Good Girls Talk About Sex
Leah Carey
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Deep conversations with women about their personal experience of sex and female sexuality.
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7 days ago
How many people have you had sex with?
Leah has asked many of her interviewees how many sexual partners they’ve had. The answers, in their surprisingly wide variety, show that there is no “normal.” This also opens up a discussion about what “counts” as sex.
Here’s a Thought: Your sexual desires don’t always overlap with your romantic relationship preferences. You can be attracted to and visually stimulated by both men and women, but maybe you only want to engage in long-term committed partnerships with men—or vice versa.
Bookmarks for this episode:
* 6:38 – Chorus of voices answering “How many people have you had sex with?”
* 10:33 - Leah gives her “number” and discusses what “sex” means.
* 16:00 - “Am I Normal?” This week’s caller asks if being attracted to women means her heterosexual marriage is over.
* 21:55 - When *not* to ask your husband for a threesome.
* 23:40 - Our sexual desires and our relationship styles don’t always match up.
"Pimp That Pod" recommendation:
The Change Over by Alanna Sparrow
Highlighted episode - White Privilege v. Black Punishment
Resources mentioned:
* Literotica is an online collection of user-submitted erotic fiction and fantasy. You can find stories of all types at https://www.literotica.com/stories/. For stories specifically about lesbian sex, go to https://www.literotica.com/c/lesbian-sex-stories. You can search for any other topic that might be of interest at https://tags.literotica.com/. Please be aware that many pages will have sexy pictures and/or ads for porn sites. You do not need to click on any of these to use the site.
* Feminist porn – Watching explicit sexual acts can help you understand what turns you on, however most of the available porn is focused on male satisfaction and neglects the woman’s pleasure. Feminist porn directors create explicit material in a way that’s not objectifying or degrading to women. The following are a selection of directors and websites. PLEASE PAY FOR YOUR PORN!
* Erika Lust is one of the most well-known feminist porn creators.
* pinklabel.tv
* brightdesire.com
* AbbyWinters.com
* CrashPadSeries.com
Book a PJ Party!!! All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Music – Nazar Rybak
Jun 25, 2020
Jessica - I was told I had 'such a pretty face'
Jessica is one of so many women who have been told, “You have such a pretty face, if you could only lose 50 pounds…”
During her teenage years, she allowed that to define her perception of herself. Then, at the end of high school, she discovered that there were cute clothes that fit her body and she could show off her curves and get attention. And that’s just the beginning of the story!
Jessica is a 38-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and married to a man. She grew up in the United States, has one child, and calls her body curvy and plus size.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 3:35 – Jessica’s first memory of sexual pleasure is from the bathtub
* 7:00 - She discovers masturbation around age 10, and checks out a book on sexuality from the library.
* 9:30 – Jessica’s school lacked any helpful sex education — they only discussed physical secondary sex characteristics and periods.
* 12:05 - Experimenting with kissing boys but not having boyfriends early on, she developed physically ahead of her classmates and noticed the differences
* 14:30 - She loses her virginity to a guy she barely knows in an unremarkable and vaguely humiliating way
* 15:30 - After losing her virginity, she avoids dating/interaction for a year
* 19:03 - Her attraction to women and her first dating relationship with a woman
* 20:10 - Being told by her own father to lose weight, being bribed to lose weight, and dressing in baggy men’s clothes to hide her body. Eventually, she finds clothes in her size and begins to show her curves
* 22:00 - Using sex to gain attention from men
* 24:30 - Meeting her husband and how he was different from other men she’d dated
* 26:33 - The power she felt when she was able to seduce men while being promiscuous in her 20’s, and how it may have been a response to the powerlessness she felt when she lost her virginity. It was emotionally unfulfilling but she felt good about her body and her sexual power.
* 31:00 - A non-consensual experience during a BDSM scene, and later realizing it was rape
* 34:00 – Leah talks does some myth-busting around dom/sub (BDSM) relationships and assault.
* 37:30 – Jessica’s sexual relationship with her husband, how she is the more experienced partner and has taught him how to please her
The Lowdown (42:15)
* What do you consider to be the kinkiest thing you enjoy?
* Is there something you fantasize about but have never asked for in real life?
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
* Available FOR ALL - How to talk to her husband about making sex last longer without hurting his feelings
* $7/month - Extended Lowdown Q&A
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak
Jun 18, 2020
Do you have sex during your period?
In this episode, Leah begins answering the Lowdown questions – with a twist!
To date, she has done well over 60 interviews, most of which have included an in-depth Q&A. As she answers each Lowdown question, you’ll hear a chorus of voices answering the same question. The goal is to remind you, once again, that no matter what your answer is, you are completely normal and you are not alone.
In the second half of the show, she answers an “Am I normal?” question about feeling attractive after major surgery.
* 2:00 – Chorus of voices answering “Do you have sex during your period?”
* 8:30 – Leah answers the question “Do I have sex during my period?”
* 8:50 - Leah talks about her earliest shame/trauma experience around menstruation, being lectured by her dad in a way that made her feel overwhelmed, invaded, and disgusted.
* 10:30 - When Leah gets her first period at age 12, she ignores it. Her mom discovers evidence in the laundry.
* 12:00 - In her 30’s, she has her first experience with a partner wanting to proceed with sex while she is on her period. He’s fine with it. But the sight of her blood on his fingers nearly breaks her.
* 12:55 - She occasionally will have sex while on her period with her current partner, even though she still experiences shame and emotional discomfort.
* 14:03 – Am I normal? question – how can I have sex and feel attractive after major surgery?
* 14:55 - Leah talks about our culture’s ideal body type, how we are harmfully held against a specific and limited standard, and how our belief that we are lovable is tied to that standard.
* 16:34 - Going to a nude sex resort helped Leah see that all types of bodies are sexually attractive to someone.
* 17:58 - Leah directs the audience to Instagram to see bodies with colostomy bags, in wheelchairs, and after breast cancer normalized.
* 19:13 - Leah talks about “body neutrality.”
Check out some of these Instagram accounts to see a variety of bodies enjoying life:
Normalizing ostomies:
https://www.instagram.com/ann_liseeva/
https://www.instagram.com/ostomydiaries/
Love and vacations in a wheelchair:
https://www.instagram.com/naomifernandez__/
Life after breast cancer:
https://www.instagram.com/laureneliseox/
Fat yoga / Curvy girl yoga:
https://www.instagram.com/journey2antoinette/
https://www.instagram.com/thiscurviyogi/
https://www.instagram.com/bipolar.yogi
PSA from Leah -
Body Neutrality: Body image is tied to feeling lovable in our culture, and the specific body image (young, thin, smooth, and perfect) that we hold as the standard actually rarely occurs in the population. So, most of us feel like crap—and the uber-positivity message of “love every inch of your skin no matter what” rings false and seems impossible to achieve. Body neutrality takes a different approach.
These are some of my favorite Instagram accounts that are working in the field of body neutrality:
https://www.instagram.com/virgietovar/
https://www.instagram.com/tiffanyima/
https://www.instagram.com/jessikneeland/
https://www.instagram.com/iamstefaniemichele/
https://www.instagram.com/beyondbeautifulbook/
https://www.instagram.com/kenziebrenna/
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Music – Nazar Rybak
Jun 11, 2020
Melissa - If he doesn't ejaculate, is it sex?
Melissa experienced childhood sexual abuse and is dealing with its long-term impacts. She has a complicated pleasure response and is working on reframing how she views sex after abuse.
Melissa is a 40-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as Latina, heterosexual, monogamous, married with 3 boys. She grew up in the United States and currently lives with her family in Australia.
