SWM 072 – Mar 2021 Questions – Should humans be non-monogamous and more

For those of you who are new here, each month I gather up the questions that have been submitted through our Have A Question page and answer them.  In most cases, we have no context and no way to ask for further information.  So, we do our best, given what we have.  

I’m a bit behind this month as I didn’t get to March’s questions yet.  So, today we’re going to get them out so I can tackle April’s hopefully before the end of the month.  

And now, on to the questions.

Question 1

Is any part of porn ok?

We were trying to figure out exactly what this question was asking.  If you’re asking if there is any justification for watching porn, then I’d say the answer is a resounding “no”.  If you want a deeper discussion, you’ll have to give a bit more detail. 

Now, that said, I’m working on a post answering another question we received that revolves around a similar question, so stay tuned for that.

Question 2

Am I being unreasonable to expect sex after oral?  My hubby says that he can’t perform penetration after I make him cum during oral.  Is this normal?  I really don’t like giving him oral because I’m left so unsatisfied.

Yes, this is completely normal.  In the vast majority of men (~90%), after they have an orgasm, their body releases prolactin which causes their body to go into a refractory period.  In short, this means they can’t achieve an erection again for some time.  Their refractory period can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 days depending on a variety of factors, many of which you can’t affect.

So, yes, this is absolutely normal, he can’t change that, and it’s not really fair in the least to get upset about it.  It’s a natural process that he has no control over.

That said, there are things you can do and still keep oral sex in your repertoire:

* Use oral sex as foreplay, then switch to penetrative sex so you can be satisfied.* Perform oral sex on him, and then him on you, or visa-versa.* Engage in a 69 - both of you performing oral sex on each other.* Perform oral sex on him while using a toy on yourself.

Question 3

If humans were intended by God to be monogamous then how do you explain sperm competition, females' ability to have multiple orgasms, males' ability to father children long after women of the same age have gone through menopause, and other biological features that suggest non-monogamy?

Good questions!  Alright, so, going down the list:

* Sperm competition - this is simply so that the healthiest sperm make it to the egg first giving the child the best chance at being the best possible genetic outcome.  This works regardless of how many partners you have (even one).  So, not an argument for non-monogamy.* Multiple orgasms - I would say this is proof that sex isn’t just about procreation, but also for pleasure.  Women who have multiple orgasms can do so within a single-sex session with a single partner, so again, not seeing how this is an argument for non-monogamy.  As well, statistically, most women aren’t as interested in sex with their single male partner as the male partner is, so why would they want multiple partners that they’d have an even more disproportionate desire to have sex with?* Male’s ability to father children long after women go through menopause - Well, women bear the physical burden of child-bearing, so as they get older, it gets more and more dangerous.
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