The Dangers of Black and White Thinking
Play • 9 min

Black and white thinking is a tendency to think in extremes. While it's normal from time to time, developing a pattern of dichotomous thinking can interfere with your health, relationships, and career.

In today's episode, I discuss the danger of thinking in black and white and the origins of this way of thinking. 

If you are looking to recover from narcissistic abuse and would like to work with me individually, please feel free to reach out for a free 15-minute consultation.

(252) 696-4852

yitz@psychologicalhealingcenter.com

More on the Mind Map Therapy System can be seen here.

The newly released Mind Map Video Series to recovery from Narcissistic Abuse is available and can be seen on the Psychological Healing Center website.

Yitz Epstein, Life Coach

Psychological Healing Center

The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast
The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Denial and Delusion - Constant Companions of the High Level Narcissist
Denial is a powerful defense mechanism that the high level narcissist uses to create his/her reality. Cruel, cunning, plotting, scheming, the high level believes that he is a person of fine character. The high level narcissist denies the truth about his/her true nature. When the narcissist falters in his personal and professional obligations, he adroitly blames others, especially those close to him for negative outcomes. The high level is never wrong. His false self is giddy, riding on the irrational waves of denial. The high level narcissist's delusional sense of self is created out of an over the top inflated ego. Obsessed with creating and maintaining a perfect image, the high level narcissist pursues the perfection of the external self: personal appearance, extravagant lifestyles, luxurious homes. Pompous, grandiose, the high level narcissist is convinced that he is intrinsically superior to others and therefore entitled to control them. Those who don't meet his outrageous demands and standards of value are treated with scorn and disdain. You are the opposite of the high level narcissist. You seek the evolution of the original self with indispensable qualities: independence of thinking, taking initiative, recognizing one's mistakes, learning the lessons and moving forward along your own pathways of evolution, exploration and enjoyment of your unique creative gifts, intuitive insights, wisdom of the body/mind, development of the spiritual self as you define this. https://tinyurl.com/y39j2uke www.mhnrnetwork.com https://tinyurl.com/y3ss5clg
6 min
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony, CPCC
DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Financial Abuse with Lili Vasileff
Financial abuse is the exertion of power, control, and manipulation to the detriment of a person. This form of abuse negatively impacts a person in a number of ways. Here’s the thing, many women become financially disempowered after marriage and experience financial abuse in silence. So, this week, during the Divorce Survival Guide series on abuse, we are exploring the topic of financial abuse. My special guest is Lili Vasileff. She is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®). In this episode we explore what financial abuse looks like, the complexities involved, and red flags to watch for. And yes, while this is a conversation about financial abuse, it is also one about financial empowerment too. Join me next week when we explore how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app. Show Highlights * The difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse. (4:52) * Financial abuse explained. Did you know that one in three victims of financial abuse don't even recognize it for what it is? (8:12) * Is financial abuse common? Lili shares. Plus, some ways it may show up in a relationship. (9:46) * Steps to take to ensure financial security at the beginning of a relationship. (18:38) * You want to get divorced but have been abused, controlled, and manipulated. Lili offers some ways to get out of this type of situation and find financial freedom. (22:41) * There are organizations willing to teach, help, and support women to get back into a career, to learn how to budget, learn how to invest, and go through a divorce. (26:44) * Some red flags and characteristics of a financial abuser. (35:26) Learn More About Lili: Lili A. Vasileff is a fee-only Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®), and President of Wealth Protection Management based in Greenwich, CT. She is a trained mediator, collaborative financial specialist, and qualified litigation expert. She trains divorce professionals in the Collaborative process and presents on financial topics regularly at the New York City Bar Association. She is a nationally recognized expert practitioner, speaker, writer, and author of three books: “Money & Divorce: The Essential Roadmap to Mastering Financial Decisions” published by the American Bar Association; and “The Ultimate Divorce Organizer, The Complete Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial and Personal Divorce”, and “The Divorce Planner Checklist”. Lili is the co-president of the National Association of Divorce Financial Planners (ADFP). Her awards include the prestigious 2013 Pioneering Award for outstanding public advocacy and leadership in the field of divorce financial planning, the Women’s Choice Award as a highly recommended Financial Advisor by Women for Women; CEO Today 2018 Business Woman of the Year Award; Five Star Wealth Manager Award for last 12 years, the Best Wealth Protection Manager 2019 - Northeast USA and Recognized Leader in Divorce Finance 2019 by Wealth & Money Management, and Marquis Who’s Who Albert Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award. Her website is www.wealthprotectionmanagement.com. Resources & Links: Lili’s website Lili on Twitter Lili on LinkedIn Lili on Instagram Lili on Facebook Lili on YouTube DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Domestic Violence with Leslie Morgan Steiner DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Emotional Abuse with Beverly Engel Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group The Thrive Fund JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP
48 min
The Adult Chair
The Adult Chair
Michelle Chalfant
251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant
Everyone wants connection — we’re hardwired for it as humans! But we can only connect as deeply with others as we’ve connected with ourselves. Strong relationships start by going within, feeling our emotions and being willing to open up and share with our partners. On this week’s podcast, I have a very, very special guest...my husband! We’re talking with you today together and sharing some very personal details about our marriage and how feeling emotions has changed our relationship for the better. Graham comes from a background where emotions weren’t expressed, and I come from an Italian family that was very expressive. For so many years, we both saw the other as not emotional enough or too emotional. Learning to feel, honor and share our emotions has deepened our connection so much and been so transformational for us. In this episode, Graham shares what helped him learn to process his emotions, how that’s changed his response to different situations and the changes we’ve both seen in our relationship. Listen to discover: * How relationships can help us overcome childhood issues when we approach them with consciousness * The importance of raw, open communication in a relationship * Somatic processing and the power of feeling emotions in the body * Navigating anger and stress in a relationship * How feeling emotions deepens intimacy (both emotional and physical) By the way, Graham did all of this work on his own (no bonus points for having a spouse who is a therapist and coach!). Which means YOU can do this too! We’re all born with the ability to feel our emotions, but we have to tune in with intention instead of running away from them. When we do, we’ll find they stop coming out sideways and are instead an invitation into deeper connection with others. “When we engage in a relationship with another human being, our childhood issues are going to rear up. That person is here to help us work through those childhood issues.” - Michelle Chalfant “Once our youngest child left the house, then it all slowed down and it became more apparent to me that I needed to figure out this ‘feeling’ thing.” - Graham Chalfant “I learned I could just sit with it and in 30 seconds, that heaviness would literally melt away.” - Graham Chalfant “Everybody has the ability to feel emotions. At some point along our life journey, we turn them off and turn them down.” - Michelle Chalfant “When you feel an emotion without building a story around it, the emotion goes through you in 90 seconds.” - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #42: Inviting Your Relationship into The Adult Chair with Michelle and Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/42-inviting-your-relationship-into-the-adult-chair-with-michelle-and-graham-chalfant/ Episode #49: Am I Fraud? Imposter Syndrome & You! https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/49-am-i-a-fraud-imposter-syndrome-you/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart The Adult Chair Workshop - Charleston New Dates: September 16-18, 2021 https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously “TAC Gatherings”) Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com
57 min
The Marriage Podcast for Smart People
The Marriage Podcast for Smart People
Caleb & Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele
Why Is My Spouse So Controlling?
There’s a level of control that occurs in relatively few marriages that we would see as part of an abusive power and control dynamic. But then there’s a lower level of control that doesn’t come from an abusive spouse that can still be frustrating and lead to conflict in the marriage. We’ve talked about the abusive kind of control before, so if you want to learn more about that kind of control feel free to go back to our previous episodes of the podcast to learn more about what that looks like.  Today, we’re talking about the annoying kind of controlling. This is not so much about the spouse’s power and dominance as the controlling spouse’s worry, fear, anxiety, and maybe even mental health issues that are driving this behavior. And sometimes the non-controlling spouse may also be acting in ways that prompt this behavior. If you’re listening to this to try to figure out your spouse, you may ask yourself what your role might be and how might you help your spouse feel less of a need to be in control. Where Control Issues Come From 1. Fear Control issues are often rooted in fear. This is the first place to look. If you’re afraid and you want to make it safer, you’re going to want to control the variables. This is quite a common response to fear. Fear can come from a number of different places. One place fear can come from is trauma. When something very frightening or overwhelming happens, it may cause a person to install certain requirements or demands in order to preserve safety. For example, you’ve been in a late night car accident, and you now want to control all of the family travel so that there’s no late-night travel going on and no one is allowed to go out after dark. So now you’ve become “controlling.” You’ve installed requirements or demands on others in order to preserve your sense of safety and well-being, to stop the horror from repeating itself. Another source of control is abandonment (fear of being left alone). If you were left alone at some point as a child or at a point in your marriage, that may result in the kind of controlling behavior where you don’t let your spouse do things on their own or do certain things on their own. You always have to be there, or you always have to do things together. 