Public Service Announcements:
Sex is not just about the male partner’s ejaculation, and the male partner’s ejaculation is not your job! For more on this, listen to our conversation at 42:05.
How Healing Happens:
After childhood sexual abuse, Melissa is determined to keep unpacking her experiences and shaping a sex life that feels like actual fun. She knows she is blessed with a good partner. She’s sought therapy, and pays attention. She just plain wants better. The search for real joy has become her driving force. “I’m all about breaking generational issues! That’s just me!”
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 4:15 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure at 16 and having a moment alone that felt differently and purely “good.”
* 5:50 - Melissa reveals that she experienced childhood trauma around sex.
* 9:00 - Sex ed (in the 90’s) was mostly watching old (70’s/80’s) videos in school which were biologically oriented. She received a lot of negative messaging around sex—from parents about pregnancy, from her childhood abuse.
* 15:40 - The repressive effects of growing up Catholic and of childhood sexual trauma continue into college.
* 17:00 - Her first relationship is with the man who later became her husband; she met him at age 17 in college.
* 18:10 - She didn’t have sex with her boyfriend initially but the activities they did remind her of something wrong.
* 18:50 - Melissa describes what it’s like to be energetically divided within the sexual experience by past trauma—part of the brain being devoted to assuring herself she’s safe, and only whatever is left can experience the pleasure.
* 20:00 - Her boyfriend/husband is the first person she opened up to about the abuse and he suggested getting therapy.
* 22:50 - She had sex for the first time with her boyfriend (now-husband) 2 years into their relationship.
* 25:25 - She describes in detail what the body detachment from pleasure was like to experience, and it turns out this is a common trauma response. Also that she performed the acts to please him, not herself.
* 26:40 - Leah talks about autonomic responses, with or without the experience of actual pleasure.
* 28:00 - Leah talks about how little girls are socialized into the habit of taking care of others and performing pleasure.
* 32:50 - Melissa reconciles “ordinary” behaviors with her trauma behaviors, and through trust in her husband she’s able to try new things and through therapy to hold new ideas.
* 36:00 - Melissa shares her sexual turn-ons.
* 37:15 - She talks about the impact of timing and motherhood and having to shift mindsets for sex.
* 38:18 - Sex currently in the marriage is “good” though not “yay” or “joy.”
* 40:00 - Going to the gym, in addition to therapy, has helped Melissa with health and body image and reaching desired goals while releasing trauma. She’s also trying to consciously transition from thinking of sex as work to thinking of it as fun time.
* 41:30 - She talks more about what it means to feel like sex is a job.
* 42:05 – Is it sex if the man doesn’t ejaculate?
The Lowdown (45:33)
* Do you have sex during your period?
* What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
* Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
* What is your favorite way to orgasm during sex?
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
* $5/month – How having kids has affected Melissa’s relationship with her body and with sex
* $7/month – The extended Lowdown Q&A
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak
Jun 4, 2020
Voices of Color - Raising the volume
This week we put aside the regular episode to feature the stories and voices of women and non-binary folx of color.
The first half of the show calls back to clips from previous Good Girls Talk About Sex interviews:
* 2:01 – Jazz from the episode “Vibrators changed my life”
* 7:12 – Tenisha from the episode “I had to get drunk to have sex”
* 9:59 – Shana from the episode “It was never: I’m ready, let’s do this”
* 12:58 – Maya from the episode “The worse I felt, the more sex I had”
* 15:49 – Michelle from the episode “A throbbing in my nether regions”
The second half of the show features excerpts from podcasts created and hosted by women of color that I think you may enjoy:
* 24:36 – “A Consequence of Being The Strong One” from Courage Hackers with Nesha Frazier
* 26:28 – “When Brands Are Silent, We Stop Supporting” from Brown Girl Self-Care with Bre Mitchell
* 29:55 – Podcast trailer from So-Called Oreos with Kia, Janae, Rachel and Amari
* 32:15 – Introductory episode from The Way Thru with Raven Delana
Other recommendations are:
* The Sexually Liberated Woman with Ev’Yan Whitney
* Dear White Women with Sara and Misasha
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Music – Nazar Rybak
May 28, 2020
Maya - The worse I felt, the more sex I had
Maya was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6. She shares the frustrations she’s had around religion and how it affected her sexuality, the way she used sex in her early life to fill an emotional void, and the pleasure she has finally found with her husband.
Maya is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mixed race (black and white), heteroflexible, married, monogamous with the possibility of some monogamish play, with a young daughter. She was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6. She was brought up Muslim and describes her body as tall and thicc.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 2:40 – As a girl, Maya thought sexuality was perverted and made fun of it with friends
* 6:00 - Growing up in an Islamic household where sex was a sin, and she wasn’t allowed to date
* 8:30 - Maya describes being chaperoned by her mom on a date to the movies (but her brother was allowed to date without chaperone)
* 10:52 - Losing her virginity at 19 to a senior in college
* 16:45 - Her “first love” was a typical bad boy.
* 20:00 – The way Maya used sex during a deep depression – needing the attention to feel desired and feel better about herself.
* 22:30 – A boss who paid her for sexy play
* 25:50 – The impact Osho’s book “Sex Matters” had on her view of sex and religion
* 27:44 - How her appearance (being tall and “thicc”) differs in desirability/impact on black vs white men—and how she only dates black men.
* 29:37 - Her husband is the first person she’s with who prioritizes her pleasure and it’s disconcerting.
* 31:31 – Contemplating a threesome with her husband and another woman, and the nerves she has about the idea
* 34:40 – The reasons sex has slowed down since Maya married her husband – not just having a child, but also their deep beliefs about sex and the role it should have in marriage
The Lowdown (37:27)
* What belief did you have about sex as a child or a young woman that you wish you could correct her on now?
A lot of people are under financial strain right now, so I’m making all the Patreon extras available for free to everyone. Thank you to community members who continue to show your support through this hard time. The Patreon extras for this episode are:
* A deeper dive into Maya’s experience of depression, and how losing her identity as an athlete in college was a big driver
* Maya talks more about her “lesbian phase”
* The extended Lowdown Q&A
Resources mentioned:
* “Sex Matters” by Osho - Osho is a complicated figure – he is still revered by some for his insights into sexual energy and relaxing attitudes toward human sexuality. However he has also been accused of sexual impropriety and abuse by many of his followers. I am not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater, however, so I’m providing this resource for those who may find it helpful while also encouraging you to do some further reading of the full context of Osho’s teachings.
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak
May 21, 2020
Solo – She told me I’m not broken
In part 4 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about how I ended up doing a six month solo road trip around the country in my car, and talk about the sexual healing I never expected to find while on the road.
In “Am I normal?” we talk about female lubrication – is there such a thing as too much? Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.
Here are some time markers for this episode:
* 3:09 – Conversation with Jessi
* 28:47 – AM I NORMAL? question – Is it normal that I get so “wet” that I don’t feel much during sex? What can I do about it?
* 29:43 - Leah’s answer – Myth busting about female lubrication, and suggestions for dealing with both excessive lubrication and vaginal dryness
Resources mentioned:
* COVID Confidential video series – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZPyfFHzvbHbuFG5oAIO5N3-ymiZHqgYy
* The Savage Lovecast – https://www.savagelovecast.com/
* Leah’s favorite lube – https://youtu.be/i_Ok69EI-ks
* Intimina KegelSmart – https://www.intimina.com/kegel-smart
* The Womanizer - https://www.womanizer.com/
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Music – Nazar Rybak
May 14, 2020
Lois - I resented that my body was attractive to men
Lois carried shame into her adulthood due to childhood sexual abuse. As an adult, she found healing and had wonderful sex with her current husband, which has dwindled as they’ve gotten older. She talks about her how the abuse affected her relationship with her body and sex, participating in “free love” during the 60s, and her relationship with sex as she has gotten older.
