A Rational Fear
A Rational Fear
Feb 10, 2021
100th Episode! LIVE SHOW! — Hamish Blake, Yumi Stynes, Alice Fraser, Gabbi Bolt, Chris Taylor, Lewis Hobba, Dan Ilic
Play • 1 hr 36 min

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Last night at Giant Dwarf we had an absolute cracker of a live show to celebrate our 100th episode of A Rational Fear.

Chris Taylor opened all of The Queen's excel files.
Alice Fraser tip toed through the mindset of billionaire Elon Musk.
Yumi Stynes graciously examined what Eddie McGuire's departure from Collingwood really means.
Hamish Blake tries to monetise the Australian Open in ways we've never quite thought about.
Lewis Hobba defends Crown Casino in Sydney.
Gabbi Bolt proves she's not related to Andrew Bolt.
Dan Ilic (me) tries to explain why we should have seen Craig Kelly coming.
And Tom Lowndes from Hot Dub Time Machine holds the whole thing together.

I hope you enjoy it — it was one of the best live shows we've ever done!

(Shout out to new Patreon member Shaun who signed up on the night!)

LINK TO PHOTOSHOP TEMPLATE FOR LIBERAL MEME: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ld2208nr7uzz2tu/LIBERAL_MEME_dotEXE.psd?dl=0

🤑 CHIP IN TO OUR PATREON https://www.patreon.com/ARationalFear
📨 SUBSCRIBE TO OUR EMAIL LIST: http://www.arationalfear.com/
______________________________________________________

Transcript by OTTER.AI:

Unknown Speaker  0:00  
This podcast is supported in part by the Bertha Foundation.

Dan Ilic  0:04  
Hey Lewis, welcome to rational fear. Oh my goodness, you're so lovely 100 episodes. Very good. You know what I like about this? This is great doing a live show in the middle of a pandemic. It's fantastic. It's great marketing. I'm

Unknown Speaker  0:20  
hoping not the middle.

Dan Ilic  0:24  
three quarter time.

Unknown Speaker  0:25  
optimistic.

Dan Ilic  0:28  
I just feel like when people get COVID from here that everyone was how did you get it all went to this podcast. It's got to be bottom three ways to get we have Patreon supporters. I just want to thank our latest Patreon supporter Ben Waller is chipping in for 10 bucks a month. big thank you to Ben. It is great. I understand. We have a couple of Patreon people here. Who from Patreon is here. Yes, thank you. Very good. enjoy that. 20% off. Excellent.

Unknown Speaker  0:56  
I do two for one ticket. You

Unknown Speaker  0:58  
two for one tickets. 50%.

Dan Ilic  1:02  
We do 20% Yeah. Anyone out there starts getting any fucking ideas. We are recording irrational fear on the land of the gadigal in the urination. sovereignty was never seated. Wait a treaty. Let's stop the show.

Unknown Speaker  1:23  
irrational fear contains no two words just like bricks. Bricks can rob Finn and section. A rational fear recommends listening like

Dan Ilic  1:35  
my immature audiences. Tonight Eddie McGuire denies his racist adding he made the trainings ran on time. The World Health Organisation says Coronavirus is unlikely to have leaked from a lab and a devastating blow to conspiracy theorists to listen to facts. And Pauline Hanson calls for the swastika to be banned. It'll dilute her brand. It is the 11th of February 2021. And welcome to the Super Bowl of Australian satirical comedy podcast. This is

excellent. Welcome to rational Fie. I'm your host, former president of the Collingwood football club Dan Ilic. If you're new around here, this is the podcast that takes the saddest stories the weeks and makes jokes about them. Because let's face it, if you didn't laugh, you'd cry. Let's meet our fear mongers for tonight. He's the actor award winning creator of our pride and the actor award losing head writer of at home alone together from the chaser. It's Chris Taylor.

Unknown Speaker  2:44  
Thank you very much.

Chris Taylor  2:46  
Great to be here, so you win some you lose some very disappointed not to be nominated for the Golden Globes. But Nautilus Holy moly, so

Dan Ilic  2:54  
I feel good. And in 15 years old, she was expelled from boarding school, which is the only qualification you need to join this show. She's one of Australia's most loved smart asses. It's yummy Stein.

Yumi Stynes  3:06  
Thank you for having me. You know, I've been reflecting on getting expelled from boarding school. For the last 20 years. I was like, fuck those guys. That was really unfair. And then just recently I've gone. Yeah, it was a beautiful.

Dan Ilic  3:18  
Welcome. It's good to have you. And 11 years ago, we crashed the VIP section of a Comedy Central Party in New York City to meet john oliver. Then our next guests managed to get a job replacing john oliver on his very own podcast. She always gets what she wants to tell us.

Alice Fraser  3:35  
So happy to be a dad.

Dan Ilic  3:37  
Did you crash tonight? Or did you get a ticket?

Alice Fraser  3:39  
I wasn't invited. I put that in your script.

Dan Ilic  3:42  
And our next guest tried to move from Melbourne to Sydney while the state borders were closed, which turns out to be just as challenging as moving from one part of Sydney to another part of Sydney. It is heimish bike.

