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We're joined this week by fearmonger Jan Fran to discuss our brand new upcoming mini series 'Jan Fran has issues'. Each week, Jan and Dan will tackle a hot button election issue in the lead up to the 2022 election.
Keep your eye on the podcast feed for new episodes in the coming weeks.
In preparation for our live shows in Melbourne, at the end of this episode we throw it back to our 2019 show at the Brisbane Powerhouse for Climate Week. With fearmongers Bridie Connell, Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd, Steph Tisdell, Mel Buttle, Tom Ballard, Professor Hillary Bambrick and Lewis Hobba we cover:
- Freedom gas
- Internet Infrastructure
- The musical heat death of the universe
- Our favourite insects
- And much, much more
PLUGS:
- Listen to 'Jan Fran has issues' in the A Rational Fear podcast feed
🤑 CHIP IN TO OUR PATREON https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFear
Heading into the election your support is going to be more crucial than ever!
Thank you FEARMONGERS!
If you enjoyed this please drop us a review on Apple podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/a-rational-fear/id522303261
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Bertha Announcement 0:00
This podcast is supported in part by the birth of foundation.
Dan Ilic 0:04
Good evening, Lewis.
Lewis Hobba 0:05
Hello, Daniel, how are you holding up with your new illness?
Dan Ilic 0:09
I'm not one for jumping on trends early. You know? COVID-19 That was two years ago. It's 2022. And I thought it's about time I- you know, I just want to wait out and see how everybody else is taking it. I saw you had it and you, for me, the the culture, Spirit guide of my life. And I'm like if Lewis is doing it, I got to do.
Lewis Hobba 0:29
I'm a COVID influencer. Yeah, I've been taking a lot of sponsorship from COVID been doing a lot of posts about how everyone should get it. That's actually a thing I have been accused of quite a bit on the on the triple J text line
Dan Ilic 0:41
Like milking milking your COVID Exposure?
Lewis Hobba 0:44
No no no no no, like as, as the anytime we talk about COVID We'll just get a couple of like people being like, how much does the government pay you to pretend this is real? You're like? Well, I honestly not enough.
Dan Ilic 0:56
Not more than my usual poultry wage, which the government happens to pay me. Yeah, that's right.
Lewis Hobba 1:01
Uh but are you okay? Cuz I called it last week. And I was like, Dad, you sound sick. And you're like, I'm just tired. I was like, no, no, that's sickness.
Dan Ilic 1:07
Yeah. Well, you're right. Like, it took me about four or five, about four days to test positive. So now yeah, I've done I've definitely got like, I've got it now. So I'm out on Monday, free free man back on Monday back on the streets. Look out. Look out people who Sydney. It's been wild. You know, I don't want to talk about my COVID symptoms. Ever. Everyone's been through it. It's kind of boring now, isn't it? It's one of those things where everyone's done it.
Lewis Hobba 1:30
Yeah, you've it's like you've just bought a pair of crocs. It's like me, everyone was doing it last year. Kpop.
Dan Ilic 1:34
There was some in the early days when my friends got COVID. I'd send them nice packages, or send them a goodie bag, a bottle of wine. No one sent me anything.
Lewis Hobba 1:43
No, I sent you a message being like, sorry, but you're on your own hay.
Dan Ilic 1:50
This week. It's great. As a result, I haven't been able to have the energy to put together a full show. I've been watching a lot of Netflix. But we've got another a rational conversation for this week's show. Jan Fran is coming on the show. And she's going to give us a little bit of a preview about something special she's going to be delivering for us. I had irrational fear on this podcast feed a little later on the year. And I believe Louis, you have no idea what this what this project is all about.
Lewis Hobba 2:14
As always with irrational fear updates. I learned about it when you do. It's exciting, you know, keeps me on my toes. I get to yes. And well. Here's
Bertha Announcement 2:22
a great update. Our Melbourne Comedy Festival show has sold about 150 seats, which is great. Oh my god, the venue holds about 600. So
Lewis Hobba 2:31
I feel like we're on track
Dan Ilic 2:33
150 is just about what we played to last year in that small room. Yeah, like this is great. So you know, we've got about four weeks left, please get your tickets. Huge X. A joining us including the one and only Australian of the Year, Grace time. And the future Australian of the Year. Lewis Harbour.
Lewis Hobba 2:52
Yeah, we're holding out we're not quite sure. Maybe I'll get it when it's old Australian of the Year.
Dan Ilic 2:58
Citizen of the Year Lewis?
Lewis Hobba 3:00
Yeah. Just services to podcasting. He did. 1000
Dan Ilic 3:04
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And not to take anything away from those people who get AM's and AOM's for years of doing the same job over and over again. But if you have the same job for 50 years, you deserve a medal.
