022 Signs of Dating a Narcissist
Play • 17 min

Today we talk about the little signs and the red flags that we must be aware of when we start dating someone new. Even after a traumatic separation, at some point we need to start meeting new people, but we must have ears and eyes open to the signs of narcissistic behavior, so we know what to do if they keep happening.  

What You Will Learn In This Episode:

  • How we can step out into the dating world after a traumatic experience
  • What is "love bombing" and how to detect it
  • A key red flag - the narcissist’s lack of empathy
  • Gaslighting as the real hallmark of narcissism
  • The "I'm not apologizing" story and why narcissists believe they’re never wrong
  • The importance of having a positive relationship with yourself

The dating world after a divorce or a breakup can be terrifying. But it's important to remember that being with someone is not always better than being single. So if we decide to take a new chance, we must have our narcissistic radar on point to avoid falling into that trap. 

Resources:

Relationship Alive!
Relationship Alive!
Neil Sattin
244: A Practical Approach for Big Changes
When you want to shift something in your life, sometimes the scale of the change can seem daunting. So how do you get from point A to point B (or...point Z) in a way that's actually doable - and sustainable? It can be tempting to take drastic actions to make big changes - but you might sabotage your changes by falling into your old habits. Today we'll talk about how you can create positive changes in your relationship, or something else in your life, in a way that's practical, and relatively easy - no matter how big the change. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Find a quality therapist, online, to support you and work on the places where you’re stuck. For 10% off your first month, visit Betterhelp.com/ALIVE to fill out the quick questionnaire and get paired with a therapist who’s right for you. Resources: Check out my Secrets of Relationship Communication COURSE for a masterclass in how to improve the communication and connection in your relationship. I want to know you better! Take the quick, anonymous, Relationship Alive survey FREE Guide to Neil’s Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner’s Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) Support the podcast (or text “SUPPORT” to 33444) Amazing intro and outro music provided courtesy of The Railsplitters Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. Today's topic is going to be how we can create big changes in our lives, but in ways that are sustainable. Because if you do something big to change your life but then you just fall back into old patterns, well, you're going to get the same results you've always gotten. Do the same thing, get the same results. So how can you create a big change in a way that you're going to be able to keep going, that you're going to be able to follow through on, so that it doesn't become just some other big resolution or a promise that you make to yourself that you can't keep? That is what we are going to talk about in today's episode, and I'm going to use an example from my personal life that I've experienced over the past few months so that you can get a sense of what I'm talking about. Neil Sattin: First, I just want to say thank you for being here with me. This wouldn't be a show without you being here with me to talk about relationship issues, and all these different facets of how to show up more fully in our lives, in our relationship with ourselves and in our relationship with the people who are most important to us. So thank you for being here with me. Neil Sattin: Okay, I think that's it. Let's get on with the show, shall we? So when it comes to making big changes in your life, a lot of people talk about the need to take massive action. If you want radically different results, you have to do things radically differently. And on some level, that's true. And often, taking massive action can sometimes be necessary, because sometimes the changes that you want to make, if you want to, for instance, leave a relationship, those kinds of decisions and choices and actions can feel huge, and you have to do this big thing in order to create some momentum in a new direction. But it can be common for people to take a huge action, to feel all this energy and momentum, maybe you've even gone to some personal development seminar and you come back all pumped for the big things that are going to change in your life, and then day after day, week after week, you find that it's hard to maintain the big change. Neil Sattin: And this sometimes happens. I mentioned the ending of a relationship as an example. It's a good example because sometimes, I'm sure if you haven't experienced this, you've known people who have experienced it, where they take a big action, they decide they're going to leave their relationship, they even announce it to their partner, and then it never quite happens. Or it does happen, but then somehow they end up back together again, and back in the same old patterns that they were always in, and the same old misery, and the same old reasons for not being together in the first place. So it's not all doom and gloom, fortunately, but there has to be something else to back up whatever big changes you are trying to make in your life. Neil Sattin: And those could be big changes like ending a relationship, or it could be big changes like making your relationship better, because maybe you simply want to improve the way things are in your relationship. And this is another thing where it can be like, "Alright, we're going to have a date night every week. We're going to make sure that we take three vacations. We're going to show up every day in ways that are loving and caring." And on and on. "We're going to explore new realms of sexual ecstasy together." But then in the end comes... What is it? After the something, the laundry. Like, there's the day-to-day quality of life and how challenging it can be to sustain anything like that, even if you have the best intentions and the best desires and the most brilliant vision for how you want a thing to be. Neil Sattin: Because the big things are inherently not sustainable, they take lots of energy, they take lots of time, they can take lots of thought and planning. Even though initially they're somewhat abrupt, if you want to keep those things going, then it requires a lot from you, and that's why it's not sustainable. And then you have this other problem, which is... Interested in reading the transcript for the rest of this episode? Click here to download the full transcript of this episode!
