John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast
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Are you looking for faith-friendly insights on how to manage stress, anxiety, or depression? Maybe you are searching for ways to improve your relationships or just looking for ways to become more effective in your day-to-day living. John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast may be what you are looking for. With an average running time of 10-12 minutes, John combines his skills as a senior-level clinician, Work-Life Consultant, and ordained minister. The information in Resilient Solutions can improve your personal life, enhance your relationships, and enrich your business endeavors. CONTACT JOHN. Email: john@johnthurman.info or text him @ 505-306-0395 or call 505-343-2011.
Available episodes
Newest first
Oldest first
May 10, 2023
Understanding the Power of Focus in Your Life
One of the questions I ask many clients is, “What is your purpose or mission in life?”
The inquiry usually leads to a pause, and they often say, “I’ve never been asked that question before.” If they have a church background, they say something like, “To love and serve God” or “To get married and raise a family.” But for the most part, they lack a personal mission statement or a clearly defined purpose. They usually need more focus, and a specific point to aim for.
Focus is essential to living an intentional life because it allows us to be mindful of our actions and make decisions that serve our highest purpose. When we focus on doing what is necessary for growth, transformation, and success, we can create a more meaningful existence for ourselves.
To learn more
John Thurman
www.johnthurman.info
505-343-2011
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May 8, 2023
Five Ways to Improve Your Relationship
* Watch out for anger.
* Get closer to your partner.
* Be creative in finding ways to support your partner and grow your relationship.
* Integrate fun, special days into your routine.
* For Guys only - get off the couch and engage with your wife.
By the way, be sure to download my 21 Ways to Improve Your Marriage ebook.
Here is a link to the entire article.
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Apr 20, 2023
4 Proven Tips to Develop Strong Kids and Teens
Here are the 4 Tips - Be sure to check out the entire article to learn the right way to encourage your kids.
Tip# 1 - Model Resilience
Tip# 2 - Raise a Problem Solver
Tip# 4 - Praise Your Child Purposefully and Intentionally
Tip# 4- Set the Pace, be the Example because these life skills are more caught than taught.
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Apr 8, 2023
Seven Ways to Help Your Kids be Strong and Resilient Part 2
In the last episode, I discussed 4 points:
1. We need to help our children become treasure hunters and not trash collectors.
2. We want to teach and model optimism to our kids, and show them how being made in God's image can make a positive difference in the world.
3. You and I want to encourage our kids to do their best and to achieve what they can while helping others.
4. We want to remind them that failure is not final, only an opportunity to learn and do better.
In part two, of this episode, I cover the remaining three points about raising resilient kids.
1. Both teach and model the importance of living a life of integrity.
2. Show your children the importance of taking full responsibility for their actions.
3. Help them understand the power of community and connection.
Link to the article
Next Week: 4 Practical, Proven Strategies to Build Your Child's Resilience and Improved Their Self-Esteem.
Contact info: www.johnthurman.info
Office: 505-343-2011
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Mar 24, 2023
Seven Ways to Help Your Child be Strong and Resilient Pt 1
Point # 1
There are two basic types of people in the world—those who edify and build up and those who detract and tear down. Choose to be the former. One of our goals as caring adults is to teach our kids that the best way to develop a happy, intentional, successful life is through their achievements and contributions toward the betterment of others.
Point # 2
We have to teach our kids to be optimists and believe that as individuals created in the image of God, they have the creative power to make a difference in this world.
Point # 3
Seeking to achieve in your personal life and contribute to the betterment of others is not an easy path.
“Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.”
Robert Kennedy.
We must both model and teach our children that anything worth doing or having is worth potentially failing for.
Point # 4
How do we operationally define failure? First, failure is never final. We must instill in our children that failure is not a lack of achievement. Failure is determined by the lack of effort or refusal to try. Life is filled with scary and sometimes tough decisions; they need to learn how to make the best decisions given the information they have at a given moment.
Don't allow decision constipation to steal your capacity to make wise, life-enriching decisions. Refuse to become a victim of failure.
* “*I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
The Apostle Paul – Philippians 3:14 ESV
Link to article
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Feb 23, 2023
Is it Teen Moodiness or Depression
A recent Pew Research study has shown that 76% of parents are concerned about their children’s mental health, particularly depression, and anxiety. This is a worrying figure, as it indicates that many parents are unaware of the signs and symptoms of depression in their children. Parents need to understand how to recognize if their child is depressed or suicidal so that they can get the help they need.
In mid-February, numerous news outlets reported an alarming number of teens are feeling depressed and suicidal, and teen girls are at the highest risk
According to a CDC Report reported by FOX News, released earlier this year:
*Fifty-seven percent of high school females reported feeling sadness or hopelessness in 2021*, a 58 percent increase from 36 percent in 2011.
*Thirty percent of females seriously considered attempting suicide in 2021*, an almost 60 percent increase from 19 percent in 2011.