Lewis Hobba 3:15
Sure, yeah. I mean, no one will in our generation know, like, Who the hell is going to have a job for longer than even a decade? I just
Dan Ilic 3:22
Just want a shout out to our Patreon supporters. David Higginbotham Laureen Brody Felicity Biggs Shannon Peach. Chima. Also big thanks to Dana Bergstem, Julie Lawless from more comedy has chipped in. Thank you, Julie. It's very kind of you. Keegan and legend Peter Lawler has upped his amount to 100 bucks a month thank you Peter Lawler for supporting us I definitely need it. We're definitely gonna be spending that money on frivolous content in the in the coming months. So thank you so much for joining us on Patreon our Patreon members. I'm recording my end of irrational fear on Gadigal Land of the urination sovereignty was never seated when it treaty. Let's start the show.
Voice Over 4:00
A rational fear contains naughty words like bricks, Canberra, fed gum, and section 40 of a rational view recommended listening by immature audience.
Dan Ilic 4:13
Tonight the office of Prime Minister and Cabinet apologised for the design of their women's network logo that looked like a cock and balls. The logo will be replaced with a picture of Tony Abbott. And conversations about petrol prices are at an all time high. And Barnaby Joyce says those carrying coffins in Ukraine are not focused on climate change. Which begs the question, what are those carrying coffins in Lismore focused on? It's the 17th of March 2022. And there's only 65 sleeps until there's a hypothetical election. This is a rational fear.
Welcome to rational fear. I'm your host for I'm a video editor of Channel One Russia, Dan Ilic. And we have only got one fee manga for tonight. It's the the Walkley award winning smartass. Jan Fran Hello, Jan.
Jan Fran 5:10
Ah, hello, gentlemen, how you going?
Dan Ilic 5:13
It's great to have you.
Lewis Hobba 5:14
It's always one and a half guests with you.
Jan Fran 5:16
Well, it is one and a half guests. And I'm actually sitting at home in my underpants because I no longer have any actual pants that fit me. Because for those who don't know, I'm almost six months Prego.
Dan Ilic 5:32
Fantastic! When's your due date June or something?
Jan Fran 5:36
Yeah, I'm due in June. So two really big things happening in my life, the baby and of course, the federal election. Which one's bigger? Which one's more important? We'll never die.
Lewis Hobba 5:47
And the third my birthday.
Jan Fran 5:50
And that's the trifecta. There we go. Topped off. That's
Dan Ilic 5:52
the big big thing. Louis homeless 50th birthday coming up.
Jan Fran 5:57
He's on track for the senior Australian of the Year. Any any day now
Lewis Hobba 6:01
Any minute.
Dan Ilic 6:02
Jen, it's so great to have you on the show. Yeah, longtime fear monger done the show many, many times in the past. And we've kind of got something interesting. We want to flag with the audience. And because the people are going to be-
Lewis Hobba 6:15
And me
Dan Ilic 6:15
And Lewis. Yeah Lewis, the co host of a rational fear. Because people are going to be hearing a little bit more of you during the election than they normally would tell us about what we're going to be making.
Jan Fran 6:26
Yes. So this is an exciting project which like elections for me if I can just preface to like Christmas. You know how people sometimes they look forward to this thing they get together at someone's house, they eat some snacks. Emotions are high. Like imagine watching a football game ads. That's the emotion that elections kind of bring up in May. So what I'm doing is a special eight episode series for a rational fear called Jan Fran has issues.
Dan Ilic 6:52
Yes. We don't have a sting. I wish I had a sting to play. I don't have a stinger.
Jan Fran 6:56
Well, look, it's still early days. We've got a lot of things that we don't quite have ready for the podcast yet, which is giving me a little bit of hives, but we'll get there. And it's going to take a look at all of the issues leading up to the federal election, which as you know, will be happening. I'm guessing at some point in May.
Dan Ilic 7:15
Yeah, I counted back to from the 21st of May. It looks like yeah, 6065 days is kind of what we're heading into. So
Jan Fran 7:21
Yeah, that makes sense.
Dan Ilic 7:22
We've got we got an exciting two months for people like you and me, Jan, I'll get Louis to like, I think we are you an election Buffy? Is this your Super Bowl? Or do you actually care about this?
Lewis Hobba 7:34
I care much more about an actual grand final than the like I I think I feel like I remember you and I went to an event once on the on election night, Dan, if you remember we was we were at an Australian Podcast Awards night. And it was the same night as the federal ocean. Do you remember that?
Dan Ilic 7:51
And we went straight after we went straight after the Podcast Awards?
Lewis Hobba 7:55
No, no, it was during everyone during the podcast was like checking their updates. And you will just like I just need to get this election party. I was like I've got a gig to get to I really like I just I don't I don't want to be it's obviously I care about the the results and even the lead up like I enjoy it. But I kind of find the fascination with it a bit like, I don't know, I just feel like journalists can lose their minds a bit during the election.
Jan Fran 8:19
Yeah.
