A Rational Fear
A Rational Fear
Mar 30, 2023
LIVE PODCAST: Cookers, Planets, and Gas. OH MY! — Brisbane — Mandy Nolan, Mark Humphries, Mel Buttle, Lewis Hobba, Dan Ilic + Dr. Jessie Christiensen
Play • 54 min





G'day Fearmongers —

Be sure to buy a ticket to the Melbourne show THIS SUNDAY — April 2nd

Failing that — In your feed this week, we have the live show we did last weekend at the World Science Festival In Brisbane.

It was one of our best live shows — the podcast doesn’t do it justice. If you were there and you’re listening back, you’ll notice a lot of the visual jokes have been disappeared like a Russian business man from a seven story building.

But — thanks to Jacob Round on the teppanyaki timeline, you have a wonderful audio experience.

On the podcast we have an elite squad of fearmongers:

From left to right in the picture that you can see in the Substack newsletter: https://arationalfear.com/

👽 Dr. Jessie Christiensen
🧮 Mel Buttle
💿 Dj Dylan Behan
💨 Dan Ilic
🕺🏻 Mark Humphries
🌲 Mandy Nolan
🌕 Lewis Hobba

It was a terrific show — for nearly 90 minutes (the podcast is about 60) we shot the science shi💩t, talked about the harmful effects of Gas, if we really need Maths and Science, we all sat a science exam, we looked at cookers in the Northern Rivers, we hunted Aliens, and spoke about mines on the Moon (again).

Enjoy the show — and come to our Melbourne show TOMORROW (April 2nd 2023)— we spent a lot of money on the poster. (Sorry, that was the last reminder)


Dan Ilic
Professor of Breaking Even
Melbourne Comedy Festival







The following programme contains medium coarse language and traces of nuts. A rational fear recommends listening by immature audiences. Comedians experts laughing at the world as it burns down

from the World Science Festival in Brisbane. Rocheleau fear

tonight's Queensland premier Anastasia paler shade has announced audacious Net Zero plan, which includes no working light bulbs or the gamma by 2030. It's been revealed that Martian soil may have all the nutrients to grow rice smoother the Mars rover. The next vehicle to go to the surface of Mars will be a sushi train and samples of an asteroid collected by the Japanese probe Ryugu tested positive for a component of RNA less surprising. The asteroid also tested positive for HPV. Everyone's got it. Live from the World Science Festival in Brisbane. This is our rational rational

Welcome to rational fear. I'm your host former head of the CSI roads department of compromise Dan which and this is the podcast that laughs in the face of humanity's biggest challenges. And we are at the World Science Festival in Brisbane. I have no idea why they let us come let's just call it an experiment and we'll move on. Let's meet our fear mongers for tonight not content with making jokes on stage she decided she wanted to join the Joker's in Parliament. It's comedian and former candidate for the Greens Mandy Nolan.

Tonight, Mandy, you're going to be talking about conspiracy theories. What's your favourite?

My favourite would be when someone put on the community Facebook page where I live asking for a diet of how to get the trackers out of the meat I love that one.

All right now you would have seen her on the 100 you would have seen her and would I lie to you you would have seen her and question everything. But to anyone under the age of 30. She provides the moral authority that is mom on tick tock Please give it up a male bottle

now you're gonna be talking through science and maths as they are a core part of the STEM education system. But are they necessary? No, not at all. And he is one of Australia's most powerful satirical comedians, which is why the government tells the ABC that he can only perform once a fortnight for two minutes at a time from 730 It's Mark Humphries.

Mark Mark if the government were allowed you to perform once a week on the ABC what would happen? Oh, the

colonists News Corp would lose their mind and here

is your they haven't lost them.

After the New South Wales election, they've lost nearly everything. Oh look at the oil the inside audience I've come to love

I'm sorry. That is disgusting. Pig like filthy Newscorp column is sitting on this very panel tonight. Oh, we forgot. Yeah, let me be a little lefty conference.

I've always thought you were a mole. Alright, here we go. Next. fear monger has a very particular set of skills that she's acquired over a very long career skills and make her a nightmare. For undiscovered planets. She's discovered more planets than any woman alive or dead. She is Jessie Christian.

Dr. Jesse Christmas in my mistake. The good doctor tell us if you're a planet out there, what's the best way to stay hidden?

Well, I think we're going to hear about some gas stove controversy tonight. And most plants that we found have a lot of gas. So I would just say dump that gas as fast as

good policy everywhere dump that gas. And when it comes to science and Triple J, there's only one man that comes to mind. And that's Dr. Carr. And our next guest has met Dr. Carl Lewis. How is this true? You've met Dr. Carr.