Lois is a 70-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mostly white, straight, married for 38 years, monogamous, and post-menopausal. She has three grown children.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 4:29 – Lois talks about being abused as a child
* 9:20 – Lois’ mother witnessed the abuse and didn’t stop it
* 10:05 – Lois’ experience of sexual shame in the aftermath of the abuse
* 12:45 – Her early consensual sexual experiences, and feelings of extreme guilt.
* 15:00 – The pleasure response that can happen even during abuse
* 17:15 – Coming of age sexually in the mid-1960s and her first consensual sexual relationship.
* 22:50 – The Summer of Love
* 27:20 – Meeting her first husband at age 24
* 29:00 S- Making sure she received pleasure during sex
* 31:30 – How the abuse affected her feelings about her body, and hating her body as a sexual vessel
* 34:13 – Experiencing love at first sight with her second husband
* 35:10 – Telling her husband about her abuse background after a triggering event at work
* 38:51 – Having a great sex life in her 40s
* 39:40 – Going through early menopause after a hysterectomy and the dwindling of their sex life
The Lowdown (43:37)
* What is your relationship with your body like today?
* How long ago did you stop having regular sex?
* Is there anything that you fantasized about that you didn’t have a chance to try?
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
* $5/mo – How her own experience of childhood sexual abuse affected Lois’ communication with her children about sex.
* $7/mo – Extended Q&A
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak
May 7, 2020
Solo – When I went to a Jamaican sex resort
In part 3 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about how I learned the difference between sensual and sexual touch, learning how to determine and voice my boundaries, and my ongoing battle with body image issues.
Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.
* 3:05 – Conversation with Jessi
* 23:36 – Preview of “COVID Confidential: Behind closed doors” video series
* 26:39 – AM I NORMAL? question – Is it normal that my libido is higher than my male partner’s?
* 27:00 – Leah’s answer – Myth busting about sex drive/libido, and a discussion of the spectrum of sexual desire
“COVID Confidential” YOUTUBE SERIES: www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Music – Nazar Rybak
Apr 30, 2020
Cathy - I felt guilty about feeling pleasure
As a child, Cathy experienced extended molestation, which caused her to dissociate from her body and feel huge shame about her body. As she grew older, she also gained weight, which left her feeling like no one would ever want her.
In this interview we talk about those early experiences, plus the healing she has done and why she now feels passionate about helping others know that they are lovable and acceptable just as they are.
Cathy is a 52-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, pansexual, polyamorous, and single with playmates. She describes her body as “round.”
She is the founder of The Intimacy Dojo, which you can find at www.theintimacydojo.com.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 3:37 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure is confusing because she experienced pleasure around age 5 while being abused. The abuse was also confusing because it filled a need for touch and connection.
* 7:15 - The body can respond autonomically to unwanted stimulation, which is confusing and can cause long-term emotional impact.
* 7:45 - Cathy talks about how her fantasies to achieve pleasure were impacted by the childhood abuse and by growing up on a farm.
* 11:00 - The abuse stopped around age 11 as her body developed, causing a new set of body issues (thinking she is no longer desirable in a more developed, larger, womanly body) and she feels shame about her body.
* 14:50 – Cathy associated feeling the pleasure of an orgasm with guilt, even as she masturbated frequently in her early teens.
* 15:45 - Her first boyfriend in college – they were able to explore with each other and he later came out as gay.
* 20:00 - Her first experience with a woman was exciting because the power dynamics were different than with a man. She was convinced that she was a lesbian.
* 25:00 - Further evidence of early abuse impact, when she crushes on a particular girl and ends up initiating a sexual experience with her, she assumes that she herself is the corrupting influence on the other innocent woman—there’s something wrong with her innate desires, and that she’s leading the other down a bad path.
* 28:00 - the body shame associated with living in a larger body.
* 30:00 - Cathy and Leah share their experiences of how confusing it is when you believe you are not desirable, yet other people express their attraction to you.
* 36:00 - The discussion turns to healing around body image issues and embracing pleasure in any size and shape.
* 43:00 - Cathy talks about her own efforts to break the stereotype that only thin people are worthwhile and sexually desirable, and her return to dating as a “big” woman.
* 47:00 - She’s taking a break from dating to focus on personal transitions and personal growth.
* 48:51 - Getting needs and touch needs met during quarantine.
Resources mentioned:
* Reid Mihalko, sex educator – ReidAboutSex.com
* EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - eft.mercola.com
* Somatic experiencing therapy - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/somatic-therapy
A lot of people are under financial strain right now, so I’m making all the Patreon extras available for free to everyone. Thank you to community members who continue to show your support through this hard time. The Patreon extras for this episode are:
* Cathy’s first relationship, with a gay man who was having unprotected sex with men during the height of the AIDS crisis
* The aftermath of childhood abuse and the therapies she tried, including EFT and Somatic therapy
* A deeper dive into Cathy’s dating life
* The extended Q&A
FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk
CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)
PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex
RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls
BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest
COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak
Apr 23, 2020
Solo - Learning to say NO before I could say YES
In part 2 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about working through the messaging I received as a child about my body and sexuality, learning to say “no”, and how women protect men’s feelings during heterosexual sex.
Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.
* 3:20 – Being assaulted by my dad, but not believing it was sexual because his hands didn’t get under my clothing
* 6:07 – Confronting my father about the assault
* 8:49 – Silencing and gaslighting
* 9:41 – Detangling violence and sexuality in my brain
* 14:26 – Learning what consent actually means
* 16:45 – Learning to say “no” so that I could have a real, strong “yes”
* 18:20 – Protecting men’s feelings during heterosexual sex
* 19:24 – The body image work I’ve done
* 21:30 – Conversations I heard about my mother’s body an…
Apr 16, 2020
Julia – The ‘queer’ label feels good
Julia and her partner have agreed to a certain amount of openness in their relationship – openness that they haven’t taken advantage of yet. But their conversations on the topic – and Julia’s clear-headed consideration of the potential pitfalls – provide an amazing example for anyone who is considering opening this door with their partner. In fact, it’s so good that I think it should be required listening!
Julia is a dear friend and I love how deeply she thinks about how we can all be better to ourselves and each other.
Julia Sheldon is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, queer, and monogamish. She grew up in Canada and still lives there with her male partner. You can find her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/juliasheldon.sex.ed
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 3:10 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure, making out and dry humping with friends of both genders. They knew to hide the activity.
* 11:25 - M…
Apr 9, 2020
Solo - I saw a lot of things I didn't understand
Good Girls Talk About Sex is now a weekly show! Every other week you’ll get these shorter solo episodes where I tell bits of my story and answer YOUR questions about sex and sexuality.
Thanks to Jessi Kneeland for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.
Here are some time markers for this episode:
* 4:57 – Jessi Kneeland interviews Leah
* 5:42 – Leah’s first memory of sexual pleasure, including a significant kink interest
* 11:15 – Looking at her father’s adult magazines that she wasn’t prepared to handle as a child
* 12:55 – Jessi and Leah reminisce about both reading “Clan of the Cave Bear” at ages 10 or 11
* 16:00 – Leah’s sexual confusion in her early 30s
* 17:30 – What did Leah learn about what sex was “supposed to” be like as a kid?