Lewis Hobba 8:20
And really, they can start reporting on the shit that they know is bullshit. Because it's happened before and it's just like a bit of fun and you like you're telling them to stay on the issues. You're not staying on the issues. No one's staying on the issues. It's all about who's lost weight. And it can make me really angry.
Dan Ilic 8:35
Well Jan, this is a big question. And we're gonna be looking at eight separate main issues, like each episode is gonna be centred around one issue around the lens.
Jan Fran 8:42
Yes.
Dan Ilic 8:43
So you kind of water people. What's your vibe for the big issues out there? I've asked our Patreon audience and I'll explain I'll show you what they've said. But what kind of big issues are you thinking at the moment?
Jan Fran 8:53
Yeah, well, I know Lou, you're saying that no one focuses on the issues. It's all about the personalities and what people are wearing. We will be focusing on the issues.
Dan Ilic 9:01
That's right.
Jan Fran 9:02
We're doing it!
Lewis Hobba 9:04
Are you answering my prayers?
Jan Fran 9:05
We're doing an entire show. It's it's gonna be no personality. It's gonna be no scandal. Am I selling it?
Dan Ilic 9:14
In fact, the only weight gain we're gonna be talking about is Jan's weight gain. We'll have a weight in at the start of every episode. Well have a vital signs
Lewis Hobba 9:24
None of of the men and the only woman let's do that.
Jan Fran 9:27
That's slightly separate issue to election stuff. But yeah, so each episode is going to be looking at basically a different issue and my vibe, and sometimes it can I mean, elections, were sort of like goldfish, right? Like, we tend to forget certain things. And sometimes I think, really only in the four weeks leading up to the election, can you get a clearer sense of what the issues are going to be for the people? However, let's do some speculation because I love speculating Oregon. Yeah. The key issues leading up to the election are going to be things like cost of living which include because you're hearing a lot about petrol prices rising, you're hearing a lot about inflation, you're hearing a lot about interest rates and what that actually means for the hip pocket. And for people that own homes, but also for people that just that your average person that might not own a home but owns a car and needs to get from A to Z and now has to pay 100 bucks in fuel. That's gonna be a big one. Climate change. I mean, climate change has been around for, I mean, actual climate change. It's been around for quite a while. But climate change has been=
Dan Ilic 10:29
I think you'll find Jan, the climates always been changing. And-
Lewis Hobba 10:35
How much are they paying you Jan?
Jan Fran 10:38
It was cold in the Ice Age, guys. But yeah, but I think this election, it's gonna be a really interesting one to watch, because we've got so many independents that are that are sort of loosely connected. And they're running on the very strong climate action agenda, right. So be interesting to see.
Lewis Hobba 10:56
You call them a ragtag bunch of me. That's exactly what I would call them.
Dan Ilic 11:02
The Rebel Alliance. Don't they?
Lewis Hobba 11:05
Everyone loves a ragtag bunch of misfits, and they always get the job done.
Jan Fran 11:08
They do! I mean, hey, I've seen movies, ragtag bunches of misfits, they win in the end. Yeah.
Dan Ilic 11:16
Here's, here's some of the care some of the things that the people on Patreon have been speaking about. And if you can say this, but there's a lot of transitions to zero missions, there's integrity. I love this line from pedal Allah. He said, integrity battle, probably something stupid, like fuel prices, or cloud power. Cost of Living. Mike, what you said, Jen, also from Kelly, fix and expand Medicare, which is a big issue for a lot of folks. There's some stuff I mean, there's some stuff that is that is kind of rising to the top particularly. I mean, I asked the irrational fear Twitterfeed a lot of it has a lot to do with climate. And that is understandable. We've cultivated an audience that is dedicated to thinking talking and dealing with the climate crisis. But this year, it does feel different. It feels like climate is perhaps a it's an issue that is affecting a lot of people all around the country. Right. It is an elections hitting, so it can be very, very strange for for the coalition coming up. Yeah.
Jan Fran 12:13
And the light- So one of the key differences around climate change between the last election and this election is that unfortunately, we've had two very terrible weather events, including bushfires, which happened over in 2020. And now we've got the floods, right? So climate change has gone from this thing that, you know, maybe terrible for our grandchildren in 50 years to actually, no, this is tangibly affecting me now. And it's affecting people that I know and love. And I can see them and hear from them and talk to them and see the images on the television. So I think that that's kind of brought people a lot more into the present around climate change. And that's one of the key differences from the last election. Well, Jen,
Dan Ilic 12:53
why should you and I be hosting this podcast? Like, why are we going to what do you think makes it like, you know, what, why, why even put it on a rational fear?
Jan Fran 13:03
Why you and me, Dan, well, what else are we doing?
Lewis Hobba 13:12
I mean, you guys aren't allowed to leave the house.
Jan Fran 13:16
You know, I mean, I look, I think, because we're just both massive political nerds, Dan, we're not cool people. Okay, we need to accept this about ourselves. And I think, you know, you're obviously someone that's very involved in politics and in democracy, and you're trying to get people engaged. And so am I. And I think, you know, just getting it out there to an audience that's, that's a bit tap Dean that wants to know a little bit more, that can then kind of share the information with other people as well. It's really important. So I think it was just the right fit.
