Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Restart
Play • 1 hr 10 min

Does God only love a few thousand people? Is there a second set of Ten Commandments? Is Moses getting exposed to high doses of radiation? Is Aaron getting bullied into building bull gods? All these questions and more go unanswered in this week’s episode.

God asked to talk to Moses, bulls need to be killed. Time for blood magic. After spraying the crowd down with bull blood, Moses takes a group up to see God in the flesh, but not really since people can’t see God, but it says they saw God and the Bible can’t be wrong, but then why does it say later that they can’t see God?

Have you ever stepped out for 40 days, learned way too much about lamp stand construction, and when you come back everyone in your house is a pagan? Moses has.

Aaron takes an unexpected turn making an idol for the Israelites and throws the first Burning Man festival. While disappointing, Moses may have had a bit of an overreaction to it.

Moses starts feeling inadequate and asks God to show themselves to Moses. Let’s forget that Moses has seen God a few times before now. God decides to show Moses their ass. And that ass is so powerful that it radiates Moses’ face. Then he’s given a second set of Ten Commandments. Unfortunately, these also don’t contain commandments to not rape or treat women as equals.

We skip over where God gets anal about tent specifications to spare you. Just to show you we care.

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