The ADHD Smarter Parenting‘s Podcast
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Drawing on years of experience working with families, Parenting Coaches Siope Kinikini and Kimber Petersen share how families can improve, heal, and find success using the proven methods of the Teaching-Family Model.
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Ep #164: Avoid holiday meltdowns using Role-play
Many children struggle with managing expectations and emotions during the holidays. The behavior skill of Role-play teaches children what is expected in various situations--from holiday shopping to parties. Knowing how they can appropriately respond when they are overwhelmed or excited can go a long way in reducing the meltdowns or craziness they may feel.
The holidays can be a truly magical time for children. That magic, though, can bring new stress or unmet expectations that can be challenging for a child to manage if they haven't been taught what to do instead. For example, if you don't want your child to touch every toy they see at the store, they will need to know what to do instead. They may need to keep their hands on the cart or stop quietly in front of one toy to get a better look as long as they don't pick it up or touch it, but they won't know what to do if you don't practice it with them before you go to the store.
Role-playing allows a parent to address any concerns before they arise. Addressing potential issues while your child is calm and receptive gives them the tools needed to display the appropriate behavior in that specific situation.
Once a child is overwhelmed or too excited, it can be hard to bring them to a calm state. Role-playing keeps a child from escalating too much.
Role-playing will reduce your stress and increase your enjoyment of the season.
You can learn more about how to Role-play with your child by watching a short video lesson at SmarterParenting.com.
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Nov 24, 2021
Ep #163: How to stop your child from arguing
Nothing pushes most parents' buttons more than when their child argues when asked to do something.
When a child argues, it can often quickly escalate, pulling in all sorts of wrongs, emotions, and even personal attacks.
When a child is arguing, it is not the time to teach them life lessons or what they should be doing. Instead, your goal should be to deescalate the situation and get your child to a point where they can accept your answer or do what was asked.
The biggest thing is to remember that an argument takes two and that if you, as the parent, don't engage, your child can't argue. The skill of Following Instructions helps parents take a break from the situation by focusing on the original issue and not being drawn into tangents or arguments.
Once a child is calm, you can address the thoughts and feelings brought up during their argument. It's important that our child feels able to express their ideas and feels. We just want to teach them to do it appropriately, and arguing isn't appropriate.
We hope you'll reach out to us on social media for more information about Following Instructions and how to use it to stop arguments.
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Nov 17, 2021
Ep #162: Using Effective Praise to instill gratitude in our kids
Effective Praise is powerful in teaching our kids gratitude. Effective Praise teaches us to recognize effort and change and then express why that effort means something to us.
Effective Praise is more than just telling someone, "Good job." Rather it's telling them exactly what they did well--no matter how little that progress may be.
For example, your child may struggle cleaning their room. Instead of focusing on what they haven't done or didn't do well, Effective Praise allows us to focus on what they did well, such as, "I can see you took a lot of time to organize your books, and that shows me that those things matter to you and that you want to take care of them."
By acknowledging what they have done, we motivate our children to continue to make progress while reducing the amount of time spent nagging them to do something.
As we show our children that we appreciate what they do well, they will be more likely to apply that same mind frame to friends, teachers, coworkers, and even family members.
You can find the skill of Effective Praise at SmarterParenting.com. We invite you to learn it and start using it in your family, and you will be amazed at how it transforms your outlook and relationships.
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Nov 10, 2021
Ep #161: How to set healthy boundaries with family
Setting healthy boundaries with family or friends can be a challenge, but doing so is essential.
Healthy boundaries are nothing more than a contract. I will do this, and in return, you will do that. Unhealthy relationships are those where the contract is uneven, or someone is infringing on a boundary.
Learning to operate under a new boundary can be challenging for many using under an outdated contract or boundary. Your parents may still be working under a parent/child contract that doesn't consider that you're an adult with children of your own. Or an older sibling may still think it's their place to offer advice because they've "been there."
Overtime boundaries will change. The boundaries that were in place when you were ten will have changed as you became 18. Changing boundaries does not mean that the previous contract was unsuccessful, and adjusting boundaries means focusing on growing relationships.
It's also important to teach our children what healthy boundaries look like for friends, family, and peers which will help them have greater success in the future.
It can be challenging for us to express our boundaries to people we know and care about. We recommend using Effective Communication as it helps both sides to feel heard and understood.
When learning how to better communicate with others, don't start with the most complex subjects. Begin with relatively easy topics and then progress to the more difficult issues as you become better acquainted with the skill.
Setting healthy boundaries with family members will significantly improve relationships. Let us know how it goes or any struggles you experience as you set boundaries with family.
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Nov 3, 2021
Ep #160: Why an ADHD diagnosis affects everyone in the family
It's no secret that when one child is diagnosed with ADHD, it impacts everyone in the family.
Children without a diagnosis may start to act out, become resentful of the time and attention that one child may be receiving, or question why what they do right goes unnoticed.
Using the skill of Effective Praise can change the dynamic of the family. Effective Praise shifts the focus from what is going wrong to what is going right, which is powerful.
Effective Praise promotes repeat positive behavior, and it also encourages a child to change their behavior as kids like receiving praise.
Effective Praise changes behavior because it does two things. First, it is specific in what your child did well, and second, it gives your child a reason that matters to them why they should continue the behavior.
When parents combine those things, magic happens. Children not only want to be acknowledged for what they are doing right, but they also want a reason to continue that behavior. The motivation for behaving well can be additional time on the computer or tablet, more time with friends, the ability to make more decisions independently, etc. The list is truly endless, and it will depend on your child and their personality.
To learn more about Effective Praise, visit SmarterParenting.com
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Oct 27, 2021
Ep #159: Time management strategies I wish I‘d known as a child with ADHD
Many children--and-adults-with ADHD struggle with time management and need strategies that will set them up for success.
Children who can learn strategies can better transition to adulthood and be successful in work, school, and their personal lives. Children who don’t discover time management strategies will often struggle with substance abuse and failure in their work and personal lives.
Avoidance, procrastination, and distraction are all symptoms of ADHD and can be more comfortable for a person than getting things done or facing difficult situations. Those with ADHD often don’t like dealing with difficult feelings.
In this podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, discusses his struggles with ADHD as a child and what strategies he has implemented that have been life-changing.
The two strategies that both children and adults with ADHD can implement today are the time-boxing method and the SODAS Method.
Because those with ADHD can have difficulty seeing the big picture or determining priorities, the time-boxing method helps them decide what they need to do. By visually seeing what needs to be done, they are more likely to do it, as those with ADHD often thrive once they begin.
The SODAS Method helps remove the emotion from situations and keeps them focused on the present.
Using these two methods will help you or your child with ADHD play to strengths and find successful outcomes.
You can learn more about the SODAS Method here.
If you'd like personalized help implementing time management strategies for you or your child, we can help. Sign up for Parenting Coaching and let us create solutions that will work for you!
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Oct 20, 2021
Ep #158: Halloween safety tips for kids
Halloween is such a magical time for kids. In all that excitement kids can make unsafe or unwise decisions.
As parents, we don't want to ruin the day's magic, but we do want them to be safe. We want them to remember to stay safe when street crossing the street. We want them to respect others' property and be polite, and we want them to stick to areas we are comfortable with.
Because there is so much stimulation happening for children on Halloween, we must practice what we want beforehand. If we want our children to respect others' property, we need to show them what that looks like. For example, if we don't want them walking on the lawn, we need to take them out and physically practice walking up to the door and back on the sidewalk and not cutting across a law. If we want them to be polite and say please and thank you, we need to practice it with them.
Another part of keeping kids safe during Halloween is understanding their individual needs. For some kids, large crowds or "scary" looking houses may present a problem, so showing them how to respond to those situations will be extremely helpful to avoid meltdowns and anxious feelings.
The more you can prepare your child for what may happen on Halloween and how they need to respond, the better the actual night will go.
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Oct 13, 2021
Ep #157: When kids won‘t go to school
It's not unusual for kids to have days where they don't want to go to school, but what happens when your child flat out refuses to go?
The reason why your child is refusing to go to school could be because they are being bullied or made to feel unsafe. They may be experiencing high anxiety levels due to a new class, subject, or major changes to friends or family situations such as a divorce, death, or loss of a good friend. They may be experiencing depression, or they may have a learning disability that they are ashamed of.
It is essential to figure out what is causing their discomfort before addressing appropriate courses of action. We recommend using the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) to help you and your child together determine what should be done.
The SODAS Method allows you to see the pros and cons together, making a plan on what to do less overwhelming.
When making a plan, remember it's about what is best for your child and not necessarily what you want. While you may want your child in school full-time, a half-day may be in their best interest. Or your child may benefit from therapy or medication.
Once you make a plan, it's okay to revisit the plan in a week, month, or six months to determine if it's still effective or if it needs to be modified.
You can learn all about the skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) on SmarterParenting.com
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Oct 6, 2021
Ep #156: Using coping skills to help kids manage big emotions
Does your child throw tantrums? They are not doing it because they hate you, though sometimes it may feel like that. Instead, your child is feeling/dealing with large or unfamiliar emotions and doesn't know how to handle what they are going through, so they resort to anger, frustration, crying, or even silence.
Coping skills allow a child to better process what is happening safely. When using a coping skill, the goal is to bring a child back into a neutral or calm space.
There are hundreds of coping skills, also called calm down strategies, ranging from crumpling up a piece of paper to yoga or visualization. What will work best for your child will depend on various factors, such as how they learn and what they are naturally drawn to.
Teaching a child a coping skill in the middle of heightened emotions will not be effective. It's crucial to determine coping skills and to practice them at neutral times. Doing so will allow your child to become familiar with how those coping skills make their body feel.
Involving children in learning coping skills allows them to feel more invested in using them when they are upset. You can help them determine what coping skills would work best for them using Decision Making (SODAS Method).
At SmarterParenting.com, you can find a free worksheet that will walk you and your child through the SODAS Method.
Teaching children how to coping with unfamiliar feelings and situations will benefit them throughout their entire life. Successful adults are those who have learned how to manage when things become overwhelming or stressful.
Coping skills are beneficial for kids who have ADHD as it helps them process what is going on around them and brings them back to the present.
Helping a child learn how to calm down isn't always easy. If you need help, please sign up for a coaching session where one of our expert coaches will guide you and your family.
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Sep 29, 2021
Ep #155: How to manage multiple schedules
In today's episode, Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini gives parents practical advice for keeping family life balanced.
We all want what’s best for our children, and often we feel that means giving our children various opportunities to grow and cultivate talents. Yet, for many parents, managing numerous activities and schedules in addition to everything they need to do can feel overwhelming.
It is okay for parents to take stock of what is happening and make adjustments, including reducing their child’s activities, if needed. No one in the family benefits if mom or dad is grumpy, tired, or overwhelmed.
Parents should evaluate all extracurricular activities on whether they are essential and what the family can do. If you’re trying to figure out what is the best for your child and your family, we recommend using the SODAS Method to help you determine the best course of action.
The SODAS Method allows you to see the pros and cons, which will enable you to make the best-informed decision for you, your child, and your family.
You can find more information about the SODAS Method on the Smarter Parenting website.
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Sep 22, 2021
Ep #154: Keeping kids safe online
Kids are growing up with access to online, and parents must help them navigate that safely.
A one-size-fits-all approach to internet safety and usage isn't realistic. Your child's age and needs should determine screen time and internet usage and recommend using the same rules to both your child's online and virtual environment.
Parents should be monitoring what their child is doing online. You should be familiar with what apps, games, and websites they are visiting and what they are teaching. There are a lot of apps and articles that can give parents an idea of what their child is doing online. One we recommend is Common Sense Media. Parents can find additional app recommendations in the show notes at SmarterParenting.com
As they grow, how they interact with apps and online may change. It's essential to have continued conversations about what is appropriate and inappropriate. Effective Communication allows both parents and children to have meaningful, healthy, and productive discuss…
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Sep 15, 2021
Ep #153: Tips for creating routines that work
This episode is one you don't want to miss!
With kids returning to school, we could all use a little help in establishing, or reestablishing, routines that work for our family.
In today's podcast, Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen shares practical tips families can use to reduce stress and frustration regarding back-to-school routines, including opening up the lines of communication better and teaching them responsibility through family meetings.
Kids thrive on routines. They feel safe when they know what they should do—having patterns that work builds trust and strengthens relationships.
When establishing routines, it's vital to look at both the needs of the family and what is realistic. The worst thing you can do is to develop practices that create more issues and problems.
Establishing routines should be a collaboration between you and your child. When children have a say in routines, they are more likely to follow expectations. Having them create routines is a great way to he…
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Sep 8, 2021
Ep #152: How to get your child to accept no
As parents we tell our children "no" a lot. Those "no" answers are because we're tired, distracted, or have reached decision fatigue.
There are times when we need to say "no" to our child, but more frequently than not, there are times when we say no that we can say "yes."
Determining when we can say "yes" to our children's requests will help them gain confidence and strengthen your relationship.
When you're saying "no" to your child, ask yourself these questions about if you can say "yes."
Is it safe? Is it reasonable? Is it best for my child?
If you can answer "yes," it's okay to change your mind and to change a "no" answer to a "yes" response.
There will be times when "no means no," and your child needs to accept that, but you also have to be able to enforce it. A child knows when a "no" answer doesn't mean "no."
Using the skill of Preventive Teaching helps you prepare your child for getting and accepting a "no" answer.
You can learn more about the skill of Preventive Teachin…
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Sep 7, 2021
Announcement: Warm welcome to our newest Parenting Coach Kimber Petersen
We are excited to introduce our newest Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen!
Kimber comes with a wealth of knowledge in dealing with difficult and challenging behavior using the Teaching-Family Model.
You will be hearing more from Kimber in future podcast episodes and she is available for coaching.
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Sep 1, 2021
Ep #151: Feeling judged as a parent
Are you feeling judged as a parent? In fact, many parents feel judgment when it comes to how they are parenting.
Join Parenting Coaches Siope Kinikini and Kimber Petersen as they talk about why parents are feeling judged and what they can do about it.
We are all going to receive judgment about our parenting. Someone is going to think we are doing too much or not enough. The goal is to be able to receive that judgment and determine if it applies to you.
As the parent, you know your child and what they need best. What has worked for another child or another family may not work with yours. That is okay. That's how it should be. The most effective parenting happens when parents can adapt to the individualized needs of their children.
Often when we receive criticism or suggestions on parenting, it can be challenging to hear and causes us to get defensive or dismiss the advice.
The skill of Observe and Describe helps us stay grounded. Instead of getting all frustrated or upset, we can r…
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Aug 25, 2021
Ep #150:Dealing with parenting differences and finding common ground
We are excited to welcome our newest Parenting Coach, Kimber Petersen! Kimber brings a substantial wealth of knowledge and experience about what parents need to handle challenging behavior and improve their relationship.
We are excited for you to join us!
One of the questions we get asked frequently is how to deal with parenting differences, especially if co-parenting is involved? No two parents see eye to eye on everything. But parents can find common ground when dealing with their children as we want what is best for our child.
When parents find common ground, focus shifts from "I'm right, you're wrong" to "What is best for our child?". This shift is powerful as it allows parents to move past emotion and focus on their child's needs.
A lot of differences in parenting can be addressed by using the skill of Effective Communication. The skill of Effective Communication accomplishes two things. First, it puts both parents on the same page, which is essential because sometimes, what w…
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Aug 18, 2021
Ep #149: Seeing weaknesses as strengths
We all have weaknesses. Often though, those weaknesses can be strengths if we change how we look at them.
For example, the strength of a child that argues is that they feel confident in expressing their feelings and they know what they want.
The strength of a child who walks away during conflict is that they know their limits and don’t want to increase friction or say something they would later regret.
The strength of an indecisive child is that instead of rushing into decisions that could harm themselves or others, they take the time to look at all possible options logically.
When we can change our viewpoint and shift our perspective regarding what our child is doing, it will pay huge dividends.
One way that parents can shift their focus on see weaknesses as strengths is to use the skill of Effective Praise. Effective Praise lets a child know that you see the good they are doing and not just the bad, which gives your child confidence that you can help them.
If you want your ch…
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Aug 11, 2021
Ep #148: Time management strategies using the SODAS Method
Children with ADHD need help learning how to manage their time as many struggle with Executive Dysfunction. Executive Dysfunction means that they have difficulty planning, focusing, paying attention, remembering instructions, and performing goal-oriented tasks.
With the right tools and strategies, children with ADHD can thrive when completing tasks and managing their time.
