Father and the Wolves
B.T. Higgins
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Father and the Wolves: A guide to elevate fatherhood, fix families, and save the world!
Ep. 1: Introduction
This book is for fathers. Most of us aren’t doing a great job and the world has noticed. We’ve garnered a bad reputation. Did you know that as a dad, you have the power to build up your kids or crush them with a few words? That’s sobering! Fathers have a unique influence and sizable power to make the world a better place by investing time and energy into building stronger families.
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Jul 9, 2022
FW Ep 67 Welcome to the Brotherhood of Fathers
This book is for fathers. Most of us are not doing a great job and the world has noticed. We've garnered a bad reputation. Spend ten minutes around a group of wives and you are likely to hear a handful of criticisms about some guy's fathering skills.
Being a good father is not easy. It doesn't come naturally. Why should dads bother trying? Why are kids important? Why are fathers a necessary part of their lives? Why should we prioritize our kids over our hobbies and work? Is there some goal we are working toward with them or is parenting just haphazard and random? Wouldn't our kids be better off without us? Everyone knows that kids need their mom, but what about dad?
Fathers have a unique influence and sizable power to make the world a better place by investing time and energy into building stronger families. What would the world look like if dads stepped up to the challenge of fatherhood? What if they protected their kids from negative influencers instead of inviting them into the cave?
The world is in desperate need of good fathers. Father and The Wolves: A Guide to Elevate Fatherhood, Fix Families, and Save the World depicts a new kind of hero, one who takes up the spear and steps into the greatest work of his life.
Season one of this podcast ( episodes 1-66) is the serialized version of the book. Each short section is designed to stimulate conversation between fathers and sons and small groups of fathers. The content can also be very helpful for those men gearing up for fatherhood, perhaps as a study during the nine months of your baby's gestation. Whatever your stage of fatherhood, this book is for you.
After each brief section a handful of questions are posed to start the process of applying the ideas to real life. I encourage you to keep a notebook of your thoughts, actions steps, and results to help you apply these life-changing ideas better in the midst of busy schedules and short term attention spans.
You may start at episode one and take the entire journey, perhaps listening to one section each day during your daily commute. Or skip around by topic.
However you listen, I hope it will help you elevate fatherhood in your own lives, so that as we fix our families we can start to heal the brokenness in our neighborhoods, nation and world.
I appreciate your help in spreading this podcast to others by following or subscribing to the podcast. Leaving a five star review, and referring it to your friends and family. Thanks for giving this work legs. I couldn't do it without you.
Find the print version of Father and The Wolves at online retailers or request it from your local book store. This book makes an excellent gift for the men in your circle of influence. I appreciate those of you, that have found it helpful, and keep a couple copies on hand for those that need to hear the message that fatherhood is the most important work any man can do. We need to expand the brotherhood of fathers, you are making that happen.
Amazon link here: https://www.amazon.com/Father-Wolves-Elevate-Fatherhood-Families/dp/1088024246/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1646923414&sr=8-1
You can find B.T. Higgins at bthiggins.com or the e-mail contact bthigginsbooks@outlook.com
--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 9, 2022
FW Ep 66 The Father's Journey
We have covered some important ground in this small treatise on fatherhood. In many ways, the journey of a father is the same as that of the hero on a quest. The call to adventure. Supernatural aid. Crossing the threshold into the unknown. Temptations and challenges. Mentors. Helpers. Revelation. Rebirth. Transformation. Atonement. Returning home changed. The only difference is that fatherhood doesn’t feel heroic. It seems ordinary and common, but that is by no means true I hope this book has helped you to see fatherhood through a new set of lenses.
The Father’s path is a hero’s journey that every man is challenged to walk. Some men reject the call to adventure, declining to have children or refusing to embrace fatherhood. They pursue pleasure, polish plastic coins, or fail to take their responsibilities seriously. These men become old men, full of regret, having missed their opportunity for greatness. Other men are sidetracked by temptations and challenges, trading counterfeit treasures for a legacy. Some men buckle under the pressure of the many hardships that come with fatherhood. They abandon the quest and leave their families to suffer alone. These men are forever incomplete, empty shells of masculinity, without a greater purpose in life, without a cause to die for. Some men reject the revelation when it comes and never rise from the trials having embraced wisdom. Refusing to transform into a better version of themselves, they do not return home with the elixir. Still others, refuse to confront the monsters within themselves and live to see themselves become the wolf in their own kids’ lives. This is the most tragic end of many fathers. But some fathers will answer the call to adventure, battle through the temptations and trials, be reborn in the crucible of battle, receive the revelation, and be forever transformed into a better version of the man they once were. This kind of father/hero lives to love, protect, prepare, and launch his kids, to equip them to thrive in a dangerous world. He returns from his journey and witnesses the good generational fruit of his labor evident in his children’s children. This father finishes his journey with honor, contentment, and a secure legacy.
Which man will you be? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 9, 2022
FW Ep 65 The Hundred Year Plan
I recently listened to a podcast where the hosts were debating how to save the world from man-made catastrophic climate change. They questioned whether one person could make any difference or whether the world could only be saved by global action? These apprehensive individuals believed, with extreme religious zeal, that the world was going to spiral into disaster if something, anything, and everything weren’t done. I won’t debate the merits of their arguments here. That is a subject for a different book. But, one of the hosts made a statement so outrageous that it lodged in my memory.
They were discussing how an individual might interrupt and change every aspect of their life to protect the earth. One of their personal actions steps was to choose not to have children. Their logic went something like, “People are destroying the earth. Reducing the population will reduce the damage to the planet. It is environmentally wrong to have children. Therefore, if I do not have children, I will be doing my part in saving the world. I am noble and good because of this.”
One host condemned the other, in humor, for having already failed in this. Paraphrasing here, “You already have two kids. It’s too late for you, but I am not having kids. I’m still environmentally pure.” To my shock the other host replied with a guilty tone of voice, “I know. I’m sorry,” as if he had sinned and fallen short.
How could anyone believe this? I could not fathom the brainwashing needed to view your own children this way. And then, I realized that this is our GIANT DOOR OF OPPORTUNITY! The differences in reproduction rates between people groups are a powerful force through time. Having the advantage of just one more offspring per family can transform a small minority into the majority in a hundred years. Do you have any idea how powerful this tool could be?
Let’s look at how a higher birth rate over time can change the culture. In fact, it is the only way to restore freedom to a land that has forgotten its roots. We must raise freedom and truth-lovers, so they can raise freedom and truth-lovers. It’s just math. Consider the following doubling principle. Two parents have four kids. That is replacement plus two. Each of those kids grows up, marries, and has four kids. That’s sixteen grandkids. At the same reproduction rate, those sixteen grandkids lead to sixty-four great-grandchildren. If we can pass on our values well, we can change the course of our world in a hundred years.
Unfortunately, it is not as easy as the math indicates. Good values are always just one generation from being lost, for every child and grandchild must choose to embrace the cause of freedom and truth for themselves. That doesn’t happen as automatically as parents would like. But even if reality isn’t as optimistic as my math, we can still change the course of our culture. There are a lot more of us than it appears. I believe it would not take long to turn the tide if we, fathers, take a stand for our families and embrace these principles.
Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.
Psalm 127:3-5 NIV --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 9, 2022
FW Ep 64 Dead Sea Scrolls
In times where wrong is declared right, the principles of this book will be ridiculed, if they are acknowledged at all. They may be discounted or distorted. Our culture has removed the trustworthy bedrock of truth and replaced it with shifting sand. We can expect great trouble in the future as a result. That is why this book is so important. No matter what the culture-as-a-whole does, each of us can build our families on the foundations of Biblical principles.
