CPTSD Recovery: We Are Traumatized Motherfuckers
CPTSD, Complex Trauma, Generational PTSD, Relationship Trauma | TMFR LLC
Subscribe
The neuroscience, developmental biology, behavioral science, and rl explorations of CPTSD without the "bright sides" or clinical drone. Spot the patterns of anxiety, avoidance, bad relationships, disassociation, DID, stress illness, memory fragmentation, hypersensitivity... and the rest of yer "life on trauma" to rewire your brain. You aren't alone, damaged, or doomed; your recovery resilience might make you a real MF.
For the 300+ episode backlog and private support community hit Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers, or visit www.t-mfrs.com for more info.
Available episodes
Newest first
Oldest first
3 days ago
Early Day Episodes Rereleases
When your brain is a spiralling hellhole of "not good enough, never have been"... sometimes you withdraw. When that shitscape is finally over, it's time to reconsider the hiding you've been doing.
Let's talk about what happened in those isolative times '21-22 and the sudden re-release of episodes from the beginning days of this accidental podcast.
Stoked to get better acquainted... and hail yer damn Self, Fuckers.
Cheers
MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jan 25, 2023
1. Loneliness and Isolation in CPTSD
Surprise, we're back! Keeping up with the private stream's topic of the month, we're here to talk about Loneliness.
Let's discuss the varieties of loneliness, the trends that start in childhood and pervade a lifetime, and the separate condition known as Isolation. Plus, how being a relational castaway can actually benefit our post-traumatic growth (whaaat).
Looking for all the details and community reflections on these lifetimes of loneliness? Find em at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers - promise you'll feel less alone.
---
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
12. Challenges of breaking the cycle | AKA - generational upset, NC, a new world
Let's talk about the opposition we face during trauma recovery - namely, from our social contacts who aren't ready to have their own histories and perspectives pulled into focus. And, let's discuss the reason why the battle is worth all the effort.
Don't give up, brave Motherfucker. Remember that what you're doing matters. For everyone. ✊
Related eps: perspective series, filial obligaton series, brain programming series, family hijinx series, NC eps, refind yer Self series, inner and outer work series
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
11. Forming new lives | AKA - reintegration efforts for lasting change
So we do this painful and energetically expensive inner work. And then what? Return to the same old lives? Naw, Fucker. That's the fastest way to hit "revert to draft." Once the integrative inner work starts, the outer labor has to keep up.
Let's talk about supporting our brain changes by building new lives, to enable further cognitive evolution as we keep stepping.
Related eps: inner and outer work series, refind & empower yer Self series, re-association eps, confronting common human fears ep, early season motivation eps --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
10. The resources needed for brain recovery | AKA - mediums for new perspectives
Aiming for recovery, but finding that you never have the conditions to make progress?
Let's talk about what it takes for a brain to heal. The basic mediums of life that most of us are unable to access in our traumatized society.
Related eps: time distortion series, "rat cage" societal trauma series, inner and outer work series, refind yer Self series --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
9. Loss of functionality | AKA - overcompensation, collapse, resisilence not resistence
A brain is busy with all those survival processes running in the background and the second-by-second management of triggers and symptoms. So what happens when that system gets overloaded?
Today, we're talking about the pattern of symptom masking/ignorance, overcompensation, loss of functionality, and eventual collapse. And how does "resilience vs. resistance" change our perspective?
Related eps: brain operations series, perspective series, inner and outer work series --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
8. Internal battles | AKA - healing your disintegrated brain
Back to this self-limiting conversation... what happens when our "selves" are limited by incohesion? When we have inner wars over "the right thing," or oppositional memory and emotional responses confusing every issue?
Let's talk about the battle that rages inside. Revisiting "parts" and how they're the crux of pulling your shit together for long-lasting recovery.
Related eps: fragmentation series, DID series, find and empower yer Self series, inner and outer work series, derealization and depersonalization eps --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
7. Self-limiting modes of existence | AKA - life halting programs and parts battles
You've decided to enact new behaviors to change your life... only to find you can't actually put them into practice. You stall out and revert to old programs to your own bewilderment. Something is stalling progress from the inside.
Let's talk about self-limiting strategies for living spawned by trauma. And the ways they become "default modes" of daily existence.