Hamish Blake  3:55  
Fresh out of the tunnel fresh out of the tunnel.

Unknown Speaker  3:59  
Lovely to meet you.

Dan Ilic  4:00  
And he's co hosted over 100 episodes of a satirical comedy podcast, and he's yet to see a cent. It's Louis harbour. Did you say I've co hosted over 100 episodes so I did I made a mistake. Yeah, like well, you guys only too late. Sorry, the 100th episode was weeks ago. That's like you make your mistake, but this was gonna be recorded on a Thursday.

Unknown Speaker  4:28  
Yes, I didn't realise this was on tonight. I told all of my friends to come tomorrow. That's why

Dan Ilic  4:38  
we recorded this on a Thursday every Thursday for 18 months. I'm sorry. It's what we're what we had an on deck for the first time in ages. It's DJ Tom. A little later on, you'll meet our musical guests Gabby Boldt. She's really big on Tick Tock. But first here is Message from this week's sponsor

Unknown Speaker  5:02  
in recognition of leadership change at Collingwood football club. McDonald's is celebrating some of the menu items in producing the McGuire burger spineless chicken fillers in a better protected in a milky white been worth Extra Mile Jeremiah this much source it's guaranteed to leak no matter how you handle it with grill marks painted on relax. It's a little joke. The mediocrity McGuire is basically a good burger but never meant to give anyone that shifts. The next time you visit a McDonald's

Unknown Speaker  5:42  
ask for the McGuire

Unknown Speaker  5:45  
tastes like Yarra water

Unknown Speaker  5:46  
never cancel, just not on the board anymore. For online ordering, just go to burgers and highlight the tag that says mee mee mee mee mee

Unknown Speaker  5:54  
I recommend it to everyone.

Dan Ilic  5:58  
Well, folks, it is Yes, thank you. Robbie McGregor there, folks, it is 2021 which means we could have an election this year, or we could simply not do and say we did which seems to be the coalition's policy strategy at the moment. Australia's elections kind of like booty calls, they spring up on your the last minute ruin your weekend plans. But if you're lucky, you'll get a sausage. And there is anticipating brewing for booty call 2021 you can see the signs already there already knife shortages in Canberra. It's also very strange, very strange. 2021 labour is so scared that the coalition will bully them on climate change. They're desperate to try and do less on climate change. And the Liberal Party is so scared that the nation and the world will punish them for doing fuck all on climate change that they're desperate to do just the bare minimum on climate change. It's kind of like a pissing contest, but the contestants won't piss. They won't even unzip their pants but insist on building new coal powered toilets. But who said bipartisanship was dead? Here we go. I think there's one thing both parties have their sights on and there is the member of Hughes. His name is Craig Kelly. Now if you think

Hamish Blake  7:14  
I mean if you listen to the podcast, huge cheer went up in here but we don't we don't have the audience mics so you can't really hear it.

Unknown Speaker  7:25  
Stick around.

Dan Ilic  7:28  
Now if you think he has the look of a flustered director of a furniture company that's gone bankrupt, you're right. He's literally the flustered director of a furniture company that's going bankrupt. Now everyone is annoying to cry because he's kind of like the drunk uncle at the Parliament House Christmas party. He wanders around the backyard, telling you unverified bullshit to anyone who listened stuff like the US Capitol insurrection was a hoax,

Alice Fraser  7:56  
Neo fascists and Marxists engaged in a highly coordinated false flag operation.

Dan Ilic  8:00  
And environmentalists started the black summer bushfires.

Yumi Stynes  8:05  
I wonder if any of those arrested extinction rebellion types trying to fulfil their prophecy

Unknown Speaker  8:10  
and renewable energy will will drown kids by making

Hamish Blake  8:15  
swimming lessons more expensive, some parents are going to be unable to afford them. The result being less children having basic swimming and water safety skills, placing them at greater risk of drowning. That is actually spot he's got a boy.

Dan Ilic  8:33  
Yeah, you can tell him she's done more than 100 podcasts.

Unknown Speaker  8:37  
One baby tomorrow night you're gonna be

Dan Ilic  8:42  
back in 2016. He even attended a commemoration of Croatia's Nazi allied fascist government the MDH and then proceeded to say this occasion

Chris Taylor  8:53  
on behalf of the Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott, who is now in Japan, I impart you to greetings and good wishes on the occasion of the celebration of April tin to you and all Croatians in Australia and those in Croatia.

Dan Ilic  9:08  
Not necessarily the best thing. The Australian Ambassador then got pulled into the Croatian parliament to explain what the fuck was going on. I assume the ambassador just put a picture up of the Prime Minister eating an onion and said sorry, we don't know. It's very strange. Now it is. It is a there's a very few things that a politician will get cancelled for in Australia. But being fascist isn't one of them. It turns out spreading lies about COVID on social media is the last straw now over the last year. Craig's Facebook and going he's when I've gone on Sky media. He's just been spreading information misinformation about COVID. All over the place. He's been saying that mandated mass for children is his child abuse. He's been alluding to the anti Vax conspiracy theories about Bill Gates, he's been promoting disproven and unproven COVID-19 treatments like the anti malarial drug hydroxy chloroquine and in the victim, which is actually a horse de wormer. It won the prize for removing parasites something that scomo might like to win a little later on if we removed some parasites from his own party. Kelly even went on celebrity chef and problematic kendal's podcast paid Evans's podcast for an hour and a half. I just spoke bullshit about conspiracy theories. Now I listened to it, so you didn't have to any he said a whole bunch of stuff. That wasn't news. But I think Pete broke some news.

