You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to feel sorrow. Your life is complex and heavy and things are confusing. I know. It's hard. But, I promise you "you" will be okay!
Life has moments that tear you apart, piece-by-piece. You are not alone. Knowing you are not alone is important because then you can reach to others and allow them to reach into you and bring you out of your despair and back into the light of love.
Love yourself and forgive yourself and then let others love you too!