Free Love Advice: Dating Unavailable People
12 min

Are you dating someone who's not quite right for you? Do they satisfy your needs in one way but not in the way that's important to you? Well, I would say, "join the club". This episode is for everyone who's dating someone that can't really give them what they're looking for.

If you'd like your very own free love advice, head over to thelovedrive.com/freeloveadvice to find out how I can help. 

Memory: How to Develop, Train and Use It by ATKINS
Memory: How to Develop, Train and Use It by ATKINS
Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC
The Dark Tetrad: Possibly THE Scariest Boss
No matter what the profession, if a boss has this personality combination, they are terrifying. The Dark Tetrad is composed of four parts: narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and sadism. Sadism is the addition to the Dark Triad which has narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy. For either condition, this means a person possesses the characteristics of all of these personalities. The Dark Tetrad shares two major characteristics: extreme selfishness and a lack of empathy for others. This combination affords the ability to cause harm and abuse others in a variety of ways without any regard for the feelings, safety, or morality of the victims. As bosses, they are focused on dominance and power often using aggression, manipulation, exploitation, and vindictiveness. All behavior is justified if it grants them what they want, including criminal acts. Narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a DSM-V diagnosis. Generally speaking, they are superior, grandiose, demanding, prideful, boastful, arrogant, and self-centered. They need and expect constant admiration, attention, and affection. They can be abusive when threatened or their needs aren’t being met. The disorder is both inherited and developed in childhood. Machiavellianism. Prince Machiavelli wrote the Italian book The Prince in the 1500s. It outlines a political philosophy on how rulers are to govern their subjects. Machiavellianism is the adaptation of this philosophy into a personality and as such is a personality construct not a disorder. Therefore, it is not inherited; rather it is a learned behavioral pattern. Machiavellians are manipulative, exploitative of others, cynical, deceptive and believe it is better to be feared than loved. Unlike Narcissists, they do not make exaggerated claims about their significance or accomplishments. Unlike Psychopaths and Sadists, they are too calculating to risk vengeful or cruel behavior unless there is a specific gain. Psychopathy. Psychopaths are under the Anti-Social Personality Disorder umbrella listed in the DSM-V along with Sociopaths and Sadists. A psychopath has the ability to create an entire persona in direct contrast to who they really are. They are very calculating, callous, without a conscience, pathological liars, remorse-free, and dangerous. Their personality is both inherited and developed through a traumatic and abusive childhood. Psychopaths, unlike Machiavellians and Narcissists, can instantly read the emotions of others and calculate how to use it to their advantage without any emotional response. They have no problem hurting others, but it is always for a purpose, unlike Sadists. Sadism. Sadists are a part of Anti-Social Personality Disorder now. In the past, they had a separate diagnosis under the old DSM formats. The name Sadism comes from Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) a French philosopher and writer. His works combined philosophy with sexual fantasies and violent behavior. Sadists are individuals who crave cruelty. It is not clear whether this behavior is inherited, developed or learned. Not all sadism is sexual or involves killing, rather it is about inflicting pain on others that Sadists find exciting or pleasurable. Unlike Psychopaths, they are not as calculating about the abusive behavior, instead, it is all self-pleasuring. Identifying. Jonason and Webster devised a quick scale called the Dirty Dozen which can help to spot a Triad boss. Each item is rated on a 7-point scale as it applies to the person. I tend to manipulate others to get my way. I tend to lack remorse. I tend to want others to admire me. I tend to be unconcerned with the morality of my actions. I have used deceit or lied to get my way. I tend to be callous or insensitive. I have used flattery to get my way. I tend to seek prestige or status. I tend to be cynical. I tend to exploit others toward my own end. I tend to expect special favors from others. I want others to pay attention to me. The higher the score, the more likely the person is a Triad. Unfortunately, there is no scale yet to measure the Tetrad, as Sadists can be difficult to spot. The bottom line is: a boss with these characteristics can and will make work hellish. It is better to work in a lesser occupation than to put up with the abuse on a daily basis.
16 min
Addiction Unlimited Podcast | Alcoholism | Life Coach | Living Sober | 12 Steps
Addiction Unlimited Podcast | Alcoholism | Life Coach | Living Sober | 12 Steps
Angela Pugh
Protect Your Sobriety Through Holiday Stress
Holiday season comes the same time every year, there is no excuse for not being prepared. This season will probably be a little different because of corona virus but don't sit back and do nothing, and wait for the overwhelm to crush you when you know it’s coming! Holiday stress isn’t only about the parties and drinking. There is added stress of preparation for travel or people staying in your home, any cooking or baking you are doing, the grocery shopping for all the cooking and baking, and of course the holiday gift shopping! Being surrounded by family members we don’t know all that well, being in crowds, social anxiety- all of it is exaggerated and at a higher level than normal. Did I even mention the financial stress of all of that??? Money, money, money going out every direction. What I want you to focus on the next couple of weeks is getting a plan together for yourself. Not just thinking about it haphazardly, but really mapping out a plan to protect yourself, your sobriety, and keep your stress manageable so you don’t end up vulnerable to the drink. When we are rundown, physically tired, emotionally exhausted, stressed out, spread thin- this is when we are most vulnerable to drinking. When you are compromised and exhausted, this is when the committee has it’s best opportunity to break you down and talk you into a drink. I’m going to give you an action list- don’t F around and put it off and never do it. If you want to protect your sobriety and stay sober then you’ll take the action necessary to do so. Sober People Gift List:  https://www.myrecoverytoolbox.com/blog/giftlist Join the Facebook group:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/addictionunlimited Powerless and Powerful Guided Recovery Journal: https://www.myrecoverytoolbox.com/powerless-and-powerful-recovery-journal
36 min
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Narcissistic Folks: Unable Or Unwilling To Empathize?