*Twenty-four percent *of females made a suicide plan in 2021, a 60 percent increase from 15 percent in 2011.
How would you know if your teen is depressed? Listen, read, and learn!
Learn more by reading the entire article with links
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Feb 13, 2023
How to Overcome Old Wounds with Resilience
Resistance
Resistance is essentially stress inoculation. It refers to the ability of an individual, group, organization, or even an entire population to resist manifestations of clinical distress, impairment, or dysfunction associated with critical incidents, terrorism, and even mass disasters. Resistance is a form of psychological/behavioral immunity to distress and dysfunction.
Resilience
The second is resilience. According to Dr. George Bonanno, resilience is a naturally-occurring tool most people have always had in their psychological lockers, which is enhanced or weakened by experience and circumstances. In a nutshell, resilience is the power to overcome adversity, trauma, and low self-esteem and to be strengthened.
My friend, trauma survivor, and fellow author Danielle Bernock says, “To be resilient is the ability to thrive instead of being traumatized.”
5 Tips for Dealing with Trauma
Tip # 1 – Supervise your self-talk.
Tip # 2 – Stop comparing yourself to others.
Tip#3 – Stretch your limiting beliefs.
Tip # 4 – Build up others.
Tip# 5 – Get help.
Here is a link to the blog
Blessings,
John Thurman
www.johnthurman.info
Email: john@johnthurman.info
Upcoming Events with John
Feb 26th - Dealing with Anxiety - Sunday, February 26th @ Grace Church 9:00 and 10:30 am. Church is located @ 6901 San Antonio NE, ABQ. This is a public event
March 3rd and 5th - Marriage and Family Conference - Evangel Christian Center 4901 Montgomery Blvd NE, here is the link. This is a public event.
March 25th - Book Signing - Bibles Plus 2740 Wyoming NE Times TBA
April 1st - Mental Health for Church Security Teams - Private event
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Jan 25, 2023
How to Deal with Old Wounds: A Biblical Perspective Pt 1
Every one of us has been injured by life. How to Deal with Old Wounds: A Biblical Perspective is the first of a three-part series to give you some tools to help you become more resilient as you work through life’s challenges with the Lord’s help.
*Four Reasons Men Don’t Deal with Wounds*
There are several reasons but in this article, I will focus on four common reasons that men struggle with their wounds.
*First*, culture has trained us to believe that real men don’t cry.
*Second,* masculinity is under pressure. Current cultural nuances and the innuendos of “toxic masculinity” in the media have scared our daughters and caused many young men to fail to embrace their masculinity.
*Third,* sadly, some men feel that church life is irrelevant to their needs.
*Fourth*, because many men don’t have a support system, many will bury their woundedness. The result is various addictive behaviors, drugs, gaming, sexual addictions, food, pleasure, drinking, and even hyper-religious involvement. For many men, if this woundedness is not addressed, it will significantly negatively impact their lives and relationships.
*Food for Thought*
C.S. Lewis once wrote, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains…[Pain] is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”- C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain.
The Lord is more concerned with our character than our comfort; at times, He chooses to use calamity to refine us.
Link to the Blog
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Jan 17, 2023
How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt #2
There are three final stages in How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt 2: the Lover Stage, the King Stage, and the Sage Stage.
The Lover Stage
The lover needs the warrior to act decisively and restrain his passions.
The lover stage (the 20s to 30s) is the awakening of the heart. This could manifest as a love of poetry, nature, music…and eventually romance.
This is the stage in which men learn how to love themselves by loving others. It can also deepen your awareness of how you are created in God’s image.
There are two extremes of lovers we need to look at before we move on.
The addicted lover becomes consumed by short-term pleasure at almost any cost. This person is a collector of experiences, women, and toys. The addicted lover resists structure and pursues pleasure.
The impotent lover lives in a muted world. His world may be void of color and flavor.
The King Stage
In the king stage (age 40-60), the man is mature, centered, and decisive. He lives with integrity and purpose. He protects his realm and serves his community.
Read the entire article
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Jan 5, 2023
How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt # 1
How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt # 1: The first three stages.
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:11 NLT
To grow as a man of faith, you must understand the stages of masculine development. This is the first part of a series that will show you a map as you continue your journey.
A man of faith is someone with a sense of purpose. He knows he has a life mission and understands what it means to be a man. This understanding comes from his faith, but it also comes from the relationships he has with others. He understands a well-lived life is in the context of a community.
A Christian man is a man made in the image of God. If married, he is responsible for being the head of his home and leading his family. He is a man who is faithful to his wife and children, and he makes time for them every day. A Christian man is a man who knows he is created for greatness, but instead of chasing after it, he chooses to live humbly as an example to others.
In this article, my heart desires to encourage you to be the man God called you to be. To help you to become a God-loving, courageous, resilient man with an enhanced ability to lead, love, serve, and leave a legacy in this world. To do this, I will review one roadmap to understanding some developmental markers we men face.
