieve
THEre is
GOOD
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Dec 14, 2020
How to Attract Emotionally Available People | Episode 87
If you've been hiding behind various facades or masks and acting as if you like things you don't, or that you're comfortable with things you're not - that's not integrity. Being emotionally available requires vulnerability, which is not possible if you don't have integrity (i.e., if your foundation is cracked). Emotionally available people are attracted by other emotionally available people. So if you're continually attracting emotionally UNavailable people, the problem might be that you have a "cracked foundation" and aren't living in your integrity.
Listen in for how to strengthen your integrity which will allow you to become vulnerable and therefore attract emotionally available people.
For info on my group coaching pilot "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" mentioned in this episode,
go to https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podc…
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Dec 7, 2020
The Serenity Prayer, Reimagined | Episode 86
The Serenity Prayer is one of the most popular prayers in the world, but I think the opening is backwards. I learned acceptance and THEN got serenity. I give an example of what I mean by that using traffic. I also talk about how the Serenity Prayer is essentially about learning where our boundaries should be.
Pilot group coaching program, "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" info and registration is linked here:
https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries
Free webinar on Mon 12/14 at 7 pm EST "Myths and Misconceptions about Boudnaries" info and registration is linked here:
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/myths-and-misconceptions-about-boundaries-webinar-tickets-130356213945
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Nov 30, 2020
16 Reasons Why Sex Is Better in Recovery | Episode 85
Being comfortable in my own skin and not being mired in fear are two very important reasons why sex is sooooo much better in recovery than it was before recovery! Being able to be vulnerable with your partner and communicate directly also helps. Listen in to hear ways you might be able to improve your sex life from being in recovery!
The two links I mention are here:
FREE webinar "Myths and Misconceptions about Boundaries" Mon 12/14/20 at 7 pm EST
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/myths-and-misconceptions-about-boundaries-webinar-tickets-130356213945
Pilot group coaching program "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" Tuesdays 1/5/21-2/9/21
https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching,
and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Nov 23, 2020
Don't Carpet the World | Episode 84
"It's easier to put slippers on your feet than to carpet the world" is a Chinese proverb. The carpet metaphor is used in this episode to illustrate the issue of control. I talk about how we can learn to stop trying to control others (carpet the world) and work on controlling ourselves (put slippers on our feet). This an example of what the Serenity Prayer refers to as "the wisdom to know the difference."
The link to the group coaching pilot on boundaries is https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries/
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Nov 16, 2020
Flawesome! | Episode 83
In this episode I talk about moving away from the black-and-white thinking that if we're flawed, that means we're not awesome. It's perfectly normal to be flawed, and it's ok to let others see your flaws. When you accept your own flaws, you'll become more accepting of other people's flaws too!
If you want monthly inspiration in your inbox, sign up for my newsletter "Happy, Joyous and Free" at HigherPowerCC.com.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Nov 9, 2020
You Don't Have to Believe Your Thoughts! | Episode 82
You don't have to believe the thoughts running through your head! This pertains to thoughts about yourself (like "I'm not enough") as well as thoughts about others and the world. If you're not choosing your thoughts *on purpose,* especially if they're negative - think again! You don't have to believe a thought just because it's in your head (even though it sounds like your voice!).
Here are the links mentioned in the podcast:
* FREE boundaries webinar, "How to Be Grateful on Thanksgiving by Setting Healthy Boundaries" https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-be-grateful-on-thanksgiving-by-setting-healthy-boundaries-tickets-127263692129
* Pilot group coaching program starting in January, "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries/
* Medium article, "How to Upgrade Your Life by Improving Your Thought Life" https://barb-nangle.medium.com/how-to-upgrade-your-life-by-improving-your-thought-life-9b0872dba776?source=friends_link&sk=2d7776ac711f33b7425…
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Nov 2, 2020
Something Came Up vs. Something Happened | Episode 81
When someone doesn't show up when expected, we might be tempted to think, "something happened!" This usually has a negative connotation, like they were in an accident. However, when we think, "something came up" it's neutral and not likely to send is into a tailspin of negativity and anxiety. You can purposely choose this "thought work" to bring you more peace and serenity.