Lack of empathy in one partner creates a deficit that the other partner cannot fill...no matter how hard one tries! Learn more about the differences in functioning, and the decisions #Hijackals and other narcissistic people make about demonstrating empathy. Eye-opening!  Empathy is the ability to identify what someone is thinking or feeling, and then to be able to respond to THEIR thoughts and feelings with an appropriate response. Can the person you have in mind do this? When do they do this? What's up when they do this? #Hijackals are notoriously self-focused and self-referential. Everything revolves around them in a world that works for them, right? How they express, use, and manipulate by the use of empathy, or empathy like, patterns is important to recognize. I think it will be clear after you listen to this episode. Big hugs! Rhoberta HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: * Do narcissistic people like #Hijackals have empathy? * How narcissists use empathy * How you can be fooled--lulled, even--into believing a Hijackal has empathy * What's required to have empathy * How narcissistic, psychopathic, and sociopathic people use empathy for their own ends * What to watch for now that you know how you may be being manipulated Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again. FOLLOW DR. SHALER... WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.com PODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.com FACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctor TWITTER: https://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler LINKEDIN: https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler INSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler PINTEREST: https://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShaler YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp ------------------------------------------------------------- I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT! If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Support Circles now. Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Saturday Support Calls with me. WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Relationship Help Circles. Save $24 on your first three months. Safely off social media. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- #empathy #lackingempathy #donarcissistslackempathy #unwillingtobeempathetic #arenarcissistsempathetic #donarcissistshavempathy #dohijackalshavempathy #arehijackalsempathetic #dohijackalslackempathy #hehasnoempathy #shehasnoempathy #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest   Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
27 min
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW
#115-ENCORE-If I'm Triggered, Are You Responsible?
When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune in to learn about triggers, boundaries, and how to respond when you feel triggered. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #78: * Triggers are individual and unique to each person, and the possible ways to be triggered are almost endless. * Thoughts create emotions, but emotions can also create thoughts. Each of us has emotions just underneath the surface waiting for something in the external world that will activate or stimulate them. * You have a right to your opinion, to express yourself, and to ask someone to do something differently if you’re triggered. However, the other person isn’t responsible for your trigger, and they aren’t obligated to change so you won’t be triggered. * When you get triggered and want to critique the other person, ask yourself what is your intention. Often, it’s to be right, to shame the other person, and/or to prove them uninformed or ignorant. Highlights from Episode #78: * Welcome to Episode 78, where we’ll cover the question of whether someone else is responsible if you get triggered. Vicki takes a moment to clarify what she means by “triggers.” [00:39] * Vicki addresses how triggers are related to boundaries, specifically the listening boundary. She then explains why she has been reluctant to talk about this question of triggers, and why she’s covering it now. [07:39] * We hear about a conversation that Vicki had with her publisher related to using the word “bitchy,” and a seemingly hypocritical decision that could have been a trigger, but wasn't. [10:29] * When we get triggered (like by one of the words Vicki has been talking about), who is responsible? Vicki then talks about the idea in that currently in the US there is a lot of external pressure to hold certain attitudes or to be educated in specific ways in order to be accepted or considered "woke." [19:06] * You have a right to your opinion and to ask people to do things differently. [22:40] * Triggers aren’t universal; they’re unique to each person and even situation. Vicki offers examples to clarify. [24:09] * Vicki offers specific advice for what to do when you feel triggered and want to critique the other person. [28:36] Links and Resources: * Vicki Tidwell Palmer * Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer * 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier * Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram * Clarity Circle * Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins M.D. Ph.D * Pia Mellody * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 37: The Listening Boundary Part I * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 39: The Listening Boundary Part 2: How It Works * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 40: The Listening Boundary Part 3: High Quality Listening = Higher Quality Responses * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 32: Boundaries Quick Tips #1: So, You’re Offended? * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 19: When They Go Low… We Go Lower
38 min
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony, CPCC
Co-parenting During the Holidays, During a Pandemic with Michelle Dempsey-Multack
Doing the holidays and divorce — at the best of times — can be super complicated. Co-parenting during the holidays during a pandemic? What a shitshow, amiright? Well, it doesn’t have to be. This week, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins me to offer tips and advice on how to handle the holidays during this crazy time. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. There is no guidebook for parenting during a pandemic. But through our conversation, we hope you find some insight, inspiration, and tips to help you move through the upcoming season with confidence and grace. Show Highlights * The shift in the divorce and co-parenting space and the role COVID-19 plays. (3:35) * How to have an uncomfortable conversation that is non-threatening about making the holidays safe for your children. (8:49) * Distinguish between the ex-partner who will balk about everything vs the ex-partner who is truthly concerned because they deem your actions as reckless. (12:06) * Uncomfortable conversations lead to comfortable situations. (14:16) * You can’t tell COVID to go away because it would make divorce easier. But COVID is forcing new divorcees to slow down post-divorce. (15:33) * Some tips on how to handle the holidays as co-parents, including how to share or split holidays. (24:48) * Make your goal about you, moving on in a healthy way and doing what is best for your children. (34:57) * Creating new holidays and traditions for yourself, post-divorce. (35:10) Learn More About Michelle Dempsey: Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie. Resources & Links: Michelle’s website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook Mom’s Moving On Podcast Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
43 min
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