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Too Scary; Didn't Watch
A horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves; hosted by Emily Gonzalez, Henley Cox and Sammy Smart. New episodes every Wednesday!
6 days ago
A true-crime novelist, creepy kids that love creepy drawings, and your classic pagan deity that is a big patron of the arts - we're recapping Sinister! It's our 50TH EPISODE and we're playing our first official game of horror movie bingo! Join our Patreon to get your very own bingo card to play along with us. You guys rule and we love making this podcast because of all of you! Thanks for listening, we looooove you xo
1 hr 16 min
Jul 29, 2020
TALES FROM THE HOOD with Carl Tart
A boy facing his monster, a Klansman politician, and an eccentric mortician to guide us through their stories - we're recapping Rusty Cundieff's 1995 horror anthology Tales from the Hood! Carl Tart (The Flagrant Ones) joins us to discuss what it would be like to be eaten alive one tiny puppet bite at a time. (Spoiler: not good!)
1 hr 5 min
Jul 22, 2020
Trendsetting witches, a deity named after a french woman from The Great British Baking Show, and somewhere between 3,000 and 10,000 snakes - we're recapping 90s teen horror The Craft! Join us as we search for the fourth member of our coven.
1 hr 26 min
Jul 15, 2020
THE CONJURING 2 with Betsy Sodaro
Homemade ouija boards, zoetropes, and an unnecessary Elvis singalong - we're recapping The Conjuring 2! Our wonderful horrorspondent Betsy Sodaro (A Funny Feeling, We Love Trash) is back to guide us through the second installment of The Conjuring series. Join us to find out if Ed & Lorraine Warren love each other and, more importantly, if Henley is haunted!
1 hr 39 min
Jul 8, 2020
Poetic monologues, psychic visions, and the terrifying fallibility of memory - we're recapping Kasi Lemmons' 1997 film Eve's Bayou. Bonus discussion about Xavier Burgin's documentary Horror Noire: A History of Black Horror!
1 hr 12 min
Jul 1, 2020
THE ORPHANAGE with Mano Agapion
A seaside orphanage, children in masks (double whammy), and an incredibly tired husband - we're recapping J.A. Bayona's 2007 film The Orphanage! Mano Agapion (Drag Her!, We Love Trash, Horny 4 Horror) joins us to talk about this terrifying yet beautiful Spanish fantasy-horror. Grab your horror bingo cards cuz this movie does it ALL!
1 hr 28 min
Jun 24, 2020
A grieving woman with a terrible boyfriend, a murderer in a ghost face mask, and some incredibly unfazed teenagers - we're recapping Wes Craven's 1996 teen slasher SCREAM! Come for the horrific murders and stay for Emily's impeccable Matthew Lillard impression.
1 hr 28 min
Jun 17, 2020
Six women, one cave, and a whole bunch of nasty naked gollum men - we're recapping Neil Marshall's 2006 film (and Sammy's favorite horror film of all time!!!!) The Descent! Join us as we make a very strong case for never ever going spelunking. Adventure is bad and we should all just stay home <3
1 hr 29 min
Jun 10, 2020
READY OR NOT
Five (5) candelabras, a newlywed couple, and your classic board game tycoon family with an unfortunate tradition to uphold - we-re recapping the 2019 film Ready or Not! Join us as we learn why it's important to stay on top of your endurance training.
1 hr 37 min
May 27, 2020
Nosy neighbors, an incredible haircut, and a level of gaslighting that is truly off the charts - we're recapping the 1968 classic Rosemary's Baby. Join us as we learn how terrifying pregnancy and motherhood are. This episode contains descriptions of rape and other sensitive topics and could be triggering!