43 min
Breakup Recovery Podcast
Breakup Recovery Podcast
Barbara Stevens - Breakups, Separations, Divorce, Self Help, Healing, Survi
#112 How To Survive The Holiday Season As A Single Person with Martha Bodyfelt
As the holiday season is fast approaching anyone who experiencing a breakup, separation or a divorce are possibly dreading this time of the year. Martha offers some practical tips and ideas to get you through not only the holiday season but also any other time of the year that can bring an uprising of emotions. This advice will help you to not only handle your reactions but help in your recovery. Martha’s own marriage ended at the beginning of the holiday season. The hardest part of the breakup was that her ex-husband was not moving out of their apartment for some time. They had decided they would be civil and kind to each other and try and do Christmas as a coupe. This was the worst Christmas, as they were trying to work through the sadness and heartbreak, when this time of the year was supposed to be full of happiness, family and joy. For a couple of Christmas after that Martha stayed in her apartment, as this time bought back all the feelings of pain of the ending of the marriage. Finding a good support system in the form of a therapist helped Martha. It was draining trying to project this image of the perfect wife, the perfect marriage. When she finally was honest with her self and became vulnerable and started telling friends, co-workers and family and not bottling all her emotions up inside of her she began the healing process. Martha started to do things that she felt she couldn’t do when she was in the marriage, She travel to the places she wanted go to and started some of her own traditions. It took a few Christmas to get into the swing of things and the number one thing she had to do was to learn how to manage her expectations at this time of the year. So often when relationships end and it comes to the holidays you can be down on yourself, saying things like why can’t I be happy, why can’t I have this togetherness, why can’t I have the perfect holiday. But if you take a step back and realise that maybe things are going to be a bit more subdued for a while and that’s ok. It’s a matter of having things that are simple and things that you love, if you expect that things are going to be small and simple, then your not going to be disappointed. Martha believes you also have to be careful of your selective memories. Often at this time of the year you can cherry pick all the good and amazing things that happened when you were with your partner during the holiday season. You forget the rest of the story, some of the things that weren’t that good. So often you like to paint the picture that when you were with your partner everything was great and it probably wasn’t, so you have to be honest with yourself and don’t compare yourself and what is happening now with past experiences. During this holiday season put yourself first for a change, do what you want, forget the expectations and traditions that have previously been part of your life. Now is the time to create your own traditions and do what you like and take care of yourself. This is an opportunity to change your outlook into more of a positive one. Instead of seeing this holiday season as a sad and traumatic time you have now been given this gift for you find out what you want to do and how you want to celebrate it. When you are in a relationship you tend to do things as a unit, what is good for the unit, what’s good for your partner, what’s good for the couple. But you have to be careful that you don’t loose yourself and identify when you are in a relationship. When you get out of a relationship you often don’t remember how to putt your self first and find what interests you. Self-care is so important to the recovery process and doing these things that make you happy don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. In life we have to have a balance with everything and the holidays are no different. If you find that the holidays are triggering things for you and the holidays are making it difficult for you to function and you feel that you are getting stuck. Martha encourages you to work with a therapist or join a divorce support group or single support group, that you can lean on and help you through this difficult process after your breakup. There can be many days that will trigger your memories such as your wedding day. Martha offered a way to get through this particular day by thinking of something that happened during that day that you liked a good memory and incorporate that into that day each year. For Martha the good memory of her wedding day was the Greek restaurant that they went to and each year on her anniversary Martha either cooks herself an amazing Greek meal or goes out to a Greek restaurant. So now her anniversary is no longer a day where she mourns the ending of her marriage but a day where she gets to eat amazing Greek food. You can connect with Martha @ survivingyoursplit.com and when you sign up for her newsletter you will get the Ultimate Divorce Goddess Recovery Guide.