The article I mention at the end of the podcast can be found here: https://medium.com/curious/how-to-upgrade-your-life-by-improving-your-thought-life-9b0872dba776
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Oct 26, 2020
How to Enjoy the Holidays by Setting Boundaries Now | Episode 80
You don't have to do things you don't want to over the holidays! This includes attending events, exchanging gifts, spending money or having uncomfortable conversations. You'll learn a variety of tips for setting boundaries for the holidays, including some specific scripts so use and scenarios in which to use them.
I also recommend checking out this website for the CDC's considerations for the holidays. It gives ideas about holiday travel, as well as for those hosting and attending events. CDC considerations for the winter holidays.
You can either Google “CDC Holiday Celebrations” or follow this link:
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/holidays.html
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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Oct 19, 2020
Terminal Uniqueness | Episode 79
Many of us come into recovery believing we're "terminally unique" or that we're "uniquely flawed." What we learn is that we're NOT terminally unique, and that there are many are many others like us. You are not alone, there are many others like you, and you DO belong.
Here's the link to my FREE webinar "How to Enjoy the Boundaries by Setting Boundaries Now" on Monday 10/26/20 7-8:00 pm EDT: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-enjoy-the-holidays-by-setting-boundaries-now-tickets-124952386953
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Oct 12, 2020
New Possibilities | Episode 78
The ability to believe in new possibilities is at the heart of our ability to change. Gaining a new perspective on our lives and our problems opens us up to new possibilities. The way we think about things is often the source of our difficulties, rather than the situations themselves. If you'd like to change things in your life, this episode will give you ideas for how to get new perspectives that lead to new possibilities.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Oct 5, 2020
Getting Rid of Expectations After the Fact | Episode 77
Sometimes we don't realize we even had an expectation until it wasn't met. Whether that's true for you, or you KNOW you had an expectation about something, you'll learn how to "unhook" from those expectations even after the situation is over! This will melt your resentment about not having your expectation met.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Sep 28, 2020
Reducing Emotional Pain | Episode 76
This episode covers several ways to reduce your emotional pain. It covers how to take advantage of the power of your "thinking brain" to help you clean up your negative thinking; practicing self care and connecting with others.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Sep 21, 2020
Becoming Entirely Ready to Change Your Life | Episode 75
If you are truly committed to changing your ways, this episode is for you! The process of changing our lives is what 12 step recovery is all about. In this episode, you'll learn a way of becoming "entirely ready" (not just "somewhat ready") to change your life. I'll walk you through a process to think through what you've been doing that's been creating drama in your life. We'll go through what these things have been doing FOR you and TO you, then what changed behavior would look like. This will help us overcome the obstacle thoughts our brain generates to block us from changing.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Sep 15, 2020
Privacy vs Secrecy | Episode 74
In this episode, I clear up the distinction between what's private and what's secret. Private matters have to do with setting healthy boundaries. Secrets have to do with hiding our shame. I use the example of personal finances to illustrate the difference between privacy and secrecy. This distinction is hard for people with unhealthy boundaries to understand. So if the distinction is difficult for you, you might need to work on your boundaries (and I can help!).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website www.fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Sep 7, 2020
Understanding Natural Consequences | Episode 73
The natural consequences of negative behavior are typically negative. However, many people buffer, block or filter the consequences of other's behavior by enabling them. Enabling is when we fix, solve, or make the consequences for someone's behavior go away. This episode will give you an understanding what natural consequences are, how they work and how to allow them.
You might find these programs helpful:
Al-Anon (https://al-anon.org/);
Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (https://adultchildren.org/)
Codependent's Anonymous (https://coda.org/).
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Aug 31, 2020
Stop Beating Yourself Up! | Episode 72
In this episode I teach you the step by step process I used to stop beating myself up. It starts with realizing that s****y things you say to yourself, then realizing, "This is not working! Beating myself up is not improving my life!" Once you get that, then you stop saying negative things to yourself, and you replace them with positive things. Don't buy it? Listen in and I'll tell you why it works!