When helping your child with time management, it’s essential to evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. For example. If your child has trouble concentrating when it comes to doing homework due to being easily distracted, remove potential distractions by creating an environment that helps them focus. If your child has difficulty remembering tasks, a system of smaller instructions with built-in rewards for completion will help your child be more successful.
Many kids with ADHD have found using the SODAS Method and timeboxing to be incredibly beneficial.
The SODAS Method helps children understand the pros and con…
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Aug 4, 2021
Ep #147: When parents disagree on parenting
When it comes to parenting, no two parents will do it the same, often leading to conflict as you try to prove to the other parent that "you are right."
Each parent brings a different history to their parenting and thus a different response. You may think that your partner is too soft or demanding regarding consequences or rewards, and they may feel the same.
Just because you were raised one way doesn't make it the best way to raise your child. When parents can approach parenting differences with an attitude of "What is best for my child?" vs. "I'm right, you're wrong," they can come up with solutions that are in the best interest of their child. That solution may be different for each child as each child is different.
When you focus on your child's needs and strengths, it will be easier for you to find common ground as both of you want what is best for your child.
The skill of Decision Making (SODAS Method) guides parents on how to find the best solution by showing the positives an…
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Jul 28, 2021
Ep #146: Moving beyond the ADHD label
Your child is not their diagnosis.
A diagnosis is a framework for how your child's brain works. A diagnosis does not usually tell you how to address the symptoms your child may be experiencing. No two children with the same diagnosis will manifest symptoms the same. Some children with ADHD will struggle with impulsivity, where other children may not.
By focusing on the behavior rather than the diagnosis is crucial in addressing the problem areas.
One of the skills we love to teach parents to use is Decision Making or the SODAS Method. Often when presented with a problem, we may think we have limited options. This belief is often especially true when we receive a diagnosis for our child and feel that that diagnosis is defining our child.
Using the SODAS Method, we can look at specific problems and develop solutions tailored to our children that will best address their needs.
For many parents having their child no longer defined by labels empowers the child to grow and develop.
You…
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Jul 21, 2021
Ep #145: Helping kids deal with emotional dysregulation using Effective Praise
If your child experiences extreme emotional responses to small events, such as spilling their milk or getting touched, they may be experiencing emotional dysregulation.
Emotional dysregulation means that their brain has difficulty distinguishing between events and their severity. In simple terms, it means that their brain often equates all experiences such as spilling their milk or losing a significant game with the same seriousness putting their body into fight or flight.
While it can be challenging to remember when your child is in the middle of a tantrum, emotional dysregulation is not a lack of parenting skills or a child being disrespectful to you as a parent.
When a child is experiencing emotional dysregulation, your goal as a parent should be to help them understand what is happening and give them tools to calm down and refocus. The behavior skill of Effective Praise does just that as it allows your child's brain to pause and reset by acknowledging that you are present and th…
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Jul 14, 2021
Ep #144: ADHD and trauma
The symptoms of ADHD and trauma are very similar. Frequently kids who have been diagnosed with ADHD also experience trauma.
Symptoms of both ADHD and trauma include:
* Inability to focus
* Lack of social connections
* Poor memory
* Emotional dysregulation
* Interrupted sleep
* Impulsivity
* Restlessness
Trauma can come from death, loss, bullying, experiencing a natural disaster or traumatic event, or physical, mental, or sexual abuse.
When a person is dealing with trauma, they often have difficulty processing what happened, so their mind and body live in a constant state of fight or flight as they continually relive what happened, which is exhausting and scary for children.
If your child has experienced trauma, we recommend seeking professional help in addressing the cause of the trauma.
When a child is in flight or fight mode, parents can use the behavior skill of Observe and Describe to help refocus on what is happening in the present.
Using Observe and Describe…
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Jul 7, 2021
Ep #143: Techniques to help kids with ADHD get things done
If you've given your child a task only to find out later that they've built a fort, read a book, or used their tablet instead of doing the job, welcome to parenting a child with ADHD.
Kids with ADHD get distracted easily. It's just a fact. They get distracted not because they aren't bright or motivated, rather because staying on a task is not something that comes easily or naturally to them, so it's essential to give them specific techniques that help them.
These techniques can include charts, visual aids, point systems, timers, and an environment that reduces distractions.
For example, if you want your child to clean their room, but they have a TV, computer, tablet, or phone, those distractions will make it harder for them to do what is needed. Instead, by removing these items or blocking access to them and having a step-by-step guide to cleaning their room, you make it easier for your child to do what they are supposed to.
The techniques will help reduce the distractions and make…
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Jun 30, 2021
Ep #142: Getting kids to listen without yelling
No parent likes giving the same instruction over and over again only to have it ignored. When parents reached this stage, they think their only course of action is to get their child's attention by yelling.
While yelling may get your child's attention, it can initiate their flight or fight response that will make it more difficult for them to do what you wanted of them in the first place.
There is a better way to engage with your child that creates connections. You develop better relationships with your child by investing in behavior skills and teaching your child your expectations.
The behavior skill Following Instructions teaches your child how to listen and do what you want them to do without either of you getting frustrated or angry, reducing stress and frustration.
Think of what your family life would look like if when you asked your child to do something, they did it without complaining? Wouldn't that change the whole dynamic of your family?
Teaching a new behavior skill req…
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Jun 23, 2021
Ep #141: Behavior skills will give you confidence in your parenting
Parenting stretches our abilities and, quite often, our confidence. It doesn't take too many tantrums for many parents to realize that they don't know how what to do. Then, just when you may think you finally have something figured out, another child with another personality comes along.
Parenting doesn't have to be such a struggle. Our goal at Smarter Parenting is to help parents feel confident in their ability to handle any parenting issue or challenge in a way that builds, not destroys, relationships.
The behavior skills we teach are a blueprint for better parenting. They show you what you can do to keep situations from escalating out of hand.
Every parent can use a little help as there is no such thing as a perfect parent. It's okay to admit that you need assistance, and recognizing that does not make you a bad parent.
The more parenting tool you have, the more confidence you will feel in your parenting! We can't wait to help you become an incredible parent.
Visit SmarterParen…
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Jun 16, 2021
Ep #140: Connecting with your child instead of controlling them
When a child cannot control their own emotions, it can be easy for parents to step in and do it for them. While it may help our child in the short term, it isn't a long-term solution. When parents "control" their child, it can lead to resentment and an inability to function in the real world without parent intervention. Instead, parents need to show their kids what they need to do to control their emotions.
Parents help kids control their emotions by teaching them specific skills that help them address what they are dealing with without losing control. When children have these skills, they have options instead of acting out.
The behavior skills we teach on SmarterParenting.com will give your child confidence, increase their self-esteem, and make your life easier as you aren't constantly stepping in to "fix" everything.
As you give your child more tools, you strengthen connections with your child, and they will feel that you have their best interest in mind.
When children feel that…
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Jun 9, 2021
Ep #139: Why parents shouldn't use corporal punishment when disciplining
When it comes to discipline, parents shouldn’t use corporal punishment. Corporal punishment is any physical, mental, or emotional pain inflicted on our kids
While corporal punishment may be effective in the short term, it can have adverse long-term effects. For example, studies have shown that children who have received physical punishments are more likely to show aggressive behavior as they grow older.
When we react with anger when overwhelmed or frustrated, we teach our children that it is okay for them to act that way when they feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
Children need discipline, but the aim of discipline should be to teach our kids, not punish them. When we teach them how to behave, we can prevent future problems as we are showing them a better way of doing things. When we teach, we are investing in a better and stronger relationship with our children.
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Jun 2, 2021
Ep #138: Changing defiant behavior
Dealing with defiant behavior can be difficult for many parents. They may feel that their child will never make any improvement, and dealing with defiant behavior will be forever a part of their family dynamic.
We 100% know that behavior skills can improve defiant behavior. To improve a child's behavior, though, it requires a parent to make some changes too.
It can be easy to think that defiant behavior is all our child's fault without realizing that our behavior or reaction may make their behavior worse. Are we too strict, and are they craving out some freedom? Are we too lenient and have learned that they can get whatever they want by acting out? Do we not listen and jump to conclusions when they are trying to explain something?
It's vital to evaluate what is happening in the home that may be contributing to your child's defiant behavior. You may think you're doing everything right, but your child may need something different than what you are doing.
Because every child is differ…
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May 26, 2021
Ep #137: Focusing on what kids do right
We’ve heard so many parents say, “My child doesn’t do anything right.” Even the “worst” kids do things right. In fact, they may be doing a lot right. If we‘re focusing on the “bad,” that will be all we see, and we will miss what they do well.
The skill of Effective Praise helps parents acknowledge what kids are doing well, even if it’s small. When we focus on the positive, we will see things change as our kids will respond to the praise and acknowledgment of what they’re doing right.
Using Effective Praise is different than just offering general praise. General praise is sayings like, “Good job,” “Way to go,” “I’m proud of you.” While all of these sounds great, they won’t change your child’s behavior because they don’t tell a child anything.
On the other hand, Effective Praise helps a child understand what they are doing well and why they should continue it. Effective Praise is specific and tailored to your child and what they are doing.
Ef…
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May 19, 2021
Ep #136: Using behavior skills with ADHD and ODD
Many children with ADHD also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Understanding the difference between these two diagnoses will help parents better understand how to help their child.
Whether your child has ADHD, ODD, or both, the skills we teach on Smarter Parenting will work to help improve your child’s behavior. How you implement the skills will change depending on your child’s diagnosis because your child will need different things depending on their diagnosis.
Do you wonder if your child has ODD? All children can have moments of difficulty when they are angry or argue. Children with ODD show persistent anger, moodiness, arguing, defiance, or vindictiveness towards you or other authority figures. Their behavior goes beyond normal child’s behavior.
Children with ODD tend to angry, irritable, argumentative, or defiant and deliberately annoy, upset, or blame others for their mistakes. Children with ODD tend not to take responsibility for their actions, making them less l…
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May 12, 2021
Ep #135: Recognizing our parenting weaknesses
Recognizing our parenting weaknesses can be challenging. It is never easy to admit that how we are parenting may not be working.
All parents struggle at times when it comes to parenting. We all come with our own baggage when it comes to parenting.
Struggling as a parent does not make you a failure. If you are struggling, it just means that something needs to change. Lasting change requires work and often doesn’t happen overnight.
This can be especially true when trying to implement a new behavior skill with our children. We may not see a behavior skill working right away and assume that the skills don’t work. They work!
Because each child and each family is different, it may take longer for it to click with a child or for a family to develop the consistency they need to create change.
Parents that stick with learning new behavior skills will eventually see incredible, long-lasting outcomes. Parents who are diligent in using the skills of the Teaching-Family Model report increa…
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May 5, 2021
Ep #134: Preventing parenting burnout
Are you feeling burnt-out as a parent? Is that burnout affecting your relationship with your family?
Parental burnout is more common today than previously due to many factors that previous generations didn't have to deal with.
Parenting has changed and raising kids isn't always easy. All parents struggle at some point with feeling overwhelmed, dealing with communication or behavior struggles.
When we feel burnt-out as a parent, it can cause us to become emotionally distant from our family. It can lead us to not finding happiness in being a parent. It can lead to us feeling isolated and alone. It can make us feel unsupported.
It's important when we are struggling as a parent to be able to reach out and connect with someone else. To build a community that supports and lifts us when we are feeling overwhelmed. This community could include your partner, family members, friends, or neighbors.
If you are one of those parents who feel that you are doing it all and that you're getting no…
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Apr 28, 2021
Ep #133: Parenting wisdom from The Karate Kid
You can become a parenting master who knows how to help your child best. It just takes a little practice.
We hear from parents constantly that Role-playing, aka the practicing, is the hardest part of learning a new skill.
The practicing is where the magic happens. Practicing allows your child to create muscle memory and be confident in what they need to do. Practicing is where you will see how well your child understands what is taught.
When we are little, it's common for us to practice new things. We practice them in school. We practice them at home. As we grow, though, we practice less, which can make Role-playing a new skill awkward or uncomfortable.
Practicing doesn't have to be scary. Practicing should be fun!
There are many ways to practice something new, including using games or activities. We encourage parents to be creative when practicing with their children. Some methods will work better depending on your child.
We've turned picking up clothes into a game. We've used r…
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Apr 21, 2021
Ep #132: Helping a child calm down from a tantrum
Have you ever wondered how to help your child when they are out of control? Are you unsure of what to do when your child is tantruming or defiant, and nothing seems to be working?
On today's podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is joined by Naomi Halterman, director of training at Utah Youth Village. In this episode, they discuss what parents can do to help their child when their child is feeling out of control by using the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model.
Dealing with a child who is throwing a tantrum is never easy as it requires a lot of patience to get them back into control. A child's tantrum can involve anger, crying, defiance, or even ignoring you and will look different in younger kids versus older kids.
When teaching to a child's tantrum, remember that your goal is to help them get to a state where they can do what is asked of them without resorting to tantrum behaviors. No matter what tantrum behavior they are experiencing, how you address it remains the sam…
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Apr 14, 2021
Ep #131: Creating a safe place for kids to talk about hard topics
Creating a safe space where our children can talk about anything takes work but is incredibly important in building and strengthening our relationships.
Our kids will have questions about complex topics, and if they don't feel they can come to us, they will seek out answers elsewhere and may get information that is incorrect or goes against our belief system.
Children ask difficult questions because they are trying to make sense of the world and their place in it. We want our kids to feel comfortable asking difficult questions and need to permit them to do so.
We understand that sometimes these complex topics are triggering and can cause parents to have an emotional response or to shut down. As parents, we want to create gates, not walls, when our children approach us. Gates allow us to guide and understand where walls teach our children that what they are curious about is a problem.
The skill of Effective Communication helps parents create those gates by helping both parties feel…
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Apr 7, 2021
Ep #130: This is not what I signed up for | When ADHD symptoms aren't textbook
When your child receives an ADHD diagnosis, you may think you understand what parenting them will look like. What happens when it doesn't? What do you do when your child doesn't have "typical" ADHD symptoms. How do you help them?
There is no such thing as a "typical" child--every child is unique and needs something different, often making parenting challenging as you try to figure out what they need.
While most people think of ADHD, they tend to associate hyperactivity as the primary behavior. ADHD behaviors involve more than just hyperactivity. A child with ADHD may be inattentive, have difficulty focusing, lack self-control, or have anger issues.
When parenting your child, whether or not they have ADHD isn't what you were expecting, the parenting skills we teach at SmarterParenting.com are your solutions.
Parenting skills allow you to address your child's behavior in positive ways that encourage growth and development instead of resorting to tactics that damage your child's relat…
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Mar 31, 2021
Ep #129: Why you're seeing increased negative behaviors
If you've seen an increase in negative behaviors since the beginning of the pandemic, you are not alone.
The uncertainty and change in routine have been difficult for many families, especially for children, as they don't know how to deal with all the changes happening around them appropriately.
Kids thrive on routines as those routines allow them to feel safe and in control while understanding the world around them. When patterns are altered and keep are continually adjusted, they often don't know how to process them.
Children act up because they're feeling overwhelmed, worried, scared, sad, frustrated, stressed, etc. Understanding why they may act up allows parents to address better the root cause of what is causing their problematic behavior.
If you understand that they're acting up because they're feeling overwhelmed, you can create daily opportunities for them to meditate or take a break. If online school is causing them frustration or stress, you can implement procedures to re…
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Mar 24, 2021
Ep #128: Neurodiversity and helping kids who learn differently
Neurodiversity believes that children with ADHD, Autism, or other neurological diagnoses don't have a learning disability. Instead, they learn differently. Processing information differently does not make them stupid or "bad." Understanding that they learn differently allows parents to empower their children.
By reframing your child's diagnosis, we can frame their challenges as differences rather than deficits.
It is especially true when it comes to challenging behaviors. If you have had a hard time improving their behavior, it's not because they're inherently bad, but rather how you're communicating with your child isn't how they learn. The great news is that you can help them move beyond their negative behaviors to more positive behaviors using the Teaching-Family Model.
The Teaching-Family Model is influential in changing behavior because it incorporates different learning styles, setting a child up for success. It doesn't matter if your child has ADHD or not; all can find succes…
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Mar 17, 2021
Ep #127: When you love your child but don't always like your child
It’s normal to love our children and want to do anything for them, but not always like them because their behavior makes life difficult.
When your child’s behavior drives you nuts, you may wonder what you can do or what you need to focus on to help your child change their behavior.