23 min
Dating Tips, Relationships & Dating Advice For Single Women Podcast | Magnetize Your Man
Dating Tips, Relationships & Dating Advice For Single Women Podcast | Magnetize Your Man
Antia Boyd - Dating Tips, Relationships & Dating Advice For Single Women
5 Actions That Make Men Lose Interest... Fast!
5 ACTIONS THAT MAKE MEN LOSE INTEREST... FAST! ♥ Get Your FREE "Magnetize Your Man" QUIZ & Personalized Strategy To Make Him Chase You Here! ▶ https://MagnetizeYourMan.com Subscribe For More FREE Training Videos Coming Soon Here! http://bit.ly/2WSL6wO Join Our FREE “Magnetize Your Man” Facebook Dating Support Group For Incredible Support, Accountability & More Bonus Trainings Using The Special Link Here! http://bit.ly/2KVyN0C Subscribe To Our Podcast On iTunes Here: https://apple.co/2MYHM3T On Spotify Here: https://spoti.fi/2QC3x8Y Or On Google Podcasts Here! https://bit.ly/2SEC3QP Get A Copy Of Our New "Magnetize Your Man" BOOK On Amazon Here! https://amzn.to/2UZcmve Get Our "Magnetize Your Man" AUDIOBOOK On Audible Here: http://adbl.co/38uAgoF Follow Antia On Facebook For More FREE Updates & Behind The Scenes Bonuses Here! http://bit.ly/31Kvyz9 Follow Antia On Instagram As Well Here! http://bit.ly/2WR4MX2  💗 About Antia Boyd 💗 I was born in eastern Germany before the wall came down, and was single my ENTIRE LIFE before I finally had an epiphany, a total breakthrough and developed my signature system called the "Magnetize Your Man Method". It's the exact method that I used to attract my handsome, strong & supportive hubby Brody! I’ve now been helping thousands of elite single women all over the world for over a decade to attract the right man for them to share their life with & have a loving relationship ASAP without loneliness, trust issues or wasting time attracting EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MEN! I studied Personality Psychology at U.C. Berkeley, am NLP and Dream Coaching certified and have spoken on hundreds of stages and radio shows all over the world including Harvard University, Google and Good Morning San Diego. I’ve also been featured on ABC Radio, America Trends TV, The Great Love Debate and for over a decade studied EVERYTHING that I could get my hands on in the areas of love, dating and creating an amazing, happy family of your own the easy way without fear, unhealthy relationships or endless dating I now live in the beautiful San Diego area of California with my loving, stable & committed husband of 6 years, and I look forward to helping YOU to feel safe to be open & vulnerable, have fun & travel the world with the ideal guy for you without feeling insecure or choosing the wrong men! 💗 💗 Amazing Client Love Stories & Reviews! 💗 “Hi Antia, my man and I are very happy as we are exploring and enjoy our new life together. Our coaching together was very helpful in my ability to stay centered in the reality of a true intimate loving relationship unfolding. It has also helped me in nurturing it too. Thanks so much for your support!” -A.G. “Hi Antia, One year since the day my fiancee and I met is just around the corner, and we are now married! We are in love and don’t want to live life without one another. I have lived with him for 6 months and have been the happiest I have ever been in my life. Thank you so much for the coaching… I will check in very soon. Lots of love!” -L.W. "Hello Antia, I just wanted to let you know that I met a really great guy.  He has done a lot of personal work and we are enjoying really good communication. I just wanted to thank you for the help and suggestions that you gave me. I am optimistic!!" -D.K. #Dating #DatingTips #DatingAdvice #DatingTipsForWomen #DatingAdviceForWomen #Relationships https://youtu.be/hsf9Qtd-ysU Support the show (https://MagnetizeYourMan.com)
10 min
The Marriage Podcast for Smart People
The Marriage Podcast for Smart People
Caleb & Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele
Why Is My Spouse So Controlling?