As with any "journey," there must be a starting place. Here is an overview of the process.
The Beloved Son
The Cowboy Stage
The Warrior Stage
Here are four general things about a real warrior, whether single or married.
1. A warrior is trained
2. A warrior is humble
3. A warrior is accustomed to sacrifice
4. A warrior is connected to others
Read the article
John Thurman
john@johnthurman.info
505-343-2011
www.johnthurman.net
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Dec 27, 2022
Four Ways You Can Keep Your New Year's Resolutions
Here are the Four Ways:
1. What are the results you are seeking?
2. What measurable actions are you going to take?
3. What is Your timeline?
4. What is your motivation for doing this?
Here is a link to the entire article.
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Nov 23, 2022
How to Demonstrate Gratitude as a Man this Thanksgiving
Here is a link to the blog;
Happy Thanksgiving!
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Nov 15, 2022
How to be a Faith-Filled Man in Today's World Pt 2
This is the second in the How to be a Man of Faith in Today’s World series, where we will examine the second half of Dr. Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules of Life as well as some important scriptural concepts to remember as you and I seek to be the men God has called us to be.
Summary:
*
7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).*
*8. Tell the truth. Or at least don’t lie. *
*9. Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t. *
*10. Be precise in your speech. *
*11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding. *
*12. Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street.
**Link to my blog*
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Nov 10, 2022
How to Be A Man of Faith in 2022 Pt 1
There was a time in recent history when masculinity came with a clear purpose of being a provider-protector (e.g., warrior, contributor, sole breadwinner). Many of us grew up imprinted that men are designed to serve. We are to serve our family, church, the Lord, community, and nation. We were raised with a sense of mission and a sense of purpose.
Today, according to Warren Farrell (The Boy Crisis 2018), “Many men are experiencing a purpose void.” Young and old alike seem to be wandering through life without a sense of mission. Due to multiple factors that, for the sake of space, will not be covered in this article.
In my coaching and work-life mentoring practice, one of the alarming shifts I have seen in the past ten years is the sense that many men seem clueless about their roles, purpose, and mission. I believe the Scriptures guide us clearly on what it means to be a man. I hope you and I will be challenged to look at where we are in our lives and “get back on mission” if w…
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Oct 26, 2022
Laughter-A Better Way to Respond in These Negative Times.
Laughter is a powerful tool that can have long-term positive effects on your health. It can improve your mood, relieve pain and infuse you with hope. Laughter has the power to enhance your autoimmune system and decrease the risk of heart disease. It can also reduce stress and anxiety, help with depression, lower blood pressure, and increase the production of endorphins which make you happy.
Benefits of Laughter:
* It connects you with others
* It can smooth out differences
* It strengthens and promotes resilience
* It increases energy and helps your body relax
* I can refresh your perspective
* It increases productivity
Here is a link to the article
Here are some links to some great laughs!
Michael Jr
Small Fry
Tim Hawkins
Dr. Dennis Swanberg
Chonda Pierce
Ken Davis
Anita Renfroe
Contact John Thurman. john@johnthurman.info or call 505-343-2011
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Oct 3, 2022
How to be a Better Dad Using Faith-Friendly Tools
In this episode, you will be able to identify your "Dad style" and learn how to be a better dad using Faith-Friendly Tools.
Dad Types
* The Distant or Passive Dad
* The Angry, Abusive Dad
* The Inconsistent Dad
* The Dependent Dad
* The Overindulging Dad
* The Balanced and Engaged Dad
The Eight Traits of a Growing Christian Dad
* They are learning how to love their wife and kids
* They are learning to lead their families
* They are working on being better communicators
* They provide for their families
* They actively pursue wisdom and insight on becoming a better man and family leader.
* They provide age-appropriate correction and edification to their children
* They demonstrate grace by being ready to extend and receive forgiveness
* They demonstrate love toward their wife.
Here is the link to the article
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Sep 7, 2022
The Importance of Having a Man in the House
Why Dads Are Important
1. *School Achievement.* Grades are better when dd is around.
2. *The 3 Rs. *The more involved his dad is, the more significant the boy's increase in verbal intelligence and the better both boys' and girls' math and quantitative abilities are.
3. *School Dropout Rates.* The more years children spend with no or minimal father involvement, the fewer years of school they complete.
4. *Employment.* While boys from two-parent homes are two times more likely to be employed as young adults.
5. *Suicide.* Living in a home without a dad correlates more with suicide among children and teenagers than any other factor.
6. *Drugs.* Father involvement is at least five times more important in preventing drugs than any other influence. In addition, it is a more potent determining factor than the child's gender, ethnicity, or social class.
7. *Homelessness.* Around 90 percent of runaways and homeless youths are from fatherless homes.