Unknown Speaker  10:30  
Very wise words and very truthful words, Craig.

Pete Evans  10:34  
It looks like I'm going to throw my hat into the ring and join the political movement and see speak. See what see what happens from that. I had no expectations when you sit in a big room or Western at the back of the room where you can see everything.

Unknown Speaker  10:50  
I'll give you a tip.

Dan Ilic  10:52  
I don't think that's why you sit in the back of the room.

Hamish Blake  10:56  
You're on at the back like my daughter is when she's driving the car.

Dan Ilic  11:03  
Folks, do you have any tips for Pete Evans as he heads into the world of politics cities

Hamish Blake  11:07  
I feel like he's nailed his slogan there. expectations that will

Dan Ilic  11:16  
be a good time to down to just Evans know.

Chris Taylor  11:21  
The Evans party for people who think Pauline Hanson is far too sensible.

Alice Fraser  11:25  
I reckon seven minutes in Evans.

Chris Taylor  11:29  
They should only put a candidate in barn by surely like

Hamish Blake  11:34  
surely I'd like to see someone come out there because you know, political slogans or like they often just like you know, hey, we can do it or you know, whatever, you know, like jump on board or for a progressive turn. I'd like to see him get defensive because he knows everyone's against him like a slogan that says something like you're the fucking crackpot.

Just in your fucking weird. dead on the front foot. Spray paint if you're listening, and I know you do.

Dan Ilic  12:01  
None of this would be a problem if Craig Kelly was just your uncle, but he's not. He's an MP with a huge social media presence that is actually bigger and more powerful than the Prime Minister's own social media presence. It's worse than letting your uncle loose on Tinder. Craig's already swiped far right? It's terrible. After the PM, was asked about this at the National Press Club last week, he was there to see if he's going to do something about Craig, this is how scomo replied,

Unknown Speaker  12:26  
You don't get to create Craig Kelly.

Unknown Speaker  12:29  
He's not my doctor, and he's not yours.

Unknown Speaker  12:34  
He's pretty happy with that one is

Dan Ilic  12:38  
Spoken like a man you

Unknown Speaker  12:40  
are in the room to laugh.

Dan Ilic  12:43  
But after a brief confrontation with Labour MP Tanya plibersek, in the halls of Parliament House, there was a big announcement in Canberra. Of course, Canberra fucking loves announcements that the Prime Minister pulled Craig Kelly into his office and gave him a dressing down now. Sorry, if I've given you a visual of Craig Kelly dressing down there. I'm really sorry about that. FEMA has any idea about what that conversation with scomo and Craig Kelly, and the office was all about or what they said to each other? You gotta say sorry. Oh, come on.

Yumi Stynes  13:19  
Up. It's time to time get out there and fucking say sorry.

Hamish Blake  13:24  
Just a bit of like, double check. You don't actually my doctor are making all these gags in the press guy and they're going well, but you're not actually.

Alice Fraser  13:34  
Actually the thing about homoeopathy is the list. I'm your doctor, the more I'm your doctor.

Unknown Speaker  13:42  
He only

Dan Ilic  13:42  
got him off Facebook for a very short amount of time. It lasted 36 hours.

Hamish Blake  13:50  
That was a that was a scomo enforced ban. It wasn't a Facebook enforcement.

Dan Ilic  13:54  
No it was like steady six hours I wonder if he was just like look Okay y'all Facebook I'll introduce you to tick tock and then it was just cry just like punching buttons for 36 hours

Hamish Blake  14:07  
it does scream a bit of like that's it no screen time for a week. Daniel

Unknown Speaker  14:12  
spreads misinformation

Unknown Speaker  14:17  
All right, well, all of that

Hamish Blake  14:20  
you really think about it after that.

Chris Taylor  14:24  
I was just glad he did you know he also was banned from only fans.

Hamish Blake  14:28  
No, he wasn't. VPN and you guys addressing New Zealand

Dan Ilic  14:37  
now actually happened to have a recording of of what went happened, what happened in that office, but I can't actually play it for legal reasons. So I've had to do a dramatisation for the day das, who does a lot of the voices on this show plays Scott Morrison but because there are so many Hollywood shows and movies happening in Australia right now. There are no actors I could get in Australia, they're all booked. So I have to go to Hollywood to find the best commercial How to Play cried Kelly.

