To me, an actual broken heart is a closed heart. An actual broken heart is one that isn't willing to open up again; it is protective, guarded, and walled which can be important for the healing aspect. If you don't have boundaries, if you've been walked on, if you've experienced trauma abuse, there actually is an important boundary that is the complete individualization of self that doesn't allow in anything as you repair. Then you build up some level of confidence, a relationship with self, and a capacity for self through different modalities such as therapy but then you gently walk back into the world protecting and preserving that wholeness. - Mark Groves
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Wellness Force Radio Episode 386
Human Connection Specialist, Creator of the Become Boundaries Badass course, Podcast Host, and Co-Founder of the Do You Mine'd emotional network, Mark Groves, returns to share his own relationship transformations, how to heal from heartbreak, why love can hurt so much, how to navigate through pain and sadness as well as practical tools to help us take ownership within ourselves and our surroundings when relationships end.
How do we create more love
for ourselves, friends and family, and the collective world we live in right now?
Join Josh and Mark as they explore what love actually is, why breakups are not failures and the awakening humanity is experiencing in 2021.
Become A Boundaries Badass!
Get 20% off Mark’s Signature Program: Become a Boundaries Badass! Use code “JOSH20” at checkout HERE
There's no way to sugarcoat this: If you have amazing boundaries, you'll have an amazing life.
And you know what?! Boundaries can be learned!
We'll deep dive into:
- Understanding Boundaries based on the science of attachment, evolution, family dynamics, relationship history and your unique mix of all of them.
- Creating Safety and learning how to have your own back even if it means others walk away.
- Becoming Open and being the curator of what you allow (or don't) into your own life. This means more energy for the things and people you love who love you back!
- Feeling Loved in who you truly are and feeling empowered to move forwards more fully than ever before because you are more yourself than ever before.
- Exercises from Mark to help you start where you are, and build better boundaries from the ground up.
- Deep Dive into what your current boundaries look like (or don't) and a drill down into specific areas of your life that need help right now.
- Worksheets to guide you through how to actually set— and most importantly—stick to healthy boundaries for life.
Are you ready to learn how to take control of your life and stop putting up with less than you deserve?
Listen To Episode 386 As Mark Groves Uncovers:
[1:30] Humanity’s Awakening in 2021
[16:30] The World’s Collective Identity Shift
- The trap of thinking that our beliefs are our identity when we should allow our identity to be fluid.
- 096 Daniel Schmachtenberger
- Exploring all of the identity shifts that are happening around us including the collective identity shift.
- What you will experience in Mark's Become a Boundaries Badass Course including beginning with the end in mind.
- The importance of saving yourself, not waiting for someone else, to create your identity and build that life that you want.
- How Mark has navigated the journey of identity shifting.
- Carl Jung
- Why life’s journey was not created to be understood by the human mind.
- Ram Dass
- Heal Documentary
- Mark’s past as a pharmaceutical rep and how that impacted his thinking.
- How to begin unpacking the generational trauma that has been passed on down to you.
- What steps you can take to let go of unhealthy thought processes including what it means to be valued as a human being.
[24:30] Why Does Love Hurt So Bad?
- Exploring the emotions that we go through as humans when a relationship ends and why love can hurt so bad.
- What his breakup with Kylie was like for him and why he didn’t grieve when their relationship changed.
- Why your heart can still be open as you go through the stages of a relationship ending.
- The Closing Ceremony he had with Kylie and why he shared that with people to show them that the ending of a relationship can actually be the loving choice.
- What can happen if you haven’t processed old grief yet when you’re met with new grief.
- Why you can’t not be in pain if you’re paying attention to what is happening in the world.
- The rabbit holes of addiction to get a dopamine hit and escape from the reality of our modern world.
- Why you can’t turn down one area of your life without turning down all of them.
- The fact that domestic violence, suicide, starvation, and unemployment are happening from lockdowns and people are trying to turn that noise down but they can’t.
- How we end up decreasing our own capacity for empathy.
[31:00] Navigating Through Pain And Sadness
- Why we need to redefine what a broken heart actually is and his own definition of it.
- Breaking down the fact that an actual broken heart is closed, protected, and walled off.
- The more capacity he had after his breakup with Kylie as he breathed into the grief.
- Why he was once afraid of going into silence and stillness out of fear really feeling everything and truly meeting himself there.
- How he was able to step up and let his inner child rest as he, the adult, began to lead his life.
- The guidance he gives to people to help them parent themselves.
- How to reconnect with yourself by acknowledging how you actually feel, think, and belong.
- Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini
- Esther Perel
- Common social customs in the world of relationships that have been passed down for ages and how they’re shifting because of movements like #MeToo.
[44:30] What Love Actually Is
- Unpacking the question: Are you being authentic or a projection of self?