Related eps: self-limitation series, the cages we create ourselves, refind yer Self series, inner & outer work series
Ready to retrain your brain and behaviors? Talked a lot about these topics, and highly recommend diving deeper for reflection. Hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the full series on this subject. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
6. Default Mode Network (DMN) | AKA - memory throwbacks, bodily disconnection, and sub-sensory fear
So we all have a penchant for fear, it's a foundational aspect of PTSD. But what happens when our brain relay system is wonky due to those adaptations?
Let's talk about the faulty DMN. How it throws us into disjointed memories, disables continuous autobiographical recall, explains poor sense of somatic (bodily) self, and interacts with those pesky sub-sensory threshold fear triggers. Reflect on this one, it'll explain a lot.
Related eps: DMN ep, entrapment series, developmental biology and disassociation eps across seasons --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
5. Entrapment, defeat, suicidality, and relationships | AKA - it's not worth your whole life
We know, trauma brains create patterns that can stall us out and keep us stuck. This is especially true when talking "relationships" of all forms. Unfortunately, leading many to feel permanently socially-tethered, personally incapable, and suicidal, instead.
Today, let's talk about how relationships often corrupt our lives, how to re-work them, and when it's time to say goodbye - all for recovery's sake.
Related eps: relationship obligation series, covert abuse series, brain patterning series, filial obligaton series, self-limitation series --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
4. Filial obligation and family re-immersion | AKA - the family system trap
The time comes for all of us; the family call to duty. And then what. We know it's going to trigger unwanted trauma reactions. But resisting often feels futile, immoral, and socially-punishing.
Let's talk about the dangers of family re-immersion for a healing trauma brain and what we can do to protect ourselves before the filial phonecalls start.
Related eps: filial obligation and entrapment series, family brain hijinx series, fawning series, brain operations series, social psychology ep --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
3. “Perspective” | AKA - gaslighting, cognitive self-corruption, time distortions
Perspective; A word with many meanings, depending on who's speaking it. Namely, the bane of, "that's just ONE perspective."
Let's talk about the real definition of the word, how it pertains to post-traumatic stress development, where attention vs. willful ignorance comes into play, and how no one can ever have your irreplicable perspective. Trust your guts, Fuckers. You know where you've been.
Related eps: perspective series, time distortions series, covert abuse series, family brain hijinx series --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
2. Retraumatization, backslides, and non-linear progress | AKA - current cult.ural triggerings
Have you been struggling to make meaningful progress? Well, these global events don't help. Especially when they feel so... family-iar... to our trauma brains.
Let's talk about the semi-accepted phases of trauma recovery - destabilization, processing, and integration. And how societal systems keep bringing us back to square one.
Related eps: "the rat cage" societal trauma series, refind yer Self series, inner work series --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
1. “Not bad enough to be trauma” | AKA - the aftermath is what matters
Ever doubt that "it was significant enough to count as t-word"?
Well, the key word is significance.
Let's break this down simply and talk about what really creates PTSD; our brains' subjective experience of fear and the meaning we give events (and ourselves) in the aftermath.
Related eps: filial obligation and entrapment series, perspective series --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 20, 2022
Intro to Season Two
We're back! Let's wrap up a year of in-depth trauma research and community insights with a new season.
* Free holiday support Discord server: https://discord.gg/5AYuCuQRhn
* Public holiday episodes (browse or search "holiday"): patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers
* Full episode guide: https://www.t-mfrs.com/epguide
Ho-ho-ho, Motherfucker. I'll see you there.
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jan 21, 2022
13. Recovery
Convinced you aren't individually damaged, doomed, or destitute yet? Sick. But that comfort doesn't do much good if your brain, behaviors, and life don't change along with the perspective.
Here are 10 steps for CPTSD recovery and your life redesign. Keeping in mind, "different strokes for different folks," "different gains for different brains." Let the experiment begin.
See you on the other side, Motherfucker.
For a lot more "moving forward" information and support... you know by now. Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the catalogue of podcast episodes so far, some videos, some worksheets, and access to the private Discord support community.
Submit your recovery or struggle story any time - just send your recording to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com. Reach a hand back for the Fuckers that follow.
Cheers y'all, and thanks for the time you've given your brain.
Jess
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jan 13, 2022
12. Loss of "Self," Learned Helplessness, and Executive Functioning
Do you edit your daily activities to feel "acceptable," to the detriment of your own wants, needs, and goals? Can you see yourself clearly from the outside, on one timeline? Do you have the power to "drop out" of your brain and observe its activities as a separate observer?