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching,
and check out my podcast website http://www.fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Aug 24, 2020
Non-Fear-Based Decision-Making | Episode 71
If you'd like to stop making your decisions based on fear, this episode will help. I talk about how using the tools of recovery, and especially "acting as if" helps with this. I also explain what's happening with the conscious and subconscious mind in this process to give you a better understanding of why "acting as if" is so beneficial.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!).
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Aug 17, 2020
Top Apps to Keep You Happy, Joyous and Free - Part 2 of 2 | Episode 70
Most people who come to recovery have chaotic lives and need all the help we can get to manage our lives. Using smart phone apps can be incredibly helpful in staying in touch with others in recovery, listening to recovery meetings, managing time and finances, etc. I talk about the top apps I use and how I use them to stay happy, joyous and free.
This is the second of a 2 part series. Make sure you listen to Episode 69 first.
Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, or check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Aug 10, 2020
Top Apps to Keep You Happy, Joyous and Free - Part I of 2 | Episode 69
Most people who come to recovery have chaotic lives and need all the help we can get to manage our lives. Using smart phone apps can be incredibly helpful in staying in touch with others in recovery, listening to recovery meetings, managing time and finances, etc. I talk about the top apps I use and how I use them to stay happy, joyous and free.
★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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Aug 3, 2020
How to Stop Enabling Other People's Dysfunctional Behavior | Episode 68
When we enable other people's addiction and dysfunction, we're allowing them to NOT face the consequences of their behavior. We serve as a buffer for their difficult behavior so they don't have to feel those effects. We're not helping them! To stop we have to learn to keep the focus on ourselves and allow them to feel the consequences of their behavior.
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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Jul 27, 2020
Why We Say "The Truth Shall Set You Free" | Episode 67
If you've lied, and withheld information, and kept things from people your whole life like I did, you know what a prison that can be. If you're currently still unable to tell the truth and be open, also know that prison. Becoming able to tell the truth and about what we really want, think and feel is freeing. We are no longer burdened with the fear of being found out. And it brings us closer to other people.
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Jul 21, 2020
How to Stop Comparing Your Insides to Other People's Outsides | Episode 66
If you suffer from feeling that you're not enough or don't have enough, this episode may help. Comparing yourself to others is potentially endless - you can always find someone who has it better than you. That means it's almost always a losing battle. This is especially so when we compare our inner life to someone else's outer life. We simply don't know what kind of demons other people are wrestling with! When we do this, it reinforces our sense of inadequacy. Learning to keep the focus on yourself, and comparing yourself to your former self is much more fruitful.
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Jul 13, 2020
How to Go from Anger and Frustration to Loving the World | Episode 65
In this episode you'll learn just how the 12 steps allow us to clean up the wreckage of the past, heal lifelong wounds, and transform. We become happy, joyous and free and are no longer seeking to take from the world, but to give.
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Jul 6, 2020
From Indecisive to Decisive | Episode 64
If you have difficulty making decisions, this episode should be helpful. You'll learn strategies such as minimizing the number of decisions you need to make. You'll also learn how focusing on your decision-making process rather than the outcome of your decisions leads to better decisions. You'll also learn how to hone your intuition and to move past perfectionism.
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Jun 29, 2020
Reading People's Minds Doesn't Work! | Episode 63
I realized early in recovery that I'd been expecting other people to read my mind. I came to understand, with the help of some of my fellows in recovery, that this was because that's how I thought it worked. I'd been trying to read other people's minds my whole life, so why weren't they reading my mind?? (forget about the fact that I was not actually reading their minds!). It turns out that instead of trying to read people's minds, the healthy thing to do is to communicate directly with people. Learn more about that on this episode.
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Jun 22, 2020
GET to vs HAVE to | Episode 62
The recovery process, just as any process of personal growth, is in large part one of changing perspective. In this episode I cover the perspective shift where we move from "I HAVE to _" to "I GET to _." In other words, we shift to thinking about these new behavior changes from being burdens to being privileges.
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Jun 15, 2020
Willingness to Change vs Wanting to Change | Episode 61
For anyone who is trying to grow and change, including those in recovery, willingness is key. If you're willing to make changes, even if you'd don't really want to, that can be enough. Learn how to leverage the power of your willingness into action in this episode.
