On the podcast this week we do a shallow dive on the Nuclear Submarine deal, and give it one ping only.
We release a never before seen internal corporate video from The Liberal Party that shows us how they've fixed their woman problem.
Refuse to go to the Met Gala with Nicki Minaj
Heath Franklin takes us on a tour of all the Picnics he's been to this week.
Greta Lee Jackson
+ An interview with the South African Juice Media "Political Aweh!"
Bertha Announcement 0:00
This podcast is supported in part by the birth of foundation.
Dan Ilic 0:04
Good evening, Lewis.
Lewis Hobba 0:05
Hello, Daniel. How are you?
Dan Ilic 0:07
I'm really good. I'm really good. Because earlier this week, I had a bit of a viral hit.
Lewis Hobba 0:13
I know I saw it on it on every available platform, and I watched it on all of them.
Dan Ilic 0:18
Did you just say just to make sure it did translated across platform? Yes.
Lewis Hobba 0:23
Is it shit on Twitter now? still great.
Dan Ilic 0:25
It's pretty, it's pretty shit on Tick Tock. It has to split up across a couple of clips on Tick Tock. If you didn't see it on Monday, I did my own 11am press conference for COVID and it went viral. Yeah. Now I've done because so many people have seen it. I 250,000 people have seen it. Does this mean I now have to do this every week, Louis.
Lewis Hobba 0:46
Yeah, I'm afraid so. You have to do it until you get investigated by CAC and then you have to come up with a reason not to.
Dan Ilic 0:54
I would love for this podcast to somehow make it into like I CAC or set an estimate senate estimates is the one you want.
Lewis Hobba 1:00
Yeah, there's everyone's been for federal I CAC I want a podcast I CAC I want to drag the whole layout to start with Rogan and work my way down.
Dan Ilic 1:09
I am wanting to do it again next Monday and the Monday after so but I want to sponsor because so many people have watched it. The next one's gonna be just as good. Like if if you're a sponsor out there with deep pockets and you want to pay to be in my libertarian press conference. drop me a line. Get in my DMS.
Lewis Hobba 1:25
Yeah, Dan, the new Tick Tock guy. I cannot wait to see you at the next anti Vax conference.
Dan Ilic 1:30
It's gonna be huge. Yes, the TIC Tock guy, of course, you know, he's got COVID right. him and his father have both got COVID Yeah,
Lewis Hobba 1:39
it is. I mean, it's one of those like, predictable but sad situations.
Dan Ilic 1:43
Yeah, if it wasn't so serious, I'd make a whole bunch of jokes about it, but I'm not gonna I hope they are COVID free soon and he can get back to doing what he loves doing best predicting the numbers of COVID I'm recording my end of irrational feet on gadigal land in the eora nation sovereignty was never seated, we need a treaty. Let's start the show.
Unknown Speaker 2:04
A rational fear contains naughty words like bricks cambro COMM And section 14 our rational view recommended listening by immature audience.
Dan Ilic 2:18
Tonight in a landmark deal with the US and UK Australia is set to get nuclear submarines the prime minister said we're at the front of the queue and we should have the summaries by Christmas. And Phil geishas is finally released his findings from the Brittany Higgins sexual assault cover up investigation at the top recommendation is some nuclear submarines. And Scott Morrison has committed Australia to net zero French submarines by 2050. It's the 17th of September and be careful what you shoot at most things in here. Don't react well to bullets. This is a rational fear. irrational fear.
Welcome to rational fear. I'm your host former French Navy contractor Daniel itch and this is the podcast that gives you some floaties as the ship is sinking all around you and tonight we have got some great fear mongers to jump in the water with us. He is famous for impersonating one of Australia's most well known criminals so it's little wonder he is massive in New Zealand. It's the legally funny hate Franklin, get a get a Hey thumb. Have you been missing travelling between New Zealand and Australia to do lots of gigs there?
Heath Franklin 3:29
I actually missed the first three weeks of Sydney lockdown because I was doing a five week tour of New Zealand. So yeah, coming back here and go from sellout shows to homeschooling.
Dan Ilic 3:41
As brutal for the Aygo and she's Australia's favourite purveyor of bodily substance based humour on Twitter. But these days she's so busy writing multiple TV shows at once is Nina Yama. Hello, Nina. I mean, you are so busy writing jokes for proper TV shows. Will you ever go back to come jokes on Twitter? Oh,
Nina Oyama 4:00
well, you don't know what kind of TV shows I'm writing. Dan. Do you know the other day on the TV show that I'm working on which is for Disney. They said there were too many comm jokes. And that wasn't even my episode. Okay, that was someone else's. And we had to do a composite where we took out all the comm references.
Lewis Hobba 4:21
I didn't even know the Mandalorian could come.
Nina Oyama 4:25
Yeah, baby Yoda um, he was making snow angels out of the calm it was that we got in a lot of couples so they vetted that, again, not my episodes, so I'm actually not even the most disgusting person in the writers room, which is weird and rare, to be honest.
