How important is oral sex? Is it okay to have a crush on a co-worker if I’m married? Are ‘cheating clauses’ healthy for relationships? How do I get over a crush? Why does sex education matter? Jess and Brandon chat sex, love and relationships addressing these questions and many more.
Check out the rough summary notes from the podcast below:
We’re in south Florida this week - I’m working on a new book all about seduction and foreplay along with my co-author Marla Stewart and we are enjoying the sunshine. But it has been a stressful week - with Lido.
And I just found out that I’m shadow banned on Instagram because my account gets reported all the time - I don’t post provocative or even sexy photos. It’s mostly my face, Brandon’s and my pup Lido’s, but because people don’t like that I talk about sex, they report me and Instagram has shadow banned me. Now they can send me harassing messages and Instagram doesn’t do anything about it. I reported a dick pick on FB the other day and FB said that the person’s account doesn't violate their terms. But somehow because I talk about sex and relationships, none of my hashtags show up in feeds or searches and my content is hidden from many people’s feeds - even those who follow me. So if you follow me on Insta - it’s SexWithDrJess - please take a moment to head over to my account. If you can comment on a photo or two it should help me out - and Insta doesn’t like one word comments because they think they’re bots.
It’s a struggle working in this field because even though we’re here providing education and trying to help people to feel better about themselves, we face judgment and pushback at every turn. We live in a culture that is okay with depictions of gruesome violence or extreme risk taking and dangerous behaviour like shootouts, or high speed car chases, or war, but the mere mention of sex — which by the way is a the life-force that keeps our planet populated — freaks people out. I had a post reported on FB entitled 5 conversations to deepen the bond and connection in your relationship. FB said it violated their community standards. Yet I see posts that promote homophobia, transphobia, racism and misogyny every time I open my feed.
Without sex you wouldn’t be here. Without sex, we wouldn’t have computers, we wouldn’t have surgical developments that save lives, we wouldn’t have the internet that keeps us connected. People developed these technologies and people are here because their parents had sex.
This erotophobia not only affects my day-to-day life - I see it when people judge me when I walk in a room because of my work and I can’t wait until the day I stop caring and speak up, but more importantly our fear of sex affects the health and safety of every one of us. Because we don’t talk about sex with young people, we’re putting their lives at risk.
Because research shows that sex education - talking about sex - is associated with improved academic achievement, greater gender equity, higher school attendance rates.
Research shows that sex education is associated with suicide prevention.
Research shows that sex education can dispel misinformation about sex spread by popular media. Done right, it can address the misogynist, ableist, ageist, classist, racist depictions of sex and relationships we see in popular media.
Research shows that sex education can improve confidence, decrease abuse, and help people to live more fulfilling lives and have happier relationships.
It reduces STI transmission and unplanned pregnancies by increasing the likelihood of delaying sex, using condoms and communicating about what you want and what you don’t want.
But somehow, sex ed is framed as a controversial issue. A divisive issue. A political issue. But it’s not a matter of politics or opinion or religion — sex ed is a matter of life and death.
So please support sex ed. Speak up. Follow and support sex educators. Help us get un-shadow banned. Rant over.