Dan Ilic 13:48
Yeah. And now is the perfect time because we're coming into the election. There's only eight weeks to well, pretty much eight weeks ago, we're gonna go hard. And we've actually got a great production team involved as well. Louis, are you familiar with Caitlin? Sorry. Oh, Katie, Katie, sorry, superstar Podcast Producer is going to be onboard and helping us make this podcast so it's going to have all the rigour of a have a have a have a hack slash gimlet slash New York podcast. It's gonna be the best that's gonna be a premium podcast.
Lewis Hobba 14:23
Damn Wow. Well, so good to have something decent on the stick in it up here for 10 years. I mean, Julie is Amira has had you know, it's been great to have her on a little bit of credibility to this absolute garbage fire. And now it's a real information. Thrill a thrill for me. It's the first time I'll actually be able to listen to her.
Dan Ilic 14:44
Actually, I'll listen to that. For my worldview,
Lewis Hobba 14:50
I'm excited. I'm excited. You guys are gonna crush it. It's exactly what I want. It's exactly the kind of thing that I feel like I need cuz I'd read the news constantly for my job, but it's I read exactly. The things that I hate. So all of those things that I was complaining about, they are the things that I need to survive because of my job doing daily FM radio. Like that's, that's my, you know, they're my points that I
Dan Ilic 15:11
Maybe we should rename it called the Lewis Hall the brief.
Lewis Hobba 15:16
Yeah, it really is. And then I can just spend all day reading about weight loss and, and only fans mass scandals. And I can come here and and learn about reports and data. Finally,
Dan Ilic 15:34
yeah, it's like Axios, but in your ears.
Lewis Hobba 15:39
So do yo u know what your first issue is gonna be? Are we allowed to talk?
Dan Ilic 15:42
Well, it's gonna it's gonna be a meaty Lewis, it's gonna be a real, real meaty one.
Jan Fran 15:47
Look, what I will say is I reckon our first episode is probably going to stream the week that the budget is announced. So that's, that's what we know so far. So I imagine our first issue is going to be centred around that. Although the good thing about making a podcast on an interface like irrational fears, you can just do whatever the fuck you want. At any time, maybe it'll be about the budget, maybe it won't be about the budget, you know,
Dan Ilic 16:20
what we can tell you, there's going to be eight of them. They're going to be coming out weekly. And Jan, Fran, and I are going to be hosting it. And it's going to be really good and meaty. And I'm excited because Jan and Katie have worked together in the past. And I'm excited to hear what here what you know, I mean, let's face it, Jan's gonna be doing most of the work.
Jan Fran 16:40
Hang on what?
Dan Ilic 16:41
She is the journalist. So I'm really excited to kind of hear these issues, and be confronted with these issues as they come. And it's gonna be great. I'm excited for sir. Awesome, excited for the audience. And I hope you really enjoy it
Jan Fran 16:53
Me too. Me too. I look, I just think it's kind of one of those things where it's like, don't get me wrong, I love scandal, like I will read about the PMCS cock and balls logo for many hours. You know, I will and I want to get involved in that sort of stuff. But I also think as well, I think that the more informed you are about who's doing what, in politics, I think, the better chance you'll have of sort of just voting for the right person for you. And I know that sounds a little bit earnest, but sometimes, like I get to the ballot box, I'm like, I don't know. There's all these numbers. This like the Senate voting sheet, Jesus Christ, it's like a towel, you know. And sometimes I think it just kind of it just helps to put all of the kind of weird scandals and the personalities just to one side for just 20 minutes and just sit with an issue and actually think, okay, how the hell do I feel about this? And maybe a neutral and that's okay. But at least you know that, you know, yeah.
Dan Ilic 17:49
Some other issues folks have been tweeting in include ikat China submarines getting rid of Scotty from marketing wages. Someone said Jan, Jan is an issue. So maybe we will discuss Jan as an election issue, but I doubt it.
Jan Fran 18:03
I'm a massive issue. I'm going to create some issues. That's what I'm gonna do.
Lewis Hobba 18:07
Apart from what you think the biggest issues are gonna be out there and in the world. Jan, do you have a personal issue? Do you have something that you hope gets brought up?
Jan Fran 18:15
Yeah, you know what? And look, I think it's, I think it's the Prego thing, but I don't think I've cared more about childcare in my life. Right, like, childcare is, I mean,
Lewis Hobba 18:25
I hear it's expensive.
Jan Fran 18:26
I hear it's very expensive, and I hear that you have to enrol a foetus into childcare. How about that?