I had met Dr. Carl, but he has faced blindness. He hasn't remembered me one.

That's right, proceed for next year or something like that.

Then we leave those sorts of words to the side.

Up on stage tonight we've got DJ Dylan bein from the news fighters podcast. Coming up later in the podcast, we're gonna be grilling Jesse about aliens and the most affordable places to buy a home in the universe. But first here is a message from this week's sponsor.

irrational fear and audible presents David Attenborough reading the AR six report from the IPCC uncensored, unplanned and unhinged human activities, principally through emissions of greenhouse gases have unequivocally caused global warming. You see, I told you I fucking told the moment the BAFTA award winning naturalists brain explodes with global surface temperatures reaching 1.1 degrees centigrade. How many fucking documentaries do I need to fucking make? Experience the frustration of someone who's given their life to the pursuit of truth. In the face of unbridled capitalism, D. Rapid and sustained reductions in greenhouse gas emissions would lead to a discernible slowdown in global warming within around two decades discernible. I'll be dead to fucking How about I give you all a discernible reduction in meat. It's what could be David Attenborough's last great audio book. Oh, fuck it. That's it. I'm getting into crypto. Now available on Audible, download the app and start listening today.

The only podcast made entirely by artificial intelligence.

Russia, oh,

via this week's first fear the culture was evolving. No one does culture was like Americans. And now there's a new front you can enlist in, you're probably familiar with all the other cultural wars and how they kind of break down the middle of kind of political boundaries left versus right. Democrat versus Republican. For instance, you're either in favour of guns, or you're in favour of graduating Primary School. Either you're in favour of universal health care, or you're in favour of selling a kidney to pay for Band Aid. Either you think masks will help curb COVID-19 Or you think drinking bleach will. And but there's one thing that both of these groups can agree on. And that is the solution to most of these problems involves thinking and praying a lot. Now there is a new weapon in the culture wars or a new front end. Heavier, heavier, lighter is ready. It's all about gas. Yeah, gas stoves, specifically natural gas stoves. Now in January this year, when an official from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission made an offhand comment in a podcast that if gas stoves couldn't be made safe, they would consider a ban Americans on the right lost their collective brains because, like toddlers, if Americans are told not to touch a stove, that's what they want to do. They want to touch it. You can imagine a canyon, you know, like people like on the right going, Oh, if the White House comes to my gas stove, they can pry it out of my cold dead hands. Some of you laughed. But that's that's what happened. These Ronnie Jackson from Texas, he accidentally said that. If the maniacs in the White House come from my stove, they can pry from my cold dead hands. Come and take it.

If you're touching a gas stove and your hands are cold, it's already gone. Yes.

Ronnie Jackson, he's from Texas. But he sounds familiar where it says Ronnie Jackson guy from again. How do we know? Ronnie Jackson, the congressman and former chief medical adviser to President Trump. Oh, right. Yeah. This guy knows what he's talking about. Ted Cruz even passed a bill. The gas stove protection and freedom act as if gastos was some kind of like founding father but was like, but we're also an endangered species. And congratulations to everyone in the audience who had gas stoves having more rights than women this year in America. Well done. celebrity chefs got into the protests and attach themselves to their own gas stoves.

In response to the Biden administration suggested proposal to ban all natural gas stoves, stoves, in households commercial kitchens, I have taped myself to the stove and I will stay taped to this stove until the idea is completely eliminated from everybody's minds.

I'll be here nothing says commitment like sticky tape.

That'd be great for his dating profile ladies a man who takes himself to the stove

What will you do for your loved ones? Yeah,

really like if you go to like lock the gate or something in Australia with their handcuffs themselves. Like they'll courage ourselves to the gate

almost committed Yeah. This is what they're fighting for. Right. So recent studies in the United States and in Australia have shown that gastos were responsible for 12% of childhood asthma cases that's kind of comparable to living with a smoker and also when Cooking without ventilation, dangerous levels of gas buildup in the home. And that is comparable to living with a Sky News viewer. I think I prefer the secondhand smoke to be honest. And let's not forget oh sorry, Mel said let's not forget that natural gas is just methane with a new name, right? It's the product name for gas, you know, much like natural coal, natural crude oil and natural uranium, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, natural yum, yum, yum. And here's the thing. Natural gas is 80 times more potent as a greenhouse gas than co2. It traps heat, but a great, much greater length, but also for a shorter period of time. So next time you fart, please hashtag keep it in.

Dan, do you know? Do you know where most of the methane in the atmosphere comes from?

No, I assumed it was McDonald's.