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Jun 8, 2020
Tips & Scripts for saying "No" | Episode 60
I share several tips for how to say no. I also share several scripts - specific words and phrases you can use in various situations to set boundaries with others. These include scripts for saying "no" to friends, family, bosses and clients.
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Jun 1, 2020
Making Things Mean Things That They Don't | Episode 59
If you decide that things that happen around you almost always mean something negative, you might be "making things mean things that they don't." In this episode I give a really good example of how I used to do that, and how recovery helped me to seek clarity when I'm unclear, and to challenge my perspective. This has led to an enormous amount of relief in my life.
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May 26, 2020
End the Chaos | Episode 58
If you've lived a life of chaos and want that to end, this episode is for you! In it you'll learn how to slowly begin to put some structure in your life. This will give you some predictability and consistency, which is the opposite of chaos.
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May 19, 2020
Turn Off the Spigot of Negativity and Purify the Well of Your Mind |Episode 57
When negative thoughts continually run through our minds it's like poison in a well. It's impossible to love yourself when the well of your mind is full of poison. Stopping the negative thoughts helps to purify the well, but there's something else you can do that will speed up the process to purify that well. Learn how to do that on this episode.
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May 11, 2020
How I Got Over People-pleasing and You Can Too | Episode 56
I didn't even know I was a people-pleaser, I thought I was nice. It turns out people-pleasing isn't nice, it's dishonest and manipulative. Ugh! But there's hope! I talk about how I got over my people-pleasing ways and you can too. You can learn to be honest about what you really think and feel, and to communicate directly about those things without manipulating.
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May 4, 2020
Stop Hiding | Episode 55
We hide by isolating and telling lies. We're afraid to show our flaws. But being flawed is just part of being human. Once you can accept this in yourself, it's easier to accept it in others as well. This episode will help you realize that you're not just flawed, you're flawsome!!
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Apr 27, 2020
Improve Your Relationships | Episode 54
Everyone wants their relationships to be a safe harbor. To help you achieve that, I borrow nine rules from David J. Lieberman as a way to structure this episode. I then share what I've learned about each rule from my recovery to illustrate them. The rules include showing enthusiasm when greeting the person, being respectful, supportive and appreciative, giving the benefit of the doubt, pausing when agitated, talking about what's bothering you and sharing yourself with the other person.
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Apr 20, 2020
Focus on What You CAN Control | Episode 53
Control is an issue for people in recovery, and right now it's probably a concern for just about everyone given COVID-19. Covey's model of Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Control is used to give specific examples of how you can take the focus off of the Circle of Concern and put it on the Circle of Control to ease your anxiety.
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Apr 14, 2020
Trauma Response Prevention During COVID-19 | Episode 52
There are a number of predictable conditions that lead to trauma. These include unpredictability, immobility, loss of connection, loss of a sense of safety and others. These can be addressed so as to prevent, or reduce the likelihood of a trauma response. I share several strategies here.
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Apr 6, 2020
Life on Life's Terms | Episode 51
Living life on life's terms means being able to accept and face life as it comes, not as you wish it would come. You'll hear about how I made the shift from being pissed off all the time that life, the world and others weren't going the way I wanted, to being able to accept life on LIFE'S terms.
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Mar 30, 2020
Q and A from Listeners | Episode 50
In this 50th episode, I take more time than usual to answer a variety of listener questions. In addition to grief, depression, unmanageability and boundaries, I address perfectionism, black-and-white thinking and how I became able to make healthier choices. I also reflect on my experience of doing this podcast for a year.
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Mar 23, 2020
Soothe Your Mind and Heart During COVID-19 | Episode 49
If you're stuck in negative thought loops, catastrophizing about the future, or burned out and overwhelmed from rescuing others I can help! Rather than creating a new episode this week, I make suggestions for previous episodes that help people deal with the issues they're facing with the COVID-19 pandemic.
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Mar 16, 2020
Boundaries of Self Containment and Self Protection | Episode 48
Learning boundaries of self containment means I only share things that are personal with trustworthy people. Boundaries of self protection means I get to decide what I will and will not tolerate. I give examples of each type of boundaries I've set, and I also make the case that boundaries of self containment are also boundaries of self protection.