* 19:00 – Leah’s dad’s message to her about getting “fat and ugly”
* 20:…
Apr 2, 2020
Never having sex again would be great – Jillian
Jillian offers us a glimpse into a story that I am intimately familiar with. It’s the story of having huge blank spots in your memory along with an aversion to sex. There’s nothing specific to grab on to so you can say, “This is what happened,” but it’s obvious that something happened.
I usually sit back and let the guests tell their story, but in this instance, Jillian is actively searching for answers and for healing. So in this episode, you’ll hear us doing a bit of exploration and coaching. I offer her a couple of exercises. If her story mirrors your own, you may want to try these exercises as well. Or send me an email and I’ll be happy to offer you some other resources.
Jillian says in this interview that she wanted to share her story so that anyone else out there going through something similar will know that they’re not alone. And I echo that. If you listen to this podcast because you have difficulty with sex and are looking for a way forward, you are not alone…
Mar 19, 2020
Voluptuous Leah & Sex in the age of COVID-19
Voluptuous Leah is a plus-size model and Instagram influencer. At the time this episode is released, she has over 166,000 followers and she regularly posts photos of herself, her adorable dog Luna, cute plus-size fashion, and plus-size lingerie. You can find her on Instagram at Voluptuous Leah and her website at www.VoluptuousLeah.com
Voluptuous Leah is a 31-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, plus-size, and in a new relationship while going through a divorce from her previous husband.
The major theme in this episode is sex as a plus-sized women.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 6:40 – Leah’s first memory of sexual pleasure
* 9:00 – How she broke her ankle because she was looking at a boy that she had a crush with
* 12:15 - Her relationship with her ex-husband and how he fetishized her larger body
* 14:45 – Her new relationship and how he interacts with her and her body
The Lowdown – (15:…
Mar 6, 2020
We are brand-new baby swingers - Brianna (part 2)
Part 2 of our conversation with Brianna! Today she details her recent entrance into the swinger lifestyle with her husband. She spares no details about how they discovered their mutual interest in swinging, their early conversations, and their first experiences. She talks about the state of their relationship and how swinging has affected it, her feelings about monogamy, jealousy, and so much more. If you’ve ever wondered about swinging – DON’T MISS THIS CONVERSATION!
Brianna is a 30-year-old cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, married, monogamish, Baptist, and exploring swinging for the first time. She and her husband have two young children.
Major themes in this episode include exploring swinging.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 4:00 - opening lines of communication with her husband, revealing fantasies
* 5:25 - arriving at the Desire resort
* 5:55 - body insecurity after childbearing
* 7:00 - experiencing role reve…
Mar 5, 2020
I lied about orgasms every time - Brianna (part 1)
(Part 1 of a 2-part episode) Brianna grew up in the Baptist church where she learned that sex was sinful. Today, Brianna talks about her childhood sexual explorations with other little girls, her unfortunate first relationship with a boy, and the beginning of her relationship with her husband, including their recent introduction into the world of swinging.
Brianna is a 30-year-old cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, married, monogamish, Baptist, and exploring swinging for the first time. She and her husband have two young children.
Major themes in this episode include growing up Baptist, learning about consent, discovering bisexuality, and exploring swinging.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 4:10 – Her first memory of sexual desire in first grade while playing “house” with a friend
* 9:10 – Identifying as heterosexual but kissing girls in high school
* 10:25 – Her first sexual experience with a boy in middle school,…
Feb 20, 2020
I've had two abortions and zero regrets - Timari
Timari is a 37-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, straight, monogamous, married and the mother of two children.
She is a listener who contacted me to say that she’d like to talk about her history with abortion, because it hadn’t been addressed much on the show yet. Along the way, we also talk about being raised in the Mormon church, being in an abusive marriage and cheating, and her sex life with her current husband.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 4:40 – Timari’s first memory of being told not to touch herself
* 6:00 – What she considers the benefits of frequent masturbation, especially early in life
* 7:40 – Her first experience with a penis
* 11:00 – The impact of sex ed
* 15:05 – Growing up in a Mormon home
* 19:28 – Timari’s “fuck buddy”
* 23:20 – Feeling empowered by childbirth and sex after giving birth
* 24:50 – Watching her sisters get involved in abusive relationships
* 27:30…
Feb 14, 2020
SOLO Bonus - Update and Valentine's Day
In this short solo episode, Leah talks about what she has learned since spoke to you directly in January - what she affectionately thinks of as her "breakdown" episode. Also: Valentine's Day wishes and good news about the future of the "Good Girls Talk About Sex" podcast!
Feb 6, 2020
I had to get drunk to have sex - Tenisha
Tenisha is a 29-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as black, heterosexual, monogamous, average body type, currently in a relationship, and Christian.
A few months ago, Tenisha interviewed me for her podcast Choose Love. During that conversation, Tenisha mentioned that she was a practicing Christian who chose a period of intentional celibacy as an adult. So of course I wanted to interview her here!
In this conversation she talks about her early conversations in internet chat rooms, needing alcohol in order to have sex, her choice to become celibate at age 23, and the relationship she’s in now.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 6:10 – Tenisha’s first memory of sexual experience – getting kissed by a boy on the bus and being embarrassed
* 8:00 – Tenisha signed on to AOL chatrooms at age 8, pretending to be older
* 12:00 – Her early “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” explorations
* 13:00 – The convergence of mast…
Jan 23, 2020
Vibrators changed my life - Jazz
Jazz is a 31-year-old gender non-conforming, femme-identified person who uses the pronouns "they" and "theirs". They describe themselves as black, polyamorous, and pansexual with an active dating life.
The major theme of this episode is gender. Jazz talks about how genitals are not the be-all-end-all of gender. If all of the recent talk about gender as a spectrum has you confused or uncomfortable, this is the episode to listen to!
Here are some of the notable moments they shared with us:
* 3:55 – Jazz’s “attacks of pleasure” in elementary school
* 7:45 – Their first time masturbating at age 14
* 9:40 – How training as a performer left them disembodied and dissociated
* 13:50 – The emergence of Jazz’s gender non-conforming identity
* 16:10 – What non-binary means
* 19:25 – Jazz’s first boyfriend, including a lack of negotiation and advocacy for themselves
* 24:40 – Discovering vibrators and toys
* 26:10 – Discovering attraction to multiple ki…
Jan 9, 2020
SOLO - I have to put on my own oxygen mask first
In this special episode, Leah talks about her recent slide into anxiety and depression.
The "too long, didn't listen" version is: the podcast will continue on a regular schedule, but I'm taking a step back from everything else to give myself some time to reset and refocus. Also, listener emails mean the world to me, so if you want to send something please do: leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com.
Dec 26, 2019
Year One Celebration - Q&A extravaganza
It's been a year! In this final episode of 2019, we revisit some of our most popular conversations so far.
We've got excerpts from the Q&A portions from episodes featuring Danielle, Betsy, Jessi, and Michelle. Much of this material ended up on the cutting room floor the first time around, so it’s all-new content for regular listeners (Patreon supporters got a sneak peek at these extended conversations when they first came out!)
Information about the 5% BRAVER group coaching process can be found at www.leahcarey.com/brave.
If you’ve got room in your 2020 budget and would like to support female-positive, sex-positive, judgment-free conversations that help us all to shed shame and SAY ALL THE THINGS, I invite you to join the community of supporters at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. For as little as $1/month, you can help make this podcast financially-viable long into the future.