You're you're pretty close. It's cow farts?

Yes. cow farts? Yes.

The all of the head the herds of cattle around the world fighting all the time. And that's Yes.

So you're saying we should take ourselves to a cows?

To keep in

mind, you'll have to pry this

out I'm just gonna put my tummy in here.

Louis, hashtag keep it in. Why didn't anyone tell us that burning fossil fuels in your own can be bad for your health in the environment. It's almost as if there's a group of well organised rich people intent on selling us a product that kills us how retro? Here's the thing, though, this is a crazy thing, right? The American Gas Association, they says they don't actually even want to sell that much gas. What they're interested in doing is providing the infrastructure to sell gas. What they want to do is get politicians to mandate the gas infrastructure be attached to every home as an option, because that's where the money is building the stuff. You know, in Australia, that means that's about 5 million homes that have gas pipelines terminating at their houses. But what about Australian politicians? What do they even like us? Gas Gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas, gas. Gas gas? Yes, yes.

All right. Yeah, I had to when I was young is banty. In the greens, we have to say coal and we have to say stop coal and gas a lot. Like that. 500 days on the day, I got to the point where I said, it's so much I have to stop calling gas. What have you been doing? I've been stopping coal and gas on and I like filling up my diesel Jeep stopping garlic, it's a win to an osteopath. And he said I've got to do a manoeuvre and it might actually release some coal and gas. And I know it's we've got to stop it. The scary

in Australia, you know, we laughed at the bleach joke before but you know, during COVID I don't know if you remember this government thought they could stop COVID By building a gas pipeline. The gas lead recovery was something that was designed to stop a respiratory disease. I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

It was only it was only gas to the node though it wasn't

the gas industry isn't taking this lying down. They've seen a lot of this research come out. So they've got the influencers on board. They're encouraging and paying influencers to posts with the hashtag cooking with gas. We've got some wonderful influencers up here who are cooking with gas, which is amazing. And here's this here's a slide from the campaign brief to the influencers. They want to target sub segments during key moments in time, like summer, autumn, winter, spring. I think what they're trying to say is all the time some are promising families you can see what they're actually promising these families like a 12% rise in asthma or total ecological destruction. It's hard to tell. And here is our theory some Australian accounts as well. You'll find someone who posts from block contestants, this woman doing gas fueled yoga, who she is, you can see her here in the sellout pose. And if you look carefully, she's got very inflexible morals. Don't worry, don't worry, this person actually isn't real. She's just a stock photo that companies use. It's really this is the most authentic and engaging idea that the gas industry has had since they released a rap video in 1988 called cooking with gas. I'm going to play some of it for you. I should stress this is real. The thing goes for four minutes don't worry we'll we'll get out of it before gas cooking with gas cooking with gas we all cook better when we're cooking with gas is so hot. It's not on when it's off. It's the only way to cook. That's what I was not accused of that he should have to know the past nine out of 10 chefs only cook that was that to say Can I cook my way? The benefits would have to tell her really make the day so listen last because we're gonna go back here are all the reasons you should cook with gas. I cook with gas because I'm in control. The flank could be a gentleman there are a lot of reasons to COVID Genki kids going for olive harbour just even hates it. She's crying already. I know I'll leave I know darling. But when you know that it's a real rap. They're the Full lyrics you can you can look them up online if you want to. It really exists. They press they've even printed vinyl. Even the phrase now you're cooking with gas. It's been around a long time. It's been in advertising for ages back in 1939. A gas executive coined it and gave it to sorry olive

because that's her future

she's noticeably upset about gas gas Waco. I mean, you're from Queens and you know there's a character in in Bundaberg. He dresses up as coal and he wishes the kids Good night on Channel Seven is like

I think that's the man

out of my brain went How do I get a gig

so not in 39. It was coined by a gas executive and he got them on radio shows Jack Benny and Bob Hope and that's where now you're cooking with gas came from way back in 1939 1939. Remember that it was back when co2 in the atmosphere was only 311 parts per million. The point is is taken 80 years and this is slowly changing, right the narrative around gas is changing. But what the electrify everything crowd need is not more reports they kind of just need a wrap. To do that. We made one we found some of the same people who were in the 98 wrap. It was hard not everyone was available understandably most likely it doesn't go for four minutes so let's let's roll the tape

cooking with gas cooking with gas making an ad

that was cooking with gas

at first I thought that gas was cool until I got held back in school diagnosed with asthma lung condition ADHD No wonder I could distract cooking with gas gas we've all got problems because we're cooking with gas carbon monoxide nitrogen dioxide particulate matter of fact my favourites formaldehyde killing substances are entering your brain because

you're cooking in your house with

cooking with gas cooking with gas our bodies are off because we're cooking with gas.