Unknown Speaker  15:06  
cried cry, just come in and sit down and play on your iPad for 20 minutes then I'll put out a release that you can repost on Facebook. Okay? Ah, great start date. Great One hydroxychloroquine now, sorry, Mike. Thanks to the billion forex in the fridge. Please use my desk. It's four metres squared from everyone else in the office. You're amazing. pfriem shibo you're a believer. Yes, Mike. That's right. Mainstream are where the votes are. But voters like the Sharpies. I like the Sharpies. Godspeed. I wish right you're that deep state might might there is no deep state. When times was in charge. It was Peter. You're friends with the deep state you make TV with the deep state trying to silence me. I have freedom of speech. Craig now I'm not silencing you. But Shut up. Now you're free to say whatever you want to after the election when you act like a goose I look like a good this year. I'm having a no goose policy. I'm gonna stop the geese Have a look at this. What is this a turbo that's right Good boy. And what does it say? I stopped the guy you can read well that's good. Now I'll get you one of these with your face on it. Great wines trophy face get good now only if you quiet and stop posting rubbish Now give me one good reason not to drop you from Hugh's Facebook friend hi char tape from n guy Dean make dogs Vladimir Oh gee below mice is no type you did it. I have deniability for Facebook stream.

Unknown Speaker  17:11  
Battery dead I'm sure pad.

Unknown Speaker  17:15  
your iPad is dead. Well charge it and you can pick it up tomorrow from PETA. Yes. Really good judges in there. Only if you're a good boy, Craig. galley. Good boy. Good boy.

Unknown Speaker  17:30  
Great. Come

Unknown Speaker  17:31  
back tomorrow. fudge rose. That's a bloody good idea might now Fuck off.

Dan Ilic  17:40  
That's Gilbert godfried everyone.

Chris Taylor  17:46  
A high profile impression a very good impression

Dan Ilic  17:52  
that he's the thing we shouldn't actually be surprised about Craig Kelly at all because we have known this was gonna happen from the very start of Craig Kelly's career. If the bankrupt furniture store wasn't a red flag, perhaps this line in Craig Kelly's maiden speech should have been over the years I've packed my head into many rugby Scrum. Although no doubt some would say maybe one Scrum to me.

Right now, with more about how we keep our politicians more accountable. It's Gabby bolts Aaron getmyboat

Gabbi Bolt  18:35  
I've actually never done a comedy said before. That's true. Sir. Please pity me.

What the Australian Government needs is a Karen a crop chop nitpicking Nightmare on the parliament floor. Because as someone who used to work in retail, I've seen them leave a nasty email about how I am supposed to do my job. But when you need a Karen most that's when they vanish. Like on Craig Kelly's COVID Facebook posts that nowhere to be found. But if Karen was feeling ill and doc said try this radical, untested pill. Well, I'd bet 10 bucks she'd take his licence down. You hear tales of Karen's far and wide, getting barista sacked because they put too much which cream on my triple mocha frappe. You see Karen's demanding manages in your average grocery store. So where are they when they need to see the biggest manager of normalised caring culture in politics They've gone on for too long getting people fired for weightless go to redirect their attention to when national intervention I can give you Craig Kelly's email address normalised Karen culture in Parliament's when people act irresponsibly on the job. Call them out with the same fervour as a teenage fast food worker who had the audacity to get your order wrong.

Unknown Speaker  20:55  
The microphone

Unknown Speaker  20:58  
now,

Chris Taylor  20:59  
thanks for having me down. This is a genuine treat to be part of the hundreds I think me and Alice within part of the very first ones. And it's amazing that it's had this run like cereal didn't eat get close to 100 a teacher's pet not trying hard enough. So no, it's great to be here. I'm gonna talk about the Royals. Now without wanting to conform to social stereotypes, I was reading the Guardian this week.

And there was this bombshell report about how the Queen lobby to have the Lord changed to keep the details of her personal wealth hidden. So basically, the UK Parliament was trying to pass transparency laws so the public would know exactly how much the monarchy spent of public money, but the Queen's lawyers, I think she was raped by Rudy Giuliani. They, they managed to overturn the law so we don't know how much he spends and what on That is, until tonight, ladies and gentlemen here the john Doerr theatre, I have the official list of the royal families expenses, which I'm more than happy to share with you tonight. Now just for background, the Queen gets an annual salary it's about $97 million a year fair $97 million taxpayer money. She's also on job keeping. Prince Charles's annoyance. With one woman he doesn't want to keep her job. So he then in no particular order other palaces expenses for the last financial year. 40,000 pounds on Uber Eats usually uneaten because Nando's in London still don't do very, very pheasant. It's downhill from that was

Unknown Speaker  23:00  
over 100 episodes that must be like your 70th pheasant, Joe

Chris Taylor  23:05  
Welcome to 71 80,000 pounds on getaway cars at the annual Royal Variety Performance. Anything to avoid small talk with Susan Boyle afterwards 50,000 pounds racial awareness training for Prince Philip. Unfortunately, his tutor was Eddie McGuire. Progress was slow $1 million retainer for elton john to keep him pumping out new versions of candle in the wind.