8. *Bullying.* The American Psychologi…
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Jul 14, 2022
How to Overcome Anxiety Before It Overtakes You
According to the March 1-3, Harris Poll, the annual “Stress in America” survey found that more American adults rated inflation and the Russia-Ukraine situation as major stressors than any other issue in the poll’s entire 15-year history.
American adults reported feeling emotionally overwhelmed and fatigued, with 87% agreeing it “feels like there has been a constant stream of crises without a break for the past two years.”
*What is the Antidote?*
Gratitude is the thankful appreciation of things received, whether tangible or intangible. It helps you and me connect with something outside ourselves, often transcendent and more extensive than we are. Being grateful for people and other blessings makes me more content and helps me rewire my brain to be more optimistic.
Expressing gratitude is probably the most effective way to push fear, anxiety, and sadness out of your mind and replace it with good things.
Here are *four benefits* of actively expressing gratitude.
Here are th…
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Jun 29, 2022
9 Great Ways to Enhance Your Listening Skills
Here are four critical justifications for listening to your wife’s input to accept her influence.
1. *Her insights will most likely give you increased clarity*. Women generally are more mindful of details, intuitive concerning the feelings of others, and may be in tune with certain unique aspects of a given situation. Her particular views might add a refreshing richness and depth to your perspective.
2. *Accepting her influence will enhance your wisdom. *I honestly wished I’d caught on to this early in our marriage. The Old Testament book of Proverbs is filled with truth about the difference between being a person of wisdom or a “fool.” As you read through the 31 chapters, you will discover a few important themes. One of the primary themes is a willingness to listen. When you and I listen to our wives, we honor her and our Creator, and we grow in wisdom. Disregard her input, and you could be acting like a fool.
3. *Listening to and accepting her influence will enhance multip…
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Jun 23, 2022
5 Ways to Enrich Your Communication with Your Wife
The ability to accept your spouse’s influence means that you welcome and respect your spouse’s thoughts, ideas, impressions, insights, and feelings. Doing this allows them to help you make decisions that impact you, your family, and your relationship.
When you accept their influence, you acknowledge that your spouse has a valid point of view and that you value it. It demonstrates that you are open-minded and welcome the valuable insight they bring to the marriage. Accepting their advice and influence demonstrates that they are essential, and their input is important, even when we disagree.
Before reviewing the 5 ways to enrich your communications with your wife, let’s take a moment to compare health and unhealthy influence.
*First, do a gut check.* Are you trying to score a personal victory or come up with a joint resolution?
*
Second, listen with consideration to your partner’s point of view.* After all, the Scripture reminds us:
*Third, remember this vital relational poin…
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Jun 9, 2022
4 Easy Ways to Show Respect for Your Husband
* Respect His judgment
* Show Respect for His Abilities
* Be Respectful in Communication
* Demonstrate Respect in Public
Here is the link to the entire article.
To receive Dr. John Gottman's free resource: How to Build Fondness and Admiration in YOur Relationship just text the word ADMIRE to 33777. Give us your email and we will send you this relationship enriching pdf.
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Jun 1, 2022
12 Simple Ways to Encourage Your Wife (or girlfriend)
*First,* love her, honor her, and respect her. The vows used for centuries have stood the test of time because they are correct.
*Second*, be sexually and emotionally faithful to her.
*Third*, listen to her without being judgmental.
*Fourth*, be as attentive, fun-loving, and adoring as you were during courtship or close to It.
*Fifth,* be more affectionate.
*Sixth*, support and nurture her ambitions in and outside the home.
*Seventh*, try to understand how she is different emotionally.
*Eighth*, be honest, and always do what you say you will do.
*Ninth*, share in childcare and domestic work.
*
Tenth,* do what you need to do to make her feel special.
*Eleventh*, maintain your appearance!
*Twelfth*, take the initiative and coordinate some “us time” getaways.
Action Plan:
Focus on the benefits of marriage, not the day-to-day frustrations.
Show your wife the same traits that make you valuable as an employee: focus, discipline, reliability, devotion, loyalty, stability, int…
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Apr 12, 2022
Do You Know the 6 Needs of a Happy Wife?
*One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.*
Do you know the 6 needs of a happy wife?
1. *Women need love.
*2. *Women are emotional.
*3. *Women want security.
*4. *She doesn’t want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen*.
5. *“She doesn’t want much sex” does not mean “She must not want me*.”
6. *She wants to look attractive.
**Click here for the entire article**
Feel free to contact me: *505=343-2011. email john@johnthurman.info
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Apr 3, 2022
Solving the Mystery of Marriage
Marriage is many things, but it is not a Hallmark movie. Whatever romantic notions we might have, real-life always involves more than an hour and a half of easily-resolved conflicts amid harvest festivals or Christmas baking contests. Marriage is both glorious and challenging. A marriage can be a place of burning passion, extreme joy, and strength, and it can also be blood, sweat, and tears. There are seasons of humbling defeats and exhilarating victories. I should know—my wife and I cross the 50th Anniversary mark this August!