On the big gas man tellin politicians to use gas whenever they can to reduce damages to a bank balance. Even renaming effects and dealing with gas killing with gas methane accelerates global warming so.

Please give it up for Mandy Nola.

Thank you. Something that Dan didn't tell you is I come from a little town in northern New South Wales called Mullumbimby Do you know people that judge me the guy looking at you all up yourself with your registered car

driving my immunised children to send to lay not a big lineup where I am. But you would have seen when when I was running last year I think was about a year ago. It was a big push because we had a lot of epic. A lot of conspiracist. Does anyone do you have anyone because we know them. Like I have a friend. That's one. You know, she's a fuckwit. But she's still a friend. And what happens is like in a city, like you don't need to keep in a small area. You've got to keep your fuckwits close. Close she like she gets freaked out like she'd go to me. She goes don't get vaccinated. She goes That's the government trying to give you 5g And she goes into self assembling chip mandates a gel chip that comes in and then it goes around and assembles in your body. And he's saying the government's doing this. She goes yeah, I mean, is that the same government that can't get fibre optic cable to my home? That government talking them up? Hey, I'd be really impressed. I was so impressed because I thought I'm gonna get All the vaccinations because I live in a regional area coverage is shit and I thought next time I come out for a campaign I can go like tethered to my tits like I'll be the human example of connectivity like come on but she gets this particular friend gets freaked out and I knew I drove in the other day and you know when you see like I saw I saw like a big plume in the sky and I went off the chem trail people are going to be busy today because she she would freak out every time I put a picture of a cloud because there's I don't know that can see this a lot of menopausal women here and when you you reach an age where you see a cloud and you went on fuck I have to photograph that people will want to see that on Facebook which is ironic because the sky is like the original fucking internet we can all see it to comment on and so I put every time I put a cloud up she's straight on she's bang on a gun. Oh my god. She goes that's not that's not a cloud bendy that's that's the camera and I have to say like she didn't study kind of shoot she didn't do so she's not working for the bomb. She didn't study meteorology or in I think she did massage at Tufts she didn't finish and she's always saying that that's a cloud you know that's so that's a chem dry so what do you think is happening she gets all this the government spraying us and I said why she goes on to dumb us down

well that would be a waste of sprite

it I love the confidence of a community like where I live like those 3000 people probably Max sort of living in the liberal region in the country town. And you're going that way actually think we're being smart with that subversive the government's like, oh, fuck, get in the plane again. We're gonna have to come on, Barry, we're gonna have to fucking spray Mullumbimby again

I just wish like, I've lived there for 2030 years and people aren't big believers in the chemicals, you know, as far as deodorant, et cetera. And I understand that I do get it but sometimes in summer I think Fuck What Are They Spraying because they just put some Rick Simon are in there

long as what's up with this conspiracy theorists in Australia? Like, are we seeing more of them because of social media? Or are they actually more of them? Do you think?

I reckon is actually more of them. I've been there was a New South Wales election, I was out at the polls sort of handing out and there's some batshit crazy people that that there. There was one guy and he was like, the handing out for the kind of completely one guy's theory was and this is history. We're going What do you do? He wants to do logging. But he goes, what do you do about the quality because you take the koalas out, cut the forest down and put the koalas back on the stumps? And he told me he worked for 30 years in bio warfare, and I went you fucking did not. But he got 1000 votes. Literally got 1000 35,000 I just added a few I did my

bio warfare is taking a while is that a forest and cutting it down? I'm putting a coil back like maybe he just doesn't know what by

where I live amongst the hippies. That fucking his bio warfare. You touch a koala. It's done

by koalas got chlamydia. So it's throwing koalas at your enemies a good way of doing Yeah.

worried me during that the pandemic is that it made me think that actually maybe we are all conspiracy theorists. We're just waiting for the global event to unlock it in us. So that we all might have something that actually is our sort of our personal conspiracy. Well,

let me ask you that, like, what is a conspiracy theory that you think? Sure right now it's crazy. But if it was to be debunked, and to be true, you would go I don't do that all the time. Is it? Is it one of these? Was there one in particular?

I like the there's no such thing as Australia conspiracy theory. That's a good one. Have you seen that one? Yeah, a bunch of people in America who just don't think Australia's real so be prepared for that too? Because I reckon I've come around a bit on Aliens. I must admit I got a

real How do you? How do you mean you've come around an alien.

I didn't much like them at all. Now I've met a few face to face. Back to where they came from.