The principle of one decades ago 200,000 pounds on developing a new dating app especially for Royals. It's like Tinder but only let you match with cousins. 4 million pounds. legal fees for Prince Andrew two pounds media training for Prince Sandra 600,000 pounds lobbying the Commonwealth of Australia to get Holy Moly off the air. 2 million pounds on an ambitious pay a lot this one ambitious paid project of the claim to crossbreed horses with corgis to create her ultimate spirit animal. The hoagie her intention was to create kind of cute fun sized horses the size of a Corgi, but what she ended up with instead was grotesque corgis, the size of a Clydesdale. All of them were discreetly put down except one which was kicked around Megan Markel out of the country. 15 million pounds on the upkeep of antiquated buildings and relics from bygone eras such as Hampton Court, Sandra Nichols And Mark record 6000 pounds paid to the actress who plays Diana on the Netflix series The Crown for her weekly recreations of the Ballymena scenes, performed for the whole family's enjoyment every Sunday after church. That's just for my wife. We love this.

Unknown Speaker  25:23  
Now

Chris Taylor  25:25  
50,000 pounds sexism awareness training for Prince Philip. Unfortunately his tutor was at McGuire. Progress was slow. 6 million pounds on bribing gamebirds to fall to the ground pretending they've been shot during all the prince Philip's shooting and they keep planes in even when they've served for dinner later on their amazing commitment to the row.

Dan Ilic  25:49  
What sort of game birds Chris maybe like a pheasant grouse?

Chris Taylor  25:56  
All right. 100,000 pounds on TV development. This one's quite weird. See after the success of its a royal knockout, Prince Edward spent all of last year developing royal Ninja Warrior. There's also a royal maffs, which is basically this Charles and Camilla dry humping on a beach for an hour. JOHN Howard called it the romantic fieldwood hit 50,000 pounds on training for Prince Philip in how to exit a long reign with dignity. Unfortunately, his tutor was Eddie McGuire. And finally 17 million pounds paid to lawyers to make sure the public never gets wind of the secret that the woman who lives in that massive palace might actually have a bit of coin. I mean, sure the face is literally on all the money But please, let's not ever jump to conclusions that our hands are on as well.

Dan Ilic  26:56  
What would you like to know about how the Queen actually spends her money? It's weird because it's weird that she tries to hide it because it's not like we don't know she's rich.

Unknown Speaker  27:10  
It's such an expensive hobby.

Dan Ilic  27:13  
I'd say most everyone who goes to London The first thing I do is go to her house.

Hamish Blake  27:19  
In the middle of town Yeah. And look at the jewels. The crown. What's the

Dan Ilic  27:29  
LSU LSU you spend a lot of time in London you've lived there you live with the queen?

Hamish Blake  27:35  
What's the craziest thing you saw blood cash on?

Unknown Speaker  27:40  
Keeping Prince Philip alive?

Dan Ilic  27:43  
27 do you think you know Australia should be paying royalties to the Queen based on us using her picture on the money we have?

Alice Fraser  27:50  
Look, I think we all have an agreement in Australia which is that we're going to become a republic eventually when she dies. Like we're just going to be polite until she dies and then we're not going to have Charles on our money

Chris Taylor  28:00  
or do you think she's really shitty that everyone taps now and we don't use money? Is she lobbying the credit card companies to get a face on that as well? Actually

Hamish Blake  28:07  
the visa dove is way more fancy. Is it the MasterCard? What's the hologram beauty products? The hologram on the visa okay all right. But you know like sometimes you're gonna net banking and it will go like you spent this much this month on like health care or like you know, utilities I would like like the real specific breakdown for the quaint like the just the bits of the real weird stuff. I don't think we know like a break us a lot to keep the house and the horses and stuff like that's obviously expensive. But you want weird stuff like you want to know if she bought VR? Or like, just got just dumb stuff. I don't know. But all the purchases past 10 o'clock. 10 o'clock like do I am

Chris Taylor  28:54  
Jean session on eBay.

Alice Fraser  28:58  
Uber Eats order.

Hamish Blake  28:59  
I would like to know the breakdown on that.

Alice Fraser  29:00  
Yeah, I want to see the map of the person driving round and round trying to figure out how to get in.

Dan Ilic  29:04  
Yeah, she just she

Chris Taylor  29:06  
walked out to the gate to pick it up personally. is a servant have to bring

Hamish Blake  29:11  
it up. Nice. I think it's still leave and go. No, no, we won't be vaccinated. leave and go.

Dan Ilic  29:17  
Do you think they have to pay for Netflix to get the crown?

Hamish Blake  29:22  
I mean, there's gotta be some role.