One of the reasons children act out at home is that they feel safe, and part of feeling safe is testing boundaries to figure out the world around them, which is a good thing.
When we give into a child’s demand, it signals to them that this is something they can come to expect, so being consistent is so important.
When parents are constantly changing the game plan, it’s confusing for children and can cause them to act up. The more consistent you are, the safer your children will feel, reducing the need for them to act up.
One reason kids may do well at school, but then not so well at home, is because most classrooms operate with consistent schedules and expectations.
As a parent, you can create…
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Mar 10, 2021
Ep #126: Why kids see time differently
How kids see time is very different than how you see time. Understanding this will be so helpful when you are dealing with giving instructions.
Children see time as happening slowly, while adults see time as happening quickly. This is due to children getting more visual stimuli versus the stimulus that adults are receiving. When you get more visual stimuli, time appears to pass more slowly.
Your child is absorbing so much information every moment of the day, which is why your child moves "slowly" when getting ready, doing their chores, or doing their homework.
This concept is especially true when you say something to your child like, "We need to leave in 15 minutes," or "You have 5 minutes to complete this chore." Those measurements of time will mean something completely different to your child than it will to you. Because of this, your child doesn't understand why they are in trouble, or you're getting frustrated when the time is up because, in their mind, they still have time.
Wh…
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Mar 3, 2021
Ep #125: The skills are solutions
Are you looking for solutions to parenting challenges?
The behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model taught in this podcast are the solutions to your parenting needs!
Need help with tantrums? You can use the skill of Correcting Behaviors or Preventive Teaching.
Need help creating a better connection with your child? You can use Effective Communication or Effective Praise.
Need help reducing a problem behavior? You can use Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.
The wonderful thing about the Teaching-Family Model is that there are multiple skills parents can use to fix problems depending on what needs their child has and what outcomes the parents are looking for.
The ability to use multiple skills allows a parent to customize how they respond, leading to increased success.
The Teaching-Family Model's goal is to create confident parents by giving them all the tools you need to deal with any situation.
For over 50 years, hundreds of families worldwide hav…
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Feb 24, 2021
Ep #124: The difference between coaching and therapy
Have you wondered what is the difference between coaching and therapy or tried to determine which would be best for your family?
In this episode, we discuss the difference between coaching and therapy and how you can determine your child's needs.
Therapy is focused on healing from mental health issues and the difficult emotions you're feeling because of your mental health issues. Mental health issues include the diagnosis such as depression, anxiety, Autism, trauma, and PTSD. A therapist is someone who is licensed to address these specific issues.
On the other hand, a coach is someone you go to when you want to get unstuck and set achievable goals. A coach helps you replace unhealthy or unsuccessful habits with new ones.
Both coaching and therapy can be beneficial to your child. Many parents will do both coaching and therapy as a way to address difficulties more comprehensively.
The goal in deciding between coaching, therapy, or both is to determine what would be the best course o…
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Feb 17, 2021
Ep #123: How to talk to your kids about racism and other difficult topics
We can talk to our children about racism, religion, politics, sex, drugs, or social issues without the conversations turning into a heated debate.
When topics are challenging to discuss, we tend to avoid talking about them.
We need to talk about these crucial issues. Change doesn't happen until we can talk about these issues without getting defensive or emotional.
You don't have to know everything, or even agree, but being able to really listen to your child's concerns and answer any question honestly is vital in creating an atmosphere of trust and acceptance.
Talking about complicated topics isn't easy for most children. If you respond with anger or frustration, they will stop coming to you for advice.
If they don't feel comfortable talking to you, they will find someone they do feel comfortable talking with, and you may not always like the advice they receive.
The skill of Effective Communication is life-changing. When a child can feel heard and understood, even if you don't al…
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Feb 10, 2021
Ep #122: Special education and the law with Catherine Michael
It can be frustrating and disheartening at times to find resources, and even information about resources within school systems. There is hope!
Today, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, speaks with attorney Catherine Michael to learn about the laws and options available to provide the appropriate resources and accommodations your child needs to succeed in school.
Sometimes schools and educators don’t know what resources are available or what they are legally required to provide for your child.
It is never too late to help your child get the resources they need. Help and hope are there for you and your child.
Catherine Michael’s Kindle book “The Exceptional Parent's Guide to Special Education Law and Advocacy” is available at Amazon.com.
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Feb 3, 2021
Ep #121: It's okay not to be okay
As parents, we may feel that we need to be the ones that hold it together for our families. That we need to operate at inhuman levels all the time and that we're not allowed to feel less than that.
If this pandemic has taught us anything, it's been that it's okay not to be okay all the time. As a parent, you are allowed to have emotions and to feel them. You are allowed to need breaks or have an off day.
These things do not make you a terrible parent. They make you a real one. They make you a relatable one.
Sometimes, by keeping it all together all the time, we are sending the wrong message to our children. We may see it as being strong, but our children may learn that it's not okay for them to struggle and have off days. Or that it's not okay to discuss difficult topics.
Which is not what we want them to learn. We want to help our children learn how to manage their emotions and fears in healthy and productive ways instead of sweeping them into a corner or covering them up.
When p…
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Jan 27, 2021
Ep #120: Coping with pandemic exhaustion and changing needs
As this pandemic wears on, we feel the exhaustion of constant changes and frustration that things aren't back to normal.
How we need to parent has changed. Finding success now means being able to adapt and change our expectations.
If you are still insisting on parenting how you did pre-pandemic, you are only setting yourself up for failure. Even when the pandemic is over, things won't go back 100% to what they were before.
There is both a technical and an artistic side to parenting. The Teaching-Family Model skills are effective, both pre-pandemic and pandemic, because they address both the technical and artistic side of parenting. The technical side is the actual steps of the skills, which never change. That consistency is essential in helping your child feel safe amid change. The artistic side of the skills is how you implement them to address your child's individualized needs. The flexibility allows your child to feel seen.
This combination is powerful in helping you adjust as t…
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Jan 20, 2021
Ep #119: Creating normalcy when things feel uncertain
When things get upended, we want to find a sense of normalcy for ourselves and our kids. This need for normalcy has been especially needed over the last year as parents have dealt with a global pandemic, economic hardship, school closures, and racial and political tensions.
When dealing with all of these events, is it even possible to offer normalcy? Yes.
You will not be able to offer normalcy in everything--it just isn’t possible. You can find specific things to provide normalcy, such as morning or bedtime routines, exercise routines, chores, family schedules, family outings, etc.
For example, you may be doing school online, but you can still practice your in school morning routine by having them get ready for the day and having them leave the house and then come back in as it signals to your child, “Hey, nothing has changed even though how we do school has changed.”
Having a sense of normalcy is essential for kids who struggle with changes in routines and feel anxious or ou…
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Jan 15, 2021
Bonus episode: In difficult times, seek out the helpers
Hi, friends. Checking-in as we know that the world feels very chaotic right now and it can be hard to know how to best handle the chaos.
This is a bonus episode of the ADHD Smarter Parenting podcast. We felt like it was important to reach out to you and to help you navigate everything that's happening in the world today. Along with the pandemic and all of the other things that have been happening around the world, this is a trying time for parents and especially for children. I wanted to give you some tips and suggestions on things for you to consider as you navigate this difficult time.
There's specifically three things I want you to be aware of. Number one, be aware that you are the filter for your children. The way things are transpiring and the way that things are happening, they are seeing the world not only for themselves, but also through the filter that you give them. So be careful and be aware of the way that you present the information, the way that you share the informatio…
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Jan 13, 2021
Ep #118: When a child's negative behavior affects the whole family
When one child requires more attention, it can throw the family dynamic off or cause other children to adopt the negative behaviors to get increased attention. As a parent, it can be hard to navigate how to deal with all the family's needs in a way that works for everyone. When things aren't balanced, often parents feel a lot of guilt and stress, and in trying to make things fair or right with their other children, they may actually be inadvertently adding to the imbalance.
Our children have different personalities and different needs. As a parent, we want things to be equal for our children. We think we are equal by spending equal amounts of time, giving equal attention, or dealing with them in the same way. Fair doesn't mean equal. In fact, for some children, too much time actually could make them feel anxious or nervous. What is important is that how we interact with them fulfills their needs.
Convey this idea to our children that fair doesn't mean equal is essential. Once childre…
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Jan 6, 2021
Ep #117: I am not the parent I thought I would be
If you're struggling feeling like you're failing as a parent, this podcast will give you hope!
What parent hasn't thought, "I didn't think I'd be like this as a parent"? Because raising kids isn't always easy as kids push our buttons and test boundaries, and, sometimes, we don't always respond how we wish we would.
You don't have to live with guilt or regret. Becoming the parent you want to be is possible. Yes, really! Change is possible, and you can set your family and your relationships on a new course by learning the behavior skills we teach on SmarterParenting.com.
When parents have a toolbox full of behavior tools, they can feel confident knowing they can handle any situation in the best way possible. The same goes for your kids. When they learn behavior skills, they understand they have options for how they respond, allowing them to make better choices.
We want you to succeed. We want to help you become the parent you want to be. You can do it!
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Dec 30, 2020
Ep #116: Using Effective Communication to build deeper connections
Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini continues his story about how Effective Communication helps survivors of human trafficking in Africa and allows them to begin the healing process and how the same outcome is possible for kids with ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, etc.
Children who have experienced trauma have difficulty discussing that trauma and trusting adults. Effective Communication provides a safe space for them to feel comfortable talking about what they have experienced.
Effective Communication is a powerful tool because it can deepen relationships, no matter what a child is experiencing. Effective Communication allows a child to feel heard and understood, which, in turn, will enable them to open up and discuss difficult topics.
Families that have open lines of communication, are able to discuss difficult subjects and situations in constructive ways that lead to solutions instead of arguments and judgment.
The Teaching-Family Model allows parents to tailor their interactions with their c…
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Dec 23, 2020
Ep #115: Working with organizations that help victims of human trafficking
Today's episode covers a challenging topic, human trafficking, as we share how we've taught the Teaching-Family Model skills to help aftercare organizations in Africa help survivors.
An estimated 2.5 million children and adults worldwide are victims of human trafficking each year. A staggering number that many organizations are looking to reduce. Those rescued often go through an aftercare program that allows them to learn how to heal, how to prevent it from happening again, and learn skills that will enable employment.
We have worked with various organizations to help the survivors through recovery by providing resources and teaching them the skills of the Teaching-Family Model. Our mission at Smarter Parenting is to heal and elevate families around the world. One of the reasons various agencies have approached us is that the Teaching-Family Model is proven to work with kids who have experienced trauma and is culturally sensitive. Because we have chosen to fulfill our mission mainly…
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Dec 16, 2020
Ep #114: Helping kids focus and stay on task
In this episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers parents' questions about anxiety and helping kids focus, especially when it comes to remote learning.
While kids are amazing and adaptable, remote learning has been a challenge for many as it has required them to learn new skills and take a different role in their education. This shift has been more comfortable for some kids, while others have struggled with online learning as the pandemic has increased their anxiety.
If your child struggles with staying focused during remote learning, you may wonder what you can do? The good news is that you can make some small changes to help your child better pay attention. These strategies include:
* Reducing distractions.
* Getting out excess energy before they start.
* Allowing them breaks.
* Making doable to-do lists that help them stay on task and understand what they need to do.
It would be best if you tailored strategies to your child's needs and personality. It may take some…
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Dec 9, 2020
Ep #113: Why the Teaching-Family Model creates lasting change
Understanding how the Teaching-Family came about and how it's been used to change children and families helps parents better understand the Teaching-Family Model's power in their lives.
In this episode, Eric Bjorklund, President of Utah Youth Village, talks about how the Teaching-Family Model came to be, the research that's gone into proving its effectiveness, and how it's used worldwide. He shares stories of how he's used the Teaching-Family Model as a dad and the difference it made in his relationships with his kids, and the success that Utah Youth Village has witnessed.
Smarter Parenting is a division of Utah Youth Village and was created to help families worldwide access the power of the Teaching-Family Model.
The Teaching-Family Model was developed in the 1960s to deal with children who had challenging behavior. The researchers found that they could teach children how to be successful long-term by teaching them specific behavioral skills that allow them to learn, grow, and chan…
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Dec 2, 2020
Ep #112: Creating family routines that work
Creating family routines that work are tricky enough during the best of times. With the constant changes to work and school schedules brought about because of the pandemic, it can be hard to feel like you're finding a routine that works for your family.
When determining a schedule, take into consideration the needs of your family and their personalities. Does your family do better on more or less structure? Do your kids do better when given some freedom? Are they more of a morning or an evening person?
Understanding your family's needs will help you create a schedule that works for how your family functions. If your family likes a lot of structure, a routine with very little structure won't be effective.
Because of the different needs of your family, you may need multiple schedules. That's okay. The purpose of a family routine is to help each family member in a way that works for them.
Don't feel guilty if your family routine doesn't look like popular routines. It's okay to have mo…
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Nov 25, 2020
Ep #111:Why consequences aren't working
Have you ever given a consequence that hasn't worked? We know we have.
Implementing consequences that work to change behavior can be difficult for many parents. Often, we continue to give consequences repeatedly that don't work, which only increases our frustration level.
Learning how to give consequences that work is made easier when parents use Effective Negative Consequences. Effective Negative Consequences gives parents the 5 elements they need to make a consequence work for their child.
Giving consequences that work is difficult because no two children or situations are the same, even though we often treat them the same.
Parents may struggle with consequences because consequences are often given as an emotional response where "grounding them for a year" seems like a good idea. Consequences given as an emotional response don't tend to be as effective because they are often too big.
When you give consequences that are too big for the behavior, often you aren't able to follow th…
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Nov 18, 2020
Ep #110: Anxiety management strategies for kids
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Children with ADHD often deal with other issues, including anxiety. The combination of both ADHD and anxiety can make it doubly hard for them to effectively handle situations where they're expected to behave a certain way.
Teaching them anxiety management strategies allows them to plan for and deal with situations in a way that reduces their anxiety. Anxiety management strategies don't have to be complicated. The most successful calming strategies are those that your child can do no matter the situation.
Some calm down strategies include breathing techniques, visualizing feelings, and physical grounding.
When teaching them calming techniques, it's essential to work with your child and model what you would like them to do. By modeling what they need to do, your child understands what is expected, removing confusion.
Using the ABC's of Behavior, you can find ways to address situations before, during, and after. The m…
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Nov 11, 2020
Ep #109: Individualizing rewards and consequences
As parents, we want things to be fair when we give rewards or consequences. Fair does not mean the same as no two children or situations are the same.
Individualizing rewards and consequences improve their effectiveness as it shows your child that you are interested in their likes and dislikes. It also makes sure you're giving a reward or consequence that matters to your child. For example, one child may see not playing with friends as a consequence where another might see that as a reward.
If the reward or consequence doesn't matter to your child, it will not help them learn.
The goal of rewards and consequences is to teach your child what you expect. They should never be used to punish your child. Punishing always goes to the extreme, which is less effective than starting small and adding consequences as needed.
When you focus on teaching your child, it helps your child move forward and know what to do next time. This knowledge increases their self-confidence and ability to make…
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Nov 4, 2020
Ep #108: Being more effective when giving consequences and rewards
Giving more effective consequences and rewards require parents to understand the difference between values and interests.
Values and interests are separate and serve different purposes, especially when helping change your child’s behavior using either Effective Negative Consequences or Effective Positive Rewards.
Values are what you believe and what you want your child to learn—things like confidence, hard work, honesty, kindness, and integrity. Interests are things that you like to do—such as playing sports, music, or travel.
Parents should use interest to help teach values when giving an Effective Negative Conseqeunces or an Effective Positive Rewards. For example, parents can use the interest of time with friends to teach the values of purpose, hard work, honesty, accountability, or responsibility. By combining both values and interests, you will be more successful.
Effective Negative Consequences and Effective Positive Rewards are two sides of the same coin and can both b…
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Oct 28, 2020
Ep #107: How to communicate with those you disagree with
If there is one podcast we recommend listening to in the wake of what is going on globally, this is it.
We hope you will share it once you have listened to it.
Many have lost the ability to discuss topics they feel strongly about with someone who doesn't share their viewpoint without it turning ugly. Cancel culture, name-calling, fear of retribution, and lack of civility are alive and well.
This lack of civility is dangerous because it doesn't encourage growth or moving forward. Instead, we become even more passionate about what we believe.