Basically what happened is that they took towels up into the thing and you are attached

no talk to me because I like services. The footage has come out of the all the pilot footage and the new tire stuff. I'm like, Oh no, they're real. They're real. They might be

here. They're not here, but they're real. Well.

What about the lizard one I love that there's the lizard people and the royal family of lizards. I just think, I just think and Kerry Packer was the lizard and I went talk he was he was

I mean, I've been accused of being conspiracy theorists, because I've maintained for many years that there was a two week period in the 90s, where Richard Wilkins wore an eyepatch. There's no photographic evidence, but I remember

everyone this is

hypothesis. Science is slightly cooler than Matt's equipment used for the experiment, my brain method thinking in some googling. Let's try and press juicy. Results. Here we go. Science is defined as the pursuit and application of loading small bits of paper with your Bunsen burner without the teacher noticing. Wisdom maths can be defined as I don't know some shit about the area of a rectangle who gives a fuck honestly but both rely on logical investigation to solve problems but maths differs from science because in maths you would need to provide your own fire starting device. There are unfortunately no Bunsen burners in maths or excursions or anything cool ever. The most dangerous thing in a math classroom is the teacher's coffee breath, followed closely by the wrongly named compass. This tool can be used to stab holes in your eraser engrave your name on a desk or make threats to other children. It is alleged that the compass can be used to draw circles also sounds like a job for tracing around a cup to me. Big compass that's just one of the many differences between science and maths. Both are often described as being used to prove observations and model physical process. Maps can also be described if three equals B and four equals a. What does x equal? I don't know mate. I'm over here in science learning about how not to get pregnant seems a little bit more important doesn't it?

Let's let's romance a bone. Sure. Maths is older than science. Okay, big warp. Not everything old is good at take my mum for example. She thinks that Instagram stories are being personally sent to her. She says things like carpet cold keep sending me photos. The rugs on my phone know that this is a quote from from Darwin, a mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't even there or boom roasted mascot that maths teachers walk home at 5pm with huge old headphones on eating a cheese stick even though they're in their 30s science teachers however, own a car and are often able to produce evidence of a partner. maths teachers have been replaced by Google and they know it right I'll prove it to you. Here we go. So you know in maths you remember back in high school maths when from about eight to 10 You just spent like every day on triangles all day was triangles, just triangles coming at you every triangle outside of a triangle inside what you know, what's the angle of nonstop triangles, right? Math teachers, they just love triangles right? And I checked out of maths you might have picked up a bit of angle there towards maths in my opening remarks I didn't like math so what I did was I just gave up and I just did I didn't have any interest in math my maths teacher called me out she goes male I can say that you're not doing any work and you've got a test coming up and we're doing like I don't know the angle thing of a triangle it goes you're gonna need to know this. This is a life skill okay. And I was I was in your town I was very bold I said sorry Mrs. Muslim he I don't mean to disrespect your your subject area. But what we're doing now with the angles of a size of a little fucking triangle is never going to be part of my life. She goes Oh, isn't it? Isn't it just this is what they love to do. They'd love to give you an example though. maths teachers love to go and let me give you an example of when you would use this right? And the example is always exactly exactly the same. This is example I give you ready This is what Mr. Muslim he said. Okay mil, you are doing some renovations on your house. And there's a little triangle shaped gap in the tiles in the bathroom. Yeah. And you need to tell the person that the towel shop what size triangle, you need to put in that little towel shaped gap and you don't want to buy a whole square metre of tile Do you know you just want to go down to the tile shop and you want to measure the little gap and work out the exact size until the person next size triangle shape told that you needed you won't be able to do that metal unless you pay attention to what we're doing now. Let's jump back to reality for just a minute. That sounds like a problem that can be fixed by putting a bath mat over

number two if I can't afford a square metre of tile How the hell am I paying for these extensive renovations I think we got bigger fish to fry number three I also know that if I need a very affordable square metre of tile to have a practice cut on to get my triangle right, I can just go to Frank Walker national tile and for 99 If I've got a square metre or fully important Italian porcelain finally I will leave you on this if I'm ever doing maths in a bathroom. Oh come on. There's only one type of maths that we in showbiz doing a bathroom and that is how do you split a bag into three lines. Now battle thank you so rational

female is something in school that you learned that that you've never used as an adult.

We you know nine for some reason we had four science teachers in the space of a month something was like the drummer's in spinal tap, they all just something happened to them. And I remember on the third or fourth science teacher, he came in one day and said it was his first day with us is it now guys, I don't know what's going on here. But I get the sense I'm not gonna be here very long. So if I am here for only one day, I'm going to teach you how to memorise the first 20 elements of the periodic table. And he taught us this mnemonic which was h heliborne. can often no Miguel sips clock it. Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen. And so he was only if one day I couldn't tell you anything else about the three four years I did have science, but I can give you those 20 bucks and

use that as an adult.