Maybe not.
Today, we're talking about the loss of "Self" - the most flowery and easily dismissible of the CPTSD hallmarks... which might explain why we continually lose progress in trauma recovery. It's the key to keeping your brain, behaviors, and 'balance' on track. The cognitive task-manager that knows what you're here to accomplish. The center of human "purpose" and autobiographical experience. And the most elusive of the CPTSD recovery tools - especially when its been deemed "shameful" for so long.
Let's talk about your Self. My favorite top-down and bottom-up tool for bypassing dissociation and keeping that brain in working order.
Uh, lot more to say about this one. My Self has been a bit conceptuall…
playlist_add
Jan 6, 2022
11. Fawning, Anxious Attachment, and Enmeshment
What's the difference between "being a good person" and sacrificing your whole life to support others? In most of our families and social structures... there isn't one. Which makes it pretty hard to name the problem, re-examine your instincts to serve, or stand up for your right to operate your own brain.
Today, let's talk about one of the most ignored and normalized survival responses. Fawning.
If history has anything to say - sorry to everyone who kickstarts a new round of therapy because of this conversation. It's been a commonly enlightening topic for revealing accepted, pervasive, trauma patterning.
For a lot more talk on fawning, including some 2021 year-end wrapups that are coming out in January, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Check t-mfrs.com if yer curious about the whole project, and to find visual versions of the shows.
Cheers, MFucking Fawners.
Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Dec 31, 2021
10. Family of Origin & Yer Brain Programming
Here's a holiday release for ya. Merry whatever-you-do, and let's talk about families fuckin things up.
Mental illness seems to run in families, do'nnit? Turns out, there's some biological mirroring mechanisms you might want to hear about. Why are you "the way you are"? It's because of them. Why do they refuse to see your progress and personality realistically? It's also because of them.
Today, let's talk brain development, brain programming, and brain-protection tactics (you might know them as scapegoating, cognitive dissonance, and delusions). Buckle up, Blacksheep. it's time to talk about the dangers of dysregulated humans penning the blueprints for younger brains. Generational trauma, yeehaw.
Want to hear more about this? I've got a few shows from this summer that might make sense of your... world. Hit t-mfrs.com for more project information and patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers whenever you're ready to jump in to the episode backlog, exercises, and support communi…
playlist_add
Dec 23, 2021
9. The Trauma Trap: Avoidance, Rigidity, and Trauma-Bubbles
So, let's say your brain is on fire 24/7. Your body is doing the same. You're uncomfortable every moment, from the inside and out. You, very literally, are too sick and tired to deal with another obstacle or point of pressure. So... You reasonably start avoiding sources of strain. But then it gets unreasonable.
What happens if everything is deemed "risky"?
Talking the eventual extreme outcome of untreated CPTSD. Turns out, it's a lot more common than you probably think - TLC specials, aside. Today, let's rap about the agitated, agoraphobic, rigid-brained experience of rightfully avoiding everything that hurts.
Looking to stop avoiding life so much? (On a personal note; highly recommend.) Come hang out with me a bit more in the TMFR private podcast stream and community. Live vicariously through my "eh, fuckit," approach that's firmly replaced the anxious bubble where I used to hunker. Check out the story, research, and tips at t-mfrs.com or get the private feed at patreon.com/traum…
playlist_add
Dec 16, 2021
8. Losing Control of Your Brain: Triggers, Spirals, Addiction, Self-harm, Bad habits
What's the difference between your past high-functionality and current fears of "losing your fucking mind"? Bad information that was programmed into faulty neural networks being activated more regularly in ways that override the accessibility of the "human brained" prefrontal cortex.
The good news is, you can fix it. Your brain isn't "you" or a reflection of your value. And it's just a stupid biological reactor organ, waiting to be taught better.
"As much as we put it on a pedestal, your head isn’t infallible in interpreting your environment or history or future. It makes up stories to do so. It predicts events as quickly and accurately as possible, but the instructions or translations of events it contains might be flawed from the start..."
Let's talk about collecting bad data, creating inaccurate stories, triggering ourselves to high-hell, obsessing, addictions, self-sabotage, and losing executive functioning.
