How Feeling Like You Don’t Fit In Causes Binge Eating
Play • 22 min

Do you often get stuck in the thought that you are so different and you don’t fit in anywhere — at home, in school, or in the neighborhood? Is that feeling forcing you to be who you are not, affecting how and when you eat? 

If yes, you are not alone because so many people are stuck in that thought too.

In this episode, I discuss how you can deal with the feeling of being an outsider and its effects on the way you eat. I also talk about how to reframe your thoughts to become more friendly to yourself.

Tune in to the full episode and learn more about how reframing works and how it will benefit you.

I am now offering a virtual 10-week CLASS!

The transformative class will include pre-recorded videos, audio recordings, handouts, and membership in a Facebook community. You can take this course at your own pace, so if you are very busy one week you can put it on hold. I am so confident that this class can help you that it comes with a money back guarantee! Enrollment is ongoing! 

If you would prefer more individualized help, contact me so that we can schedule a private virtual session.

To sign up for the class or to get private help, you can send me an email at betsy@betsythurstonrd.com or visit my website.

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
  1. Learn more about why you think you don’t fit in.
  2. Understand the term terminal uniqueness and how can you deal with it.
  3. Learn how to reframe your thoughts so they are less threatening and more positive.
Resources Episode Highlights Feeling Like an Outsider Feeling and How to Deal with It

A lot of people have felt like an outsider their entire lives. They have grown in families where they felt like the black sheep or did not meet their parents’ expectations. They have lived like they’re on the outskirts in the neighborhood or at school — from the outside looking in.

If you think this way, you are flat out wrong because everything fits exactly as it fits. What makes you different may be what the people around you need.

So when these thoughts come to your mind, try to reframe your thoughts from “I’m an outsider” to “I fit perfectly.” This works because you are learning how to be yourself and teaching others that it’s okay to be a nonconformist.

Just as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

The Difference Between Fitting In and Belonging

Many of us suffer from this divide between our real selves and the version of ourselves we want others to see. As Rita Mae Brown puts it, “The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.”

Fitting in is akin to twisting ourselves into a pretzel to force people to hang out with us. Belonging, on the other hand, is presenting ourselves to the world to get accepted.

Terminal Uniqueness and Binge Eating

Terminal uniqueness is a term used in AA to refer to a form of denial. It is a feeling that what you are experiencing — alcoholism — is different from others in the group. So you should not be doing the same things they’re doing, like sobering up. I have seen this a lot of times in my clients.

The thought goes like this: “I know that binge eating is bad for me and that I should stick to three solid meals a day and two snacks. Other people would probably not gain weight, but, me, I would gain weight.”

Some would even defy science and believe that if they just eat 1000 calories a day, they will gain weight. And that’s flat out untrue. This fear of gaining weight creates the illusion of difference, of not fitting in.

We All Fit In; Here’s Why

We are all humans living on this planet together, experiencing hurt and suffering. And with the continuing development of the Internet, the world is getting smaller. We are beginning to understand that we may be physically different or geographically far from each other, but we are all the same on so many levels. We just need to shift our thinking and start realizing that we all fit into the big story of humanity.

How Reframing Helps with Terminal Uniqueness and Binge Eating

As you start to embrace what makes you unique and how you fit in, you will begin to understand that this thought of being different is such a common thing. Everybody thinks about it. So when you do, just feel it and let it go.

When you reframe your thoughts, you start to see things more clearly, which lightens your load, the empty feeling inside you. You begin to get rid of that unsettled need to starve yourself to be liked, only to overeat afterward.

How to Reframe Your Thoughts

Some of my clients often talk to themselves in a very demeaning way without realizing it. They dwell on what they don’t like about themselves and how it makes them not fit in.

That is extremely exhausting. And getting rid of these thoughts takes reframing your thinking. Here’s how you can do it.

  1. Write your thoughts and reflect on them.
  2. Then, look at how you can shift some words to make them more friendly.
  3. Reframe these thoughts.

For example, if you feel lost, then reframe your thoughts into this: “Even when I don’t know and I’m unclear, I can never feel lost because I’m a part of a whole.” Or when you feel invisible, reframe that into, “I’m a powerful creator.”

5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode

“Everything fits exactly as it fits.”

“I fit perfectly, and I am here to learn how to be me.”

“We need to just shift our thinking and realize we all fit into the big story of humanity.”

“You must feel, feel, feel. But don’t get stuck, stuck, stuck on, ‘I’m different, I’m different, I’m different.’ Feel, let it go, and then get into the fullness of who you are.”

“I can never feel lost because I’m part of a whole.”

If you listened to the podcast and enjoyed it, please share and post a review!

Have any questions or want to schedule an appointment? You can email me at betsy@betsythurstonrd.com or visit my website.

To making peace with eating,

Betsy

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