The full episodes for these four conversations can be found:
Danielle - Bad self-esteem but a…
Dec 12, 2019
I had sex with a lot of people while I was married – Lisa
Lisa is a 40-year-old cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, currently in a relationship that is heterosexual, monogamous, and long-distance. She has also long been attracted to women and is considering the likelihood that she is bisexual.
Major themes in this episode include body image and eating disorders, sex outside marriage, long distance relationships, and exploring kink.
FOR 5% BRAVER COACHING visit https://www.leahcarey.com/brave/ (the first three people to use the coupon code "goodgirlspod" get $25 off registration!)
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 5:20 – Lisa’s discovery of sexual pleasure in the shower
* 6:45 – Growing up as a gymnast, giving her a heightened sense of body awareness as a kid
* 8:00 – Developing an eating disorder
* 9:45 – Lisa’s first experience of dating and sexual exploration
* 12:40 – “Losing” her virginity
* 14:00 – Having a partner stop penetration when asked
* 16:30 – Having b…
Nov 27, 2019
Secrets are complicated - Sarah
Sarah is a 35-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, married, monogamous, and pansexual. She clarified however that while she has experienced attractions to people of all genders, her sexual experiences have been limited to cis-gender males.
Through her teens and early 20s, Sarah dated MUCH older men. She reflects back on those experiences, sorting through the ramifications of her partner choices, including the pressures she felt and how the power differentials in those relationships worked. She is now married to a man her own age and in the second half of the show we talk extensively about the physical difficulties she has with sex and how she and her husband work around them.
Major themes in this episode include the stigma, power dynamics, and secrets involved in dating much older men; physical challenges with sex and difficulty with orgasm; and expanding the definition of what counts as sex.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 3:00…
Nov 14, 2019
A throbbing in my nether regions - Michelle
Michelle is a 42-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as black and married. She is currently sorting through whether she is gay or bisexual, and in the process she and her wife have opened up what was previously a monogamous marriage.
Major themes in this episode include discovering (and re-discovering) sexual orientation, mismatched libido in a marriage, infidelity and honesty within a marriage, and discovering physical desire in her 40s.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 5:35 – Michelle’s first-grade crush on her female teacher
* 10:00 – Michelle’s experience of inappropriate touch at 7 years old
* 11:00 – Michelle’s first kiss in college
* 13:00 – The power dynamic of giving blowjobs
* 14:30 – The cultural taboo of black men giving oral sex to women
* 16:00 – Michelle’s first experience of receiving oral sex and intercourse
* 18:18 – Michelle’s first experience with a woman
* 22:30 – Discomfort with s…
Oct 31, 2019
Is it too late to get what I want? - Jo
Jo is a 58-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heteroflexible, and in a friends-with-benefits situation. She deals with ongoing physical issues that make sex challenging. Her preferred relationship style is “none” – as in, she doesn’t want a defined romantic relationship. Before we started recording she said, “I don’t want to be picking up your socks or do your laundry. I may cook you dinner occasionally, but that’s because I want to cook not because you’re hungry.”
While I did my best to maintain my regular sense of equilibrium during this interview, it was a particularly personal one for me. Jo and I don’t really know each other, but our families have been intertwined for a long time. In order to preserve the privacy of others not on this call, we kept the specifics vague, but we were both curious to find out if we would learn new things about our shared history in this conversation.
Major themes in this episode include preferring to not h…
Oct 17, 2019
No one will f*ck me, I will f*ck them – Shasta
Shasta is a 45-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as Canadian First Nation/Cree, heterosexual, monogamous, and married to her husband who she has been with for 20 years.
Major themes in this episode include
* balance of power in heterosexual relationships,
* bedroom boredom in a long-term relationship, and
* working to heal childhood issues as an adult
You can find Shasta online at www.ShastaTownsend.com. Her book, Happy, Sexy, Shameless – What Our Mother’s Didn’t Know About the Birds and the Bees, is available at Amazon.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 5:30 – Her first memory of sexual pleasure, masturbating at age 4
* 8:00 – The challenge of overcoming staleness in the marriage bed
* 9:30 – Rediscovering masturbation as an adult
* 10:30 – Encountering shame and childhood trauma when her husband requested new sexual explorations
* 12:45 – What she learned as a child about being a “good girl”
* 15:00…
Oct 3, 2019
I wish my husband would leave me - Aimee
Aimee is a 37-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, straight, and married.
Although Aimee considers herself monogamous, she has recently begun an affair with another man that her husband does not know about. We talk about this extensively in the second half of the episode.
This is a challenging subject, but it’s also real – there are so few places to learn about healthy relationships and healthy sexuality that many people are struggling in unhappy marriages and looking for affirmation and connection outside of their primary bond. I am not condoning cheating or violating relationship agreements, but I hope that you can listen to this conversation with an open heart and hear the pain and distress Aimee is experiencing that has led her to this point.
Major themes in this episode include:
* infidelity and seeking sex outside the marriage
* lack of sexual communication
* erectile dysfunction
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
* 5:…
Sep 19, 2019
I'm the funny one, not the pretty one – Erin
Erin is a 34-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as queer, in a new relationship, she isn’t certain of her preferred relationship style.
Erin deals with OCD, plus related mental conditions that cause her to pull her hair (Trichotillomania) and pick her skin (Dermatillomania). Those conditions cause her nervousness when exposing herself with a new partner.
Major themes in this episode include being queer, OCD, and exploring sex in adulthood.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 3:25 - Feeling the tingle watching animated cartoons
* 6:10 - Growing up in a progressive culture
* 10:30 – The lack of good sex education, even in a progressive city
* 13:20 – Erin’s first time having sex
* 16:00 – The dreaded moment of receiving oral from a boyfriend who didn’t like doing it
* 18:00 – Basing her teen body image on being the “funny one”
* 19:30 – How getting tattoos as an adult has helped Erin to embrace her body
* 23:20…
Sep 5, 2019
I thought I couldn't orgasm - Martyna
Martyna is a 29-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, and in a relationship. She grew up in Poland and now lives in South Africa.
Martyna deals with depression, and she talks today about how that has affected her relationships and sex. She also talks about how the season 1 STARS episode affected her thinking about how to talk about consent. You can find that episode at https://www.leahcarey.com/podcast/episode-8a-bonus-the-stars-conversation
Major themes in this episode include depression, learning about consent as an adult, and exploring BDSM.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 4:30 – Martyna’s first sexual experiences – by herself riding pillows, then playing with another little girl
* 6:40 – The lessons she learned growing up Polish Catholic
* 8:30 – Securing contraception in secret
* 10:30 – Growing up with an alcoholic and emotionally abusive mom, and her teen rebellion
* 11:30 – Marty…
Aug 8, 2019
Sex is like Domino's Pizza - Margot
Margot is a 39-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as black, British, bisexual and currently in an open, long-distance relationship.
She also travels widely and lives for extended periods in other parts of the world, giving her insight into different sexual cultures around the world.
Major themes in this episode include open relationships, later-in-life sexual explorations, and learning about sexuality in a culture that was not open about the subject.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 9:20 – Margot’s first experience of intercourse
* 13:15 – Exploring sex post-divorce
* 16:30 – Her relationship with her body and how it is changing with aging
* 18:03 – Navigating an open relationship
* 27:00 – The questions and communication that are required in their open relationship
* 29:00 – The boundaries and agreements Margot has with her partner to make their open relationship work
* 31:30 – Margot’s experience of body image…
Aug 1, 2019
I saw myself through the male gaze - Diana
Diana is a 37-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heterosexual, married and monogamous.
Diana had a traumatic birth with her older son, which led to a disconnection from her body and her pleasure. She was able to have a vaginal birth with her younger child, which helped reconnect her with her body and sexuality.