Into the neuro-comprehension talk? Welp, that's what we're d…
playlist_add
Dec 8, 2021
7. Anxiety, Obsession, and ADHD; The High Energy Hellscape
Time to talk about perhaps the largest post-traumatic complaint. It's time for Anxiety. (When isn't it?) Let's also chat about those highly related conditions often driven by anxiety... Obsession and Scattered Thinking. The link between all of them that might help you with managing the system? Neutralizing the "high energy" changes they create in your brain and body, plus rewiring that brain to recognize these neural activities are all unwinnable attempts to out-pace a rightfully-assumed-dangerous world.
"In anxiety, obsession, and ADHD, we try to predict the future based on what we’ve seen in the past. We try to control our world by out-thinking it. Out-preparing for it. Our thoughts move very quickly as our brains make automatic decisions based on existing neural connections. We can’t stop taking compulsive action because our brain never gives the “stop” signal."
Let's break down some of the most holistically-debilitating conditions of life on trauma... the "neurotic" end…
playlist_add
Dec 6, 2021
6. Depression, Shame, Rumination; The Low Energy Gang
You know the team well. They all travel together. One feeds into and strengthens the next. And getting away from them feels inescapable. It's a Traumatized Motherfucker's worst friends; rumination, shame, and depression. Which cognitive hellhole comes first? Current models aren't certain. All we know is, this horrible-thought-horrible-feeling cycle is one hell of a ride.
"The end result of trying to “put ourselves in our maggoty, scum-filled place” is sitting at home alone, isolating ourselves, and engaging in self-destructive behaviors while we try to pass the excruciating hours of the day, which are broken into even more terrorizing individual seconds of the day spent with our least favorite person on the earth."
Today, we're taking the neuro-psychological view of clinical depression... and discussing how their common "low energy vibe" might be the best tool for noticing, naming, and not-falling-for-their-shit next time.
Ready for more of this conversation? There ar…
playlist_add
Nov 24, 2021
5. Life-Numbing Dissociation
Emotional numbing. Over-intellectualizing. Depersonalization. Derealization. Fragmented Personalities. Let's talk about all the ways that our brains try to protect us from stress, overwhelm, and danger. The ways we might see this as "adaptive skill." And the ways we might not even realize dissociation is happening, by half-brained design.
Looking to learn more? You know what to do. Go to t-mfrs.com to see the visually-enhanced version of these posts (my shit-doodles, don't get excited). Hit Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to hear the full episodes already devoted to dissociative topics. Or hit that Google bar to start learning on your own!
Cheers Y'all
Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Nov 17, 2021
4. Actually-Effective Therapy
I know, therapy probably hasn’t been a walk in the park so far. If you’re here, you’re probably looking for more information, more help, or more reassurance that you’re not the only one looking for a way out. But there's no real substitute to having a professional to keep you grounded, processing the right materials, and creating personalized progress goals in line with your individual struggles.
As someone who did NOT want to go to therapy, after two very bad experiences with people who didn’t know what the hell they were doing, I can tell you, my trauma brain completely changed the day I found a qualified trauma therapist. And I want everyone to have that experience.
Today, let's talk about the challenges of finding effective help and the caveats of safely turning to prescription meds. Because trauma requires trauma-trained therapy, and there's a lot to choose from.
For more help finding a practitioner who matches your personal preferences, go to https://www.psychology…
playlist_add
Nov 10, 2021
3b. Yer Life on CPTSD
Let's take an unexpected step back, and talk more about the EXPERIENCE of living with CPTSD, not just the brain processes that make it reality. With memory, attentional, emotional, and relationship issues at the forefront of the list, not to mention all the stress-based health failures, there's a lot to say about the endless death march of having untreated CPTSD running the show.
The real cumulative CPTSD experience is probably when we take all these tormentors coming from the insides of our own brains and bodies, lay awake all night, every night, and enjoy that endless tour de “all the most humiliating, lonesome, and terrified times in my life.” In my book, there’s nothing worse than the insomnia-shame combo that rips away any lingering sense of control or sanity you may have had.
It's helpful to know that all your struggles come from one single mental origin. But more importantly, it's critical to know that you aren't alone and your neurons aren't unfixable.
This may be y…
playlist_add
Nov 1, 2021
3. Yer Brain on CPTSD
Let's talk about everyone's favorite new buzzdiagnosis - Complex Trauma (CPTSD). What is it? Why is it so difficult to name? And what does it really do to your brain, as far as creating self-destructive neural structures that can undermine your lifetime?