I mainly use it on game shows and Mandy

I think it was geography and we learned the three different types of

rocks literally was gonna say the same thing. Sedimentary who has ever done this yet and Morphe Yeah, everybody.

What about conglomerate?

Oh, is that a rock?

No, we didn't get conglomerate. I'm sorry. That's out.

What about Johnson sorry.

Sounds like something you get when you got IBS?

I feel like that should be how all schooling works is teachers become like travelling theatre troops. Every teacher just does one day at school. And they go, here's the one thing you need to know. And then they move on. As a student every day, you're like, oh, we gotta get to that.

You find something vaguely apocalyptic. This could be the last day

what would be that thing? My thing would be please pay your taxes. Is there one thing that's missing from the school curriculum that that I think it's how

to talk to tradesmen?

Yeah, that's my goal. If you can't talk to the tradesmen you need.

Exactly Oh, yeah. No, I think it's like

learn French German and tradie

go to a tradesperson in France, about robots but use the Sydney in Australia.

How many coffees do you have to let them use the toilet delivering their own water? I don't know. That covered off

well, hang on a second.

I think I think I can think I can hear something. Oh my god.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, it's winds time. Oh, please. Welcome to the stage the man whose career is going so well.

Thank you, thank you for that generous introduction of who you were. Yesterday. it's quiz time. And we've got some fabulous contestants on stage tonight. Would you please stand up remember poster contest?

So, we've got a series of questions. Some of them are vaguely science related, some of them with more of a political slant. And the rules are very simple. I'll read out the question and a series of possible answers. If you could wait till all the answers are read out before putting your hand up, because that's where all the jokes are. Okay, all right, we ready? Question one. If all the climate modelling shows that we should open zero new coal mines to avoid certain death, how many new coal mines Would you open? If you were the Queensland Government? Is it a zero? B? Zero, c zero or D 18. Anyone guess Mandy

I know this one. I think it's D 18. To donation pay only one so it's at

18 That's correct. Well, their mandate

the Queensland Government's paying for this gig as many as they want oh

that's that invoice is gonna take a while to go through Yes, Mel if you could sort of bulk invoice for the two of us

like a minor you just keep digging

let's move on to question two showers. Question two how often is a one in 500 year flood Oh,

I see what we're playing here you're actually doing pointless

Oh no, you're gonna get our climate podcast cancelled.

Louis please. So how often is a one in 500 year flood is it a one in 500 years if you are Scott Morrison be one in 1000 years if you ask former New South Wales premier Dominic Paris a see one in 3500 years if you ask Barnaby Joyce or D seemingly once every fucking week these days

he wants to go D again.

I lived through it we got to in a month to a month

so we'll go with not quite every week is full

I think we'll get well except for Mandy

winning this bogus quiz

every time you get it right all right. And uh, when

I need to sit back because I feel like I'm like hogging the

No. I got a question for Jesse. You know, you live in LA LA area. You would have experienced some wild weather lately. What's it been like for place? It never rains to be raining so much lately?

Oh, okay. Yeah, wet stuff keeps coming out of the sky. Every day. You get up on it. There's more wet stuff coming out of the sky. It's really confusing. How does the sky hold that much where it's coming from again and again? Have you

been filming it and go on these fucking counts?

Question three, according to the Reserve Bank estimates what is the level of inflation expected to be this year? Is that a $8 blue tick? The $10 Iceberg lettuce. We'll see quarter of a million dollar Bureau of Meteorology name change

welcome to Bay

can I find a friend I think it works at the Bureau I'll accept that Bureau totally forgot that salary happened.

All right. Clive Palmer. Palmer

still popular out here.

All right. Clive Palmer spent $100 million to get one senator elected last year. What is that Senators name? Is it a dynamic be David Mamet see Ralph Babbitt his real name gets lost. Day sister Back to Back in the Habit. Anyone

to back to back

into the habit. So just to recap, that's Mandy to Lewis One Dan one. Isn't this thrilling?

One was it was

Ralph Bapt. There's another question here. A question so before it's all about from here before entering Parliament United Australia party Senator Ralph Babbitt

sounds like something you get doesn't get a little bit around

that's all quite common

All right before entering parliament, Senator Ralph Babbitt thought the crossbench was a the seats between the government and opposition or be a piece of fitness equipment.

I don't reckon he's seen fitness equipment.