Dan Ilic  29:25  
And is that where royalties comes from? Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Yumi Stynes  29:43  
All right. You all know what happened, but I'm gonna run you through the facts. Anyway. Yesterday media personality Eddie McGuire stood down as Collingwood football club president after 23 years on the job. He was sad. He was fucking sad. his resignation speech which went for 15 minutes and was mostly a lengthy self congratulating listicle of what he has achieved contain no real apology, although an apology was actually what was needed. So this resignation from yesterday morning was the lightest in a cascading series of events. The event that led to yesterday's resignation was an open letter calling for his resignation. Prior to that event, the event was the leak of a commission report on the culture of racism at the Collingwood football club researched and written by indigenous academic Professor Larissa Behrendt. Now, the event that led to the commissioning of that report was complaints of racism by former Collingwood star player Heredia Lumumba. So we're four links up the chain before we get to the hero of the story, surprise, surprise, it's not Eddie McGuire. So Geraldo Lumumba started playing for Collingwood, 2004 as an 18 year old. His background is mixed race, Congolese and Brazilian and he speaks fluent Portuguese, he's black, he's handsome, and he's a shithead football player. But even though he was charismatic, fair and really popular with fans, and as I mentioned, a shithead football player. His career at Collingwood stalled when he started calling out the racism that he saw is endemic to the culture of his own club. And it was then that he started to be frozen out of leadership positions ostracised by the people in charge, and had unfounded whispers of madness and mental illness from his own club amplified by a complicit media. Lumumba left Collingwood in 2014 after 199 games. Now coming here tonight, I didn't really want to talk about how to Lumumba and Eddie McGuire because talking about racism for anyone who's experienced it is actually never comfortable. I also do want to talk about it because I don't follow football. So if you ask me some stats, I'm not gonna be on a budget. And I didn't want to talk about it. Because every time I'm actually confronted in the real world by racism, I actually get like a physical, almost spidey sense, tingling in my lower back that it's sort of like a queasy, unpleasant feeling. And sometimes the feeling comes before the mental processes can catch up. I attended a talk a few years ago by American philosopher and activist Dr. Cornel West, who came to Australia. He's a Harvard professor and a black man. And what he said like he said a bunch of cool stuff. But one thing he said I've never forgotten. It was something along the lines of I'm still overcoming my own racism. I'm still learning. I like everyone else. I'm a product of the world we live in. And he's like an old man, he's 67 years old. And that actually made me feel better. Because I'm imperfect. I'm still learning and we all are. Like, imagine, okay, imagine you're on the street in your own suburb, and a stranger comes up to you and asks if they can borrow your phone. She's a 35 year old white woman. And you're like, yeah, sure I use my phone. But what if she's a 35 year old white woman who's really skinny has dirty hair is scratching herself and wearing head to toe tracksuit, in mid summer. Would you still let it use your phone? So we're always kind of casting value judgments on people. It's not necessarily always racial. It's based on how they look all the time. We do it all the time. It's just really tough. If you're copying it because of something that you can't help so you can't help your heroin habit. But you also really can't help the colour of your skin and it's infuriating when that's how people judge you. So I thought, things that I thought were okay, five years ago, I realised now I'm not okay. And I'm guessing that in another five years, I'll look back at the year me now and cringe at how unworthy I am. I am still learning. But is Eddie.

I've always been super interested. It's like my hobby. Watching the way that people who are racist are blind to their own racism. It's almost cute. It's like a toddler wandering around. Like I'm the kind of where they are. And if it's pointed out to them, their first response is pretty much always defensiveness, they get really upset. And I get it. And I'm so interested in this reaction. And the flip side of that is the people who see racism first. Always the people who experience it the most and the worst, which is why indigenous people are often at that intersection of racism and a bunch of other prejudices that make their experiences way worse than you or I could imagine. And this is not my hobby. Like it's not talking about race. Islam is really, really thankless when people talk about that day that Nicky winmar lifted his shirt and pointed to his black skin. I know, you know, that moment. They're describing an iconic moment that was turned into an iconic photo, which has been immortalised as an iconic statue. But they're forgetting, I think that when Mark himself said to the photographer who took that iconic photo, I appreciate that you've changed my life. But for me, I'm having to embrace possibly one of the worst days of my life over and over again. So when he did that he wasn't having a great time. And every time he sees that he's taken right back to that moment of being booed, and having horrible things, shout out to him. Talking about racism, as I said, is thankless. You have to convince people first of all, that it exists. And when I say people, I mean, white people, and trying to convince white people that racism exists is sometimes like convincing people in the dark ages that they're breathing something that it's real, it's called oxygen. It's a sound like what are you talking about. And then you're expected to prove your own credentials by explaining your own experiences of racism, which is not only painful, but it feels like if you start nominating and isolating and describing single incidents, you're in danger of leaving behind hundreds, sometimes 1000s of times that racism existed, but was so micro so unremarked upon that it was very much like the air we breathe. So if I were to try and well really to try very hard not to try and find parody between my experiences and bombas. But if I were to try and dig into, say, the first time that I was called a chink, a nip, a jab or a goog, I might leave behind the times that I was expected, as a seven year old Australian to apologise for World War Two. Or by trying to explain how being Asian has happened, my career, my or my love life or my earning capacity, I might accidentally minimise the hundreds of death threats that people have made against me over the years. And for what have they made those death threats is an interesting question. And I think that anyone who's ever had many people threaten to kill them. They have sat with the why, for quite a long time. And I think if I had to distil The reason why I inspired hatred in enough people that they would send me murderous and quite descriptive and detailed death threats, then I think that the reason I could fairly say was because I did to question the manhood and authority of a white male or authority figure as a non white person. Eddie McGuire, by the way, is the guy who said Adam Goodes should do the promotion for King Kong. And when Heredia Lumumba called him out about it, he said, This is what Lumumba said himself, people made it very clear to me that I'd done the wrong thing that I'd thrown the president of Collingwood under a bus, almost making him out to be the victim. So whether we've grown as a nation and learned from this painful saga is going to be shown in the post Collingwood Korea of Eddie McGuire. Because usually, I've seen it enough times I can predict it. When the shit goes down. The brown person gets blamed. And the white person goes on to have a great career in politics.