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Mar 9, 2020
Be Prepared to Lose People | Episode 47
Before recovery, I subconsciously assumed that losing people somehow took something away from me. Now that I'm in recovery and recognize my wholeness, I realize it's just part of life to lose people. Perhaps my sharing will help you deal with losing people from your life. That is my hope.
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Mar 2, 2020
Control vs Choice | Episode 46
Recovery is about making choices in our lives, not living with rigid control. I share a continuum that goes from being in denial and practicing rigid control, to having greater choice when we use discernment. I also share about how victim mentality is related to control since those with victim mentality often don't recognize that they have choices. Having and making choices about our lives is one of the many freedoms of recovery and you can learn more about how to discern your choices in this episode.
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Feb 24, 2020
Actions That Lead to Freedom | Episode 45
12 Step Recovery programs are programs of action. You must take action - whether you believe it will work or not - if you're going to recovery. In this episode I lay out a whole bunch of actions that I've learned in recovery that have led to freedom from addiction, dysfunction, compulsion and obsession.
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Feb 17, 2020
Comfortable vs Comforting | Episode 44
Have you been repeating the same dysfunctional behaviors over and over and want to stop? This episode will help you by making the distinction between behaviors that are familiar and "comfortable" like a well-worn groove, and those that are comfortable. Comfortable behaviors bring comfort and lead to well-being.
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Feb 10, 2020
Amends, Apologies, Harms and Hurts | Episode 43
The amends process required by the 12 steps includes changed behavior, not just an apology. This episode helps clarify what kinds of things require amends vs. an apology by also distinguishing between things that harm people vs. hurt people. You'll get clarity about the difference between "harms" and "hurts" from this episode. You can be harmed by something that doesn't hurt you, and hurt by something that doesn't harm you so that distinction is important.
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Feb 3, 2020
Why Take a Daily Inventory | Episode 42
The practice of taking a daily inventory is recommended in 12 step recovery, but many people don't do it. I talk about how much it's benefited me - it keeps me from acting out of my defects of character and keeps my ego in check. It also keeps me in the good graces of those around me because I apologize quickly instead of letting things fester. The metaphor I like to use is that it's like sweeping out my formerly nasty, disgusting basement to keep it clean.
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Jan 27, 2020
Discipline Equals Freedom | Episode 41
People who are undisciplined think there's no way that discipline can equal freedom. It sounds like the opposite of freedom, in fact. This episode will show you how having discipline in certain areas leads to freedom you can't even imagine, especially in regard to the obsession and compulsion that is part of being an addict.
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Jan 20, 2020
Feeling Trapped? There Is a Way Out! | Episode 40
I describe a couple of situations in my life where I felt trapped and how I got out of them. I'm living proof that it's possible to not only get out of feeling trapped, but to live a life of freedom. You can too!
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Jan 13, 2020
Wholeness, Integration and Integrity | Episode 39
I never understood that having integrity had anything to do with being whole, or that being dishonest contributed to my fragmentation. Recovery helped me to integrate my fragmented pieces into one coherent whole, and now I live in my integrity. I am whole. You can be too! Listen in.
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Jan 6, 2020
The Promises of Recovery | Episode 38
The promises of recovery tell us what our lives might look like once we've got some recovery under our belts. In this episode I'll share how the promises of recovery - and more - have come true for me in my life. They can come true for you too! (You are not uniquely flawed). I share how to handle difficult situations, and how to recognize and discard rigid, distorted thinking, even if it's a long-standing pattern.
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Dec 30, 2019
Fail Till You Succeed | Episode 37
This episode will be particularly helpful to those who have beaten themselves up for years, and who think they will never succeed at anything. Many of us suffer from the belief that those who are successful never fail, but the opposite is true - they fail often. They've just gotten good at overcoming their failures, consistently and often. They understand that failure is a necessary part of the process of success. You can learn that too.