If the whole world disagrees, so be it. Two plus two still equals four. In the course of these chapters, I have leaned heavily on the wisdom of Scripture because it is trustworthy and true. Today, this is considered radical or peculiar by our culture. How strange this seems to me. Only a generation ago the Bible would have been considered, “plain-old common sense.” Two generations ago, it would have been seen as, “The wisdom of the ages.” Before that, “God’s Holy Word.” We have traveled so far from any semblance of moral high ground. Now our culture is building skyscrapers on shifting sand.
We are all that remains of those that love truth. We must preserve it so it is not lost. We can be the counter-cultural movement in these relativistic times. Each family is like a safe house on a network leading to freedom, in the vein of the Underground Railroad in the nineteenth century before the Emancipation Proclamation. Let us wage a values revolution in our families. Restore the truth to our homes, preserve the truth through hard times, and spread the knowledge of the truth through our children. By raising our kids according to the principles in this book, we will disrupt the plans of the world. Even if it is just within our four walls, that is enough.
We must preserve what is important in the hearts of our children, so it will not be lost. Just as the Bible was preserved in the dry caves at the Dead Sea so it could survive the persecution of that time, let us safeguard these transformational truths for future generations. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 9, 2022
FW Ep 63 Values Revolution
When the United States government took silver out of the coins in 1965, the dimes with silver were sifted out of circulation by citizens who recognized that not all dimes were created equal anymore. The value of the dime now depended on what it was made from, not the number stamped on its face. A 1962 dime might look identical to one in 2021, but they are not the same. The silver in one makes it intrinsically more valuable, but the modern ten-cent piece loses around 2-5% of its value every year as the government devalues our currency. Its value bleeds away, year after year. At the time of this writing, one of those silver dimes is worth $1.56, based on the spot price of silver bullion. That is not a great fortune, but it is a great illustration for our families.
What is your family made of? Biblical values are akin to the silver in the old dimes. They have intrinsic value and strength that lasts. If you allow the government, big business, and the secular culture to lead, your family will devalue at the same rate as the society you live in. Currently, our nation is abandoning truth and reason at a break-neck pace. If they are influencing your family, you may expect your family to deteriorate along with them. This is unacceptable to me. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 8, 2022
FW Ep 62 These Times
In normal times, this book would be necessary and important. Good fathers are always needed, whether times are good or evil. In our current time, this book is revolutionary. The forces of government, big business, mainstream culture, and popular opinion are aligned against the Biblical principles that I have outlined in part one of this book. By taking up the mantle of fatherhood in these times, you are taking on an army of opposition, putting your body between them and your kids. It’s no small task, but it is crucial. Only you can do it.
We live in a time of weak men. As I write, my word choice offends even my sensibility. I don’t want to be thought of as weak. Being labeled such stabs at the core of my self-image and identity, but it must be said. Men in our time have grown weak in principles, passive in their decision-making, afraid of work and risk, greedy to control others, and ruled by their lusts. They have traded maturity, healthy masculinity, and character for various dopamine addictions. They have abdicated their responsibilities and, as a result, have remained children in adult bodies. Men wander through life, lacking purpose and focus. They languish in mediocrity because they serve themselves and find that unsatisfying. Men today have no cause to give their life for, no higher calling to channel all that masculine energy into. As a direct result, our families are suffering from severe degradation. The sickness within families ripples out to the neighborhoods and cities where we live. Social rot weakens every aspect of society. As the family goes, so goes the culture and the nation. We have done this. The blame rests squarely on our shoulders.
Many years ago, I was teaching a group of sixth-grade boys with special needs. In the health lesson, we were learning about puberty and growing up. I tried to communicate that growing into a man was important, special, and unique. “There is just something special and important about being a man,” I said, wanting them to get the idea that growing up was an exciting thing. One of the teacher aides interrupted me with a rude comment. “Don’t get them started with that. The last thing we need is more male chauvinists!”
I was taken aback that she thought I was encouraging the boys to grow up and become jerks. I listed several good, masculine traits that I was referring to and the lady crossed her arms and dismissed me. It seemed that m-a-n spelled a bad word and I had accidentally said it aloud in the classroom. I have never been able to forget her response. It angers me, even a decade later. Not that she felt so negatively about men, but that the men in her life had so failed to live up to the standards of true masculinity that she considered man and chauvinist to be synonymous.
This negative opinion of men is not an isolated example. It is a tragedy. We must change this. When men act badly real people are hurt, bearing those emotional scars for life. Men should not be a source of injury. We should be a source of strength to our families. Immature, bad-tempered, and selfish men can become a terror in the household. Nothing that I have advocated for will be possible if the man does not first take stock of his past behavior and cease his destructive habits. Pause here and take an inventory of yourself. Though it might be painful to do so, look your past in the face and confront it.
Write down a list of the behaviors that you must arrest to protect your family from yourself. I’m serious! The uncontrolled man is a great danger to his family, a snarling wolf inside the cave. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 8, 2022
FW Ep 61 Oasis
Where do our kids spend the most time during their formative years? Daycare and public school? In front of TV and video game screens? Surrounded by friends with moral standards that conflict with ours? What if we shouted, “Not to MY KIDS,” and refused to offer our kids up to the influences of the world. What if we provided an oasis in the moral desert for our kids to grow in, not to pretend the desert doesn’t exist. Not to cloister ourselves away forever, but to allow our kids to spend their foundational years in the cradle of civilization, the family. Instead of being inundated with the patterns and influences of the desert from birth, they could grow in safety and learn how to be healthy, strong, and confident adults.
How would that one intervention change the outcome of their lives? Imagine it. Kids who live in the desert tend to become children of the desert. Oasis kids, protected from desert influences, tend to take on the values of the parents and become oasis adults. The oasis would expand and flourish in the next generation. And the next. Over time, the fertile oasis would water the desert and reclaim it. Our kids could create a fertile valley, and their kids could create a flourishing continent.
For too long, parents have let other people raise their kids. Their kids reject oasis-thinking because they are taught to love the desert. Why don’t we stand up? Usually, the reason is simple. It’s easier not to. We trade too much for cheap convenience. This is a tragedy of our own making. What if we all woke up today, drew a line in the sand, and shouted, “Not to MY KIDS! Not anymore.” If we all did that, we could water the world! That is a green agenda I can get on board with. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 8, 2022
FW Ep 60 The Search For Security
Safety, security, and stability are the most important life goals for many people. My wife is no exception to this rule. The good/bad circuit breaker in her head, by which my life becomes tolerable or miserable, is flipped by these three factors more than anything else. She craves normalcy and control. She hates risk and uncertainty. While this doesn’t mesh well with my personality in general, I understand why they are important to her. As her husband, I am in a unique position to meet these needs for my wife. The more I can provide safety, security, and stability, the better she can cope with the other aspects of life. That’s the main reason she married me, I think. That and kids. So, I do my best to be dependable.
When life becomes unpredictable, as it is prone to do, I must be the one she can lean on. I must be her gravitational constant. That is a lot of pressure sometimes, but it is something only I can do for her. I provide consistency in the home so she can flourish. From her health, the family can thrive. The aforementioned kids. They need the same thing from me that my wife needs, a stable home. It is worthwhile work to provide this for them, even if it means I must forgo personal prerogatives.
The desire to nurture life is usually more innate in women. It gives them an advantage when it comes to parenting. By the time they’ve carried the babe for nine months, mothers are often so fiercely bonded with their child that the trials of motherhood are balanced by a great affinity. They trade their comfort, sleep, and lifestyle for the crying and pooping machine they birthed. Many women instinctively lean into having children.
It is not usually the same for men. Many men do not naturally crave fatherhood, at least in my experience. More often than not a man must calculate the value of becoming a dad and choose to embrace it. He will be happier for doing so, but it is a matter of willpower and sacrificial choices. Most men do not easily commit themselves to fatherhood. They prioritize other things that are more appealing at the moment. Our nation’s families suffer and crumble in a drought of intentional fathers. I hope this book can spark some men to move back toward their families. I hope it motivates you.