There’s a level of control that occurs in relatively few marriages that we would see as part of an abusive power and control dynamic. But then there’s a lower level of control that doesn’t come from an abusive spouse that can still be frustrating and lead to conflict in the marriage. We’ve talked about the abusive kind of control before, so if you want to learn more about that kind of control feel free to go back to our previous episodes of the podcast to learn more about what that looks like.  Today, we’re talking about the annoying kind of controlling. This is not so much about the spouse’s power and dominance as the controlling spouse’s worry, fear, anxiety, and maybe even mental health issues that are driving this behavior. And sometimes the non-controlling spouse may also be acting in ways that prompt this behavior. If you’re listening to this to try to figure out your spouse, you may ask yourself what your role might be and how might you help your spouse feel less of a need to be in control. Where Control Issues Come From 1. Fear Control issues are often rooted in fear. This is the first place to look. If you’re afraid and you want to make it safer, you’re going to want to control the variables. This is quite a common response to fear. Fear can come from a number of different places. One place fear can come from is trauma. When something very frightening or overwhelming happens, it may cause a person to install certain requirements or demands in order to preserve safety. For example, you’ve been in a late night car accident, and you now want to control all of the family travel so that there’s no late-night travel going on and no one is allowed to go out after dark. So now you’ve become “controlling.” You’ve installed requirements or demands on others in order to preserve your sense of safety and well-being, to stop the horror from repeating itself. Another source of control is abandonment (fear of being left alone). If you were left alone at some point as a child or at a point in your marriage, that may result in the kind of controlling behavior where you don’t let your spouse do things on their own or do certain things on their own. You always have to be there, or you always have to do things together. 2. Betrayal Betrayal may also lead to controlling relationships with certain kinds of people in order to prevent re-betrayal. For example, if in your first marriage you were sexually betrayed by your spouse, in your second marriage you may marry a faithful person, but you exert control on them to make sure that that previous betrayal doesn’t re-occur, much to the frustration of your current spouse. That can get difficult because it can cause such distress in your marriage that there’s an emotional separation, or drifting apart that occurs between you. Thus, controlling behavior can lead to further dysfunction.  In another scenario, if you’re a late teenager and you saw your father gamble away your family’s savings and eventually lose the home, job, etc., that’s a major financial betrayal. And later in life when you are a mom you may think you’re a super budgeter, but there’s actually a ton of control over where every penny goes. So, in this situation if the husband buys a chocolate bar and the wife gets upset and he may get frustrated and say “can I not even buy a chocolate bar without asking your permission?” This is clearly a higher level of control than just a healthy budgeting habit. 3. Mental Health Issues Now that we’ve talked about a few fear-related causes of control, we’re going to move on to look at mental health. Some mental health issues can cause controlling behavior. Take personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Someone with BPD may say if you leave, I’ll hurt myself, or I might not be ok somehow (there’s a clinging aspect of BPD that does relate to fear of abandonment, but it is also a mental health condition and the fear piece is a part of...
23 min
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Why Not To Believe The Promise Of Change From A Narcissist - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
People with narcissistic tendencies and traits want to have their way, and want you to do their bidding. If they really, really, really want something, or, if they are really, really, really afraid of losing something, they sometimes promise to change. How many promises has a narcissist--a narcissistic #Hijackal--made to you about changing behaviors? How many of those promises were kept? Right! Not many. Oh, yes, maybe for a hot minute things improved. That is usually to get you to believe that they sincerely mean what they say. The proof, though, is in the long-term, sustained changes. How many of those changes did you see? Learning more about why change isn't sustained is important. BUT, it doesn't excuse it. Save yourself from further emotional abuse. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: * Why admitting a mistake is so difficult for a #narcissist, a #Hijackal * 5 reasons #narcissists will give you the impression they are going to change * Why #narcissists seldom change and narcissistic abuse prevails * Why you get your hopes up when a #Hijackal changes even a little more to the positive * Why toxic relationships stay the same * How promising to change and not doing it contributes to emotional abuse Narcissists are abusive. Their very real fear of closeness gives them little ability or willingness to move in your direction. Promising to change but never actually changing is one way this shows up. See it clearly, even when hope tries to get in your way. You and your children need to be in healthy environments where there is no verbal abuse, no emotional abuse, and no other kind of abuse, either. Big hugs! Rhoberta Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again. FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER... WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp ------------------------------------------------------------- I'M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT! If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships, join my Support Circle now. Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Saturday Support Calls with me. WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Support Circle. Save $24 on your first three months. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- #whynottobelieveanarcissist #promisesofnarcissists #alwaysbelievebehavior #narcissistsseldomchange #dontgetyourhopesup #canIbelieveanarcissistspromises #believinganarcissist #believeanarcissist #promisestochange #narcissistpromisestochange #saveyourselffromabuse #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest  Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
33 min
Sex, Love, and Addiction
Sex, Love, and Addiction
Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW
What is the Concept of ‘Home’, Really?