Let’s face it, very few movies or television shows reveal the reality of marriage. It’s a mystery.
I think the Apostle Paul hit the nail on the head in the New Testament book of Ephesians.
Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty,
a great mystery of Christ and his church.
Eph 5:32 TPT (emphasis mine)
C.S. Lewis provides some deeper understanding in his book, The Four Loves:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your hea…
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Mar 14, 2022
Simple Tools You Can Use to Lower Stress and Anxiety
Americans are facing epic shifts in inflation and an unprecedented rise in gas prices!
Researchers with the American Psychological Association report an 80% increase in stress and anxiety due to the current worldwide crisis with the Russian unfounded invasion of Ukraine.
The Scriptures teach us to "cast all of our fear and anxiety on the Lord." 1 Peter 5:7
In today's show, I reveal how to reframe FEAR and Anxiety by using a proven method that comes from my Cognitive Behavior Therapy training and finding ways to blend biblical principles with modern psychology. So much of our anxiety and fear can be managed and defeated by using existing, proven tools and biblical resources.
One of my former teachers you to say that fear means Forget Everything And Run
My Mneumonic for FEAR, which is more of a resilience response is
Face
Everything
And
Rise
How will you face fear?
Here is a link to the article.
Do you have 14 minutes to learn a new skill? You can access my free training by simply…
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Mar 8, 2022
3 Ways to Overcome the Dragons of Fear and Anxiety
3 Ways to Overcome the Dragons of Fear and Anxiety
*Change Your Perspective On Fear *
Fear is only harmful if you think it is. Fear is a natural process that, if left unchecked, will cause us to live timid, restricted lives. Truthfully, in life, there is zero growth without risk. So instead of pushing back fear as an all-consuming, nerve-racking experience, see it as an adventure, a journey that will take you out of your comfort zone and into a whole new life, bringing a sense of joy and adventure. If you have ever conquered a fear, you know it can be exhilarating. So why not try to scare yourself just a little today? You might like the outcome.
*Adjust Your Perspective On Risk *
The honest taproot for many of our fears about trying something new is the possibility of failure. What if I get rejected? What if I lose? Well, you could. But you will never know until you try. If you don't take the risk, you are guaranteed to fail.
Maybe it’s time for you to update your risk criteria.…
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Feb 27, 2022
Enrich Your Life with Self-Care
*The Rise of Anxiety and Depression in Adults*
The rates of depression and anxiety among U.S. adults skyrocketed alarmingly to about four times higher between April 2020 and August 2021 from 2019.
Anxiety: 7.4-8.6%, January-December 2019
28.2-37.2%, April 2020-August 2021[i]
Depression: 5.9-7.5%, January-December 2019
20.2-31.1%, April 2020-August 2022[ii]
While this article is primarily concerned with adults, there are some sobering statistics about young people as well. Take a minute to read these articles about how you can help kids:
Talking to Kids About the Coronavirus published by Focus on the Family.
Young People Hit Hardest By Loneliness And Depression During Covid-19 from Forbes.
Nine Ways to Practice Self-Care
1. Get your horizontal and vertical relationships in order. The quote from Jesus I mentioned earlier pretty much sums it up. First, love God, and out of that love of God will come to the love of self and then love of others.
2. Remember, we must all consta…
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Feb 7, 2022
How to Enhance Your Relationship this Valentines Day
With Valentine’s just around the corner I wanted to talk about one of the most important aspects of a relationship and that is that real lovers appreciate the differences between themselves and their partners. Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that the way to have a resilient relationship is to turn towards each other.
Differences are part of what initially draws us to our partners. Have you ever noticed how a talkative, engaging extrovert could be attracted to a quiet, reflective introvert? How about someone cautious being drawn to someone filled with confidence?
While this is the case in so many relationships, these differences often become distractions down the road. Those cute nuances can move from appealing to appalling. Those same differences that first attracted you to one another can cause conflict, misunderstanding, and even alienation as time passes.
Here are some examples:
Planners vs. Flexers:
Planners are individuals who love organization and structure. If you were…
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Jan 21, 2022
How to Use the Goldilocks Method to Stay Motivated.
*Does the name Steve Martin ring a bell*? Performer, comedian, movie star, Saturday Night Live Alum, respected banjo player, father, husband, and author of autobiography Born Standing Up. (By the way, if you are looking for a great read, I highly recommend it.) Read the Article
Here is a general idea of where the magic is.
If a person believes there is a reasonable chance of making their dream happen and they have a sincere desire to make it happen, three things occur:
1. Their focus becomes very narrow.
2. Distractions begin to fade as the goal becomes more evident. (However, sometimes they start to pull away from some relationships for a season.)