Here's a biological / neuropsychological breakdown of life on undiagnosed CPTSD, AKA living with "pervasive relational trauma."
In a nutshell, CPTSD is the same brain mechanism and downstream nightmare we just discussed last time in our PTSD talk... But specifically it’s defined by the early timing, the relational nature, and the persistence of trauma. Let's focus on the ways these early developmental influences tend to impart automatic, lifelong, destructive programming in your brain.
Ready to hear more about Complex Trauma, from an experiential standpoint? Great news, this isn't the first time around the block. There are two much longer, much less brain-directed episodes on defining the experience of CPTSD already streaming…
playlist_add
Oct 24, 2021
2. What is Trauma? Brain Mechanism of PTSD
It's not so mysterious, actually.
We’ve really made Trauma into a big word with a lot of negative connotation, qualification, and over-complication. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t shamefully uttered the phrase “But I wonder if that’s really bad enough to count as trauma, when other people have had it worse.”
So let’s stop right there and clear up the fact that trauma has nothing to do with being in the top 1% of human tragedy. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
What IS Trauma, speaking from a neurological level? How do our memories split, our heads get littered with backed up data, and our bodies join in the dysregulated shitshow? What are flashbacks, triggerings, and intrusive thoughts? Where does rumination fit into the puzzle? What's our "Human" vs "Animal" power struggle got to do with it? And how can we visualize things, neurally, to understand our brain errors?
Let's talk about Trauma, in one conceptualization of neuro-,…
playlist_add
Oct 24, 2021
1. Intro
So, how’s life been lately? But how has it really been? Having some variety of experiences that goes beyond your normal baseline standard depression, anxiety, self-hatred and disinterest in being alive?
If you're new here - needing answers or a lobotomy ASAP - welcome to the club. Together we've had 18 months of trauma-learning through peer-reviewed research, connecting dots from our conversations in the community, and a bit too much personal experience.
Apparently this one-human project has been helping folks all over the world, but it's also gotten pretty "trauma-advanced" through all of our conversations together. We've gotten way past the introductory information that plenty of Fuckers still need to make sense of their baffling brains. So let's back up, start this thing again, and discuss a basic biological framework for understanding the 4 billion horsemen of CPTSD in one scowl swoop. Let's get on the same page before starting the next big chapter.
This is TMFRs, a tra…
playlist_add
Sep 9, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Over-stimulation, Hypersensitivity, and Trauma
Ever feel like you're just TOO observative and sensitive? Like your surroundings have an irrationally large effect on your concentration, mood, and emotions? Like you're strangely stimulated from the inside more often than not? Good news, it's not just you - it's Trauma.
Dig the Complex Trauma support project? Well, shit, this MF needs support too. If this trauma podcast is helping you in any way, please consider throwing a few bucks at it - you'll help other Traumatized Fuckers get the words they need to feel less alone, and help me afford to eat. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 28, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Comfort in Chaos
Ever heard that generality, "Complex Trauma survivors culture chaos in their lives because it feels normal"? Fuck that, amiright? No way this constant shitshow is my fault. I do NOT want any of this entropy that follows me.
Well, Fuckers, today I'm taking a look at the more subtle forms of chaos that have been ruling my life and relations for the past 3 months. Maaaaybe it's time to acknowledge that chaos does something to calm this brain.... even if I don't want it to be true. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 26, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Axes of Trauma recovery
I'm not a scientist anymore, but some things haven't faded. Today, I'm laying out my hypothesis that there are three major areas of life that need to be positively changed and maintained for lasting Trauma brain recovery to happen. The massive, overarching elements that require exhaustive attention and brave behavior changes. What are those areas? How do they impact our mental health? What happens when one or two of the components are in place - good enough, right? (Nah.) --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 26, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Distress Intolerance and Perseverant Thinking
Ever feel overwhelmed and shut-down for... well... kind of mundane reasons? Like you're about to explode if your phone doesn't stop pinging? You might kill your significant other if they don't let *that issue* go? You might break down if you get an email at 9pm?
When the agitation from over stimulation builds up, what happens next? Shutdown, avoidance, aggression? A quick turn towards maladaptive behaviors that lingers for days? Yeah, Fucker, today I'm talking about Distress Intolerance, inner critics, and avoidant coping responses. Is it real, and what can we do about it?