Major themes in this episode include sexuality after trauma from childbirth and reclaiming your body after motherhood.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 10:30 – Diana’s first sexual experience
* 13:30 – Masturbation as an important component of self care
* 14:45 – Diana’s belief that everybody masturbates and how she’s handling it with her young sons
* 18:30 – Diana’s experience with consent in a long-term relationship
* 19:45 – The messages she heard about sex growing up in a conservative Christian home
* 21:45 – Diana’s relationship with her body and the impact of the male gaze
* 24:00 – F…
Jul 25, 2019
There’s something to be said for having tits - Davina
Davina Bookbinder is a 33-year-old, transgender woman who describes herself as white, Jewish, queer, polyamorous and actively dating.
Major themes in this episode include being transgender, discovering and navigating gender identity, and sex as a trans woman.
This episode is extra long because there's just SOOOO much great material!
Davina is a good friend and she and I have had long conversations about gender in general and her gender in particular. It is because she and I have developed a foundation of trust that I'm able to ask questions that we wouldn't normally ask. PLEASE KNOW that many of the questions I ask in this interview are NOT questions that are appropriate to ask a trans person in regular conversation. But that's true of all the conversations on this show, right?!? I ask deeply personal questions that you would never think to ask someone at a dinner party. The problem for trans people is that there is such curiosity around their bodies and their genitals that people e…
Jul 18, 2019
I feel like my belly’s too big – Jane
Jane is a 36-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heteroflexible, monogamous and with a partner of three years.
Jane went to Catholic School while she was growing up in Scotland and in her family she learned that certain topics should never be discussed – including sex.
Major themes in this episode include difficulty in communicating about sex, body image and sex, and exploring BDSM.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 9:00 – The meager sex ed classes Jane received in Catholic school
* 14:00 – How Jane found access to contraception
* 15:30 – Jane’s relationship to her body and how it has changed over time
* 21:30 – Jane’s personal “Dementors” and how they impact every aspect of her life
* 25:00 – Jane’s struggles with communicating with partners about body image issues
* 30:00 – Difficulty communicating about sex and her desires
* 32:00 – Jane and her partner’s explorations into kinkier sex and BDS…
Jul 11, 2019
When we started to explore kink – Betsy
Betsy is a 38-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, straight, monogamous and in a relationship.
Betsy had sex for the first time at age 27, and after a brief period of one-night-stands, married a man whose sexual desires were significantly different than hers. She says her naturally high libido was “beat right out of me.” Today, divorced and reclaiming her sexuality, Betsy is with a new partner and exploring her long-suppressed interest in BDSM.
Last year Betsy came to me to do sexual communication coaching. She tells some of that story in this episode.
Major themes in this episode include exploring new sexual realms (with support from a coach), navigating a changing relationship with her body, and BDSM.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 7:00 – How Betsy started to feel better in her body by doing a sexy dance workout
* 9:30 – Her relief at losing her virginity at age 27
* 14:00 – Betsy joins the bar scene and has sex wit…
Jul 3, 2019
Masturbation was more sinful than sex – Shelly
Shelly is a 44-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, lesbian, living with her girlfriend and monogamous. She grew up in the Mormon church, got married and had seven children as she was expected to do. Then several years ago she started questioning her faith and left the church. She then realized that she’s also a lesbian, which is an extreme no-no in the Mormon church.
Major themes in this episode include the interplay of Mormonism and lesbianism, and recovering from guilt and shame from rejecting childhood teachings.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 7:00 – As a teenager, having to “confess” all sexual activity and thoughts to an older male bishop
* 12:00 – How consent is impacted when alcohol is involved
* 14:00 – Shelly’s earliest experience of same-sex attraction
* 17:30 – Opening to curiosity around lesbianism while letting go of the disgust she had been taught
* 20:00 – The difference in intimacy shared be…
Jun 27, 2019
We have sex about once a month - Laina
Laina is a 33-year-old cis-gender woman who describes herself as Chinese, heterosexual, married, and monogamous.
Laina has one child and struggles with body image. She believes that nobody would want to have sex with her, and that her husband only does it because she’s his only option.
Major themes in this episode include body image, libido, and changes in sexuality after giving birth.
Here are some of the great moments Laina shared with us:
* 3:00 – The objectification of Asian women in culture and media
* 7:33 – Connecting pleasure to sex and sexuality
* 8:20 – How media conditions us to find women attractive and a sexual turn-on
* 13:30 – It’s okay to have varying levels of sex drive, even to the point of demi-sexuality
* 17:30 – Laina’s husband told her he wishes they had more sex
* 20:40 – Different types of turn-ons, like feeling warm and safe during cuddling
* 25:25 – How Laina’s body image impacts her sex life
* 31:16 – How Laina’s…
Jun 20, 2019
Exploring queer sex - Jessi (the return)
Jessi Kneeland is a 32-year old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, bisexual, single, and monogamish.
Jessi gets up-close and VERY personal about her recent explorations into sex with women. This is Jessi’s second appearance on the show and she is the body image coach who has supported me through my own sexual exploration over the past few years. You can find her online at www.JessiKneeland.com and on Instagram @JessiKneeland.
You can find her writing on queer sex HERE.
You can find my season 1 conversation with Jessi HERE.
The major theme of this episode is Jessi’s detailing her first serious explorations into queer sex and partnering with women.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 5:12 – Realizing that not everyone is attracted to all types of people and bodies
* 6:26 – What does hetero-romantic mean?
* 11:20 – How she dresses and presents herself determines the people who are attracted to her
* 15:00 – How people socialize…
Jun 13, 2019
I don’t know when I was sexually gratified - Inez
Inez is a 32-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heterosexual, married with children, and monogamous.
Inez is dealing with chronic illness and is in a currently sexless marriage.
Topics covered in this interview include: recovering personal pleasure after abuse/trauma, body image, chronic illness and its impact on sexual activity, and how a partner's mental health diagnosis impacts the relationship.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 5:40 - How it felt as an adult to tell her father about childhood sexual abuse
* 8:50 - The culture difference around sex between the Midwest of the United States vs. the west coast
* 12:33 - Discovering she was pregnant while on drugs
* 18:00 - How weight fluctuations affect her experience of sexuality
* 29:50 - How a partner having short stamina can be desirable for a survivor of sexual abuse
* 31:30 - How her partner violated consent and led to her feeling unsafe and cutting off sexual contact…
Jun 6, 2019
Bad self-esteem but a great body – Danielle
Danielle is a 41-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, Jewish, heteroflexible, married and monogamous.
Danielle and her husband Adam host the podcast Marriage and Martinis, where they explore every hilarious, heartfelt, shocking, embarrassing, and completely inappropriate facet of marriage and parenting.
Major themes in this episode include how OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) affected Danielle’s early experience of sex, how we allow our assumptions of what other people think affect our actions and decisions, and how sex changes after marriage and kids.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 4:16 – Making out with boys in 7th grade for a sense of belonging rather than pleasure
* 8:20 – Danielle’s experience with a type of OCD called scrupulosity
* 12:50 – The cultural pressure to lose our virginity
* 16:00 – The mismatch between Danielle’s body image and how her body actually looked
* 21:30 – Does the number of par…
May 30, 2019
It was never: I'm ready, let's do this - Shana
Shana is a 41-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as biracial (half black/half white), heterosexual, monogamous and currently in a relationship.
Major themes explored in this episode include healing from old hurts, learning about consent, and discovering our own pleasure, rather than just focusing on pleasing our partner.