We don't have to agree with someone, but we can learn to communicate openly and safely that fosters understanding. We must teach our children how to do this as we want a world where our children can express themselves and allow others to do the same.
Our view of the world is shaped by what we have experienced, and we view those experiences as sacred. When those beliefs are attacked, it can feel very personal, which creates an emotional response…
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Oct 27, 2020
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https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
With three tiers, you will find the level of help your family needs. The Silver Tier is our self-coaching where you will have access to recorded coaching sessions, the Smarter Parenting course, weekly Q&A sessions, as well as exclusive club content.
The Gold Tier gives you access to everything in the Silver Tier plus one coaching session a month with our Parenting Coach.
The Platinum Tier includes everything in the Silver Tier plus 3 coaching sessions a month with our Parenting Coach.
We can't wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!
https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
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Oct 21, 2020
Ep #106: When parents aren't on the same page
Not on the same page as your partner when it comes to parenting? You are not alone. How do we get on the same page is one of the most frequently asked parenting questions we receive.
No two parents’ parent the same. Because of life experiences, including how they were raised, it’s not uncommon for parents to have different parenting styles and priorities. The goal is to find ways to work through parenting differences and find solutions that both parents are happy with and implement.
If you and your partner can’t agree, it leads to inconsistent parenting practices. Inconsistent parenting practices are problematic for children as it sends mixed messages, and they are never entirely sure what they are supposed to do and who they should follow. For example, if you believe that your child must do chores, but your partner doesn’t, how does your child know what to do?
When dealing with conflict resolution, Harvard University’s course on conflict resolution recommends the followin…
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Oct 14, 2020
Ep #105: Helping kids who struggle with correction
Most children don't like being corrected. For some children, that correction can be difficult and paralyzing. Children who struggle more than normal with being corrected may be suffering from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria means that they don't handle rejection well and get very upset if someone criticizes them, often to the point of focusing only on the criticism. For example, you could give a hundred positives about something they did well, but all they will remember is the one small criticism in a 100 positives.
Children with ADHD tend to be more prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and can believe they are a problem instead of having a problem.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is real and can cause difficulties in relationships, school, and jobs. They tend to blame themselves, focus on the negative, or have trouble believing any praise given to them.
Correcting Behaviors' goal is to help them see that the correction doesn't mean they are a t…
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Oct 7, 2020
Ep #104: Investing in your child and your relationship
As parents, we have limited time to invest in our children. We can, though, make our investment count--even with limited time. How? By focusing our energy and efforts on the areas that will create the most return by using Effective Praise.
Effective Praise helps you focus on what your children are doing well, no matter how small, and letting them know what you saw.
Using the skill of Effective Praise builds your relationship in multiple ways.
* It signals to your child that they matter. When children feel like they are valued, they are more likely to respond positively to correction.
* It focuses on the positive instead of the negative. Where we focus our energy is what will grow. The more positive interactions we have with our children now, the more positive interactions we will have with them in the future.
* It helps your child understand what is expected of them. By pointing out the positive, you are encouraging them to repeat that behavior in the future.
* It strengthen…
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Sep 30, 2020
Ep #103: Creating a foundation for success with Following Instructions
Following Instructions builds the foundation for a successful life.
Following Instructions reduces frustration, arguing, and talking back. It keeps kids focused on what is expected of them while preparing them for the future.
Following Instructions helps parents build and repair the relationships with their child.
Learn more about Follow Instructions: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/following-instructions/
Join the Smarter Parenting Club: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
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Sep 23, 2020
Ep #102: Helping kids stay focused and on task
Under the best of circumstances, children can have a hard time staying focused and staying on task. What kids--and families--are experiencing during this time is not normal.
Having to frequently check-up on your child and correct their behavior can exacerbate the pressure you're under. When parents feel overwhelmed, it can be easy to respond in ways that we can make the problems worse, so it's important to learn Correcting Behaviors' skill.
The way we correct our child can either damage or strengthen our relationship with them. Because of this, it's essential to be strategic in how we address problems.
When a correction is given with love and trust, your child will grow up feeling that way. If corrections are given from a place of anger or frustration, your child will grow up feeling that they are the problem instead of believing they have a problem that needs to be solved.
If you are struggling with addressing certain behaviors, we recommend creating a script of what you will do o…
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Sep 16, 2020
Ep #101: Teaching your kid to function without you
As parents, we want to teach our children to function without us. We want them to know what to do in any situation. We want them to be able to be an advocate for themselves. We want them to be successful at school, work, and in their relationships.
If we want our children to know what to do when we are not around. We have to Role-play it, and then Role-play it repeatedly until they are comfortable and know how to do it. Without practice, it is hard for children to remember what they are supposed to do as our brains only remember so much information at a time. It’s the practicing that makes something real to a child, not the words we tell them.
Role-playing is an often underutilized skill, but it is one of the most important ones in preparing our kids for the future. You can Role-play with both young children and teenagers. You can Role-play any situation, from making friends, knowing how to interview for a job, or what to do when someone is mean.
Role-playing doesn’t require any…
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Sep 9, 2020
Ep #100: How to give consequences that work
Welcome to episode 100! We are so grateful for all of you and look forward to the next 100 episodes!
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Giving consequences that work can be tricky. Frequently when giving a consequence, parents tend to go to the extreme, which leaves parents nowhere to go if it doesn't work.
A consequence aims to teach our child. Consequences are not punishments. When giving a consequence, parents should ask themselves, "What is the least amount of consequence to get my child to stop the negative behavior?"
Consequences must meet the five components of Effective Negative Consequences.
* First, the consequence needs to be immediate and…
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Sep 2, 2020
Ep #99: Creating connection with your child
One of the best ways to create connections with your kids is to acknowledge what they are doing. We all want to feel that someone sees us.
Observe and Describe is a beautiful tool to help parents deepen connections with their kids as it allows them to describe what is happening without judgment or emotion. This is especially helpful when children struggle to communicate or if communication tends to be hostile.
When you use Observe and Describe with your child, or anybody for that matter, it signals to them that you are present and that what they are doing matters to you. This knowledge will strengthen your relationship as they will feel that they can come to you about anything, and you will be there for them.
The more you use Observe and Describe, the more your children will reciprocate and show you the respect and understanding you are showing them. Which will help them to better understand and communicate with all people they come in contact with.
The world can be a challenging p…
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Aug 26, 2020
Ep #98: Helping kids go back to school
Helping kids go back to school, whether in person, online, or a hybrid, is different this year.
Knowing how to best deal with all the new challenges and unknowns can feel overwhelming. How do you keep your kids safe from Covid-19? How do you balance online learning and work responsibility? How do you keep kids focused?
In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini tackles those very issues and shows parents what they can do to find solutions that work for their family and their situation.
You can prepare and help your child find success this year. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it can’t be a great year.
This is a podcast you don’t want to miss!
For additional resources, full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting club and get access to exclusive content. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
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Aug 19, 2020
Ep #97: Feeling hopeful for the future
You can feel hopeful for the future. Yes, even in trying times, it is possible to feel that the future has incredible opportunities.
Every generation has faced struggles and challenges that have required new thoughts and preparations. Those who thrived were those who learned how to prepare for future challenges.
You can do the same. You can help your child do the same too.
Think of yourself as an airplane pilot. When you're able to predict and prepare for what is happening ahead, it's comforting to your child. Not only do they see that they can trust you, they also feel empowered because they have things they can do to weather what is coming up.
It's exactly what the skill of Preventive Teaching does. It allows you to prepare your child for anything that may happen in the future and gives them strategies that they can use that will work. When children feel prepared, it will reduce anxiety and increase their confidence.
You will love this podcast. You will feel comforted by the fac…
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Aug 12, 2020
Ep #96: Strengthening emotional connections with your child
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It’s only natural for children to seek out situations where they feel confident, competent, independent, and autonomous. As discussed in the previous podcast, many children turn to video games to help fulfill these needs. Parents can counter the positives children receive from playing video games by using Effective Praise.
Effective Praise can increase your connection with your child as it teaches you how to validate the good things your child is doing. When children feel approved by their parents, it increases their confidence, competence, independence, and autonomy, which strengthens the emotional bond you have with them.
Getting praise signals to your child, “Hey, my parents are proud of me. My parents see what I’m doing well. I like it when they notice it. I want to keep doing this so they continue.”
As that bond strengthens, the benefits will be that your child listens to you more. They will spend more time with you. They will seek out…
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Aug 5, 2020
Ep #95:Why video games are so addictive and what parents can do
One of the questions Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini gets asked frequently is how to help kids deal with video game addiction, and in this podcast, he shows parents how they can help their child by using Effective Praise.
Why are video games so addictive? They are designed to fill four psychological needs in your children, trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, and fulfill these needs time and time again. The more kids play, the more they want to play because playing video games makes them feel good. It's also why kids can have a hard time when they are required to quit as they may not be getting the same level of reinforcement in the real world as they are getting from the virtual world.
A study on why video games are so addictive can be found here.
http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2010_PrzybylskiRigbyRyan_ROGP.pdf
Effective Praise fulfills your child's need for trust, confidence, mastery, and autonomy, which, in turn, allows them to thrive in the real world. Par…
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Jul 29, 2020
Ep #94: Improving communication and increasing comprehension: Part 2
How do you communicate with a child who doesn’t want to talk? In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini answers what parents can do when experiencing tension in communication.
When our children are having difficulty communicating, it’s our job to help them learn how to do it. Often that requires us to reframe our thoughts on what is happening. It can be easy to take their lack of communication as a personal slight, do not. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.
Children can be resistant to communication because they don’t know how or don’t feel comfortable giving their opinions because they’re afraid of how someone will respond.
Creating a space when they can communicate will be difficult for many parents as they will want to feel that space with their thoughts instead of allowing their children to express themselves. But the best thing you can do is to create this space as it will allow your child to open up and truly express thems…
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Jul 22, 2020
Ep #93: Improving communication and increasing comprehension: Part 1
Most of us communicate to be heard, not necessarily to be understood.
Think about that for a second. Think about how much time and frustration we could reduce if we changed HOW we communicated. We would no longer spend as much time arguing or fighting, and we would see our relationships improve and our kids--and others--would like being around us.
What parent wouldn’t want that?
It’s not easy to change how we communicate. The behavior skill of Effective Communication gives parents the steps they need to communicate in a way that allows for comprehension.
This is so so important. When someone feels genuinely listened to and heard, they are more likely to open up about issues, come to you for advice, and seek solutions.
Comprehension doesn’t mean that your child will always agree with what is being said, but they will understand why something is in place.
When everybody feels heard and understood, incredible things happen.
Learn the skill: https://www.smarterparenting.com/sk…
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Jul 15, 2020
Ep #92: Creating change and increasing confidence: Part 2
In this episode, we continue our discussion on how Role-playing creates change and increases confidence in children and adults. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, we recommend you go back to episode 91.
https://adhd.smarterparenting.com/e/ep-91-creating-change-while-increasing-confidence-part-1/
All of us have biases based on our life experiences. These biases can make it hard for us to see another person’s viewpoint, which can hinder communication. One of the benefits of Role-playing is that it allows us to feel empathy for another person which helps us break down our biases. By understanding where someone is coming from, we can focus on building better relationships as we can improve and positively address things. This is especially important for helping your child with ADHD as they tend to see the world differently, and understanding how they see it goes a long way to understanding and finding solutions.
These biases also come into play in how we process the good or bad that…
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Jul 8, 2020
Ep #91: Creating change and increasing confidence: Part 1
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Have you ever expected your kid to behave a certain way and then got frustrated when they didn’t?
We have.
Just because you know what to do at a restaurant or greet someone, doesn’t mean that they do. Kids act up because they don’t know how to act. If you want them to behave a certain way, they need to be shown how, and they need to practice.
It’s why Role-playing is so helpful for children. Role-playing allows them to know what is expected and helps them practice until they feel comfortable doing it. Feeling prepared will increase their confidence and reduce feelings of anxiety or frustration.
We can teach behavior skills on Smarter Parenting, but without Role-playing, they won’t be successful.
In part one of our podcast on Role-playing, Parenting Coaching Siope Kinkini helps parents understand three benefits children will gain when using…
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Jul 1, 2020
Ep #90: Dealing with frustrating situations: Part 2
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When parents are dealing with frustrating situations, their ability to make decisions is reduced. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents how to use Observe and Describe to minimize decision fatigue.
We all have the same amount of energy to spend on making decisions. As the day goes own, we have less energy to spend on decisions, creating decision fatigue. This decision fatigue is especially true for a child with ADHD, as the choices they make throughout the day require more energy.
How can Observe and Describe help? Observe and Describe takes that decision-making equation out of a situation. Knowing that you will be using Observe and Describe is one less decision you need to make, which allows you to spend the energy where it’s needed.
Observe and Describe is excellent for allowing parents to take a step back and focus on what is happening while giv…
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Jun 24, 2020
Ep #89: Special episode-Helping your kids navigate what is happening in the world
In this special episode, Siope Kinikini discusses how parents can help their children navigate what is happening in the world.
Giving your kids the tools they need to handle what they are hearing, seeing, and experiencing is vital. When kids have tools, they can thrive and make a difference, despite what is happening around them. These tools will be one of the most important things you can do as a parent.
Children will have a lot of feelings about what is going on and the skill of Effective Communication allows them to process and express those feelings in a healthy way. Siope Kinikini gives you three essential things to do that will make this communication effective and powerful.
Take a listen. And then listen again and again and involve your kids.
For full show notes and more information about Effective Communication, visit https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
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Jun 17, 2020
Ep #88: Dealing with frustrating situations
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When dealing with frustrating situations where our kids misbehave, it can be easy to become emotionally engaged and default to yelling, annoyance, or anger. When we respond that way, it only makes the situation worse and often creates additional problems.
Wouldn’t you like something that would keep you from becoming engaged in that way? What if we told you a simple skill could help?
The skill of Observe and Describe is something that you can do today. Instead of engaging in your child’s negative behavior, you observe what is happening and calmly state what you see without judgment. For example, if your child is rolling their eyes and making faces at you, you would say, “You are rolling your eyes and making faces at me.” When you state just the facts, it allows your child to underst…
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Jun 10, 2020
Ep #87: Understanding what causes tantrums
Struggling to figure out why kids act the way they do? Join the Smarter Parenting Club. These Parenting Coaching sessions are a safe place where you will get answers.
https://club.smarterparenting.com/ In today’s episode, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini continues the discussion of The ABC’s of Behavior and how it can help you create a happier family life.
When you can understand why behavior happens, it is easier to take steps to prevent it. Sometimes though, it can be hard to figure out why behavior happens. In those cases, Siope Kinikini recommends looking at five things that could have contributed to the meltdown.
Are they sleepy? Are they getting enough good sleep? Are they hungry? Are they eating a healthy diet? Do they have a disability? Was there a change in their environment? Was there an interruption to their schedule?
Understanding that these things could lead to tantrums allows you to make changes before the tantrums even happen.
If they’re tired, you could have th…
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Jun 3, 2020
Ep #86: Why kids act up
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Do you know why your kid acts up? Understanding why they do allows you to intervene and address behaviors beforehand.
When our kids act up, we become so focused on the behavior and outcome that we often forget that something happened before the behavior to cause it.
Are they tired? Are they worried? Are they hungry? Was someone being mean?
Being able to focus on things that happen beforehand and addressing them is incredibly powerful. It sends a message to our child that we care about figuring out what is happening in their life and not just about punishing them.
The way to figure out what happened that contributes to a behavior is by using the ABC’s of Behavior.
The A stands for antecedent. This is what happened beforehand that contributed to the behavior. There can be multiple antecedents that contribute to specific behavior.
The B stands for behavior. This is the…
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May 27, 2020
Ep #85: How to use Effective Negative Consequences: Part 3
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Figuring out how to give Effective Negative Consequences can be tricky as many parents struggle with implementing all five elements that make a consequence successful.
The goal of a consequence is to teach them what they should have done instead and to encourage them not to repeat the negative behavior.
Consequences are only so successful and should not be a parent's sole focus when it comes to changing behavior. Parents that focus exclusively on consequences will damage their relationship with their child long-term.
In addition to consequences, parents should be looking for ways to acknowledge and increase positive behaviors. Focusing on the good can be hard for so many parents because when our children are misbehaving it’s hard to recognize that they are doing anything right. Or we feel that by rewarding them instead of punishing them, the…
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May 20, 2020
Ep #84: How to use Effective Negative Consequences: Part 2
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Parents often give a lot of consequences, but consequences are not always the best way to change behavior.