Men are well-designed to provide safety, security, and stability to their families. What would this nation look like if men began to serve and sacrifice for their families? Would wives and kids feel more secure? Would voters keep begging the government to step into the vacuum left by absent fathers? No, I believe that if men were doing their jobs, government officials would offer, “I’ve got a new program that is guaranteed to protect you and your family from XYZ,” and the women voters would reply, “No thanks, I’ve got a good man. We don’t need you.” Big government thrives on citizens who value a false sense of security over basic freedom. Unstable and fatherless homes create a dearth of safety, security, and stability. When men don’t do their job, people seek security elsewhere. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 6, 2022
FW Ep 59 Statistics
In South Africa, a group of teenage elephants was displaying extreme violence and causing a lot of trouble. They killed around fifty rhinos at Pilanesberg National Park. It turned out their immature bodies were not capable of controlling their spiking testosterone when they went into musth, a state of heightened hormone levels that causes mating readiness and aggressive behavior. When the managers of the park decided to import six mature bull elephants, the problems immediately stopped. Why did this work? In the wild, the aggression of young males is controlled by the presence of mature bull elephants in the area. An interaction with a bigger bull causes younger males to immediately drop out of musth because they cannot compete. When the young males’ hormone levels dropped back to normal, their aggression ceased. It’s a great illustration of the importance of fathers in our society.
The presence of fathers in the home reduces many negative behaviors in teenagers. Crime, poverty, and achievement statistics demonstrate a stark difference between fatherless households and homes where fathers are present. Kids need to have a model of healthy masculinity in the house. It changes their behavior for the better, making a huge difference in their life trajectory. In this book, I advocate for more than just being present. Fathers should be engaged in protecting and preparing their children for life. The positive influence of the father determines where the budding energy of the kids will be channeled. Will they apply themselves to self-improvement or flounder for a decade or two? The father’s influence can determine this. Will they be secure in who they are? The father’s instruction makes the difference.
What if our culture elevated the importance of fatherhood and every man embraced his responsibilities? Would that have a measurable effect on the nation’s crime, poverty, and achievement statistics? I contend that nothing could do more for the current state of our nation than fathers engaging with their children. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 5, 2022
FW Ep 58 What If?
As a novelist, one of my favorite things to do is ask myself “what if” questions. What if a box of tissues could wipe away your worries? What if a keyboard could transport me through time? What if drawing a thing made it happen? Almost every “what if” I imagine can be built into an interesting story. I love it. This is a very different type of book, but would you indulge my asking the same question?
What if we elevated fatherhood in the culture? What if we protected our children from the wolves? What if we dedicated ourselves to preparing our kids to thrive in life? What if we embraced a biblical framework? What if this idea became a movement that spread through our nation? How would it affect the world?
--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/benjamin-higgins4/support
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Jul 5, 2022
FW Ep 57 Set Your Goals
Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.
Psalm 127:1 NIV
Make a list of the things you want your kids to know by the time they are 18 years old.
It may feel overwhelming to implement a list like this. You might feel like it is too much to accomplish, especially if you are starting late. My advice is to choose one item on your list and just start. Rotate through them every week and find teachable moments throughout the week to reinforce each idea. Understand that each of the items on your list is a long-term project. Just like teaching math, you have to start simple and build from there. Counting before adding. Subtraction before multiplication and division. If you keep at it, you will be surprised how quickly the concepts build.
I introduce each idea as soon as my kids are ready. It becomes natural to discuss why we do what we do. Real life has an endless string of inflection points where ch…
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Jul 4, 2022
FW Ep 56 Initiative
If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
James 4:17 NIV
One of the greatest divides between child and adult is initiative. It is the crucial ability to evaluate and make decisions independently. For example, Kate says, “There is a sink full of dirty dishes. It’s my chore to wash them.” Initiative leads her to wash the dishes before her parents ask her to do them. A child waits until she is asked, and then resists the work. An adult-like attitude sees what is needed and independently acts to do it with a positive attitude.
I cringe when I see parents enabling their kids to be lazy by catering to their every whim. “Little Johnny can’t pick up his toys. He is only three years old.” Oh. No. If Johnny doesn’t learn to clean up his toys at that age, how is he going to learn to get dressed, take care of hygiene issues, do his chores, do homework, obey his parents, or work hard with a positive attitude? One skill builds on anoth…
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Jul 2, 2022
FW Ep 55 Work Hard
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Colossians 3:23-24 NIV
I am the fourth child of the Higginite clan from Twain Harte, California. Where I grew up, that meant something. The Higgins were hard workers. People saw us kids, at a young age, setting up for events and breaking down afterward. We ran the harvest parties and the carnivals. My mom organized things and we were her labor corp. Sunday school. Children’s Church. I ran the soundboard. I acted in plays. VBS? We were automatically signed up. Whatever she had in mind to do, the Higginites got it done.
When it came to my first job, my three older sisters blazed a trail for me. I applied to wash dishes at Silver Spur and all I had to say was my last name. “You’re a Higgins? You’re hired. I know Higgins work hard.” And I did work hard! Reputation i…
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Jul 2, 2022
Fw Ep 54 Protect and Prepare
“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Be on your guard.”
Matthew 10:16-17a NIV
How should we view our relationship with the world? Let’s go to the Bible to inform our expectations on this. Jesus told his disciples, as he sent them out to preach, to be shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves. It seems to me, we emphasize “innocent as doves” and neglect shrewd as snakes. In so doing, we set our kids up for trouble.
We are not called to stay safe, passive, cloistered, and hidden away from the world. We have a mission and purpose. Jesus challenged us to go into all the world and preach the good news. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always,…
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Jul 2, 2022
FW Ep 53 Listening
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
James 1:19-20 NIV
Talking has always felt very expensive to me as if I had a small budget to spend each day and each word had a high price tag. As a result, I find myself trying to find simpler ways to summarize my thoughts. I don’t tend to ramble. This natural inclination has been a great blessing to me. While holding my tongue for cost reasons, I have observed how quickly ill-considered words damage. A poorly-worded phrase can destroy a relationship. An angry outburst can scar. I could spend years building trust and burn it to the ground with a single sentence. James advises us to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. This is wisdom that few of us heed.
I noticed that when I conserve my words, someone else is keen to fill the space with theirs. This presents me, the listener, with many opportunities. First, I have time to think…
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Jul 2, 2022
FW Ep 52 Risk Taking
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
Luke 14:28-30 NIV
We are thinking about buying a new home! How exciting. My wife and I find ourselves swinging between excitement and fear. Our current house is small, but life here is familiar and safe. Now, we are contemplating stepping into the unknown. There is a risk in doing that. It is important for us to not let the excitement sweep us away. In our dreaming, we can’t abandon critical thinking. As Luke 14:28-30 teaches, it is important to sit down and calculate the cost before you begin. Our decision-making process has involved a lot of math. Do we have the money for this? That? Is there a margin of safety? Have we taken everything into account? Since we can’t affo…
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Jun 28, 2022
FW Ep 51 Authorities
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.
Romans 13:1-2 NIV
As a kid, I carried firewood from the woodpile upstairs to the kitchen wood stove all winter long. We made a tall pile along the brickwork and burned it steadily through the cold months. The house had not been designed well for cold, nor for wood heating, so we burned a lot of wood. Though the winters were not as cold or long as I am not accustomed to now in Alaska, I remember it taking a lot of work. Felling the trees, transporting the rounds, splitting the wood, carrying it up the stairs. I have distinct memories of rough cordwood in the arms. I had a method of loading it up that illustrates a salient point for our discussion of government.…
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Jun 28, 2022
FW Ep 50 Money
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.Matthew 6:24 NIV
Did you hear the one about the blind football player? It may be the setup to a great joke, but consider this for a moment. How could a blind man play football against sighted opponents? Imagine what that might look like. How long before he gets hurt? Could he successfully navigate the field? The opponents?