1 hr 30 min
May 20, 2020
TRAIN TO BUSAN with Joel Jensen
A hot dad, an adorable daughter, and an ever-growing hoard of zombies - we're recapping the South Korean zombie film Train to Busan! Our #1 horrorspondent Joel Jensen joins us via Zoom to talk about the winner of our foreign horror bracket. Listen to find out an exclusive entomological dermatology hack. Also, *trigger warning* for anyone who has had a zombie fall on them while they were doing kickflips :(
1 hr 33 min
May 13, 2020
Jack-O-Lanterns, knitting needles, and a killer in a William Shatner mask (the guy from Miss Congeniality) - we're talking John Carpenter's 1978 classic slasher film Halloween! Join us as we learn about Michael Myers, a big and fast man with absolutely zero chill. Pro tip: always be stressed, never be horny.
1 hr 15 min
May 6, 2020
THE CABIN IN THE WOODS
Puppeteers, a cellar filled with a buttload of artifacts, and a vacation with friends rudely interrupted by a zombie redneck torture family - we're recapping Drew Goddard's 2012 film The Cabin in the Woods. Join us as we argue about two-way vs. one-way mirrors and learn another very important lesson - don't get shredded.
1 hr 28 min
Apr 29, 2020
Haunted children, fistfights with demons, and copious amounts of eye cream - we're talking James Wan's 2011 film Insidious. Join us as we venture into the further and learn an important lesson - don't dream too hard, folks!
1 hr 15 min
Apr 22, 2020
Chainsaw fights, mountains of cocaine, and a semi-supernatural evil biker gang - we're recapping Panos Cosmatos' Mandy! Join us as we recap the greatest love story ever told. Pro tip: if a stranger ever says "See you later" to you - run!
1 hr 26 min
Apr 15, 2020
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT
Three student filmmakers, two handheld cameras, and one elusive witch - we're recapping The Blair Witch Project! Join us as we recap this found-footage horror film about how scary it is to trust the person holding the map.
1 hr 9 min
Apr 8, 2020
Paranoia, a spectacular hat, and a group of husky dogs that will probably be totally fine - we're recapping John Carpenter's 1982 classic The Thing! Grab a hot toddy or drink some whisky straight out of the bottle and join us as we chat about our most requested quarantine film. Kurt Russell is our north star and will get us through this strange time.
1 hr 18 min
Apr 1, 2020
People in masks, scary record players, and proof that ranch-style houses (and capitalism?) are a bad idea - we're recapping the 2008 film The Strangers. We are continuing our quarantine series with a movie that will make you feel very scared to be in your house. Sorry!!!
Mar 25, 2020
10 CLOVERFIELD LANE
An underground bunker, barrels of acid, and Molotov cocktails (does everyone just inherently know to make those??) - we're recapping 10 Cloverfield Lane! No guest this week; we are still in real-life quarantine so we chose a film that reflects the times. Join us as we become terrified of the otherwise lovable John Goodman.
1 hr 5 min
Mar 18, 2020
A QUIET PLACE
Rusty nails, an ill-advised pregnancy, and John Krasinski taking basically every job on the set - we're recapping 2018's A Quiet Place! No guest and also no Henley this week due to *social distancing* BUT Emily was brave and watched the movie with Sammy!! It's a scary time out there so all we can do is watch horror films and be thankful we are not being hunted by Demogorgon/praying mantis/crab/man monsters.
1 hr 13 min
Mar 11, 2020
30 DAYS OF NIGHT with Eugene Cordero
A top cop, a muffin monster, and Danny Huston giving an incredible performance as a vampire who can play records with his fingernail - we're recapping 30 Days of Night! Eugene Cordero (Tacoma FD, Golden Arm) joins us to talk about our very first vampire horror movie and explains how it uses the whole buffalo. Tune in to find out if Henley's eyes are stronger than her heart.
1 hr 33 min
Mar 4, 2020
IT FOLLOWS with Rebecca Lee Robertson
STD metaphors, masturbation dens, and a monster that seemingly "scrunches" you death - we're recapping David Robert Mitchell's It Follows! Rebecca Lee Robertson (From Your TV to UCB, Dow Jones, Kajillionaire) walks us through this 2014 coming-of-age horror film, and together we reflect on the inevitability of our own deaths. Pretty sure the takeaway is...YOLO?!
