To anal, or not to anal? What you've all been waiting for: the answers to what happened in Aruba. Columbia University accepts, then unaccepts, 277 applicants. In related news: 277 teenagers are spared the trauma of attending Columbia. Should food stamps be used to buy candy and soda? The State of Maine asks, #Millennial (kind of?) answers. #ItGetsBetter is more than just a catchy phrase: a new study finds that since gay marriage laws were passed, the teen suicide rate has dropped. Michigan State has 99 problems but a whiteboard ain't one. Where were you when Sweden was attacked by its immigrant population? We can't remember. Neither can Sweden. Listener feedback unravels a deep, serious confession from somebody admitting to being transphobic. We welcome the thoughts and experiences of any trans listeners who would like to respond on the next episode. MAKE THAT DENTIST APPOINTMENT YET ANDREW? And in this week's After Dark: How to Adult 101: Listeners have questions about commuting to work, buying homes, and getting married. Our advice can be summed up as: don't get married, have a funeral instead, coffins < solo cups, and fuck commutes longer than 10 minutes.