Dan Ilic  38:44  
Have a letter that went out Monday and then he got the step down on Tuesday. That's right. Yeah. That must be feel pretty powerful for that moment.

Yumi Stynes  38:52  
Did it feel good, but I don't want people to confuse his resignation for cleansing of the entire football culture that made him thrive.

Dan Ilic  39:01  
Yeah. Do you think this is kind of a you know, this is a very public moment for Eddie McGuire. But do you think a lot of organised organisations all around the country are looking at this going Fuck, we need to fucking clean up as sharp.

Chris Taylor  39:14  
The worry is they'll do the reverse because this sort of all came out as a result of them deciding to launch an investigation into the culture. I want I'm nervous that some companies might go well it doesn't turn out well when you do that. So maybe we're just sort of keep mom

Dan Ilic  39:28  
Yeah, which is a shame because I don't I think if that the release of that report had been handled better like their release the fuck up was saying this is a proud day. This is a shameful day and we're gonna work on it. I don't think maybe we would be in that situation with like, Oh shit, we shouldn't even look at it. But they're on the on the backfoot from the get go because that report was handed to them in december two months, and it took ages for it was leaked to an investigative journalist and then they were gonna leak it they were trying to get ahead of the story. And fucking nothing ever goes well when you try to get ahead of the story.

Chris Taylor  40:00  
So How bad is it? Like you mentioned the Adam Goodstein, which was just horrendous, and unpardonable. I can't believe he survived that. And the thing that brought him down was just a slip of the tongue. And he's like, made a dress

Unknown Speaker  40:11  
dress. Like that's

Yumi Stynes  40:12  
not what brought him down. And I disagree with you, Louis. I think like saying it's a proud that I think it was just like, he was trying to say, I'm proud that we're doing something about this. No, he's just playing with words, saying that that's what's brought him down. It's it's 23 years of races, leadership that's brought him down.

Unknown Speaker  40:28  
I certainly wasn't saying that's what brought him down. I was just saying in terms of the release of the report. I think, like, I just Well, I mean,

Chris Taylor  40:36  
that the media fixated on Yeah, way more attention than warranted, given the history of the background of that report.

Alice Fraser  40:44  
I sort of feel sorry for these guys a little bit, because they got away with it for so long. It's like every week you robbed the bank, and then all of a sudden you get arrested and you're like, I was wrong the whole time.

Dan Ilic  40:57  
I think Ben, Ben Lowe had a great tweet today about it. He said, If entitled white women who complained to the manager or Karen's, I think Australians can agree entitled white men who feel that their true victims of systemic racism, and now it is do you think this is gonna change leadership power vision of operating around

Yumi Stynes  41:19  
the country? If so? I don't think so. But I think when people are racist, they don't know they're doing it. Most of the time, they're unaware. So I think No, and I think also, as usual, the brown person in the room is always the minority in this country, unfortunately. So when Lumumba was creating problems, and putting up quote, fingers there, the solution that's easier for the white guys in charge is to nominate that guy and go, let's get him out. He's a troublemaker which has happened to me. Shut your mouth, get her off the TV, she's creating problems, it's easier to just not have them on stage.

Dan Ilic  41:55  
Can we talk a little bit about that for a second? That moment on Studio 10, the infamous moment where you were saying some very truthful things about how Aboriginal people have lower life expectancy and stuff like that. And Kerri Anne Kennerley went you were talking about the truth, learning, getting Australians to learn our truth about Australia Day. And what's really powerful moment there were and there must have been so confusing for you at that moment to kind of go well, I'm just saying some very, very truthful things.

Unknown Speaker  42:24  
Just fax guy.

Dan Ilic  42:26  
What are you yelling at me for and how do they seem to have this employed my life for a month? Yeah,

Yumi Stynes  42:30  
that one was okay. I've been through other sheet storms that are way worse, at least with that one. I knew that I hadn't said anything wrong.

Dan Ilic  42:41  
As I've had a 15 year career and I've made some very bad things on television that I'm very not I'm not proud of and thankfully no longer exist. Thank you for talking about this tonight.

Unknown Speaker  43:03  
Hello,

Alice Fraser  43:04  
let's talk about money. I'm gonna do my verbal exercises first for talking about money. short sell seashells with a stacked deck on the stock floor. And the deck that she stacks is shorted for sure. Let's all stop GameStop stock stacking up in the GameStop shop. Bobby Bitcoin back to stock of pickled crypto, how many stocks of pickled crypto did Bobby Bitcoin back.