While consequences have their place, there are limitations to the effectiveness of consequences to change a child’s behavior. In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini shares with parents what those limitations are and what they can do instead.
If parents only use consequences, it could create this environment where they internalize the negative behavior and believe that the reason they are getting all these consequences is because they are bad.
The best way to create long-last change is to focus on the positive things that your child is doing by creating an environment where we can recognize kids for what they do well and reward them when they do. For many parents, this is a mind-shift that takes some getting used too, but creating an environment where y…
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May 13, 2020
Ep #83: How to use Effective Negative Consequences: Part 1
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When a child is acting up, parents want to know how to give a consequence that works. But, usually, what they want to know is how do they provide a punishment that will stop the behavior. There is a difference between consequences and punishments. Punishments are meant to scare a child into doing what you want, while consequences are meant to help a child make better choices.
Learning how to give consequences that reduce a child’s behavior doesn’t always come easy. The reason that the consequences don’t work is that parents don’t understand how consequences can be used to help a child make a better choice, and so give consequences that don’t matter to a child. Consequences work when they show a child what they gain by reducing the behavior.
Five proven elements make consequences work. If a consequence isn’t working to reduce a child’s negative behavior…
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May 6, 2020
Ep #82: Reduce frustration with Preventive Teaching: Part 3
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Parents only have so much time and energy in a day. Preventive Teaching helps parents use their time and energy wisely instead of spending it addressing and fixing problems. This keeps parents from feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
When parents use the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching, they can address problems before they become bigger—the bigger the problem the more energy required to deal with it. By addressing them before they get out of hand, parents have the energy to spend on things that enrich and rejuvenate them; activities such as reading a book, meeting up with friends, going for a walk, exercising, or watching TV.
When parents aren’t spending their time dealing with negative behaviors, they can channel that energy into building a stronger relationship with their child, which is incr…
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Apr 29, 2020
Ep #81: Reduce frustration with Preventive Teaching: Part 2
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The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching isn’t just for kids; they are FAMILY skills.
In part two of our Preventive Teaching journey with Dawn, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini teaches how behavior skills are just as powerful when parents apply them to themselves. That’s the strength of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. The behavior skills can be applied to kids; the behavior skills can be applied to adults. It doesn’t matter. They will work.
The goal of Preventive Teaching is to help prepare us for situations that may arise. If we do the prep work before we cook, or paint, or pack for a vacation, the actual cooking, painting, and packing are easier.
In Dawn’s case, Preventive Teaching helped her deal with a self-soothing behavior from her son that annoyed her and lead to decreased patience and increased frus…
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Apr 22, 2020
Ep #80: Reduce frustration with Preventive Teaching: Part 1
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Do you feel frustrated with your child’s behavior? Do you find yourself reacting to situations in a way where you feel like you’re a terrible parent? Do you wish there was a better way that would help you be the parent you want to be?
The magic tool is the Teaching-Family Model. The Teaching-Family Model has incredible power to show you how to become the parent you want to be!
When parents have skills and tools, they can be proactive instead of reactive. When a parent is proactive, they are in charge and can guide their child’s behavior. When a parent is reactive, the child is actually in charge, and we’re just reacting to their behavior. When we are proactive, we can reduce feelings of frustration. We can spend less time dealing with problems. We can help our kids successfully navigate the world. We can put our time and energy into strengthening r…
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Apr 15, 2020
Ep #79: Learning new behavior through continued practice
Let us guide you on how to make Role-playing effective for your family. Join the Smarter Parenting Club!
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If you want a behavior to stick, you have to Role-play again and again until that behavior becomes ingrained in your child. While the idea of Role-playing continually may sound overwhelming, we can promise that doing it will pay off huge for your child.
Role-playing helps your child transition ideas from the abstract to the concrete. It moves them from just hearing something to understanding something.
Cued practice allows you to see if your child can apply what they have practiced in real life. Cued practice is when you tell your child you will be practicing at a later time to see how much they understand. It takes a lot of practice to change behavior and your child may struggle in the cued practices. That’s to be expected. Praise them for what they did well and then continue practicing. They will get it eventually.
Role-playing is so essen…
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Apr 8, 2020
Ep #78: Creating a growth mindset in kids using Praise Approximations
Creating a growth mindset for kids is one of the greatest things parents can teach their kids. A growth mindset is helping kids understand expectations while allowing them not to be perfect. Effective Praise helps parents do just that as it shows a child what they are doing well and why continuing that behavior would be beneficial to them.
Harnessing the power of praise isn’t just for when kids are doing it all right as parents’ expectations don’t always match their child’s ability. By using Praise Approximations, parents are able to meet them where they are at, which encourages kids to grow and learn even when they fall short of parents’ expectations.
Praise Approximations are especially helpful when kids are throwing a tantrum or feel overwhelmed as they help pull kids out of what is happening and gives them an off-ramp for their feelings.
Effective Praise, and Praise Expectations, are powerful tools to help teach our kids. We recommend listening to podcast #76,77 to le…
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Apr 1, 2020
Ep #77: How I learned to help my ADHD kid with Eric Bjorklund
As parents, we may love our child, but not always like them. We may think they are a “bad” kid who only does wrong. We may believe that the only way to change them is by punishing them.
While this type of thinking is common, it isn’t helpful and will end up doing incredible damage to our relationship with them.
We get that some children can be hard. They know how to push our buttons. Once we start seeing the bad in our children, it can be easy to continue to see all they are doing wrong.
Learning how to parent isn’t easy. The good news is that the behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting have been proven to repair relationships.
In today’s podcast, Eric Bjorklund talks about how the skills of Smarter Parenting and the Teaching-Family Model changed how he parented and how those changes made an incredible difference in the relationship with his son.
Before Eric started using the skills of the Teaching-Family Model, he didn’t like his kid with ADHD. All he could see wh…
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Mar 25, 2020
Ep #76: Giving Effective Praise
Giving Effective Praise is one of the best things parents can do to improve behavior.
What is Effective Praise? Effective Praise is specific (not general) praise that allows a child to know exactly what they did well and a reason why they should continue that specific behavior.
An example of Effective Praise would be, “I am so proud of you for putting away your backpack. When you put away your backpack, I don’t have to interrupt your playtime to have you put it away.”
General praise, on the other hand, doesn’t help a child understand what they did well and why they should continue doing it. General praise sounds like “Good job.” “I’m proud of you!” “You did awesome.”
It can be challenging to switch from general praise to Effective Praise, but doing so will pay big dividends.
When you use Effective Praise, you are building self-esteem in kids as it gives them the confidence to continue to grow and learn. Effective Praise can be used for any positive behavior.…
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Mar 18, 2020
Ep #75: Dealing with angry outbursts using Correcting Behaviors
Dealing with angry outbursts or tantrums can be frustrating and exhausting.
The behavior skill of Correcting Behaviors helps parents respond to negative behavior in a way that keeps the problem from escalating.
Correcting Behaviors gives parents the steps they need to help their child understand what is happening and gives them a way to channel their anger or frustration.
Children have outbursts or tantrums because they are feeling large emotions and don’t know how to process them. Common emotions that lead outbursts include being frustrated, worried, scared, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed.
An angry outburst or a tantrum is your child’s way of letting you know they need help to deal with their emotions. Instead of making the problem worse, using Correcting Behaviors gives a child an off-ramp for their behaviors and emotions.
The steps of Correcting Behavior are:
* Get your child's attention.
* Express empathy.
* Describe the negative behavior,
* Deliver a consequence f…
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Mar 11, 2020
Ep #74: Getting the right diagnosis
In episode 74, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini talks with Dr. Gray and Dr. Crohan about the importance of getting the right diagnosis and how behavior skills can help kids with ADHD.
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Mar 4, 2020
Ep #73: Preventing temper tantrums using behavior skills
Preventing temper tantrums is a question that ADHD Smarter Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini is asked frequently during coaching sessions.
While there are many behavior skills on Smarter Parenting that can address tantrum behavior, the best way to deal with temper tantrums is to prevent them from happening using the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching.
The behavior skill of Preventive Teaching helps a child understand what they need to do in a specific situation. Knowing what to do beforehand allows a child to make corrections and deal with emotions and frustrations before they get out of control. Preventive Teaching gives your child confidence that they can handle any situation.
When teaching the skill of Preventive Teaching, you need to focus on what you want their child to do and not what you don’t want their child to do. Focusing on what we want a child to do, helps our child rewire their brain, and adopt the new positive behavior. Talking about a new behavior isn’t enough. T…
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Feb 26, 2020
Ep #72: Nonverbal communication and messages we're sending
A lot of how we communicate is done by nonverbal communication. How we position our bodies, how we use or arms, or our facial expressions all send a message to those we are communicating with.
Understanding how we are communicating nonverbally goes a long way in increasing our relationship with our children. This is especially important when we're having difficult conversations as our nonverbal communication can be making the situation worse.
Things like standing over our child, or facing our child, or standing too close, can send signals of dominance or aggression, especially if feelings are running high. Parents can get a good idea of how a child is feeling by watching their nonverbal communication. Are their arms folded? Are they moving away?
When parents have a grasp of nonverbal communication and the importance of body language, they can focus on shifting problems and difficult conversations "in front of you." What do we mean by this? When we shift our body language, we can shi…
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Feb 24, 2020
Ep #71: Rewiring the brain through Role-playing
Rewiring the brain through Role-playing may seem like science fiction, but it's not. Learning rewires the brain. Kids can learn new things if a parent can be consistent and deliberate in their teaching and using Role-playing.
Role-playing, or practicing, helps a child work at a behavior until it becomes second nature. Parents can Role-play almost anything, including behavior you want to be changed or preparing for future events.
When a child Role-plays a behavior, it helps strengthen the connections in their brains—the stronger a connection, the higher their ability to perform the behavior without effort.
Parents always want to know how to rewire your brain. There are six things we recommend in rewiring their brain.
First, Role-play with your child at a neutral time. The goal of Role-playing is to help strengthen the connections in your child's brain. It's harder to strengthen those connections when your child is distracted. Practicing at a neutral time allows your child to focus…
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Feb 19, 2020
Ep #70: Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed
When you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted with parenting, what you want is parenting solutions. You want something that can help your family heal and move forward. The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting is what families need.
The reason we are feeling overwhelmed all the time is that parenting is challenging, and because we love our kids, we want what is best for them. Parents don’t always know how to do that.
Some simple tips can help overwhelmed parents.
* Remember: It’s because we love our kids and want what’s best that we feel frustrated.
* Vent: It’s okay to discuss our frustration, and then we need to figure out how to use our frustration to help our kids.
* Focus on the big picture: Determine what the ultimate goal we want is. Then using behavior skills, set up small steps to get there.
* Be okay with slow progress: Change isn’t going to happen overnight--and that’s okay. Celebrate small victories and remember that small steps lead to something sign…
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Feb 17, 2020
Ep #69: 4 ways to increase your relationships and fix behavior
When parents in pain reach out to ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, he gives them the following four things to do. When we are overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next, it is so helpful to have someone give us some concrete things to do that allow us to address the problems and find solutions that work for our family.
The four things are: slow down and identify fears, focus on what we can control, build the relationship, teach the behavior skills
Parenting from a place of fear isn’t productive. It’s easy to get caught up in our fears of what may happen that they drive all our reactions. Slowing down and identify the fears we have for our child allows us to attach behavior skills. Behavior skills give us a road map and help alleviate the unknowns and our responses to them. Sometimes we get so caught up in what is happening and our fears for what may happen.
Focus on what we can control as there is a lot in parenting we can’t control. We can’t always control how our child…
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Feb 12, 2020
Ep #68: Following through with consequences with Jonathan Mendoza
One of the hardest things for most parents is following through with consequences. Parents have difficulty following through with consequences for several reasons. They forgot. They had no intention of ever following through (and the kid knows it). They choose a consequence that is unrealistic for them to do.
Jonathan Mendoza from Catholic Charities in Hawaii talking about the importance of Following Instructions and consequences for kids with ADHD. Children with ADHD struggle to connect their actions with positive or negative behavior, so parents need to focus on teaching cause and effect, and that’s done by rewarding good behavior or being consistent in following through with consequences.
When parents are consistent in rewarding behavior or following through with consequences, it helps a child connect their actions with the outcome. The behavior skill of Following Instructions is a great way to help a child learn how to connect their behavior to outcomes.
We recommend that when…
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Feb 10, 2020
Ep #67: Consistency creates change
Lasting change in behavior doesn’t just happen. Creating lasting change is not a quick-fix. Change requires a parent to be consistent over and over as consistency creates change. When changing a child’s behavior, remember that small, daily improvements lead to long-term success.
Success in parenting requires parents to take an honest look at their strengths and weaknesses. For most parents, success will come when they can focus on their strengths and know what they can realistically do. Setting goals that you won’t be able to follow through creates frustration for you and your child and will put a strain on your relationship.
If you set goals that are dependent on your child doing a specific behavior every time, you’re destined to be frustrated and not find success. When setting goals, parents should always focus on setting goals for things they can control. You may not be able to control how your child will react, but you can control what you will do.
When focusing on thing…
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Feb 5, 2020
Ep #66: Knowing when to teach behavioral skills
One of the biggest mistakes parents make in teaching behavioral skills is when they are teaching them. When a child or parent is upset, frustrated, or angry, that is the worst time for parents to be teaching a new behavior skill. If parents continually insist on teaching at times when a child isn't calm, it can damage the relationship.
If you want your child to get the most out of your teaching, parents need to be teaching at a neutral time. A neutral time means a time when you or your child aren't distracted, a time when they are calm and able to learn. Teaching behavior skills is all about helping kids learn and grow, and when you teach at a neutral time, you are encouraging them to find success. You show that you are concerned about what is happening in their life, which strengthens the relationship.
When teaching a new behavior skill, we recommend that parents teach the behavior skill long before it will be a problem and then Role-play with their child until they can do it on the…
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Feb 3, 2020
Ep #65: Rewarding kids when they Follow Instructions with Hawa Dogbey
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When parents reward kids when the Follow Instructions, they encourage their child to repeat the behavior.
Rewarding a child doesn’t have to be costly or involved. Sometimes the most effective rewards are one-on-one time with mom or dad, getting a hug or high five, or choosing a family activity.
Different rewards will motivate different kids, and those rewards will change as the child gets older.
We always recommend involving kids in rewards as it allows them to know you’re focused on building the relationship sometimes though kids can ask for rewards that don’t match the behavior or aren’t things that parents can do.
As a parent, you can help guide them to rewards that would work. Have them write out a list of rewards they would like. Then decided what rewards you think are doable. It may take a bunch of back and forth to get to rewards that both you and your child think are fair.
Different kids may want…
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Jan 29, 2020
Ep #64: Increasing teaching opportunities
Increasing our teaching interactions means that we are both teaching new behavior skills and reinforcing those skills that have already been taught.
If we only teach behavior skills but don’t show our kids how to use those skills in their everyday situations, they won’t be effective. They need to learn how to apply what they have learned when they are upset, frustrated, or happy.
Teaching opportunities apply to every member of the family. While we may be teaching a specific behavior to one child, we should be helping all members of the family deal/cope/or help with that behavior skill. We may be teaching one child to reduce negative behaviors while preparing the rest of the family to use Effective Communication to describe how those negative behaviors make them feel.
The more parents can involve all members of the family in teaching and using skills; the more successful your child will be.
For more information about how Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model, visit th…
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Jan 27, 2020
Ep #63: Parenting skills are essential
Raising kids today has its challenges, which is why Parenting Skills are essential. Parenting Skills give parents and kids the tools they need to navigate the world around them successfully.
Parents face different challenges than previous generations. There are more pressures when it comes to school, work, and family, and many parents know that there is needs to be a better way to raise their kids than how they were raised.
Parenting Skills found on Smarter Parenting help families work together to build a strong connection and to solve problems. Parenting Skills help parents teach their children to make better decisions, prevent problems, give praise, and improve communication.
Parenting skills prepare kids for being adults and work for children of all ages and are adaptable as your children grow. Putting effort in when your children are little, will provide returns as your child grows.
We have a parental responsibility to reach out and to get the help we need. If you need assistan…
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Jan 22, 2020
Ep #62: Teaching to behaviors instead of reacting
When negative behaviors happen, parents have a choice. They can teach to the behavior, or they can react.