1 hr 16 min
Feb 26, 2020
US with Greg Gallant and Broti Gupta
A hall of mirrors, cool red jumpsuits and, as Emily says, "scissors and blood!!!" - we're recapping Jordan Peele's 2019 film US! Greg Gallant (TV writer on Speechless and Perfect Harmony; Firsthand Podcast) and Broti Gupta (TV writer on Speechless and Friends From College) join us to talk about what a damn blast these actors must have had and why all their stand-ins deserve awards. Tune in to hear Sammy and Greg's impression of Lupita Nyong'o's scary-as-hell "tether" voice.
1 hr 18 min
Feb 19, 2020
Another creepy dollhouse, a lone survivor of a cult, and a VERY bad idea for a Christmas vacation destination - we're recapping The Lodge! From the directors of Goodnight Mommy comes another excellent film that is thoroughly unpleasant to watch - we loved it! Just your hosts this week, join us if you want to feel very bad!
1 hr 19 min
Feb 12, 2020
CAPE FEAR with Kathleen Jordan
A vacation destination with a spooktacular name, some super sick tattoos, and Robert DeNiro as a very scary man who learned how to read - we're recapping Martin Scorsese's Cape Fear! Kathleen Jordan (Creator of the upcoming Netflix Original series Teenage Bounty Hunters) joins us to talk about this truly horrifying film that includes all our biggest real-life fears. Trigger warning that this movie includes scenes of rape and sexual assault.
1 hr 42 min
Feb 5, 2020
Creepy kids, a haunted mansion, and a LOT of spooky things that get showcased and then never come into play - we're recapping The Turning! A standard horror film with the most perplexing ending imaginable. No guest this week! Just the three of us trying to figure out if Finn Wolfhard is a regular horny teenage boy or an EVIL horny teenage boy. Tune in to find out.
1 hr 5 min
Jan 29, 2020
THE RING with Aaron Burdette
A haunted videotape, an extremely competent journalist, and a precocious little boy with a smoker's voice - we're recapping The Ring! Aaron Burdette (comedy writer; Man Seeking Woman, SNL Weekend Update, UCB) is here to talk about the movie that scared the sh*t out of him before he was the big brave adult he is now. Join us to find out what Naomi Watts loves to snack on.
1 hr 23 min
Jan 22, 2020
PET SEMATARY with Jonathan Sadowski
A cursed burial ground, a dad who just doesn't learn his lessons, and an adorable little boy with the cool-as-hell name 'Gage Creed' - we're recapping Mary Lambert's 1989 film Pet Sematary! Jonathan Sadowski (Young & Hungry, Chernobyl Diaries, Shookum Hills) joins us to talk about this truly insane movie. Don't shilly-shally, join us as we find out why sometimes dead is better!
1 hr 10 min
Jan 15, 2020
THE EXORCIST with Chase McCown
A demon named Pazuzu, stunts that caused lifelong spinal injuries, and language so foul Max Von Sydow forgot his lines - we're recapping William Friedkin's 1973 horror classic The Exorcist. Chase McCown tells us all about this game-changing horror (the first and still only one of two horror films to be nominated for Best Picture!!). Join us as we find out where exactly your mother sucks cocks.
Jan 8, 2020
THE BABADOOK with Stephanie Albala
A bad book, a struggling mother, and a cute/terrifying little boy that is sometimes a man on his knees wearing a wig - we're recapping Jennifer Kent's debut feature The Babadook. This movie is a beautiful exploration of motherhood, grief, and trauma...join us as we try not to cry through the whole episode!
1 hr 30 min
Jan 1, 2020
JENNIFER'S BODY with William Heus
A teenage girl possessed by a demon, a wasted Boston Market chicken, and music from DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL - we're recapping Karyn Kusama's 2009 film Jennifer's Body. William Heus is back to tell us all about this ahead-of-its-time-horror, and Henley was brave this week! Join us as we find out that hell truly is a teenage girl.