So this month marks month that we all found out a short squeeze is not just a pelvic floor exercise. People honour it if you don't know the GameStop story people on a Reddit board took exception to some big hedge fund guys short selling a bricks and mortar game shop called GameStop sparking 1000 hot takes about the little man taking back the power from the big man by corruptly manipulating the market in the way that is traditionally reserved for those too big to fail in those too big to jail. It was nice to watch hedge fund managers, managers scramble and it was an excellent example of how a system which is constantly jerking itself off with its libertarian money based meritocratic purity purity rhetoric really collapses when the people join in. I don't want to spend too much time explaining the stock market because I want to give a chance to the 1000s of young men who love explaining the stock market.

currently doing so online This is their one opportunity to tell everyone about their kink when people won't just tune out and nod politely. But it's such an old move that it was so celebrated. I think we can all agree that the perfect vengeance against the accountably at the against the unaccountably wealthy is to pour money into the systems that enrich them. As we all know Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the poor so they could pay rent to the rich. This is called a stimulus check. So these Reddit guys, these mostly young, mostly men who like to think of themselves as V from V for Vendetta or the Joker, because they lack imagination. They became the ultimate news cycle fertiliser despite the fact that they're basically a bunch of guys with nothing better to do using their spare time and spare money to upvote cool seeming memes with cash. Speaking of which, co founder and CEO of inspiringly innovative and astoundingly overvalued electric car company Tesla. Elon Musk has recently stirred the stock markets by using the imaginary money he's made from people thinking his company will make more money than it will to buy into bitcoin, the most imaginary money. He talked about it publicly before, during and after the transaction while declaring that he couldn't talk about it because it might move the stock market, which it promptly did. This is the rhetorical technique of negotiation where you say what you're not going to do while doing it. Like I won't call my esteemed opposition, a dirty cop quote with a barely legal mistress. Saying what he's not going to do while doing it is Elon Musk's fourth favourite thing to do after his third favourite thing which is saying what he is going to do while not doing his second favourite thing, which is investing money in revolutionary moonshots like firing a car into space or putting chips in monkey brains while being defended by a certain kind of guy who loves to tell me about how wrong I am about Elon Musk. while simultaneously missing every point I'm actually making. Look, Elon Musk does some great stuff. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see a sci fi nerd do well, you can't. He can't help admiring musk for his ambition. He basically single handedly gave a cash boost to the incredibly expensive enterprise of hardware prototyping in a world where it's much cheaper and easier to stick with iterating software good on him. Also, if this goes well, there are potentially world changing implications for a lot of the technology he invests in and takes credit for so maybe my issue with him is mostly aesthetic. And I don't mean aesthetics in that his head looks like it's made of meat and then all our heads are made of meat but his looks like it's more made of meat. He's JC he's a man of binaries. He's a man who's simultaneously very inspiring entrepreneur operating at a leading edge of science so far ahead of the time that he's either a business genius or a very successful performance artist. It's It's just that he's always in the news for doing something either extremely cool and futuristic, or undeniable, lead dystopian, and probably both. The moral of this story is money. Men be money Manning changing little for real people while smugly congratulating themselves on being the revolution. One of the richest men in the world buying big into an untraceable unregulated currency that can't be taxed is not a cool rebel movie. It's the beginning of a James Bond movie villain storyline. It is the wild fantasy of nerds who wish they were brave enough to be assholes. Elon Musk is a baby's idea of a grown up in the same way disrupting the market by throwing your collective collective Reddit weight behind a troll ship post investment is the equivalent of critiquing social media in an eight great paragraph Facebook posts in the end it's all about ethics in video game stock market journalism Thank you

Dan Ilic  48:30  
podcasts on the way here and they said Elon Musk and move 20% of the of the cryptocurrency market just by tweeting something that's incredible

Hamish Blake  48:39  
if I can

Alice Fraser  48:43  
thing is that like Bitcoin as a as a concept is like this idea of this, you know, blockchain whatever, blah, blah, blah. More than 50% of the Bitcoin mining capacity is controlled by China, the most worrying government

Unknown Speaker  48:57  
honestly, the last few weeks, I've been so happy to not have any money it's the first time in my life I've been like thank Fuck, I'm poor. And I don't have to care about any of this.

Hamish Blake  49:09  
I mean, I know this is this is not new news for anyone but like the whole point of Bitcoin is it's like decentralised and there is no 100 Bitcoin you can call it a complaint. There's no head office, which is a bummer because on our podcast on any podcast, five years ago, I bought two bitcoins for $900 each way and they were like a funny thing to own. And just like I've made this investment, they made this investment and then our web guy Jessica's really, really understand how to do it, he lost them, he lost the passwords. And you can't call up or write them a letter to go. I know everyone saying this, but I really had some Bitcoins. And we have two out there which are worth 120, grand, Old Joe, and we tried to hypnotise jazz to get because he's like, hop on and then only maybe books anyway and we made him sit in the studio with a hypnotist. As the best we got was him in a trance like state going capital B i t capital C. Hashtag one two, maybe exclamation mark. And so yeah, we've awesome except I'm kind of glad they stayed last because it is funny that we've lost 100 because we tried to sell them The o…

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