Dan Ilic 4:39
I mean, you can imagine Disney would love a bit of come in some of their shows like frozen would be great because he could, you know, make make a serious comment about IVF then that's a great thing to go today, right there.
Lewis Hobba 4:49
And just before you're coming, let it go.
Dan Ilic 4:55
And he's the man that people call the Jaime splake of public broadcasting just as funny. Just as smart does the same job but a fraction of the price it's
Lewis Hobba 5:03
it's actually I wish that would show you but you know what I actually get you know how everyone in like in showbiz, no matter where you are, you always have like you're someone who is a friend but who is a professional enemy. And you're always you always find out that the job he just missed. They got it for me at the moment. I've been getting a lot of jobs that Andy Lee has rejected because it's not enough money. Let me tell you the things here Jax are the most profitable things I've done in my life.
Dan Ilic 5:31
I'm looking forward to the new show on CHANNEL SEVEN, the 50
Lewis Hobba 5:35
it's only ABC can afford.
Dan Ilic 5:39
Wow, excellent. Hey, coming up, we speak to the person behind the South African equivalent of juice media. And we'll ask him what is Afrikaans for shit fuckery. But first, we have a sponsor segment and we have a special guest with us for the first time to talk us through our sponsor segment. Please welcome to irrational fear credibly Jackson. Welcome, Greg. Hey,
Greta Lee-Jackson 6:00
hi. Hi, Dan. Hi. Hi, everybody. How are you going?
Dan Ilic 6:04
This is very unusual. I feel like this is turned into like a studio 10 segment where we kind of
Nina Oyama 6:12
record now which ones
Dan Ilic 6:19
as well as being one of Australia's funniest comedy performers. You are a corporate video director. And this month, you had to do a job that you never thought you really had to do. What was it? That's right,
Greta Lee-Jackson 6:28
that's right, you know, in comedy can not really be sustainable sometimes. So you got to dabble in a bit of directing. And a lot of the things are directed corporate videos. So you know, sometimes when a paycheck is involved, you have to work for the enemy dead, you know, if, especially if they're looking for advertising expertise, you know, it's like you like one day you might tweet about how mining is destroying the planet one minute but then you know, Rio Tinto comes along and offers you some coin you're not gonna say no to push their agenda via video.
Dan Ilic 6:56
But I was just gonna say bhp going Oh, climate, climate sensitive. They want to sponsor this show. We'd be we talked to them.
Nina Oyama 7:02
They actually maybe I should do the thing that Christian porters during the day, which is just not sponsored, but not talk about it, you know, just say,
Greta Lee-Jackson 7:11
Fine, you have no idea where it's coming from fair enough. No.
Dan Ilic 7:15
And great. That actually, that actually ties into your corporate video.
Greta Lee-Jackson 7:18
Yeah, I just want to share a corporate video I shot earlier in the year. It was a very big deal for the government at the time, but we haven't been able well. I say we they haven't been able to release it for a while because it needed some like legal edits. Like oh, like like, I guess disclaimers needed to be edited in according to legal advice. So it was all aboveboard and now they finally the libs are finally able to release it. And it's pretty exciting stuff now that now that it's all aboveboard, I'm really excited to show you this thing because it's kind of wild with all the disclaimers that were edited in. Yeah, I guess the libs just want to reclaim the female vote that let's just put it that way. Because that's
Nina Oyama 7:56
not the only thing they want to reclaim that female. I don't even know what that means. That sounds really nothing anyway.
Unknown Speaker 8:05
In March of 2020, the women of Australia made it clear that they wanted things to change, fed up with the lack of government action when it comes to gendered violence. Many marched to Parliament House to demand the Morison government listen to what they had to say. Well, the good news is we did here's some of the many changes the Morison government made that will benefit all Australian women. When former liberal staffer Brittany Higgins went public about an alleged rape in a ministerial office in 2019. The Prime Minister listens to Brittany
Dan Ilic 8:34
after his wife clarified it to him using his daughters as a theoretical example,
Unknown Speaker 8:38
and immediately ordered an inquiry into which members of his office knew about the alleged incident to the right people can be held accountable.
Dan Ilic 8:46
This report was June June 2021. It has now been suspended before it could be completed due to legal advice.
Unknown Speaker 8:52
When a historical rape allegation against Christian Porter was made public. He was immediately stood down from his position of Attorney General and leader of the house.
Dan Ilic 9:01
Christian Porter has been reinstated as acting leader of the house. And in
Unknown Speaker 9:05
2018, the Morison government commissioned the respected work report, which made 55 recommendations towards how to improve women's safety at work.
Dan Ilic 9:14
The Morison government voted against 49 of the 55 proposed recommendations including changing workplace laws to ban sexual harassment and for employees to have a duty of care to take meaningful action to prevent sexual harassment from happening.