3. They zero in on activities that lead to the changes they long for. As they make progress—honing their skill set or craft or muscle tone, whatever—they look for the next challenge that is “just manageable.” They find the next task that is difficult but doable on the way to their dream. Victory is not guaranteed, but it is possi…
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Jan 16, 2022
How to Make Your Thinking Work For You in 2022
*
Sobering Facts About Thoughts
*
Here are some fascinating statistics from a study done in 2020.
According to this insightful study, humans average around 6,200 thoughts a day, and they tend to be on the negative side for most of us. No wonder you and I seem to be in a constant state of dealing with damaging “thought worms!”
I love the way Tommy Newberry puts it in his book, The 4:8 Principle.
“The secret conversations you hold in the privacy of your own mind are shaping your destiny, little by little. With every thought that races through your mind, you are continually reinventing yourself and your future. This is either good or bad news because every thought moves you either toward your God-given potential or away from it. No thoughts are neutral.”
If you want to see a significant shift in old habits, change your thoughts and change your life, give these tools a try.
*Tip # 1 – Supervise your self-talk.
Tip # 2 Stop comparing yourself to others.
Tip # 3 – Stretch…
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Jan 3, 2022
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail: How to Succeed with Yours
Why do New Year’s Resolutions fail? Mainly, because they are only a statement, or what we wish for in the coming year. There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. Sometimes they are unrealistic resolutions, with no other thought or plans besides the statement.
3 Reasons they fail:
*First, *we need to get our thinking right before we can experience enduring change.
*Second*, we fail to have a structure—a pathway with some built-in accountability—to keep us focused and intentional.
*Third,* we are fearful of making these changes because of how they might impact us.
4 Barriers:
Barrier #1 — The feeling that we are fundamentally flawed and either don’t deserve or don’t have it in us to make the changes we need to make. In other words, we are limited by our own thinking.
Barrier # 2 — This one is a little odd, but I validated it in my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur. It’s the fear of feeling disloyal. “If I make these changes and experience succ…
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Dec 14, 2021
3 Free Gifts to Give to Your Spouse
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Dec 7, 2021
10 Tips For Dealing with Grief and Loss During the Holidays
*
10 Ways to Cope with Holiday Grief
*
*Note: Because grief is intensely personal and unique, you may or may not experience any of these. If you feel that your grief is manifesting in a different way or that you need to talk to someone, then don’t delay.
1. Be prepared for some sad moments or memories. You don’t need to be looking for them, but when and if they show up, give them the time you need to process them.
2. If you are worried about having too much time to overthink your losses, fill some of your empty holiday holes with good things.
3. Honor and celebrate old traditions and memories.
4 Be intentional about creating new traditions and memories.
5. Identify and expand your best coping skills.
6. Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to avoid life-sucking self-loathing isolation can bring.
7. Avoid isolation by volunteering at your church or in your community. Serving others is a significant way to av…
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Dec 7, 2021
How to Avoid the 4 Joy Stealers of the Holidays
Artwork by Holly Warren Muthard
*Joy Stealing Trap #1 - Bitterness
Joy Stealing Trap #4 - Perfectionism
Joy Stealing Trap #4 - Shame*
*Joy Stealing Trap #4 - Anxiety
**Here is a link to the article: How to Avoid the 4 Joy Stealers of the Holidays*
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Nov 23, 2021
5 Proven Ways to Boost Your Gratitude this Thanksgiving
Here are the 5 ways:
* Jot down your joys
* Count blessing instead of sheep
* Stop and Savor
* Smile
* Give
Here is a link to the article
john@johnthurman.info
505-343-2011
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Nov 16, 2021
Thanksgiving 2021: A Time for Genuine Gratitude Part 1
Here are nine benefits of actively expressing gratitude.
* Thankfulness will boost your immune system helping your body fight off infection.
* Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.
* A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.
* A grateful heart develops your personal resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.
* Gratefulness strengthens social bonds.
* Extending grace to others makes you more likable.
* Living a life of gratitude helps you sleep better.
* Having an attitude of gratitude amplifies positive self-esteem.
* Gratitude elevates your spiritual insights.
Next week, the week of Thanksgiving I will give you five-proven gratitude practices you can use to make this Thanksgiving extra special.
Here is a link to the entire post
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Nov 9, 2021
25 Practical Ways to Lower Your Stress Today!
While we cannot make all anxiety and stress go away, we can do some practical things to Reduce Stress, Resist anxiety, and Build Resilience.
With that in mind, here are 25 Practical Ways to Lower Your Stress Today!
Here is a link to the article.
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Nov 2, 2021
How to Lower Covid Stress Using Ancient Practices
A more recent survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, taken from May 26 through June 7, 2021, revealed that nearly three out of ten adults in the U.S. (28.8%) reported anxiety or depressive disorder symptoms in the past seven days. However, the percentage is almost 60% for those with a disability.
The survey shows that 20.6% of U.S. adults took prescription medication for mental health, and 9.5% received counseling or therapy in the last four weeks.
But there is hope. Later in this piece, I will give you some tools to lower the toxic impact of the accumulated stress of these past twenty months.