When a parent reacts, they are swayed by the child and their emotions. Parents get pulled into their child’s tantrum or bad behavior. As the child continually increases their negative behavior, parents have to increase their response, escalating the situation.
When a parent teaches to negative behavior, they are the ones to guide the child. You can remain consistent and not be drawn into your child’s tantrum. Instead of escalating the situation, you can help them deescalate the situation.
Teaching, instead of reacting, requires a parent to be aware of their limits and knowing at what point they will step in to deescalate the situation. The lower your tolerance for behaviors is, the better off your child will be as it’s easier to step in and make correcting when the behavior is small versus stepping in when the behavior is massive.
The behavior skill of Smarter Parenting a…
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Jan 20, 2020
Ep #61: Using Following Instructions in daily routines with Kurt Furhman
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In Episode 61, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini talks with Kurt Furnham from Thornwell in South Carolina about how he teaches the behavior skill of Following Instructions and the importance of Following Instructions.
Thornwell is part of the Teaching-Family Association and uses the Teaching-Family Model in their residential and in-home programs.
In all of the Teaching-Family Association programs, teaching Following Instructions will be one of the first skills a child or family learn. If a child is not able to Follow Instructions, they will not be successful with the other behavior skills as all include an element of Following Instructions.
Getting kids to Follow Instructions seems is essential as they will use this skill for their whole life. They will use it when they cook a recipe, assemble a piece of furniture, do a project at work, or go through airport security. Once mastered Following Instructions become…
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Jan 15, 2020
Ep #60: Moving from consequences to rewards
When giving Effective Negative Consequences, there are things that parents should never use as these are basic rights that children are entitled too. They are common sense things but include access to healthy foods, clothing, education, safety, shelter, and sleep.
When giving effective consequences, it’s essential to make sure you are not infringing on their rights. Taking away fundamental rights will create considerable problems in your relationships and could have other, unforeseen, consequences.
There are things that kids would like to tell you are basic rights that aren’t. Access to cell phones, video games, computer time, time with friends, use of the car, fancy clothing, or junk food are not basic rights. Those things are privileges and absolutely could be used as an Effective Negative Consequence.
This means you can’t withhold dinner, which is a basic right, but you could withhold a dessert or treat as those aren’t basic rights.
When making Consequences Effective, it…
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Jan 13, 2020
Ep #59: The ADHD Smarter Parenting Coaching process
Understanding the ADHD Parenting Coaching process helps parents understand the value they'd receive from a ADHD Coaching session: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
An ADHD parenting session is all about helping parents find tailored solutions for the behavior challenges their family is facing. Is your family struggling with communication and misunderstandings? Is your family deal with defiance or anger? Is your family grappling with a lack of trust or respect?
No matter what issue you want to fix, a lot can be accomplished in a coaching session.
Once a parent signs-up for a parenting coaching session, they’ll receive a questionnaire about issues they are dealing with. This allows Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini to come up with three to four parenting techniques using the behavioral skills of the Teaching-Family Model.
A Parenting Coaching session is not to shame you or to make you feel hopeless in your ability. It’s just the opposite. Using behavioral skil…
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Jan 8, 2020
Ep #58: The Teaching-Family Model is relationship focused
The Teaching-Family Model is all about changing child behavior by creating healthy relationships that encourage teaching and growth.
What is the Teaching-Family Model? The Teaching-Family Model is an evidence-based model to create change. The Teaching-Family Model started in the 1950s by researchers at Kanas State who set out to see what successful parents did and if that could be replicated. What they discovered is that parenting and behavior skills could be taught and be effective. The Teaching-Family Model is used by agencies around the world in group homes, foster care, in-home services, schools, and various other agencies that work with families and children.
The Teaching-Family Model focuses on what it takes to build strong relationships as they found that when relationships are healthy, correction and change are possible. All behavior skills found in the Teaching-Family Model and on SmarterParenting.com, all include an element of relationship-building--even the ones geared tow…
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Jan 6, 2020
Ep #57: Teaching kids to Accept No without issue
It’s essential for kids to learn Accepting No Answers as life is more comfortable when they can do so. Getting “No” answers is a part of life as “Nos” can come from a boss, teacher, family member, friend, or parent.
Saying no to kids is an integral part of establishing boundaries with kids as “no” answers help keep them from danger and teaches them self-mastery.
Parents saying no can be pretty frustrating for kids, especially if they feel that they hear “No” a lot. It’s why we recommend doing two things. First, is telling kids yes as often as possible. Don’t use “No” for something that you could say yes to. Sometimes we say “No” because it’s easier, but that doesn’t always mean that it’s right.
The second recommendation is to Role-play situations you know will be difficult for your child to Accept No Answers until they are comfortable with receiving a “no” answer. For some children, it may require them to practice Accepting No ten, twenty, or…
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Jan 1, 2020
Ep #56: Reinforcing good behavior using Effective Positive Rewards
Parents can change behavior either by reducing bad behavior using Effective Negative Consequences or by positive reinforcement using Effective Positive Rewards.
These two behavior skills are mirror skills and use the same five elements to be successful. For many parents, it’s easier to give a consequence than it is to give positive rewards. Giving positive rewards is more effective long-term in shaping your child’s behavior.
We encourage every parent to learn how to successfully use Effective Positive Rewards for behavior modification.
Rewarding your child for positive behavior will give your child confidence and encourage them to learn and grow.
What makes a reward effective? Using the five components: immediacy, size/degree, consistency, important, and varied; of the behavior skill Effective Positive Rewards allows parents to use primary reinforcers to encourage better behavior.
Immediacy means that the positive reward should be given as close to the positive behavior so the…
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Dec 30, 2019
Ep #55: Reducing bad behavior with Effective Negative Consequences
Consequences for bad behavior are a part of life. Learning how to give a consequence that will reduce your child’s negative behaviors takes some learning as most of the consequences parents give aren’t effective.
Giving Effective Negative Consequences reduces problems and allows parents to teach instead of punishing.
What makes a consequence effective? Using the five components: immediacy, size/degree, consistency, important, and varied; of the behavior skill Effective Negative helps parents give consequences for kids that work to reduce negative behavior and family stress.
Immediacy means that the consequence should be given as close to the negative behavior as possible so they can connect their negative action with the consequence.
Degree/size means that the consequence should match the behavior. This one is difficult for a lot of parents as we tend to give consequences that are disproportional to the negative behavior.
Consistent means giving a consequence every time a nega…
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Dec 25, 2019
Ep #54: Teaching kids to make better decisions
Teaching kids to make better decisions is possible and can be taught.
Often kids make decisions based on emotions, which doesn’t always lead to the best choices. When they make decisions based on emotions, they aren’t always able to see the whole picture.
Using SODAS Method helps in the decision making process as it shows kids they don’t need to make decisions based on emotions. By working through all the steps, children can see they have options and what is good/bad about their options.
SODAS is an acronym. SODAS stands for Situations, Options, Disadvantages, Advantages, and Solution.
For each situation, have them come up with three options. Then for each of the three options has them come up with three advantages and disadvantages. Then looking at their options, they can come up with a solution.
If they aren’t able to come up with a solution, have them come up with new options and do the process again.
The decision making process can be used for almost any situation and…
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Dec 23, 2019
Ep #53: The importance of Following Instruction
The importance of Following Instructions can not be stressed enough. The ability to Follow Instructions is something that every person needs to know how to do if they want to be successful in life.
The behavior skill of Following Instructions found on SmarterParenting.com shows parents and children how to be successful in following instructions they receive.
When parents teach Following Instructions they need to be aware of their expectations. When expectations aren't matched to our child's ability, it leads to frustration for all.
Our expectations should be different for a five-year-old and a fifteen-year-old. Meeting them at their ability level sets them up for greater success.
The four steps of Following Instructions are:
First, get the child's attention
Second, give a clear, detailed, descriptive instruction
Third, the child says, "Okay" and immediately does it
Fourth, child returns and reports when the task is finished
Four simple steps. There is excellent power if learni…
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Dec 18, 2019
Ep #52: How to fix negative behavior
The best time to correct bad behavior is as soon as possible. The behavior skill of Correcting Behaviors shows parents how.
When our children do something wrong, it’s easy to get upset or frustrated. Getting angry or frustrated is the worst thing you can do as it shifts the focus and makes teaching more difficult. Using the steps of Correcting Behaviors allows a parent to fix negative behavior without being drawn into the emotion as the steps give you a guide to follow.
Parents find it especially helpful to use the words, “You have earned a consequence,” and “What you should have done is” as those words keep you from being drawn into the emotion of the situation.
Children will want to draw us into the emotion piece or to get us to focus on something else. Stick with the steps to address the original behavior. Continue to address the original behavior until they have complied with what was asked of them. The only time to discuss something other than the original behavior is…
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Dec 16, 2019
Ep #51: Finding success with Preventive Teaching
One of the best things parents can do in preparing kids for success is to use the behavior skill of Preventive Teaching. Preventive Teaching is just like it sounds. We are preventing problems by teaching what behavior we expect. Preventive Teaching is used to address both negative and positive behavior.
Preparing a child for new situations is very comforting to them as it signals to them that you are watching out for them and giving them what they need to handle unfamiliar situations. Children need help, especially when dealing with new situations. Using Preventive Teaching allows them not to be fearful and to find success.
Preventive Teaching is used to address all sorts of situations and outcomes.
Preventive Teaching focus on what you want your child to be doing instead of what you don’t want your child to be doing. It’s a positive behavior management system. When we point out all the “Don’ts,” we are focusing on the behavior we don’t want. If we want our child to stop…
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Dec 11, 2019
Ep #50: Changing behavior through praise
One of the best things parents can do to improve their child’s behavior is to give Effective Praise. Changing behavior through praise is effective and powerful as it promotes a growth mindset for kids.
Adults and kids alike
There is a difference between general praise and the behavior skill of Effective Praise. Effective Praise gives your child a specific reason for their positive behavior AND a motivation why they should repeat the action.
When parents combine specific behavior and motivation, they are helping their child gain confidence in their ability to behave well.
General praise looks like, “Good job.” Or, “I’m so proud of you.” Statements like that don’t tell your child why you’re proud of them or what they did well.
Effective Praise would look like, “Great job for putting your backpack away without asking. When you put your backpack away, you’re able to find it in the morning without looking all over for it, and that allows you to be first to the bus s…
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Dec 9, 2019
Ep #49: Compound effect of Effective Communication
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We communicate daily. We don’t always communicate effectively.
The importance of communication skills cannot be overlooked. When we use Effective Communication with our kids, we create a compound effect that helps our children throughout their lives.
Effective Communication is more than just the words we speak. It’s how we get our message across. It’s our voice tone, our body language, our actions, etc. We can improve our communication skills by using the steps of Effective Communication.
Effective Communication allows us to monitor our non-verbal cues and helps our child feel understood. When we use Effective Communication, we know what we heard is what they were trying to say — removing so much of the “miscommunication”.
When a child feels heard, even if we don’t always agree with what they’re saying, it goes a long way to strengthen and build our relationship. It also gives them confidence that…
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Dec 4, 2019
Ep #48: What it takes to change behavior
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Do you want to know the secret of changing behavior? It’s Role-playing! We can’t stress enough how powerful Role-plays are in improving your child’s behavior and preparing them for new situations!
What is a Role-play? It is just like it sounds. It’s where you and your child accept a role to practice new behavior. Role-playing allows your child to see what is required of them and gives them to the ability to practice it over and over until they’ve mastered it. Role-plays work on kids of all ages and can be used to practice almost any situation.
Role-plays do not have to be complicated. Adding too many elements to a Role-play reduces its successfulness. Especially for kids with ADHD, it’s better to do multiple small Role-plays than one large Role-play.
When using Role-playing, we recommend the following.
First, Role-play at a neutral time. When you Role-play at a neutral time, your child is better able t…
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Dec 2, 2019
Ep #47: Mastering Observe and Describe
Mastering Observe and Describe is essential to learning the behavior skills on Smarter Parenting as all behavior skills on Smarter Parenting incorporate Observe and Describe.
Observe and Describe is exactly what it sounds like. You observe what is happening, and then you describe what you see. Describing behavior can be used for both positive and negative situations.
Describing words for kids are helpful in that they focus on the behavior. Focusing on the behavior removes the emotion that often comes with negative behavior, avoids the questioning game, and keeps the situation from escalating.
Children with ADHD especially have a hard time connecting their behavior with what is happening. Using Observe and Describe helps them connect their behavior to what you want or don’t want.
Explaining behavior without emotion gives parents options for how to respond. It’s hard for children to argue with what is happening when parents describe what they witnessed.
Parents that master Obser…
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Nov 27, 2019
Ep #46: Understanding the ABC's of Behavior
The ABC’s of Behavior is a powerful tool in helping understanding behavior and why challenging behavior happens. Understanding what causes behavior and what to do after a behavior starts gives parents a better way to handle problems. Which, in turn, strengthens the relationship we have with our child. It also teaches them how to successfully navigate the world around them without our help.
The ABC’s of Behavior is an acronym. It stands for Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence.
Antecedent means what happened before the behavior. It requires us looking at what happened 5 minutes or even an hour or two beforehand. The goal with the antecedent to understand what was the catalyst for the behavior. Did they get in trouble at school? Did they miss a nap or snack? Did they break a favorite toy? Did someone say something mean to them? When we understand what caused the behavior, we can give them tools to prevent the problem.
Behavior is what is happening. Behavior could mean sulking, th…
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Nov 25, 2019
Ep #45: How--quality components of the Teaching-Family Model
The Teaching-Family Model incorporates quality components into each behavior skills to bring about change in your child while strengthening relationships. Quality components are the ability to recognize the quality of what we're doing when it comes to the interactions with our child to get the outcome we want.
Not all the interactions we have with our children are quality. Sometimes our voice tone isn't appropriate. Sometimes our body language may be threatening. Sometimes we assume our children hear us or understand what we mean.
The Teaching-Family has built-in checking to make sure we're using quality components. Along the way, it requires us to evaluate how we are doing? Are we using an appropriate voice tone? Are we teaching each of the steps? Is our child internalizing the steps of the skills?
It's these built-in quality components where the real power of the Teaching-Family Model lies. Quality components are there to strengthen and build relationships and to give parents the…
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Nov 20, 2019
Ep #44: Where am I emotionally?
Before being able to teach behavior skills effectively, parents need to ask, "Where am I emotionally?" Understanding where they are emotionally is vital in teaching your kids. Remember, our first role is parents as teachers. If we are frustrated, angry, upset, or stressed, we aren't effective in helping our children change their negative behavior.
Parents need to take time to make sure they are emotionally aware. It can be difficult when we are dealing with situations that can be stressful. It may mean taking a few minutes to decompress, allowing yourself a treat, breathing exercises, or going for a walk, etc. Each of us will have a different way to regulate.
Asking ourselves, "Where am I emotionally?" allows us to approach teaching behavior skills without the emotions that would sabotage and to be aware of what behavior skill we need to teach our child. Being calm allows us to walk our children through the steps of behavior skills. It's using the steps where change happens. If you w…
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Nov 18, 2019
Ep #43: When--teaching to negative behaviors
Today’s podcast covers the when pillar. In implementing new teaching, parents ask, “When is a good time to teach behavior skills to address problems?? The answer: As soon as possible.
The object of any corrective teaching is to bring a child back to a non-escalated state as quickly as possible.
By teaching to the negative behavior as soon as possible, you keep the problem from escalating. The longer you wait until you address the behavior, the more work you have to do to correct their behavior.
Each of us has a tolerance level of what behaviors we will accept before intervening. For some parents, they have a very low tolerance level and step in very early on to address problems. For other parents, they have a very high tolerance level and will only step in after things have gotten way out of hand.
We should work to have low tolerance levels as having low tolerance levels makes life more comfortable and improve relationships with our kids.
What does this acttually look like?
Y…
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Nov 13, 2019
Ep #42: What parents need to teach--behavior skills
The third element of ADHD Parenting Coaching is what. What should I teach to help my kids be successful and create a better family life? The answer to the question is simple. Parents should be teaching behavior skills. Behavior skills set expectations and allow families to build strong bonds. Behavior skills make parents’ lives more comfortable as they reduce frustration, anger, and feelings of hopelessness.
In the 1960s, 20 million dollars of research was done into successful parenting techniques. The study found was that successful parents did very similar things. Sometimes parents understood what they were doing, and other times they didn’t. Researchers determined that parents could be taught how to be successful parents and the behavior skills of
Teaching-Family Model was born. The behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model are parenting guides that give parents the steps and words they need to implement the skill successfully.