Unknown Speaker 9:25
We've caught a gone not gone, the Prime Minister created a new women's task force to tackle these problems. Head on the Morison government looks forward to making the behaviour of blokes like Barnaby Joyce, who resigned from his position as Deputy Prime Minister due to sexual harassment allegations. a thing of the past.
Dan Ilic 9:43
Barnaby Joyce is once again the deputy prime minister. He's also been appointed to the women's task force
Unknown Speaker 9:49
because the Morison government looks forward to the future. That's why we're holding the women's summit in September of 2021 with a prime minister will definitely be listening to what them Many speakers will have to
Dan Ilic 10:01
say Scott Morrison appointed himself as the main speaker the women's summit, Brittney Higgins was invited last minute by third party.
Unknown Speaker 10:08
Ladies you asked for change and you
Unknown Speaker 10:12
got it not technically true. The Liberal Party put your blind trust in us supported by Diana
Dan Ilic 10:17
royal am for rational for your camera. That was very good grettir well
Heath Franklin 10:22
done some fantastic voicework to
Dan Ilic 10:26
that pace was actually supported by Dinah Ryle. And she is a fan of irrational fear. And this is the first comedy sketch we've dubbed the irrational fear as part of our joke keeper package. So if you are a person who loves irrational fear, loves the sketches we make you want to see a sketch made that you know, you can't quite articulate how angry you are. Maybe we can do it for you. We've got a team of people to do it. Jump in my DMS throughout the week, and we'll see if we can get you a sketch mode as well. So big thanks to gretta. And big thanks to Diana Ross. That was great. grettir irrational fear
Greta Lee-Jackson 10:59
is horrible. But we also need to put things into perspective. There are 8 million citizens who don't have a choice in how they spend their free time. That is no way to live.
Dan Ilic 11:08
Your fear is rational. Alright, this week's first fear now It was announced this week that Australia is getting nuclear submarines a trilateral agreement between America, the UK and Australia. It's called orcas, which Boris Johnson has actually said it's quite an awkward name and I agree it should have been called or sac which is a more appropriate name for a dildo shaped boat filled with seven. Scott Morrison declares that orcas pact is a forever partnership so that nuclear submarines are basically the grownup version of BFF bracelets. The French government expressed complete disappointment. They felt like they were deceived by Australia after Scott Morrison acts the $90 billion submarine contract. Australia cheated us a French official said what are we your spouse
Heath Franklin 11:55
and then he hits someone nearby with a baguette until they've arrived fell off.
Nina Oyama 12:00
Then you have to do the accent for the rest of the podcast.
Dan Ilic 12:04
Jean is a big announcement historically a prenup now that now during these hours,
Nina Oyama 12:08
there was 16 people on the live stream and now there's 50
Dan Ilic 12:13
there's actually 18 it's going
Lewis Hobba 12:20
Dan Ilic 12:22
that during these big announcements historically, like presidents have like a habit of bestowing grandiose nicknames upon the leaders. They're meeting like Do you guys remember when george bush met with john Howard and called him the America's deputy sheriff in Asia? Well, Joe Biden also had a nickname for Scott Morrison. This was it.
Unknown Speaker 12:43
Thank you over to you, Mr. President. Thank you Boris and I want to thank that fella Down Under. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Mr. Prime Minister. I am honoured today to be joined by to America's closest allies Australia United Kingdom
Dan Ilic 13:09
forgetting Scott Morrison his name now should Australia be offended by this. What do you what do you think fear mongers?
Heath Franklin 13:16
Let's face it Australia went through a period where we read through Prime Minister's pretty quickly you know what I mean? It was like characters or Game of Thrones. It's like I'll learn their names if they're still around in a few episodes time, you know what I mean? So he's like, just placeholder that's what they do with Australian Prime Minister snatches insert name here has been a great friend of our country for blah blah blah.
Dan Ilic 13:37
I particularly enjoyed the good on your power. I like the power of the editor. There was a most
Heath Franklin 13:43
here tussle Scotty Yeah, I'm certainly gonna get all the submarines together to meet up and just touch in with each of them. Somewhere in an ocean somewhere just and then I
Nina Oyama 14:01
think you think Joe Biden would know Scott Morrison's name because he goes to America quite a lot. He goes to Hawaii whenever anything goes wrong.
Lewis Hobba 14:11
It did really seem like he just like Scott Morrison just showing him he's really good finger painting of a submarine. It's like,
Heath Franklin 14:19
yeah, little fella foot down and we're gonna put that on the fridge with the rest of your homework.
Dan Ilic 14:28
I mean, when you think about a nuclear submarine Nina is the easiest and safest way to get to Hawaii undetected. So this is this is perfect for Scott Morrison.
Heath Franklin 14:35
Can you imagine how excited he is to have his photo taken on the submarine? all afternoon, Genie Genie Genie I'm gonna get on the submarine. I'm gonna go through the door and the top and I'm gonna get the captain's hat and I'll be the periscope. Summary summary. Just calm down might have a little snooze. Summary In summary, yay.