Dan Ilic 18:35
Wow. Against that foetuses consent
Jan Fran 18:38
against the foetuses consent against you're against any kind of moral objection that you might have used for that you just have to do it. I had a mate who was like, Oh no, you should enrol the baby in childcare now and I'm like, but the baby is a cell like the baby does not currently exist outside of my body. I don't know if I should do that. She was adamant so I did.
Dan Ilic 18:59
Wow, you did? You booked the foetus in?
Jan Fran 19:02
Yeah, and I was like foetus Morrow. Cuz I asked you for a name. I'm like, Girl, it's a foetus so yeah Foetus Morrow, he's enrolled at the neighbourhood Early Learning Centre,
Dan Ilic 19:21
you know in in a year's time just make sure you change that on the roll because roll call will be really odd. Like, Julie Smith, Foetus Morrow. Is Foetus Morrow here. But hey. It's 2022. So you might love you know, you might go learn to love that name. Hang on to it forever.
Jan Fran 19:40
Yeah. But childcare is one is one of those issues that doesn't it doesn't really get talked about as much as what I think it should because it just effects so many families. And you don't really know or care too much about it until you either have kids or know someone who has kids who's just trying to balance like working and then putting all the money that they're working to Get into childcare. It's a weird it's a weird little system.
Dan Ilic 20:04
Well Jan thank you so much for coming on to tell us about Jan Fran has issues I'm excited about it I can't wait to get to break ground and start working on it. Lewis I'm sure you're excited listen to it.
Lewis Hobba 20:15
I'm thrilled I genuinely am and only because this is my only have a chance to do a rational fear admin. Are we still doing a rational feared OG?
Dan Ilic 20:23
Yeah, we're gonna still do it. We're gonna do we might even we might even triple it up. We might even do three times a week now. Two or three times a week. No, we're still going to aim to do once a week COVID and hills pending. So yeah. But if you're listening to this right now, hang in there because at the end of this podcast, we're going to play one of our favourite live shows from 2019 from Brisbane when we took our show to the Brisbane powerhouse and performed for climate week. At the at the Brisbane powerhouse was a sold out show. Just to kind of get you ready for our Melbourne sold out show which I anticipate being sold out. We still need to sell another 500 600 seats in three weeks, but I'm sure we can do that.
Lewis Hobba 21:05
I'm calling all my cousins. I'm getting everybody
Dan Ilic 21:08
Gen friend. Thanks so much for joining us on irrational
Jan Fran 21:10
fear. Oh, pleasure, Jen. See you soon. Yeah,
Dan Ilic 21:13
Jan Fran, we have issues is going to be hitting the a rational fear podcast feed in the next couple of weeks. Big thank you to rode mics, the birth of foundation, and all of our Patreon supporters as well as Jacob round. Lewis, do you want to plug anything?
Lewis Hobba 21:26
Ah, no, no, I'm all good. All right. Well, thank you, though. Excited to tune into Jan. Jan. Fran has issues or Jan Fran we have issues, Jennifer and has issues. drug issues. And yes, I'm sure that Dan also has some issues. Yeah. Yeah. Dan, Fran, how are we good? Yeah, that's
Dan Ilic 21:48
so annoying.
Jan Fran 21:50
Dan Fran. Issues. That's genius.
Dan Ilic 21:53
Well, Jen, when I go get coffee at a takeaway coffee shop, people will say, Jan, when I give my name, like, no it's Dan. Jan. No how hard is it. Does it anyway, doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And
Lewis Hobba 22:08
for more info on that guy. In reverse misheard coffee orders.
Dan Ilic 22:14
Yeah, Google, it's got 17 million views. So you've probably already seen
Lewis Hobba 22:17
It's always you. It's always the work you're least proud of the gets the most recognition.
Dan Ilic 22:21
Yeah. Hey, we're actually thinking about getting a puppy Lewis.
Oh, wait, are you going to call it Lewis?
No we're gonna call it Steve with a dollar sign
Lewis Hobba 22:32
No way! A reference to the infamous coffee sketch!
Dan Ilic 22:35
A reference to that sketch we were just talking about Alright, that's it for a rational fear for this, but hang in there and listen to our climate week live show. It is an absolute baller. Steph Tisdale, Tom Ballard. Lewis Hobba absolutely killed it on stage that night.
Lewis Hobba 22:52
Also Wyatt and Bridie.
Dan Ilic 22:53
They brighten that show too. O
Lewis Hobba 22:55
Oh, and this is they did a great improvised song
Dan Ilic 22:58
A great, really hilarious improvised song. And also, don't you- this isn't in the recording. But we got told about five minutes before we went on stage that we couldn't say the word Adani.
Lewis Hobba 23:14
Oh that's right!
Dan Ilic 23:16
This is a show a comedy show about climate change in Queensland. And we weren't allowed to say the word Adani.
Lewis Hobba 23:23
it was just after the election. It was literally all anyone was talking about, like Queensland swung the election on Adani. I'm now like, Oh, gee, I just hope no one's got any jokes about that. Like what are you talking about?
Jan Fran 23:33
Did you have to replace it with something.