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Dec 23, 2019
Your Rights As a Person in Recovery | Episode 36
Many people in recovery don't even realize that they GET TO think their own thoughts, make their own decisions and focus on their own lives and not go by what others think, say or feel about them. Learning that we have the right to think, say, feel, believe and do whatever WE went can be a game changer for us in recovery. It was for me - I didn't even realize I was so profoundly influenced by others until I did the 12 steps and learned that I had to right to make my own determinations - like what music to listen to.
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Dec 16, 2019
Boundaries During the Holidays | Episode 35
Boundaries help us enjoy our loved ones and our time, and they reduce stress and overwhelm. To have boundaries means to live intentionally. This episode will help you set boundaries to more authentically connect with others so you're not drained. Specific scripts are provided. Happy holidays!
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Dec 9, 2019
Anything Mentionable Is Manageable | Episode 34
If your life is unmanageable, this episode gives examples of getting to a life that's manageable. Inspired by the new Mr. Rogers movie, this episode also talks about how things we may have been taught were "unmentionable" actually are mentionable. It also suggests asking for mercy instead of cursing things that frustrate us.
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Dec 2, 2019
Restored to Clarity | Episode 33
If your thinking is clouded and chaotic, your boundaries are a mess, you want everyone else and the world around you to change, perhaps you need some clarity. This episode will help you understand how the 12 steps can bring clarity so you can life a live that is happy, joyous and free.
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Nov 25, 2019
Affirmations for Addicts | Bonus Episode #2
If you need help to change the negative self talk in your head, this episode is for you. It's just affirmations - no intro, not outro, just affirmations. Listen once and make note of the affirmations that resonate best with you, or listen repeatedly to them all.
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Nov 25, 2019
Freedom of Choice | Episode 32
One of the greatest gifts of recovery is freedom of choice - the freedom choose what we do and do not want to think, believe and do. Before recovery, I didn't even know I WASN'T making choices! I talk about that here, and about how recovery and my Higher Power have given me the gift of choice.
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Nov 18, 2019
Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations | Episode 31
I talk about how unrealistic expectations made my life unmanageable and was one of my worst defects of character, and how I learned to let them go. This not only helped me let go of resents from the past, but prevented resentments in the future.
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Nov 11, 2019
Fight, Flight or Freeze | Episode 30
The body's natural response to threats, whether perceived or real, is to fight, flee or freeze. I share how recovery has helped me reprogram my internal response to threat, as well as some tools for how to manage stressful situations while they're happening. The more we reduce the number of stressful episodes we have, the easier it becomes to stay in peace and serenity.
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Nov 4, 2019
Don't Live into the Wreckage of the Future! | Episode 29
This episode will show you that there is another way to live inside your head besides assuming the worst is always going to happen. Living like that keeps us from experiencing our lives in the present moment of reality, in addition to making us anxious and upset. We do this because we (oddly) think it's going to make our lives better, but in fact, it makes our lives worse! You get to decide what to do with your mind, and this podcast will help you do that by sharing tips for how to stop living into the wreckage of the future.
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Oct 27, 2019
Healthy vs. Unhealthy: What's your motivation? | Episode 28
Sometimes the very same behavior can be healthy or unhealthy, it depends on your motivation. In this episode, I share what I've learned about the difference between helping vs rescuing, healthy alone time vs isolation, privacy vs secrecy and dissociation vs having fun. Changing your motivation can help you change your unhealthy behaviors.
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Oct 21, 2019
Getting Out of Enmeshment | Episode 27
If you're in a relationship or family system where you're not allowed to have your own identity or opinions, then you're likely enmeshed with those others and this episode will help you get un-enmeshed. I give examples of some of the ways that I began getting out of enmeshed relationships that might be helpful to you. Hint: start small and keep practicing!
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Oct 13, 2019
My Part in Things | Episode 26
I describe some examples of coming to understand my part in things in an effort to help you understand your part in the chaos and drama of your life so you can stop doing those things! Learning my part in things has been the most important gift (by far) of my recovery because it enabled me to stop doing those things and reduced the chaos by about 85%!
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Oct 7, 2019
Act As If | Episode 25
Recovery programs are programs of action, not of thinking or believing. This episode addresses why that is the case, and gives methods for how to behave your way into new thinking. You'll understand that what you DO is much more important than what you THINK.