We'll give it to Ralph. Yes. Okay. Thank

you. Yeah.

All right. Let's say that he knew what a real estate agent on the weekends or said someone else. He was a real estate agent. But he he still He works there on the weekends. I'm pretty sure he got. He got in trouble for it recently. They were like, oh, you can't have another job route. But he's like I just help out on the weekends.

Is what's amazing is going from real estate agent to postseason. He went from like, second most despised profession to most despised.

When a real estate agent turned up recently at the like, turf rally, you're like a fucking course.

Okay, couple more questions. I this was a little complicated, so you'll need to listen very carefully. All right now in 2017, then water Minister Barnaby Joyce approved an $80 million purchase of two water licences. These licences belonged to a Cayman Islands based company set up by Angus Taylor, who subsequently became Australia's energy minister. Keeping that in mind how many staffers as Barnaby Joyce impregnated?

One one is correct. Well know that we know allegedly, exactly.

I decided I was going to run for politics. I said, look, it's not about climate change. I just want to have sex with Barnaby Joyce. So I can make him lie back and go you know, lie back Barnaby and think of New England. You said dad joke, and then I'd walk off leave him there.

Now we've reached the final question. And do you believe in fight, it's all tied up? Can you believe it's a Who am I question. So who am I? Until recently, I was a hairdresser and extremely amateur welder. i Some of you ahead of me. I took on these jobs despite already having a job. I also took on five other jobs of my colleagues while having this job. I recently took on a global speaking job despite the fact that I again still have a job. Despite all these jobs, I will be best remembered for my catchphrase, that's not my job.

Who could it be 321 of the audience are.

Excellent, our interview guests this afternoon is one of Australia's biggest and best brains there a legit NASA scientist right here. spent four years on the Kepler programme. Our next guest has made it her mission to organise the universe she spent 10 years building and running the NASA exoplanet archive. She was superstar all week here at the Brisbane science festivals playing the sellout crowds all week. We're lucky enough to have her here. Please give it up for Dr. Jesse Kritsa.

First of all, let's get some basics out of the way quickly. Mars it's not named after the planet Mars. Or capsuleer.

Yes, no, I My mind was blown. Genuinely blown. Like all caps on Twitter. Mars bars are not named after either the planet or the God. They're named after a dude named Mars. I feel robbed for some guy named Mars and their Mars bars.

Let's also get back to planets in our local area of Pluto. It's not coming up not coming back as a planet.

Now Sorry, sorry. I you know, I wasn't old enough to vote in the 2000 referendum and I also wasn't old enough to vote in the 2006 vote for whether Pluto was a planet or not. But they demoted Pluto. It still exists. It's still out there. They've just called it like there's a different bucket that they've put it in called dwarf planet to this planets and dwarf planets. It gets to be the first of its kind.

Can you say that anymore? Like don't have to use another word

I believe the correct term is little person planet. That's where Andrew Denton lives now. He's afraid

he was offended. I can't because I know so little about science. I can't tell if you're joking. Was there a vote? Yeah, there

was a vote yes. At the International Astronomical Union in 2006. All of the astronomers got together. They argued for five days, most of them went home and whoever was left voted, and they demoted Pluto in a vote.

Wow. So you said you weren't old enough. So how old you have to be the vote on

old enough to be an eminent enough astronomer, astronomer that you're allowed into the International Astronomical Union? I was still a student. Yeah, no serious business. So is

there any chance if we can pay not enough we could get?

I mean, technically would be allowed. And actually, there's a bunch of astronomers who would be on your side, the ones who had to leave the capital.

Did any of those astronomers care that they ruined the way I remember planets? My very easy memory DJEGAL saves us naming.

Many astronomers were very sad. Yeah. And I apologise to everyone who's personally affected means dramatised by this decision, how do you feel

about Pluto? Why do you think that Pluto should be planted?

Well, if you look at what so for Pluto, okay, let's talk about it. So you have the sun and you have the eight planets that are going around the sun, they're all orbiting the sun in circles. And in the same plane, it's like a big pancake. And they're all circles that get bigger and bigger and bigger out from the sun. Pluto is on a big angle, and it's on big oval shaped orbit. So it actually looks quite different from the planets

and what the lovin feels like me.

Exactly. And you don't want to be lumped in with all the normies. So what happened was, we started finding more and more of these objects that were inclined and on these big oval orbits, and they were like, ah, are they planets? Are they something new. So that's why they came up with this new designation dwarf planet and Pluto just got read got kicked out of the planet club and into the dwarf planet club. I understand scientifically that classification. I think for historical purposes, we should have just left Pluto was a planet just because it's just created a big mess. No one's happy that dogs not happy. Not happy. It's just bad. It's bad press.

