On the eve of the 1st anniversary of when COVID-19 was declared a pandemic, I mourn the loss of my best friend who lost his short-lived fight to it last month. I made this mix in an attempt to process my shock, my disbelief that years of talking to him every single day have been undone, and came to an indisputable irreversible end, in a matter of a week. He was my rock through thick and thin and I never imagined losing him this soon, at the young age of 36.
But I also made this for all of you out there who lost a dearly beloved, be it to any cause, foreseen or sudden. Much has been written about grief, but contending with it and living in a post-traumatic shock is something no one can prepare you for. Words escape me and I find myself in whirlwind of emotions that come in unpredictable waves. Emotions like anger, denial, sorrow, disbelief and regret. I go about my day feeling numb, aimless and dejected. I’m told time is a healer, but what if I don’t want to be healed? I’m scared of our memories fading into oblivion.
Maybe this mix will be a solace for all of us who grieve. It has the highs and lows, the ebbs and flows, the wave of emotions that come to define our experience living with such insurmountable loss.
And to Chris I whisper:
Goodbye, my friend; your journey has ended.
Your struggles have now begun to cease.
Time to close your eyes to happy dreams
And wake to eternal peace.
Goodbye, my friend; I don’t want to let go.
We’ve been together many years.
It’s hard to see what lies ahead.
It’s blurry through the tears.
Our two souls are forever entwined.
There will always be a hollow spot.
I will miss you until it becomes my time.
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Hope you enjoy this episode. Making this mix was a labor of love 🧡. If you feel like supporting Chill Pills podcast and online radio, buy me a cup of coffee ☕ (uppmixes.com/donate). It also helps when you share this podcast, rate it or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you subscribed to it. Thank you!
For something calmer, check out my other podcast: Calm Pills (calm.upliftingpills.com), which are soothing atmospheric ambient albums, seamlessly mixed to help with relaxation, meditation, reading or deep sleep.
No Spirit ― Memories We Made
Hollow Coves ― These Memories
An Imaginal Space ― Belated
Lights & Motion ― Northern Lights
Jon Hopkins ― Feel First Life
Spheriá ― Reminiscent Of Spring
The Captive Oceans ― There Is A World Better Off Without Me
Not a Number ― Awaiting Stasis (Excerpt)
Embrace ― I Had A Time
Ayan Das ― Remembrance (feat. Zan)
Michael FK ― Farewell
U137 ― Adam Forever (Album Version)
Amir Hedayah ― Mindspace
Amir Hedayah ― Betrayed
Susan Boyle ― Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Laibach ― End Title (We Leave in Peace)
Lovey James feat. Daniel Seavey ― See You Again (Cover Version)
No Spirit ― Trees In The Wind
Max Richter ― When She Came Back
Jon Hopkins ― Small Memory
the album leaf ― Another Day
J. Ralph Feat. Scarlett Johansson & Joshua Bell ― Before My Time