We doom our kids to this existence when we don’t teach them about money. It is the most important skill for handling the day-to-day challenges of life. Kids need to understand financial principles. It’s as important to life as speaking, reading, and writing are to communication. Why don’t we teach economics and money management every year in school just like the Language Arts? We are foolish to believe kids will figure it out. The truth is most people are not financially educated. They repe…
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Jun 27, 2022
FW Ep 49 Optimism
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NIV
My wife and I are opposites in almost every category. One that is most stark is the optimist vs. pessimist scale. When I wake up, my default attitude is “something good can happen.” Sure the challenges of the day often tamp down my enthusiasm, but that’s where my brain naturally begins. My wife’s starting line is “Don’t let anything bad happen,” and she goes about her day pushing back the chaos that threatens. I’m not sure which attitude is more accurate to reality, but I know that pessimists often defend their position. They say, “I’m not a pessimist. I’m a realist.” As a bona fide optimist, I think that my rosier worldview is more true to reality, but let’s not argue over it. Both sides of the debate have strengths and weaknesses. Both personalities are baked into the cake and cannot be altered.
When…
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Jun 26, 2022
FW Ep 48 Reject Victimhood
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2 NIV
When a person falls victim to a bad circumstance, injury, assault, offense, or injustice it is easy to get stuck. Our pain convinces us of the righteousness of our cause. We were wronged and we feel the offender must be held responsible. We look to outside sources for empathy or justice. If we do not receive adequate remedy, it feels like a second trauma. The cycle repeats and is likely to continue to do so if something is not done to interrupt the pattern.
The victim falls into a thought trap, mentally collecting more injuries as evidence for their case. They rehearse the merits and facts repeatedly in their minds and to others, circling through the injuries which are now piling up. If someone is not willing or able to resolve the injustices, the wrongs are collected like a…
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Jun 26, 2022
FW Ep 47 Skill Set Mastery
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him… Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
Colossians 3:17, 23 NIV
The other day, I sat with my two oldest kids in the chiropractor’s waiting room. A lady on the other side of the counter stood transfixed, watching my son solve his Rubik’s cube. The click, click of his rapid moves and the colors shifting did have a mesmerizing effect. It seemed like a magic trick when fifteen seconds later all the colors had migrated to their correct sides.
My daughter sat nearby, sketching on her tablet. The scene for the picture book she was illustrating took shape before my eyes. It seemed to grow like a living thing from an idea in her head to a fully fleshed-out character. It felt like I was watching pure creation, something from nothing. I marveled at her talent. The proud papa inside me strutted around a…
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Jun 25, 2022
FW Ep 46 Clear Thinking
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:5 NIV
Decision-making often feels like driving in the fog. The future is murky and indistinct. It feels risky, sometimes scary, yet time does not stand still. It drives forward. How do we successfully navigate the unknown? Clear thinking is a skill set that must be learned. Our kids need to practice it for years before playing for real. Let’s discuss some of the factors that get in the way.
The first thing we must manage to make good decisions is fear. I think of fear as a strange creature that grows to fill all the space it is given. Give it free rein and it will fill your thoughts, rule your mind, and corrupt all your decisions. Fear cripples your ability to use logic and analyze data. When it sits at the wheel, you can barely do anything at all. Should fear be banished, then? No! A healthy level of fear keeps us from doing dangerous things. It…
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Jun 17, 2022
FW Ep 45 Internalized Value System
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6 NIV
A new game began the moment my child was born. I imagined a timer floating over her head. As it ticked off the seconds and minutes I realized how limited my time was. The timer counted down the years, months, and days until launch. I could not pause the clock. As a father, I felt the urgency that the deadline provided. Every kid is a fresh game. We are all playing.
Let me explain how the game works. Player One, the child, observes the people around her and learns the normal ways of acting, thinking, and valuing things. We call these societal norms. They vary from place to place and person to person, sometimes sharply. This introduces choice into the child’s world. Every value system she observes will be considered and tested. Player Two and Three are mom and dad. They are closest to player One and have the first-mover advantage. They draw player One into their val…
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Jun 10, 2022
FW Ep 44 Submission
Be careful to obey all these regulations I am giving you, so that it may always go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and right in the eyes of the Lord your God.
Deuteronomy 12:28 NIV
This skill has been a difficult one for me. I bristle against anyone who asserts authority over me. My homeowners’ association tells me I can’t raise chickens in my backyard and my hackles raise up. The government steals my money through a myriad of taxes and fees and then dares to present itself as philanthropic. My wife gives me a list of things to do and expects that I am grateful for the opportunity to serve.
Grrr. Submission is a difficult skill. I remind myself that I chose to buy a house with an HOA. I tell myself that Jesus specifically addressed the paying of taxes in Matthew 22:15-22 NIV. “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” I know that I am supposed to love my wife as Christ loved the church and gave H…
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Jun 3, 2022
FW Ep 43 Know How To Learn
Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.
Proverbs 1:5 NIV
Information is cheap and getting cheaper every day. I would say that the cost of education has dropped to nearly zero. That doesn’t mean people aren’t still paying for it, but it is available for free if you want it. Many parents send their kids to school to LEARN. They think that kids need to pile facts into their heads for thirteen years to be successful in life. “Do your homework.” “Listen to your teacher.” “Get good grades.” Parents think all those worksheets add up to an education and they want their kids to be educated so they can succeed. This is a mistake. Kids don’t need to go to school to learn. All those facts and figures don’t make them into complete humans. What do they need? Your kids need to learn HOW to learn. That’s the secret sauce!
There was a scene in the first Matrix movie that illustrates how we want our kids to act after they have been edu…
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May 27, 2022
FW Ep 42 Self Control
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.
Proverbs 25:28 NIV
Among the pictures from my childhood, I found a photo of a little boy wearing a pair of giant headphones. The moment that I saw it, I was transported back in time to my childhood. I loved listening to records on those headphones. Not much has changed in that regard. I still love listening to music on a pair of noise-canceling, over-the-ear headphones. Antshillvania, Bullfrogs and Butterflies, and Music Machine were among the handful of albums we owned. I think I wore those records out listening to them so often. I can still remember the words to many of the tracks. Here is one on self-control: “Once I had a knot in my shoe. And it would not come loose. I tried and tried and pried and pried. But it would not come loose. I got so mad I kicked the door and stubbed my little toe. Ohhh! If only I had learned a little bit of self-control. Self-control is just controlling myself. It’s liste…
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May 21, 2022
FW Ep 41 Delay Gratification
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9 NIV
Pain is a strong motivator of behavior. If something hurts, we do everything we can to stop it. Too hot. Too cold. Too sharp. Too heavy. Too fast. These things present risks to our bodies and pain is our early warning system. Something bad is happening. We must act to make it stop. It’s a great system overall. Could we survive for long without the ability to feel pain? I think not.
The problem arises with the way our brains react to discomforts of the non-emergency variety. It experiences psychological discomfort much the same as physical pain. Emotional distress feels real. We experience it in tangible ways. Stress, worry, and fear are like this. Even boredom is experienced as a kind of pain. Hunger and thirst gnaw at our minds until we respond. Loneliness makes us feel hollow and empty. Pain. These are all signals that something needs to be done to allevia…
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May 18, 2022
FW Ep 40 Conflict Resolution
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18 NIV
Wisdom usually comes with age and experience, though that is not guaranteed. Children start with none of it. It falls to the parents to teach them how to negotiate the difficulties of conflict. Without wisdom, kids have only one thing to guide them. Natural selfish desires. This is the first ingredient for conflict. “That’s mine!”, “No, I had it first.” The battle ensues. Tears and wailing follow. Two selfish creatures battle for their way. Whether arguing over toys at four years old or teenagers fighting over who gets the best seat in the van, conflict blooms at any age. If you start with selfishness and add any circumstance whatsoever, conflict will ensue.