Dr. Rob does a solo episode this week to talk about the concept of home and what it means to us and how it differs from people who aren’t addicts. No matter where you are, home is meant to be a safe place, but for addicts, it’s a place we run away from. If you grew up in an environment where home was hell, then it makes sense why you never want to go back there. Dr. Rob discusses how you can rebuild and really find ‘HOME’. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] Let’s talk about the concept of home. [2:30] Why do addicts keep running away from home? [4:20] Home is not what kind of furniture you have or what kind of car you drive, or your computer. Home is the people you come home to or that place where you feel like you’re at peace. [4:50] If you have an intimacy disorder, you’re not going to be able to maintain the home you’ve created for yourself as an adult. [5:30] We deeply love the homes we create, but we’re broken people and we’re unable to stay there. [6:25] The minute something goes wrong, we run away. We live double lives. [7:10] While you’re starving for connection, behind you there is a banquet waiting for you. [10:45] We often don’t see what’s right in front of us. [15:10] It makes sense why you want to run away from home. If you grow up in a nightmare, why would you want to stay there as an adult? [18:00] Going ‘home’ for the holidays was just a crazy concept. Home was a scary and unsafe place. [22:30] You can only have one life. Do you want to spend it just running away from everything that’s important to you? [23:00] How can we make home a joyful and exciting place to be? [25:30] When we get caught for our bad behavior, home ends up being another unsafe place for us. But this time, instead of running away, you need to fight your way back to it. [26:55] It’s taken Dr. Rob years to stop running. [29:10] How do you find and rebuild connection again? [32:00] Your life is going to change for the better. Just put in the work. [33:25] The most important word is ‘Home’. RESOURCES: The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency QUOTES: * “Home is the most sacred place in our lives, no matter what kind of foundation that means for us.” * “What addicts and those who cheat and/or are unfaithful do, we leave home like everybody else, but then we never come back.” * “The nature of an intimacy disorder means you’re constantly running away from home. Constantly looking for intensity and distractions because you can’t deal with home.” * “Healthy people don’t have to live a double life.”
35 min
Marriage Helper Live
Marriage Helper Live
Marriage Helper
How to Get My Spouse to Forgive Me - Dr. Joe Beam
You accept responsibility for what you did. You're sorry that you hurt your spouse. You want to put things back together. Not just like it was before but better.  The hurt you see in their eyes hurts you. At times their pain explodes in anger. Sometimes toward you; sometimes toward other things.  You asked your spouse to forgive you. You told them how sorry you are that it happened. Yet your mate isn't reacting as you had hoped. Maybe they said that they can't forgive what you did. Maybe they haven't made a decision but their actions lead you to believe that when they do it isn't going to be good. Is there something you can do? Are there magic words? Actions? Will you have to live like this for years to come? Or are you already thinking that if they can't forgive, you can't stay because the pain you feel is too great? You don't want to live with a person in perpetual misery. Or everlasting anger. You accept that there are consequences to what you did but you don't feel that you can stay in the marriage only to be punished day after day. If you want your spouse to forgive you and move past where you are now, in this program Dr. Joe Beam explains what to do and what NOT to do. Dr. Beam also takes live calls about other relationship issues or advice you wish to ask about. This program begins at 12:30 p.m. Central Time on Monday, August 3, here on BlogTalkRadio. You can also find it live (as well as recorded previous programs and hundreds more marriage and relationship videos) at YouTube.com/MarriageHelper. Call the program live at 657-383-0812. When you hear an answer, press 1 to be put in the queue to speak with Dr. Beam.  Be sure to check out more videos, audios, articles, and other resources for relationships at www.MarriageHelper.com.
1 hr 31 min
More episodes
Search
Clear search
Close search
Google apps
Main menu