Here are some of the great moments Shana shared with us:
* 3:35 – How she came to relate running late to eroticism
* 9:48 – Her first sexual experience, and how it conditioned her to not trust white men
* 18:38 – The moment Shana first had intercourse and why it was so devastating … and why she pretended it was okay
* 21:30 – Why Shana has never felt comfortable calling that experience rape
* 27:27 – The expectation that women are supposed to please their partner and not ask for anything
* 28:18 – The conversation she had with her current lover after their first time having sex
* 32:00 – How tenderness and masculinity go h…
May 23, 2019
Season 2 Trailer
Season 2 of Good Girls Talk About Sex is almost here! It begins Thursday, May 30! Make sure you've subscribed in your favorite podcast app so you don't miss a single episode. Here's to your better sex life!
Apr 18, 2019
Minisode with Reema Zaman
Welcome to a between-the-seasons mini episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex!
Reema Zaman is a 35-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as Bangladeshi, heterosexual, monogamous, and single. Because her father was a diplomat, Reema lived in many countries during her growing-up years. She came to the United States by herself at age 18 with a dream of being an actress. She released the book I Am Yours in February 2019. It is the story of reclaiming her voice after years of trauma and abuse.
I spoke with Reema ahead of the release of her book, but for technical reasons we weren’t able to release the full interview as part of the regular season. But I’ve been able to pull together some portions of the interview to share with you today.
Here's the info on entering the contest to receive one of my favorite sex toys:
* Go to Apple Podcasts and leave a review and rating of Good Girls Talk About Sex.
* Take a screen shot of your review, and email it to me at Leah@GoodGirlsTa…
Apr 4, 2019
Season One finale - The Quick Five extravaganza
It's the season one finale of Good Girls Talk About Sex!
When I began this podcast, I had the typical fears - primarily, I wasn't sure it was any good! I've been overwhelmed and humbled and so grateful for the responses I've gotten back from you, dear friends. I've had feedback from people telling me deep, personal stories about changes they've made and things they've learned as a result of this podcast. Nothing could make me happier!
Thanks to every one of you who has reached out to me publicly or privately. I am so grateful to know that you're out there and listening. It's what makes me excited to be working on SEASON TWO as we speak, because I know it's valuable to you.
My goal in doing this podcast is to help all of us - myself included! - understand that whatever we enjoy is okay.
To that end, on each regular episode I ask the guest a series of rapid fire Q&A for The Quick Five. Not all of those answers have been broadcast. This episode is a compilation of those answers.
I ho…
Mar 28, 2019
Submission is a gift because it’s hard - Amy
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Amy, a 47-year-old cis-gendered white woman who describes herself as bisexual and married.
I was interested in talking with Amy because she teased me with this bit of info: after being with her partner for almost 30 years, they discovered a previously undisclosed mutual interest in a new sexual adventure. How did they go for so long without discovering this shared interest? She tells us in this conversation.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 6:44 – The librarian whose support allowed her to dive into more adult material than other kids her age
* 10:20 – How Amy handled getting her first period
* 13:58 – The young man Amy chose for her first sexual experience
* 21:14 – The boundaries that Amy and her husband set for their relationship when they were in college, and how that has developed over the 20+ years of their marriage
* 27:22 – How Amy discovered her submissive side
* 39:02…
Mar 21, 2019
I warned him that I’m a plus-size girl – Elizabeth
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Elizabeth, a cis-gendered white woman in a monogamous heterosexual relationship who is approaching 40.
Elizabeth has an active sex life with her male partner, which includes pegging. While that is something that might be considered relatively common in some circles, for others it is out on the fringes of “normal” sexual activity. Elizabeth opens up about how they got into it, why she loves it, and why it’s scary to admit to when living in a small, conservative town.
Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:
* 7:18 – Her teenage “practice partner” who helped her learn about hand jobs, blow jobs and more
* 11:38 – What her ex-husband said to her when she expressed sexual desires
* 18:23 – Why she feels self-conscious during oral sex as a plus-size woman
* 23:10 – Why anal sex is something she thinks can bring the genders together
* 31:06 – Why wearing a strap-on penis doesn’t make h…
Mar 14, 2019
I’m trans and here’s why it’s awesome – Trystan
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Trystan Reese, a transgender white man in a monogamous gay marriage who is 35 years old. In 2017, Trystan gave birth to a baby conceived with his husband Biff. Their story has been shared in People Magazine, CNN, Cosmo and more. You can find them online at BiffAndI.com.
While Trystan has been living as a man for the past 15 years, he was raised and socialized as a female for his first 18 years. That gives him an intimate understanding of both sides of the gender spectrum – including insight into which aspects are biological or hormonal and which are societal.
Here are some of the great moments he shared with us:
* 10:20 – The conversations gay men have BEFORE they start dating that other couples don’t (but should!) have
* 17:35 – An important thing we can learn from Trystan’s strategy of revealing that he’s trans
* 21:30 – Why our relationship to our body is more important than the shape of our body when…
Mar 7, 2019
Sex scenes in movies turn me on – Yaz
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Yaz, a 30-year-old who describes herself as half-Persian/half-European, polyamorous, and single.
I wanted to interview Yaz because I recently saw her describe herself this way: “My assets include diversity (I am genderqueer, pansexual, a person of color, fat, and make under $30,000/year), a playful attitude (I am really a kid in an adult body), and a know-how of holding space for those whose voices get lost in the shuffle.”
Here are some of the great moments we shared with Yaz:
* 6:24 – Discovering the delights of the shower and bathtub faucet
* 9:18 – Discovering porn and movie sex scenes
* 15:14 – Yaz defines gender queer, pansexual, and gender non-conforming as she experiences them
* 17:15 – How being fat has affected her experience of sexuality
* 26:18 – Her first experience of penetrative sex … and what happened when she realized she wasn’t ready
* 31:20 – The STARS talk (as featured in E…
Feb 28, 2019
Sex workers are selling a fantasy – Kate
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Kate, a cis-gendered white woman in a monogamous heterosexual marriage who is 37 years old. Kate is a stripper in Portland, Oregon.
I met her one afternoon when I visited Sassy’s with a friend of hers and she sat down to chat with us between sets.
The first thing I noticed about Kate was that even though I had just seen her dancing naked on a pole, she was one of the most articulate and intelligent women I'd met in a long time. She forced me to come face-to-face with my own judgments about sex workers.
Here are some of the great moments Kate shared with us:
* 5:34 – The conversation in Kate’s childhood home about sexuality
* 16:19 – Why being the “pursuer” in a romantic relationship felt empowering for Kate as a teenager
* 28:55 – How Kate got into dancing
* 31:49 - The different degrees of sex work
* 35:15 – Why creating a fantasy is the larger part of sex work
* 36:50 – The different sexual p…
Feb 21, 2019
The STARS method
In this special bonus episode, Dr. Evelin Dacker explains the STARS method she created. It’s an easy-to-remember acronym that will help you begin conversations leading to great, consensual sex.
But I don’t want you to just get the theory behind the conversation, I want you to hear it in practice! So I invited my friend Ray to join me for a sample STARS conversation that you’ll get to hear about halfway through this episode.
* 1:26 – What is sex positivity?