It is crucial to teach your children how to resolve conflict. Without a toolbox full of strategies to play well with others, they are doomed to a miserable life. How many individuals with great potential and skil…
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May 17, 2022
FW Ep 39 Communication
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
James 3:5-6
Last night I had a nightmare. It had something to do with computer hackers and it felt extremely real. As is usually the case with my dreams, I was unable to fight back. My dream state kept me as their victim. I raged against their evil schemes until my discomfort woke me up. Half-awake and freed from the shackles of dreaming, I crafted a counter-attack. I had to resolve the nightmare. They needed to pay for what they did. Justice demanded it. I turned over in bed and half-imagined, half-dreamed my battle plan. It involved my wielding several superpowers and employing harsh vigilante justice. When I felt that I had made my point, I woke up entirely. The HVAC fan kicked on. I opened my eyes. My alarm clock looked over-bright. A light…
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May 13, 2022
FW Ep 38 Adaptability
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:11-13 NIV
In 2018, Alaska experienced 54,000 earthquakes according to the Alaska Earthquake Center at the University of Alaska Fairbanks. On average every fifteen minutes or so the earth moves somewhere in the state. You might think we would be paranoid about earthquakes, but whenever something is so common it does the opposite. It is baked into life and our expectations. To be honest, the state is so massive that I only feel a few quakes a month while sitting in my Barcalounger at home. If they don’t rattle the dishes, they aren’t a thing. “We are having have an earthquake!” I might announce. “Cool. Wh…
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May 11, 2022
FW Ep 37 Giftings
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6 NIV
When each of my kids joined the family, the nurse assessed the baby and declared, “It’s a beautiful, healthy baby girl or boy!” All the pieces were in place. Four limbs, ten fingers, ten toes, normal everything. Perhaps they should inform the parents differently. “Congratulations! You’ve given birth to a baffling mystery. It is a new combination of your DNA so it may look familiar, but don’t be fooled. It has a hidden personality, unseen giftings, and undeveloped dreams and desires that you must decode through inference and deduction. You get to spend the next twenty years, like a detective, figuring out what makes this little bundle tick. If you fail to customize your parenting to this child’s needs, you might scar him or her for life. Congratulations though. Here’s your baby!”
The physical needs of a child may be more universal, but kids aren’t…
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May 8, 2022
FW Ep 36 Biblical Fluency
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
Psalm 119:11 NIV
The Bible is extraordinary. I think everyone could agree with that. It has sold over 5 billion copies. It has survived through time, like no other book. Considering how and when it was written, it is a miracle that we have so many ancient copies from which we can validate modern translations. Its accuracy is important because of the claims contained in the Bible. While there are a few older books like the Epic of Gilgamesh and The Iliad and The Odyssey, the Bible stands above all the others in terms of influence. No book is as loved and hated, so revered and so reviled. The claims of the Bible are a wedge between those who accept its message and those who find it foolish, offensive, or impossible. I won’t spend my time defending the Bible. It stands up for itself well. Many honest skeptics have sought to disprove and expose it as a hoax only to find that it is highly reliable. Some have believed…
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May 7, 2022
FW Ep 35 The Primary Objective
Life is short. Seize the day. Carpe Diem. How many times have you heard this admonition? The old can do the math. They see their days dwindling. Each day becomes more precious. When they say Carpe Diem, the old usually mean treasure every moment, enjoy every day, and don’t waste a minute. Those who live without hope mean something along the lines of “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.” (1 Corinthians 15:32c NIV) The hopeless feel as if life is slipping through their fingers. They can’t claw back even one day from the past. Knowing this, the old man grumbles how youth is wasted on the young.
Maybe this sounds like good advice, but it is flawed. Time is not a limited commodity. We are not running out of time. Humans consist of soul and spirit dwelling in the body, according to the Bible. Only the body dies when it stops breathing, so only the flesh is running out of time. Paul referred to the body as a tent that we dwell in for a short while. God has a heavenly dwelling…
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May 2, 2022
FW Ep 34 Set the Goal Posts
It’s time to get more specific. After all, if we aim at nothing, in particular, we will hit it every time. What do we want our kids to be able to do? What skills are important? How do we want them to act? Should they go to college? What career should they choose? Who should they marry? There are so many life decisions that need to be prepared for, even if they are well into the future. How do I know if my kids are measuring up? How can I feel confident that I am doing everything I need to do? A father needs to set up the goalposts, so he knows when he is scoring points and when he is off his game. “What’s the score?” If we track the points in a football game, we should be able to do the same with fatherhood.
In this chapter, I will discuss the fatherhood goals we should set for our kids and how to help them achieve them. Let me admit at the outset, my list is incomplete. Every kid is different, so their list should be customized for their aptitudes. Every father is also differ…
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May 1, 2022
FW Ep 33 That's Too Simple
Having finished this chapter, you might be thinking, “That’s too simple. There must be more to it.” There may be more to it. You may discover a sixth ingredient to the Fatherhood Formula. That’s great! I encourage you to begin implementing the five steps of The Fatherhood Formula I have provided and see how it changes your family. Test whether it alters your interactions with work, hobbies, and everything in-between. If you are anything like me, it will take time to make changes in your values, priorities and habits. Don’t be impatient with yourself. You can do it, but not all at once.
Remember that you are dealing with other people who also have the freedom to choose their response to you. If they don’t jump on board with the new you, don’t be surprised or discouraged. You have spent many years being you, setting patterns, establishing expectations, and falling short. It may take time to undo your mistakes, regain trust with those you’ve hurt, or win over your family…
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Apr 30, 2022
FW Ep 32 Preparation
Step five in The Fatherhood Formula is: Prepare your children so they can stand strong when they are grown. My wife and I are very different when it comes to parenting. She is instinctually loving, nurturing, and comforting. She didn’t have to develop these skills, they were in her from the start. I watched the switch flip on when the first chickadee came along. I marveled at how she could surrender her comfort and sleep for the baby. She craved the cuddling. She relished every moment and milestone. She wanted the kids to stay young forever, to always come to her for comfort. Her fiercely loving mother’s heart hasn’t changed, even with four kids and sixteen years of parenting. It is an admirable and beautiful thing to behold.
Fatherhood didn’t come so naturally for me. I didn’t fall in love with the kids at first sight. I had to work hard at being comforting, gentle, and loving. I guess the nurturing instinct didn’t come with my programming, as it did with my wife’s. As…
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Apr 30, 2022
FW Ep 31 Protection Detail
Step four in The Fatherhood Formula is: Protect your children from pernicious wolves. A father is endowed by his creator with strength and a more aggressive nature so that he can stand in the gap between his family and the wolves. In the last chapter, we described some of the influencers that work tirelessly to steal your kids’ loyalty and subvert the truth of the Bible. A fundamental job of the father is to be on guard against the evil schemes of our enemy, Satan.
The Devil has one agenda in this broken world, to disrupt God’s plan while he still can. Satan can have no hope of victory, but he seeks to destroy as much as he can before his final judgment. Here is a description of that punishment from Revelations. And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night forever and ever. Revelation 20:10 NIV.
We need to understand the relationship between the Evil One, i…
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Apr 22, 2022
FW Ep 30 Lead with Love
Step three in The Fatherhood Formula: Love your children as God loves us. Polaris, usually called the North Star, always appears stationary in the northern sky. As the earth spins, the other stars appear to rotate around it. For thousands of years, the North Star has been used as a navigational constant to guide sailors. In the southern hemisphere The Southern Cross, Sigma Octantis, serves this same purpose. The one stable thing in a sky filled with change. The waves and currents may be in constant motion. The earth may be moving. The moon may be moving, but travelers can use the North Star to calculate direction. In the same way, the Bible provides navigational constants for our lives. That is why I’ve been using scripture to guide our exploration of fatherhood.