Dan Ilic 15:00
This way second fear Nicki Minaj wasn't at the Met Gala because they were only allowed vaccinated people to attend and so she was absolutely furious that she was discriminated against now the vaccine sceptic tweeted to 22 million of her followers. My cousin in Trinidad won't get a vaccine because his friend became impotent and his testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married. Now the girl called off the wedding. So just praying to make sure you're comfortable with your decision. Now, I should point out that none of us here on the podcast are doctors but Nina Yama. What do you think is going on here?
Nina Oyama 15:34
I just love Nicki Minaj. And I love the way she's just a troll. Like she just knows how to stir up controversy. I don't know if you know this. But after she tweeted that, Boris Johnson went on, like into a press conference and basically said he'd never heard of Nicki Minaj. But he'd heard of this other doctor called Nikki I can't remember their last name. And then Nicki Minaj then responded to that with a voice message, imitating a British accent saying that she went to Oxford and is friends with Margaret Thatcher. And it was very funny. Like I just she knows how to respond. I know it's part of our machine, but I'm extremely here for it. The other thing, though, I reckon, aren't going to cousin's best friend is a liar. Because American men will say anything to get out of breaking up with a woman like they don't know how to do it because they don't know how to communicate properly. No offence to everybody in this podcast. So what I reckon I already was like, Oh, it's the vaccine like he was due to marry this woman. And then he was like, no, it's, it's a vaccine. It's made me unable to have children. Sorry. And then that news got back to him. And I just cousin which got back to her.
Heath Franklin 16:38
So you reckon he's he's two weeks out from the wedding. And he's just panicked. And he's like, I don't want to be here. And he's just got another pair of pants and stuffed it down the front of his pants. She's walked in and being like, What are you up to? And he's like, oh, balls are swollen from?
Nina Oyama 16:56
Yeah, it's like when he yells want to get rid of boys. And they'll be like, Oh, it's female stuff. It's female stuff. He's like, Oh, my balls as well. You don't want to hear about it.
Lewis Hobba 17:04
Also, we cut the guy trying to get out of PA.
Nina Oyama 17:07
Dan Ilic 17:09
I'm pretty sure swollen bows are really strong indication of an STD as well. So maybe he was just using that as a slight excuse to get out of the wedding perhaps?
Lewis Hobba 17:18
Yeah, it definitely like the first comment underneath that was like the most like done. It was like going that guy's got chlamydia. And like, once you start to start seeing that decision tree in reverse, like a guy's engaged, but he has chlamydia. And he hasn't gotten it from his fiance. So he's gotten it from someone else. Now the woman has gone. Why do you have such big balls? And he has two decisions in that moment. One is to say I've cheated on you two weeks before the wedding. Or the other say the vaccine gave me giant balls. Now I don't know this man. I don't know him at all. But I can see a world in which he made the decision that he obviously made in which now Nicki Minaj is telling everyone that chlamydia is COVID
Dan Ilic 17:57
she's telling 22 million people there are people in in Australia are talking about on the podcast
Nina Oyama 18:03
started beef with Boris Johnson like she started beef with a world leader. That's next level shit. I'm nothing but respect for my my prime minister, Nicki Minaj.
Lewis Hobba 18:14
Also, do you say that Trinidad and Tobago released a statement today saying we've literally gone through all of the people who have reported to any medical stuff and no one in Trinidad Tobago has come through with big bowl so this is just this is just made up of
Heath Franklin 18:29
doctors out there with rules. Everyone
Lewis Hobba 18:35
that scales with a tiny little scales underneath every man and we can say the balls a normal,
Heath Franklin 18:40
full blown national ball audit across a
Nina Oyama 18:46
double check. I will say though the Pfizer vaccine apparently makes your boobs bigger for like six weeks so I was like well maybe that's like what happens to guys is that you just get like a bit of testy cleavage going on. And that like subsides but
Dan Ilic 19:01
if any testy cleavage was like an appealing thing to kind of show it and flesh out in public you know oh you know you Bowlsby
Nina Oyama 19:10
normalised testy cleavage you guys know
Heath Franklin 19:15
normalise being vaccinated and having big balls as well.
Dan Ilic 19:19
Yeah, you can have big you can have big balls and you can be vaccinated These are two things you can have at the same time Let's not make a mistake here.
Nina Oyama 19:26
Also isn't having big balls like a good thing like whenever you do something that's like really brave everyone's like Oh, they got big balls. Look the balls on that person that so bit like isn't that a compliment?
Dan Ilic 19:35
You can look he has big balls. You can call the later of another country little fella. You can do that. She got big balls. Yeah, ironically,
Heath Franklin 19:42
ironically, lying to your fiance two weeks out from the wedding ism display of tiny little bowls usually
Nina Oyama 19:51
hidden in this scenario like if you were had big balls, wouldn't they be full of more sperm and therefore make you more fertile. Besides As a job,
Dan Ilic 20:03
coach, we need to call Anthony Fauci. We need to get him on the line.