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Sep 30, 2019
Stinkin' Thinkin' | Episode 24
Stinkin' thinkin' is when the thoughts we think over and over again are negative, which affects what we pay attention to in the world and our interactions with others. If you've had negative beliefs about yourself, and seem to always find evidence that those beliefs are true, then this episode will help you get over that. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it's true!
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Sep 22, 2019
Denial 2.0 | Episode 23
If you have a high tolerance for dysfunction you might be in denial about your own behavior. This can lead to you being dishonest with yourself and others. The story I share here shows how I was dishonest about my codependent behavior and how I compromised my own integrity for years before I realized it in recovery.
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Sep 15, 2019
TMI | Episode 22
Learn to stop giving too much information to others, especially when you're setting a boundary or negotiating. This reduces the chances that others can dispute what you're saying and makes it easier to act.
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Sep 8, 2019
Isolation vs Healthy Alone Time | Episode 21
The difference between isolating and healthy alone time is how it affects your energy. If you're fending off the world by isolating yourself, that's draining your energy. But if you're doing things that rejuvenate you and give you joy, that's healthy alone time. Switching what you're doing while alone can change how you experience time alone, and can increase your energy and improve your mood.
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Sep 1, 2019
Humility | Episode 20
In this episode I discuss humility as meaning you're no better and no worse than anyone else. That goes for people who think they're better than other people AND people who think they're worse than other people. The key to getting past this is to listen to others in the rooms of recovery so that you know that you're not "uniquely flawed," and to stop comparing your insides to other people's outsides.
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Aug 25, 2019
Control | Episode 19
Control is an issue for just about everyone in recovery, and this episode addresses how to back away from being so controlling. Using a Chinese proverb, Barb shares a new perspective on what it means to try to control others and how to let go of that. "It's better to put slippers on your feet than to carpet the world."
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Aug 18, 2019
One Day at a Time | Episode 18
This slogan helps remind us to keep the focus on the present, rather than living into "the wreckage of the future." In this episode, you will learn how to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now so as to not live into the wreckage of the future. Doing this will result in much less worry and anxiety.
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Aug 11, 2019
Guilt and Shame | Episode 17
People who grow up in dysfunctional families are often riddled with guilt and shame, often in profound and debilitating ways. This episode will help you understand where it comes from and shows the method I used of profoundly decreasing the effects of such shame and guilt. I give examples of my experience with deep shame and how I've handled it, and how it's effects have been reduced greatly in my life.
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Aug 4, 2019
D-E-N-I-A-L | Episode 16
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, chances are you're in denial about a lot of things, like perhaps you think of abusive and dysfunctional behaviors as normal. Or you don't remember large chunks of your childhood. Or you've never seen things as connected that are related to each other. In this episode I share my journey from denial to clarity through the 12 steps of recovery.
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Jul 28, 2019
Helping vs. Rescuing | Episode 15
If you get drained and resentful about helping others, you want to hear this episode! In it you will learn to tell the difference between being helpful to others and rescuing others. The difference has to do with our motives, even if we can't see those motives. Listen in to get some clues about the motives behind your helpful behaviors.
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Jul 21, 2019
Discovery Is Not Recovery | Episode 14
In this episode the differences between discovery and recovery are laid out, as are the differences between relief and recovery. Many people come into the rooms of 12 step recovery and "discover" what is wrong with them, thinking that is enough. Others come into the rooms and find some measure of relief and leave thinking they're done. Neither of these result in the deep, lasting changes that are the promise of 12 step recovery. Listen here to learn the distinctions.
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Jul 20, 2019
Coaching with Barb | Bonus Episode
In this episode Barb's coaching client "S" shares why she decided to hire Barb as a coach rather than someone else, what it's like to be coached by Barb and her most important takeaways from their coaching relationship. If you've been helped by this podcast, then a private coaching relationship with Barb just might be the thing for you! Listening to this will give you a better idea of what that might be like for you.
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Jul 14, 2019
Forgiveness | Episode 13
After years of trying to forgive and reading all kinds of books about WHY, I finally learned HOW to forgive. I share how I learned to forgive, as well as the many reasons why we need to do it (it for US, not them!).