* 4:00 – The lack of conversation about sex in the medical profession
* 5:00 – An overview of what the letters in STARS stand for
* 6:50 – Leah’s experience with STARS
Breaking down the STARS conversation:
* 9:07 – STI Status
* 10:32 – Turn Ons
* 11:13 – Avoids
* 12:18 – Relationship intentions
* 13:55 – Safer sex practices
A sample STARS conversation:
* 16:48 – Introducing Ray
* 17:51– STI Status
* 20:35 – Turn Ons and avoids
* 27:56 – Relationship intentions (for the…
Feb 21, 2019
My sex education came from Judy Blume – Evelin
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Dr. Evelin Dacker, a cis-gender half-Mexican, half-Jewish polyamorous woman who is 53 years old.
Evelin is a sex-positive physician in Eugene, Oregon and the CEO of Sex Positive Portland, an organization dedicated to understanding and exploring all aspects of human sexuality. She is also the creator of the STARS Talk, a format for talking about your sexuality and preferences so that we can ALL have more satisfying sexual encounters with both current and new partners.
* 3:30 – Evelin’s history with masturbation from the time she was a baby
* 5:45 – Judy Blume’s books as sex education
* 6:45 – How the ability to self-pleasure replaced a desire for sex as a teenager
* 7:45 – Learning compersion
* 8:38 – Distinguishing between open relationships and cheating
* 9:34 – The relationship Evelin defines as “primary”
* 11:46 – Meeting her spouse on a beach in Thailand
* 12:42 – What is NRE? (Hint…
Feb 14, 2019
Attention came with a price tag – Jessi
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talked with Jessi Kneeland, a 31-year-old cis-gendered white woman who is bisexual, monogamous, and currently single.
Jessi is a coach, speaker, writer, and altogether kickass person who is passionate about helping women to understand their bodies and their sexuality. She is the coach who has stood with me through my sexual exploration and reclaiming my body. You can find her online at www.JessiKneeland.com and on Instagram at @jessikneeland
Here are some of the amazing moments she shared with us:
* 4:54 – The lesson Jessi learned at age 7 about what it meant to desire male attention
* 7:18 – The lessons she learned about body image in her young life
* 12:00 – How confusing it is for people who were assaulted as children and didn’t understand that it was assault at the time, and how important it is to give accurate language to those experiences
* 14:30 – The ways Jessi went about healing from childhood assault
* 16…
Feb 7, 2019
Most people don’t assume I’m gay – Jenna
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Jenna, a 34-year-old, cis-gendered female who describes herself as white, lesbian, monogamous, and engaged to be married.
Jenna knew from an early age that she was attracted to women, and jokes that she “experimented with boys” when she was in her early 20s. The sex life she shares with her fiancée is helping Jenna to sort through and release some of the sexual trauma she experienced earlier in her life.
Here are some of the great moments Jenna shared:
* 2:27 - The first time Jenna realized she was attracted to breasts
* 12:50 - How she felt when her father compared lesbianism to alcoholism and drug addiction
* 27:15 - How women are required to remember every detail of an assault from years ago when most of us don’t remember what we had for breakfast
* 32:20 - The important place masturbation holds in Jenna’s relationship with her partner
* 34:32 - The positive connotation Jenna now has for the words “go…
Jan 31, 2019
I made out with a cousin in the closet - Stacey
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Stacey, a 45-year-old, cis-gendered female who describes herself as black, heterosexual, single, and non-monogamous.
While some may know the term ethical non-monogamy, it’s still not spoken about often in social circles. That can lead to the misconception that it’s rare, when in fact people of all types – and even in the most conservative communities – are engaging in various forms of open relationships. Stacey is totally down-to-earth, so she’s a great person to ease us into this conversation the first time. And stick around for the Quick Five, because Stacey gives an amazing lesson on how to become multi-orgasmic!
Here are some of the great moments Stacey shared:
* 5:18 - Learning how to kiss with a cousin
* 13:30 - The lack of affection in her childhood home
* 15:45 - How her father’s emotional absence affects Stacey in her adult relationships
* 23:12 - Raising a daughter to believe in her own sexual e…
Jan 24, 2019
Because I was a good girl – Terri
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Terri, a 32-year-old, cis-gendered female who describes herself as Pakistani, straight, married and monogamous.
Terri was born in Pakistan and for the first ten years of her life, she lived in a culture where physical affection was not seen and it was assumed she would have an arranged marriage. When her family moved to the United States, everything changed. Terri provides us with a fascinating glimpse into what it’s like to live with a foot in two worlds.
Here are some of the great moments Terri shared:
* [3:00] – Why it wasn’t even okay for her to watch a kiss in an animated movie like Aladdin
* [8:45] – The explicit message she got from a boy, while her parents didn’t even want her to be friends with a boy
* [14:55] – How she and her Muslim girlfriends covered for each other when they went out on dates
* [30:25] – The “freaky” things she did with her boyfriends
* [38:42] – How she is raising…
Jan 17, 2019
My husband was offended by my dildo – Sharon
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Sharon, a 58-year-old, cis-gendered female who describes herself as Caucasian, straight, single and monogamous.
Sharon opens up about her night of many firsts: first date, first kiss, and first unwanted sexual experience. This episode celebrates the pleasures of solo sex and remaining sexual while growing older.
Here are some of the great moments Sharon shared:
* [4:18] – The fateful phone call that could have been for Sharon or her sister
* [11:41] – The book her parents gave her in lieu of talking to her about sex
* [13:23] – The best piece of advice Sharon ever got about sex
* [20:45] – How getting older is affecting her body’s physical response (but she’s still multi-orgasmic!)
* [27:42] – The death of one of Sharon’s sex toys and having to buy a new one
* [35:53] – THE QUICK FIVE
Mentioned in this episode:
She Bop – A women-owned sex toy boutique in Portland, Oregon
If you’d like to…
Jan 17, 2019
He said we could never tell anybody – Meagan
In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Meagan, a 36-year-old, cis-gendered woman who describes herself as Hispanic, straight, single and monogamous.
Meagan talks frankly about her childhood explorations of sexuality, how she felt culpable for the things that happened to her as a teenager because she looked older than she was, and why she has taken time off from dating and sex as an adult.
Here are some of the great moments Meagan shared:
* [2:40] – Sharing her mom’s vibrator with friends during a sleepover
* [5:45] – Why her first kiss grossed her out and made her feel ashamed
* [11:47] – Learning to feel pleasure … long after she’d started having sex
* [19:10] – Why Meagan has always thought of herself as a “bad girl”
* [24:00] – A former boss who Meagan believes preys on strong women
* [39:12] – THE QUICK FIVE
The interviews for this podcast usually last at least twenty minutes longer than we have space to fit into an episode.…
Jan 17, 2019
My boobs aren’t an erogenous zone – Liz
In the very first episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Liz, a 37-year-old, cis-gendered white woman who is single, heterosexual, and monogamous.
When it came to exploring her sexuality, Liz took her time – while all her friends were gossiping about their boyfriends and hookups as teenagers, Liz knew she wasn’t ready to lose control. As a single woman, she now has sex occasionally while she waits to find love.
Here are some of the great moments Liz shared:
* [5:30] – Her mom’s unforgettable description of giving birth
* [9:10] – Her first Spin The Bottle kiss, gone very wrong
* [20:46] – Using condoms during oral sex
* [27:36] – Playing with remote control vibrators in public
* [29:48] – What it means to feel sexy
* [36:26] – THE QUICK FIVE
The interviews for this podcast usually last at least a half hour longer than we have space to fit into an episode. If you’d like to hear the full, unedited version of the interview including a more i…
Dec 30, 2018
Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast trailer
IT’S COMING!!!!!!
I’ve been working on this podcast for over a year and I’m SOOOO excited to finally be sharing it with you!
Here’s a sneak peek into the conversations we’ll be sharing in the first season of Good Girls Talk About Sex……