*First, there are two types of stress.*
*Eustress* is the positive stress response involving optimal levels of stimulation—a type of stress that results from challenging but surmountable and enjoyable or worthwhile tasks.[5] It has a beneficial effect by generating a sense of fulfillment or achievement and facilitating growth, development, mastery, and a high level of performance.
*Distress* is…
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Oct 19, 2021
Lighten Up! 6 Benefits of Humor in Your Marriage with Humor
Humor and lightheartedness can dramatically improve both your mental and physical health, but did you know it can significantly enhance your marriage.
Here are six things that humor can do for your relationship.
1. *Links you to other*s.
2. *Helps smooth over differences*.
3. *Develops resilience*.
4. *Increases energy and relaxes at the same time*.
5*. Renews perspective*.
6*. Increases creativity*.
Here is the link to Lighten Up! 6 Benefits of Humor in Your Marriage
For fun, here are a couple of links to other articles that used this as a part of their articles on relationships:
6 Things a Partner May Do That Can Prove They are the Right One This is an excellent article from Working Woman.
16 Signs You Married the Right Person by John Rampton
Be sure to check out Dr. Charles Lowery’s video Lover or Loser,
*Action Plan:*
I help couples enhance their communications and enrich their intimacy by sharing faith-friendly, resilience-based principles.
To learn more, just che…
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Oct 12, 2021
10 Quick, Proven Ways to Reduce Marital Stress and Conflict
Marital Conflict is Inevitable. But Marital Combat is Optional.
The key to any fight is to maintain control. No, not of the other person. Control of yourself. You do not have the right to be immature, childish, or abusive. On the other hand, if you have legitimate feelings and issues, you are absolutely entitled to give a reasonable voice to those feelings in a constructive way. (That includes not being self-righteous or taking yourself too seriously.)
Here are 10 things you can do to Reduce Stress and Conflict in Your Marriage.
*1. Make it private and keep it private.*
*2. Deal with the issue at hand.*
*3. Stay in the room emotionally. * Never allow it to get physical!
*4. Eliminate “You never” and “You always.”*
*5. Avoid character assassination like the plague.*
*6. Avoid “mind reading.”*
*7. Stay on task.*
*8. Be proportional in your intensity.*
*9. Commit yourself to openness, honesty, and acceptance.*
*10. Allow yourself and your partner to retreat and/or…
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Sep 27, 2021
9 Ways to Solve Relationship Problems
Did you know that 69% of your problems as a couple are unsolvable!
Here are the 3 types of problems couples face:
1. Solvable ones
2. Perpetual, unsolvable ones
3, Corrosive, gridlocked ones
Here are 9 Ways to Solve Relationship Problems
*1.* *Awareness* — work on conversations about your solvable, unsolvable, and possible gridlock problems.
*2.* *Keep an open mind* as the two of you look consider the types of problems couples face.
*3*. *Please DO NOT* try to change the other person.
*4*. *Grow in understanding your partner*. After all, you are pretty quirky, so learn to appreciate their quirkiness.
*5.* *Pick the sword* you are going to fall on. In other words, Pick You Battles carefully.
*6.* *Fight fair*.
*7.* *Learn to communicate* clearly and directly.
*8. Remember* that not all problems are solvable.
*9. Pray*. It can't hurt, and who knows, it might help.
Here is a link to my blog by the same title
I'd love to get your feedback, so feel free to leave a comment.
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Sep 20, 2021
11 Ways to Have a Happy Husband
1.He knows he can be himself without being judged or criticized. Nothing can kill a relationship faster than unnecessary criticism and being talked down to. Instead, look to encourage and build up.
2.He smiles a lot. He feels that you notice him and appreciate all he does for you and that you do not take him for granted. He feels seen and known, not like being compared to characters on the Hallmark Channel or Virgin River.
3.He realizes you love and accept him for who he is, but he also knows that you will lovingly confront where necessary. He knows that your love is the "real deal" and respects it because he sees it is not based on submissive compliance but a loving choice.
4.He likes that you care about looking attractive in your own personal way. Of course, he doesn't expect you to look like someone you aren’t, but seeing that you care about your appearance makes him feel you value yourself and your relationship with him.
5.He understands that you desire him because of how des…
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Sep 14, 2021
12 Ways to Have a Happy Wife
One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.
Here they are:
* *Be as attentive, fun-loving, and adoring as you were during courtship (or close to it). *
* *Show her respect.*
* *Be more affectionate.*
* *Understand it is okay if she processes things differently than you.*
* *Support and nurture her ambitions inside and outside the home.*
* *Try to understand how she is different emotionally*.
* *Be honest at all times and always do what you say you* *will do.*
* *Share in childcare and domestic work.*
* *Help her feel special. Find ways to build her up.*
* *Maintain your appearance!*
* *Plan some “us time” getaways. *
* *Learn ways to maintain romance and specialness in your relationship. *
Focus on the benefits of marriage, not the day-to-day frustrations.