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Jul 7, 2019
Stop Gossiping | Episode 12
In this episode I discuss one of my most insidious defects of character - gossip. I share my journey to stop gossiping and what I learned along the way. This includes why I did it, why it felt so damned good and was so hard to stop, and what I did to stop it.
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Jun 30, 2019
Gratitude | Episode 11
If you are someone who is always focused on the pain and the crap of your life this episode could be transformative for you. I talk about my daily gratitude journaling and how it's changed everything for me. I give examples of how it's changed things for me, and how it's helped me get through some extremely difficult times in my life.
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Jun 23, 2019
My Tools of Recovery Part III: Focus on Me | Episode 10
Do you want peace and serenity? Well, if you are always focused on others, butting into other people's business, blaming others for your problems and not taking good care of yourself (like I used to be), then this episode is for you! I talk about all the ways in which keeping the focus on me has helped bring me to peace.
*★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★*
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Jun 17, 2019
My Tools of Recovery Part II: Reaching Out | Episode 9
If you feel isolated and alone and are sick of feeling that way, this episode is for you! I talk about the power of reaching out to others, including my higher power, and how it's made me feel connected and like I'm not alone any more. It's become an incredibly important tool in my tool shed of recovery tools.
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Jun 10, 2019
My tools of recovery series Part I: Pausing | Episode 8
If you're reactive and want to stop, or if you've been told "count to 10 before responding" and don't know how to even begin doing that, this episode can help! I introduce my top 3 tools of recovery and then discuss, in detail, how I overcame the monumental task of learning to pause before responding. This one tool help me to get rid of my sense of urgency, eased my lifelong tension, and got me to peace and serenity.
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Jun 3, 2019
Intensity, Intimacy and Trust | Episode 7
If you've always wanted intimacy and have no idea how to get it, this episode is for you! I talk about learning to trust people, be vulnerable with them, and become intimate with them. I also make the distinction between being in an "intense" relationship and an intimate relationship.
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May 26, 2019
Fear of Being Judged | Episode 6
If you are someone who lives in fear all the time, especially fear of being judged by others, this episode is for you! I talk about how this fear was so powerful that it led me to feel fragmented. I share the realization I had about that fear and how I overcame it.
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May 21, 2019
Affirming Ourselves | Episode 5
In this episode I continue to explore ways to get out of negative thinking by introducing ways to affirm ourselves. I talk about the role of affirmations in getting out of negative thought patterns. By replacing negative thought patterns with positive ones, we can literally change our minds about ourselves, about others, and about the world.
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May 13, 2019
Overcoming Negative Thought Loops | Episode 4
In this episode you'll hear about negative thought loops, or ruminating. This will be contrasted with processing, which is a healthy way to deal with the thoughts roaming around in your head. Rather than staying stuck in your head with those negative thoughts, you'll learn how to get out of those loops and get to more productive forms of thinking.
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May 6, 2019
Victim Mentality | Episode 3
In this episode, you will hear how I came to understand I had a victim mentality, which I was completely blind to previously. I will make the distinction between being an actual victim, and having victim mentality.You'll also hear how this mentality blocks us from moving forward and making the kind of changes we need to make if we want to be happy joyous and free.
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Apr 17, 2019
Acceptance | Episode 2
This episode describes the process I went through to come to acceptance, which has had a big hand in leading to my peace and serenity. There is also some reflection on emotional acceptance and self acceptance.
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Mar 11, 2019
My Story in Brief | Episode 1
This episode describes the many ways I've tried my whole life to have a better life, how I got into 12 step recovery, and some of the many ways my life has changed as a result of my recovery. This includes both my thinking and my behavior.
This podcast targets people in and outside of 12 step recovery who seek healing and solutions for how to create manageable lives. It will help them move from fragmented to whole. There are many life lessons from 12 step recovery that are relevant to anyone, whether they're in recovery or not. Each episode will be brief and centered on a specific topic so people can search for topics in the moment, rather than having to wade through a podcast to see if the topic they're struggling with is discussed. Some examples of topics include how to become accepting, recognizing and overcoming victim mentality and establishing healthy boundaries.
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