2. Betrayal Betrayal may also lead to controlling relationships with certain kinds of people in order to prevent re-betrayal. For example, if in your first marriage you were sexually betrayed by your spouse, in your second marriage you may marry a faithful person, but you exert control on them to make sure that that previous betrayal doesn’t re-occur, much to the frustration of your current spouse. That can get difficult because it can cause such distress in your marriage that there’s an emotional separation, or drifting apart that occurs between you. Thus, controlling behavior can lead to further dysfunction.  In another scenario, if you’re a late teenager and you saw your father gamble away your family’s savings and eventually lose the home, job, etc., that’s a major financial betrayal. And later in life when you are a mom you may think you’re a super budgeter, but there’s actually a ton of control over where every penny goes. So, in this situation if the husband buys a chocolate bar and the wife gets upset and he may get frustrated and say “can I not even buy a chocolate bar without asking your permission?” This is clearly a higher level of control than just a healthy budgeting habit. 3. Mental Health Issues Now that we’ve talked about a few fear-related causes of control, we’re going to move on to look at mental health. Some mental health issues can cause controlling behavior. Take personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Someone with BPD may say if you leave, I’ll hurt myself, or I might not be ok somehow (there’s a clinging aspect of BPD that does relate to fear of abandonment, but it is also a mental health condition and the fear piece is a part of...
23 min
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
How Hijackals Hook You Into Toxic Relationships
Hijackals create toxic relationships, and it's important to see the patterns, traits, cycles, and behaviors clearly. That's not easy, but it is necessary.  If you've been with a Hijackal or other toxic person for long, you may feel as though you suffer from brain fog. You can't think straight and you're too exhausted to do so anyway. Gain perspective about your situation and best next steps to consider in this episode. Hijackals are those relentlessly difficult, toxic people who seem so perfect for you in the beginning, and eventually fade into mean, thoughtless, self-centered ones later in the relationship. That later can be two days after you marry or move in, or even fade slowly over a couple of years. But, fade it will. Then, what do you do. By the time you've been with a Hijackal for awhile, you may be exhausted from the constant put-downs, from being torn down and worn down. Hijackal count on that. You have to find your legs and stand up for yourself in very specific, non-confrontational ways. One of those ways is my Personal Weather Report. In the episode, I mentioned some videos I've made on it on my YouTube channel. While you're watching these, be sure to subscribe and click the Bell so that you'll know each time I add a video. Here are ones that relate to the Personal Weather Report: https://youtu.be/qD1pNMujj0k https://youtu.be/mFCZohqaFMM https://youtu.be/0p-K2vKfRhA You will also find all the details of how to give and receive a Personal Weather Report in my book, Kaizen for Couples. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: * How a Hijackal hooks you * Why Hijackals are in a rush to "get" you * Knowing how to recognize the Hijackal patterns, traits, cycles, and behaviors * The essential step of stopping enabling the Hijackal to behave badly * My definition of assertiveness and why it's effective * Practicing the PWR Being with a Hijackal in a supposedly romantic relationship can be huge disappointment on many levels. Get unhooked as soon as you can from their manipulations, and reclaim yourself now. Big hugs! Rhoberta Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again. FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER... WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp ------------------------------------------------------------- I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT! If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships, join my Support Circle now. Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Saturday Support Calls with me. WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Support Circle. Save $24 on your first three months. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- #hookedonhope #stopenabling #gettingoutofatoxicrelationship #amiinatoxicrelationship #seetoxicpeopleclearly #emotionallyhooked #stopcaringwhatatoxicpersonthinks #findyourvoice #beassertive #personalweatherreport #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest  Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
