Pep Talk: Stop Working On Yourself
Play episode · 9 min

Here's another pep talk for you. Take it easy. You don't need another podcast, book, coaching session, or workshop. You probably need to take a break instead. 

Your life and your relationship cannot be all work and no play. You need rest, relaxation, and fun.  You can work more when you're dead. 


The Flirting with Confidence Course 

Join us:


Join The Lovebird Club

A private community for those who value love, trust, and intimacy. Group support and weekly calls.


For contributing lovebirds only:


Learn more about The Love Drive




Relationship Alive!
Relationship Alive!
Neil Sattin
239: How to Avoid the Negative Bypass
Do you ever feel like you *should* have gotten over something challenging - that you’ve grown, and learned from the experience, but that on some level it still haunts you? Or do you feel inner conflict around decisions that seem like they should be relatively clear-cut? Are you afraid of failure? It could very well be that you have bypassed or suppressed your negative emotions, and that they’re now stuck inside you, wreaking havoc on your inner guidance system. By not facing failures or challenges head on, we actually create an emotional dissonance within ourselves that’s an obstacle to moving forward. Today we’ll talk about how to face things when they’re not quite the way you want them to be - and how to develop the inner honesty that will help you feel aligned and courageous no matter what’s happening in your life. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Find a quality therapist, online, to support you and work on the places where you’re stuck. For 10% off your first month, visit to fill out the quick questionnaire and get paired with a therapist who’s right for you. Resources: Check out my Secrets of Relationship Communication COURSE for a masterclass in how to improve the communication and connection in your relationship. I want to know you better! Take the quick, anonymous, Relationship Alive survey FREE Guide to Neil’s Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner’s Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) Support the podcast (or text “SUPPORT” to 33444) Amazing intro and outro music provided courtesy of The Railsplitters Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. Today is going to be an episode about truth, and more specifically why it is so important for you to be truthful with yourself and why that sometimes means that you have to go negative, and why it's so important to not be bypassing your negative experiences. And I'm talking to you from the perspective of someone who is almost always optimistic about life, even in my darkest moments, I generally am able to look on the bright side, and that's a helpful skill in life. In fact, there's a whole branch of psychology, positive psychology, that is at least in part based on this idea of how we make meaning in the world and trying to make positive meanings out of the things that happen to us and what a difference that makes. However, there is a danger in that skill, and today we're going to talk about what the danger is to make sure that you are not gas-lighting yourself, and instead that you're able to best use the truth for your own growth, and so to really understand what's happening in your life right now, because it can be so easy to miss what's challenging, what's truly challenging for the sake of a quick silver lining. Neil Sattin: All right, let's dive into the topic at hand. So what is true? When you look at your life, you don't want to make things out to be worse than they are, you don't want to make mountains out of molehills, as they say, but you also don't necessarily want to make things out to be better than they are. In a way where we've been having in our world today sort of a crisis of truth, what do you believe, and we could have all kinds of conversations about how to figure out what the facts are in the outside world, but today we're going to talk about what the facts are in your inner world, and why that is so important for you. You want to be able to face your failures. And failure is a charged word. I mean, a few episodes ago, you may have heard in my session with David Burns where I confronted this idea that I was a failure and it was one of the negative thoughts, the pernicious negative thoughts that was bringing me down and contributing to my being overwhelmed with the sheer number of things that I had to do. Neil Sattin: And yet... And David and working with me did a really effective job of helping me bust through the negative thought, the cognitive distortion in order to get what was true. And that is super important work. This today's episode is not about suddenly everyone becoming pessimists or for you to suddenly be shitting on yourself all the time. That's not what today's episode is about. However, sometimes when you're looking at reality, you have to admit that the reality isn't what you wanted it to be. And just kind of a quick cursory noticing of that might not really be enough for some important reasons. Neil Sattin: Now, it might be enough to recognize that your life isn't the way that you want it