1 hr 7 min
Dec 25, 2019
A Bad Santa, nasty naughty little toys, and our favorite...TONI F*CKING COLLETTE - we're recapping KRAMPUS! No guest this episode, just us 3 really getting into the holiday spirit with this movie. Emily and Sammy were both brave! A Krampus miracle! Happy Krampus to all our scaredy-cats out there, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our favorite Henley Cox.
1 hr 10 min
Dec 18, 2019
DRAG ME TO HELL with Joel Jensen
A woman named Chris Brown, a spooky hanky, and maggots that are made out of PASTA (actor's rights win!!!) - we're talking Sam Raimi's Drag Me To Hell! Our first ever guest Joel Jensen (UCB's The Dragons) returns to describe another fluid-filled Sam Raimi flick. Or does he spoon feed it to us? Listen to find out!
1 hr 31 min
Dec 11, 2019
THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS with Marcy Jarreau
Skin suits, an FBI agent/feminist icon in training, and one surprisingly helpful cannibal - we're talking Jonathan Demme's The Silence of the Lambs! Marcy Jarreau (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, A Funny Feeling, Kardishin' It, 90 Day Bae) joins us to talk all things Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling. This movie won FIVE OSCARS because it's that damn good. It's got a lot of great lessons; mainly - don't trust any men ever? Or at the very least ones with casts on their arms asking you to help them move furniture. Just run.
1 hr 23 min
Dec 4, 2019
ALIEN with Rex Ogle
Ellen Ripley, space truck-drivers, and a cute baby alien that becomes an extremely not cute adult alien almost instantly - we're talking Ridley Scott's Alien. Rex Ogle (author of Free Lunch) joins us to talk about this classic sci-fi horror film. Sigourney Weaver is a badass bitch and this movie has the best trailer and tagline maybe ever? In space no one can hear you scream. Ahhhhhh! Warning: Includes spoilers for Prometheus, Aliens, and somehow... The Hobbit.
1 hr 11 min
Nov 27, 2019
SE7EN with Monica Padman
Seven deadly sins, some VERY upsetting crime scenes, and Brad Pitt in his god damn prime - we're recapping David Fincher's Se7en. Monica Padman (Armchair Expert) gives us all the details of this truly horrifying psychological thriller. Join us as we find out what's in that dang box!!
1 hr 4 min
Nov 20, 2019
DOCTOR SLEEP with Dominic Ciccodicola
A grown up Danny Torrance, a girl named Abra, and a gang of steam-sucking astral-projecting vampires - we're talking Doctor Sleep. Dominic Ciccodicola joins us to recap the sequel to The Shining. Stephen King loves this one so we HATE IT. There is a very cute cat in it though, and that's something. Abra Cadabra BABY!
1 hr 15 min
Nov 13, 2019
THE SHINING with Ginger Gonzaga
An extremely haunted hotel, an abusive husband and father, and an all-too-casual warning that a previous caretaker murdered his whole family here - we're recapping Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. Ginger Gonzaga (Living With Yourself, Kidding, Your Day) joins us to talk about this horror masterpiece. Stephen King hates it so we LOVE IT! Come play with us...
Nov 6, 2019
HEREDITARY with George Basil
An unfortunate nut allergy, severe family trauma, and TONI FUCKING COLLETTE - it's here! Our most requested movie! George Basil (HBO's Crashing, CBS All Access' No Activity) joins us to talk about Ari Aster's Hereditary. We needed a stiff drink to make it through this one and SORRY we got a little drunk. Deal with it. Hail Paimon.