The Fatherhood Formula consists of timeless principles that can be applied to all parenting decisions. Use them as your North Star when you are making decisions. They will guide you through difficult situations, keeping you…
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Apr 22, 2022
FW Ep 29 Treasure Hunter
Step two in The Fatherhood Formula is: Make your children your treasure. We must appeal to the treasure hunter’s heart in every man. Every father must learn the true value of family, children, and a lasting legacy. Then, he will pursue it all his life. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21 NIV
Most men have mistaken plastic tokens for gold coins, valuing the wrong things. Each man must look within and address this error in his own life. The results of mistaking trash for treasure are manyfold and uniformly negative. Just read the news for a sampling of what this twisted valuation has caused. It’s human nature to protect that which is most valued. A man guards his treasure. He works to get more. He polishes his coins and protects them from thieves. It is time men learn to value their families and stop polishing their plastic tokens.
Fatherhood has fallen out of favor with most men and the culture we swim in. Our nation has fallen into chaos becaus…
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Apr 20, 2022
FW Ep 28 The Heart Leads
Step one in The Fatherhood Formula is: Turn your heart toward your children. For a man, there is nothing more significant he can invest his life in than his family. Nothing has more reach. Nothing has more value. I understand that many men can accomplish great and influential things in their work lives, but being a father is ultimately more important than that. Family is a man’s first circle of influence and responsibility. I believe his success will be measured, in time and eternity, by his accomplishments there before all else.
I have many ambitions and dreams for my life. My sense of purpose has been simmering inside me since boyhood, sometimes boiling over. It pushes me ever onward. It drives me to reach for a better version of myself. It hungers to accomplish things of significance in the world. Because of this, I am inspired by the stories of the great makers, inventors, artists, builders, and world-changers. They build amazing things. These are the people who improve the worl…
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Apr 16, 2022
FW Ep 27 The Fatherhood Formula
The formula of the soda I am drinking is kept in a high-security vault and only two people are allowed to know it. This is understandable since the formula is the key to a vast business empire, but it is funny. Every other brand on the planet has a cola flavor that’s close enough to pass my taste test. It feels like the secret is already out, but whatever. Perhaps the vault story is more of a charade. I don’t know. Think of all the different products with secret sauces, recipes, and proprietary designs. No one else is allowed to use the formula and this maintains the companies competitive advantage. The fatherhood formula is not so well-hidden or guarded. Nothing would be better than to have you take the following formula and integrate it into your little family company. Here is my Fatherhood Formula.
1) Turn your heart toward your children.
2) Make your children your treasure.
3) Love your children as God loves us.
4) Protect your children from pernicious wolves.
5) Prepare y…
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Apr 16, 2022
FW Ep 26 Time For Action
A father would do well to guard his children against the wolves that I have discussed in this chapter, but my list is not comprehensive. Wolves, like candy, come in many varieties. I hope that you have gleaned some sense of the danger of letting the cultural influencers have free access in your home. Perhaps you have become more aware of where you’ve been believing their messaging personally and recognize the necessity of weaning yourself off some technology or entertainment. If you have let the wolves into your house, it is time to chase them out the front door.
Warning! Making drastic changes like banning social media or certain kinds of entertainment will be met with resistance. If you have allowed unfettered access in the past, your kids will not understand unless you explain yourself. They will not agree with you, so be careful how you do this. Don’t be authoritarian. You don’t want to turn your kids against you and encourage them to reject your authority. If you make drast…
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Apr 16, 2022
FW Ep 25 Internet Access
What if I told you that I’d invented an apparatus that lets you access all of human knowledge in seconds using a device that you could fit in your pocket? You would pull out your cell phone, wave it around in front of my face and say, “You’re a little late, Bub! You’ve got to do better than that.” We have grown accustomed to the internet, the devices that access it, and the software that sifts through the mountains of data to give immediate results. Imagine I went back in time and told my great-grandparents about my device. They would doubt my sanity. Technology has moved forward so fast during my lifetime. It feels like there is a technological revolution every fifteen minutes.
The internet is a great achievement. The layers of services built on it are both improving and morphing everything about our lives. How we live, where we live, how we communicate, and how we view the world. It’s pretty amazing if you think about it. Many of these changes are positive. Still, it’s…
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Apr 15, 2022
FW Ep 24 Bigger Government
Nothing encapsulates the threat of the government wolf better than Dennis Prager’s line. “The bigger the government, the smaller the citizen.” Every time our leaders create another law, program, or agency, the government tentacles grip another part of our lives. Most of those little additions don’t reach our home, so we tend to disassociate laws from their consequences. However, every law does affect somebody and laws build up like clutter in a house.
At first, you can stuff the knick-knacks in a closet. Then you have to install shelving in the garage for all the boxes. Soon you have to park the car outside, because it won’t fit in the garage anymore. The stuff keeps coming in. A little every day. Sales. Hand-me-downs. Stock-ups. Black Friday shopping sprees. Old stuff breaks, but somehow isn’t thrown out, so the clutter builds. Year by year. You struggle to keep the hallway clear and walking paths to the rooms. Finally, you become like the hoarder down the street whose st…
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Apr 10, 2022
FW Ep 23 Intolerance
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
John 15:18-19 NIV
One of the most pernicious tools of cultural influencers is “tolerance.” The meaning of the word is straightforward. Tolerance, according to Merriam-Webster, is “sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own.” In a diverse world where people have many religious beliefs, it is necessary to honor the freedom of others to choose what they believe and to exercise their religion. How else could we live side by side in peace? This idea works well with Christianity, because becoming a follower of Christ is a personal choice and can’t be legitimately forced upon others.
There exists a great difference between the apparent idea of tolerance and “Tolerance” as practiced by our s…
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Apr 9, 2022
FW Ep 22 Public School
It is strange and sad to have to include the public school system in this chapter about dangerous influencers. It feels as if a school should be a haven of safety. This trust bias, on the part of parents, toward the education system has allowed the public schools to wield undue influence in our kids’ lives for generations. With so many thousands of hours to indoctrinate our kids, it’s no surprise that whatever the public school system teaches soon becomes the cultural norm. The public school system leads culture by the hand, like a mother with her child.
Let’s start with the teachers. Parents trust them as professionals who have their kid’s best interests in mind. In my experience, teachers are well-intentioned. Who would put up with your kids otherwise? But don’t be fooled. No matter their intentions, they implement what they are told to teach by the government and school officials. They use the educational principles and strategies they were taught in university. Teachers…
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Apr 3, 2022
Fw Ep 21 Advertisements
I hate being sold to, but I can’t seem to get away from advertisements. It wasn’t always like this. When I was young, my family didn’t have a TV. It was a geographical issue. Our house in the mountains couldn’t get the free TV signals, and we were too poor to afford cable. As a result, I got the ad-free version of childhood.
The only time I saw TV ads was when I visited Grandma and watched Saturday morning cartoons. They fascinated me at first. I wanted everything. After each commercial, I got a thrill of excitement about getting the toy followed by a death drop of disappointment when I remembered we had no money to buy it. I would never be able to get any of it. I resented the ads for tantalizing me with the impossible. Soon, Grandma turned off the TV and told us to go play. And that was the totality of my childhood ad experience.
Today, with the internet people see many thousands of ads per day. Every ad is trying to tickle your fancy, inject dissatisfaction with your life,…
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Apr 2, 2022
FW Ep 20 Tech Fluent vs. Tech Addict
“But, but, but!” I hear you saying, “The world is high-tech. If you don’t let your kids do any of the normal things, they will end up illiterate.” Well, it is good that you are concerned about your kids’ tech literacy, but don’t be confused. All that glitters is not gold. Most new technology is not beneficial. On the contrary, it is often predatory. The creators of the games, social platforms, or free services design their products like a dairy farm. Guess who the cows are? That’s right, your kids are the cows. Moo!
They want your kids hooked up and distracted by the bright colors, beeping and buzzing sounds, and artificial point systems, so they can steal their milk. They are in the data-mining business. They sell advertisements. They sell upgrades and entertainment. They want lifetime customers, addicted to dopamine hits every few seconds. They need addicts.