You're you're working exoplanets. So for everyone who doesn't know like me? What is the term exoplanet about what does it mean? Just to get a definition out?

Yeah, so these are planets outside our solar system? Mostly we find them around the other stars in the sky. But we have also found rogue planets. free floating planets that are just out there floating in between the stars probably got kicked out of planetary systems. Who knows why

they sovereign planet?

Craig chemtrails. Yeah. Let's talk about JW S T. Sure. The James Webb Space Telescope No, we shouldn't call it that, right? I'll call it JW S T. All right. 15 years ago, it was like hard to find an exoplanet. Now it's a lot easier. How has JW st changed that for you.

So database, it is more of a characterization instrument than a discovery instrument. So Kepler, for instance, discovered 1000s of the planets in its survey. But what JW T will do is allow us to look at each one of those planets in exquisite detail and actually measure their atmospheres and look at their surfaces in a way that we couldn't ever do before.

Yeah, and how has it changed? How has that changed your work? Like kind of what you do?

Yeah, so at the exoplanet archive, what we do is keep track of all of the planets that we found outside our solar system and everything we know about them and so far we've mostly only known really basic stuff so kind of how big they are their temperature not much more than that, but with jadibooti because we're going to find so much more information we're actually building a whole new environment at the archive to put all this new kind of atmosphere information so what molecules and what layers are in the atmosphere and what's the wind speed and is there a cloud or not?

Are they matter call they're gonna save us soldiers.

Were like the Bureau for measuring the weather on these planets.

Have you found any that you liked? The like, Oh, that looks nice. Like oh yeah, I believe they're

literally every planet we found so if I will kill you painfully. Mostly slowly, but definitely paying.

I mean, this one's doing that to all of us already.

Yeah, frankly, there's an argument about whether Earth is habitable

earlier in the show

I'm given up Kato factors

wow, I had five kids not a good idea. Wouldn't it be a bit like and this is something I've thought of, you know, you think about do you get really stoned ever and like get on the telescope. To see if I had access I would be fully rolling one up and getting on my telescope and thinking about I don't know if this is scientific right? Not Not yet. It didn't need to awesome and before I was stoned when this happened, right and I was standing in a shadow and I thought the shadow happened immediately after the object a doughnut, but is that the future

do I need to be stoned right now for that?

I think it will really help

you anyway, I was just wondering about whether the do you need to see intelligent life? Do you actually got like, Could you Could we actually not be able to perceive it? That's a very real stoner question but maybe maybe it's far more evolved maybe we are but dust I can tell I've taken acid as well.

So whether or not we would know life when we saw it is not a stoner question that is a legit and very important scientific question

we found out you hit for the Bureau during the aliens are looking at us and look what they're doing to the planet and they are killing themselves to a very intelligent, do you think they would rank us quite low?

You know, honestly, it's probably a phase all toddler civilizations go through the aliens, like are there at that point? Okay, we'll come back in like 5 billion years, and they've sorted when they've discovered renewable energy. It'll all be great. We'll all

be eating cake with three arms by then.

Man, it's so fascinating. What's like the most enjoyable part of your gig every day. Like what? What's the kind of thing that gives you a joy,

I get to find new planets around other stars. So when I first was thinking about astronomy, and what I wanted to do was write when they was discovering the first exoplanets. And I loved the planets of our solar system like that. You could go outside and see features like rings and moons and, and all sorts of exciting things. And it was like, wow, people are discovering those around. Other stars are just like, yes, it's like, there's this phrase, you might have heard that we're the generation that was born too late to explore Earth, but too soon to explore space. I get to find new planets. It's so exciting, like a whole new world that no one's ever seen before. And I'm like, Hey, welcome.

The most prolific woman in finding planets ever.

Yes, yes. It turns out we did the math a couple of weeks ago, and yeah, so I have found 66 Wow.

But like, that's also you're in the top 10 of Planet Hunters.

Oh, yeah. So I'm six in the top 10 I'm the only Australian I'm the only woman in the top 10.

Jesse comes from a little town near Ipswich. That's what we're talking about before and she's gone out and found planets. I guess you would if you were living sorry,

that's kind of makes sense. You're from Ipswich and you spent your career trying to find signs of life.

Oh, he's got let it be out there somewhere

in your car waiting to take you to the airport.

There's two types of people might as people who were born in Ipswich and people who wish they were Please give it up.

Please, Matt Lewis now doing man, big thanks to John Smith, John Salley, Moe and everyone who helped us absolutely fantastic. P…

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