Dan Ilic 23:35
Well, we did we everybody replaced him something sounded like Adani. And I went out on stage before, after the work in the country. And I said, Hey, everyone, I just got told five minutes ago that we can't say a certain word and like 400 people yelled back Adani. So I said if you know what word that we can't say. Adaini! Then you know, just hanging there, but you know, we're gonna do our best to replace that word "Adani" with something. So throughout the show, quite a few people had Adani references and people were replacing it. So that is that is a tribute for the shows. So enjoy that. It's one of my favourite episodes. And we'll see you in Melbourne on April 10. At the forum.
A serious note before we start the show, irrational fear was built as a vehicle to make fun of the media's propensity to make us scared of every little thing. Ironically, we build it as The show that tells you what you should be scared of. And if this week has anything to go by, what you shouldn't be scared of is being a journalist that is critical of the Australian Government. Which is why I'd like to say at the top of this podcast, that the federal government's climate change policy is one of the best in the world. If not the best, probably even the bitterest dust in the world. And if you're from the AFP and you're listening to this podcast, you do a stand up job We understand that sometimes that you have to do what the minister from Home Affairs tells you what to do, you know, you have to enforce laws. They're only three months old, who cares? Good on you, you give it a go. So dear AFP investigators who are downloading and listening to this right now, you may as well stop listening the podcast right now, because there's nothing in the next 80 minutes that will be critical of the Australian Government. In fact, here's some music to help you transition your podcast app to the off position
Okay, I think now that they're gone, I think it's safe to say the Climate Solutions package is absolutely fucked and we're all gonna die.
Voice Over 25:45
A rational fear contains naughty words like Brex*it, Canberra B*bble, Fair D*inkum, and section 4*. A nrational fear recommended listening by emo to your audience.
Dan Ilic 25:58
Tonight, climate change deniers admit they're only in it for a spot of fun and the money and we investigate how many keep cups you need to keep before the climate crisis is over. And after the AFP raided homes and offices of journalists reporting on government overreach, the media gets to ask only one question and that is Scomo's most favourite question. How good is Australia? This is a rational fear.
Excellent, hi. My name is Dan Ilic. And this is a rational fear live from the Brisbane power house at the inaugural Queensland climate week. Yes enjoy it I hope you learn lots of things because the climate crisis continues it could be the last ever climate week is great as I like to say here in the North summaries coming so let's meet our fear mongers for tonight. Our first fear monger is here to convince you that and I quote It's All Over You should give up there's no point in going on I'm sorry that's what the ABC head of entertainment said when she cancelled tonightly with a host Tom Ballard!
Tom Ballard 27:14
Hi everybody
Dan Ilic 27:17
Tom Why do you want to stop the show off in such a pessimistic way?
Tom Ballard 27:21
Because we're all doomed Dan it's great to be here everybody
Bertha Announcement 27:27
our next fearmonger is the Head of School of Public Health and Social Work at QUT and is here to tell us why climate change is actually good for your health. Oh sorry. Bye Good actually mean bad. It's Professor Hillary Bambrick. Hillary, what exercise would you recommend for the apocalypse?
Hillary Bambrick 27:46
Well, it's gonna be way too much to run so you're gonna have to crawl to the nearest emergency exits which located here, here and here.
Dan Ilic 27:53
excellent
Hillary Bambrick 27:53
And deploy the escape slides.
Bertha Announcement 27:55
And now thanks to climate change, insects are on their way out but our next fear monger plans to fight for their six legged lives it Steph Tisdell.
Steph Tisdell 28:05
G'day
Dan Ilic 28:05
Steph. Tell us out why should we care about whether or not insects make it in the apocalypse?
Steph Tisdell 28:11
Because there was there's that face it was trending on Facebook. You know that spider? We've seen that little it's got a little kid's voice and it was trending. I fell in love with that little creature. That's the only reason why I didn't
Tom Ballard 28:25
I didn't know we had to do intense research for tonight.
Bertha Announcement 28:29
But there are some species we'd love to see the back of in fact, we hope go extinct. none more so than the endangered foodie of Instagram something Mel Buttle knows too much about. Mel Buttle.
Mel Buttle 28:39
Hello! Hi.
Dan Ilic 28:40
Mel How will foodies have to adapt to the climate crisis?
Mel Buttle 28:44
It's gonna be very hard to Instagram in the bunker isn't it Dan.
Bertha Announcement 28:50
And our final fearmonger is a member of the ABC elite. He has a face that says he has all the answers but what does his mouth say? His triple Js Lewis Hobba.
Lewis Hobba 28:59
Hello! Well, my mouth says that I'm quite offended that while the AFP were writing the ABC they did not come to Triple J. What, we don't have any secrets.
Dan Ilic 29:12
What have you got? What is Triple J got?