Nina Oyama 20:05
I think Nicki Minaj if you do want to be taken seriously, she should just put a doctor in front of her name because I think like, that's what a lot of rappers do like Dr. Dre, you know, they just make it up just she can do it. This is just so big, just
Unknown Speaker 20:21
irrational fear. They publicly linked the Coronavirus vaccines to impotence Prime Minister, how concerned are you? I'm not familiar with the work of Nicki Minaj
Unknown Speaker 20:31
I'm actually British. I was born there. I went to university there. I went to Oxford. You're listening to a rational fear.
Dan Ilic 20:41
This week's third fear as he said well soars past its 70% first year vaccination target the state was allowed some freedoms including a picnic. Yes. Fully vaccinated people outside of LGA of concern can now gather in groups of five outside and have a picnic. Hey, you banged up for this you bang up for a picnic?
Heath Franklin 21:00
Oh, I got up me when I was first told by Gladys that our treat was going to be picnics. I was like boo Gladys, picnic sock
Nina Oyama 21:07
data was like making sorry
Heath Franklin 21:11
Don't you dare they are the best. I
Nina Oyama 21:13
prefer a champ.
Heath Franklin 21:15
After school we all chomp curly whirly double so yeah, the only really Trump combo is started with the curly whirly because it's intense and then come down the curly Willie methadone is always the
Nina Oyama 21:26
net worth 99 cents and they're like oh my value Oh Dan, you forgot to mention that one of the sponsors of this podcast is is beach big chomp Kelly really combo that anonymous
Dan Ilic 21:40
I'm actually just rocking like having Haitian dinner on the podcast Lewis and I don't have to do any work this year. I
Lewis Hobba 21:46
wasn't allowed chocolate as a kid. I don't get any of these references. If you're typing
Heath Franklin 21:50
Sorry, my mic if you care objects down the line for Yeah,
Lewis Hobba 21:53
thank you, Kara baguette. Oh, Caribbean non dairy milk as blue chips.
Heath Franklin 21:58
Delicious. I remember having not clusters.
Nina Oyama 22:04
Granola is that these
Dan Ilic 22:05
are all items you could probably have at a picnic case. Would you think this is a fine reward having a picnic? Or is it a bit bullshit?
Heath Franklin 22:14
Well, I can say at first I was like burgers and picnics are garbage. You're on the ground like a dog, you know? Or you're on a picnic table. And if you're in the middle of the bench have a picnic table. The only way to get out is like backwards like a scuba diver off a boat. Just kind of Hey, and you know there's nowhere to put your drink down. It's like there's the meats too cold. The salads too hot. It sucks. You know, someone spilled passion in the sky. None of it's gone. Right, right. But after about eight weeks lockdown and Sydney I've similar pigments.
Nina Oyama 22:47
Differently different views of picnics, hate because I'm like, Oh, I'm gonna go I'm gonna like play cards with my friends. We're gonna drink cocktails out of like a picnic basket. Or you're like, I'm like a dog on the ground. With the wrong people.
Heath Franklin 23:03
Oh, picnics with garbage. But now now. It's like getting a chance to leave the house. I mean to picnics, I'm super into picnics.
Lewis Hobba 23:09
This Saturday is going to be bananas. Like this is the first Saturday you can have a picnic in Sydney. The weather is looking pretty nice. I've never heard more people know exactly about the weather on a certain day. Everyone's like, it's looking good. It's fighting up. I don't like here's what I would say. If you are a thief, or a robber, or a burglar, Saturday's gonna be your day. No one is going to be in their house from 10am to 8pm. Go and take all those cheap TVs that people bought from Harvey Norman and lock down while you can you can absolutely clear out the entire city of Sydney.
Dan Ilic 23:43
I've actually paid several young men on Fiverr to go down to open spaces to already pre sit where I could possibly have a picnic. So I'm really looking forward to that going down and you know, taking my pick of the picnic places,
Lewis Hobba 23:59
huh? Oh, Dan, you're in bond. I and people haven't been following restrictions there anyway, have they? Oh,
Dan Ilic 24:04
no man. People have been picnicking for Yeah, weeks here. You know, actually outside my window. I can see often people picnicking in the medium strips like they're there. People come out of their houses to have lunch in the median strip. That's what folks do here. Yeah, nature
Nina Oyama 24:18
is usually where the buyers want to touch some grass. Dan, just let him do it.
Heath Franklin 24:25
What are you saying we're not allowed to have picnics here because I've been having picnics all week. I've been nowhere
Lewis Hobba 24:30
on Monday, but this is the first Saturday. Oh yeah,
Heath Franklin 24:33
no. I work in the arts. I've got nothing else to do. I've been picnicking just everywhere. There's all sorts of picnics I went to I was like one at two picnic blankets already. And then I just had made out of picnic blanket material because I'm tired of carrying them around.