1 hr 7 min
Oct 30, 2019
THE CONJURING with Betsy Sodaro
A hateful demon, incredibly attractive paranormal investigators, and way too many nasty nightgowns - we are recapping James Wan's 2013 film The Conjuring. The wonderful and very brave Betsy Sodaro (A Funny Feeling and We Love Trash) joins us this week to talk about Sammy's all-time scariest film. You're gonna want to call your priest after this one.
1 hr 31 min
Oct 23, 2019
One-eyed sea birds, furious masturbating and lots and lots of farts - we're spilling the beans about Robert Eggers' The Lighthouse. Emily, Henley and Sammy are ALL THREE brave this week! We went to see this wild film and will try our damn best to recap it for you. Like the film, this episode is a slow descent into madness.
1 hr 2 min
Oct 16, 2019
28 DAYS LATER with Dan Lippert
A rage virus, a very bad time to wake up from a coma, and more proof than man is the scariest monster of all, we're talking Danny Boyle's 2003 film 28 Days Later. Dan Lippert (UCB's Winslow, Big Grande The Teacher's Lounge and You're The Man Now Dog podcast) walks us through the empty London streets of the zombie apocalypse. Fockin' Hell.
1 hr 14 min
Oct 9, 2019
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE with Andy Knauer
A murderous family, form-over-function interior decorating, and a group of friends who should have taken their horoscopes a little bit more seriously - we're talking Tobe Hooper's 1974 game-changing slasher The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Andy Knauer joins us as we continue our extra spooky October series. This week's film is Henley's own personal hell. Probably a good idea to skip the BBQ tonight.
1 hr 1 min
Oct 2, 2019
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY with Jessica Jardine
A camcorder, a Ouija board, and a demon haunting that you probably should have mentioned to your boyfriend before you moved in together - we're kicking off an extra-spooky October with 2007's Paranormal Activity. Jessica Jardine (UCB's The Dragons and Kar Dishin' It Podcast) joins us to recap Silent Jenna's personal scariest movie of all time. This one might just be our scariest yet so listeners beware!
1 hr 1 min
Sep 25, 2019
EVENT HORIZON with Evan Sinclair
Black holes, missing eyes, and the worst possible orgy imaginable - we're recapping Paul Anderson's (not that Paul Anderson) 1997 film Event Horizon. Evan Sinclair joins us to talk about this truly traumatizing haunted vessel movie. Full disclosure: Though it is about a vessel, this movie is NOT Titanic. Welcome to hell.
1 hr 8 min
Sep 11, 2019
IT CHAPTER TWO
More uninhibited violence against children, a corpse driving a getaway car and still not even CLOSE to enough Pennywise - let's talk It Chapter Two! Sammy tries to convince Emily and Henley to see this not-so-scary horror film by taking them through the "scariest" parts. Is it fun and worth seeing? Or "dumb and bad"? Does Bill Hader hate us? Let's find out!
1 hr 8 min
Sep 4, 2019
IT with William Heus
A murderous clown, bad dads and uninhibited violence against children - we're recapping 2017's IT. William Heus takes us through all the gruesome details of the Losers' Club's first clash with Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Join us and you'll float too.
Aug 28, 2019
THE EVIL DEAD with Stephen Unckles
A cabin in the woods, the Necronomicon, and so so SO many fluids - we're taking it back to the 80's! Stephen Unckles joins us to talk about Sam Raimi's 1981 classic, The Evil Dead. Be warned, you'll never look at oatmeal the same way.
Aug 21, 2019
THE WITCH with Joel Jensen and Caroline Lindy
Scary rabbits, exorcisms and hot wood-chopping dads - we're talking about The Witch! Guest brave-person Joel Jensen tells us all the details about this "double black diamond" horror film. Also joined by guest scaredy-cat Caroline Lindy. May God have mercy on our souls.
Aug 14, 2019
Murder-suicides, skin suits and human sacrifices - we're pencil diving straight into the deep end! In our very first episode, we're talking about the wild and wonderful Midsommar. Brave-person Sammy describes the film in full detail to scaredy-cats Emily and Henley. Buckle up.