OH, and a replay from the podcast, Anxious and Angry.... you know, just one of my favorite bands, talking about Traumatized Motherfuckers! WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK. So excited that I'm pushing this episode to the front of the line! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 19, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Prolonged Freeze States
Ever feel like you get "stuck" in a void? Like your brain goes blank and your tongue gets tied? Do you watch your life deteriorate while you're stuck in a parallel dimension?
Hey, today I'm discussing Freeze States in Trauma survivors. I've got a research article for you, revealing the occurrence of "prolonged" Freeze States in rats under Complex Trauma Conditions. Plus, we're talking about the ways that this survival mechanism can become a long-term maladaptive response instead of a momentary defense. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 19, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Emotional Dissociation (AKA Numbing)
How are your emotions? Black and white, like everything else? 0 or 100? Big surprise, your trauma brain is just trying to keep you safe.
Today, I'm discussing some research on Emotional Dissociation as well as my own experience with the learned defense mechanism. The emotional "switch" that flips when things are overwhelming... and how it takes on a life of its own. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 19, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: ACEs and Work Environments
Struggle with work environments triggering your trauma and disrupting your life? Wonder why coworkers drive you over the edge? Ever feel like you're just "not cut out" for a 9-5? Yeah, Fucker. You aren't alone.
Of course, our ACEs contribute to difficult work relationships and poor life balance. When organizations encourage security hierarchies, poor boundaries, and social aggression... is it really any wonder that Traumatized Motherfuckers feel their mental health going by the wayside?
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 5, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Deactivation, hot & cold relationships explained
Ever heard of Deactivation? I hadn't either. But it explains a lot about my do-or-die relationships and flighty nature.
A die-hard companion. A martyr for relationships. A friend until the end. (READ: A codependent mess) UNTIL I'M NOT. Here for you one day, freaked out and disappeared the next. Is this a shitty personality, or survival instincts gone wrong?
Time to research something new - Deactivation.
Does this sound like you, too? You might belong in the TMFR Discord community. Head over to t-mfrs.com and apply to join!
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 5, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Shame and C-PTSD
If you google Complex Trauma you'll find many mentions of Shame. I get it, I think, but also... What the fuck IS shame, exactly? How is it different from guilt? How does it interplay with Trauma?
Doing some "real research" and reporting back on the hidden experience of Shame. One of the most painful and pervasive emotions.
Wanna give me a new topic to look at? Report it at t-mfrs.com and I'll see what I can find on PubMed.
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 1, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Trauma and physical manifestions
So... things suddenly aren't going so well with your body? Weird shit is happening, acutely and chronically?
Sorry, Motherfucker. Welcome to the world of trauma manifestation in physical symptoms. Talking flashbacks, dissociation, and all the assorted ailments you can expect. Plus, my general advice based on what helped me quiet down these autoimmune diseases, digestive failures, acid reflux, FUPAs, migraines, and more. Take it or leave it.
What did I miss? I'm sure there's a lot more. Let me know and tell me about your experience! Find me at t-mfrs.com --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Aug 1, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Punk Rock Saved My Life
Punk Rock Saved My Life. Original assertion? Nope. #frankturner Punk is the trauma genre, drawing misfits and unwanted outsiders together to create their own community. And they don't have time for yer basic shit.
Fact is, if I hadn't become a punk, I probably would have followed in my family footsteps. Without this community, lord knows I wouldn't have escaped my circumstances; abuse, addiction, poverty, and rural-shittery.
Wanna check out the musics? Find the Spotify playlist! Search Traumatized Motherfuckers and follow the skulls. Wanna tell me I'm missing something? Get in touch at t-mfrs.com
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jul 26, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Traumastates - Like remembering a fever nightmare
Looking back on those days of trauma-responses and utter misery... sometimes feels more like trying to remember a fever nightmare, rather than recalling the past.
---
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jul 25, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Emotional roller coasters | The rise is relative to the fall
Anyone else have big emotions that shift faster than the wind? One moment I'm floating, the next I'm fucking sinking. External circumstances don't even have to wreck this ship; I have an explosive boiler room powering this ocean liner. With spiraling thoughts, fear-based perception, and a general ignorance of what "doing well" even means... it's hard to keep positive emotions stable or properly name your mental state. Everything is relative, and compared to others, I'm relatively-great at being miserable.
You too? Sorry dude. Come hang at t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com if you want to find similar scales. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jul 21, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: “I’m doing fine,” and other human lies
Revisiting an old post, from May 2020.