to be, that something really sucks for just a moment in order to get resourceful and start strategizing about ways to change things, and if you are anything like me, and I know that because you're here listening, you are at least a growth-minded person, then that might be something that's relatively easy for you, "This sucks, how am I going to make it better?" And then you start strategizing. But the problem with that is that there is a place in us where the hurt, where the sadness, where the anger, where all of the feelings that are stirred up by the results that we are getting in our lives that don't quite line up with what we wanted, whether it's through our actions or through the actions of others, there's a place in us where those negative feelings live... Interested in reading the transcript for the rest of this episode? Click here to download the full transcript of this episode!
39 min
Breakup Recovery Podcast
Breakup Recovery Podcast
Barbara Stevens - Breakups, Separations, Divorce, Self Help, Healing, Survi
#112 How To Survive The Holiday Season As A Single Person with Martha Bodyfelt
As the holiday season is fast approaching anyone who experiencing a breakup, separation or a divorce are possibly dreading this time of the year. Martha offers some practical tips and ideas to get you through not only the holiday season but also any other time of the year that can bring an uprising of emotions. This advice will help you to not only handle your reactions but help in your recovery. Martha’s own marriage ended at the beginning of the holiday season. The hardest part of the breakup was that her ex-husband was not moving out of their apartment for some time. They had decided they would be civil and kind to each other and try and do Christmas as a coupe. This was the worst Christmas, as they were trying to work through the sadness and heartbreak, when this time of the year was supposed to be full of happiness, family and joy. For a couple of Christmas after that Martha stayed in her apartment, as this time bought back all the feelings of pain of the ending of the marriage. Finding a good support system in the form of a therapist helped Martha. It was draining trying to project this image of the perfect wife, the perfect marriage. When she finally was honest with her self and became vulnerable and started telling friends, co-workers and family and not bottling all her emotions up inside of her she began the healing process. Martha started to do things that she felt she couldn’t do when she was in the marriage, She travel to the places she wanted go to and started some of her own traditions. It took a few Christmas to get into the swing of things and the number one thing she had to do was to learn how to manage her expectations at this time of the year. So often when relationships end and it comes to the holidays you can be down on yourself, saying things like why can’t I be happy, why can’t I have this togetherness, why can’t I have the perfect holiday. But if you take a step back and realise that maybe things are going to be a bit more subdued for a while and that’s ok. It’s a matter of having things that are simple and things that you love, if you expect that things are going to be small and simple, then your not going to be disappointed. Martha believes you also have to be careful of your selective memories. Often at this time of the year you can cherry pick all the good and amazing things that happened when you were with your partner during the holiday season. You forget the rest of the story, some of the things that weren’t that good. So often you like to paint the picture that when you were with your partner everything was great and it probably wasn’t, so you have to be honest with yourself and don’t compare yourself and what is happening now with past experiences. During this holiday season put yourself first for a change, do what you want, forget the expectations and traditions that have previously been part of your life. Now is the time to create your own traditions and do what you like and take care of yourself. This is an opportunity to change your outlook into more of a positive one. Instead of seeing this holiday season as a sad and traumatic time you have now been given this gift for you find out what you want to do and how you want to celebrate it. When you are in a relationship you tend to do things as a unit, what is good for the unit, what’s good for your partner, what’s good for the couple. But you have to be careful that you don’t loose yourself and identify when you are in a relationship. When you get out of a relationship you often don’t remember how to putt your self first and find what interests you. Self-care is so important to the recovery process and doing these things that make you happy don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. In life we have to have a balance with everything and the holidays are no different. If you find that the holidays are triggering things for you and the holidays are making it difficult for you to function and you feel that you are getting stuck. Martha encourages you to work with a therapist or join a divorce support group or single support group, that