Lewis Hobba 29:14
I got no
Dan Ilic 29:19
you got that hottest 100 planned out for the next 3 years
Lewis Hobba 29:22
I know in the next flume single is probably gonna. They don't tell us. They tell us they don't tell us anything.
Bertha Announcement 29:28
This is a rational fear already exceeding maximum emissions. That was a that was our one and only pyrotechnic. Because that's all our climate credit could afford. This is like the new reality for New Year's Eve. It's just gonna be people hanging around the Brisbane foreshore waiting for an ibis to explode.
Steph Tisdell 29:56
In it luckily there's lots of plastic in the tummy. So From a distance might look like
Tom Ballard 30:03
Happy climate week everybody!
Dan Ilic 30:06
now, there is cut. There's a couple other people we haven't introduced yet. We're gonna introduce them right now. I don't know how we got them. They are some of the best musicians, comedy musicians in Australia. They performed on ABC tonightly rip. In fact, most of us performed with ABC tonightly. I was the boss for a little bit. It was very good. You should have watched. Infact, Bridie and Wyatt these guys next folks I'm about to bring out they won an ARIA for Best Comedy release last year. Thanks to their work on tonight. It was the only award that's nightly one. So are you ready? Bridey and wyatt Come on. Where are you guys?
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 30:49
This is amazing.
Bridie Connell 30:51
I love that Dan said best musicians in comedy musicians.
Dan Ilic 30:56
It's an important caveat.
Bridie Connell 30:58
This is a very important. It's o lovely to be here. That was a really lovely intro. I'm actually super embarrassed that you brought up the ARIA. We don't like to mention it.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 31:08
We were trying to bring it up but they confiscated it at the airport.
Bridie Connell 31:12
Like Wait, we don't really talk about the aria that we won quite recently. Very much. We're pretty humble folk. But um,
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 31:20
Our lives have changed since we won it though. Like before we want it. We were employed.
Bridie Connell 31:24
Yes. We have won an Area. We are not
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 31:30
Yeah. Oh boy though. It's great.
Bridie Connell 31:33
I got to smelt it and sell it. Yeah. I was gonna eat you know. Life has to look 10 You've said it now. You've mentioned the ARIA.
Dan Ilic 31:43
Aria award winners Bridie and Wyatt.
Bridie Connell 31:46
Yes, I guess we'll sing the song that won us an Aria.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 31:48
I know it's climate week. But this is I've put this on. It's not about climate change, though. But it is about an issue that keeps coming up in the nws.
Bridie Connell 31:54
And yeah, it just comes up time and time again. So we'll sing that song.
Hey girl. You know that moment
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 32:01
Yeah you do
Bridie Connell 32:03
when your heart skips a beat, and you feel weak at the knees
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 32:06
Oh. So nervous
Bridie Connell 32:08
Well, it could happen at any time. It could happen in any place and ladies it could happen to anyone. Well, it could be the guy from Cafe the one the look in his eye
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 32:23
I got my eye on you
Bridie Connell 32:24
It could be the man from the bus stop who smiles every time you walk by
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 32:28
Catch a ride with me to ride with me
Bridie Connell 32:29
It could be the boss from your office. He always says you're the best
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 32:33
You're the best
Bridie Connell 32:34
Well it could be literally anyone. Anyone can be a sex pest. Sex Pest. Sex Pest. Don't have to be famous and be well dressed to be a sex pest. Well, it could be the guy from your sports team. Or it could be the guy at the bank. Well it could be like guy at the hotdog stand or it could be that guy friend. It could be the guy that you that one time. It could be Keira Knightley
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 33:03
That's right
Bridie Connell 33:04
That's right. It could be a woman. It's just very unlikely
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 33:09
It's not the guy in the fancy bar
Bridie Connell 33:11
It's not just that big Hollywood star
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 33:14
It's not just the guy in the park in the door
Bridie Connell 33:16
No that's just Mark. He likes dark parks. And let me break it down. It should be as easy as 123 to demonstrate basic decency so listen those people and learn from me boys don't hang out if you got your wang out. Please don't rock our if you've got your cock out. We won't get along if you whip out your schlong. Unless of course it is consensual
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 33:40
Yeah consensual. Consensual schlong. Consensual schlong
Bridie Connell 33:51
All right. It's kind of fun to say so let's give it a go. Repeat after me. Here we go. Oh, a consensual schlong.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 33:57
a consensual schlong.
Bridie Connell 33:58
A consensual schlong song.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 33:59
A consensual schlong song.
Bridie Connell 34:19
The statistics show everyday people out there do it. So be careful out there but more importantly. Boys, don't be a sex pest
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 34:37
Thank you.
Bridie Connell 34:38
Thank you very much. Are you okay?