- How to allow your authentic self to be more fluid.
- The difference between feeling guilty, healthy shame, and toxic shame.
- Brené Brown
- Why human behavior is important but it’s not attached to your worth.
- How to differentiate between useful and non-useful feedback.
- Seth Godin
- How he uses what Kylie sees in him to improve being a man.
- An example of how the patriarchy was still operating in their relationship and what kind of dynamic it had created for them.
- Breaking down the primal thoughts and emotions that occur when the masculine is the provider in a relationship.
- Exploring the gift that separated Mark and Kylie that allowed them to integrate, heal, and ultimately be brought back together.
- Mark & Kylie - Let It Burn Pt. 1
- Terri Cole
- Why many people have a fear of getting closer and emotionally expressing themselves.
- The fact that it’s not a relationship if you or your partner feel like they’re a problem or that they’re broken.
- Why letting go of the relationship was the lesson that they both needed to learn and be able to grow on their own.
[54:30] Breakups Are Not Failures
- Breaking down why the end of a relationship should not be seen as a failure.
- Why the end of a relationship can actually be expansive and evidence of humanity growing.
- The fact that it’s wrong to shame people who are divorced or have ended a relationship.
- All of the pressure and judgment that he felt when he broke off his past engagement to another woman and how that sparked the work he is doing now.
- Why it’s healthy to choose yourself and not the relationship in the end.
- How we’ve been wired to want to believe in the myth that relationships last even if it means someone ends up falling apart.
- How romantic partnerships and friendships can be good for our wellbeing if the relationships are actually healthy themselves.
- Why your community should not exile you when you choose yourself and end a relationship.
- The lessons you will receive by learning from others what they’ve uncovered from their breakups.
- What gifts Mark received from breaking up with Kylie including finally not self-abandoning himself.
- How to move forward by letting the hope of your old-ended relationship die.
- The beauty in choosing your partner every single day in liberated love.
- How to show up for your partner every single day, not take them for granted, and honor the present now.
[1:00:00] Become A Boundaries Badass
- How his mission, Create The Love, was born by “turning his mess into his message.”
- Sheri Salata
- How he became his own teacher plus the teachers that have helped him along his journey.
- Why we need teachers in order to remind us that we don’t actually need them.
- The importance of self-trust and why there’s such a lack of it in our society.
- Why he believes that the best teachers are actually students.
- Abraham Hicks
- The fact that you should expect to get triggered and learn on the way to receiving from the universe what you really want.
- How to treat your relationship with sacred respect and keep things to yourself until you’re ready to share them with the world.
- What steps you can take to create trust within yourself to learn from teachers.
- The danger that lies in people teaching you not to trust yourself.
- How you can retrace your steps and recognize where you actually seek the authority of someone else’s opinion about your own life.
- What you can do to separate trauma from the truth.
- How to get out of a space of regret by learning from past experiences.
- How to navigate through all that is happening in the world right now by being conscious of what you give your attention to.
- Frances Weller
- M21 Wellness Guide
- Wellness Force Community
Power Quotes From The Show Healed People Heal People
"Our own journey to healing, responsibility, and self is what heals the world. If you go within yourself, you become a leader, and you step fully into yourself then you are hereby a beacon of model behavior for other people. There's a saying that 'hurt people hurt people,' but also 'healed people heal people." - Mark Groves
The Child Can Rest, The Adult Is Here
"I had this beautiful meditation where I was like, 'The child can rest. The adult is here." I had reached this completion of this initiatory process of really becoming an adult and not letting the kid in me, who wanted to people please and was afraid of being laughed at or not acknowledged, get to me. I realized that those fears were not going to run my life or my relationships or anymore in how I communicate with others." - Mark Groves
Healthy Feedback In Relationships "Some people say there's no such thing as healthy shame but I actually disagree. When you learn that a better behavior is available to you, you're going to experience healthy shame. Toxic shame is 'something is wrong with you.' Behavior is important but it's not attached to your worth so if you can allow yourself to open up to feedback from your partners and friends, you can begin to look at how you can be better. I see everything that my partner sees in me as an opportunity to improve as a human being and as a man." - Mark Groves
Links From Today's Show
About Mark Groves
Relationship expert Mark Groves believes great relationships don’t happen by accident; they happen by choice. He has made it his life’s mission to help people make choices and learn the skills that will lead to a lifetime of health and happiness. With a research-based approach to dating,
Work With Mark
Mark empowers people from all walks of life to take responsible steps toward living well. His passion and leadership shine in both one-on-one coaching sessions and workplace workshops where he inspires positive transformations in how people relate to one another. After years of studying and soul-searching, Mark Groves has become a sought-after expert in human connections, and now he shares impactful words of wisdom to men and women around the world.
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