Tired of painting on a happy face? We all are. For better or for worse, we have all been programmed to keep our heads down and project utter bliss, or at least sufficient satisfaction, to the entire planet. This only equips us with the universal expectation that everyone is actually fine, and we should be too.
If you're tired of being "fine," you know where to find other Fuckers. Join up at www.t-mfrs.com --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jul 21, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: "I can't" | Too inferior to fail
Always waiting for something to change before you can? Convinced that the obstacle is too large - and uncomfortable - to start climbing? Yeah, me too. But rest assured, no one knows what the fuck they're doing. The inferiority fear and resistance is more than half the battle. Get moving and figure it out as you go, Motherfucker.
Find me at t-mfrs.com --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jul 17, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: The masks we wear | Hiding mental illness
Sound quality warning! Get ready for some birds and bees.
When you can't talk about your experiences and subsequent mental illness... you hide it. I spent my life trying to patch the holes with all sorts of disguise; fading into the background, embodying a subservient worker bee, coating my exhausted face with layers of paint. In hindsight, to pacify other people and fit into the "healthy herd."
Did it ever really work? Nah, motherfuckers. Nobody has ever called this walking war against self "healthy or happy-looking" until I actually got a grip on positive living. And that was like... right now.
Sorry for the nature-sounds; trying a new walk and talk format. Hope you enjoy ambient bird calls and bugs screaming. If you don't... shout it out. traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com
--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
Jul 8, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Trauma Loops pt II: Stagnancy, terrible relationships, and self-abuse
Last time we talked Endless Trauma Loops pt I, I recounted the disappointing discovery that I've been living the same trauma-born mistakes for the past 10 years on repeat. I was both so smart - and clearly so fucking dense - to get stuck in the same life-halting traps for a decade. So, what are those repeat mishaps?
Stagnancy and overdrive, tough relationships, anxious attachments, health-obsession and abuse, escapism, and an undercurrent of giving up on myself, to name a few... Sounds familiar? Eek, sorry Fucker.
But also, while I was too dumb to stop making the same choices in different costumes on repeat, at least I had SOME idea of the right ways to get out of it. There are also positive notes of gratitude, confidence, optimism, and narrative thinking, for short-lived times.
If I want to break the loops, I just have to make sure that my trauma brain doesn't push these ways of thinking to the back of the line again. I got it this time - hopefully. How bout you?
If you've got s…
playlist_add
Jul 5, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Leveraging Anger in the war of Complex Trauma Recovery
Anger has a bad rap. No, we don't need more angst or outrage in this world... but when your emotions are limited by anxiety, overwhelm, and triggers, a Motherfucker only has so many options. "Finding Peace," and, "Believing in Bright Sides," aren't going to be on that list.
This is how indigence can be a useful tool to kickstart a trauma recovery journey. Git mad, git proactive, and prove that all those fuckers who held you back back before won't hold you down forever.
By the way, I wrongly credit this idea with some flip-flopped words. For more learning, you should check Pete Walker's "Complex Trauma; From Thriving to Surviving." (Not the opposite. Note to self: Mind your mush mouth, MF.)
Like my new music intro/outro? Yeah, we'll see how long it takes that cease and desist letter to arrive. Looking for community support of your pissy attitude? We're pretty positive these days, but we'll call your shit right out. Check it at t-mfrs.com/join. Sign up for the Discord group and ge…
playlist_add
Jul 1, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Fear and Helplessness | There is no merit in worrying
It's a marathon episode of back-to-back blog posts, motherfucker! Talking about the mindset of fear and helplessness running the show of your life. What's stopping you from doing things you know you should? Probably yourself.
For me, life gets stunted on repeat by runaway catastrophic thinking and sense of pending doom that fills my traumatized brain. How can you get started on anything when you're convinced it's going to be disastrous or deadly? Ya fucking can't. Where do these victimized assumptions come from and how to get steppin.
Then, the merit of worrying must die. Discussing the major problem with always being "10 steps ahead." How did this MF transition from an agoraphobe who was anxiety-attack-level-terrified of driving to packing up and doing that shit errday, across thousands of miles? Well... the answer may be insulting. "Think less, do more." How?
