Andrew returns from last week's stint in prison to find his world has collapsed. "I've got transparent pandering in my bag. Swag." -Hillary Clinton News kicks off with a brand new study that reveals either we're all morons, or the study's authors are. New legislation in Congress would permit 9/11 victims' families to sue Saudi Arabia for their role in funding the terrorist attacks. In related news, submissions now open for our #sueme photoshop challenge. Bruce Springsteen and other A-List artists take North Carolina to school, protesting the new anti-LGBTQ law through the power of song and dance. Or lack thereof. Inky the octopus chooses liberty over safety in this year's new Pixar flick, "Get Me the Fuck Out of Here." Rated G. A new segment called "The Number" tests our knowledge of the Millennial generation and unearths precisely how below fucking average the four of us are. Surprise, bitch! introduces us to Megan, the perfectly kind music teacher from Pennsylvania who absolutely did not deserve to be harassed by Matt for 10 minutes.