Pep Talk: Stop Saying Yes To Everything
16 min

Please, for the love of everything that is good, stop saying yes to stuff you should be saying no.

When you say no to someone, you are saying yes to yourself, and you should be doing it more. 

Be intensely protective of your time and energy; it's a finite resource. 

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Memory: How to Develop, Train and Use It by ATKINS
Memory: How to Develop, Train and Use It by ATKINS
Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC
The Dark Tetrad: Possibly THE Scariest Boss
No matter what the profession, if a boss has this personality combination, they are terrifying. The Dark Tetrad is composed of four parts: narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and sadism. Sadism is the addition to the Dark Triad which has narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy. For either condition, this means a person possesses the characteristics of all of these personalities. The Dark Tetrad shares two major characteristics: extreme selfishness and a lack of empathy for others. This combination affords the ability to cause harm and abuse others in a variety of ways without any regard for the feelings, safety, or morality of the victims. As bosses, they are focused on dominance and power often using aggression, manipulation, exploitation, and vindictiveness. All behavior is justified if it grants them what they want, including criminal acts. Narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a DSM-V diagnosis. Generally speaking, they are superior, grandiose, demanding, prideful, boastful, arrogant, and self-centered. They need and expect constant admiration, attention, and affection. They can be abusive when threatened or their needs aren’t being met. The disorder is both inherited and developed in childhood. Machiavellianism. Prince Machiavelli wrote the Italian book The Prince in the 1500s. It outlines a political philosophy on how rulers are to govern their subjects. Machiavellianism is the adaptation of this philosophy into a personality and as such is a personality construct not a disorder. Therefore, it is not inherited; rather it is a learned behavioral pattern. Machiavellians are manipulative, exploitative of others, cynical, deceptive and believe it is better to be feared than loved. Unlike Narcissists, they do not make exaggerated claims about their significance or accomplishments. Unlike Psychopaths and Sadists, they are too calculating to risk vengeful or cruel behavior unless there is a specific gain. Psychopathy. Psychopaths are under the Anti-Social Personality Disorder umbrella listed in the DSM-V along with Sociopaths and Sadists. A psychopath has the ability to create an entire persona in direct contrast to who they really are. They are very calculating, callous, without a conscience, pathological liars, remorse-free, and dangerous. Their personality is both inherited and developed through a traumatic and abusive childhood. Psychopaths, unlike Machiavellians and Narcissists, can instantly read the emotions of others and calculate how to use it to their advantage without any emotional response. They have no problem hurting others, but it is always for a purpose, unlike Sadists. Sadism. Sadists are a part of Anti-Social Personality Disorder now. In the past, they had a separate diagnosis under the old DSM formats. The name Sadism comes from Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) a French philosopher and writer. His works combined philosophy with sexual fantasies and violent behavior. Sadists are individuals who crave cruelty. It is not clear whether this behavior is inherited, developed or learned. Not all sadism is sexual or involves killing, rather it is about inflicting pain on others that Sadists find exciting or pleasurable. Unlike Psychopaths, they are not as calculating about the abusive behavior, instead, it is all self-pleasuring. Identifying. Jonason and Webster devised a quick scale called the Dirty Dozen which can help to spot a Triad boss. Each item is rated on a 7-point scale as it applies to the person. I tend to manipulate others to get my way. I tend to lack remorse. I tend to want others to admire me. I tend to be unconcerned with the morality of my actions. I have used deceit or lied to get my way. I tend to be callous or insensitive. I have used flattery to get my way. I tend to seek prestige or status. I tend to be cynical. I tend to exploit others toward my own end. I tend to expect special favors from others. I want others to pay attention to me. The higher the score, the more likely the person is a Triad. Unfortunately, there is no scale yet to measure the Tetrad, as Sadists can be difficult to spot. The bottom line is: a boss with these characteristics can and will make work hellish. It is better to work in a lesser occupation than to put up with the abuse on a daily basis.
16 min
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Narcissistic Folks: Unable Or Unwilling To Empathize?