Wanna read the blogs? Find them and a whole lot of other trauma living articles at www.t-mfrs.com. While you're there... Su…
playlist_add
Jul 1, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Live | Shaking off shitty behaviors and getting trauma on track
A wild update 'cast from adventures in trauma; off the cuff and sharing a busy week of learning & developments. PLUS - A fellow trauma traveler from across the globe reaches out! Sharing the goosebump-raising voice message sent from an amazing New Zealander, now proud to call herself a Motherfucker. A gift I accept with so much gratitude, and oh, her beautiful accent.
This week... your motherfucker's actually keeping the trauma terrors at bay. Why? Because I'm finally not acting like an asshole to myself. Turns out, when you calm down, do the things that you know support your trauma recovery mindset, and stop indulging in your shitty habits, everything can change pretty quickly. PSA: consume the right information, keep up with your mental health management practices, and watch your perspective change your world.
Also, talking about all the exciting and unexpected shifts happening! Holy MF! The pressure of people actually caring, the universe shifting away from shitting on my everyday…
playlist_add
Jun 24, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Endless Trauma Loops | Why do they happen and how to forgive mistakes on repeat
For the past 2 years, I've had major epiphany moments about my trauma journey and recovery .I've made enormous progress in changing my mindset and behaviors to change my life - working towards building one I actually want, instead of one shaped by trauma.
And then... I found an old journal that effectively demonstrates that I've known this information all along. Since, you know, a decade ago. I've had all the answers, I've known the right steps to take, and I've relived the same trauma patterns over and over again. What the fuck, self? What have you been doing? Loving this life of misery so much you couldn't give it up?
Today, I'm talking endless trauma loops. Where do they come from? What's up with this trauma programming, inner critic, and fucked up core belief system? How does history repeat itself without being noticed? And how can we break these patterns before another decade flies by?
Plus... how to forgive ourselves for mistakes on repeat. Thanks, Universe.
If you've got…
playlist_add
Jun 24, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Complex Trauma and insecure attachments. Why romantic relationships wreck my world
I'm not proud to admit, I have bad relationships. I get obsessive and anxious. I fall into unhealthy patterns with unhealthy people. And I let them destroy my life from the inside out.
Part of this pattern is due to insecure attachments and trauma brain. The other part? My love for equally damaged animals. I'm a sucker for "helping" people at the cost of helping myself. I'm drawn to people with problems. I'm skilled at orienting my life around someone else's. I'm great at being a little helper and telling myself that's all I'm good for. Thanks, trauma!
It's easy to beat myself up, to feel like a "dumb girl," or to chide myself for being an emotional martyr... but the fact is, I never learned about healthy relationships. I have good intentions, but I can easily care too much for people who don't even care about themselves. And every time, I get blown off-course from wherever I was headed with my own life and mental health recovery. How about you?
Wanna chat daily? Pop over to t-mfr…
playlist_add
Jun 10, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Visiting home and trauma journey backslides
For months I’ve been great (you know, relatively speaking for a Traumatized MF). I’ve been focused, uber productive, healthy, and happy, locked inside my room in Atlanta..... and then I came home to Illinois. Triggers: everywhere. Trauma mindset: ACTIVATED. I’ve been a fucking anxious, fearful, defeated mess, our of nowhere - and I can’t help but wonder.... How can such a high high be immediately followed by a descent to trauma lows? Will I pull this shit back together, or is this another slip backwards on my long trauma trek? Guess we’ll find out in this OFF THE CUFF discussion of recent life challenges.
If you're into the message, come hang out! Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com. Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters across the web. Let's rap about really living with Trauma. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/messag…
playlist_add
May 21, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: Intro to my C-PSTD
Listen up! It's THE FIRST blog post I made (and kept) for Traumatized Motherfuckers... read in audiobook style for your easy consumption. Get to know my inner shit from a difficult early life, and see if it sounds a lot like yours. At the end of the day, we’re just Traumatized Motherfuckers (AKA trauma warriors leveraging our pasts to help ourselves in the future).
If you're into the message, come hang out! Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com. Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters across the web. Let's rap about really living with Trauma. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add
May 18, 2020
Early Days Rerelease: I am the Traumatized Motherfucker
I’ve been too chicken shit to follow through with creating a podcast for the past year. The brutal voice in my head gave a million reasons not to. But Traumatized Motherfuckers don’t let fear determine their lives anymore. And I am the OG TMF. This is my Complex Trauma project, and I hope it can help - first, I just have to take the motherfucking steps. Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com! Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters. Let's rap. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message
playlist_add