Each behavior skill is on SmarterParenting.co…
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Nov 11, 2019
Ep #41: How I coach parents of kids with ADHD
ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, is often asked how he coaches parents and families. In episode 41, he walks through what an ADHD Parenting Coaching session looks like using the five elements of the Teaching-Family Model. The five elements of the Teaching-Family Model are: What, where, how, when and Many parents ask, “What do I do” but that question is too open to be useful. The first element, “What skills am I going to use?” allows parents to start looking specifically at issues and find solutions. Element two is, “Where am I teaching this?” A parent needs to look at where in their schedule would teaching be most effective. It also means looking at where is my child’s understanding and teaching to that to create success. Element three is, “How do I teach?” The behavior skills on Smarter Parenting answer how as they have specific steps that outline how parents should respond. These steps take out the guess-work and help parents focus on repairing relationships. E…
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Nov 6, 2019
Ep #40: When do I need ADHD Parenting Coaching?
There is no shame in having an ADHD Parenting Coach. We recommend getting ADHD Parenting Coaching long before issues become significant problems.
What is a parenting coach? A parenting coach is an objective person who can give you parenting skills and help you find positive parenting solutions to the challenges your family is facing. Our parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, will guide and encourage you. He will point out what you are doing well and ways you can harness your strengths. He is not there to shame you or make you feel bad. Our end goal with an ADHD Parenting Coaching session is to help heal and elevate your family using the elements of the Teaching-Family Model.
All parents could use a parenting coach as raising kids, whether they have ADHD or not, is tough. We believe in the power of a parenting coaching session and offer free 15-minute mini-sessions to help you see how much an ADHD Parenting Coach can help. Sign-up today and let our master teacher help your family.
For a f…
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Nov 4, 2019
Ep #39: Avoiding ADHD parenting burnout
ADHD parenting burnout is real. As parents, we want to be there for our child. Often that comes at the expense of our health and ability. By giving your child your all, you become a less effective parent.
Parents need to take precautions to avoid ADHD fatigue and to acknowledge when they are feeling overwhelmed or dealing with parenting stress. ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, shares five solutions that will help all parents avoid burnout and be the parent they want to be.
The five solutions are: set boundaries, prioritize self-care, find a support group, understand ADHD diagnosis, and establish traditions.
The most important thing a parent can do to avoid ADHD parenting burnout is to establish boundaries. Boundaries are necessary. Boundaries help us establish expectations and expectations equal happiness. Happiness is the ultimate goal as it means we are doing our job as parents and providing our kids the love and support they need.
We know it can be hard to establish boundar…
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Oct 30, 2019
Ep #38: ADHD and anxiety
It is not uncommon for an ADHD and anxiety diagnosis to go hand-in-hand. Multiple diagnoses are called comorbidity. According to the Depression and Anxiety Association of America, 50% of all people with ADHD are also diagnosed with anxiety.
Understanding the likelihood of ADHD and comorbidity allows parents to understand the suggested treatment options better. Especially, when they may focus on treating something other than ADHD first. Your child's doctor will create a treatment plan based on what they feel is the most pressing issue. It is always important to be honest with your child's doctors about all the behaviors you are seeing.
Dealing with ADHD and anxiety can be tricky as often the ADHD or anxiety treatment can increase their feelings of nervousness and worry. We tell parents that it may get worse before it gets better as your child is learning to cope with the changes. Don't give up if it's hard. It also may take some time as adjustments may need to be implemented slowly to…
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Oct 28, 2019
Ep #37: ADHD and diet
When it comes to ADHD and diet, there is a lot of conflicting information about food children should or shouldn’t avoid.
Always consult your child’s doctor when it comes to making any changes to your child’s diet. Remember that each child will respond differently to changes in diets, so involving your child’s doctor is vital.
We are are not recommending one type of diet over another. We do advocating ADHD healthy eating and eating as natural as possible as all doctors agree that eating healthier is best. Food such as fruits and vegetables, nuts, healthy oils and grains, and foods that are rich in protein.
Healthy foods are more comfortable for the body to digest and our bodies the nutrients they need and help them perform at an optimal level.
An ADHD diet for kids based around food that allows them to perform at their optimal level helps them better handle behavior problems, which makes sense if you think about it. All kids tend to have less capacity to deal with things whe…
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Oct 23, 2019
Ep #36: Relationships--the why of the Teaching-Family Model
Smarter Parenting uses the Teaching-Family Model to help parents in strengthening relationships. It’s the “why” of what we do. We want all families to be happy, healthy, and prosperous and to reinforce positive relationships. When strengthening relationships is the goal, doing the work is easy as we understand the purpose.
Learning how to be successful is a skill that families can learn. The Teaching-Family Model gives parents concrete steps that can be used over and over to get the desired results. The Teaching-Family Model teaches parents how to harness success and strengthen relationships and is used by agencies around the world.
The Teaching-Family Model is a specific Behavior Model that helps parents in raising kids so that they can navigate the world successfully as the role of parents is to teach our kids how to function without us.
The five elements of the Teaching-Family Model helps parents understand the Why, When, What, Where, and How.
The Why is the relationships…
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Oct 21, 2019
Ep #35: Dealing with daily ADHD behavior problems at school
Getting daily reports about your child with ADHD's constant behavioral problems at school can be frustrating for many parents. These persistent reports of ADHD behavior problems often make us defensive and contribute to feelings of frustration and failure. We may feel that the teachers "have it out for our kid" and that they are being mistreated.
If you are dealing with a situation where you're receiving constant feedback from your child's teacher, especially if that feedback is mostly negative, we recommend doing the following things to help you and your child's teacher improve communication and find success.
First, remain calm and take a step back. Remember that email can mask the true meaning of what someone is trying to say as it can't convey body language or emotion. It can be easy to misinterpret what your child's teaching is trying to say, and that can inflame the situation or add to your stress level. Keeping calm will allow you to begin addressing what's happening positively…
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Oct 16, 2019
Ep #34: ADHD and other issues
Children having ADHD and other issues together occurs frequently. Having multiple problems is called comorbidity.
ADHD and comorbidity are frequently manifested in behavioral issues, issues with peers, learning disorders, increased risk of injury, anxiety, depression, or conduct disorders such as ODD.
Understanding ADHD diagnosis and additional issues are crucial for parents. It helps them have realistic views of treatments and what their child is going through. It also helps them better engage with their children.
Parents should report all behavior to their child’s doctors as that information will be important in determining the best treatment course. Doctors will decide what to treat first based on the exhibited behaviors. They may recommend treating one of the other issues before focusing on your child’s ADHD symptoms.
More information about ADHD and other issues is on SmarterParenting.com.
Dealing with ADHD alone can be challenging, but dealing with multiple issues at once…
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Oct 14, 2019
Ep #33: Book review | ADHD Does Not Exist by Richard Paul
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In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini discusses the book, ADHD Does Not Exist by Richard Saul.
The idea that ADHD does not exist is a polarizing statement for many, which is why we wanted to review it. We wanted to understand why he was drawing that conclusion and what we could learn from him.
In the last 20 years, there has been a considerable increase in children and adults diagnosed with ADHD and being prescribed medication. Behavioral neurologist Richard Saul wanted to understand the rise and what it meant.
Leading Richard Saul to believe that there are symptoms that look like ADHD that aren’t ADHD and the importance of getting the correct diagnosis. If the diagnosis is wrong, you could be giving your child something that makes their symptoms worse.
His big push is to take a look at the ADHD symptoms and to rule out other issues that could be presenting the same symptomology before diving…
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Oct 9, 2019
Ep #32: ADHD and different learning styles
Understanding different learning styles allows you to teach your child in a way that makes the most sense to them. Different types of learners need different things to be successful. It’s important to encourage your child to develop learning strategies that work for them.
While there is some variation in learning styles, we are focusing on the VARK categorization. V stands for visual. A for aural or auditory, R is for a read or write. K is for kinesthetic.
Children can have more than one learning style, but they tend to favor one over the rest.
Children who are visual learners learn best through a visual representation of information. They like the data presented in diagrams, maps, graphs, charts, flow charts. For kids who are visual learners, they do well with visual instructions, so things like a chore chart or expectations chart work well for them.
Children who are aural or auditory learners learn best from lectures, group discussions, radio, and from conversations. For kids w…
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Oct 7, 2019
Ep #31: How to teach an inattentive child
Join the Smarter Parenting Club. The Smarter Parenting Club is a place where you can find exclusive content and a parenting community. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
The elements taught on Smarter Parenting helps parents how to teach an inattentive child how to be successful.
While many parents focus on the hyperactivity part of ADHD, it can be easy for the inattentive symptoms to be overlooked. ADHD inattentive type symptoms include becoming distracted, trouble concentrating, becoming bored quickly, difficulty learning or organizing new information, frequently daydreaming, difficulty following instructions, seems not to listen when spoken to directly, and creating more mistakes.
Understanding inattentive ADHD symptoms allow you to keep your cool and to apply inattentive strategies.
Children who have inattentiveness ADHD have difficulty focusing because they are focusing on everything at once. They have no idea how to filter out all the information they are receiving. As such,…
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Oct 2, 2019
Ep #30: Difference between consequences and punishments
Many parents view consequences and punishments as the same thing. They aren’t. Punishments are meant to cause harm and to scare your child into doing what you want them to do. A consequence, on the other hand, is intended to teach your child.
While punishments work short term, they damage the relationship long-term. Your child will come to fear you as punishments are generally personal and are often meant to humiliate. Consequences build the relationship with your child as your child understands that you’re disappointed in their behavior and not in them. Consequences occur naturally, are part of daily life, and are positive discipline for kids.
What do consequences versus punishments look like? Let’s say your child broke a plate. A punishment would be to break your child’s favorite toy. A consequence would be that your child would have to clean up the plate and do extra chores as restitution.
Kids need consequences. Consequences help them navigate the world and allow them to…
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Sep 30, 2019
Ep #29: Traits of successful parents
Successful parents all do the same things. In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini shares the practical parenting skills that successful parents have mastered.
Raising successful kids is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned. The behavior skills taught on Smarter Parenting are the building blocks parents need to master if they want to build a strong relationship with their child.
Parents who raise healthy and successful children recognize that their job is to help their child learn to function without them.
The first thing parents do when raising successful kids is setting boundaries and allow for those boundaries to change as children grow. Children need boundaries. Boundaries help them navigate the world. As they grow, those boundaries change. The limits they needed at three are not the same as those at 16. Successful parents recognize that and allow their children to make decisions as they grow.
Allowing children the freedom to make decisions helps th…
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Sep 25, 2019
Ep #28: ADHD and depression
Many children with ADHD also have other issues. This is called comorbidity. It may mean that they suffer from ADHD and depression, or ADHD and anxiety.
Understanding that your child may be suffering from more than one issue is helpful as your doctor or therapist may recommend treatment for those issues. You may feel that taking time to treat another issue means your child may not be getting the ADHD help they need.
When a doctor or therapist sees a client, they look at all the issues and will make recommendations on the issue they think need to be addressed first. The recommendation to deal with another issue first does not mean that help for ADHD is being put on the shelf. By focusing on the issue that is causing the most difficulty in everyday life and creating change in that area, you’ll notice that an improvement in all behavior.
It’s always important to make sure you and your therapist/doctor are on the same page with treatment and why that treatment is recommended. It’s…
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Sep 23, 2019
Ep #27: The ADHD brain
The ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcasts will be released twice a week on Monday and Wednesday until the end of 2019.
In 2017, a study was published in The Lancet Psychiatry Journal about differences in the ADHD brain. By studying those with ADHD and those without ADHD, researchers found small differences in brain mass between adults and kids with ADHD and those without ADHD. The difference was most noticeable in kids and less noticeable in adults. Knowing this information is a significant first step to understanding ADHD even better.
Their findings suggested that ADHD is a disorder of the brain with delays in the development of specific brain regions. This may account for why kids with ADHD tend to act out and have difficulty with being able to control their behavior.
Behavioral strategies for ADHD allows kids to learn specific tools that will enable them to manage their ADHD symptoms. Neuroplasticity of the brain, or being able to train the brain, is possible. Some things can be done t…
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Sep 17, 2019
Ep #26: Confidence to follow through
Beginning September 23, we will release two podcasts a week on Monday and Wednesday through the end of 2019. We look forward to bringing you more ADHD content!
Confidence to follow through. What does that mean? Parenting is challenging, and it can be difficult to have confidence in our abilities. If you’ve ever asked yourself: Am I doing the right thing? Why isn’t this working? I feel so overwhelmed I don’t what to do?
First of all, you’re not alone. Second, our goal at Smarter Parenting is to give you parenting help. We want to provide you with confidence in your ability to handle any behaviors and create a better family life.
Without a proper structure, we will all burn out or become overwhelmed. Parenting skills give parents the structure they need to cope with. But more importantly, it gives you confidence that you can handle any behavior.
One of the hardest things for any parent is being able to follow through. We either overpromise (if you do x you’ll get y). Or, we…
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Sep 9, 2019
Ep #25: Treatment options for ADHD
There are multiple ADHD treatment options. Understanding what they are and why they are being recommended is helpful as treatment courses are set.
When ADHD treatment options are present, it can be easy to dismiss individual options. We strongly advocate that you keep an open mind to any recommended treatment options. Treatment for ADHD could include medication, therapy, and ADHD behavior intervention, such as learning behavior or social skills.
Because every child is unique and responds to medication differently, we are not here to give medical advice. We are here to walk you through therapy and ADHD behavior interventions that help kids with ADHD.
Helping kids with ADHD may involve therapy. For many parents, therapy may seem scary or unfamiliar, or a label they don’t want for their child as therapy has gotten an undeserved bad rap. Treating ADHD should be a whole-body process, including taking care of our mental health. Therapy allows a child to discuss how ADHD affects them, wh…
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Sep 3, 2019
Ep #24: Chasing "normal" with ADHD kid
Wanting what is best for our child is normal. Chasing “normal” with ADHD child can often be a frustrating endeavor as our “normal expectations” may not be realistic or helpful for our child. When children don’t hit the “milestones” we expect, it can be frustrating and can damage our relationship.
We can do a disservice to our child when we compare them to other children, even to other kids with ADHD. When we compare our child with ADHD, we can fail to see the milestone they do accomplishment.
Using the ADHD behavior skill of Effective Praise will help recognize what they are doing well and to tell them. When you recognize what they’re doing well, it gives them confidence in their abilities.
Chasing normal with our ADHD child means setting new and realistic goals based on their strengths and not on some predetermined path. Our goal as parents is to help them on their path and to give them the skills they need to be successful long-term.
To help parents, Smarter Paren…
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Aug 27, 2019
Ep #23: Setting daily intentions
At the Qualtrics conference in March 2019, Oprah stated that the secret to her success was setting realistic intentions. The thought behind setting intentions for the day is that before you do anything else, you decided the intention or goal, that you want for the day. By setting intentions for the day it allows you to have a mind-shift, and the energy to focus as everything you do is now seen through that intention.
The power of intention is that it gives you control over the day. Instead of waking up and picking up your phone and instantly feeling like a failure because your life doesn’t look like another’s, you’re able to tell the world what you expect from it rather than the other way around. It’s a simple thing, but it allows you to set boundaries and practice self-care, which leads to confident living.
As an ADHD parent, it can feel overwhelming to think about setting realistic intentions for the day as it’s one more thing we have to do. This simple exercise can help…
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Aug 20, 2019
Ep #22: Mastering ADHD behavior skills
Mastering ADHD behavior skills gives parents the tools they need to handle any behavior situation. Behavior intervention strategies are essential components of ADHD management and make your life easier. They will allow you to feel like you have control, no matter what comes your way.
When you have mastered the basics, you’re able to improvise and create solutions even if you’ve never been in that situation before.
In 1975, pianist Keith Jarrett arrived for a concert in Koln Germany. Instead of finding a concert piano for him to play, he found a practice piano that wasn’t working correctly and was out of tune. Jarrett stated he wouldn’t play on that instrument because of his limitations. After a lot of pleadings by the stage manager, he agreed to do the concert. Jarrett recorded the concert. At the end of the concert, he received a standing ovation. The album of the concert became one of the best-selling albums of that year.
He was successful because he not only knew the basi…
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Aug 13, 2019
Ep #21: ADHD and caretake fatigue
In episode 21, ADHD Parenting coach, Siope Kinikini, talks about ADHD and caretaker fatigue.