Lack of empathy in one partner creates a deficit that the other partner cannot matter how hard one tries! Learn more about the differences in functioning, and the decisions #Hijackals and other narcissistic people make about demonstrating empathy. Eye-opening!  Empathy is the ability to identify what someone is thinking or feeling, and then to be able to respond to THEIR thoughts and feelings with an appropriate response. Can the person you have in mind do this? When do they do this? What's up when they do this? #Hijackals are notoriously self-focused and self-referential. Everything revolves around them in a world that works for them, right? How they express, use, and manipulate by the use of empathy, or empathy like, patterns is important to recognize. I think it will be clear after you listen to this episode. Big hugs! Rhoberta HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: * Do narcissistic people like #Hijackals have empathy? * How narcissists use empathy * How you can be fooled--lulled, even--into believing a Hijackal has empathy * What's required to have empathy * How narcissistic, psychopathic, and sociopathic people use empathy for their own ends * What to watch for now that you know how you may be being manipulated Want clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97 CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again. FOLLOW DR. SHALER... WEBSITE: PODCAST: FACEBOOK: TWITTER: LINKEDIN: INSTAGRAM: PINTEREST: YOUTUBE: ------------------------------------------------------------- I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT! If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Support Circles now. Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Saturday Support Calls with me. WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler's Relationship Help Circles. Save $24 on your first three months. Safely off social media. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- #empathy #lackingempathy #donarcissistslackempathy #unwillingtobeempathetic #arenarcissistsempathetic #donarcissistshavempathy #dohijackalshavempathy #arehijackalsempathetic #dohijackalslackempathy #hehasnoempathy #shehasnoempathy #savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequest   Support this show See for privacy and opt-out information.
27 min
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries
Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW
#115-ENCORE-If I'm Triggered, Are You Responsible?
When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune in to learn about triggers, boundaries, and how to respond when you feel triggered. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #78: * Triggers are individual and unique to each person, and the possible ways to be triggered are almost endless. * Thoughts create emotions, but emotions can also create thoughts. Each of us has emotions just underneath the surface waiting for something in the external world that will activate or stimulate them. * You have a right to your opinion, to express yourself, and to ask someone to do something differently if you’re triggered. However, the other person isn’t responsible for your trigger, and they aren’t obligated to change so you won’t be triggered. * When you get triggered and want to critique the other person, ask yourself what is your intention. Often, it’s to be right, to shame the other person, and/or to prove them uninformed or ignorant. Highlights from Episode #78: * Welcome to Episode 78, where we’ll cover the question of whether someone else is responsible if you get triggered. Vicki takes a moment to clarify what she means by “triggers.” [00:39] * Vicki addresses how triggers are related to boundaries, specifically the listening boundary. She then explains why she has been reluctant to talk about this question of triggers, and why she’s covering it now. [07:39] * We hear about a conversation that Vicki had with her publisher related to using the word “bitchy,” and a seemingly hypocritical decision that could have been a trigger, but wasn't. [10:29] * When we get triggered (like by one of the words Vicki has been talking about), who is responsible? Vicki then talks about the idea in that currently in the US there is a lot of external pressure to hold certain attitudes or to be educated in specific ways in order to be accepted or considered "woke." [19:06] * You have a right to your opinion and to ask people to do things differently. [22:40] * Triggers aren’t universal; they’re unique to each person and even situation. Vicki offers examples to clarify. [24:09] * Vicki offers specific advice for what to do when you feel triggered and want to critique the other person. [28:36] Links and Resources: * Vicki Tidwell Palmer * Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer * 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier * Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram * Clarity Circle * Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins M.D. Ph.D * Pia Mellody * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 37: The Listening Boundary Part I * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 39: The Listening Boundary Part 2: How It Works * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 40: The Listening Boundary Part 3: High Quality Listening = Higher Quality Responses * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 32: Boundaries Quick Tips #1: So, You’re Offended? * Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 19: When They Go Low… We Go Lower
38 min
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