you can lean on and help you through this difficult process after your breakup. There can be many days that will trigger your memories such as your wedding day. Martha offered a way to get through this particular day by thinking of something that happened during that day that you liked a good memory and incorporate that into that day each year. For Martha the good memory of her wedding day was the Greek restaurant that they went to and each year on her anniversary Martha either cooks herself an amazing Greek meal or goes out to a Greek restaurant. So now her anniversary is no longer a day where she mourns the ending of her marriage but a day where she gets to eat amazing Greek food. You can connect with Martha @ and when you sign up for her newsletter you will get the Ultimate Divorce Goddess Recovery Guide.
23 min
The Confidence Chronicles
The Confidence Chronicles
Erika The Queen of Confidence
Women Supporting Women with Gabrielle Thomas - BIZ SERIES
I’ve got such a treat for you ladies today with another business series episode. I’m talking to the amazing powerhouse, Gabrielle Thomas. Gabrielle is an absolute boss who is dedicated to supporting women in small business. She focuses on helping women of colour excel and “edit” their businesses so that they can get laser-focused and achieve results. We went deep into so many topics in this episode and Gabrielle also shared her raw and real story that lead her to where she is today. With fifteen years of working as a therapist in mental health and addictions, fourteen years of professional coaching and seven years of working on the business side of things.  In the last three years Gabrielle is best known for her (simple gets paid) straight talk business coaching.  Gabrielle works to empower all women, but especially women of colour.  Featured by Marie Forleo, Australia’s Queen of Confidence, and on dozens of podcasts in the health, business and wellness genres, Gabrielle is the founder of Less Caption More Action, a global initiative focused on the economic empowerment of underrepresented communities. * * *Where to Find Gabrielle Thomas:* ** * Join the Waitlist to **BUY MY BOOK**!* * *Instagram: **@thequeenofconfidence* * *Facebook: **@Theconfidencequeen* * *YouTube: **The Queen Of Confidence* * *LinkedIn: *** * *Sistahood Program: *** * *Website: ***
48 min
The Adult Chair
The Adult Chair
Michelle Chalfant
232: Overcoming Relationship PTSD
We all know a bad relationship can wreak havoc on our lives, from our self-esteem to our goals and dreams. But most of us don’t know that the effects of a bad relationship can linger long after the breakup. Yes, relationship PTSD is a real thing! PTSD (or post-traumatic stress disorder) is not just reserved for the traumas of war or the “big” obvious traumas. Anyone can suffer from PTSD, and if you have lived in a toxic or abusive relationship for any amount of time, you might find yourself suffering from fear, stress or hypervigilance in relationships even after you’ve “moved on.” On today’s show, I’m bringing back my friend, Tracy, who has shared in past episodes about her marriage with a narcissist, the process of leaving that relationship and beginning to date again. As she began exploring new relationships, she caught herself unconsciously bracing for the worst or expecting new partners to act like her ex. She had no idea she had PTSD until she and I talked about what was going on — and today, she is bravely and vulnerably sharing her experience to help shed light on this important topic. Listen to discover: * The difference between “little t” trauma and “big T” trauma and why both can create PTSD * What PTSD is * The signs of relationship PTSD * The role of the body in healing PTSD * Practical tools and tips to overcome PTSD Not only does Tracy help us understand what relationship PTSD is and how it can show up in our lives, but she also shares her journey of healing and what she has used to make AMAZING and fast progress in overcoming PTSD. This episode is packed with tools from The Adult Chair that will help you heal stored trauma and move forward into a brighter and happier relationship future. “When you have fear about a past event that has already happened, that’s the biggest sign to me.” - Tracy “With trauma we’re stuck in the past, and the body doesn’t understand that we’ve moved forward in time.” - Michelle Chalfant “Instead of being who we really are, we become that person who walks on eggshells to not upset them and we lose ourselves.” - Michelle Chalfant “I had to be ok with myself outside of that relationship.” - Tracy “The right person will wait for you.” - Michelle Resources Episode #179: I’m in a Relationship with a Narcissist Episode #199: Dating from The Adult Chair I’m Ok Course 30-Day Journaling Challenge The Adult Chair Membership Inner Child Resource More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website The Adult Chair Membership The Adult Chair Workshop The Adult Chair Coaching Certification Stay Connected Instagram: Facebook: The Adult Chair Facebook Group: YouTube: *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at
45 min
More episodes
Clear search
Close search
Google apps
Main menu