Lewis Hobba 24:49
Actually such a boon for big blanket. If you're in the game, you get ready to party level on your house.
Dan Ilic 24:55
Just set a level of convenience side digit level of convenience that verges on genius as
Heath Franklin 24:59
your bring up a titan company and just buy buy buy buy stocks get into Titan now because it's gonna be messy.
Nina Oyama 25:07
I feel like all my friends have gotten into crocheting so they've just made their own cute little blankets and they get to show them off and Instagram them and I'm, I'm happy for them, you know?
Heath Franklin 25:16
save you save your energy for yarn bombing hipsters bow. Wow.
Lewis Hobba 25:21
The word yarn bombing in a really long time, man back in my day. That was the only war you experienced the great yarn bomb of 20 2010
Dan Ilic 25:32
went off so slowly. Hey, Sam tillison beatniks that also went on,
Heath Franklin 25:35
I went to a goth themed picnic. They had a cool table that looks like a coffin. But that turned out to be a funeral. I joined a random picnic. I was in between picnics. So I bought like a big one litre type of hummus as an icebreaker. I just walked up to some strangers. And I said, Hey, it looks like you're a brochure of a picnic and they all cheered and high five me and just slid on here. And then I went out, and I bought a convertible because a car with a roof is just a car. But a car with no roof is a mobile picnic. And so now I can picnic on the way to the picnics. I also tried to share our picnic, but the trolley wheels kept getting caught in the grass. And I ended up burning one of my friends pretty badly with a stack of porn and chive dumplings. I was also getting a lot of three and four person picnics. So I set up an account on Tinder, Grindr and Bumble Just to fill out the numbers. my avatar was a photo of a corner operated barbecue and the profile just said no sex, just picnic stuff. I went to a nitpickers picnic where we set up a picnic and other people's picnics and pointed out all the little things that were wrong with their picnics. Alright, I had a vote on picnic where I met with the other four lions, but we weren't sure of forming Voltron constituted a sixth person. So we just decided to play it safe. But then it was just a bunch of robot lions sitting in a park drinking rose. I
Nina Oyama 26:53
understand that reference, because I'm not a fucking nerd.
Heath Franklin 26:58
See you later. You're also not 40 I was having a picnic and I saw a neo nazi picnic close by forming and then an Tifa picnic set up next to them as some sort of like cancer picnic. And I thought this is gonna get really ugly, but it didn't because picnics are very calming down. They're very clean.
Nina Oyama 27:21
I really thought the payoff was going to be better than that. Hey, waiting to be like, mine camping chair or something.
Heath Franklin 27:40
These are all saves you guys. Like you know what I mean? to do an old golden slam tribute picnics. Yep. Which is where I went from an English picnic to a French picnic to an Australian picnic to a Japanese picnic to an American picnic. And I just dominated each picnic.
Nina Oyama 27:58
And then you did it and then you drink out of a trophy.
Dan Ilic 28:01
Did you do a Shui?
Heath Franklin 28:02
I didn't do I didn't do a shoe we know that I am but there's only three people that have dominated all five picnics. And I went to a Josh frydenberg job keeper picnic, which was an absolute disaster. He was like I think 40% of the food cost actually the 60% cost a different amount and also very both ancestral shoes because when we look What are you talking about? Josh? You don't even know numbers, you moron. And you can guess it was there I guess it was there. Jerry Harvey Harvey helped himself but then we were like boo, Jerry Yellow Dog put it back. And then I looked over at Specsavers plate, and they had 19 million Australian sausages. Despite posting profits for the designated period, and you wrote
Nina Oyama 28:50
that it's improvised
Heath Franklin 28:53
off the time I get it. You've shamed me into not doing it anymore. No.
Lewis Hobba 29:06
One was a real low I'm sorry. Sorry. Hey, all the rest of the moral highs
Nina Oyama 29:09
now I'm loving this picnic material more than I love actual picnic material which is taught
Heath Franklin 29:15
how to have a drink every time you hear the word picnic. That's my advice. By the end of it, you'll be dead and you won't have terrible jokes.
Nina Oyama 29:24
Oh, come on. Nick he's just barely better that's what I've
Dan Ilic 29:30
done let Nina bully you. Come on.
Heath Franklin 29:32
Let's go. I went to a Met Gala picnic. Actually, we couldn't sit down because if it's ridiculous one of my mates put two surfboards in a king single fitted sheet and then got in and then six shot afterwards. One of my other mates winners a letterbox phasmid which is where you see a letterbox you think it's a normal letterbox and then you got to put letters in it and it moves and it turns out it's my brand and dressed as a letterbox. Then I did another another friend who did like a schnitzel origin story costume and lay down it's a mistake and then rolled around of some bread crumbs. And I think it's safe to say that she misunderstood the assignment. And I myself for the Met Gala picnic put myself into a sequence neoprene cowl zone, which was dragged in by a pantomime Pegasus. I also went to a no no core pirate metal album released picnic. If you're
Dan Ilic 30:33
wondering if you're just joining us, you're listening to the picnic podcast on the picnic Podcast Network. You want us to hate Franklin giving a list of picnics he's been so in the last four days. He's currently been to quite a few if you want to hear check out the podcast or rational fi.com continue hate you
Nina Oyama 30:51
know he's this does go for four more hours right
Heath Franklin 30:54
this? Yeah, I spent a lot of time thinking about picnics. I did a lot of research.