Caretaker fatigue is real, especially when parenting an ADHD child as they have so much energy. Having to be always “on” to deal with all that energy can be draining-emotionally, physically, mentally. Being “on” will eventually take its toll, so it’s important for parents to avoid the ADHD burn-out by practicing self-care.
Many parents feel guilty for practicing self-care, but practicing self-care is not selfish.
If you don’t feel like you have time to practice self-care, that is exactly when you need to. We know finding the time to practice self-care between school, work, family, and extracurricular activities are hard, and adding one more thing to the plate may seem overwhelming. But when you are operating at half-capacity, it becomes harder to deal with their behaviors.
By taking care of yourself first, you have the ability to provide the best care for your child, which we kn…
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Jul 30, 2019
Ep #19: The power of a parenting coaching session
Parenting is hard, and all of us could use a little parental guidance! We are so excited to announce that we’re doing online parenting coaching!
The power of a parenting coaching session lies in having a behavior specialist listening and giving you specific positive parenting solutions for your child and family.
Online coaching sessions are done in the privacy of your own home and at a time that works for you.
We know that many worldwide are searching for parenting skills, and by offering online coaching, we can reach struggling families no matter where they are.
Not only is there power in a parenting coaching session, but there’s also a lot that people can learn from watching other parents being coached. Being able to watch parenting coaching sessions will be part of the ADHD Parenting Club that Smarter Parenting will be launching in the fall of 2019.
The first 15-minute online coaching session is free. If you want to continue getting parental guidance through online coaching…
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Jul 23, 2019
Ep #18: FDA okays eTNS device to treat ADHD
In episode 18, ADHD parenting coach discusses the FDA’s approval of eTNS device to treat ADHD. It has been approved to treat children from 7 to 12 who have been diagnosed with ADHD and are not currently on ADHD medication.
Carlos Peña, Ph.D., director of the Division of Neurological and Physical Medicine Devices in the FDA’s Center for Devices and Radiological Health, said of the device in the press release. “This new device offers a safe, non-drug option for treatment of ADHD in pediatric patients through the use of mild nerve stimulation, a first of its kind. Today’s action reflects our deep commitment to working with device manufacturers to advance the development of pediatric medical devices so that children have access to innovative, safe and effective medical devices that meet their unique needs.” (https://www.medpagetoday.com/neurology/adhd-add/79346)
The eTNS (external Trigeminal Nerve Stimulation) system is a nerve stimulation treatment that delivers low-level sti…
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Jul 16, 2019
Ep #17: Confirmation bias and ADHD diagnosis
Confirmation bias is our tendency to cherry-pick information that confirms our existing beliefs or ideas. Everyone has confirmation bias as everyone has different life experiences that shape how they view the world. It is why two different people can look at the same situation and draw two different conclusions.
It is easy to experience confirmation bias with an ADHD diagnosis. What we mean is that we will highlight any behavior that we believe confirms ADHD symptoms, while ignoring those things that don’t fit into our belief. It’s human nature to seek out those things that confirm our beliefs.
Because of this, we recommend starting with a pediatrician instead of going straight to a specialist as a specialist may see an ADHD diagnosis because they are looking for an ADHD diagnosis. A pediatrician sees a lot of different children behavior and is able to rule out behaviors and diagnosis instead of ruling in a diagnosis.
Confirmation bias can be dangerous once you have an ADHD diag…
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Jul 9, 2019
Ep #16: ADHD or dental issues with John Petterson DDS
Do you think your child has ADHD but Is it ADHD or dental issues? In today’s episode, we talk with Dr. John Peterson about dental problems mimicking ADHD and options parents have for improving their child’s overall well-being using The Healthy Start system.
Many children suffer from sleep apnea and other sleeping issues. These sleeping issues can mimic the symptoms of ADHD. Sleep apnea in children can manifest as poor school performance, lack of focus, anxiety, headaches, allergies, and behavioral issues. A good night's sleep is so important, but especially for children as lack of sleep can make other matters worse, such as their ability to make good decisions or to control their emotions.
Does ADHD cause sleep problems? Because ADHD and sleep issues often go hand-in-hand, many blame their child’s ADHD for their difficulty falling or staying asleep. From the data collected by the Healthy Start system, it’s difficult to tell the difference between children with ADHD and childr…
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Jul 2, 2019
Ep #15: 5 ways to help ADHD kids refocus
Join the Smarter Parenting Club and learn additional strategies to help kids become successful. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
One of the biggest questions we get is how to help ADHD kids focus. As a parent, it can be incredibly frustrating to have to give the same instruction over and over again. Or to watch them not be able to accomplish simple tasks because they’re constantly being distracted.
In episode 15, ADHD coach Siope Kinikini shares five different refocus activities for children with ADHD. These activities are things that require limited prep and are things that a child can do on their own to focus.
How to help a child with ADHD refocus is to understand what’s going in their brain. Children with ADHD often struggle with being able to think in terms of the future. They often think in terms of now. This means they are easily distracted by what is happening to them right that moment or what they want right now. Because of that, they have a hard time with delayed grat…
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Jun 25, 2019
Ep #14: Compound effect of behavior skills
The compound effect of behavior skills does exist. Thousands of families have seen how using one behavior skill then another behavior skill has a compound effect to reduce behavior problems and increase feelings of trust and love.
When implementing new behavior skills for kids you will not see the compound effect of changing behavior overnight, but you will see them. Some families see small changes in a few weeks, where other families have to work on it for months before they notice those same changes. That’s okay. Each family and each child is different and will learn and progress at different rates.
This is especially true for a child with ADHD who make need longer to grasp a concept or an idea.
Investing the time to change your child’s behavior is just like investing in your 401K. You know if that if you are consistent in contributing just a little to your 401 K eventually you’ll that little effort will have a big pay-off. The same principle applies to your child.
Your obj…
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Jun 18, 2019
Ep #13: Why practice leads to success
As every actor, musician, or athlete knows, practice leads to success. In today’s podcast, ADHD parenting coach, Siope Kinikini discusses the fifth element of the Teaching-Family Model, Role-playing.
Role-playing is one of the most important, but often overlooked, tool in raising successful kids. Role-playing allows a child to practice new behavior over and over again until they feel confident in handling whatever situation they are placed in. When children have confidence in their ability to handle situations because they’ve practiced it, you’re allowing them to make better decisions and to take responsibility for the decisions they are making.
We offer parental guidance when we encourage our children to practice reading or homework, or piano over and over again so they can master it. Mastering behavior is no different. We can shape new behaviors by Role-playing new behavior.
What happens to the brain when we learn something new is that new pathways are created. The more we r…
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Jun 11, 2019
Ep #12: How to teach behavior skills
In today’s episode, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini talks about how quality components are the strength of the Teaching-Family Model and how to teach behavior skills.
We firmly believe that how to teach behavior skills is an individualized process. We want parents and families to find and use what works for them. What works for you to teach your child may not work for someone else. It’s okay to be flexible and to remember that you can make changes.
There are steps that parents as teachers can utilize when it comes to teaching behavior skills so that they get the desired result. Parents need to understand the elements of the Teaching-Family Model before they’re able to teach behavior skills to their child. As a parent, your job is to guide them and encourage them while showing them how to do it.
You are the expert for your child as you know your child the best and how you need to approach teaching behavior skills. You’ve been there through their highs and their lows.
Wo…
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Jun 4, 2019
Ep #11: What is the Teaching-Family Model?
What is the Teaching-Family Model is a common question that we get asked frequently? The Teaching-Family Model is an evidence-based behavioral approach that’s been used by professionals and families for over fifty years. It's helped thousands of children and to empower families by teaching them how to be successful.
The elements of the Teaching-Family Model that ADHD parenting coach Siope Kinikini teaches in the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcasts, have been proven to give parents and tools they need to help their children navigate life in a healthy way.
In the 1960s, a group of psychologists (Elaine and Elery Phillips, Dean Fixsen, Montrose Wolf, Gary Timbers) were interested in how better help troubled children and juvenile offenders in group home settings. They wanted to know what made families successful and if they could replicate what they did.
As they implement specific behavior skills in group homes, they found these children had fewer run-ins with the law, reduced dropout rat…
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May 21, 2019
Ep #10: Teaching-Family Model and therapy with Jesse Heaton
The Teaching-Family Model and therapy go hand-in-hand in helping families regain control.
In Episode 10, ADHD parenting coach Siope Kinikini, talks with therapist Jesse Heaton and how he uses Smarter Parenting to help support his ADHD clients.
Smarter Parenting is a division of Utah Youth Village. Utah Youth Village is dedicated to helping families learn the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model. Utah Youth Village has changed the lives of thousands of families.
The most effective behavior management plans involve both therapy and behavior skills at home. A therapist will only work with your child for a few hours during a therapy session, and why valuable, they can’t address everything.
Using behavior skills in conjunction with therapy, allows you to continue to address what they are working on at home. It also gives you and your therapist the same language that reduces confusion and ensures that all are on the same page. This can be especially helpful for your child as th…
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May 14, 2019
Ep #9: ADHD or bad parenting
As an ADHD parent, one of the most hurtful statements someone can say to you is, “Is it ADHD or bad parenting?” In that statement, whether, it’s a family member, a friend, or a stranger, they minimize the diagnosis of your child and the struggles of parents dealing with ADHD. It makes it feel like you can’t do anything right, and you’re all alone in parenting an ADHD child.
As someone who has ADHD, I find it mind-blowing when someone feels the need to tell me that ADHD doesn’t exist. ADHD is not a “made-up diagnosis.” ADHD is a real disorder that is recognized by the American Psychological Association and comes with real symptoms and behavior. ADHD behavior has been studied since the late 1800s.
To those who say we’ve gone overboard in the ADHD diagnosis, there is some truth in that. An ADHD diagnosis requires a child to exhibit specific behavior and to be diagnosed by a medical professional, but sometimes a parent or a teacher gives a child the “diagnosis” of A…
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May 7, 2019
Ep #8: What ADHD parents don't need to hear
In podcast #8, ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, discusses five things that ADHD parents don’t need to hear.
We know receiving unsolicited advice is a problem for many ADHD parents. It seems as soon as someone knows your child has ADHD the comments start. “Don’t worry; they’ll outgrow ADHD.” “They don’t have ADHD; they’re a troublemaker.” “Your child gets unfair advantage because of ‘ADHD.’” Or “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you say it is.”
In many cases, the person making the comment doesn’t understand the devastating impact their words have. They think they’re being helpful or supportive. In reality, they’re doing the opposite. They’re making ADHD parents feel judged, isolated, and overwhelmed.
When speaking to a parent of ADHD child, please don’t say the following five things to them.
First, ADHD doesn’t exist. Second, Everybody has ADHD. Third, ADHD is new, and now everybody has it. Fourth, I would never medicate my child. Fifth,…
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May 1, 2019
Ep #7: ADHD and anger issues in kids
ADHD and anger issues often go hand in hand, and dealing with it is a significant stress for most parents. ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, helps parents understand the real reason behind their child’s anger and gives ADHD strategies for dealing.
How to deal with a child with anger issues is a question that Siope is frequently asked. Parents want to know how to deal with the situation without it blowing up even more. But more than that, they want to know how to reduce future episodes of ADHD and aggression by doing things that help diffuse the situation instead of inflaming it.
The best way to deal with anger issues to understand what is happening in your child’s body when they are angry. The ADHD strategy that has worked well for countless families is to know why we get angry. We get angry because what you want or hoped for didn’t happen the way you wanted it to happen. Think about that. Anger stems because someone’s behavior or actions didn’t go how we wanted them to…
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Apr 24, 2019
Ep #6: Your expectations for ADHD child
I hear from parents how difficult parenting ADHD child is. They tell me that they want their child to be normal and successful. Instead, they feel judged, isolated, frustrated, overwhelmed, and often, like they’ve failed their child.
Parents, I can not say this loudly enough; you are not failing your child. Your stress, worry, and frustration is evidence that you are doing your best to help them.
Raising a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD requires a mind shift. If you have the same expectations for your ADHD as you do for your other child, you are setting yourself up for failure. It’s normal to want your ADHD child to act, think, and behave a certain way, but the truth is they won’t. That disconnect between how you want them to act and how they act is where that isolation, frustration, and exhaustion starts.
All parents have unrealistic expectations for their child. That is completely normal. As a parent, our expectations for ADHD child is that expect them to be “just…
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Apr 9, 2019
Ep #5: ADHD strategies for kids with Tanya Stevenson
Today you’re in for a treat as professional parent Tanya Stevenson shares the ADHD strategies she has used in working with challenging children. As a professionally trained parent in a group home setting, Tanya and her husband have parented countless kids with severe ADHD behavior. She’s dealt with hours-long tantrums and knows the frustration of kids not wanting to do their chores or get up in the morning. She 100% supports your caffeine addiction and believes it’s important for parents to have ADHD coping skills.
Many would say she’s crazy for continuing working with ADHD children, but she’s seen the success and long-term changes children can make because of the behavior skills of the Teaching-Family Model.
You don’t have to be a professional parent to learn to parent like one. Let that sink in. You can learn to be the best possible parent to your ADHD child when you put in the time and effort into learning behavior skills that will make a difference.
Like we reference…
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Apr 8, 2019
Ep #4: My ADHD journey
There is hope at the end of the tunnel for kids with ADHD. ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, shares his journey with ADHD. When you’re dealing with challenging ADHD behavior, it can be hard to believe your child can be like others. An ADHD diagnosis seems isolating and stressful.
Siope was diagnosed with ADHD as a child in elementary school. Siope knew something was different when he couldn’t function like other in elementary school. Parent-teacher conferences were difficult for his parents as his teachers constantly harped on his inability to focus and function and labeled him defiant and lazy. Getting told these things from adults made it hard for him to build self-esteem and enjoy the learning process in school. Based on what he was hearing, he didn’t think he’d be successful, and that was difficult.
In college, he learned to view his ADHD as strengths and to harness those strengths. In college, he learned particular skills that allowed him to manage his ADHD and set g…
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Apr 7, 2019
Ep #3: Finding ADHD resources
Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child is hard. Knowing what ADHD resources are available is one the ways to cope with ADHD behavior as it gives us a feeling of control in situations we feel are out of our control. Finding ADHD resources online can be overwhelming as there is a lot of out there, and it’s hard to know who are the ADHD specialists. Will their suggestion work for my child?
As an ADHD parent, you deal with different challenges and will know better than anyone where your child falls on the ADHD spectrum. Based on your research, you will start to apply things you think will work based on what you have researched. You may notice changes for awhile, but then your child may stop responding, and you feel like it didn’t work so back to studying you go.
Instead of picking one or two things from various approaches, Smarter Parenting is a comprehensive ADHD behavior plan. This comprehensive approach allows for greater success as it teaches you how to handle all stages of beh…
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Apr 7, 2019
Ep #2: Which is best? Behavior interventions or medication
The Smarter Parenting Club helps parents navigate their parenting journey. Join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
Behavior interventions or medication is a polarizing topic. Many believe that ADHD drugs are the cure-all for negative ADHD behaviors and that by giving their child ADHD medication, their child will be “normal.” There may be times when medication has its place in ADHD treatment, but it is not the cure-all. Parents need to be aware of the downsides of drugs and have an honest conversation with their doctor as they determine what ADHD treatment is best for their child.
No matter what you decide to do with medication, behavior interventions should always be part of your child’s ADHD treatment plan. Behavior modification will give your child the tools for long-term success. Behavior modification will allow your child to understand how to behave in various situations, reducing problem behavior.
Join ADHD Parenting Coach Siope as he shows you…
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Apr 7, 2019
Ep #1: Welcome to the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast
Smarterparenting.com is excited to introduce the ADHD Smarter Parenting Podcast and the Smarter Parenting Club.
ADHD Parenting Coach, Siope Kinikini, shows parents how to help a child with ADHD transform their mindset to empower their child to find long-term success. Transforming ADHD parent mindset means transforming your expectations. When you transform your expectations you view your child’s ADHD diagnosis as a positive instead of a negative. Transforming ADHD parent mindset will take work but will produce the results you want in your life. Want less stress? Want stronger relationships? Want your child to be successful? All are possible when you transform your mindset.
Will there be challenges in raising an ADHD child? Yes. Raising an ADHD child is difficult because your child’s brain works differently, which will require you to do things differently. It will take effort not to become frustrated when your child's behavior is challenging. It will take effort not to judge or com…
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