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 34:41
Yeah, we did well, it's kind of like you've got a good message through
Bridie Connell 34:45
Yeah that's right. Anyone could be a sex pest
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 34:49
Dream and you can achieve
Bridie Connell 34:52
Not aspirationally like a warning like anyone. Not like. Anyone can be. Oh God,
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 34:57
but from the song Got us an award for the song that got us in a lot of trouble
Bridie Connell 35:02
Yes we nearly got fired for this song, which is weird because this next song was actually one of the more wholesome songs that Wyatt and I have written. And we wrote a song last August when Scott Morrison became the Prime Minister because we thought we should do like a little fun introduce our new prime minister of the country song. And we actually
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 35:20
He's a fun guys. Exactly. He's a Daggy dad
Bridie Connell 35:23
He is a daddy dad. He loves football. He so daggy, like when he was Minister of Immigration, the Human Rights Commission, like the Commissioner for Human Rights was like, Oh, we condemn you such a daggy dad real cute. When the United Nations condemns you're, like a such a rebel. That was in 2014 Fun times. So we wrote a song about all that fun stuff, so we could get to know Scotty a bit better. And we wrote it in the style of Christian pop rock in the style of Christian pop rock. Because if you didn't know, Scott Morrison is really into Jesus. That's great. He's super into his evangelical faith and we're like yeah, let's get on board.
Jesus made the animals like kangaroos and he also said to look the kids up on the roof
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 36:10
I am Jesus' son
Bridie Connell 36:11
and I'm Jesus daughter and there's nothing more Christian closing the border. We love Jesus. Jesus but not refugees if you want to win then you gotta stop boats to do a pleases Jesus deny them all visas and you can't get more Christian then that
Suffer my little children who come on to me the government takes the doctrine literally. Scomo is under the spell of Jesus charm. And kids under safety watch for self harm
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 36:42
We love Jesus. Jesus. But not refugees
Bridie Connell 36:46
If Jesus was a refugee we'd say fuck off we're full. To do a pleases. Jesus, deny them all Visas. No you can't get more Christian than fishes and loaves. And shipping people off to Manus in droves. No you can get more Christian then not showing contrition when you are found wanting by the Human Rights Commission. If you love Jesus, Scott Morrison, clap your hands. Don't cross our boarders, even if you walk on water. Yeah you gotta love your neighbour. But not if they vote Labor. Or if they're foreign or gay. And you can't get more Christian then that.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 37:41
Once we did that song everyone loved it in the Murdoch press didn't they.
Bridie Connell 37:48
Thank you,
Dan Ilic 37:49
I love it. You guys have really covered all the topics, refugees, the metoo movement. So this is climate week so take it away with your climate song
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 38:04
So sorry Dan.
Bridie Connell 38:07
We were just told to do one second
Bertha Announcement 38:12
doing climate, this is climate week so you should do a climate song
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 38:14
Hang on a sec. Band meeting
Bridie Connell 38:17
you're speaking into the microphones actually
Bertha Announcement 38:21
all right. Okay, we these guys these guys actually yeah, we're actually gonna these guys are just gonna make up a climate song for us here tonight. So this is great. So do you guys want to take some suggestions?
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 38:31
We'd love that and then we'd like to take an hour Yeah. Then would like to come back
Dan Ilic 38:36
Any anywhere you can pick any word you want from B to Z. Any word. You can use numerals, symbols.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 38:49
Carmichael. Wow. Guys, what's
Bridie Connell 38:57
Reef?
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 38:58
Reef. What's something that you actually honestly really scared about? Banani
Bridie Connell 39:03
My favourite fruit.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 39:07
Yeah, good good.
Bridie Connell 39:09
A delicious cuisine
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 39:12
but like obviously waters rising what else what some things were worried about
Bertha Announcement 39:18
Heat death of the universe.
Bridie Connell 39:23
Major key for this lungs can be cheery
Dan Ilic 39:27
Climate refugees, that's good.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 39:30
very cheery topic when- so many laughs to be had
Bridie Connell 39:34
we aren't- coal.
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 39:36
Oh, that's fine coal.
Bridie Connell 39:37
I love it it rhymes with so many things. Thank you.
Lewis Hobba 39:40
It's so great to watch the creative process
Bridie Connell 39:51
Wait can you put in Bieber fever as well?
Bertha Announcement 39:57
I think I think he was really in the dengies
Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd 40:02
your grandkids What's your name? Your specific grandkids guide,
Bridie Connell 40:07
Make it personal that won't go bad at all. Perfect. Okay.
We'll be back into an hour with the most happy song you've every heard all right all right.
Dan Ilic 40:28
All right, folks.
Lewis Hobba 40:28
Let's get Brisbane hasn't had two REO winners in the same room. Since one of the Veronica's broke up with Ruby rising, came home
Dan Ilic 40:38
bought an honour.
Bertha Announcement 40:41
Huge. Alright, let's get into some basic fears. Now, when we're talking about climate change language is really important. It comes it's really important to help communicate about extremely complex thing things like climate change, teenage activist icon Greta Thunberg. Yeah. Now, last week, I think it was or maybe a couple of weeks ago, she implored us all to stop using the phrase climate change and really encouraged us…