Your kids do not need to be immersed in this to operate in the world. There are other paths they can take. Fu…
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Mar 29, 2022
FW Ep 19 The Gift of Boredom
Video games are highly addictive, a low-return way to spend the only real commodity in life. Time. You can’t regain hours once they’re spent, so a wise parent will help their kids spend their hours well. Consider the hidden cost of missed opportunities. Every hour spent on video games is not spent on more valuable things. The brain gains mastery of level four in a virtual world, but misses out on real life and the diverse skills needed to thrive there.
I don’t believe that every hour of a kid’s formative years must be well spent, but many of them should be if you want a well-rounded human being. Every hour spent in video game worlds is an opportunity lost. The brain is entertained. The brain is numbed. The time is gone. The opportunity is missed. Wouldn’t it be better to let them get bored? Force their brains to find something to do. Encourage them to produce something. Help them gain new skills. Tell them you expect them to find something they enjoy and build mastery of it.…
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Mar 25, 2022
FW Ep 18 Entertainment
Everything that exists was made by someone. Obvious, I know. This pen has a maker. Every book has a writer, an illustrator, and a printer. My lunch has a farmer, a rancher, a processor, and a distributor. Each person that works on my sandwich shapes it according to their desires and purposes. If I study the packaging, I can see what they put into the bread or the sliced ham and cheese. When I look at and taste my sandwich I experience what they believed a sandwich should be. I am tasting the product of their morality.
Entertainment is no different than physical objects. The creators of movies, TV, video games, social media, and other experiences work for years to bring about each project. All of them leave their unique fingerprints on what they have created. They have certain reasons for making it. When I watch their final product I can see what they believed a show should be. I am watching their morality. We call it bias, agenda, or maybe propaganda depending on how forcefully the me…
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Mar 21, 2022
FW Ep 17 Friends
Friends are extremely influential! It’s hard to overstate how much. A buddy of mine told me a story that I believe illustrates this perfectly. “My wife and I drive older model cars right now. They have a lot of miles left in them, but they don’t look pretty anymore. They have a few dents. Latches, buttons, and seals are starting to fail. My wife felt embarrassed driving her jalopy to work. She explained that it didn’t feel professional. I expressed my opinion that they had a good amount of life left in them and that buying a new car just so other people didn’t think you were poor was a good way to become poor.”
“I am pretty sure that she physically heard me, but the idea dripped off her like water off a duck’s back. If anything, it made her more sure that she needed a new car. Since we had enough cash in our car savings, we began shopping. We found a used car that checked all the boxes for us, four-wheel drive for winter driving, good condition, the right age to avoid…
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Mar 17, 2022
FW Ep 16 Hedonism
The word Hedonism is not in wide use in our culture. I had to look up the definition just to verify I was thinking of the right term. According to Merriam-Webster.com hedonism is “the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life.” Though the word is rarely used, this dangerous philosophy is more prevalent in our nation than all the pizza places, coffee shops, and burger restaurants combined. In other words, it is everywhere. On every block and in every house. It springs from the miscalculations of every human heart. Every broken person wants to live well and be happy, but doesn’t know how. When we look within for answers, all we find is hedonism.
How should we live? It is a valid question, but when I detach my morality from a higher authority, I am adrift in a sea of choices. I look to my hedonistic desires for guidance and ask, “What will give me pleasure today? What do I want most?” Desires and appetites are always in flux, not reliable. I will be…
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Mar 15, 2022
FW Ep 15 Nihlism
“Life is meaningless. Knowledge is impossible. There is no objective truth. Human life is without any intrinsic value,” says the culture. You don’t need to know the name of the philosophy to receive the messages. They are baked into the cultural cake. Any time you are consuming content or education from this anti-truth culture you will find whispers of Nihilism. It is a philosophy that seeks to undermine the idea of absolutes, truth, meaning, and value. “It is impossible to know anything for certain,” they decree, ignoring the obvious conflict that that belief statement is itself declaring something as certain, thereby canceling its validity.
Let’s consider the ramifications of such a philosophy. If life is meaningless, then it doesn’t matter which choices I make because I, like life itself, am nothing of consequence. I have no purpose for being alive. Nothing I do is valuable. It doesn’t even matter that I’m alive. Nihilism believes life is a lot like living in a vi…
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Mar 13, 2022
FW Ep 14 Atheism
Why does our modern culture cling to an evolutionary explanation of the world with the fervor of religious zealots? It serves their purposes better than any philosophy or religion ever invented. It removes God from man’s understanding of life. If God doesn’t exist, man has no responsibility to live as his creator wishes. Mankind has always wished to rule himself. So man embraces a Godless philosophy to promote himself to the position of chief decision-maker and highest authority. As one who bristles under authority, I can see the attraction of being the king of my life. Can’t you?
I see two major problems with this. First, if I believe, really hard, that I am Superman, it doesn’t make it true. My words lack the power to shape the fabric of reality. Similarly, someone might wish that God did not exist, but saying that it is so doesn’t have the slightest effect on reality. If God exists, it seems ridiculous that He could be so vulnerable to His creation’s whims. According to…
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Mar 10, 2022
FW Ep 13 Evolution
It is hard to ignore how well the universe works. Gravitational Force. Electromagnetic force. Nuclear force. Speed of Light. How well the earth supports life. Our location within the Milky Way galaxy. Our position within the solar system. The availability and polarity of water. The presence of Jupiter and Saturn diverts dangerous large comets and asteroids from hitting the earth. The placement of the earth’s moon, with its specific size and rotational properties. Stable plate tectonics on Earth. The list goes on and on. Our universe is stable, our solar system and the planet Earth are finely tuned to support life.
Let’s not pretend that our existence is anything but a miracle. If any one of these variables were even minutely different, life-sustaining earth could not exist. The sun could not hold itself together. Planets could not remain in orbit. Our molecules would be unstable. Any individual variation of the parameters needed for life would mean that we are impossible. Wow! It…
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Mar 10, 2022
FW Ep 12 Worldview
Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? The answers to these questions are key to how your kids will live their lives. The Bible has a lot to say about these big questions. For example, In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1 NIV. According to the Bible, which Christians believe is the Word of God, everything that exists was created by God for specific reasons. Humanity has a purpose (to worship and glorify God), a place (adoption into the family of God), value (so loved by God that He gave his only Son to save us from our sin), design (made in God’s image), and future (whoever believes in Jesus Christ will be forgiven their sins and inherit eternal life with God.)
Today’s culture also has a worldview. It is generally opposite to what the Bible lays out. Many Biblical principles were evident in the foundations of our culture. They were, in fact, the reason for our great national success. These Biblical fundamental truths are being eroded…
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Mar 8, 2022
FW Ep 11 Wolves
There is a long history of using wolves to signify the threats we face. In this book, I have chosen to continue the practice. The sin-broken world, our secular nation, and even the neighborhoods where we live contain many entities with harmful designs and plans for our kids. Most of these wolves consider themselves good-intentioned, but by focusing on outcomes we can untangle intentions from results. They don’t appear to be dangerous to your children, but they are. We must learn to recognize negative influencers and messages, so we can protect our young ones and, as they grow in age and understanding, inoculate them. Throughout this chapter, I will describe some of the cultural wolves I believe you should be on guard against.