Dan Ilic 31:03
What other techniques have you been to hate?
Heath Franklin 31:05
Well, as I was actually talking about the Norwegian deathcore pirate metal album release picnic when I was interrupted, which was really scary at first, but actually metal heads are really nice people. And there was a salad there that was quite nice. And I got the recipe
Nina Oyama 31:18
I went to picnic to I went to a picnic where it was as the only girl and there were the rest of them were all straight guys. And it was called a picnic. It was called the irrational fear podcast.
Heath Franklin 31:36
I'm sorry. I talked about picnics out a few more but one. To one I had a picnic. Nicki Minaj his cousin's friend. The whole thing thinking I was sitting on a beanbag, but it was not Nicki Minaj his friends. Balls I was sitting on his balls the whole time.
Dan Ilic 32:00
Oh my God
Heath Franklin 32:01
just before the way
Nina Oyama 32:02
and that was the key Minaj picnic
Heath Franklin 32:07
picnic Minaj tribute ball sec. Pitney
Dan Ilic 32:10
was there like it was a like a highlight. Did you have your favourite picnic? Because what is the one of the lists that you wanted to share with us?
Heath Franklin 32:16
That will be good picnics, but like he might offence picnics are more versatile than I first thought. And I've also when I'm scrolling for about a week so I'm losing my mind.
Nina Oyama 32:30
I actually went to a picnic and I'm the food was all like, jumbled up like it was all like meshed into each other was so crazy. Because it was brought in a total basket case. I'm trying to I'm just trying to bat with the best here.
Heath Franklin 32:48
See, picnic materials not as easy as
Unknown Speaker 32:57
this is a rational view.
Dan Ilic 33:00
This way, one of our Patreon members put a clip on our Discord. And it was a juice media style honest government ad from South Africa. It was really funny. It was informative as about the ways and means that the South African Energy Department go about extracting fossil fuels. It reminded me of another country let's have a listen to it.
Unknown Speaker 33:19
Come to the country is still planning to build new coal power stations, even though the banks pull financing and the courts often won't get your project started with a bank. Just remember, Nelson Mandela said, it always seems impossible until it's done. We shouldn't have too much trouble here. The simple truth is so that's when people don't really care about climate change. They too busy worrying about wildfires, droughts, dirty air and during cancer. The massive explosion caused a large fire they're giving us a cancer they're giving us all the sicknesses come to a country so in love with coal, it's literally everywhere. charcoal, my favourite flavour the rest of the world would have dirty coal but here in Santee, our coal is clean code because we spin a fairy tale story about how we can capture coal pollution and yes Africa remasters and capturing and get this. People believe it like they believe our excuses about loadshedding even though renewable energy could have solved the problem like this, so don't delay. Call today Come and dig up oil, gas and coal in South Africa and hurry while stocks loss. There isn't much of the country. We haven't sold off yet.
Dan Ilic 34:49
The God now that was so great, like most of those things in South Africa, you could have just replaced with Australia. I mean, sure. Nelson Mandela. We don't have one of those. You can Replace every shine worn but everything else is pretty similar. It comes from a satirical outfit on YouTube called political our way. It's one of its creators is Steven horn. Welcome to rational fear, Stephen.
Stephen Horn 35:11
Hi, Dan. Thanks so much for having me. And hi to everyone else.
Dan Ilic 35:14
It was really great like Naina hate Lewis and I have been making satirical comedy in Australia for 15 years. Or Nina hasn't maybe 1010 years. No,
Nina Oyama 35:25
no. Little baby in high school making satire.
Dan Ilic 35:33
And I think the point the point is, like, when you watch a clip like that, like so many things, and then I'm like, Oh, my God, that just could be Australia. Do you? Do you find it funny that there's a country on the other side of the world that is like going through the exact same shit you're going through?
Stephen Horn 35:48
It's very funny, and it's very relatable as well. I think that it just goes to show how across the board, these politicians aren't taking the climate crisis seriously. So that was that was our vibe is just to throw light on that. And I didn't I might be mistaken. This is just coming to my head right now. Did you guys also have a coal plant that like blew up or something?
Dan Ilic 36:10
Yeah, in Queensland about six months ago called plant
Stephen Horn 36:15
that one in our video.
Heath Franklin 36:18
From the telegraph.
Dan Ilic 36:19
Yeah, no, it's perfect. Like it was like it was like this. The perfect analogy is like phox, South Africa is just Australia on the other side of the on the other side of the world.