Show your wife the same traits that make you valuable as an employee: focus, discipline, reliability, d…
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Sep 8, 2021
Do You Know About the 6 Layers of Intimacy?
What is intimacy? One definition of intimacy is an act or familiar expression serving as a token of congeniality, affection, and love. Another is a close or detailed knowledge of a person.
One of the foundational principles of building and repairing a relationship is to understand the foundations of intimacy. It is not about technique, positions, or power but about getting to know someone deeply.
Marital intimacy is about seeing into your mate's heart, soul, and mind and learning to connect with them on multiple levels.
Listen to the word intimacy slowly spoken. Intimacy. “Into-me-see.” Since true intimacy is learning to experience, you must learn to lean into your partner.
To experience this kind of intense relationship, you need to understand both sides of an intimate connection and grow to a new level of purpose and passion. These different levels of connection reflect the differences between a short-term view of relationship, where romance is the primary goal, and a long-te…
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Aug 17, 2021
4 Proven Ways to Enrich Your Marriage
Are you looking for ways to rapidly enrich your marriage?
In this week's podcast, John Thurman shares secrets that he has discovered in over 49 years of marriage and over 55,000 hours in the people-helping business.
#1 Demonstrate empathy
#2 Catch your partner doing the right things
#3 Express love in meaningful ways (check out the free love languages test)
#4 Take a timeout when you need to.
Check out this article on my blog
If you need some
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Aug 2, 2021
How to Dramatically Lower Stress in Your Relationship with One Action
You can build a resilient relationship and lower toxic stress by initiating one simple action!
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Jul 21, 2021
2 Ancient Secrets for Success
Two simple Secrets for Success
1. Being Intentional.
Intentional means you are deliberate, calculated, intended, conscious, willful, or purposeful. No matter what you pursue in life it must be intentional and purposeful.
2. Being diligent.
Diligence is a learnable skill that combines creative persistence, a smart-working effort properly planned and rightly performed in a timely, efficient, ethical, and effective manner to attain a pure result and of the highest quality of excellence.
Based on the book of Proverbs here are *some benefits *of being intentional and Diligent.
*You will gain an advantage other do not have*.
In anything, would you rather have a substantial advantage or a permanent handicap? King Solomon assures us that diligence will gain an insurmountable advantage over those who are not. He says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage.” (Proverbs 21:5). Applying this to our fears means we can learn to turn our fears away from things that steal our e…
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Jul 4, 2021
Facing the Fear of Success
It is amazing how many allow the fear of success to keep them from going after their dreams, creating their next creative project, or taking that next step. In today's short cast I will give you three proven steps you can take to move through the fear of success.
Here are three reasons people fear success. This is from the research I did for my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur a few years ago.
1. The fear of appearing to be unspiritual.
2. The fear of standing out.
3. The fear of change.
To read the entire post click the link How to Restrain the Fear of Success
If you'd like more information or would like to set up a free consultation call me at 505-343-2011 or contact me through my website www.johnthurman.info
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Jun 22, 2021
6 Tactics for Crushing Criticism
The fear of criticism is a subtle and seductive fear that will hold you back from reaching your potential if you let it. This shortcast will show you 6 Tactics to Crush Criticiam
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Jun 15, 2021
Episode 7 - 10 Super Tools for Defeating the Fear of Failure
This week's podcast is an expansion of last week's introduction to 10 Ways to Defeat the Fear of Failure
* Embrace your humanity by recognizing and accepting your emotions. The simple truth is that sometimes life sucks, and sometimes we fail.
* Please don’t take or make it personal. The following quote is a line from Rudyard Kipling’s poem If, “If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same…”
* Don’t be overly concerned about what others think. Honestly, they don’t care.
* Maintain an internal focus of control. Our reactions to stress, tough times, change, and other adverse events depend on our inner resources.
* And while we do not have any control over these external circumstances, we are responsible for our response to them.
* Stay flexible. If you refuse to be flexible, you can become broken.
* Maintain a support system, and we all need a system or systems that provide:
* Emotional Support – empathy, love, an…
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May 31, 2021
4 Things You Need to Do to Move Past the Pandemic
Research tells us that there are 4 key factors in moving through the pandemic and into the emerging "new normal."
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May 18, 2021
Resilient Leadership and Pandemic Fatigue
Resilient Leaders demonstrate 5 common traits in a crisis. In addition, they engage in at least 4 activities as they lead their teams through tough times.
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May 11, 2021
8 More Traits of Resilient People
Resilient people have at least 10 traits that are consistent across most cultures. How many do you have.
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May 6, 2021
The Top 2 Traits of Resilient People
The top two traits of resilient people, Optimism, and the ability to experience post-traumatic growth.
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Jun 25, 2016
25 Proven Stress Busting Strategies
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