33 min
Sex, Love, and Addiction
Sex, Love, and Addiction
Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW
BONUS: Q&A with Rob & Tami - Can Betrayed Spouses be Addicts Too?
Rob and Tami talk about codependency and why the term actually shames betrayed partners, not supports them. They also dive into some of the misconceptions people have about the partners of addicts. In this week’s episode, they share how you can find a therapist that understands you and what you’re going through, and doesn’t shame you. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is it a good sign my addict is apologizing or is this a manipulation tactic? [2:15] Dr. Rob, are you offering partner meetings? [3:50] Can codependency delay the addict’s recovery? [8:00] Your partner stays with you because they love you! Not because they love your addictions! [9:10] I can’t find a CSAT in my area. What should I do? [12:50] My therapist told me I am addicted to my sex-addicted partner. Can betrayed spouses be addicts too? [17:35] What have been some of the biggest changes Dr. Rob sees from the people leaving his treatment center? [21:25] When addicts go through treatment and realize the damage they’ve caused, they become afraid that their spouses will leave them. [24:45] I am struggling to understand addiction. Why do people do it? [29:30] Do addicts have moments of clarity? RESOURCES: Seekingintegrity.com Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Intherooms.com Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating Book by Robert Weiss Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss QUOTES * “The partner that’s just been trying to hold things together is just being blamed (for being codependent).” * “The word codependency has brought a world of harm onto women for many, many years. It mirrors our history of shaming caregivers.” * “There’s a lot of negativity assigned to the spouse for being in this situation with your partner, who is addicted. We love who we love and we stick by who we stick by.” * “One of our jobs is that nobody goes out there and does it again without understanding how it’s going to affect the people they love and themselves.”
35 min
It Starts With Attraction
It Starts With Attraction
Kimberly Beam Holmes
Overcoming Trauma with Dr. Karol Darsa
*What is trauma? How can you overcome it?* Trauma comes in many different forms such as relational, emotional, societal, environmental, and more. Whether you have experienced trauma or not, it is important for all of us to understand. In this episode, Dr. Karol Darsa shares how to interact and show empathy with those who are struggling with traumatic experiences. If you  are trying to overcome trauma in your life or if you would like to understand trauma more, this episode is for you. Dr. Karol Darsa explains what trauma is, how to identify it, and how to heal from it. You do not want to miss today's episode. *Today’s Speaker - Dr. Karol Darsa* Dr. Darsa is a licensed psychologist, an author and founder of Reconnect. She has more than 20 years of clinical and administrative experience in trauma and mental health disorders. Dr. Darsa began her career in 1998 as a foster care social worker and continued her work with abused children and their families and adults abused as children.   In 2002, Dr. Darsa began studying with Christine Schenk, founder of the CHRIS-Technique, a unique energy work focused on teaching clients how to ground themselves in their bodies. Dr. Darsa has completed numerous evidence-based trainings in the treatment of trauma and mental health disorders, including Level III in Brainspotting, Level I and II trainings in EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy. With each advanced training, Dr. Darsa developed a deeper understanding of trauma processes and healing, and developed Reconnect Integrative Trauma Treatment Model which is an integration of evidence-based, cutting-edge trauma treatment models.   In 2012 Dr. Darsa became the co-creator of Invisible War Recovery, a program designed to treat military sexual trauma survivors. She has been interviewed by Katie Couric, Susan Ortolano, and Lisa Tahir, and was featured on the Voice of America. She lectures about trauma treatment at various universities such as the University of Southern California, UCLA and Cal Lutheran. She also speaks at treatment centers and conferences.   Dr. Darsa realized that what is often missing in trauma treatment is a finely attuned, gentle, body based process to help heal and reconnect mind and body when clients become disregulated due to traumatic events, developmental trauma, or emotional disorders. Reconnect Center embodies that philosophy in offering intensive one on one work to help truly heal each individual that comes through her doors.  A native of Turkey, Dr. Darsa has been living in the United States for 25 years. She has also lived in Spain, France and Brazil. Dr. Darsa’s exposure to numerous ethnic and social groups allows her to understand the cultural differences in human thought and behavior. She can provide therapy in English, Spanish, French and Turkish and is able to converse in Italian and Portuguese as well. *Website: *www.reconnectcenter.com *You’ll Learn* * The difference between stress and trauma * Tips to identify personal traumas * Key actionable items to heal from trauma * How to be a safe place for those dealing with trauma *It Starts With Attraction Ep. 047: **Overcoming Trauma **with Dr. Karol Darsa*
55 min
Search
Clear search
Close search
Google apps
Main menu