Stephen Horn 36:27
I guess that's why so many South Africans went to you guys, maybe you guys will start coming here? I don't know. Yeah, I was just gonna say that that power plant that they started when then the dupion consilio are two of the biggest coal power stations in the world that they started building clearly when they already knew that they're going to have to shut them down pretty much once they completed because of the climate change stuff. So they took but they took years and years over. It was I don't know, thumbtack this but it feels like about 10 years overdue, or at least five. And, you know, billions of rands over over budget. And then the week it gets launched, it blows up.
Heath Franklin 37:10
challenges the challenge especially
Dan Ilic 37:16
now you sure it wasn't blowing up from an eco terrorists blowing it out? Or is it inside job,
Stephen Horn 37:21
perhaps they beat the running gag when we were setting up this episode, we're going to have my co writers kg Mojave user is a really well known South African comedian. He just like brought it right back for us as like, you know, like, myself and some of my other colleagues on the show who are like quite close, like climate, you know, conscious He's like, but like, Guys, we have a lot going on here. Like to give some perspective, you know, South Africa is not Australia in in many other respects when it comes to unemployment, poverty, inequality, racial difficulties that still enjoy after apartheid. So you know, gender based violence, there's a lot going on, that's kind of the running theme. So that became a theme we pulled into the video is like, South Africans don't care about climate change, but actually, like we are feeling the effects. So it was playing with that and and kind of like trying to make people also like irritate people enough to go out and protest. It's like, they're not going to share this video, like fact climate change kind of thing.
Lewis Hobba 38:20
Steven, and I, what is it? What's the like, media coverage of climate change, like in South Africa, because a big problem in Australia is essentially that, like 70% of the news media is dominated by one company, you may have heard of it. It's News Corp, headed by Rupert Murdoch. And they up until a week ago, didn't believe in climate change. And all the papers basically reflected that. Is there any kind of coverage of it in South Africa?
Stephen Horn 38:44
So there is, it's getting better? It has, it's definitely not anywhere near where it needs to be. Like, given the severity of it, and the fact that our country is heating twice as fast as the planetary average. We've got droughts, we've got all these kinds of issues. I mean, for me, it's soda way. Yeah.
Nina Oyama 39:04
Feels like this feels like a first date. And we've immediately just started bonding over our shared trauma. Yeah, you guys are closer cuz we're both back.
Heath Franklin 39:17
Arms reaching across the Indian Ocean touching each other being like, let's go out together.
Stephen Horn 39:24
We nearly like I live in Cape Town, and we nearly ran out of water like not so long ago. It was like global headlines. And so I can't quite fathom how fast we all sort of moved on from that. Oh, it rained, but will it rain next time?
Dan Ilic 39:37
Oh, this is this is I think the point where we're at now. You know, two years ago, we had catastrophic bushfires rip through Australia like huge bush Pfizer mill, a billion animals died a billion animals that is tonnes of symbols. And that was many people thought, well, this is going to be the moment where Australians go well, we should probably do something about climate change because it Fact. And regrettably, the COVID pandemic has kind of wiped that off the table for the meantime, but it's still still lives large in people's brains. Most of the people in the elections want to see climate action happen. But there's a lot of institutional things getting in the way of that happening. Do you feel like a lot of people in South Africa want to see climate action?
Stephen Horn 40:18
I think that we discussed this on a series we did before because we've done climate quite a lot of climate coverage. And we do get this argument that people like going but why are you talking about this? That doesn't seem like a priority. But actually people who don't have a voice rural people who are the majority of the country don't, you know, don't have the necessarily use the language of climate change, but are experiencing the effects. And so we tried to highlight that and on a previous episode, we did we had like the kind of Greta thunberg of South Africa, an amazing young activist called they are committee Topher who told us about her family's like farm, like where she's from in the Eastern Cape where they are struggling to grow food, and like this is real problems happening right now. And so, yeah, I think that South Africans want to see action. But there is an awareness problem. And I again, like like you were talking about the media, we need a lot more media coverage of it.
Heath Franklin 41:14
Have you guys tried putting chaplains in schools at all?
Stephen Horn 41:20
We had about eight zero chaplains or something.
Heath Franklin 41:25
I don't know how many chaplains we need to keep throwing at the problem. But we need more chaplains
Dan Ilic 41:31
a segue to our shooting shady policies well known in Cape Town that's good. In the clip that I've just played afterwards you talk about this protest. It's going to be happening next week, the uproot the DMR a protest what is that protest all about?
Stephen Horn 41:44
Yeah, so uproot the DMR is a is a movement that's kind of draws its name. It's inspired by that hashtag uproot the system protests, which are global in nature, and are being, you know, pushed by the global climate climate movement. And so it's like our localised version, which takes aim at the DMR II, which is the Department of mineral resources and energy, and this government department, you guys, you would have seen this, Dan took it upon themselves to kind of retweet our tweet of our video which criticises them for not doing enough about climate change and Mythbusters fake news. So it's essentially like blowing the whole thing up like ma…