If we do nothing, the world will exert its seductive and destructive influence throughout our kids’ foundational years. Then, by the time our kids have grown, the indoctrination will have permeated their souls affecting their thoughts, words, actions, values,…
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Mar 5, 2022
FW Ep 10 The Father Bees pt. 3
6. Be long-suffering. Any book that includes suffering on its list is guaranteed to get readers excited. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but parenting, like life itself, includes suffering. A father needs to be willing to suffer for the benefit of his kids. What does this look like? Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24 NIV
Don’t be alarmed. Parenting is not agony on the level that Christ, our Savior, suffered on the cross, but that is the model. Jesus used His sacrificial example on the cross as a demonstration of what it means to deny yourself. “Take up your cross and follow me.” Crucifixion was a horrible method of torture and death. Parenting involves denying yourself, dying to yourself, and following Christ. I find that every time I have to give up my agenda for the benefit of my family’s needs, it hurts. My selfish nature cries out in rebellion. I don’t WANT to!…
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Mar 5, 2022
FW Ep 9 The Father Bees pt. 2
3. Be intentional. Fatherhood can become a reactionary game like Tetris. Life drops a situation down and you have to figure out what to do with it before the next problem appears. You are just trying to keep up with the ever-increasing pace. If you have ever played the game then you know that music. Sometimes life moves so fast that all you can do is react and try to keep up while hearing Korobeiniki in your head. (Tetris song. Originated from Russia. The word means peddler. Originally a poem by Nicolay Nedrasov in 1861.)
Life with kids feels random and unpredictable at the moment, but it isn’t. Be intentional. With planning and forethought, the game slows down because you have decided what to do with many situations before they happen. In the game, you have to put the shapes together to make complete rows, which clear out of your way as soon as you do. Fatherhood isn’t that much different, if you know what you are trying to build, it all slows down. Spend time crafting goals and…
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Mar 5, 2022
FW Ep 8 The Father Bees pt. 1
When I was growing up, I noticed that fathers were always the brunt of the joke in sitcoms. Our culture discounted the value and degraded the dignity of the father’s role in raising kids. It enjoyed depicting fathers as buffoons or lazy, abusive, or demanding, and above all unimportant. The government still encourages single parenting with its welfare policies, venturing to assume the role of the father itself. Provision. Education. Discipline. It does this as one greedy for power, not as one investing in the lives of the kids he loves. There is no substitute for the real thing. Only you can be the father your kids need.
It’s time we take back the mantel of Fatherhood and embrace the challenge it presents. Without a doubt, it will cost us greatly. “The quest will take his life,” said Gandalf of Frodo Baggins. So it is with us, the quest will take much of our energy and time, but it is worth the sacrifice. It is a great and noble thing we are doing. It’s time we elevated our…
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Feb 27, 2022
FW Ep 7 Avoiding Gutter Balls
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4 NIV Now that I had set the first of my fatherhood principles as my North Star, I tried to structure my life and prioritize my time to match. My results were inconsistent at best. It’s almost as if my mind had a mind of its own. I understood that a man’s family is the greatest investment project of his life, but I wanted to do my own thing, too. Did I have to invest in eternal things all the time? I had other ambitions for my life, big dreams, and things I wanted to build and experience.
One great dividend a man earns from having kids, like being married, is being forced to mature. A painful process with good results. Your selfish desires are confronted with daily competition for your time and energy. You see, every human is born selfish. Selfishness is a cancer that we have all bee…
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Feb 26, 2022
FW Ep 6 The Hermit Inside Me
This principle challenges me daily. You see, I have a bit of a people problem.
“Dad, when I grow up I want to build a cabin in the wood and be a hermit,” I still remember saying to my dad as a boy. I think I had just learned what a hermit was and it seemed like a good fit for my introverted personality. My dad replied, “You can’t do that!” He said it with so much feeling that I was taken back. I remember feeling hurt. Living alone sounded about perfect for me.“Why not? I love the woods and people exhaust me.” He explained that God’s plan is all about people and if I lived in the woods by myself I would miss out on His work.” I groaned out loud and my dad laughed. “I wanted to be a hermit, too, when I was a boy, but I grew out of it.”
Well, I’m sorry to say that I haven’t grown out of it. Groups of people still exhaust me. I prefer a day of solitude to going to the state fair, but I took my father’s lesson to heart. God values people and being a part of His…
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Feb 25, 2022
FW Ep 5 Foundation of Fatherhood
The first of my Fatherhood Principles comes from Matthew 6:19-21 NIV. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
According to this scripture, I am supposed to store up for myself treasures in heaven. As a rule, nothing I possess will come with me when I die. Many ancient people disagreed. They buried their dead with their treasures, but those things could not cross the gap of death into the afterlife. What happened to all the gold, jewels, and fine clothing buried with them? It rotted or it was dug up by thieves. Failing that, archeologists unearthed the remains thousands of years later and sold them to museums.
“Things” are useful for provision in this present period of our lives, but physical riches have no us…
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Feb 25, 2022
FW Ep 4 Fledgling Guardian
The transition from married to married with kids is dramatic for dads. Suddenly, these babies are depending on them, like no one ever has in their life. New dads find themselves being more watchful than before, thinking about the future more. Like the man building a fire at the mouth of his cave, they listen for the howling wolves and prepare to beat them back.
The fledgling guardian inside of me rose to keep watch. It seemed natural and instinctual, but it was a dramatic change. Even as my wife’s God-given nurturing gifts budded during her pregnancy and blossomed at each of our kid’s births, my heart aspired to the guardian’s challenge. I wanted to be a good father. But what did a good father look like? What did he do? How did he do it? Who could I look to for guidance? My mind cast around for answers.
I realized my good fortune. I had two father figures to pattern myself after. Both my biological father and my Heavenly Father provided me with a template for fatherhood. My dad…
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Feb 24, 2022
FW Ep 3 Parenting Instincts
I consider myself lucky when it comes to my parents. They are by no means perfect, they are human after all, but they did a great job in the ways that count. They stayed together. They loved each other well. They loved Christ and prioritized His plan in their decision-making. They taught me the foundational things about life. They mentored me through the many crises caused by my chronic back problems, and they released me like a well-aimed arrow.
Today, I consider them friends and mentors. I call them every few weeks to catch up and on holidays when my wife reminds me. I trust that when I ask them for counsel, they will shoot straight with me. They don’t tell me what they think I want to hear for the sake of ease. They don’t manipulate my decisions to serve their agenda. They mentor me as they parented, with the wisdom of the Bible as the compass to guide the ship. That’s a pretty lucky combination of numbers on my lotto ticket.
Much of our instincts about parenting are forged…
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Feb 24, 2022
FW Ep 2 Unprepared Guardian
Imagine Luke Skywalker before he met Obi-wan Kenobi, Frodo Baggins before Bilbo gave him the one ring, Eragon before he found the dragon egg, or choose one of your favorite characters. At the beginning of their stories, how would you describe them? Naive. Immature. Green. Preoccupied. Unprepared. Unaware. This is the image of every man just before he hears the words, “Honey, I’m pregnant.” He is about to become a father. The trumpet call of adventure sounds different than he thought it would. The scene doesn’t feel right. There is no dramatic music. No epic backdrop. No old, wise wizard. The unprepared protagonist is probably standing beside his wife, in the bathroom, peering down at a positive pregnancy test. Checking. Double-checking. Looking at the box and checking again.
The call to adventure has been given, but it doesn’t match his expectations. So much so, that he might miss it altogether. Many men do. If he is anything like Luke, Frodo, or Eragon, then he is clueless.…
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Feb 22, 2022
FW Ep 1 Introduction
Father and the Wolves: A guide to elevate fatherhood, fix families, and save the world. Written and read by B.T. Higgins.
Introduction:
I have been told that men don’t read books anymore. Certainly, dads won’t read a book about fatherhood. If this is true, then all the pressure is off of me. No one will read this book, so I don’t have to worry about hooking the reader’s interest with this introduction. Maybe this book is just for me. You see, I’ve come to believe that being a father is the most important work of my life. Perhaps I just needed to collect my thoughts on the subject into one place, to get them down on paper. Why are my kids important? Why am I a necessary part of their lives? Why should I prioritize my kids over my hobbies and work? Do I have some goal I am working toward with them or is parenting all just haphazard and random? Wouldn’t my kids be better off without me? Everyone knows that kids need their mom, but no one ever says that about dads.
Most of…
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